How Is This Possible??

Here it is - the eve of Christmas Eve. The baking, the whining, the crying - and that was all from me. I've heard the plotting and the planning of Nerf palooza of '09 until I thought I would hose myself down with a fully loaded Nerf blaster just to put an end to it.

Is it just me or has Christmas sort of just snuck up? I feel like I've been so busy trying to make good memories for the guys that here it is and I feel like I'm not ready. We bought what we could, we're doing what we can. And yet when I look at people that are moving at a fast pace to get everything done - it just seems the whole meaning has truly slipped away.

I read a pretty good book - long story long there was a battle and the color of one's sword was based on the intent. The motive behind the blow was what determined who's side the person was fighting on. Thought that was interesting. I also thought it was interesting that there is still a battle to be fought and to be won.

Jesus fought and won His battle. And it all started with a tiny little seed of a baby. While this is supposed to be a time of peace on earth, I can't help but feel the battle really is gearing up. Not something I really want to hear while I'm in so many battles. Last couple of days I felt such encouragement to keep pressing on.

I got to hang out with some people I don't get to see on a regular basis. Listening to the different stories of struggles, of battles won and battles lost, but still that determination to keep pressing on. I was nodding my head as I've been in some of those battles and got it but shook my head in wonder at ones I have not. But it was nice to be around people who got it - who knew exactly where I was coming from. It was like a nice long drink of water. Sad to say, that a lot of people believe that as long as you do everything right, you will have a nice little life.

Too bad life doesn't work that way.

All of our talk reminded me of this email and it gave me a good sniff. I know very well about heartache. I want to believe that there are still good, honest people that are out there. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas - time with family and friends and that you are able to zero in on the reason for the season, the One that gives us hope.

**True Story of Rudolph**
A man named Bob May, depressed and broken hearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night. His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bob's wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer.

Little Barbara couldn't understand why her Mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up into her dad's eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody else's Mommy?"
Bob's jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears. Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger.

It had been the story of Bob's life.

Life always had to be different for Bob. Small when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was too little at the time to compete in sports. He was often called names he'd rather not remember. From childhood, Bob was different and never seemed to fit in. Bob did complete college, married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then he was blessed with his little girl.

But it was all short-lived. Evelyn's bout with cancer stripped them of all their savings and now Bob and his daughter were forced to live in a two-room apartment in the Chicago slums. Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938. Bob struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he couldn't even afford to buy a Christmas gift.

But if he couldn't buy a gift, he was determined to make one - a storybook! Bob had created a character in his own mind and told the animal's story to little Barbara to give her comfort and hope. Again and again Bob told the story, embellishing it more with each telling.

Who was the character? What was the story all about? The story Bob May created was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created was a misfit outcast like he was. The name of the character? A little reindeer named Rudolph, with a big shiny nose.

Bob finished the book just in time to give it to his little girl on Christmas Day. But the story doesn't end there. The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the little storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the rights to print the book. Wards went on to print, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their stores. By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six million copies of Rudolph.

That same year, a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the book. In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all rights back to Bob May. The book became a best seller. Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he created to comfort his grieving daughter.

But the story doesn't end there either. Bob's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation to Rudolph. Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore, it was recorded by the singing cowboy, Gene Autry. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was released in 1949 and became a phenomenal success, selling more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of "White Christmas."

The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long ago kept on returning back to bless him again and again. And Bob May learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being different isn't so bad.

In fact, being different can be a blessing.

Whee

I have baked. Oh, how I have baked. And I still have more baking to go. I made up a truck load of goodies and gave up a sampling to Hubs' boss which they loved. We had our Christmas party Saturday. Just the 4 of us went out and we ditched our kids. We loaded them up with pizza and Mountain Dew and then peeled out of the drive-way.

Thankfully the house is still standing - and so is the tree.

After we had dinner we ended up going back to their house and played cards, talked, laughed and had a really good time. It was soooo nice. I was starting to think I forgot what it was like to laugh. We haven't played cards in years. We use to play all the time with my folks. A lot of it is partners so can't really play it with the boys.

The boys only called once and asked when we were coming home and we didn't have an answer. We told them to brush their teeth and head to bed. They told me later they stayed up until 1 waiting on us and gave up. I find the irony of that very amusing. I'm sure the roles will be reversed before you know it. They did have fun but said it was weird that we were gone for so long.

I'll remind them of this later in life.

Most of the goodies are dwindling already and Monday is the day of I'm getting their favorite cookies done since I have nothing better to do. (Insert eye roll) I'm just wondering if the goodness of cookie will make it till Christmas! I made some Butter Pecan fudge that is really good. I am trying to have self-control but failing miserably at it.

I made some turtles and something new. I have no name for it. Recipe is close to the turtles. Take pretzels squares softened a Hershey's Hugg on it and squished it down with an M&M. Mercy! The turtles are a regular pretzel with a softened Rolo that gets squished with a pecan. I even took pictures! But Hoopty is saying it can't see them and won't upload it from the camera. It's saying the camera doesn't even exist and thinks I'm making it up.

I'm about ready to reboot Hoopty - with Hubs' boot.

It may only go to Facebook - I'll have to see. Right now I'm too tired to mess with it. I'll post how to do it when I can get the pictures to work.

We're on break and the guys are all plotting and planning. I have heard all about it more than the 5 times. I haven't snapped yet but I've been suppressing the feeling with those pretzel things. Hubs is going to help the boys clean out the toy room which means time to grab some trash bags and let the tossing of the broken toys begin!

Friday the boys got "their" shopping done. J was the funny one. He didn't want anyone to see what he got so he was darting in and out of aisles. I saw him commando crawl over to the check out lane. Thankfully no one ran over him. I really should stop calling him speed bump.

In-laws are coming up day after Christmas AND my Dad called and they should be coming up, I think, the 30th. My in-laws may be heading out the door just as my folks arrive. God help me!

Dad is trying to get us to move back to Indiana. Never have I been so tempted!! I was talking about it with Hubs and he said no for 2 reasons. 1) is he doesn't want to live in Indiana as it's flat and very boring to hike in and 2) we would be placing ourselves very close to my parents and why in the world would we do that?

He does have a point. On number 2. Lets just say his definition of a hill and mine are totally different. What I say is a mountain he says is a hill. His family loves it when we come to visit and they take me on what they call a serious hill. Then they laugh at me when my ears pop like 3 times. Talk about your local excitement. What hilarity will be around the next corner?

Although Hubs did get me totally freaked out once before we were married. On one side there was mountain. On the other side tree tops. And we're on this tiny rode in a land yacht. I'm not sure how many times I made the sign of the cross and squealed don't kill me but I do know it was more than 5.

Needless to say the visits out to PA have been few. I still say those are mountains NOT hills.

So now that he has crossed off leaving the state, everything else is up in the air right now and we're in a wait and see what happens game. Which is enough to make me want to whack myself in the head repeatedly until I either lose consciousness or totally forget why life sucks.

Funny thing is I felt God was telling me today to pick up my sword. He said I've taken enough blows, it's time to pick up the sword and start swinging. How interesting.

This Can't Be Good

I have tried to write 3 posts. I get half way through it and then I can't continue. Too personal and too raw. I can't get my therapy sessions done. This can't be a good sign.

I'm in the middle of some serious bake-o-rama stuff. If this doesn't shut the whining and complaining from the guys than it's time to break out the duct tape. They were singing my praises until I told them they couldn't have any of it until I set stuff aside to give to Hubs' boss.

The complaining started up again.
I gave the eyebrow arch of excuse me?
Batting of eyelashes was then played as they slowly reached for some cookie goodness.
Eyebrow arched even higher as did the spoon to smack the hands away.
The glare of disdain was given and quiet angst fell from the children.

They'll get over it. They have inhaled all the stuff that has been made in record time. It's the one batch of cookies that takes me the longest is what they are seriously hinting over. Silly me, I forgot my only purpose in life was to feed them. When did they turn back into newborns???

Man, the thought of that gave me a violent chill.

If I have to hear "I am so excited for the Nerf war" 5 more times, I'm concern I may snap.

At least they are excited so that counts for something, right?

Pew Laughter

We went to wally world tonight and my brain is a bit fried. Since it's late and I should be in bed, thought I would just post jokes. These are actually clean.

Don't look at me like that. You'll recover from the shock. I had a lot of these sitting around in my email that just didn't work well with some of the other ones. Golly gee, can't figure out why. Ahem! Moving on...

CHURCH FART
An elderly couple are attending church services. About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband.
It says, "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"
He scribbles back , "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."


A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

HOLY HUMOR
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, 'I know what the Bible means!'
His father smiled and replied, 'What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?'
The son replied, 'I do know!'
'Okay,' said his father. 'What does the Bible mean?'
'That's easy, Daddy...' the young boy replied excitedly,' It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
'Is there anything breakable in here?' asked the postal clerk.
'Only the Ten Commandments.' answered the lady.

'Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good morning, Lord,' and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good Lord, it's morning.'

Lets not point fingers shall we. It's not all that hard to figure out which one I am.

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: 'I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.'
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note 'I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.'

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: 'I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.'

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... 'Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.'

A Sunday school teacher began her lesson with a question, 'Boys and girls, what do we know about God?'
A hand shot up in the air. 'He is an artist!' said the kindergarten boy.
'Really? How do you know?' the teacher asked.
'You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven....'

You shouldn't be groaning, btw. You should have seen that one coming a mile away.

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, 'Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt.'
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said 'Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.'

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.
The substitute wanted to know what to play 'Here's a copy of the service,' he said impatiently. 'But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.'
During the service, the minister paused and said, 'Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up'.
At that moment, the substitute organist played 'The Star Spangled Banner.'
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!


One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree Outside?
Tommy: Yes.
Teacher: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
Tommy: Yes.
Teacher: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
Tommy: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
Teacher: Did you see God up there?
Tommy: No.
Teacher: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. Possibly he just doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
Tommy: Yes.
Little Girl: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
Tommy: Yessssss!
Little Girl: Did you see the sky?
Tommy: Yessssss!
Little Girl: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
Tommy: Yes.
Little Girl: Do you see her brain?
Tommy: No.
Little Girl: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she possibly may not even have one!
(You Go Girl!)

KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old Reese: 'Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.'

A little boy was overheard praying: 'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.'

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, 'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, And I wanted to stay with you guys.'

One particular four-year-old prayed, 'And forgive us our trash baskets we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, 'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied, 'Because people are sleeping.'

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. 'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, 'Ryan, you be Jesus!'

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said, 'Did God throw him back down?'

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, 'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, 'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

SUNDAY CLOTHES (thanks Margie)
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.
'Hello,' said the little boy.
'Hi,' replied the little girl.
'Where are you going?' asked the little boy.
'I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,' answered the little girl.
'I'm also on my way home from church. Which church do you go to?' asked the little boy.
'I go to the Baptist church back down the road,' replied the little girl. 'What about you? '
'I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill,' replied the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way so they decided that they'd walk together. They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road, so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet.
'If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me alive,' said the little girl.
'My Mom'll tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet,' replied the little boy.
'I tell you what I think I'll do,' said the little girl. 'I'm gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across.'
'That's a good idea,'replied the little boy. 'I'm going to do the same thing with my suit.'
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on, when the little boy finally remarked:
'You know, I never realized before just how much difference there really is between a BAPTIST and a METHODIST!'

This has been the clean jokes post. What can I say? I'm trying not to get coal in my stocking. Hope you got a chuckle!

Forget Calgon

When we last left our heroine, she was snotting herself with just all the crap of life going on. Today she thought about flushing herself down the toilet but the reality of the size of her boo-tay put a kibosh on that.

Here's a news flash for you. Life sucks. And then you die. The end.

I know, such a joyful bucket of cheer I ain't.

Ever have one of those days where all you can do is just stare and blink several times while your brains goes you have got to be freakin kidding me? Just moi?? Figures.

Hubs was home today. And will be tomorrow and possibly the rest of the week. More bad news upon more bad news. Remember me clinging to the side of the rock? I now have my rear end scootched as far off the ledge as I can get hoping my tushy will touch water before I have to let go. Trouble with that is I'm still clinging to this rock trying to trust God that everything is going to be okay but I know I have to let go. My brain says not gonna happen.

Dude had to run a few errands then comes home and said the certified letters he had to go pick up where not good letters but from people who want the green stuff from us. All I can say is thank goodness none of them were named Vinnie or made us an offer we can't refuse. Before we sat down to go over the books, he dumps out 2 day old ashes and proceeds to set our trash bin on fire. We were going over money and I kept saying I think I smell smoke. I was told I was wrong only to be proved correct.

There is now a huge hole in the bottom. At this point, I started to just laugh. The laugh that turns maniacal where people slowly approach you like a spooked horse only with a white jacket type of laugh.

Later today, a neighbor knocked on our door to tell us the bin was smoking. I just love the smell of fresh trash and plastic burning on a wet day. Hubs went out and dumped a truck load of water on it. I have to say, I'm really impressed with his ability to drop kick a bucket. Sign this bad boy up for rooster punting because I think he would definitely medal. Who knew he had such hidden talents?? He could have been an all-star or something.

Lot of hard choices for us to make right now. So to get this on top of everything else was just crazy stupid. For now that's where I'll leave it. Sounds so much more cooler and mysterious than to go in great detail of wringing of hands, breathing through a bag, and sucking one's thumb while rocking in a corner.

Hopefully Hubby will snap out of it. What kind of message does that send to the children?

I'm too busy trying to wiggle out of this white jacket to be much help. I know I need a hug but not from myself, honest. Besides do you have any idea how hard it is to type with my toes??

But not to be a total downer - we did all of our shopping in 2 days. Really helps when you can't do much. We scored some serious clothes for not a lot of moolah. N and M were the big winners which is good as they needed it the most. We were able to find a couple shirts for J and a couple pairs of pjs. I really need to go through the dressers and see what is now J's and what gets packed up. J was sporting really small pjs the other night. I gave him my best 'mother doesn't approve of that' look and told him to kiss those jams good-bye.

We did get the boys the Nerf guns. Not exactly what the older 2 wanted as that was more expensive but they will be well supplied for the battle. I found a video game they had wanted for $20 at wally world. I was so worried they would be disappointed that when we got home, we showed the guys what we got. Totally killed off the surprise but it worked to my advantage.

Not only did they love it but my cool mom points went through the roof. Bonus points because now I don't have to wrap it. Just to keep the awesomeness in check, they have to wait until Christmas to even touch it. I tossed my head back and let out an evil cackle as they said this is almost as bad as not knowing. Like I said, had to keep my awesomeness humble.

But now I don't have to get up early as they only want their Dad for the Nerf war. So come Christmas day it will be just me, myself, a book and a plate of cookies hiding in safety from nerf palooza. I am brilliant. Go ahead and weep at the brilliance of it all.

Except the mom guilt is off the scale. I've wrung my hands so much with worry that I sprained it. Actually I played a little too much FarmTown and Farmville and sat weird and now my arm hurts. Hubs is calling it the loser sprain. I told him at least I didn't set the trash on fire. We stared at each other for a second. And it went down like this...

Hubs: "I'm never going to live this down, am I?"
Me: "No! And you just know it's going to end up in a blog post or seventy."
Hubs: "I really don't think people are going to care."
Me: "True but I'll have the smug satisfaction every time I type out the bonfire of 09."
Hubs: "It wasn't that bad."
Me: "You said flames were shooting out of the bottom."
Hubs: "Well yeah, but not big flames."
Me: "A flame is a flame. This isn't Burger King. Flame broiled trash doesn't work for me."
Hubs: "The ashes sat outside for 2 days. 2 days!"
Me: "And you dumped it on top of paper. Weren't you the one that gave the boys a big speech on fire safety last time we went camping?"
Hubs: "Go rub your sore arm down with the loser cream."
Me: "At least my arm isn't on fire. Come to think of it my little fire pit on Farm Town is doing better than our trash."
Pillow sails through the air.
Me: "Careful! Don't get it near the wood burning stove!! It might catch on fire or something really bad. And then it would melt what's left of the trash bin."

Just so you know, he's a lot faster and stronger than what he looks. I'm not even sure what he did but he leaped over the coffee table, caught me before I could do the Barnie Rubble run (where your legs move but you go no where) and then next thing I know I'm looking up at the ceiling - laughing. I just got my butt kicked.

But other than that, it's just great around here. Yup. Just peachy.

All They Want For Christmas Is...

Holy snow, batman! We got around 8 inches of snow with a chance of another 3 inches this evening. Looks like I'll be baking another round of cookies as the guys have almost polished off the last batch of goodness.

I'm starting to wonder if this is purgatory or something. Cookie purgatory.

The guys are cracking me up. They are so trying to go on break now. When they realize not happening they fly through their school work. Why can't this be a regular thing?? I'm just glad they are totally clueless on all the school cancellations. Muwahaha!

But the sudden rush of git 'r done is because they have a "full on dart gun war" going on. I think I'm afraid to ask what that exactly means, but they have been having a good time together so on with the war. Matter of fact, all they want for Christmas are Nerf guns and a truck load of darts. I mean, what household of dudedom isn't complete without a truck load of darts?

I made the suggestion that maybe Christmas day they could bring all the Nerf stuff downstairs and take it to the next level as they would have more room down here.

Some days I think I need my head examined. This would be one of those times. But I scored more points on the cool mom chart.

A chart and points system that I made up. In my mind.

Minor detail.

Hubs is so on board with this and they have been plotting and planning. I think I may be hiding with hoopty or safely near Bernie as wood burning stoves has a way of destroying plastic darts. Yet another bonus point for Bernie.

I asked if there was a cause for which they fight for. The amount of blinking and glazed over looks I got said a lot. N finally cracked 'Cause I want to, so that's good enough'. How can I argue with that kind of logic?

The nice thing with them being at this stage is they really don't have much they are asking for. We're going to go clothes shopping this weekend. Huge sale going on that we can't miss out on. But with the guys' birthday last month there really isn't much stuff they want. Which is a good thing with the timing of life sucks and everything.

They had their very short list done since Thanksgiving and they just seem pretty happy with life right now. Which means we've kept our panic induced wringing of the hands hidden from them. Go team parent!

Sort of hard to know what to do for Christmas. The money Hubs' folks gave us wasn't enough for all the screw you fees the lawyers tacked on to the foreclosure. There are some days both of us feel very confident God is going to come through. And there are other days that we are face first on the floor soaked with panic. Did I mention Hubs is back on unemployment as of this week?

Yesterday I woke up already in a panic attack. Leave it to me to take that brand of crazy to a whole new level as I didn't think that was possible.

But...

But I choose to trust God even though I feel like I totally lack the capacity to do so. And some days that is more than half the battle. Guess it'll have to be enough.

I was telling Kerri that after all the junk I have gone through the last couple of months....oh my word! I think I would like 2009 to be over with as this has not been a good year.

UNLESS you count all my points on the cool mom chart. This may be one of my finer moments in momhood.

Now What?

So it's like 1:30 am. I'm not sleepy. I'm wiped out! Just got a serious amount of cookies baked. And there is still a serious amount more to do but those will wait for another day. The guys all came flying into the kitchen to see what smelled so good. First batch of cookies. They all grabbed a few and then disappeared.

Um, you're welcome.

Yesterday was interesting. Hubs had been brilliantly plotting about switching around a couple rooms. Bernie turned out to be too hot for a dining room but great for a cozy family room. We swapped the 2 rooms and oh my word the work this involved. It turned out really nice. Our dining room now feels sort of formal. Bit weird, but we like it. Once the Christmas tree comes down, we'll rearrange that room and tweak my pit, I mean den.

Had to have the guys help move stuff around. Went through tons of junk and cleaning and more cleaning. After moving everything around looks like it all needs cleaned again. Mutant dust bunnies are not to be messed with.

I would take pictures but, um, I'm still going through junk and cleaning so it's not ready. Someday I'll get there. Just not today. Hubs did give the guys a hard time for not getting school work done to which I asked where their books were at. After about 5 minutes of searching, the book were a bit buried. I told Hubs to cork it.

Needless to say we were all very happy he had work today. It just wasn't a very long day. Boys have already asked when we start our break. I was all for pulling the covers over my head to avoid reality, as well as their schoolwork, but I was out voted. I still think God cheats. I don't recommend playing rock, paper, scissors with Him. Just saying. He seems to win all.the.time.

Do me a favor, please pray for us. The whole mortgage thing - lets just say it is designed to screw you over several ways. I am beyond spent on the whole thing. I was listening to the new Steven Curtis Chapman CD - oh my word is it good. I was just snotting myself. Spoke a lot about loss and the pain but trusting God in the middle of it. I find my own faith so very little staring up a this huge mountain that just won't go away.

I so want to do the Nestea plunge of just trusting. But I find myself unable to do it. Does not help when the people around me prove to be untrustworthy. I have a long list of where things did not go according to plan. There is not trust. So when God tells me to trust Him - I struggle really bad with this.

Hubs was reminding me of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. He had to take a leap of faith in order to continue on the journey. It looked impossible. When he stepped out, there all along was a bridge cleverly disguised to match the surroundings.

I am so there.

Except I've got a death grip on the side of a rock having a really hard time prying my own hands off. People are willing to toss my butt off the cliff but I have a feeling they would miss the bridge.

Houston, we have a problem.

To just keep piling the poo on, Dad called again. I picked up the phone. I got off the phone and then spent the next 3 hours just bawling my head off at the stupidity of it all. It was a decent phone call just made me really miss the way it use to be. Another gravestone to look at.

I keep waiting for life to make sense. It's not cooperating. Darn it all. I just turned on my MP3 and Hold Fast by Mercy Me just came up. It goes "Hold fast, help is on the way. Hold fast He's come to save the day."

Hilarious, God.

At least He hasn't lost His sense of humor.