Friday, September 18, 2015

Happy Dances And Reality Checks

Sort of a bummer when they show up at the same time, but that's life for ya. Happy dance - we are about 90% unpacked. I still need to paint the guys' bathroom and the downstairs bathroom. I'm putting the kitchen off for awhile because the reality check is I have a rib out of place again. Every now and then my arm will go nub and then I have shooting tingles as the circulation kicks back in. It seems doing repetitive motion makes it really bad. Things like painting and cleaning and life in general seems to cause all these issues of my arm not cooperating.

I need to find a chiropractor. Like yesterday. And I will....eventually. Maybe. Possibleness. Like the possibility is there, but I just sort of have 1500 other things demanding my attention right now.

Another happy dance is dude passed his driver's test and both twins have their driver's license now. Dude nailed the parallel parking first try and smooth sailing from there. For some odd reason he didn't want me to be the one to take him. It's possible that his reasons for it is because when he came home with a big grin on his face, I made a huge scream fest of happy over him. I think it was my 4th lap around the house he told me to put a sock in it. Imagine how embarrassing that would have been in public. I've already set them on a few quests of running errands for me and! Out of milk? Hey! One of you go to the store and get some more milk, please?


The reality check is job hunting. And let me go off on a major rant about this because Oh.Mah.Gawd!! I don't like adulting and to try and help newbie adults try to adult? Well, let's just say there is only enough room in the blanket fort for me! And it's about a 50/50 if I'm willing to ever see the light of day again. I'm in the weird combo of cheerleader and boot.

Once upon a time you went to a place that you were hoping to get a job at. You would fill out an application, turn it in, and wait for the hiring manager to call you. Now days you have to go online to apply, which is fine so long as the freaking software program actually works. We've had a few problems of places not letting us log back in and/or not recognizing the password and won't let you reset it. And I want to know who these high and mighty stores think they are fooling. A resume? Seriously? Your crappy retail store is asking for a resume?!? And it won't let you apply unless there is a resume and a cover letter?!? Do you know how hard it is to come up with something for people who have never had experience? It's been challenging enough for one, but oh happy day, we have the twin thing we always have to deal with. I thought all of our brains were going to explode all over the floor after coming up with a glorious piece of fluff after going through the process for each one, because you have to tweak it for each place. Times this by 2.

I'm at the point where when people say to me they've always wanted twins, I'm just going to slap them right upside the head for not thinking that one all the way through.

One thing I am insisting on is that I do not want them working at the same place. They have to deal with the whole twin comments all the time and people constantly compare them. That would suck a thousand times over to have your work be judged against your brother, especially if it's something he is better at doing. This has left double the searching efforts. And they have been rejecting every.single.suggestion that I have made. Leaving it up to them hasn't gone very fast, so the cheerleader is resting and the boot has come out to play. There has been a lot of stuff happening and a lot of juggling that has been going on and it hasn't been easy on all of us for different reasons.

On top of that, J is back in the swing of things for school. Honestly, it's been just a hot mess of all kinds of emotions going on. It hasn't helped that both sets of grandparents came down with a ton of guilt and pressure on the guys. I get what they are saying, but not everyone has it all together right out of high school. Moving to a big city has been a huge adjustment for us and no one seems to get that. It got pretty bad and there were a lot of words that were said and a lot of hurt feelings. Part of me feels that dealing with people just isn't worth it anymore. Am I the only one out there that is tired of having to be measured by other people's standards and opinions?

If that wasn't enough to do us in, the worthless rental company tried to slap us with a bill for $3000 to fix all the damages they claimed we caused. It was a long list of bull as they tried to say all the light bulbs weren't working etc. While we knew they were going to pull some shady stuff, that took the cake! They sent a collection agency after us. After we sent our letter contesting it, they decided to reduce the amount to $1600. If they think they are getting a nickle out of me, than they are sadly mistaken. But it's been a royal pain to have to get this stuff out in the mail because they date all their stuff and then wait three weeks before they mail it to claim we went pass the 30 days to contest.

The words - they are plentiful and foul.

But on a brighter note, we finally have all our books unpacked! We ended up getting 6 cheapo bookshelves but then Fred clamped and screwed it all together making it looking like a fancy built in. It really is nice to look at. I need a couple comfy chairs in there but that is for a later time. I talked my mom into helping me decorate and stage stuff. Sadly, I did not get that from the gene pool. She made it all look very nice. She said we still have more to do in the dining room, but I'm not sure what she had in mine. But she surprised me with how nice everything turned out. I still can't figure out how to get blogger to load a picture, so you'll just have to take my word that it looks nice. We even have room on the shelves for more books, so this is an extra happy moment. At least I think we have room. I still have about two boxes worth of stuff to read. I am happy to report that I've been buzzing through a few so there is hope I'll get caught up.

That is until I go to the next book sale. Minor detail.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

I Survived!!

I will be honest, I'm wasn't so sure I was going to pull through as it was sort of touch and go there for a while. However, Fred's plan H, as I'm now calling it, held true and we made it. Sure there were some awkward moments like when I found out my FIL shoved a basket of our dirty clothes and a bag of my clean clothes unzipped and shoved onto his open trailer that caused me to have a few panic attacks. I looked at my MIL and said I'm amazed we didn't find my bras and underwear thrown all the place from here to there. She got a good laugh out that one.

I'm still not laughing about it.

And it was a really weird feeling to see my son drive off in his car with his brothers. Although, I am quite proud of myself that I didn't get all teary eyed about it. I was happy for him. But it was one of the weirdest feelings. I did get the other son into the BMV and he passed, like we knew he would, and he is scheduled for another road test. So far marinating him in calming oils hasn't done squat for his nerves.

But he smells nice.

We did have one guy step off the moving truck too soon and cut open his thumb and banged up his knees pretty good, but ever ready Freddie pulled out an emergency kit from his car and got him cleaned up. All while I had to sit down with my head between my knees as I about passed out. Well it WAS a lot of blood, m'kay? Come to think of it, this is the second time N pulled some sort of major injury during a move.

Note to self - get more bubble wrap. And remind Fred to make sure his emergency kit is fully stocked. Scratch that - I'm not moving ever again!

The guys were great. They really made moving easier. Who knew having adult children would actually come in handy? Not only did they handle moving stuff, but they helped paint their rooms too. It has been non-stop work. Teaching teenagers how to paint, interesting. But the older two were happy that they tried to do something new and are proud of their hard work. We are all happy with their rooms. J was super happy to get rid of the electric lime green walls and finally got a big boy bed as he called it. He's too tall for a twin size bed so we got him a full size. If he grows any taller I'm going to kick myself for not getting him a queen size.

Another little mishap was a Wal-Mart floor mat tried to kill me. We were running in, grabbing just a few things, and bugging out. At least that is what we attempted until a wet floor mat took my butt down! That magic carpet ride was over in .3 seconds resulting in me landing on my knees - hard! That was over a week ago and my knees are still black and blue. No, I did not report an incident report because we had crap to do and stuffmart can't do anything at a normal pace. I would still be there if I bothered to report it. But I did noticed when we went grocery shopping that there were 3 brand new floor mats AND 2 caution signs. You just know someone in the security booth rewound that epic face plant several times over. Gah!

My mom came down and stayed with us for a few days. She has been the caulking queen! The place wasn't very clean so while the guys and I were finishing up painting and shampooing the carpets, she was cleaning stuff up. I don't understand why this place was lacking so much caulk when caulk hides a lot of sin. Some of the rooms have painted trim that has no caulking done, and some rooms have wood trim but just really beat up. Mom brought some tung oil and rags then told me to get at it. This stuff is like magic! After she hinted several times over that her old hutch could really use a couple coats of the stuff, I got to it. She was right. I had no idea about this stuff. The guys have been hilarious - they wanted to know how exactly is tung oil harvested? Did they twist a lot of tongues?

But with all the painting and rubbing oil over stuff - I am beat! I'm not even done! She's coming back tomorrow to help me get the dining room and living room caulked and painted. I'm glad she's helping me do all this work, but it's hard to make decorating decisions when you have a heating pad on your shoulder. I did get to laughing when she tried to change Fred's mind on what to do about the kitchen cabinets. I wish I had a bowl of popcorn to watch the back and forth. Except they both tossed pillows at me because it was said I was being a smart@$$ and it wasn't appreciated.

I have no idea what they were talking about........ahem!

I see I'm going to be stripping paint off of cabinets in my future. And there was some serious pressure to pick out paint colors like right now! Again, I'm glad for the help, I just wished she would have held off for another week. Just feel like I'm trying to do everything all at once and then I pass out at night. Last night we finally got our bed all set up. I slept really good once I got my brain to shut off. I'm only catching a shower here and there so I smell like a yeti, my knees are all banged up, I have random splotches of paint on my arms, ankles, and toes. The guys were laughing at me for painting barefoot. I said my feet can wash, my shoes can't. They stopped laughing and took off their shoes.


And how's this for crappy child award? Found out my parents 50th wedding anniversary is Friday and I had no idea. I am a jerk. I threw them a surprise 25th wedding anniversary and it about did me in. Granted, I was 16 but it was all very stressful. So I'm feeling like a real turd blossom that here it is and I got nothing. I asked if she wanted me to organize a family party or something and she said no, she doesn't like parties and doesn't want to really bother. She said she just saw everyone at my grandma's 95th b-day party, and she just saw one of her sisters. And she'll be busting her butt to help me get the place together. Insert all kinds of feelings of guilt. So I told her to have Dad come on down and I'll take everyone to The Cheesecake Factory and then pray Fred's paycheck is a really good one.

It's moments like these that I wonder if Fred looks at me like I'm insane, but then he went and got my Mom a gas card to help cover all her driving and then I feel all ooey gooey. That and totally relieved he wasn't going to go make a sign that says Will Give To A Good Home and park me on the side of the road.

But kudos to Fred for being an awesome trooper through it all! They say Rome wasn't built in a day. I say it's because they didn't have Fred! Any time he has a day off he gets tons of stuff done. Very happy with how things are all coming together and we're all thrilled with the place. It's peaceful. We don't hear doors slamming, people yelling, gun shots, sirens, or some jerk revving his car at midnight. And oh happy day! I don't hear the guys a whole lot when they are playing music and I'm downstairs. I can actually watch TV! All at the same time! The crazy is at a whole new level.

So even though everything was bumpy and crazy, my happy cup is overflowing. Granted, it's splattered in paint right now but the happy is certainly there. Just in time for me to realize that some time next week we need to work on a lesson plan for the upcoming school year. Boo!

Friday, July 24, 2015

Light It On Fire!!

Bust out the marshmallows! Our plans got napalmed! And not in a well we can shift this here and there. Nope. Burnt it all to heck.

Thank the good Lord that He gave me Fred, because that man is really unstoppable. Dude came up with a plan on the fly while I'm just now crawling out of my blanket fort to throw away the half box of tissues I've used from all the wailing and gnashing of teeth.

We were told to get utilities changed in our name for Friday - okay check. We got moving truck all reserved for Saturday and Sunday - check. We had people from out of town all set to come help us move - check. And then last night I got a text message from Fred that we aren't closing until.....wait for it.....Monday.

Allow me to sing you the song of my people WAAAAHHHHH! Son of a nutcracker! AAAHHH! Ah! ah!

Seriously was in the middle of an ugly cry when my phone chimed, I picked it up, wiped my eyes and there was a message from my man saying, "I have a plan. We got this."

And that is just one of the reasons why I truly adore him.

The new plan is we got another storage unit, as we already packed out a small one. We got the moving truck for an extra day. We're going to load up the truck and pack out the storage unit with anything that will fit in my TrailBlazer. Then we're going to load up the truck Sunday with everything else. Fred's parents are the only ones now available so they are coming out Sunday night with a trailer and truck. We're closing Monday afternoon and then it's going to be a mad dash to get everything over to the new place. Then we'll try to get the storage units emptied throughout the week before a new month rolls in. Oh yeah, and get a kid in to take his written test to renew his permit and then schedule a driver's test.

God help me.

I did have a few weak moments of Tourettes and the eye twitch did signal in Morse Code this sucks. I do have to agree with the old broad, but have little choice but to go on. I don't know how long the in-laws are staying, and because this is my life, my folks will be available to help during the week. For those of you tracking - they all don't get along. Would that be th'all? Kind of like y'all only more? I give up.

History has taught me that the sheer amount of stupid garbage that is going on can only mean that we have another huge blessing coming down the pipe. At least we better because my nerves are like 'Seriously? This crap AGAIN?!?' And how sad is this? I have no chocolate in the house. Gasp! This is a crime!

And if I have to eat one more frozen pizza I think I'm going to barf. We're clearing out the big freezer and apparently Jared either doesn't bother to count how much stuff is in there or he is preparing for some type of zombie apocalypse. I really have no idea how or when I dropped the ball with him, but I'm starting to think it might be a genetic mutation because he makes my head hurt. I'm finding myself yelling, "Really?" at him while he just grins at me and slowly slinks away. You know how funny it is to see someone about 6 ft try to slink away? It's flipping hilarious which doesn't help when you're trying to yell at him. At least Fred hasn't mind eating all the bags of pizza rolls.

Right now I'm refusing to come out of my blanket fort. They haven't noticed yet, but I'm sure they will once they've noticed I took the box of poptarts with me. I keep waiting for Fred to pack up my blanket and then shrug all mystified as to where did it go. Not like it would be that hard as my fort is really just me hiding under a blanket. Actually, dude is in the zone and has no time for shenanigans right now. Which is a shame because I think that is something I excel at, while blanket forts - not so much.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Smells Like Freedom

And possibly fish.

It's not helping that we've had a ton of rain lately. Especially since this dump just loves to flood. I had us all prepared and ready to go to battle a round of flood waters but, thankfully, our preparedness kept the flood waters at bay. At least it did till about 3 a.m. when it said nanner, nanner, caught you sleeping.

Oh the joys.

Well last few weeks have been a whirl wind of activity and high drama. I no longer know what day it is. I didn't realize that my waking hours consisted of preparing for work, getting ready for work, heading to work and then actually working, only to come home and curse the work's existence all while I try to cram as much stuff as I could before I started all over again. Vicious cycle. So take all that out and I've been actually getting stuff done. Got a lot of packing done. Totally embarrassed by how dirty everything is so I've been doing a lot of cleaning too.

There are not enough words to express how happy I am that I'm not at that soul sucking job. Retail work is hard work because you have to survive all the demanding people who want everything for nothing.

We are still waiting on a closing date. I wish I were kidding. Especially since we have a moving truck ready for this weekend after Fred did all kinds of switch-o-change-o on the schedule. Plus we have Fred's folks coming to help and my cousin and her husband are coming to help us move too. The stress this has caused has just sucked. We got an email that for sure the 21st was the closing date. Gander a look at your calendar and tell me what the date is. IIII KNOW! It was supposed to happen today but now we're told it's either tomorrow afternoon or Friday morning.

My cuss jar overflows.

Especially since our plan was to get in there and paint the guys' rooms and clean all the carpets upstairs before we moved in. Yeah. About those plans. I'm trying not to imagine those plans going up in flames. I keep telling myself those are not smoke trails I see coming out of those plans.

As if all this wasn't a wonderful ball of gooey. 1 twin passed his driver's test, the other didn't. Do you know how hard it is to celebrate and yet be totally bummed out at the same time? What really sucks is it was parallel parking - that was it! And let me tell you how many hours we had them practice and that was when we had to cram it in when our work schedules actually lined up. What shocked us was this is the kid that has nailed parking every single time. To hear that is what held him back surprised me. What really sucks is it sounds like it was spiritual warfare. He said everything was going fine and then when he couldn't get the car to line up right, he said confusion rolled in, then anxiety kicked in, and zilch. No pass. Which really ticks me off. I can't remember the last time I parallel parked.

Extra bonus points on this sucks - his permit expires next week. We have been trying for the last 2 months to get them in but every BMV has been booked out for weeks. So we have to get him in next week before it expires and he has to take the written test again, and if he passes they will set up a time for him to take the road test again two weeks out.

Oh yes. Because I have nothing better going on right now.

I will at least say I'm thankful that they aren't going to make him wait 180 days, because I think I would be throwing my cuss jar across the room.

The hard part is that he is ready and we have worked with him and prayed over him. So to see him go through this and watch it suck all the confidence right out of him makes me so mad for him and yet there is nothing I can do about it.

My dad asked if we were going to have Jared take the written test to get his permit too. I said there is only so much my poor nerves can handle and that ain't it! Not to mention junior chicken overheard this so he squawked and ran out of the room.

Calgon is a lie because I tried to drown myself and I'm still flipping here!

I think Fred is about ready to hide my blanket as he told me to stop making forts. I've been tackling laundry while going through my clothes. How is it possible to have a ton of clothes and yet still feel like I have nothing to wear?!? I have 2 large garbage bags that are now overflowing to take to Goodwill. There are already 3 bags from old coats, shoes and stuff the guys have all outgrown. I just now need to haul it over there. At least I would if my Blazer wasn't full of painting supplies as I thought that was what I was going to be doing right now.

*mutters* I am not bitter. I am NOT bitter.

I'm going to chalk up my crankiness due to lack of sleep. I was startled awake at 5 a.m. by the mass raid on the area. According to the news, local police and FBI agents were attempting to round up 40 very no good people. I think they really need to up that number because there is an apartment complex not that far away that is almost always bathed in flashing lights and crime tape. Not to mention what all was going on at that house on the other side of us last fall.

Who knew we would be really excited to move? Granted, it's for multiple reasons, but this is the first time all of us are happy to be moving and where we are moving too. That is a miracle right there. At least it will be once we actually close.

I think I'm going to go sit in my fort while I wait on the dryer.

Friday, July 10, 2015

Taking Procrastination To A Whole New Level

Fred keeps kicking me out of my blanket fort and tells me I need to get a grip. Like right now. After a few rounds of angry eyebrows, I forced myself to get all my scrapbook stuff packed up. And let me tell you how low I felt looking at how far behind I am on the guys' books. But then I muttered how my whole "me" time got stolen and I feel like ain't nobody got time for that now. Especially since I feel like 2 out of 3 have hit most of their milestones and I don't even remember the last time I even touched my camera, let alone think about recording this moment in life.

I'm not even sure I want to remember this moment in my life. I mean, I do but at the same time I don't.

How sad is this? I pulled a "guy" moment where I did something and looked all proud of my accomplishment and looked to my better half trying to impress him at my said accomplishment. Thought I was going to get a good job coming from Mr. Robot. Instead I got a snort with a mumbled about time because this was like his 5th trip from cramming stuff into the storage unit he got. I'm going to blame him as he got a smaller unit than last time and is now pulling some super power stackability thing going on. And spell check about blew up at that word. I'll just chalk it up to that dude is a lot harder to impress than what my procrastinating ways can muster.

George decided to grace me with his royal presence. Wished I would have known as I am without chocolate. Scratch that. Last night now makes total sense. I made a pan of white chocolate chip blondies, slapped it up with some ice cream and then hosed it down with this white chocolate sauce I found in the coffee aisle. I'm not sure how to describe it other than I need to lock this stuff up because I sort of envisioned tossing my head back and squirting that bottle for all it's worth! Yum!

But that means my last 2 days of work are going to be uncomfortable. Tomorrow is my last day. I just have to survive tonight. I feel someone was spiteful in the schedule because I close and then turn around and work opening shift. I have a lot of mixed feelings about the whole thing. I'm a big, big fan of money as I can tell you from personal experience that not having enough of it really, really sucks. So not having that extra cushion is causing me to have some anxiety. However, the thought of still working there causing me a whole other round of anxiety and giving up the will to go on. At least this way I won't have to keep a straight face while someone yells at me for their expired coupon.

I've decided that I will cope by staying in my blanket fort and read my stacks, nay - piles of books. Except Fred packed up all the books. I thought maybe I should get back to working on a blanket I'm loom knitting only to discover that it too has been packed up. As the other 2 projects I had going on. And before you ask why do I have multiple projects........OOOO shiny!

Where was I?

We are still waiting on a closing date. The only advantage to all this waiting is that the sellers are going to be out by the time we close, which the last date they wouldn't have been ready. The only downer is it is going to take one big miracle to get it by next weekend. Which is now turning funny because all the people that offered to help are now busy and can't help. So if we do get it - it'll just be the 5 of us moving all our crap. Which this will be our 3rd move doing everything ourselves so honestly, I'm not phased. Or surprised.

I'm laughing at my folks right now. We've all had computer issues lately. We buy refurbished stuff as that is what our budget will allow. I think back in April my Mom's computer died so we got her a refurb tower. Right after we got our new one, my Dad called and said his died and needs one too. While getting him one, we found a laptop for J to use on his schoolwork because his computer was on its last leg. It was so sad to see this big dude hunched over trying to do schoolwork on this small computer monitor. The kicker is we bought 2 things and had them sent to 2 different address. They both arrived here.

But of course they did!

I called my Mom and she had me laughing. I guess they have been "sharing" a computer and it hasn't been going very well. So when I told her it was here rather than being shipped to them, she volunteered my Dad to come down and get it. Well, okay then!

I seriously hope my procrastinating ways would just go away. I don't always have the energy to play rock, paper, scissors with myself to get things done in a timely matter. I get things done, but it's usually with my hair on fire and running around screaming like an angry chicken. While this is amusing to picture, I'm sure the guys will tell you it's no picnic to live with. I keep telling them girls are all crazy, they just have to decide what flavor of psycho they can live with. Their dad usually has that look that says, "she's not kidding" but refuses to say my presence.

George says if you need us we will be in the blanket fort refusing to come out and make dinner at 3 pm so I can eat dinner at 4, get out the door and get to work by 5 battling rush hour traffic. I can do this! Tomorrow! I am free!!

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Well That Was Exciting

Had our main computer go belly up. Or more like it was in a self-destruct count down that we weren't aware of and every time we turned it on, it thought to itself - soon, and then silently cackled. Naturally, it would have to be to itself, because I would lose it if the computer just started to cackle. I would hose it down with holy water, or maybe just water, and tell the devil to come out of it. Or possibly pull all the wires out of it and chuck it out the front door.

But I digress.

Nicholas turned on the suicide computer and he said it sounded like it was winding up for lift off. I'm no expert, but that can't be a good sign. I guess it went on to make all kinds of groans and noises that I had to ask if smoke was pouring out of it. I was given that look that only I can get. That look that screams "are you for real?!?"

I would like to take this moment to point out I am not a fan of that look. So much so, that I feel it forces me to amp up whatever it is I'm doing just so I can remain queen of the dork. It's moments like this I have the urge to call my parents and apologize for being a teenager and then thank them for surviving as that gives me hope I'll survive.

I decided to take a nap instead because I have a feeling my mother would not be merciful on that conversation.

So we got a new-ish computer tower and it has worked very well. I'll leave off this is the first chance I've had to sit down at it as other people were hogging it and my work schedule is strange. I had no idea what type of a panic I would have as I had to try and remember all my bookmarks. Plus, I had my grocery shopping list template like thing to re-do. And that is a royal pain in the buuutttt it's worth it.

I know. That was lame. I have no excuse. I'm running on very little sleep. I'm not sure what new phase this is but I can barely stay awake till midnight, but I'm awake at 5:30 a.m. For a night owl like me, I feel like my body is pulling some shady betrayals.  I blame it on I had to close the last 3 nights and closing just kicks any and all ambition out of me. I have the next few days off and today my body was like I ain't moving! You'll just have to pee on yourself cuz not.moving!! Which is going to be odd since I need to go grocery shopping.

I'm sure you can just pick up on the glee and excitement from there.

But something that I'm still feeling giddy about is I put in my 2 weeks notice. We have so much stuff going on that I'm not available to do much. Still waiting on a closing date but it may just be a couple weeks away. And just tons of stuff to do. I thought I would be feeling more relief but instead I'm battling feeling overwhelmed. If that wasn't enough I had a few nights last week where I was just gripped with fear and lots of what ifs. Not fun to walk through it, but it has certainly been an opportunity to invite Jesus into the middle of it so I can get healed and move along.

I was actually surprised to hear how upset all my co-workers were when they heard the news I was quitting. I mean, like come up and hug me and tell me that my smile made their day and they didn't know how they would go on without me to make them laugh. That took me by surprise. There are many times that it feels like the stuff I do day in and day out doesn't mean a hill of beans to anyone. So to get this huge out-pour from people who don't really know me that well knocked me for a loop. I know I've made them laugh - some of the stuff I've pulled and said over the headsets have left them all in stitches. Some of the cutting counter ladies will come up to me and said I made them laugh so bad one night that people thought they were all crazy. I can't help it. Humor is the only way I know how to cope. I'm going to miss my co-workers, but I am so not going to miss that job!

I do find it interesting that everyone wants to know what job I'm going to do next. I was briefly thinking about transferring to the other store, but I heard the manager is kind of a jerk. The only reason I was considering it was from all the fear that decided to hop up and down on my head. All I'm getting from God lately is "make yourself available" and "get ready" with no other details. I can't say as that makes me warm and fuzzy with this peaceful blanket enveloping me. More like this wonder of is that a good thing or a bad thing? How do you get ready for something you don't know? I had this weird dream like I was playing Wheel of Fortune and I kept asking for some vowels because there wasn't much of a sentence going on. Then I had a dream that I was a rabbit that was going all Sherlock looking for clues.

I have this horrible feeling it's all a strange cry for help but I can't seem to piece it all together. Not really. I just think dang I have issues and roll over and go back to sleep. Who has dreams like these??? Anyone? Yeah. Didn't think so. Gah!

And I've held Fred back for as long as I can on his crazy packing ways. We both have tomorrow off and I know what this means. I will have to stop him from trying to pack up the kitchen. I'm not complaining too hard. Dude has a gift. He won't let anyone help him pack but there is a reason. I can ask him where something was from 3 houses ago if we still have it and where is it. It takes him about a minute to remember where it ended up, and then goes and brings it back! It is truly something to behold. Yet he can't remember the 3 things I send him to the store for. Never fails. 2 or 3 things, he will forget something. Makes my head hurt. But we've always joked it takes both of us to make 1 normal person. Except you could probably question how normal that person is but that's a whole different story.

Hopefully we won't have another drama filled move this time. That last one - oh my word! I've been telling Fred he better stay healthy and he, of course, caught a bit of a head cold and we've all been avoiding him and making him take Vitamin C. Don't want to get hit with the plague again especially right when we need to move. And here's something weird. I've had lots of people offer to help us move. Come again??? I'm not really sure how to respond to that. Part of me is so use to people not being there that I'm like yeah, okay we'll see if you actually show up. And then the other part of me feels all panicky because I'm like how are we supposed to feed people?!?

Drama. I don't save it for my mama. I tend to let it kick me in the can and then back up over my head so I can feel all overwhelmed and refuse to come out of my blanket fort.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015


Because that is the sound you make when you are on a roller-coaster ride. Either that or AAAAHHH!! but I've already used that for a blog post title. I'm not really sure I've caught up with everything that has gone down this last month. And believe me, there was a lot of stuff and a lot of angst shoved in there for good measure. As only I can do with life, I guess.

Seriously hope you have a snack to carry you through, because this is going to be long. Matter of fact, close your eyes for just a few seconds to try and rest them up for this. Ya good? Good.

Right after J's b-day, serious teenage angst went down. For days. I'm standing there listening to the rants telling myself that jail isn't worth it and stripes really aren't my thing, so I needed to hear them out. Suddenly everything I say is crippling and damaging. I already know I've struggled with my tone of voice - I've joked I come from a long line of screamers. And I have been guilty of having a pretty hard bark. But when I come home from work and their chores aren't done and all they've done is goof off? Well, honey, buckle up for that chewing cuz y'all earned it! In their defense, that has only happened twice.

But the problem I'm having is they are constantly assuming they know what I'm thinking. I told their dad he has not taught them well if they think they can know what a woman is thinking. Talk about pressure! Now I have to stop and second guess myself over everything I'm saying. Then I get irritated and just end up saying nope, and let er rip! I had one say to me, you said this and I'm like, no I didn't. I said this. Well that means you think this. Noooo it doesn't! I never said that, thought that, or implied that!
Fred had to stepped in and said you guys are falling into a trap most men make. The main woman in your life is not your be all, end all. You guys can't look to your mom to validate you. That's not her responsibility or any woman for that matter, you have to get that from God. He then proceeded to pull out every John Eldridge book we own and told them to have it. I think M is more than half way through everything. A miracle has happened as N has picked up a book as well - voluntarily. And it's also a miracle Fred stepped in and calmed everyone down. Wait, that's not really a miracle because he just does that without really trying. It was just a miracle he was around when a major angst rant went down. But they've seemed to all chill so yay for John's books coming through again! (His book Killing Lions is really, really good for guys just leaving high school and collage age.)

We heard from our car insurance company. The guy is STILL in the hospital. He's having a lot of respiratory issues. About the time he gets out of ICU and into a room, he gets an infection and back down he goes. But they did get a lawyer and filed a claim. Thankfully our insurance company has decided to pay it to protect us. I have mixed emotions about it but want to just put it behind us and move forward. The lady did try to make us feel better as she said the guy isn't an upstanding citizen and has a very long history of criminal activities so we shouldn't feel bad. What can you say to that? And dude is white, so nobody better start any race junk.

Another round of angst was getting the mortgage company to commit. They finally said yes the day before we were to sign another year lease with the worthless rental company. A house popped up a few days before this that we were REALLY wanting, but it was sold the day before we were able to go house hunting. Talk about disappointing! We did find a house. Kitchen needs an update but other than that we are thrilled with it and we'll be moving in July. Tons of stuff has been going on regarding all that.

What has cracked me up is the guys picking out paint color for their rooms. Typical Fred - came home with like 10 books of paint samples. You should have seen the struggle and careful consideration that was going on. Who knew watching all this back and forth was going to be so entertaining? Except for J who took a whopping 1 minute to pick out a color verses M took days. N picked out the same color combo we had in our den at our old house. He changed his mind when I pointed that out because the green was more green than olive as the paint sample shows. But we're laughing because they all picked out different colors but all in the grey tone. They are their father's sons.

However, it's looking like we aren't going to have a whole lot of time to get in and get a lot of painting done before we move in. My mom, who is addicted to pain fumes, is all giddy with coming in and helping. J's room is going to need primer first as obnoxious green needs to go bye-bye real fast. Seems to be the in color. Every house we saw had green. Some a nice green and some not so nice. Like this bright celery green color.

Now the kickster. This house is like less than 5 minutes from a different Joann's store. Not the one I work at. I want to quit. I felt like God was telling me I needed to make myself available especially for the guys as 1 car 2 people thing is going to get challenging here real quick. Me working has helped out a lot. I like most of my coworkers a lot, but the customers about drive me batty. I've been told I can transfer to the closer store, otherwise if I quit and need to get a job again, I'm looking at another 3 months before I get hired. If I do put in for a transfer, I feel the honorable thing to do is go through with it. I don't want to get to new store and say just kidding! I was talking with all the guys and I said I know I'm scared. I'm scared of moving to something new and have more crap show up and not have a way to pay for it.

I've been wrestling with this for months. When overtime is available - Fred is all over it and we're doing good. But we all know overtime isn't always available. So that makes me nervous. And just like satan - I get a text from someone and she goes for it. Can you afford not to work? I can't really repeat what I wanted to say. I should have responded with thanks satan for asking! But I have a feeling it would have flown over her head. And probably caused some angst.

We were all praying last night and N called me out on being afraid. He was right. He had a word for me and it rang true. Gosh, whoever raised these guys really did do a few thing right! Now I just have to tell the main boss lady I'm quitting soon. If I told her I was quitting now, I'm pretty sure she would kill me on the spot as we have inventory next week. I'm going to finish out the month. Which is a good thing because I came home from work and Fred has an abscessed tooth and will finally be going to a dentist. He's only had a couple busted teeth for like 10 years and is horribly addicted to gummy bears. I can't even say I told you so because I've been an enabler.

And top it off, the worthless rental company is slapping us with a $700 bill to pay for the busted windows they never replaced from the neighborhood jerks. They are giving us till the end of the week to pay it and they won't take our phone calls. To say I'm livid is an understatement. Their lease is worded to screw over the tenant at every possible angle. Last week the whole basement flooded. Nailed our bedroom again. And why does it flood? Because they refuse to replace the back basement door and won't put in new drain pipes like it has been recommended several times over. So the water builds up at the back door and when the drain backs up out front, it pours through. I came home from work, got dinner done, we all ate, and here came the flood gates. Fred was at work so the guys had to help haul the shop vac up the stairs and dump it.

I feel like all I'm seeing is dollar signs for everything. I'm trying not to bust out the ramen noodles and tell everyone to eat PB sandwiches. Because these years have been hard. Devastatingly hard. The ride has been bumpy. Matter of fact, I'm pretty sure we've gone off the rails a few times to boot. And all you can do is hang on and hope you don't crash and burn. The weird thing is I've learned you can rise again even after the crashing and the burning. Although I'm not sure what it says about me that now I make sure to always have a bag of marshmallows ready to roast in case of anymore burning.
Does this mean I'm carpe diem-ing? Or I'm more messed up than what I think?