Wednesday, July 16, 2014

I Knew It Was Going To Happen But...

I'm still amazed at how many times people feel the need to comment on my name while at work. While I can't actually say the name of the store, I'm hoping you can figure it out. Otherwise, I bet you are one of those people who have this ability for stating the obvious. You might also want to find another blog because I'm pretty sure you won't understand most of what I'm saying anyway.

Case in point, I was on hour number 6 of working. The place was a zoo, I was holding my own but was tired. I've been told by several people that I'm a very pleasant cashier. I'm sure those happy statements will fade away if I keep getting Captain Obvious strolling up to my register. His girlfriend put her items down for me to scan and I could just feel the comment bubbling up his stupid chute ready to explode out of his pie hole.

CO: "Hey! Your name is Joanna!"
Me: "Yup. Have any coupons today?"
CO: "You're so stupid. Why would you work here? You need to go work at a different store."
CO Girlfriend: "Knock it off. You're not funny."
CO: "So do you get confused and answer the phone wrong? I bet that would be funny."
Me: "Actually, I keep forgetting what my name is so I thought working here would help my cognitive memory. But thanks for pointing out my mental issue."
CO: "Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! I was only kidding!"
Me: smirking "So was I."
CO: "Wait. So you can remember your name?"
Me: "Unless I grabbed the wrong name tag again...."
CO Girlfriend: "Would you just leave her alone!"
CO: "Well good luck with all your issues."

Oh buddy! You have no idea. I could have been a horse's arse like you! I didn't even say that out loud, so as far as I'm concern - this was truly a huge moment for me.

I think I can maintain composure for like 5 hours. After that - not so much. By hour 8 I think I actually called a guy Captain Obvious. I can't remember, it's all a blur right now. Huge moment gone.

So....

I'm surviving. I no longer come home and just stare at the wall thinking about back flipping into a pool of despair. But that may be because I haven't worked all week. I don't know if it's a goof with the schedule or what. I can't get a hold of any of the managers to find out. Maybe it's to let me recover from last week? Highly doubt it, but don't know what else to think.

It's been a bit overwhelming to keep numbers and stuff straight. About the time I get the hang of it, I'm on to something else. Sunday was crazy register day. It was crazy but me, being me, was able to handle it and seem to entertain people while I was at it. I actually like doing the register. I was put at the cutting table last week and if I'm honest and open, my mind slid to the dark side and thought of just cutting myself up and mailing the remains home.

Let's just say - I didn't get the hang of it and leave it at that, m'kay?

Actually, no. Let's just go there. I felt my brain giving up the will to take in oxygen. I could not get the hang of cutting the fabric. I could handle the devise and ringing up the ticket, but could not get the fabric to work with me. I was all thumbs and couldn't keep my hand on the fabric the proper way. It sat there totally mocking me too. It shimmied, it slid off mark, and pretty much was like a slippery wet baby that was not going to be contained.

It was felt. The most unslippery fabric out there.

I was dreading this, and before you say I jinxed myself, I would like to think I had some discernment and already knew where my weakness was at....and it was the cutting table.

Nemesis - thy name is fabric.

The only thing that redeemed last week was I got to straighten up stuff and return things to stock in the scrapbook area. I was a happy camper for the last hour. Until people started asking me where stuff was and I had to stand there and say, "I have no idea." and try to slink away before they asked me another question showing just how much I didn't know. Granted, this was only like day 2 of actually doing things, but it is pretty much sink or swim type of environment.

I'm not sure where I'm at in that equation. Feels like sinking.

But I would like to state that I am now convinced my man is not even human as he thrives on working. And dude can work 14, 16, even 18 hour shifts. I would also like to state I now feel like an old used up dishrag. I don't even have any chocolate on hand. Tragic on so many levels.

I'm actually surprised by all the reactions I've been getting on Facebook. I haven't had a paying job in 19 years and I'm not thrilled to be doing this but don't have much of a choice. My phone about wore itself out from all the notifications and emails of people wanting to know what's up. I had some people give the impression that they are relieved that I'm finally getting off my butt and making an effort in society, and then on the other extreme people are dismayed that I'm giving up on being a mom.

Seriously?

I'm not sure if I've isolated myself to the degree that I'm surprised by unsolicited advice, or if it was an ill-timed comment when I'm not sure how I feel about all of this myself. Depending on the day, and the mood, I have a different opinion. I sort of feel at war with myself.

It doesn't help that the schedule is all over the place. I understand it takes time to get on the schedule etc. but keeping things running smoothly on the home front takes planning and all this juggling has been hard on my nerves. Everyone keeps telling me I'll get there and it'll be old hat. Just not sure how I feel about the hat.

Monday, July 7, 2014

It's A New Day

I'm not entirely sure what type of day it will be but it is new. I sort of felt bad for making it sound like the guys aren't doing well driving, which the fact that I even felt guilt for expressing what I was feeling in a moment should tell you the paranoia is still alive and well.

They are doing fine. It just takes practice. And squeezing in all these extra minutes here and there has proven to be challenging. Toss in the fact that the car insurance company has raked us over the coals - times 2 - and then come up with paying for gas on 3 vehicles all while Hubby is still in training and hasn't seen the raises yet has left us scrambling. All that equals up to this chic went out and snagged a part-time job. So did Hubby but that's for another story.

Dude is part cyborg and I honestly don't know how he does it. I'm freaking out about juggling everything and he works like a dog and doesn't bat an eyelash. He works full time at the hospital and part-time at a Menard's in the evening. The guys mowed the lawn yesterday and Hubby went out and raked the whole yard, logged in more driving time with the guys, it was his night to cook, and he worked a 4 hour shift. And this is his weekend off from the hospital.

I am not worthy to carry his slippers.

But all of this has caused a lot of feelings to come bubbling up. I knew I was an emotional mess but holy smokes! I feel like I'm getting tossed all over the board here! Honestly, if I were try to put it all out here of what a hot mess I've been over it, your eyes would give up the will to read. It's been hard on me and right now I'm freaking out about scheduling and getting everything done. The thing I'm sort of steamed over is I just got all the transcripts done, just felt like I got the guys squared away and now I'm off to a job and leaving it to them to hold the fort down. Part of me is having a hissy fit because when was I going to have some ME time?

And I'll wait as you catch your breath from laughing hysterically.

I told myself all winter long to hang in there, the older guys were almost done and that is one huge check off the list, and then I could focus on some other things. Ha! That was funny! Except now I'm mad at myself and feel like somehow I should have seen this coming (I didn't) and that I should have planned better. If I only had a nickle for every time I thought that!!

It's kind of hard too because everyone is so excited for me because and I quote "it'll get you out of the house". I'm sorry, but have you seen the people that are out there? And you want me to go be a part of it because why??? And judging by people's reaction they seem to think I've suffered being at home and are totally blowing off how upset I am over all this change.

Hey! Guess what? I STILL DON'T LIKE CHANGE!!!!

It's a fabric and craft store and if you squint, my name is in it. I think this is the only place I could survive at since I've been doing crafts forever. The funny part is I hate to sew. All thanks to an unfortunate bobbin incident when I was in junior high taking a home ec class. (I couldn't get the stupid machine threaded no matter how many times I tried. It was pitiful. I even looked at the teacher and said just hand me my failing grade now and put us both out of our misery. Hard to believe I redeemed myself in the cooking section and was the only reason I even passed.)

I sort of begged to not have to be near any of the sewing and when asked why I said sewing machines can sense my fear. They laughed so hard and said I was hired. I'm not sure I'm going to get my wish.

Actually, funny story about that is - the night before my interview I was all over Pinterest to get ideas and what to say etc. I go in and I'm asked to tell a bit about myself and why I want the job. I got to the part where car insurance is the devil and they are robbing us blind so I need money, and the lady hiring was nodding her head and we ended up having a half hour rant about car insurance and it turned into 2 friends catching up over coffee.

Never asked me any of those questions I spent all my time preparing to answer.

Fred laughed so hard when I told him. He was on the floor gasping for air saying only I could skate out of answering questions and turn it into a social gathering. I'm not sure if I should be insulted. Personally, I think he's just jealous because he's not good on the social skills.

But thanks to modern technology, I got to do all my paperwork online. Cue some evil form of music because that whole mess was enough for me to give up the will to live. It took days to wade through all of it and after being on hold with tech support for a few hours all while I tried really hard to understand what the Sam hill they were saying, I'm pretty sure the eye twitch started its own theme song. I thought I had it all done as that's what the confirmation email said, but sadly I go on my first day only to have it say nope! We spent hours with more tech support and I was sent home to try and fix it on my end. More hours wasted, and a whole lot of cussing muttering, I think it's all fixed. But by the time this all got squared away, the managers had left....to go on vacation.

This is way too much effort on a job I didn't really want to get as far as I'm concern. And to top all that off, I feel like God has been extra giddy about this and I'm not sure what to make of that. Which I've had choice words for Him about this whole ordeal, let me tell you! Life has not gone according to plan. Every time I try to plan, it goes up in smoke. I think I keep hoping God is going to swoop in and fix everything and I'm finding He hasn't therefore He's not going to, so time to put on the trudging shoes and get on with it.

Oh trudging! How you never seem to really go away.

I'm sure this will give some interesting new blog fodder. Certainly looks like I'm going to need more therapy before this is all over with. Especially since they just called and I'm going in this afternoon. Oy!

Thursday, June 26, 2014

I Did Not Hit The Frappe Button On The Blender So What Is The Deal?

I think it is the month of June. I can only assume this because that is what my phone is telling me and I'm going out on a limb to trust that thing even though it likes to randomly shut itself off for no reason. Clearly, it has its own set of issues. Much like it's owner, but let's not go there.

I'm not sure if I'm happy we rent or irritated that we rent. This time last year for the 2 of you that read this drivel - we had no air and the dishwasher wasn't working and the bathroom they were supposed to fix was starting to grow interesting things on the wall. As in break out the hazmat suites!

Right now the air is blasting away that I'm wrapped up in a blanket. Hey, the basement gets really cold. Anyway, I digress.

We've had a lot of drain issues with this place. By ish-yahs I mean if I didn't babysit the washing machine the water would back up and flood the basement. And on those fun occasions where we get down pouring rain of biblical proportions, the basement floods. Where our bedroom is and the fa-game-a-den-off is located. (That's family room, game room, and den/office/school room all combined into one)

Fun times. Said no one ever.

We had an issue last month where we couldn't flush the downstairs toilet and sewage was starting to back up. Many calls were made and I am not a fan of the company the rental company uses to fix things since they took over 2 months to get anything done last year.

Like I said, I am not a fan.

The office gal and I had words last year and I heard from one of the workers when they finally got around to fixing the bathroom after sending out multiple guys to just look at the problem rather than actually fix it, that I was dubbed a pain in the butt. I smirked and said I've been called worse now do that dang job that was supposed to get done a month ago. Or something that was supposed to sound aggressive but sounded suspiciously like a chicken squawk. Although, my chicken feathers were starting to fly when it was the middle of July and still no air. What can I say? I got tired of these guys showing up at 9 am only to look around, make a list and promises of coming back and fixing it only to have days go by and repeat the process all over again. After the 3rd week, my clucking turned to cussing and it got done.

So all of that to say office gal and I don't like each other. When she called back to the emergency call of I can't flush the toilet, her response was "gosh, it's gonna be a week until we can get out there." I said wow, this is listed as an emergency and by law that means it's supposed to get taken care of within so many hours. She replied that she remembers this address and my number.....it's going to take us a week to get out there. Click!

Oh yes, she did.

I called the office manager and told her what was going on and she hit the roof. I highly suggested they find another company because they were getting bad service. Totally different company came out that evening and gasp! actually fixed the problem! No longer do I have to babysit the washing machine, although I still do because after a year of this, old habits die hard.

Turns out there are roots in the pipe. Do tell.
And the other handful of plumbers who came out never even got to the problem. What a shock.
He highly suggested not using that company again. Dude, you are preaching to the converted. Now go tell the office manager this information.
I didn't get to hear what the actually dollar amount is going to be but it was up there as they said there needs to be new pipes. Home owner doesn't want to do it. So far, they've only dumped root killer in the pipes. We haven't had any more problems so I'm hoping that fixed it. But glad I don't have to pay for it!

Now toss in some fun that the home owner bought this place at a tax sell and now has figured out there are issues and has been trying to sell it. There is a buyer so we've had assessors come and go. Maintenance people come and go. And the fun part is they only call Hubby's cell phone - not mine - so the person who is actually here and hanging out in her pjs has no clue someone will be showing up in T-minus 5 minutes.

I was in for quite a shock when one of the maintenance guys showed up who looked and sounded exactly like Ron White. I thought I was getting punked and almost asked if Larry the Cable Guy was going to show up next. Thankfully, I didn't go that far on sticking my foot in my mouth. I was barely able to keep a straight face while he was talking to me.

Nice to see I haven't matured very much.

I was sort of bummed as we had to sign another year lease, but it turns out it was a good thing we signed when we did because new owner was trying to figure out how to up our rent but can't until next year. Which we better be out of here or I think what is left of my patience will evaporate. However, the thought of moving in the middle of everything else going was more than I could bare. Me, being the delicate flower than I am and all.

No, seriously. There has been so much stuff going on that the very thought of mentally picturing packing up and moving caused me to have a seriously sob fest. It's been a stressful few months. Toss in my hormones are meaner than your hormones, and it left me in a deep fried mess.

The guys are still working on going around a corner smoothly. The other day, it wasn't and I feel like I'm in such a raw emotional state anyways that it was by the grace of God I didn't snap at them. Although I'm pretty sure the door handle will forever have my claw marks in it. Practice! Practice! Practice! I have more errands to run, so batter up!

I would ask for emotional support but at this stage just send chocolate!

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Done!

It's too bad that last week flashed by faster than I could ask, "What month is it anyway?" But I am happy to report that I didn't break down sobbing like an idiot at church. Instead, I was the annoying person flashing several pictures to have people look at me like seriously lady?

I'm going to miss that church.

I laughed when pastor Randy looked at the boys and said, "Crap! I knew this was going to happen. Which one are you?" I find it funny. Nicholas is 2 inches taller than Michael. What do you mean you can't tell them apart? Michael has a mustache and Nicholas has no mustache. They have tried everything they can think of to give people a fighting chance. They have also come to the conclusion that most people are not too bright and don't observe very well.

I told them I didn't want them to get jobs at the same place. This is going to be a pain as far as juggling everyone's schedule, but they can't go to the store without it causing some type of reaction. I want them to have something on their own and not constantly compared to the other one or someone asking if they're twins.

But I wasn't prepared when they asked all the family members to come up too. So I wasn't able to get a whole lot of pictures. Oh well. It went well, had a good time, and a huge feeling of accomplishment is had by all. And for whatever reason, blogger won't load any of the pictures I'm trying to add of the special day.

Crud. How am I suppose to gloat now?


Now the fun part. I sent out graduation announcements. The trouble with this is - I have lost most of the address we had. I'm sure it's buried somewhere around here in a box, but try as I might - I haven't found it. I made a plea on Facebook that if anyone was interested in getting one to please let me know and I need their address. No one responded.

Okay then.

I was able to scrape together a list with actual addresses and mailed them out. And here come the nasty phone calls and emails. Actually, it's just my mom. I didn't send any to a lot of cousins. Part of me feels like why should I? I didn't send their kids a card for their graduation so why would they send one to mine? I figured no harm, no foul. I guess I was wrong. But I'm connected to them via Facebook so I sent messages saying wasn't my intention to blow anyone off and they all said it's good and my mom is being silly.

Wasn't the word I was going to use but clearly they are more mature than I am. *couch, cough*

On top of that, there are people we use to go to church with and even a few who read this blog and sadly I don't have addresses to send them one. And as an added bonus - I only have 7 left. I did bloody well ask people, this crap ain't cheap, and people really do suck and I've lost all faith in humanity a long time ago. (See previous posts for the last 5 years) so there is that.

Sorry. But you like never call, you never write, you don't even comment on this blog sooo I'm thinking I am way off the hook on this one.

My mom said I've offended relatives. The relatives my kids have no knowledge of their existence. The relatives they'll never see. The relatives that I only see every 10 years. I'm sure they will learn to cope at some point in time. If not, this is going to make next month's reunion a trip and half.

My mom also wants me to send one to my brother. Yeah, about that. We sort of having a blinking contest which neither one of us has made an effort to contact the other one. So far it's been 8 years. Why would I break my winning streak now? Do I hold anything against him? That is sort of hard. Because I would say no, I don't hold anything against him, but I am hugely disappointed in him. It gets old real quick to hear him tell me everything I'm doing wrong in my life while he waits for parole.

So who knew graduating your kids would cause all kind of weird family issues to come bubbling up to the surface? Because I totally missed that memo. Or maybe that's just MY family and all its issues we tend to ignore.

Friday, June 6, 2014

I Knew I Was A Control Freak But My Word!

I think I reached a new level. I had the guys drive me to the store in their car, and I will admit there was a moment of sheer terror as the thought hit me that I'm putting my life in their hands. They did fine, but I had to battle every thought of "Let mommy do it!!" I think the circulation is returning to my hands from the death grip I had on the door handle.

That was hard! It's not that they are bad drivers, they just need some more practice. As Jared pointed out, they drive like little old ladies. I'm still surprised that one is still alive. But it's a whole new experience of letting your child decide if you're going to live or die. And there is nothing you can do about it! Gosh, I wonder if this is the same kind of terror my 94 year old grandma feels when her kids keep talking about shoving her into a nursing home.

Seriously, I had no idea to what degree I had things in my tight little grip. There are things the guys do on their own no big deal. But this involved ME! And I was at their mercy. I wasn't prepared for the emotions that would bring up. I almost feel like I need therapy now. Or maybe they need therapy - how to get your mother's claws off of your life. Which is odd because I didn't think I was doing that at all. There have been several things lately (job hunting!) that I've had them handle and do on their own.

This is going to be an interesting next few years.

Second, I find it a bit ri-donk-ulous the prices I've been finding regarding grad pictures. And that whole times 2 thing? This crap ain't cheap!! So after spending tons of time scouring the inter-webby I came to the conclusion I was just going to wing it with my camera.

Somehow I managed to con talk the guys into mowing the lawn. Then I stressed out so they took pity on me and we did some pictures because nothing makes me move faster and stress more than waiting till that last minute to do senior pictures and make announcements like needing it done like NOW!

Procrastinators unite! Tomorrow! At some time....at your convenience....or not.

But the beauty of it is we have this huge tree out back so I used that as a backdrop and it worked out perfectly! I snapped a few from my phone and posted it on facebook and people are already saying nice pic! So naturally the ones from my camera will be a lot better. Hopefully.

Next came the price game to see who has a better deal. Is it cheaper for me to have announcements made or make them myself? In case you were really wondering that question - it is way cheaper to have them made at like Wal-Mart, Walgreens, and CVS verses some of the other uppity sites I've been on. Kaye gave me a few good pointers because I found it much cheaper at Wal-Mart than anywhere else! (Thanks Kaye!)

But this has left me to the point where I'm slamming my head repeatedly on the desk. Lot of stuff to wade through. I got over feeling guilty about the whole party thing and that was mostly because people took pity on all my whining to tell me story after story of people shelling out hundreds for a party and hardly anyone showed up. I waved buh-bye at that guilt only to have the next one roll in when my mom couldn't believe I wasn't going to make the announcements. I got over that one fairly quickly when I started price checking stuff.

And I quote: "Ain't nobody got time for dat!"

Jared pointed out that he doesn't know why I'm bothering - it's not like it's a party announcement, I don't have a lot of people's address any more thanks to moving twice in a year, and it's not like I want any of the relatives to show up either.

See previous statement about not sure how he is still living.

While he does have a point, I feel all this pressure to do it. We ordered their diplomas and they arrived today! Woot woot! Here is something you never hear at a home school convention - what to name your school. You want people to take their education seriously, but if you name their high school Lil Shepherd's Academy - might not have the right punch to it. Or they may get asked if they rode the short bus to school. I don't know. I can tell you after filling out tons of job applications you want to sound credible. 

But the stress has robbed me of all sleep. I told the guys if I break down bawling this Sunday it may be mainly from a lack of sleep. Actually, we all know it's not true. Worth a shot.

We're picking up their cake tomorrow. Scratch that - they are picking up their cake tomorrow. I'll be making their favorite dips and snacks. My folks are coming down. Fred's folks can't make it. And our place is so small, it can barely handle us let alone extra people. But it'll be good. They'll get a bible with their name engraved on it at church, we'll give them their diplomas when we get back, awesome snackage will be had, and more pictures. Then next week I can get it all printed out and mailed off and then pass out.

Almost there!

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The Emotions Are On Overload!

We've had a pretty crazy week. Our computer caught a nasty virus and it looks like it's down for the count. Since XP is no longer supported there have been whispers that Explorer would be vulnerable. Let me assure you those whispers are screaming right!

The guys' school stuff works off of Explorer and sure enough days after XP was no longer supported - the creepies moved in. We tried several things but it was a no go. Was able to limp the computer long enough for them to finish up before it did it's final self destruct sequence. Even though it was shaky right down to the last day on whether the computer would work or not, we did prevail and they are now graduated!!

WE DID IT!!!!!

And let me tell you about the emotions. So far I've broken down and had an ugly cry three times. I've only been caught doing one. The guys were all chuckling at me. They said I deserved the award not them. So did not help because that triggered enough water works to blow through half a box of Kleenexes. And then God hopped in on it and felt this huge atta girl and there went the other half of the box!

I still have to finish a few other things to get their final grades and then finish their transcripts but most of it is already done. I'll be ordering their diplomas hopefully soon - after our new computer arrives. And I'm not really sure what to do about announcements. I was looking on Pinterest to get some suggestions on picture taking. I think I'll have to bribe/blackmail to get them to let me try taking a dozen pictures at different settings. I can almost hear the excitement they won't have.

My mom called and was gasp! congratulating me on a job well done. She acknowledged my perseverance and told me that they are my life's work and my legacy. And there went another partial box of Kleenexes. She wants to be at the church. I tried to dance around it. I told her I've had a few ugly cries and she laughed and said that's typical me. Okay, who is this woman? But she suggested I make the graduation announcements.  Eh, I'm still behind on their personal scrapbooks - I'm not sure I can whip out a bunch of cards and get them mailed this week.

I think I've been able to bask in the I'm Done! moment for only a couple of days. Now everything that has to get done over the summer has come rushing in and knocking me flat on my butt. I sort of feel cheated. I thought the warm gooey feelings would last a bit longer. Either that or it was the month long aunt flow visit. Something threw my system for a loop but thanks to the almighty Google I found out Aleve will stop a heavy period. One of the pharmacist said it is hard on the kidneys so drink extra water and I think she said the maximum level was 7 pills a day. I did take more than that and took it with food as I heard it can be hard on the stomach. Took me 3 days but it did work! Where was this information like a couple decades ago?!?!?

And toss in more crazy - Hubby got the in-patient job at the hospital he works at so he is now a level 2 tech. Crazy hours, but more money. I'm going to miss that weirdo, but thankfully no more customers who scream and demand their medicine be served up for free and right now. Oh the stories he could tell.....that he won't let me repeat. Something about patient privacy. Anyway, we're excited. He had a going away party and I chuckled at the many reference to how much his hard working self and my cooking will be missed.

So it has been a week of change. And there are moments when the excitement is really high only to have the reality that life is going to be different from now on to bring it down to a low. Jared will be a freshman in the fall. He's been super grumpy and keeps taking naps - hello another growth spurt!

It just feels like life is at this crazy turbo speed of getting them ready to launch out into the world. What sucks is I'm having to push them when my heart is screaming for me to hit the brakes and hang on to their ankles. There are those moments when I just wish life could just stay the same for a little bit longer because I feel like so much of my life is still in shambles and not settled. So the thought of them starting to pull away to do their own thing feels like another leg sweep to the old emotions.

Oh look! More tears! Well this box was feeling kind of low anyways, might as well finish it off. *sniff*

It also seems like there is an over abundance of commercials about graduation and hitting mile stones that I did make a hasty exit out of the room because the ugly cry seems to still be lurking just under the surface. I've apologized to the guys several times. I don't think this is going away anytime soon. I feel sort of sorry for them. I was already telling them about where I want to sit at church so I can get good pictures and then I burst into tears.

This is going to be interesting.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

I Did Mention This Right?

About how bad I'm feeling about not being able to throw a graduation party? Member that? Well. The other day I spent a good part of it on Pinterest to try and come up with something. I am still overwhelmed with it all!! Anytime we start to talk about it, I get choked up and start crying. The guys are chuckling at me.

I have a feeling this isn't going away any time soon either.

Here is something I wasn't aware of - this crap gets expensive!!! I wanted to do pictures - they don't. Pictures times 2 equals a small loan. I looked at announcements and am still trying to recover from all that. I actually found some for a good price but I'm not sure they'll let me put both their names on it. I hope so because that times 2 thing really sucks sometimes.

I think I got caught up in all the yay we did it that I overlooked the practical stuff. Like is this really necessary? Tassels? Class rings? I found a website that shows how a homeschooler can do sort of like a yearbook. It looks like a super fancy scrapbook of their year.  I looked at the price and said no. Not to mention the guys didn't want it anyways. We really don't know a whole lot of people to do a party and they are thrilled because they said they really don't want to hang around a bunch of adults getting grilled on what are they going to do with the rest of their lives and put up with kids they can't really stand anyways.

Please tell me how you really feel.

But now I am totally siding with them on this. I heard through the family grapevine a few cousins and an aunt going off about how low we've gotten and what a shame we didn't have the guys license way before now. Now they are tsk tsking about why the guys don't have a job and what a rotten mother I am. Here's the thing with that - they are a bit chicken when it comes to driving and we didn't really have the money for it. Throw in a big move to a huge city and it amped the chicken by a lot. Then get raked over the coals with insurance - times 2. But they are getting better and are almost there. We haven't tackled highway driving yet and I'm not sure who is more nervous - them or me. Plus, they have looked into getting jobs and jobs aren't as plentiful out there as people seem to think. Needless to say, I'm right there with my guys on not wanting to play nice with relatives that constantly look down their noses at us over everything.

And they wonder why I avoid reunions. Nothing like getting treated like you are a piece of poo. If I want that type of treatment I'll talk to my mother.

I had to chill out and remember what it was like when I was their age. I was homeschooled and was thrilled I missed out on prom and didn't have to do the cap and gown thing. I sort of had this concern about tripping on the gown and making and epic lasting impression - and not in a good way. I felt honored when our church called all the grads up and prayed over the group. That was good enough for me. I did have a party but it was more of a pain than a blessing. My mom made me organize it and do most of the work. My brother got married and there was all kinds of drama with that and my mom was doing flowers for a cousin's wedding the following week. It was a lot going on and not to mention my mom wasn't all that um, festive or supportive. Shocker.

Our church is doing the same thing for the grads and we all feel that will be the right thing and then we can come home and have tons of snacks and cake and give them their diplomas. I have this terrible feeling I'm not going to be able to stop crying. Just sitting here typing this and I'm tearing up! I'm proud of them, I'm shocked we made it, and I can't believe it's finally here. And I still feel that algebra is from the underworld! I saw on Pinterest "And satan said, add letters to math" I laughed so hard I snorted!!

But one thing is for sure - I don't want my mom at the church!! She will totally ruin the moment and I can't deal with her. I already feel like a wreck and my mom has zero tolerance for tears. She also has this annoying way of making EVERY FLIPPING THING about her and why SHE'S had it sooo much worse than the rest of us losers. That really isn't the day I want to finally snap and go all gangsta on her. I'll let her know about the snacks and cake but I'm not letting her in about church until after the fact. It's going to be bad enough to hear her tell about what a trial I was. I thought about playing her the song Let It Go but I have this feeling she won't grasp what I'm trying to say. Pity.


I was whining about the whole party thing to a friend of mine and she was telling me that her daughter just graduated college last semester and she spent hundreds of dollars on food and stuff and only 8 people showed up besides grandparents. Ouch! I said I have attended tons of graduation parties, wedding and baby showers, etc that part of me feels like people owe us. Trouble with that is they are all back in another state. And not one of them would travel down here for a visit, which I can't blame them because I've used that very excuse to blow off extended relatives. But it was nice to hear from yet another source that it doesn't always have to be "normal" just try to figure out something that will honor them and let them feel happy rather than obligated.

Plus Sissy might be here and if she's around a party will be had one way or another. Fun will be had, tears will be shed, and cake will be consumed. That sounds like party, right?