Monday, October 29, 2007

I'm Not In A Rut - I Think

Okay, I'm being accused of being stuck in a rut - or more specifically a funk. I'm being forced encouraged to go on a ladies retreat at our church, and I mean bullied strongly encouraged. I'm not entirely thrilled with going.

It's not my fault. When the said retreat was planned it was picked on a weekend that my in-laws were planning on coming up for Thing1 and Thing2's b-day. We found out just a few days ago that they aren't going to be able to come up for a few weeks after that. Boys were bummed but I appreciated the heads up.

However, something came over my children for them to share this news with people at church and it got around. After much demanding insisting that I come I tried to bow out gracefully for two reasons. 1. Money, especially with the boys b-day around the corner. 2. Didn't want to, as I would need to make stuff, pack stuff - all in all more work that would require more ambition than what I could muster.

I tried to appeal to my husband's cheapness frugalness but he sold me out and said that I needed to go. Ya try to submit and they hang you out to dry - refuse to submit and you get a fight. Who keeps changing the rules??

But he claims that I've been in a funk. Do tell. He said that before all the drama that my parents brought with their 'I fought the law and the law won' saga I use to be a bubbly personality that would jump at the thought of anything fun. He said I don't do that anymore. How observant he is - so bright his folks call him sunny.

I would like to think that I'm burned and bitter older and wiser and have learned that doing too much is not good for the family. Boys got tired of being in the car ALL THE TIME as we traveled back and forth - this is of course when gas was affordable. Now since I only get one tank a paycheck I try to plan accordingly.

Oh, that was another point I brought up thinking surely the man would remember that I only get ONE TANK OF GAS and there is no way I can go there and back. Actually after looking at the map it's not too far from here, but that's besides the point. Another friend said she'll be going right by my house and said she'll stop and pick me up.

Drat. Double drat.

My friend Kathy looked at me and said guess you don't have any more excuses why you can't come. A part of me sees that as a challenge. Is there something wrong with this picture? I'm actually thinking that coming up with some whooper of an excuse, nay not one but many, as a fun mental challenge. I think I miss the Blue's Clues days. At least there was an excuse for me being slightly off - now it's just the reality of me. *Sigh*

Kathy went on to say that my personality is a yellow (sanguine) and I used to thrive on this so what's the deal? Oh, how about life chewed me up and spit me out and if I just quiver quietly in the corner it won't notice me?? Nah, too depressing.

What's the old Christian-ese stand-by? "Why nothing is wrong. I'm fine." (adjust plastic smile).

Okay, what if I've embraced the funk? What if I made peace that life totally sucks? Apparently that is not acceptable for some people. I'm now trying to find stuff to bring so I can get it cleaned and now have to come up with something to snack on. This means now once I've made up my mind (believe me, no small task) I get to run to the store to get the stuff and then I have to make it. Sounds like too much work.

Aren't I a bowl of sunshine?? :D

My hubby asked what if I have a great time. He misses the point that I just don't feel like getting off my butt and doing ONE MORE STINKING THING all the extras just to go to something that I may have a good time. There is no guarantee that I'll have a good time therefore I can't entirely justify all the work it would involve just to go on a possibility.

Oh, dear Lord help me - I sound like my husband. Okay, I'm in a funk. Now what??


John and Alison............. said...

I'm not sure how I got to your blog (possibly through BooMama or BigMama's comments), however, I been reading your blog for about 2 weeks. Something about this post, struck a place in my heart. I just want to encourage you to go to the ladies retreat. For the past several years I have been going through a LOT, and the encouragement and strength I receive from being with the ladies in my church is ASTOUNDING! I'm saying a prayer right now for you and your family.

Joanna said...

Alison, thank you so much!! Really appreciate the prayer.
I check ya out - I think we could be sisters! You with a doggie me with glasses.