I think my body is having issues. It's acting like a teenager with break outs and double-me-over cramps. I've been to doctors and all they want to do is give me b.c. pills or hysterectomy. Uh, no. What's behind door number 3??
My favorite is eat less, move more. Really Einstein? I had never heard of that one before! I see you've also told me to lower my stress. Well, I chose the power stress eating so that kind of kills your eat less theory. The amount of movement I would have to create to burn this off is enough to light up a town or two, maybe even three.
I don't see that one happening.
And the cold. I now can't, can not stand to be cold. The kicker is if I get too hot I kick all the blankets off but I instantly turn back into an ice cube. No slowly lowering the body temperature.
Delicate flower I am.
I come to bed and snuggle up to my nice warm husband who claims that I'm not really human as no human being can get that cold. Once I've thawed out, I no longer want the human heating pad who has me in a head lock so I won't put my cold feet on him again. I can't help it that the warmest part, therefore the fastest area to get warm, happens to be his inner thighs. And really all the screaming? I think he is just being overly dramatic. And they say men are tough. Pffft!
I'm being mocked right now as I'm usually sitting here typing this wrapped in a blanket with gloves on. I live in an old house with old windows - wind blows curtains dance. We tell the kids to layer and always wear socks AND slippers. Everyone has their own blanket to snuggling into while we watch TV. It truly is a bounding thing. A family that freezes together is pretty much stuck with each other.
This is the reason why I'm baking a butt-load of cookies, but I can't keep making cookies unless the current ones are eaten. Who am I to knock this delicate system out of balance? It does help that the guys can consume a large amount of cookies but lately it's at an alarming rate. Now I feel like I'm a slave to the dang oven to churn out another double batch of whatever. And heaven help me if each dude's fave isn't out there. Oy vey!
I was just trying to get warm here, people! That and get my cookie dough AND chocolate consumption done all at once. I am a multi-tasker.
Just in case someone wants to say it I'll head them off at the pass - I'm not pre-menopausal. I'm watching my cousin go through it and let me say it ain't purty! One moment she's in a blanket the next she's about to strip. I can tell her husband is loving her power surges as my aunt calls them. Since she's the oldest of the clan the rest of us are now terrified of 'the change'. So I know that's not my problem as I'm not giving up this blanket. I just don't like the head-lock as it messes up my hair. Maybe this explains some of my hair woes I wake up with - Grrr, baby! Or not.
Crap! I smell something burning!! I guess this is why I'm suppose to stay in the kitchen to monitor the cookies. How boring, but at least I don't need my blanket in there. Do y'all like to bake cookies or are you forced to make 'em at knife point?
Friday, November 30, 2007
I think my body is having issues. It's acting like a teenager with break outs and double-me-over cramps. I've been to doctors and all they want to do is give me b.c. pills or hysterectomy. Uh, no. What's behind door number 3??
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
As I sat in my chair, I felt something disturbing in the air. It was on the tip on my tongue, it was right there and it tasted like dung. I started to panic wondering what could I have forgotten, and then it hit me - my last week of freedom about to be rotten. I rushed to the calender to see if this were true, but alas it was and my mood turned blue.
I spent the rest of the day fighting this mood, but old aunt Flo decided to show - golly how rude. As I was assaulted by cramps and bent over with pain, my phone began to chirp telling me it was about to rain. It was my father you see with just another request - if I would be able to hunt down a moving van, or truck, whatever was best. I looked at the phone with anger and disdain, clenching the phone feeling totally drained.
But then the sun broke out and started to shine, enter my hero that husband of mine. He said don't fear, keep my chin up - we'll be fine, as we will help extract them from our behind. I dried my tears on his shirt and laughed with glee as I pictured my mother serving her dirt. Just a helping or two of some humble pie as I refrain from rubbing her head in it - oh my.
But then a verse flashed across my mind and caused my laughter to stop short in my throat. I pictured a woman thrown at His feet and accusations were all around. I watched as He pulled back his coat and bent over and wrote on the ground. He stood back up and declared "Let him who has no sin throw the first stone". One by one the people did walk away, each accusation falling down in dismay. He looked upon her and asked "Woman, where are your accusers?" "There are none." She replied. "Neither do I. Go and sin no more."
As I tried to grasp what my Lord was telling me, I knew all at once what was meant to be. I was not without sin - there have been many and if I pointed at my mother who would win? Yes there is pain, but I've been praying for healing so no anger would remain. I knew He's been leading me to find my voice but how I use it is a powerful choice. Will I condemn or will I extend mercy? Will I cower or will I stand?
So as I have this last week, and before the pressure pours in, I choose to stand for what I seek. To do right by my God, my husband, and my children but to show mercy to my enemies all while standing my ground. To quote my son No is a beautiful word as ya can't get around it or back it down.
Now where's the chocolate and the Midol??? And someone better pony up that heating pad right quick!!
Monday, November 26, 2007
I love my boys dearly - hubby included, but what is the deal with them getting right up in my face?? All four of them do it. Right in my face. So close that it makes my eyes hurt. I'm talking about seeing spots, losing focus, eyes crossing, lean my head way back for someone to take a hint while my eye balls find a pulse all of their own.
Not to mention that I get to inhale the odoriferous breath. Surely my boys aren't the only ones out there that have to be physically dragged to the sink and threatened with me taking a wire brush to scrub the moss-covered teeth?? Anyone? Just us, huh? Dangnabbit.
Apparently one of my eyes is near sighted while the other one is far sighted. What? Another part of me not able to make up its mind - oh there's a shock. My eyes thus fight over who is going to focus first.
Eyeballs with control issues - I know no bounds as nothing is sacred.
This of course can give me headaches as they fight and bicker over who will focus first and at what distance. So can you imagine the havoc it creates when someone finds the sweet spot that causes my eyes to just ache and freak out all at the same time?
And I have four guys that all love to hang out in that sweet spot. Oh joyous me, however did I get to be so lucky? The freak thing is my husband loves to do this because he can actually see my eyes go bonkers. Thanks dear! I made these 'special' brownies just for you and when I say 'special' it might have a bit of laxative aftertaste to it but that's just a fluke - go ahead chew up. giggle, giggle!
I kid - I could never do it. Besides he's waaay more devious than I could ever hope to achieve. Push comes to shove, dude could so walk on the dark side. Therefore I'm not even going to nudge him in that direction. I just hope his spawn haven't taken after him in that area. So far so good.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Thanks to some schmuck at KPEP who didn't bother to do his job and verify that Dad really was at work, they canceled his Thanksgiving time. By the time he found out anyone that could have fixed it was already gone for the whole weekend.
I felt bad for him as he was really upset. So bad was this feeling that I decided to spare him my latest round with Cruella. But then again he had complained in a letter to her that I whine too much and he doesn't know what I expect from him.
At this point in life - not much.
So the chair was denied - again, but I did have a good time with my grandparents, aunt, and cousin. I'm still amazed at how organized shoppers they are as they even have itinerary. Why didn't I get this from the gene pool??
While I would like to be out shopping it just wasn't meant to be. Instead we're hanging around here putting up TWO Christmas trees while I need to give all the guys haircuts and continue the never ending battle with the laundry. After listening to my Grandma tell us what all they use to do to do laundry I'm loving my washing machine and dryer!!!
A moment of thankful silence that I wasn't born way back when.
Friday, November 23, 2007
For someone who doesn't like change very much I seemed to switch things around a lot. I'm trying to gear up for the holidays - and on a happy note even.
We shall see how long this lasts.
I did get an email back telling me I did NOT qualify for the free CD. Turns out it's based on how many people check out yer blog in one month.
Virtual rejection - this is new for me.
I'm at least smart enough to stay home rather than brave the public on the shopping domain. If you're gifted in this area - yay for you. Since I don't have that gift I'm better off staying safe. My MIL has been known to crash into people with her cart if they go to slow. I'm still scarred over that one.
Hope y'all had a good Thanksgiving! And let the madness of the holidays begin!!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Someone told me the other day that I was really funny, well looking at the last several posts it certainly doesn't sound like it. Sorry.
I will try to take a break from the whining and find the funny things but I'll be honest it's not that easy to see during difficult situations.
God really does have a sense of humor. Last night I was flipping through some youtube Christian comedians, and if you have ever lived in Indiana from 1950 to yesterday then you've been exposed to the Gaither's whether you wanted to or not. Mark Lowry is a trip!! How I stumbled upon it is still a mystery and had clicked on something of his before I knew what it was.
Phone rings so I hit pause.
After screeching with Cruella, I had stormed through the house and did some power cleaning. I came back and saw that it was still on the Internet and on pause. I sat down still in a huff and hit play. It was so funny! I would like to post it but if you'll remember I'm still having issues with the whole posting stuff of the blog. But there I sat laughing my butt off and all that anger and rejection just lifted right off of me. God is so cool!!
With Thanksgiving being tomorrow I'm trying to gear up for the holidays on a good note. I was over at BooMama's and mercy she said to go here for a free MWS CD. I actually got through but now I'm in a cold sweat as Big Mama said we're to put the banner on the blog. Whodda what go where?? It might be too late to get the CD but you really should just go here and check it out - good stuff!!
It helped me get on with the thankfulness!!
Got off the phone with
Mom Cruella DeVil and was just filled with all kind of anger warm fuzzy feelings. Apparently the woman thinks the word "no" is a challenge and not to be taken literally.
Forget June Cleaver think Glenn Close in 101 Dalmatians. Let the record show that Cruella went to prison for animal cruelty and in 102 Dalmatians fooled everyone that she had learned from the error of her ways and was a good person until she snapped out of it and went back to her evil self.
Mom? Is that you??
Except my Mom isn't even trying to come across repentive. She's what we would call combative. I told my husband we should install metal detectors so she won't shank us in the middle of the night.
Since I don't think the rapture is going to happened on or before December 5 I guess I'll have to dust off the tazer and put in new batteries. I'm kidding as I don't have a tazer but guess what I want for Christmas?? Insert evil cackle.
Sounds awful, I know but I've been hanging here trying to figure out schedules on when I need to pick up the bundle of joy from the bus station and which bus station would be helpful. She calls up and doesn't know time or location. Then why are you calling? What? Another laundry list of things you want me to do? Bwhahaha. Not happening - to which I get to hear my very existence bemoaned. Exactly - zap her til she twitches. I really am kidding sort of.
Here's the kicker. When I mentioned what
ungrateful nasty hurtful load of bull the three of them had to say about me she was shocked, shocked that I actually cut open a box that was address to me at my address and went through her personal stuff. Insert some sort of snort, wait I'm still snot filled - how bout Gaaahh? She said she sees we're going to have words and she's not going to get into it on the phone.
There is a whole lot more to the story then what all I've dredge up. 1, I didn't think anyone was reading this blog 2, there is just too much crap to even know how to sort it out. Do you really want to hear all the details of them missing their court date and how I was the brunt of it back in 04? All right around the holidays. So if I come across very ba-humbugy I have my reasons.
To hear 'we're going to have words' - this fight will not disappoint. I know the throw down with my Dad was totally lacking but Momma will not let y'all down. And she will use the chair - the woman has no shame. But just to prove to them I didn't fall far from this spiteful tree I'm going to re-confront my Dad - at Thanksgiving - in front of his parents - who think I'm a saint - and don't like my Mom. Yes ma'am I am. I'm so pulling the crying little kid while pointing at my Dad daring him to back out of this one routine. That is my own version of the chair.
Believe me when I say I'm not someone that looks for revenge - far from it. The sheer amount of crap I have put up with is proof that I'm not a vengeful person. But the double standard I have lived with my whole life, well, I've had enough. I was always told that good girls don't get angry. Pfffft!! God got anger too thank you very much. Anytime I would speak up for myself I was told I was outside of God's will etc. The thing I was taught at a young age was self doubt and then they turn it around to hold it over my head for compliance all with a scripture to back it up.
I told my husband I am so livid I'm done. If I'm such a disappointment to God and my family and if that's how God is then I want no part of their God. I know I'm not a disappointment to God and I can see how I've let my own fears dictate my actions. They've told me my whole life to get a backbone and stand for something. Okay. They asked for it.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Where do I begin? I got through all the letters - my family says I'm not doing the will of God. Translation? I'm not doing what they want me to do. Boo-hoo. God must have taken a vacation and left my family in charge. Be afraid.
I practiced all the way out to get my Dad what I was going to say. He was so happy it almost seemed cruel to tell him. He is a nice guy - there is no way not to like him, but the man should have been a politician. The moment I was so worked up was finally upon me. I wasn't boiling with anger and simply told him in a calm voice simply because we were sitting at the Secretary of State.
He looked totally guilty, as in a kid with several cookies stuffed in his mouth and his hand in the jar going for more caught look. But what baffled me the most was all I could get out of him was that I shouldn't have read those as they were private - that was it!!
I bet my mouth hung open as I waited for something more - anything to explain what was going on. When the crickets chirped the third verse I figured that he wasn't going to add anything else so I said they were addressed to my house and I wanted to know what all they were saying amongst themselves. I think I even stuck my hand out like your response? He wouldn't respond to any of it no matter what angle I came at. He kept saying there was mis-communication and that when we all sit down and talk about it we would clear the air. End of story. Yeah, right!
We didn't have much time. I dropped him off at KPEP for him to sign in and then sign out, loaded up the bike and we went to lunch where I hoped to get more of a response. Not much. He said there wasn't enough time and I took him to work.
Sunday he had a furlough so we had to hurry up out of church, said good-bye to in-laws, baked sale went well I heard, and I scarfed my lunch down and went and got him. Hubby and boys took the car to my cousin's house where we were meeting as he still can't come here yet. Sat around and not much of anything was cleared. Oh, there's a shock!
The whole thing was lacking in every way. I didn't get to use the chair, there was no hair pulling, no smack down - bummer. That sounds soo bad, but I'm tired of all the junk, tired of hurting and being hurt so I'm looking for an ending to something and it's just not going as fast as I would like it.
In the midst of all this in-laws were here. Boys were in a huff because they had to wait until Saturday to shop. Oh the nerve of us to make them wait. MIL made a cake that looked like a treasure chest. The woman is the baking queen.
I felt really bad for her as she's having problems with her sugar levels, my FIL, her church and unanswered prayer. She had some hard questions and I was completely drawing a blank on what to tell her and was nodding my head right along with her. Encouraging I was not!
Even though my parents have been a pain it has only been the last few years that they've pulled this. My parents didn't fight, we were in church my whole life and had the Leave It To Beaver family. I think that's what has thrown me for a loop is how they have been behaving the last few years. Can you picture June Cleaver in an orange jump suit clanging a cup across the bars??
I have no words of comfort to tell someone who has a crappy marriage what to do as I can't relate. With everything that has been going on Beth Moore's Loving Well has felt like a huge list of impossibilities - we can love anyone through anything. Is she kidding?? She said that if we've been using duct tape to keep our hearts together rather than letting God heal us then we're in for a rude awakening. Okay, that one hurt.
I thought the duct tape was working!! I was at least functioning. Now? I feel like the worn out guy 'time to make the doughnuts' who has to keep getting up and doing it over and over. God is definitely dealing with me about some stuff. I just haven't had time to sit down and study it.
Ever notice time can be an enemy?
Thursday, November 15, 2007
I would like to tell you that I'm above it all but that would be a bold face lie!! Another package arrived today - this time addressed to me - and with more letters. I'm almost wondering if she did it on purpose. Here kitty, kitty - come and swallow the bait. And like an idiot I did.
I was up late last night going through letters just scanning for my name to see what I would find. I got up early and had to stop and head to bible study. I was so mad I knew I better get around some other people in case lightening was zapping through the air I would be safe. Afterwards I was doing better - I didn't even rush home to finish. But somehow I found myself up to my knees in a couple years worth of letters to see what my kin had to say about me.
I am adopted because I don't know these people!!
I said I was close to my Dad - I'm now not so sure. Yes, ma'am it was that bad!! How do you recover when you read, "We should have remained childless as it would have been less stressful". Zowee!! I know! Y'all could say it was my own dang fault for looking. Riddle me this would you have looked? And I must say this did answer some life long questions I've always had rolling around in my head.
To answer my son's question of "what is the definition of manipulation"? Manipulate 1. to handle skillfully 2 to manage artfully or shrewdly, often in an unfair way 3 to falsify for one's own purposes. If I had any ambition I would look up the definition of two-face but I think we all get the picture.
A lady at church is letting me borrow Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I'm only half way through chapter two and ohmyword - it's been describing my life!! And not just in one incident but multiple. Spooky! Unfortunately I haven't gotten to the part that says how I'm suppose to defend the boundaries. Oh, I'm seeing my Dad tomorrow.
Now battling in this corner: weighing in as one ticked off chick fixin' to throw down on the old man! Verses the old geezer that will someday curse the day I was born - too late. Oh, I'm kidding. I haven't been disowned yet as they are waiting to see what I do as that will show my heart. Say what?
I think it would have been better to have been raised by wolves. "Good Christian Girls" are never allowed to show anger as that's not how we're suppose to act.
Bite me. Forgive me Lord for I have sinned.
My grandparents bought Dad a car, but for whatever reason put it in my name. So I need to pick up my Dad, go get insurance on it, get plates and transfer title to his name. Not bad for being the "disappointment" of the family. May I point out that I'm the only one NOT in prison so what's up with that?? The sad thing? My folks aren't hillbillies that buried their money in a backyard. They are extremely smart. So smart -they're stupid as I'm out here and they are not.
So here I am trying not to listen to the voices that have told me my whole life what I'm not, when the phone rings and the in-laws are on their way for the weekend a WHOLE DAY EARLIER! Could this weekend get any happier?? What's that? I'm suppose to bring something for a bake sale Sunday? With the in-laws in tow?? Just shoot me now as it would be kinder.
The truly messed up part is that once upon a time my in-laws did not approve of anything I did to which I replied take a number and get in line. But for whatever reason they sort of snapped out of it - that and I think I scare them. Who knows but the pressure from that side stopped only to be picked up from my side. Happy, happy Joy, joy. My husband looked at our boys and said marry an orphan. Hilarious that one is.
I truly hope this makes ya think that suddenly what you are up against isn't so bad after all. I never said the therapy sessions would be pleasant but that's all the time we have for As The Door Slams Shut - on his foot.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
I opened my mailbox today to see that it was crammed with a rather large envelope. After thanking Mr. Evil Mailman and wishing him a
rotten pleasant day I finally got it out only to discover that this large envelope looked like it was the main course for a dog.
Apparently the crotchety old geezer is spiteful because it looks like he was trying to cover it up by cramming it in the mailbox. I must attract spitefulness or something.
I looked at the return address *sigh* from my Mom. Too bad I didn't notice that it was address to my Dad in care of me. I pulled back what was left of the side of the envelope and pulled the stuff out.
Have you ever had those moments that it takes awhile for your brain to put two and two together and once you've reached the answer you're in too deep to turn around? No?? That's just me??? Dang!
Turns out my Mom mailed me her letters from my Dad as she will be leaving Club Fed. all too soon. Well, I didn't figure it out right away that these were her letters until I stumbled upon my name and what all my
sperm-donor Dad had to say about me. It was sad as I saw a whole nother side to myself - I was reading someone else's stuff about me and I couldn't put it down.
So now I have an awareness of something I'm not suppose to be aware of. I'm very close to my Dad. It has been horrible not having him around. My Mom on the other hand, I'm use to her not being there for me so it hasn't been as devastating. Dad has been at the half way house (all of this over taxes) and it's been good to see him more, but things have still been a bit bumpy.
Then after reading his letters I've come to the conclusion that he is only telling me what I want to hear. I also found out that they've been disappoint with me that I'm not
taking it up the tailpipe going along with them, and how they blame me that their grand kids haven't written to them.
The boys are so angry with this whole situation and especially my Mom that they don't want to write or talk to her. Neither one of my parents seem to see how their actions have hurt them and the rest of the family. Since my Dad is telling people what they want to hear all the blame has shifted towards my Mom.
The boys have written to my Mom and she blows off what they write. After one of her rants and raves she got everyone all worked up again and the older two typed up a letter. She's so close to getting out I haven't let them send it, but now I'm rethinking it. She wants a letter - okay. Insert evil cackle.
I get to run my Dad on some errands Friday one of them is to help him find an apartment. Won't this be a pleasant time? Actually I'm giddy as I'm willing to jump through hoops so my Mom doesn't come here to roost/roast whatever.
Allison if you're still out there I haven't had a chance to put things into words yet as all of this seems to be connected but I'm still at a loss for words. Hopefully that will happen some time soon.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Okie dokie, the paranoid feelings of 'I'm a bad parent' are in full force. The funny thing is I wasn't the cause of the irritation OR the anger with the boys.
This is where I would love some advice (hint hint Kellan) on what to do about almost teenagers.
We were at church yesterday and I was cornered not once, not twice, but three times to see if Thing1 and Thing2 would be in the Christmas play. Whoever said that 'children don't really know what they want' is wrong, wrong, wrong.
They said very politely the first seven times that they really don't want to be in the Christmas play. I think they are still traumatized when they were forced to wear tights as part of the guard costumes years ago. They were promised that there would be no tights involved in the costumes. People went on and on about what great guards they have been and how they've always done well in past plays etc.
To which Thing2 said he's tired of being treated like a hood ornament just because he's a twin. He said he's not part of the scenery he's an individual. I almost gave him a high-five. No one responded which only reinforced the angst. Fast forward a few minutes later when another lady approached them. This time Thing1 said same thing but with more, um, feelings.
Everyone said that they don't want to force them and then looked at me with the look 'that's your job'. When asked what it would take to get them to be in the play they both got steamed. Thing2 looked at Thing1 and asked what was the defenition of manipulation right in front of all. Oh yes he did!
My mouth hit the floor as did everyone elses. These guys are normally very polite and considerate and are very helpful and usually willing to help so to see them say forcefully no way was a shock to all. I said we would discuss it later to get them to chill and others to leave them alone.
The 'I'm a bad parent' feelings are making me wonder if all the drama with my folks are getting to them. Both my husband and I are getting stressed again and I get worried that it's spilling over to them. So I questioned them at length later which only got me more snarky attitude from them. They said they aren't sad or having feelings of wanting to pull away they just don't want to be in the s-t-u-p-i-d play.
Alrighty then. Is this a almost teenager thing?
They didn't want to go to the Harvest Carnival at church either as they said it was for little kids. The boys are short for their age. Everyone thinks they are only 9 or 10 much to their dismay, but everyone on my husband's side grew late so we're not worried about it. What shocked me was how snippy they got. They are always asking how they can help. They've been helping in the nursery, they've helped moms load up their cars with kids and stuff at bible study, etc. They said they would help do stuff, help with setting the stage but they don't want to be IN the play.
They were told that 'they're too little' and that the teenagers were going to do that. There is zero for middle schoolers at our church. Boys asked if they could go to youth group which I about choked. I'M not ready for them to go and I don't think they are ready for it. On top of that the high schoolers has let it be known that they don't want younger kids with them. The boys will still hang out and play with little kids but they also want some type of recognition that they are almost teenagers. Ugh!!
Any thoughts on this??
Friday, November 9, 2007
That is what went running through my head when I tried to promise God something, anything for Him to keep my kids mouths shut while on the phone with my Mom. Quote is from Beauty and the Beast.
Mom called and she wanted to wish the boys a happy late birthday. They pulled the you go first, no you go first routine. Down side, my Mom heard it. I forced Thing2 on the phone simply because he was closer and within arms reach.
I immediately started to fast and pray.
He was polite but didn't have much to say. Okay, I can handle that. Then Thing1 got on the phone.
Now I was starting to promise God things - uh, I'll be a nun. Nope, not catholic and I'm already married. I'll start getting up earlier - nah, I don't even buy that one. I'll pray more, I'll stop making snarky remarks about my in-laws, Lord. Anything just don't.let.them.repeat.what.I've. been.saying.about.her!!!
I was still begging when Thing1, who was also polite handed the phone off to Curious J. I was still deep breathing from the close collision that almost happened when suddenly it did. Inside that cute bundle of energy lies a wit sharper than a knife and sneakier than thief. The older two will tell you like it is and be done with it. CJ will wait until you least expect it and then zing you.
Oh, Lord Jesus you gave me Mini-me. Now that's just mean.
I used to pride myself on lulling people into a safe stupor before I V8 slapped them in the head. This was all verbally as I wasn't about to get my butt beat for hitting. I didn't even catch what all he said but he said it all fast and handed me the phone. Momsaidyourbeing a demandingpain inthebuttandwhyareyoulikethat, wellheresMombye.
I stared at the phone with mouth hanging agape almost afraid to put it to my ear with her own frequency thing and all. As I pulled the phone to my ear I rescinded all previous promises. Now God and I both knew I wasn't going to keep them but still it was the thought that counted. Who knew God could be spiteful?
I was telling my husband all of this later and while in mid-story he spilled stuff on the floor. Since I was in such a joyous mood I pointed out how I just swept today and maybe he could use a broom. 'You know the thing you walk past all the time' was my reply which he shot right back at me without waiting a beat - 'I know what one looks like, your Mother rides one all the time'.
I couldn't stop laughing!! I gave him a high-five and we both cleaned up the mess together still chuckling. I guess the apples don't fall far from the Tree.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
It's true - Thing1 and Thing2 turned 12 today!! I was not prepared for this let me tell you. Have you ever had times where you looked up from the business of life and wonder when did this happen?? I was too busy with stuff to post this earlier so now that the day is done I've had some time to reflect.
Where are the Kleenexes??
I've noticed changes in them that weren't there a few month ago. Noticing they have the same amount of peach fuzz on their upper lip that I do. Oh, the bonding. Actually, the youngest one pointed it out. And yet we still let him live amazingly enough.
I will say that now that they 'know' it has sort of put the brakes on my um, relations with my hubby. I had a friend of mine with older kids complain about this a few years ago and I had no idea what she was talking about, but now.I.do. *Sigh*
I was flipping through their scrapbooks that I'm waay behind on and strolled down memory lane. Every nightmare you've ever heard about multiples is absolutely true. If one kid got his hand smacked for shoving raisins in the VCR then the other one would do it too to see if he would get his hand smack as well. That one drove me up the wall! They would run in opposite directions knowing only one of them could get caught. And the list goes on.
The latest is that Thing1 doesn't even want to read the same books as Thing2. Say what?? After
begging reasoning with him that he needs to read more and after much demanding inquiring I found out that he won't even touch a book that his brother has for a couple of reasons. 1) His brother is a faster reader - has been know to read two Boxcar Children books in one day - after schoolwork. Dude is a machine. 2) Thing2 gives everything away thus taking away the mystery of it all. Then he said he likes fictional history rather than 'currant stuff'. I think I snorted at that one as Boxcar is anything but currant. Where that one came from is beyond me but luckily for him I have a stack of books - untouched by brother no less.
I can tell he's tempted but hasn't quite given in, especially now that he has more
dreaded instruments of pain beloved Bionicles. The boys had a blast. I made them do a treasure hunt to find their gifts. Great idea and then I had to do it. And because I'm all about fair it was Curious J's half birthday so he got a few things too. How weird is that - when one has a birthday then it's the other's half birthday. Try and figure that one out. Same date different months and years.
So I was up late last night typing out clues, wrapping gifts, hiding gifts and securing clues to pirate characters all while keeping which one straight. I pulled it off and they had fun. I didn't foresee them trashing the house looking for clues. Brilliant plan minus seeing the entire picture equals more work for me. It didn't help that their Dad was dirty when he hid the clues.
Thing2 was all about the Bionicles and we had to drag him away to eat dinner. They about came to blows when asked what they wanted for a birthday dinner. Thing1 wanted lasagna while Thing2 wanted meatloaf. Since I'm all about fair - I made both.
I.am.an.idiot. I'm a great loving mother.
There we sit with a slab of lasagna and a slab of meatloaf on the plate. It was all good but weird. My brain kept getting confused. The smell in the air was nice but confusing aroma of two different things. Then the tongue would send messages to the brain and the brain would say something like what?? Since their Grammy is bringing a treasure chest cake but won't be up for a few weeks they picked out a chocolate mint cake - very good but rich. Thank goodness for the ice cream or I wouldn't have eaten it. All in all - I won't ever do that again!
Sitting here just thinking about the last decade and it amazes me at how much I wanted change when they were little and then once I got it I wouldn't mind going back for awhile. In my mind I see them a lot younger than what they are and my heart clings to those images as well.
I hope I learn the balance of looking back fondly and not regretfully, to squeeze everything out of the right now, and to look forward to the future and the good times instead of worrying about the what ifs and dreading the inevitable all while missing the present.
I love my guys! The same yet different. Patient with those that can't tell them apart, very tender hearted and helpful to any who ask. They're brave, smart, funny, thoughtful, and ornery. I just hope we don't screw them up!
Monday, November 5, 2007
Do you hear that? I think that is the theme song for Jaws playing in the background. We are now down to one month until the folks are free. I would like to tell you I'm excited at seeing my parents, but that would be a lie. At least my Mom is saying she is willing to 'play along' - for now. That's a relief - for now.
Actually, I'm having a we'll see attitude. Everyone keeps saying we're going to have an interesting conversation when we all get together. More like the trailer park is fixin for a throw down. I think my husband is reverting back to childhood from all his WWF watching. I think he has a chair hiding. Can't you just see him giving my Mom the chair?? Jimmy Fly Shnooka would be proud. Hulk Hogan would say it was lacking the full intensity of a good whacking.
I have no idea what any of that means but hey! It sounds funny!!
On another note: my pjs did not, repeat, did not get vandalized so that was good. We were successful at defeating all pranks. Still rolling a lot of stuff through my head that once I can get it straight I will have to share. Got to pray for some ladies and took off my plastic mask and said the flat out honest truth on some things.
I feel giddy with honesty. The truth - she sets ya free.
It was the first time I had ever seen Beth Moore. I've read several of her books but never heard her talk - what a hoot! But she talks too fast to take notes. It was DVDs of Loving Well. Like I said, got a lot rolling around that once I can get it into words I'll get it down so I don't forget it.
Now the next step is fighting off the holiday blues. I love fall! The leaves are falling fast and we are past peek. The boys' birthday is tomorrow and then there is Thanksgiving, which is my favorite holiday. The best holiday in my opinion as we celebrate food, people!! Then the Christmas season hits. To be honest, from the end of October to mid January I'm a ball of nerves as I look at the checkbook and wonder how are we going to survive.
Lately, the whole God will provide thing has set me on edge - where is it? Does God cover late fees? Do I look for the money tree in the back yard or booby trap a leprechaun and beat the tar out of him until he hands over the gold? This hasn't been helping the whole trust God issues. Part of me keeps saying this is a test, this is only a test so quit your griping on you won't pass the test.
Throw in all the here we go with the folks coming back on the scene and the money stuff add some holiday madness and you have me looking for tequila and chocolate hiding under a blanket singing something that makes no sense whatsoever. At least I'll have a good time until I need to pay homage to the white throne and remember why I don't drink. Lightweight that is.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Yes, I'm a goin'! Although, I've heard that pranks will be pulled so I'm already in my pjs - sweat shirt and pants! Can't sew my pjs shut if I'm already in them - so there! I've been to 'retreats' before and they usually ended up just being eh, religious cat fights. I ain't skeert! Well maybe.
I would like to say I'm kidding. I'm hoping that this will go well and to have a chance to get some things straight in my head.
I'm still trying to put things into words. A friend of mine was telling me about the art of setting healthy boundaries. One of the things that jumped off the page at me was How do I know when my boundaries have been violated? When I don't feel I have a choice and when I feel resentment and unappreciated for my efforts. One reason why people don't set healthy boundary lines is fear.
Oh my word, I think I just described my entire life!! And with multiple situations and people.
I was at bible study yesterday and during praise and worship I had this picture of this garden that at one point was beautiful and was suppose to be surrounded by a stone wall. Ever see a picture of English gardens that have the brick or stone walls around it? Well this one the walls were all knocked over - so totally destroyed that not one stone was near another stone. There was a patch of fruit in one area and some in another area. All the other fruit was trampled on and a lot of the stalks were smashed into the mud. Mud was everywhere.
That's my garden and others have disregarded it - walked all over it, used it and ruined it. No wonder I feel angry a lot. I had just read a book about selfishness is demanding something from someone else without considering what that person's feeling and situation is and what it would cost them. And after reading about boundary lines I feel like I have a light bulb moment.
This time last year, I see how I was defending a boundary line with someone and that person manipulated me off of it. Said I was violating the love commandment and that I was outside of God's will. Sent me into a depression as I felt no matter what I did it's not good enough. Boy what a liar!!
Now the trick is to figure out how to rebuild my walls and defend them without blowing people out of the water. My husband said to use the Word as the stone wall - anything that contradicts the Word bat it out of the park. So how do I do that and yet honor my mother or walk in love? Interesting. For the first time I see what is going on and what the problem is.
This of course makes me feel really, really vulnerable. Lately our church has been challenging the women to take their masks off and be real. Not an easy thing to do! I've been open, honest and real and was met with judgement. So we shall see what comes out of this weekend. Will I move forward or retreat even further?
I'll spoil it and say move forward. I've also heard from several other women that they've been in a funk too. We shall go forth and conquer the funkiness!
Why does that sound like a soap commercial?