Saturday, December 29, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
It was the case of the dueling banjos that would pick different songs that drove me over the edge. And both of them insist on hovering around me while they yell/sing songs. I'm not sure you can really sing Skillet or Pillar but that's just me. I'm still trying to figure out how they can scream on key - that is talent! How do you practice scream scales? AHHH AHHH AHHH - sounds the same.
For the record, I knew my husband would love to have an MP3 but el cheapo kept saying no. There was even a store not far from us that had really nice ones on sale for $20 right before Christmas! He still said no. After playing around with the boys just take a guess who really wanted one - besides me and the youngest doesn't count. Uh-huh.
I've been trying to track some down but every store I've been to looks like a pack of dogs on a three legged cat - not much left but a small patch of fur and maybe a chunk of a claw. Nice visual, huh?
The hunt was now on.
We finally tracked them down - one for him and one for me - AND a Nerf dart gun for youngest as he felt totally cheated. This actually appeased him. It was waaaay cheaper and had the chance of happening while there was no way he was getting an MP3 player. I think he knew this and hedged his bet accordingly.
We were up late last night trying to figure the dumb things out as ours is more complicated. Picture this - Thing1 and Thing2 battling it out on singing, youngest kid hosing everything down with dart guns, hubby jamming away and also clueless to mayhem around him, so out of desperation, or revenge, I pop the earphones in TO DROWN OUT THE NOISE!!!
I think I found my happy place cuz I didn't hear a thing. Except now my ears hurt from the earphones. They must be out of shape. Goes along nicely with the rest of me. Belly, butt, hips, thighs, and ear hole. Wait! I have nice firm ear holes and I'm now trying to stretch them out. Nah, I don't buy it either but it was worth a shot.
I'm already accusing my husband of not talking to me so why did I give him something that gives him an excuse to get out of talking?? I will now have to look for the wires dangling from his ears to make sure he's really listening. How sad is this - we have a line for the computer as there is only so much it can handle at one time. We're all lined up on who wants what off of a CD so we can delete it and move on.
Good times. Great family bonding.
Why did I think this was a good idea?? Anyone? Oh, yeah - so they would be entertained and stop bugging me!! I mean expand their music appreciation and would develop a deep love of music or at least all things that rock - Amen.
The kicker of the whole thing was we did all of this after the church play practice last night. The Christmas play was canceled due to bad weather so it's rescheduled for this Sunday. Oh happy joy, joy (for those of you who couldn't tell insert sarcasm). I really did not want to go and only youngest is in the play but I'm going to be in nursery so this was my only chance of seeing it. Plus there was the lure of the hunt afterwards so off we went.
After I sat through
hell play practice, we left only to discover the brakes went out in the van. They felt squishy earlier that day so when the light came on the brake pedal went all the way to the floor with not much there. I thought the light was suppose to give you a heads up not state the obvious. Good thing it doesn't have a voice or it would be some stupid surfer guy saying 'Dude, you are so screwed at the next stop light!'
Did this stop us on the hunt? Nope. I just coasted to a stop and parked in the boonies so not to hit other cars. We went to four stores. Pathetic has sunk to a whole new level.
The freaky thing is the same thing happened to the truck just TWO WEEKS AGO!! Now the van? They said the brake lines were broke on the truck. Did they mean cut?? I'm now paranoid that someone is messing with our brake lines. Hey -you're after Cruella NOT ME!!! And she don't live here so WTF? (I like to think I'm saying what the fudge, fickle, fart - pick your favorite F word)
I have a wedding I'm suppose to go to tonight but no one will touch the van until next year - seriously. Hubby wasn't going to go anyway and was going to have boys with him so that means I'm without a ride. There is no way I'm going to call my folks and ask for a ride as I haven't even mentioned the smack fest of Christmas Eve. At this point I'm not sure if I'm going to speak to them again - at least nothing that I'm going to initiate. Oh yeah, it was that good! I got final smack in so I have to let it stand.
So I'm hanging out in my pj's refusing to get dressed. I'm going to see how long I can last in these new pj's but since these guys have no sense of smell this could be a really long time or at least until Sunday. Except it's now snowing - hard. Maybe next Sunday.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Ambitious I am not. But I have a sense of humor and in the real world a sense of humor just doesn't get you very far. Oh, sure there are the top comedians but I just don't see me reaching for those stars. Again, that whole lacking ambition really puts a crimp on self motivation.
This leaves me as a stay at home mom. Here is proof that God has a sense of humor - granted a slightly sick sense of humor but it's there - as He told "us" to home school. I use the term "us" as in me. It's like potty training - I did all the work and he took all the credit.
I have worked hard with my three boys, we've studied, we've talked, we've gone on field trips, projects galore. Yet I can't seem to get anyone of them to aim worth a darn when it comes to the toilet. I would like to say for all those who are potty training that it will get better, yes and no. They will go by themselves but you will still be cleaning up after them.
Curse you aquascum.
Of course being married sort of prepared me for life with boys. Actually my husband is too anal to miss as I bet he times the whole thing for maximum efficiency. So I'm not sure what's the deal and they can't seem to figure out why I make such a deal.
Thing1 and Thing2 got MP3 players for Christmas and have only thanked me 321 times since yesterday. They really like it, I guess. The trouble is they won't stop listening to it and are singing at the top of their lungs or they end up shouting their thanks but then shout "What??" I hear this is normal.
I've told them that when they see my mouth move to just assume I'm talking to them and put the thing on pause. Sigh. I gave up clown college for this?
But to actually tie the whole thing together - both of them used the bathroom while still listening to music. Lesson for the day - Rockin music that begs to be jammed to + using the bathroom = missing by quite a bit. Not bothering to tell your mother = death wish. Lesson learned. Except the youngest one has no MP3 and therefore really has no excuse.
Class dismissed as I'm looking for courses on clown college. Oh I kid cuz I have no ambition and God won't let me off the hook. All together now - dag.nab.bit.
Monday, December 24, 2007
I guess it's a good thing for the family I'm serving ham or otherwise this would be a family trip we wouldn't have to pack for - wheeeee!!!!
I threatened to keep the Prozac for myself but my husband cried unfair the whiner, but then he came up with a brilliant plan of slipping some in my Mom's coffee. This would be awesome except she took my coffee pot. Dagnabbit. Foiled again!! Of course there is the small detail that I have no Prozac but hey I's a dreamer not a planner.
Hope y'all have a Merry Christmas and find time to laugh!!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
For whatever reason my family likes to quote random movie lines. Sometimes it is just so fitting I couldn't imagine uttering anything else. For example:
I was out power shopping last night. While I didn't hit Toys R Us I did walk on the wild side and hit Wal-Mart. Now I will give kudos to where it is deserved - not one person who works at Wal-Mart was rude or mean to me in any way shape or form. It was just the other shoppers that gives the place a bad reputation.
I'm not sure what amazes me the most - the kids that scream like they are being savagely eaten by some stray dog or the parents that walk on and don't even bat an eyelash. We overheard a kid tell his mom he hates her because she never buys him anything. My husband almost volunteered to hit the kid for her, but I was thinking smack the parent first, then get junior.
I understand that people have standards and don't want to shop there to avoid issues like this. If you can afford other places - good for you but I dare you to tell me one place you can shop where there isn't a screamer. Didn't think so.
I have a budget that would cause Mickey MOUSE to off himself. He's a mouse, people. You would think his standards are low but look at the price tag on the little cheese sniffer and it's a whole nother ball of um, well cheese.
Thankfully my boys are past all that - the happy meal toys are all gone to. ThankyaJesus! The down side? After I had to shovel, yes you read that right, shovel the discarded Lego pieces out from under a dresser AND a bed I have forbidden to purchase one more package. Besides I bet it's all made from China anyway. My feet thanked me but pointed out I missed a few - hundred.
"Curse you AquaScum", I muttered as I kicked the pieces out of the way.
This leaves Bionicles. Don't get me started on those ugly looking things that just happened to be a Lego product and much, much sharper I might add. But they do keep the boys busy for hours. So as much I was would like to shake my fist in full angst - I can't. Since my children own them all - don't judge me they are affordable - I didn't buy any. Insert Snoopy happy dance.
Action figures are so a thing of the past, this leaves video games. It started off with Leapster and other educational stuff but when I realized I could actually have more than a half hour of not being interrupted to look at their new Bionicle creature and actually read a book! Let the gaming begin.
I am very picky on what I let the boys play and what movies they can watch. This has cause much arguing over the years as their heathen cousins can watch, do, say, and act any way that they want while I make my kids toe the line. I usually get 'the look' and now that puberty is in full force times 2 it just ain't purty but I'm not backing down.
Oh yeah, I was suppose to make a point. My point is that while I didn't receive bad service at wally world what ticked me off was that they yanked all the Game Boy and Game Cube stuff that was just there a few days ago and had all the new and pricey upgrades. I understand us last minute shoppers can be a bit desperate and slightly crazed but I just saw the stupid things there last week!! I couldn't buy them cuz my posse was in tow and I'm just not that nice to give them spoilers on Christmas.
I'm cruel like that. What can I say? I gots some Cruella in da veins.
Now I'm suppose to believe the suckers were all bought within one weeks time when they've been sitting there for 4 months?? Don't think so.
So for that they get the "Curse you AquaScum" of angst. But the cruel irony is I have to go there again tonight to grocery shop - that just bites! Cuz you know there is some big wig counting on that saying 'how ya like me now?' I can't help it - they've lured me in with their low low prices, and all the shiny lights makes me loose focus.
The thing that gets me is I know when I go grocery shopping again in two weeks the stupid things will be back in their case whispering promises of pleasure to my children. There is a verse that says a fool and his money will be soon departed - but they'll be quiet so isn't that worth it's weight in gold?? "Curse you AquaScum" is just too fitting on some things and this was one of them.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Ever have one of those moments where you look at your mom and think are you sure she's my mother?? And darn it all to heck if the woman doesn't know how to play the guilt-a-thon. Now I just know I can't be the only person out there that hasn't been guilted into doing things. But my Mom did over look this teeny, tiny, smidge of a detail.
I stopped caring what she thought or had to say.
On the drive to
dump drop her off to her apartment to pick up what's left of her life to start anew, I made one comment that will be forever known as 'The spark on the already dry tinder'.
FYI - prisons make a ton of money by ripping people off on the collect calls. I know some people feel that hey they're in prison so what and a prison has to make some extra money. But this places a huge amount of burden on the families that are usually just as much as a victim as the victims. There is the constant how did this happen and where did it all go wrong? that floats through your head all the time. Then you open your phone bill and think it's a shame that the real criminals aren't where they belong.
So when I mentioned to my Mom that she better not forward their number on to my brother who is notorious for giving them high phone bills - my frugalness was not embraced nor appreciated. Matter of fact, she said the reason they had high bills was because of me and my crew that was living on their property. She even went on to say it's about time we payed them back as we owe them. Say what??
That storm that was caused by high winds? I think that was either me taking in a breath or letting it out - not sure which one. I pointed out how we paid rent, we even paid their mortgage for a year stupidly thinking they were going to come back before we packed up and moved on. Not to mention how my husband always had the horrible driveway cleared off in the winter AND always did tons of her projects.
She shifted gears and then went off on the things we left behind. You would not believe how much crap I have taken for the past week over a stupid ironing board. My Dad even said that it's a shame that he has to re-buy things that he had already owned.
Big brass ones! Huge! My family must have in them abundance cuz I could never imagine telling someone who helped me - ya missed a spot! How about if ya never got your arse thrown in jail and then onto prison you would still have all your crap? I just don't see them owning up to their mistakes.
I did hold my own, I really did but it seemed to fall onto deaf ears. Soo I made sure some comments had a bit more hi-yah! to it. My Dad called me a few days later stating that Thing2 was very disrespectful and he thought there should be an apologize - simply based on what my Mom had to say as he wasn't there. Classic Mom, boo hoo when no one is there to verify the story.
I said I was willing to accept his apology at any time - he didn't think that was funny. I said Thing2 was not disrespectful and stated his feelings very well to which my Mom, his Grandmother, told him that "other's have gone through worse so suck it up and get over it". The boys were in tears yet held their own - I was a proud momma who then turned to momma bear and roared! I told my Dad that respect is earned and so far they have earned our contempt. Snap, snap, snap!
Oh yeah, they were coming to dinner that night. Makes for a festive time to have anger simmering in the background. Yet true to form no one wanted to talk about the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room. Personally, I don't think that the gorilla is very nice and it smells kinda funny too.
Mom behaved while my Dad pulled all my men folk aside and said he was sorry for all they went through. All of them said latter it didn't sound true more like I'll say I'm sorry so you'll keep helping me but I don't mean it. He did all of this behind my Mom's back brave man that he is. Can you say ch-ch-chicken?
What's truly weird is that they are acting like teenagers that have moved out. They showed up with dirty clothes for me to wash and took all my left overs but left behind clothes that should have been thrown away and some that should have been donated. Why bring it back to me??
We were suppose to have a big family get together in Indiana today but it got canceled from bad weather. How sad that we all did the happy dance simply because we didn't want to get into it with my folks there. Nothing like airing your dirty laundry with family. It didn't help that my folks had the beloved niece and nephew that none of us wanted to see. So we did an extra Snoopy dance for this fact. Wonderful attitudes was had by all. I can at least pretend can't I?
This leaves us with my folks coming over Christmas Eve. My boys all gave me a look that said ba-humbug! I think they are now praying for a blizzard.
They had all typed out a letter that pretty much states what all they are thinking and feeling on all of this and they have been chomping at the bit to
shove it down their throats give it to them. We have been waiting to use those letters but I've been following my husband's lead to which I feel is going too slow and so do my boys. My Mom is very good at emotional guerrilla warfare - comes in and ambushes with lethal attacks then runs away while you're thinking where did this come from? I think my folks might make it through the door before they are pounced on.
I told my hubby if he wants the first shot he better take it upon their arrival or all bets are off. Way to submit, Joanna.
I will say through all of this the thing that hit me the most was just how ungrateful my parents have been. The thought that hit me was how many times have I done this to God? That dropped on me like a ton of bricks. Things didn't go just as I planned and I'm snippy about it rather than being grateful to God for what He has done.
I had to have some alone time with God to do some serious apologizing. It's now trying to get my kids to give grace to someone who truly doesn't deserve it all while defending their boundaries. Having boys I want them to be strong, to stand up for what's right and not to back down from a fight. I just pray that they learn to have wisdom that can only come from God because if left to our own we would screw it up!! My Mother-in-law prayed with the boys and told them that we shouldn't cut my folks out of our lives just because they made a mistake. Thing1 asked what if it's several mistakes?
It has been really weird because I believe that Jesus is the reason for the season and He is about reconciliation - the whole Peace on Earth, Good will towards man? God reconciled with us when we didn't deserve it. And our goal is to be more Christ-like. Big exhale of hot air - dang it.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
I'm sure you're hanging on the edge of your seat about now - not really but it sounded funny. There I was in the midst of one of those situations: angry Mother on one side and angry husband and kids on the other with the Dad gooooooone!
Suddenly my childhood is making some sense only instead of husband and kids picture aunts and cousins but still the same angst.
I knew my Mom suffered from a martyr complex I just didn't know to what levels they could plummet. The ocean has nothing on this woman!
Since my family wasn't going to fall for the bs that was being shoveled I should have seen this coming. All the way to the apartment I got to hear how everyone has done something wrong to my Mom. I swear there is a country western song that goes with this, but I can't think of it because I had the whole Cruella song going through my head thanks to years of torture of children's movies.
Everything unloaded, I grabbed some Arby's for all and we snarfed on the food like no body's business. The guys got the bed all put together and then decided it was time to leave. Let the record show that all of my guys have some very quick thinking skillz that I did not get! All of them squared off on who was riding with whom and I was left holding the bag, er, Mom. After they left we still stayed and tried to get the kitchen put together.
Enter tactic number 2! No one was around. Just me and her or her and I. I was too tired to notice the slight shiver that ran up and down my spine and with all my cold issues I blew it off. Stooopid. Mom proceeded to tell me that my boys are opinionated and unteachable. I said there is a difference between teachable and manipulate-able. She said I need to tell them not to be so opinionated. I chuckled and said "Mr. Pot please leave Mr. Kettle alone." credit to Vince Flynn
Then she said that the boys crashed into the wall and knocked a chip out of it, tracked mud into the apartment, and made too much noise. I replied I'm sure her standards are high since she's been in a prison and next time I won't offer to help move any of their crap. Due to space issues just imagine a lot of hissing, intense meowing, a swipe of claws and you get the gist of it.
I did get the whole honor thy parents so your days will be long to which I replied why would I want to hang out longer to put up with this? I think I might have to repent for that last one, but it was funny at the time or at least I thought it was.
So Saturday when I woke there was piles of my Dad's dirty clothes in the hallway as in hint! My children were hiding in their room refusing to going into the kitchen which was odd since they know there is food there and I had no idea where the hubby was at. I get near the kitchen and Mom is guarding the coffee pot. I don't mean to offend but I'm not a coffee drinker - I would love to sit and just smell it though I just can't taste it unless it's loaded with enough calories to drop Oprah. Just saying I have standards.
Luckily for me I was off on a shopping trip with some peeps, and Mom couldn't come. Gasp! Say it ain't so? So, so, so, sosososososo!!!! Sorry, I got carried away.
I came back and remembered we had another bake sale at church, so while Mom was ranting, I was baking and doing their laundry I might add. Husband out of desperation just started holding up stuff if it was going or staying, and my kids never did come out of their rooms - except for lunch because nothing can stop them from that!
Stuffed baked, vehicles packed, we loaded up and went to apartment but again I was left holding the, well you get it. And that's when it got ugly.
This is going to be in parts so hang in there with me - or not. If nothing else this could give you another excuse why you shouldn't go clean something. They say truth is stranger than fiction so this whole thing is off the charts. I should have an award for this. May it make your difficult person easier to bare knowing they aren't as crazy as this!
Thursday started off with me not getting much sleep. I spent most of the night tossing and turning knowing it was going to be a full weekend. KPEP admitted to screwing up my Dad's Thanksgiving and let him stay here for two nights but then called in the middle of the night to see if he was still here. Oh joy.
My Dad, being the king of avoidance, insisted on renting the uhaul truck on the day Mom came home. He went off to work while my husband loaded up the truck and I went to get Cruella. I was getting nervous as I was running a tad late. Couldn't quite figure out where I was and at the last moment I found a parking space. I rushed all around looking desperately for an angry looking old lady (because I made her wait) only to come up empty. I stood in line and asked if the bus had already arrived only to be informed it was running late.
Oh, good - I think. Dad's bus was 45 minutes late so how late was late?
It was only 15 minutes late. I had 15 minutes to wonder where did it happen. What was the exact moment that turned June Cleaver into Cruella De Vil? I had a few theories but still came up blank. The reality is that each of us is responsible for our actions regardless of what else happens to us by other people/situations. Realizing I was completely wasting my time I shifted gears on the smack fest and started to wonder when the first punch was going to fall.
It was going to happen it was just a matter of time.
She was quite happy to see me and didn't say a word that I was the only one there to pick her up. I grabbed her bag and hustled her back home but first we went through the drive through for lunch. And don't forget the tea! It truly is nectar of the gods. Dad called before we were out of the drive through all in a panic. He can sense that time is running out and there is nothing that he can do to stop it. Insert evil cackle.
They gabbed for a while, we got back and hugs were all around. I slipped Dad Mom's wedding ring and he made a show of saying he's committed to her. If he only knew how the rest of the weekend turned out he might just have had her committed. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The funniest thing was her reaction to having her perfume back. They had to go do a face to face with parole officer so she needed to get cleaned up and out the door. Mom is a perfume freak. I brought down her make-up and the beloved and she hopped up and down over the perfume. To be honest it was cute to see the genuine happiness. Too bad that didn't last.
After my husband got everything loaded and we sat around waiting for them and I started to panic. I was thinking that she did something that got them tossed back into jail and I was trying hard not to hyperventilate. I didn't pass out or develop an ulcer but I did discover that I have reached my limit on what I could take. And that would be it!
We got everyone fed, moving truck unloaded and returned and came back and crashed. Next day Dad went off to work leaving us with Mom who didn't want to go through things to take but just wanted to tell us how she is right and how we aren't.
Let me just say that I am so proud of how the boys handle things. Thing2 was the one that started to ball rolling on smack fest. He came right out and said the bible is clear that we aren't to judge people BUT the fruit of their actions and behavior - clearly this fruit is rotten.
I had to wipe my eye as a tear of pride wanted to well up and slide down my cheek. Thing1 said that the bible is also very clear about how we are to obey the law of the land. There went the other eye. My Mom then told them that just because she's gone through some bad stuff doesn't mean she's not right and that others have gone through worse stuff than they have so they need to suck it up and get over it.
The frequency I hit should have made my momma proud but since it was directed at her she failed to appreciate the full lung capacity I was sporting. The boys' mouths hung open yet with a smirk on the edges knowing they weren't the ones in trouble. She backed off and tried a different road only to be met by my husband with a slap or two of his own. The funny thing through all of this is that I wasn't seething with anger as I had been in the past. Since reading that book I could see what was going on and I was having none of it.
This went on a few more rounds. Since she saw that tactic wasn't going to work she retreated for the moment only to try something different later that night and the next day.
Stay tuned for part duo.