Friday, February 29, 2008

The Woman Is Relentless


That Marie has done it again. She thinks she can sucker me with the shiny bloggy-bling to slip in another high-five. Fortunately for her I is a sucka.

1) You must post the rules on your post before you answer the questions.
2) You need to list one fact about yourself using each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name use your maiden name instead.
3) When you are finished with your answers, you tag one person for each letter of your name.

K - Killer. Underneath this stay at home mom exterior, I'm secretly a paid killer.
A - Assassin. See above.
Y- Yo-Yo. Did you know the yo-yo was originally designed as a weapon? Honestly. This is true. It is one of my many weapons of destruction. I can't put "mass destruction" or the FBI will pay me a visit - again.
E - Execute. What I will do to anyone who doesn't laugh at this post. And I know who you are (evil cackle in background).

These alleged "facts" are only true if you believe in fairies. Then there really is no helping you. The only true fact is that I'm really weird, quirky, wacky, pick an adjective.

Since my disturbed husband came up with this one what does that say about me, hmmm? I actually came up with a normal one but when he said the above I couldn't stop laughing - so there ya go. If I were to post the one I came up with it would seem very anti-climactic.

Seriously.

K - kidney infection. That's how we found out I was pregnant - with twins. I ended up in the ER and when they did an ultrasound. I asked if she saw anything and she said yes! Then said there are two. Me, being me, asked two kidneys, two ovaries what?? She said no two babies. I was 12 weeks along. Explained all the barfing.
A - avocados. I'm the only one in my family that likes them. They all turn away in disgust when I have guacamole. Maybe because I have it all over my face?
Y - yap. As in talks too much or can't shut up. The definition is to talk noisily or stupidly; jabber mouth. Need I say more?? I'm amazed your eyes don't glaze over with how long my post can get.
E - exaggerate. Maybe only a few or 500 times - a.day. (hangs head in shame) I have gotten better as the years roll by. My husband's judgemental eyebrows have curbed me of it.

SEE??? This is no where near as funny. Very un cool cat behavior. I might have to delete mine so as not to get stripped of the award. *snort* Thanks Marie!!

I'm not sure who's done this one and who hasn't. Julie? Holly? Alison? Robin? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone want to play along?

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Motherhood Isn't For Sissies!

I was asked to write a funny mom's post for our church's blog. The following is what I came up with.

The scream that pierced the night crawled into my brain and yanked me out of a deep sleep. My eyes refused to open without fingers prying them loose. I smacked my other half to see if he would deal with that retched noise but he only snored.

"That’s okay honey I’ll get your spawn" I muttered.

I slid out of bed and almost landed on the floor. I banged my knee into the dresser veering me off course to crash into the door – getting the other knee. I then stubbed my toe on the bookshelf, the pain dance caused me to hop over onto a toy. While I was torturing myself the noise became defcon 4.

I did the old lady jig of pain - hobble, hobble, limp, limp, creak, crack, groan! repeat. I was muttering now I know why some animals eat their young and kill off their mate. This is sooo not worth it.

I make my presence know my kicking open the door only to be pushed back by the noise factor. Where was this gale force wind coming from?? Never underestimate the lung power of little kids. At this point I thought the kid was being eating by some ravenous teddy bear so I rushed to his side.

He sees me, hiccups, and then turns the faucet of tears off and coos at me. The look on my face must have scared him silly because he amped up the screaming. I picked him up and again the waterworks stop instantly.

I think something that drools just suckered me.

It was moments like that I was truly glad I hadn’t wasted years at college because there was no way anyone of those over paid professors could prepare me for motherhood. Everyone hears the horror stories, you baby-sit so you sort of have an idea, right? Wrong-o.

I also tried to forget the newborn stage. The stage where they look like a lizard with eyes that roll around. Okay maybe not a lizard – a really weird looking old man but something alien to the human race. After a visit from the relatives I realized my child is doomed from the gene pool. And me, the holder and keeper of spawn had just been handed a life sentence.

Someone better give me chocolate and an explanation!!!

Fast-forward a few years when junior has learned to speak (shudder) all.the.time. And his favorite word is NO! Always yelled, never spoken. Repeated several times in just two minutes flat. Courses in communicating? Amateurs compared to deciphering toddler speak.

After the blur of toddlerhood of get down off of that and stop hitting your brother you hit potty training. Good Lord what was He thinking by go forth and multiply?? Aim is not something guys are born with. Figures it takes a woman to teach them this at different stages in life. Ahem and that’s all I’ll say about that one!

Then you have a brief period where they are toilet trained, can dress themselves, and you think maybe, just maybe I can handle this motherhood thing. Only to discover you’re pregnant. But you don’t panic as you figured that you’ve been there. No one seems to understand that each child is truly different and that what worked for one won’t work for the other. That is until it’s too late. Toss the book out and back to survival mode.

By this time you are counting down the days until you can send the older one off to school. For some of us God likes to throw the monkey wrench by saying YOU get to homeschool. While some of you get to be the special mom for the day or welcome to purgatory. Then your child whom you taught to stop smearing poop all over themselves and to get dressed and how to talk etc. comes home only to tell you that you are an idiot because Ms. So and So said it differently.

Makes you feel all excited for parent teacher conference.

I actually look forward to parent teacher conference. I get something hot to drink, I eat chocolate and I tell myself that my children are doing wonderful and compared to their peers at every local store we had been to makes them look like geniuses – who polish their halos before they go to bed at night.

But we are not to compare. Yeah right! Let’s face it ladies. We compare ourselves to everyone and everything as well as how our kids are stacking up with each other as well as everyone else. Some of us are better at curbing that while some of us need more work.

I plead the fifth.

Make no mistake that motherhood is on the front lines of spiritual warfare. Regardless of your beliefs and opinions we are shaping eternity. Why do we not realize that both sides have stakes in it and will try to push things in their direction?

It is my opinion that homeschooling is the Special Forces in this fight. This is not said in condemnation to anyone (remember you’re in Christ so there is now no condemnation). Not everyone in the military can be in Special Forces. It takes a certain individual to tackle that feat. Same thing - it takes a special crazy to want your kids with you 24/7 and then teach them something on top of it. Most people have the sense to just walk away.

Take heart moms! We are the few, the proud, the privileged to be called MOM. Motherhood isn’t for sissies! And when you throw in all the end times stuff on top of it you sometimes look around and think we’re all doomed.

Whether God brings this age to a close next week, next month, or whenever let’s not loose heart in shaping eternity by letting the little snot-lickers live yet another season. Let’s roll up our sleeves and tackle one more project with our kids in building a memory. In all things let us do it unto the Lord – even this.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Passing On The Blog Bling


I'm giving this to Jennwa. You got to check out all the crafts she does - soooo cute!! She truly is gifted at it. My mouth hangs slightly open as I'm thinking there is no way I would do that.

I once taught a scrapbook class at our old homeschool co-op. It got to the point that I tried to convince one girl that it was chap stick not a glue stick and that she needed some. Little stinker wouldn't fall for it.

On a side note, could someone smack Mother Nature for me? It is so cold and snowy I thought I saw a penguin slap a squirrel today. Okay, not really but this has got to end soon right? Please?? Pretty pleeeease????

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Time To Make The Doughnuts

Yes, I have the mid-winter blues. I don’t feel like cooking. I don’t feel like cleaning. I’ve let the boys spend a day or three in PJs as long as they change underwear and brush teeth. I have some standards just low ones. My reasoning is this cuts down on laundry.

I don’t feel like teaching any subjects. I keep telling them go find a book or something else to do. They of course high five each other and go play Bionicles only to resurface again to ask what’s to eat. Sigh.

And I certainly do not feel like making the dreaded grocery list!!!

Some days I hate being the responsible one. I made the mistake of whining that to my husband thinking I would get some sympathy. When will I wake up to that one?

When we used to live out in the boonies we couldn’t just run to the store to pick something up for dinner. No! Things needed to be planned in advance so you weren’t cooking through 5 tanks a gas a week.

This means that you have to figure out what all everyone is going to eat for the next two weeks as well as the bring a dish events that always show up last minute. All I hear is ‘what’s to eat’ ‘what’s for dinner’ ‘when is lunch’ ‘Can I have a snack’? When I keep saying this is only a stage, I hear people with older kids laugh and say yup it will get worse.

Thanks, you happy people.

For entertainment we make Curious J eat a green bean. One lone green bean. Sitting there on his plate tormenting him. His mouth is already salivating from the anticipation of gagging. He has his water near by. He takes several deep breaths – in, out, in, out. He attempts to pick said bean up by stabbing it unsuccessfully several times. He finally gets it and slowly pulls the dread veggie closer to his mouth.

Can someone explain why they gag before it’s even in their mouth?

His theory is if he shoves it in his mouth and flushes it down with water it will go faster without tasting it. But we keep telling him that if he doesn’t chew it then it will get stuck thus causing him to gag. But what would I know.

I, of course, haven’t told him what all I did to try and get out of it when I was a kid. We just make him eat one. I had to clean the plate. My brother and I would hide them under the mashed potatoes, we shoveled them into our mouth and pretended to cough into our napkin only to spit them out.

I so wished we had a dog when I was a kid. A pea eating dog.

I was even conscious of the world’s plight at a young age and asked if they would send my peas to all the starving children of the world only to be told no and if I didn’t stop whining I would get another helping. I then asked why did they bring up the starving children in the first place?

It truly is by the grace of God I’m still alive after all the smart-aleck statements I’ve made. I thought on more than one occasion I was going to meet the big man Himself face to face. I pictured Him looking at me saying, what are you doing here? I would have to answer, I’m not exactly sure what smart comment I made but momma went over the edge. It was a good thing I had such an imagination to entertain myself cuz I sat for hours at table staring at the cold, gross, slimy peas.

Good times.

So when I see my spawn trying the same thing I laugh. I found this only makes the spawn get really mad, which only makes me laugh harder. Vicious cycle. Luckily for him I get him. I understand what makes him tick.

I try to tell the boys that if they gave more suggestions when I'm making the grocery list then they wouldn’t have as many meals they don't like to deal with. This only applies to CJ who keeps asking for the same three meals. I have made Ranch Chicken n Rice so much that hubby hates it. Last time he put salsa on it just so he could choke it down.

And they wonder why my self-esteem is hiding in the corner just quivering quietly.

Look!! I have accomplished (drum roll) a casserole!! Music swells, bright puffy clouds roll in, pride of a job well done rests on my heart when screeeeech! Music stops, looking around for puffy clouds my attention is drawn down to an empty casserole dish. I then see four guys inhaling it.

I think I just barfed a little. Sigh. Not much feeling of a job well done – that’s for sure.

Since I homeschool that means that lunches have to be accounted for as well. I hope some day if my boys are exposed to cafeteria food they will drop and pay homage to me – uh, for being obedient to God as He get all the glory, that's the ticket. Ahem. And that overrides any excuse I can come up with. God 25,976,483 me zip, but who’s counting?

The guys are of course zero help when it comes to making the dreaded list, but golly gee they are the first to point out when we are out of everything. Oh the inhumanity! They also don't liked to be mocked for some reason. Kids these days.

I told my kids if they ever said I didn’t love them they would get the back of my hand. They of course giggle knowing I would never do it. But they sing my praises as they shovel the food into their mouths, which is rather gross, and I wish they would stop that.

Anyone else in a food rut? Or a life rut? I’m not depressed – I’m just tired of doing the same thing over and over. Remember the Dunkin Doughnut’s commercial? I so feel his pain. I bet he was really a woman.

Monday, February 25, 2008

I Is A Multitasker


Julie thinks I'm gifted. If she only knew. I will take it as a compliment. I'm teasing her of course - thanks Julie!

Way back when I was tagged by Marie - I had to seek out help to figure this one out. And even after I was walked through it I was still confused. Not the brightest bulb but I got it figured out - finally. Holy link list Batman! If I knew how involved this would be I would have named my blog Bug or Whatever.

I digress - as usual.

The point is that it's nice to find new people but going through the archives is a pain so this is a linky-list of 5 post of yester-year. Kellan has read all of it so she can take a break. But I do love her comments.

1. Family - check here. This one I'm still trying to find a balance. The guys didn't want me to use their real names in case I say something stupid which is usual for me and they know this. It has been a nice discipline tool - 'stop that or I'll blog about it'. So far it's been working like a charm. Yes, I am that evil.

2. Friends - I should say that the only thing I've posted about a friend is this. I normal don't like to put things out about others because I don't think I would like my stuff splashed out there without having some say. So I return the favor - for now. (Insert evil cackle.)

3. Me - I haven't given the full story of the drama my folks caused and it did a number on me. When I started this blog I was already through the depression as well as all the stages of grief. And the depression didn't hit until a full year after everything and moved and settled.
I can say that there are things in life that can rob you more than what you realize. That cloud of sadness or that down season in life does take more out of you. So when I did this I was still on the road to recovery. I do believe that laughter IS the best medicine. There have been times that if I didn't laugh or make a joke I would start crying and wouldn't be able to stop. And that doesn't make for pleasant company. Usually most people have no clue what to say so grief makes them uncomfortable. When you've been in the midst of it you realize there will never be words to make it better - you just want someone to acknowledge the pain.

4. Something I love - the only thing that came to mind was my birthday. Since my birthday is two weeks after Christmas it usually wasn't much. Throw in the last few years have been rough and I wasn't expecting much. The whole day really did surprise me and blessed me a lot.

5. Anything - I had no clue what to put so I put this. I figured it was in the past so it counts. Not a plethora of things to chose from but I'm getting there. But there is the classic one.

Again, thanks Julie for thinking I'm funny and for Marie for thinking of me.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

I Finished It!!



I can not say enough great things about this book!

It really opened my eyes up to what all was going on. It has also challenged me to quit sitting here wishing people would do the right thing. I can only be responsible for myself and my actions. While I'm sure all of us can say why of course I knew that it wasn't something I was practicing.

While I know I got a ways to go, I feel like I got the tools to build the boundary lines.

One kicker was I wasn't respecting God's boundary lines. When I first read that I was sort of confused. Have you had a time in your life that you prayed and believed and yet the answer was still no? Did you pull away from God because of the no?

I did. On lots of subjects.

So I got the big light bulb moment. Very good stuff. I believe it really helped me dealing with my parents. I'm not an emotional wreck sitting in a corner sucking my thumb - simply because this book gave me a huge wake up call.

I returned the book to it's owner and thanked her profusely for saving my emotional life. I have more than half of a notebook filled with stuff I wrote down. I'm going to need another notebook to keep working through it all.

It's a start. And I'm starting to let some things go. Who knew?

Friday, February 22, 2008

An Evening

I was sitting at the table tonight eating dinner with my guys. My hands ran along my Mom’s tablecloth and enjoying a dinner that CJ was actually eating – voluntarily.

I looked at each of my guys laughing over the tales of the day. Thing1 and Thing2 had the floor as each one finished the other one’s sentence. They have been the helpers in the nursery during bible study today.

I chuckled as they both said it wiped them out (do tell) as one little boy gave them fits. I watched as one adjusted his glasses while the other one ran his hand through his hair. We talked about the vegetation process and the science projects we got done yesterday (ye-haw).

Curious J told us all about a book we read together today – Freckle Juice and how dirty rotten Sharon tricked Andrew into buying the secret recipe for fifty cents. He decided that Andrew was stupid and there was no way he would part with fifty cents for freckle juice.

On and on the conversation went as food was consumed and plates were cleared. Snippets of conversation with the hubs sprinkled the evening like seasoned salt…

Hey it’s either come up with this gooey sh-tuff or fold the laundry. You’re reading this so guess which one I chose. Teehee!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Looses A Head


I try to be a fun Mom but sometimes this seems to bite me in the butt. For whatever reason Curious J has had a long love affair for hotdogs. The only thing he loves more than hotdogs is cheese dust. It is truly heaven on earth if he can have ‘squirty cheese’ which is cheese from a can (ick) on top of his hot dog.

Me being me, I made him a murdered hotdog. I cut the top off and had ketchup everywhere. For a boy this is cool. A girl would scream I kiwld it.

Try explaining to your in-laws what the heck the kid is talking about when he asks if I will murder his hotdog for him. My MIL thinks I’m a freak and that Curious J is soo my spawn and that our goal in life is to flick her last nerve that gives her nervous twitches.

I can neither confirm nor deny that accusation.

I will say she has loosened up a smidge but I can’t claim that for me or my spawn. And not to be left out Thing1 and Thing2 can be like the dueling banjos – on everything. So all I have to do is say, a movie quote and they have to repeat it – both of them - one right after the other.

It seems repetition will drive an OCD person half out of what little brains they have left. (Insert evil cackle)

So when I saw this picture I started to crack up laughing. It is Curious J’s murdered hotdogs. I bet he would want a side of cheese for the other one.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Y'all Are So Sweet!


Okay, so it's wrong - on so many levels - but it is funny

Thank you all for just your sweet words and encouragement. Do you ever pray Dear Lord please tell me I won't turn out like her??

I feel like I'm on an emotional hangover as there was another bru-ha but it came from my Dad. I thought at one time I was Daddy's girl. Maybe I am but not to the degree what I thought it was. For whatever reason neither one of them can be what I need.

They, however, disagree and think that they are going to show me the way I need to go.

And how's that working for ya as you sit there all alone?

My Dad actually told me that it was my Christian duty to be together as a family if I liked it or not. He didn't win and he wasn't able to manipulate my husband to seeing things his way. I am so glad I have my husband! He has no problems saying it like it is yet he's nice about it. When I'm mad it's just ugly. When he's mad it's hard to argue with someone who is standing there being calm, cool, and collective. I can't spell calm, cool, or collective let alone act it.

It's weird - everyone says to do what your family needs, but I think for a long time I didn't have a clue what that was. Talk about having the blinders on! I'm still not sure but I know it's not all this junk.

I use to quote 'whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger'. I think my new quote will be 'pass the chocolate and no one will get hurt'. I'm kidding as I've done that for years to try to cope and it doesn't work. I just think I'm a bit tired of all the attempts on my life to take me out.

Again, thanks for all your kind words. Sounds like we can relate as we've all gone rounds with someone who is a pain. And we are still here in spite of what they have tried - so ha ha on them!

Friday, February 15, 2008

Is There A Pill To Make This Go Away?

In this episode of As The Door Slams Shut, our heroine is finally starting to see the light that she’s not the one with the problem.

Before we cue the music and she falls back onto a pillow with a butt-load of chocolate we must rewind to yesterday.

Yesterday was just a normal day. My hubby can write wonderful poetry but flowers not always. He’s more a hit or miss. Sometimes he remembers my birthday, mother’s day, etc other times not really. Money is so tight right now that I told him don’t do anything and he nodded his relief.

The joys of working in construction.

Went to bible study and we had a potluck afterwards and hung out. Good stuff. (I’m sure Allison has totally given up on me by now.)

I get home and there is a message on my phone. My Mom called (cue evil music) and wants to discuss what all "we" are going to do as she’s getting my niece and nephew. We’ve had some issues with my nephew and right now none of us want to see him. They are raised differently and I can’t trust the kid.

However, this is spawn of favorite child, therefore Cruella feels that it is vital that we all drop everything and entertain the twerp. My niece isn’t bad – now. But my Mom has played major favorites over the years. Since we use to live on my parents property (and she held that over my head every.single.day) we had to put up with a lot.

Now that we have our own place and haven’t been under my parents' thumb for the last few years there is shock in the land that her royal highness’ wishes are not being followed. Nay! Outright challenged.

I didn’t call her back once I got home as we had some schoolwork that needed taken care of. Once that was done I grabbed my cell phone to put it on the charger. I had left it on vibrate while at bible study.

Another message.

I should have saved this message to show all that I’m not being a pain – she’s off her rocker. Throws this major temper tantrum about how childish I’m being for not returning her phone calls and if I won’t be mature and answer the phone she wants nothing to do with me.

Why did I take the bait?

I call her back and the tone was ‘I knew that would get you’ must have sent me over the edge. She told me what she wanted and I told her no. She pressed and I stressed No.

Later that night, she called again. And this time the fur really did fly.

She said I can’t put the boys in a bubble. This is true. God knows I have tried. But I pointed out to her that I’m trying to teach the boys boundaries because it was something that I was never taught.

She insisted, demanded, and threatened all while I continued to say NO.

She then changed tactics and said what a pain in the butt I was at 14. I cut her off as I’ve heard this one since I was 14 and pointed out that since that was 20 years ago get over it. She said as a mother she knows what she’s talking about. I said as a mother myself and not having much of one to begin with I am doing the best I can for my kids.

She then switched gears to no one likes her and no one understands her. I got to use her favorite line "others have gone through worse so suck it up and get over it".

She went off ‘excuse me for having an opinion’. My mind is of course going off here and I said no one asked your opinion about MY KIDS on how to raise MY KIDS!! I ended up hanging up on her.

My eavesdroppers came flying around the corner saying ‘you told her’ and ‘thank you for backing us up’ while my hubby grinned and gave me a high-five me.

I know I did the right thing, but still.

I was listening to a teaching tape about fear and how it chokes out everything and while I was listening I felt that a light was turned on. I’m looking at this messy room and now I don’t know what to do about it. Fear over here and some back over there. I’ve heard fear accepted is faith contaminated. Ouch.

Then at bible study I felt that God wants me to de-clutter my heart. Emotional problems can lock themselves into our bodies and rather than just treat the symptoms I need to get to the root. When I stood up to my Mom (again) I know I’m doing the right thing.

BUT what I’m struggling with is my family keeps throwing the whole love walk in my face. That it doesn’t matter what others do to me I’m to walk in love towards people.

For me to say no is not walking in love. I so disagree.

Apparently family gets to have special rank and one is suppose to just take it. I had a hard time doing the Beth Moore’s Loving Well. I felt that it was another area for me to fail at – another check mark on the long list of merit badges to achieve to be called a Christian.

Part of me was wondering why have I been grieving over not having my Mom. My Mom hasn’t been there for me. It was always some elusive carrot to hang over my head. If I would just do this then maybe she’ll finally accept me. But when my MIL pointed out that it didn’t matter what I did she still wasn’t going to accept me I finally stopped trying. And that was when the guilt finally fell off.

The Boundary book says that we are to purpose in our hearts what we give, as that’s biblical. It applies to time, money – everything. If I’m the one upset than I’m the one that needs to see in my heart what I can give and what I can’t. What’s the motivation behind the actions? If I’ve been doing stuff out of guilt then I’ve been the one in the wrong.

Last time my folks had stopped over I was able to see that my Mom can’t give me what I need. Rather than sit here wishing she would do the right thing I’m taking responsibility for myself.

It just seems to be a fine line of walking in love and taking responsibility. Maybe taking responsibility IS walking in love. Still working on it.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

6 Quirky Memes

Marie tagged me again this time for a quirky meme.

What she doesn't realize is I'm weird so to just pick 6 is like describing my arm, leg, a toe or two, and an elbow. Not very exciting and if you knew me in person you would just say duh!

1. I can't seem to sit still. I didn't realize just how fidgety I am until I watched my youngest who is part monkey. I seem to always be playing with my necklace, hair, or tapping a pencil. Which is ironic because when Thing2 drums away on everything it drives me up the wall. I guess that makes me a fidget snob - only I can fidget.

This is a meme. So it's all about me, me, me, me, and a few others.

2. For some weird reason I freak out about milk being left outside the frig. My husband mocks me as that is the first thing through the door and put right into the frig is the milk. I tried to explain it to him but he doesn't get it. Growing up I couldn't leave the table until my plate was clean and I drank all my milk. I would fight tooth and nail to get out of eating peas and so after all that fighting and gagging the milk would be room temperature.
Worse I think it had started to get warm. And warm milk on a stomach queezy with peas just ain't a pretty sight. To add insult to injury I always had to clean up my own barf. What is up with that?? So I don't do warm milk. Besides do you have any idea how fast bacteria grows in room temperature milk?? Thus adding to the ick factor. Therefore the milk needs to get into the frig to stay cold - immediately!!!

3. I communicate a lot by quoting movies. There is always a classic line and when you've been forced to watch some Disney something or other things will stick in your head. My husband and I have done this for years and now our spawn have picked up on this.
I apologize to all of society.
But I love the million little inside jokes that we have. I can look at my husband and say 'toe pick' and he so gets it. Everyone else in the room looks at me like it's time for my medicine.

4. To go along with number 3 - I will sometimes add the proper voice to go with whatever quote I am doing. Or if I'm talking to myself I will use different voices to at least try and keep the conversation straight.
If you say 'hello, my name is Indigo Mantoya. You killed my father prepare to die' you have to do it in his accent. Or if doing Izma from Emperor's New Grove, "I put that flea inside a box and then I'll put that box inside another box and then I'll mail it to myself and then when it arrives Ahahaa I'll smash it with a hamma!" Not hamm-er hamm-a. If you've seen it you would get it. I hope. If not than I really qualify for being weird quirky.

5. I am not an animal person. I have friends that have dogs and I can be very loving to them until they do something gross like only animals can do like poop on the rug or eat someone's poop. Ick, ick and double ick.
When we moved we ended up with my Mom's dog. I was sort of hoping that they would take their dog once they got out but no that didn't happen. This dog is a very nice dog but she is an outside dog. I've tried to walk this dog but when you live in town you need to take care of the poo - this dog is big and her poo needs a friggin shovel to heft it. Then I have to blackmail a kid to hold open a bag to hold the loaf of poo. Not happening.
If you are gagging through this than you can see my point that if it poops and I have to clean up after it I don't like it. My kids have been the only exception to this rule. Although when I was forced to work in the nursery I couldn't do it clinging to the fact that it was not my calling. The ironic part is that I now help in the nursery and it doesn't bother me - as much!

6. When my Dad would drag take us to all the county fairs he always insisted on seeing all the animals. I hated every moment of it because hello? poo!! In all shapes and sizes and levels of stank. I was the dorky kid that had her nose plugged the whole way trying very hard not to gag while my Mom and Dad both yelled at me to get over it it's just poop. Then they would want to grab some nice greasy fair food right after seeing all the animals and then hey let's go on some rides! For some reason my folks couldn't figure out why I sometimes blew chunks. Masters of deduction they ain't.

I saw a children's book Cooking with Pooh with Winnie the Pooh on the front. That is just so wrong on so many levels cuz you know there will be milk and peas involved. Gag!

I'm suppose to tag 6 other people to do this BUT I've noticed on everyone's blog that I read or hopped over to visit from time to time have all been tagged for one thing or another lately. I'll leave it open - if you do a 6 quirky meme let me know. I have embraced my weirdness. Any other nut jobs out there? Just me?? Dagnabbit.

Monday, February 11, 2008

I'm Invisible

The following was sent to me. It made me cry and I thought I would pass along the sniff. For every woman that's called Mother we are in the trenches.

I'm Invisible

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids walks into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside, I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible. The InvisibleMom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more:"Can you fix this?" "Can you tie this?""Can you open this?" Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. "She's going, she's going, she's gone!"

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean.
My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tinybird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God will see."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes home made pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. Then, if there is anything to say to his friend, it could be, "You're gonna love it here!"

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women. Great Job, MOM!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Oh Those Messed Up Celebs



It's a bit disturbing to hear about all these stars get into trouble and then end up in rehab for this or that so when I saw my beloved muppets fall into the dark pit as well - I was, well, um, I laughed my butt off.

I'm now picturing Kermit in a pimp outfit with a sad looking Ms. Piggy. That was not an imagine I wanted.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Back At Ya Babe!


I thought I would pass some bloggy bling back to Marie. I think she's as nutty as me and that's saying something. I'm hoping the shiny button will distract her from the fact that I still haven't figured out how to list older posts.

Let's just say I won't get the Sharpest Pencil Award. Sigh.

I still can't get the spellcheck to work. I think I'm going to cough on the screen to get back at the computer. I can see I'm not very mature either.

Just step back from the chocolate and no one will get hurt - much. Hope y'all have a great weekend and I'll try to be back to normal. Whatever that is.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

You Like Me - Both of You.



Marie is so sweet - she gave me this award. After reading the last two posts all I can think is sucka! I'm kidding. I just don't feel very excellent.

For whatever reason you, both of you, like my blog. I'm not sure why as I think I forgot to spell check. I had absorbant instead of absorbent. High quality writing here as you can see. It's not like I haven't hit the stupid spellcheck button several times just nothing is happening. I blame Blogger cuz there is no way I can type anything without there being errors.

Lots and lots of errors. I apologize for the errors - I can't make them go away.

I'm still having issues on learning how to post older stuff and blah,blah, html code and rs feed and something else and I give up as this makes my head spin, but I will continue on. It might be a month or two but hey I'm persistent - just slow.

Oh, don't mind me - I was able to salvage a lung with the possibility of saving the other one only to discover I started my period. I think the only thing that could top this moment would be if the in-laws called to say they were coming for a weekend visit.

Then I would beg - shoot me now.

Thanks Marie - this has been the highlight of my week. Literally. And I'm loving your snarkiness.

I'm off to scare my children and raid the pantry for chocolate and park my butt in front of the tv waiting for LOST.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

I'm Alive!! I Think.

I think in my delirious state I begged my husbad to put me out of my misery. He said no such luck. Finally the fever broke taking away the chills and even the muscle aches. It forgot to take away the cough.

The wet sock is now a dry knot that once aggravated, say like breathing, it starts and doesn't want to stop.

Food has been dead to me. So please God tell me I will lose a few pounds through this whole ordeal. I'm sure that has happened I'll just have to make sure I don't binge eat once I'm back to my normal self.

Since my best friend food is out of the picture I have been drinking fluid by the truck load. I think I was trying to drown myself.

In retrospect - that was stupid.

Especially when one has a cough. A dry hacking, double me over, horf up a luggy cough. (Did ya gag? I did!)

I know all the health reasons for needing the fluid. It just goes back to that fine print. Having children ruins your bladder. No amount of 'clench training' will help thus insuring that absorbent material will rule the world. At least in my home. It's either that or try to drip dry but my life won't let me live on the toilet.

But the amount of hacking and the amount of liquid has not been pretty. I thought I heard, "Captain, I've taken all that I can and I can't take no more" coming from, well you get the idea.

I will say that NOTHING makes you feel old like when you have to buy those absorbent material. Always and Kotex etc are acceptable but have the checker give you the look of distain when you come through her line with say Poise or Depends.

Where was that luggy when I needed it? Don't judge me lady I'm in a state of emergency!

Who knew there was snobbery in absorbent world? You would think there was enough, uh, love to go around for all to, um, absorb. At least I don't need the tampon any more.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Did You See That Mac Truck That Ran Me Over??

Did someone get the number off the truck cuz I feel horrible!! My chest is congested. Matter of fact, I think someone stuffed wet socks into my lungs. Cotton was shoved up my nose when I wasn't looking. I have no idea what my temperature is but I'm not cold so that says a lot.

And pain. Lots of pain coursing through my muscles every time I think of moving. Ouch! I touched the keyboard. So I guess I should be typing ouch, ouch, ouch, owie.

FYI - coughing really hard makes you leak fluid from everywhere. My nose is dripping so bad I'm tempted to shove a tampon up my nose so I don't have to wipe my sore nose every 3 second. Thank God for absormant material in all shapes and sizes. Except I am hacking my head off so bad that Depends are starting to sound nice.

Must be all the pain meds.

The weird part is when I'm sitting down and I get lightheaded - go figure. I'm going back to bed.

Okay - uncle. I can't figure out how to link older post. Any suggestions?? Just so you know what you are dealing with I start to fuzz out and my eyes glaze over when talking html codes. So please use small words, k?