Thursday, December 18, 2008

Um, Yeah

Hi, it's Joanna's brain again. She's not available right now as I ran away from her laughing like crazy. Amazingly enough she came to the conclusion not to go anywhere - all this without me to assist her. It's a proud moment.

She spent the day baking, cleaning, battling the laundry, helping with schoolwork, wringing hands about bills, and more cleaning. It got very boring so I bailed out on her. At least I didn't have to bail her out so this is progress.

Thought I would toss up a few funnies since our resident nut is sitting in the corner muttering. Something tells me the post she would write would be R rated so I'll try to distract her with some chocolate.

I did try to fix the photo but it wouldn't let me so sorry about it but it is funny.






SUMMARY OF LIFE OF ALL STAGES:

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge - mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) Its frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is...not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is...having friends.
At age 17 success is...having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is...having money.
At age 50 success is...having money.
At age 70 success is...having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is...having friends.
At age 80 success is...not piddling in your pants.

9 comments:

Dianne said...

My Christmas wish list has only one item. The travel coffee mug that states "I haven't had my coffee yet. Don't make me kill you." Knew you would appreciate it!

Kerri said...

Ba ha ha ha.
Love that last one.
I just said to Doug yesterday, I don't know what I ever did before coffee (actually it's more like a double espresso with lots of milk.)
Either way, keeps me going!

Anonymous said...

Oh, shoot, I'm not a succes, in my category. Do I get to start over? HaHa Margie

Julie said...

You're making me not want to grow up! *lol*

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

Sorry that you are needing a answering machine to cover the chaos. Thanks for stopping by today.

Debbie said...

Oh my. These lists are wonderful and so true.

The Blonde Duck said...

That's so funny and sad at the same time! I don't want to be old!

jubilee said...

Thanks for the late night laughs. BG

Edwina at The Picket Fence said...

Believe it or not, but I had a friend who wore 'I'm behind the Seminole undewear' under her white pants and we didn't tell her about it for awhile, we all wanted a good laugh. That was mean wasn't it? lol