Monday, January 5, 2009

Quirky - A State Of Being

I am a strange duck. I knew this on many levels but today I just screamed quirky. I can't say it was just one thing, it was an on-going strangeness that is me. I didn't get dressed. By tomorrow morning I will offend myself in my stank and will run to the shower.

Or I may decided to get some revenge on my boys.

The older two need new slippers in the worst way. The stench from these things makes you think of the walking dead. I tried spraying them with Fabreeze. The slippers cracked up laughing, yanked the bottle out of my hand, guzzled it and then belched out a stench that was even worse than before.

They stink, stank, stunk.

I would burn them but I think it would kill off the entire county and I just can't live with that type of guilt. Sure we would be in a better place - stank free - but I don't think I would win any brownie points for mass murder of the nostril senses.

I can only hope that last sentence doesn't send the FBI out to my house - again. I really should make them some goodies seeings how they tend to check up on me on a regular basis. They refused my application into the witness protection program again and suggested I seek therapy. I have a blog what more do they expect?

Gives a whole new meaning to slipper slapping, I'll tell ya that much.

Um, I was going some where with this but now I can't remember. Wait for it. It'll come back, I hope. Quirky! Yeah, that's the ticket.

So there I was in my jammies, jamming out on my MP3 scrapbooking away. I looked at some of the stuff I have scrapbooked and read my journaling and it was further proof I am quirky. I looked at pictures and thankfully didn't have the ugly cry. Instead, I thought dang that happened a loooong time ago. This then leads my twisted mind to think just how loooong ago it was and how oooold I'm getting.

I was showing Hubby what little progress I made and he said the same thing, that it happened a looong time ago. The twinkle in his eyes so gave him away and we spent a few good minutes telling each other just how old the other one was looking lately.

It's the little things that keep that spark alive and well. Except he then took a left turn off normal picking into stupid question of the day.

Hubs: "Why didn't you get more pages done?"
Me: "As if you care but why do you ask?"
H: "You've been saying you wanted to do this for days so I thought you would get more done than that."
Me: "See right there when you said 'I thought' that was your mistake. You can't rush creativeness!"
H: Looking at table full of stuff. "This isn't going to be a one day thing, is it?"
Me: "You're a quick one. I can see I am no match for your mental quickness."
H: Still looking at crap all over the place. "Um, I did say you could set up in the den, right?"
Me: "Yeah, as soon as all the Christmas junk was down. If you bring up all the boxes I will start getting it all packed up tomorrow."
H: Eyes glazing over at stuff on table. "Tomorrow? I still have some stuff to get done. Just how many days are you planning on having this stuff out?"
Me: "You're kidding, right?"
H: "What?"
Me: "Are you planning on putting away all your new camping stuff away anytime soon?"
H: "That's different."
Me: "Whatever you say dear."

H: "I'll get to it when we take down the Christmas stuff. Right now laundry baskets are in the way."
Me: "I know, I had smack the darn laundry fairy around just to even get it done. While she was giving me an attitude magical elves showed up to write out the bills but ran out of stamps. They didn't want to go get any more and since I'm not dressed I voted to stay home, all while the entertaining gnomes kept tripping me with complaints that I don't play enough with my spawn and after looking at pictures of my babies who aren't babies any more I sort of got distracted."

H: "How about I cook dinner?"
Me: "My hero."

Wii ended up bowling with the boys and their smelly slippers. The fumes only made me slightly light-headed a few times but I managed to gulp down some clean air on bathroom breaks. I wonder if this is some sort of survival mechanism? Is it any wonder why the bathroom is a mom's place to hide? Especially if she hid chocolate in the tampon box.

But when I went in there to escape the stench more horrors awaited me. I have mentioned that my FIL has worse aim than my three sons, right? I'm thinking of making up a bathroom sign that sort of gives rules. Like no peeing from the shower into the toilet. No sitting on the floor while peeing. This is not a shooting gallery however your aim is critical. This is not the area to practice being a fireman as there are no fires that needs to be hosed down. Accidents happen but clean up the mess for Pete's sake. Failure to follow these simple rules will result in torture and torment for all eternity.

And people wonder why I self-medicate with chocolate.


Dianne said...

I am so sorry you have to self medicate. Me, I have a SIL who feeds my addiction with her homemade lemon cookies. HHMMM, wonder what she wants? Love your quirky humor and looks on life. They are much like mine. So, I'm not strange, I'm just like you!

Kerri said...

Woman, you slay me. I love your conversation-posts. I've been trying to get caught up on my pictures too...Doug helped me make a bunch of stuff while he was home for a couple weeks, so I'm way more organized than before. I actually got a few pages done the last couple of days!!

Oh, have you tried baking soda in the slippers??

Anonymous said...

Reading about the stanky slippers reminded me of buying a bag of charcoal to put in different "smelly" places in our house to absorb the odors. Hubby pointed out that I had bought the kind with lighter fluid already added. Accused me of trying to burn the house down, he did. But seriously, charcoal will absorb odors too. Margie

Sarah said...

LOL! What a funny post!

I say wash the slippers in the machine. If it messes them up...well, they needed new ones anyway, right?!

Kaye Butler said...

Girl, you should write a book!

I am the sister in law that medicates Dianne with lemon cookies. She could make these cookies, they are easy, but she swears they taste better if I make them. She wonders what I want...I want her to not be mad at me for not making her curtains for her house yet...I've had the material since July.

I hate when boys miss...

Joanna said...

Dianne - I am so sorry you're like me. Seek help before it's too late. :)

Okay stupid question - how long do you leave baking soda in a slipper? They wear these suckers all the time.

I never thought of charcoal - same question how long do you leave them in? I think this could be a mess waiting to happen.

Hi Sarah. I tried tossing them in the washing machine but it only sort of helped. I got it!! Baking soda in the washing machine! Thanks InterPeeps!

Kaye - a book is waaay too ambitious for me. I'll stick to blogging. I get distracted pretty easy and I wouldn't know how to fin... hey chocolate!

Debbie said...

Be like me. All my photos and stuff is just crammed in a huge basket. Weighs 299 pounds. I think of it as scrapbooking with some assembly required.

Anna K. said...

Ha! My dad, who's a teacher, had to tell a group of his boys to quit aiming for the spiders in the corner and that bathroom time was not to practice signing their names...and not to do the dry off shake! The smell from the boys bathroom was marginally better after that...a shame that your FIL is the age he is and still needs bathroom etiquette 101...or glasses!

You talking with your Hubs reminds me of my silly conversations with mine. Too funny!

Kellan said...

I imagine a house full of boys/men would create quite a stinch - Ha!

Have a good week - Kellan

Julie said...

We always just throw the slippers into the washing machine (and let them air dry)... Seems to work fine. :D

Some days I miss paper scrapping... But mostly I love to digital scrapbook. :D said...

Stinky boy feet - eww. And, does he really think you just scrap and poof! it's done? I still have newborn pics that need doing. Silly men.

Kerri said...

Every other day or so dump some baking sode in the slippers. THat way it's continually fighting the odor, and it shouldn't get any worse!

jubilee said...

Stinky boy feet are the worst. Unless you count stinky man feet. Feet are just gross no matter what. Strangely, my husbands feet are soft and nice. As far as feet go, I mean.

Don't have any advice on the slipper thing. We just toss 'em when they've gone bad. But then we have a WalMart less than two miles away from the house. At once a blessing and a danger.

I've got to remember the chocolate in the tampon box thing. My husband would never think to look there. Although there is a slight gross-out factor for me on that one.

Aleta said...

OMG, I'm becoming a fan of your blog. Thanks for posting the link to this post. Freakin hilarious!