Friday, February 27, 2009

Sorry But

So sorry but this isn’t going to be much of a post. I got a rip roaring headache and right now it is thundering and flashing a little bit. I guess Old Man Winter heard that I called him a jerk and decided to rain instead of snow. Thank goodness!!

But the lights have been flickering and with my head pounding like crazy I can’t seem to come up with anything so I’m going to bed. Hubs laughed at this picture. Wonder what he's trying to say??

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Say Wha?

Well holy mind bend, batman. I'm still tripping out about LOST. Ben is the devil and I hope John beats him to a pulp. I felt so bad for John. Here are a handful of people telling him he is special and needed yet every time he tries it doesn't go too well.

HEY! I feel like that is my life!! Okay, that is a bit trippy. I think I need to step away from the TV remote.

Instead, I will retell our tail of the loading of the carts at wally world. Thankfully, there was no emo bird dude floating around. It was busy but not too bad. But there was this stuff that was missing. What was it again? Oh yeah, food! Almost every shelf had big blank spots that was suppose to have some type of food item in its place.

Was there another big recall I wasn't aware of?? Or are the stock boys let go cuz of down sizing? Bring them back!!

A guy was standing in the middle (hate that) just muttering about he was here earlier today AND yesterday and the stuff is STILL out. He was going off about it that caused J to stop in his tracks and sort of stare. Hope the guy wasn't part of that roaming band of gypsies cuz I changed my mind.

But never fear, the power farting twins let off some serious gas and the guy not only moved the cart but decided to run away. I had to drape myself over the cart while Hubs dragged it out of the gas zone while covering his face. Thank goodness for Hubs or I would have been a goner.

The only reason why we aren't banned from wally world is because of the amount of money we spend there. Otherwise I think we would be blocked from entering. Except we know two, count them, two greeters.

It pays to have connections.

J would say it pays to have two brothers with some serious gas to move strange people out of the way, but we're not asking him. He would also add that it didn't help that it cracked them all up and that set off a serious of machine gun fire farts. Y'all - I am scared to do their laundry right about now.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Really?

I get asked at every family functions if I am done ruining the boys and have finally come to my senses and will put them into a public school. While I'm flattered that these people who can't control their own spawn take so much interest in mine, all this does is remind me why I don't go to these functions.

Oddly enough these people are still able to track me down. So much for not forwarding your mail - they find you anyway.

Yes, I question every single day if I'm doing the right thing. I've spent many an hour asking to get off the hook with God telling Him I am not cut out for this. Only to have Him spell it out to me on so many levels what is His answer. He then pointed out that I wasted two years and I better get my bootay going.

God invented sarcasm. And knows how to use it.

So I sort of resigned myself to my fate and trudged along. This year has been a better year once I stopped whining at God and just obeyed what He said to do. What a shock. Then we have a day, like today, that just seems to run along for a few weeks at a time that makes me run right back to God for is that Your final answer?

For whatever reason, M and I have been going toe to toe on just about everything all.day.long. Suddenly he can't remember a blooming thing and has taken hours to do his school work. And it shouldn't take this stinking long. N is flying through his school work and has been a joy to watch this year.

That is saying something because last year? (shuddering) Last year, I was ready to sell him to a roaming band of gypsies.

Today I was considering it for M. Actually it's been going on for over a month.

He is just a ball of frustration right now. It is an attitude problem through and through. He claims he doesn't understand what the math questions are asking. He gets the lesson but blanks out at the question. This is stuff that was covered the last two years. Last year dude was the one flying through stuff and was a breeze to deal with and now he's dragging his feet.

When he's in a good mood, the school stuff isn't a problem and he gets it done pretty quickly. Lately, he's mad about everything and is constantly beating himself up over everything. I hear Hubby was this way only much, much worse as a teen. God help us all.

And chocolate doesn't even phase them!! I'm still sort of shocked by that news.

I will say I am liking 13 waaay better than I did the 11-12 stage. I kept thinking there was going to be casualties if things got worse once teendom was here. I have said I brought you in this world and I can take you out of it. I also said they are twins and I could take one out and force the other one to pull double duty. I was all set to pull out the riot gear that I usually save for when my folks visit. Thankfully things have not escalated to that degree.

N was even saying today that he has mellow somewhat. Humble, he ain't. This is the boy that will admit he struggles with feeling compassion towards anyone. This is one of Hubs traits and the other one is dark and brooding which M has that one. From the stories Hubby tells me, I'm surprised he wasn't voted most likely to be the uni-bomber when he was in high school.

I'm sure this is why God wanted me to marry Hubby and to home school - to change the gene pool and try as much intervention as I possibly can.

They are not into sports and as soon as someone suggests it, they will give them the laser glare of doom and will shun them for all eternity. It's just hard to see M struggle with whatever it is that is bothering him. Nothing I say seems to make it past the ears. The more he messes up and the more I have to come down on him the more he stews and is just livid with himself.

His favorite thing is to listen to his MP3 and scream/sing Skillet. And there really isn't enough chocolate, Motrin, or alcohol to even begin to numb that pain. It's bad enough going through it with two at the same time but knowing J is only a few years away is not helping. And that is my spawn. Legendary tales has said that I had/have emotional mood swings there were stuff of legends.

If I only knew just how messed up Hubs and I were I would have said for all of society's sake we mustn't reproduce. Actually, I have no idea how it happened and even questioned if I was even awake for the conception part but that is another legendary tale saved for another time.

This, of course, has made me pray like I've never prayed before. Come on God, blow the whistle and call everyone out of the pool. We are on a time table here! Personally, I hope it happens soon that way I don't have to worry about them hitting high school.

I can dream, can't I?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I Got Nothing So...

WISDOM OF LARRY THE CABLE GUY (Thanks Kaye)

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
14. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
15. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
16. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
20. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
21. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
22. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
23. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
24. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
25. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

JEFF FOXWORTHY PICKING ON MICHIGAN

1. If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan.
2. If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pellston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan.
3. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Michigan.
4. If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year you might live in Michigan.
5. If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan.
6. If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan.
7. If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in Michigan.
8. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan.
9. If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan.

PART 2 - You know you're a true MICHIGANDER when . . .
1. 'Vacation' means going up north on I-75.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
15. Down South to you means Ohio.
16. A brat is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.
18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You find 0 degrees 'a little chilly.'
22. You drink pop and bake with soda.
23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine.
24. You can actually drink Vernors without coughing.
25. You know what a Yooper is.
26. You think owning a Honda is Un-American.
27. You know that UP is a place, not a direction.
28. You know it's possible to live in a thumb.
29. You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest.
30. You actually understand these jokes, and you will tell them to all your Michigan friends.

And because I can't resist...

Subject: Financial Planning (thanks Margie)

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Old Man Winter Is A Jerk

Guess what it did this weekend? Go ahead - take a guess. It snowed. It stinking s-n-o-w-e-d. Oh snow, how I hate thee. You have so worn out your welcome as you always do. Christmas is long over as well as January. As March will be here at the end of the week, I think you need to go away with February.

Sadly, this is Michigan. Winter water wonderland. Which means we're a big frozen puddle of wonder. Maybe because we wonder if Spring will really come? We didn't go any where Saturday as we got dumped on with the white stuff and on the way to church it was almost a total whiteout.

And it's cold too. I'm tired of being cold. I'm tired of wearing several layers of clothes and wrapping myself up in a blanket. This has lead me to finding a boyfriend. Someone who warms be but sadly burns me if I get to close as all affairs do.

Yeah, don't freak - it's our wood burning stove. I called him Burnie. When he is cooking right along, I come up to him and get as close as I can to thaw out. I whisper sweet nothings at his hot head.

Hubs totally encourages this because he knows if I don't thaw out with Burnie I will suck all the heat out of him. The other night I was getting into bed and he started whimpering in his sleep! Big baby.

The man is a microwave and I'm the human ice cube. I make him go to bed to warm up the sheets but I've noticed he only warms up his side of the bed. So I make sure to sap all his heat out of him so I can warm up my side.

He is getting better about not screaming like a little girl. Maybe because I stopped shoving my cold toes in between his thighs? Truth be known, I would still do it but dude has his legs on lock down as soon as I enter the room. All in his sleep!

Impressive. Most impressive.

But I shall overcome. Because I'm freezing!! We weren't home all day so Burnie is not there for me. I've had about 5 cups of hot tea and I still can't feel my toes and I'm wearing socks and slippers. We have a drafty old house. Hubby tells me to put on another sweater, and a blanket and I'll be fine.

Fine.

Now if you will excuse me I'm off to go find some warm toasty thighs of his and tell him how fine I am. At least that is what I'll say but he might not hear me through all the screaming.

I say we shoot the groundhog and maybe Spring will come sooner. Any takers?

Friday, February 20, 2009

Baby Blues

Snark or not to snark - that is the question. At least it is right this moment. It's 12:34 am. Do you know where my brain is? I've been flipping through the channels trying to think of something to blog about. Now how sad is that? And the level of sadness reaches to several different lows.

As if the TV, other than LOST, is going to give me anything blog worthy. If that isn't bad enough there wasn't anything on TV that could at least justify in distracting me from coming up with something.

And then I feel even lower that this is blogging not something I have to come up with. Then I question my whole reasons for even blogging. I'm not even PMSing and I'm already at the stage of questioning my very existence. Dagnabbit.

I did learn something new today - once you get out of the small children trenches you find that you don't ever want to go back.

Please pray for my friend Kerri. She hurt her back and was having back spasms. We watched her ca-yute little man while she went to get tortured by the chiropractor. I wanted to hug her but knew that would only hurt more. She has the energizer bunny for a kid who has got to be the smartest little thing in the world.

No joke! I think the dude will make his own rocket in another 5 months and he's 2! Just the stuff he came up with was hilarious. Took all five of us to keep up with him. You can tell those mommy muscles are so far out of shape that they no longer exist.

And I'm okay with that which that alone is saying something too!

For whatever reason, the soon to be thirty year old female brain starts to go a bit wacky. You look at your life and take stock and scream how did I screw up this bad??? Nothing has prepared me for the life that I have right now. This was nothing I ever had on my radar when I thought of my future. I've spent most of my life wondering why didn't I take the left turn at Albuquerque?

So after I was done kicking myself for not making more of myself, I then shifted gears of hey I want another baby. Hubs listened to my ranting to both extremes and it left him thoroughly confused. Because in the middle of all that I was ranting about home schooling and how the boys were boys and I didn't think I was a very good mom.

Basically it boiled down to I was looking for validation and I wasn't getting any so my whacked out mind thought baby would fill that hole.

And oh how I tried to make this happen. Ever try to make something happen? How was your results? Mine were a big ol mess. Someone should tell that octo mom this even though it's too late for her.

I remember I was just in a massive pit of despair anytime it was quite clear I wasn't pregnant. Hold on for a second because I have to stop laughing. Now? If I were to be pregnant it would be the pit of despair. I say this and yet every now and then I will get pummeled with dreams of baby bliss. I will wake up with that oh wouldn't that be nice feeling?

And that's when I recommend running to the nearest toddler you can find to snap you back out of it.

It's one thing if you're kids are still young and it's something God's placed on your heart. It's another when it's beyond your control and the answer is no.

The thing that gets me the most is the thought of having to start home schooling all over again. The other day I was just spent. Didn't want to explain another phonics rule, math rule, ratio, Greek mythology, or spell a blooming thing. It wasn't just because I can't spell too great, let alone remember a rule and Greek what? It was more of a oh my gosh this is overwhelming at times.

Toss in money issues, family issues, and breathing through a paper bag when I think of the next few years - that would definitely make me say no.

And yet I know my heart. I know what it's like to try and make something happen only to be left with shattered emotions, deep disappointments, and lots of unanswered questions. I don't think I've ever heard any preaching on how to handle God's no with grace and dignity. I grew up hearing we're the Kings Kids and nothing bad will ever happen.

Golly gee, is it any wonder why I feel so ill equip with the waves that crash in?

Tonight I'm very thankful I'm not living in toddlerville again but didn't mind the visit. But I'm rather curious of what my InterPeeps have to say on how to handle God's no with grace. I can tell you I have not, repeat, not handled the no with grace.

I usually have found myself totally spent, pinned to the mat, and drenched in sweat before I'm ready to say uncle. I am half Cruella after all and had zero examples on that whole submission thing. But I can say that God is faithful to wait me out until I've come to the end of myself.

I always looked at no at being the negative. What if no has a whole different angle? I feel at the end of myself and I'm waiting to see what the Lord has to say. Getting over 30 you finally have the brains to not take it to the mats before you say uncle.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

What Do Ya Know?

Oh the randomness of this post should reach a whole new.... hey where did I put my tea?

I have mentioned a time or fifty that my MIL has some issues. Not normal issues but the bizarre and strange issues which surprisingly a lot of you fessed up to having similar issues as well. Got all that? Cuz I ain't repeating it even if I wanted too.

Anyhoo, I think I have mentioned that the spawn have picked up a very watered down version of said issues but I'm too stinking lazy to go back and hunt through old posts to verify this. I'm on the verge of 300 posts and that is just too much back tracking for me.

Hubs claims I'm not helping when I sometimes indulge them in their weird quirky behavior. Hearing this, I fell on the floor from lack of oxygen that all the laughter sucked out of my lungs. Once I regain consciousness, I informed him that if I didn't indulge quirky behavior I never would have married him. This usually shuts him up with a muttered touche thrown in.

And yet he comes back for more.

When the twins were little we noticed that M could not stand anything too soft. I didn't pick up on this because as crazy as my side of the family is, we didn't delved into this muddy pool of weirdom. M refused to use a blanket on his bed because it was too soft. I can't buy them clothes on the fly - they have to feel the stupid fabric before it is approved.

This is usually when I glare at Hubby and said it's from his twisted, non-forking, family tree's gene pool. I'm still waiting to see documentation of proof that the family tree does forks and that his parents aren't cousins or some relation. But he's still waiting to see the DNA testing that they are his parents so something tells me there is a hold up at the lab.

But I digress, as usual. Something tells me this is going to be a loooong post. Might need a snack just to make it through. Be aware of liquids in case they decide to leave your mouth quickly.

On the rare occasion we take the eating machines to whatever fast food place we can afford, I usually grab the straws, tear off the paper at the end, and hold the straw out to the boys thus eliminating them from having to touch the paper.

And people wonder why I home school my kids.

N has ruined many a book because if he has to turn the page he will load his finger up with enough spit to dissolve the page, thinking it will be a force field protecting his finger from the dreaded feel of paper.

I'm not making this crap up.

Thankfully J has none of these issues and usually joins in on the mockery - just quietly so his brothers can't hear him. Smart one he is.

The boys are so thrilled their school work is on computer because - wait for it - no workbooks with gross nasty paper. M has gotten over some of the paper issues as he loves to read and what do you know? Books have paper in them. (Ow! I sprained my eye from rolling them)

N on the other hand will fight to the end. At least until I came up with a brilliant plan. I handed him a pair of grippy gloves - the knit gloves with the little bumps on them. Told him to put them on and then handed him a book. His eyes lit up. Now he doesn't have to touch the paper AND he can easily turn the pages.

Wild E. Coyote - Super Genius. That be me. The look on his face was pure gold.

I so bet my Hubs was a complete dork when he was a child because N and M are him to a tee.

The boy that fought me with every breath in his body of not going to read has been reading a huge novel for two days straight - with the gloves on. Y'all might need to lift up Hubby's tongue in prayer cuz he about bit it off when we told him my brilliant plan. I told Hubs, first person to mock the boy will die a slow and painful death. Dude didn't say anything but the look in his eyes said it all.

And is that not the definition of home schooling? Willing to go to whatever length to get my kids to learn and to get it. God help us all.

So we were sitting at dinner listening to N talk about this book and say what you want, but for this momma that had to fight that snot, it was a proud moment. And then the conversation took a left turn from normal ville to toilet bowl USA.

Proud moment gone. Why does it always have to be at the dinner table?

But it did lead to one of those random why do people say that? The word for today was numb nuts. Meant to be an insult. I sat there and true to form just randomly tossed out why is that an insult? Looking at the guys I asked, "have any of you had numb nuts?" It did take a while to get the no I was expecting because a few people had liquid in their mouths that decided no thanks, I want to leave and proceeded to spray it all over the table.

At least the kids could keep their drinks in their mouths. Just saying. Granted, they about horphed up a lung after choking but they weren't the mess maker.

Once Hubby finished wiping himself off, I asked him if he was ever aware of the feeling of his nuts. By this time J had fallen on the floor from laughter gasping for air. Hubby gave the eyebrow arch of where are you going with this look. I think for a moment he was afraid I was going to ask him to do an experiment.

Which made me wonder... if I were to rub some numbing gel like Oraljel on said nut would it numb it and would he be able to tell? We used vanilla extract as the alcohol would numb tender little gums soooo what if I gave those bad boys an alcohol soak? Sadly, we will never know because Hubby does have that Jedi ninja mind trick and said if I ever tried it he would put a whole bottle of Nair in my shampoo.

Touche, my friend.

Thus proving that the male species is the either the higher life form as he is willing to play dirtier than I am OR that he's a bottom dweller. And I did tell him to stop dwelling near my bottom until the children are not in the room which he did comply. Finally.

I'm not sure who I feel sorry for more - Hubs or the kids because I'm usually like this. Actually we have a lot of laughs and some days that is more than enough. Or maybe it's because I bribe them with baked goods and tell them they have a wonderful life and they can't have another one until they repeat it.

Pays to be a good cook but something tells me I'm never going to win that mother of the year award.

Am I the only one that lost some brain cells over LOST tonight? Because my brain sort of went what the hey? and fizzled out of my ear. I really want to know what happened to Aaron and why did Kate say never ask her what happened to him? Is it just me or as soon as someone says never ask I'm going to raise my hand and ask? After re-reading this post I think it's just me.

And how come everyone agreed to go when three weeks ago they all flipped out and said no, get thee behind me and ran? I spent about 5 minutes yelling run Desmond get out of there until Des left that and I got hit with a pillow by Hubs who said to cork it. Did not see the pilot being the same guy that flew the chopper coming. And did the plan crash and there are now more people? (I say yes because they were running out of random people to kill off. Hubby said they got caught in a flash and thinks only random people the island wants to torment rather than the whole plane.) And why was Jin driving the new van that Hurley used to run over bad guys like forever ago wearing Darma clothes?? Which may back Hubs theory that they got caught in a time flash.

But what was I thinking? Getting answers? From LOST??? Pffft! Whatever.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Don't Mess With Old People

THE SHOE BOX
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.

When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,' she said, 'my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'


LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried.
The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard,' he says.
'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'

FAMILY
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.'
She starts up the stairs and pauses, 'Was I going up the stairs or down?'
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'

'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'
'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'
And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer ....'

LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her night-gown and say 'Supers*x.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supers*x.'
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'

OLD FRIENDS:
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'

SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Ernie, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'
'Heck,' said Ernie, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'


DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.'

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.

So, she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'

Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'



(Thanks Margie)
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,' he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man.

'There's no money in that account.'

'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about my weekend!'


Can ya breathe? I'm still laughing at these! Hope it tickled your funny bone.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Aww Shucks

Y'all seemed to have panicked at the thought of me pulling the plug. Aww shucks, I didn't know you cared. Kidding! Rest assured Hubs still has that ruler and I'm pretty sure he would follow through with his threat.

Hubby and I were discussing the whole blawg thang. While I'm not going to pull the plug - now, I'm a bit concerned we may have to pull the plug on our Internet access. We're looking at what bills we may have to down size - as in not pay. It's not looking pretty. Hubs told me not to panic because everything is going to be okay.

Okay.

I won't mentioned how we were barely making it and were already in trouble on a full paycheck and now it totally sucks but it's going to be okay.

Crickets chirping in back ground.

Yes sirree bob. All going to be, um, okay.

Bites fingers to stop nervous wringing of hands.

Whatever.

We played some dominoes with the guys tonight before The Closer started. I'm starting to think M has wrapped all his emotions in a case of steel - much like his dad. N was right after Hubby who kept slaughtering his train. This made N mad and he wanted revenge but since he plays after Hubs, he just settled for his brothers instead. While J was in tears, M said why would he care about a game but managed to give his brother the nostril flair of doom.

J did have an in your face moment. This started a challenge between the four of them - all while I tried not to pass out from the testosterone over dose.

Although I hope N sleeps with one eye open. Just saying. I could see someone bopping him in the head with a pillow in the middle of the night.

I think we played tonight because they were having a fit how much Hubs and I were playing Wii pool. We've been having a lot of fun with it. Hubby has his shot all planned out and usually makes it while I just serve up slop and make it most of the time. He started calling me Sloppy Jo. I was having the goofiest shots. Cue ball would double kiss a ball into the pocket which we all know I can't plan anything let alone a cool shot like that.

Needless to say, it's so not reality.

But I'm okay with it not being reality. Takes my mind off of other things. Like the stupid laundry. So glad to have a washing machine. I'm a huge fan of clean clothes. Just not a fan of folding the clothes let alone putting it away.

I'm short on hangers and have a tiny closet so shouldn't I just live out of the baskets instead? Hubs said no. Next I suppose he expects me to put away the dishes. My theory is they will stay clean if they hide in the dishwasher thus cutting down on the need to do them in the first place.

Yeah, that didn't fly either.

Hubs was having way too much fun singing the Sloppy Jo song and by the third time of his version, I was ready to bust his bubble. Rather than face the kitchen I decided to wade through the mountain of paper work that I've been successfully ignoring for quite some time now. The pile I was getting 'the look' over. You know that look. The look that says either you take care of it or I will. We know if he touches it, all will be lost and my delicate filing system would be ruined.

Which would make filing our taxes a bit interesting.

Him: "Honey where is such and such?"
Me: "Oh that? That was under that pile somewhere in the basket that was suppose to contain all that stuff."
Him: "So where is it?"
Me: "Well it was there but then you had to go and mess up my system."

Muttering would be heard from across the land.

The sad part was I did find a few things we needed that I thought we were waiting on. Oopsies.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Whatever

Here's to hoping that this week will go better. Much better.

I was all set to pull the plug on my blog and retreat into a hole with no forwarding address. I kept slamming into one snafu after another that I thought why am I doing this? I didn't even place in the contest. I didn't expect to but it was just getting the news at exactly the wrong moment in my emotional stew.

Hubby flat out told me if I touched the delete button he would whack me in the hand with a ruler. He caught me with my hand hovering over the button. Then I had a few people threaten to show up on my doorstep to get the blog live and in person. Since I'm usually in my jammies that would just scare/scar people on levels they just aren't ready for so on with the blog.

Dagnabbit.

I told Hubs that it is rather difficult to blog anything that doesn't sound like "We're doomed!" and it is rather hard to come up with snarkiness when there is no snark to be found. I've been around blogdom to know that there are people facing some serious issues and my batch of crazy is nothing compared to what others are going through.

Yet I still find the need to whine about it.

Hubs also said I need to add my trademark of therapy gone blog to the title. He's really starting to get quite demanding and it's starting to annoy me.

Work had better start picking up soon or someone may need to be medicated. We're still debating who that someone would be. He works one day, home the next, jobs get rescheduled so the full week we thought is back down to hit or miss. This is more drama than what I can handle.

I think I should be drama-ed out. Why can't I have a get out of drama card? Yoohoo, life? Um, there seems to be a mistake here. I've been to crazy and back so I'm thinking I would like to pass this time around, m'kay?

I was just muttering the other day if he picks up one more of Tom Clancy's ginormous novels to devour I was going to whack him in the head with it. My eyes just happened to fall on an interesting article of why more Christians aren't seeing more victory in their lives.

Care to guess?

Strife. The definition is contention, fighting or quarreling; struggle.

As I lowered the book, I wondered if I was experiencing some strife. As I thought about it that pretty much summed up my whole life. It went on to say to repent and then try to make it right as far as you can. Keep the strife out. Be quick to forgive.

Same day - I read a devotional about if I'm not talking to my parents then that isn't going to cut it with God. Say what???

I am so screwed.

I haven't heard anything from either one of them. Totally reinforcing that they only want me around when they want something. I've heard all their stuff was packed up and put in storage by a friend of theirs. She's even gone to see them but I haven't heard a thing.

The fact that it bothered me made me wonder if I like being smacked around verbally or something crazy.

If that wasn't enough - for the first time in a long time my brother was on my mind. Immediately I started bargaining with God because I really do not want to go see him let alone start any communication going on.

Talk about a very fine line!

The whole relationship with my family is a toxic stew. I know I was to put down boundaries and I've had to enforce them all the time I'm around them. I've worked hard not to be bitter. But toss in that strife and that's a whole 'nother ball of wax.

My brother could sell snow to a polar bear. Uses guilt and manipulation as his weapon of choice. The last time I saw him he was telling me how I am so not right with God and was going to face judgement. I heard the same thing from my Mom right before Thanksgiving.

And now things are sucky.

I'm totally creeped out.

How am I suppose to make peace with these people? They think my purpose in life is to be a doormat to their agenda. Which is a good thing I said no or I would be in stripes right now wearing shackled bracelets. And let me tell ya - they ain't comfy nor are they stylish.

That hole to crawl into is sounding really good right about now.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Brick Wall

Ever have one of those weeks where you would like to just do it over or better yet skip to a better week? One that is on the other side so you would know how it all turns out without having to sweat through it would be nice.

Just getting hit with stuff left and right to the point where I feel really raw and totally emotional over everything.

To blog or not to blog about it - that is the question.

While I have no problem discussing anything from my periods from Hades, how whacked out my folks are to just how much I struggle with life, children, and simple things. There is that line where I'm just not sure I even want to say it out loud let alone for all to read and judge.

Leaves for a very blank blog, a judgemental computer screen, and about two journals full of raw emotions that don't seem to have any answers.

I would like to say gosh this stuff is hard, but golly gee we'll pull through by the grace of God. The reality is more like "holy mother of %#&(#@ were are so $%#(*$Q where are you God??? Did you move again without a forwarding address?? Can't we ever get a &*$#@! break??!!"

So mature on my part.

If you were looking for encouragement to lift yourself up and move forward in these difficult times than you came to the wrong blog. Crack open a tube of cookie dough and I'll bawl right along with you. It's 5 o'clock somewhere so close enough.

I feel bad as just a few post ago I had a pretty good post about putting God first and here I am in the throws of this sucks and makes no sense. I don't want the pat on the head, I want answers. It's the lack of answers or direction that leaves me feeling very frustrated. So much so that I want to crawl back in a shell, pull the covers over my head and not come out.

Sort of like a groundhog.

I'll pop out, look around, and say, 'oh $h*! it's cold out here!' and crawl back in and go to sleep. When I wake up it'll be spring. Denial is more than a river in Egypt.

Wow, that is so depressing.

How about I toss out an omg about LOST instead?

Run away if you haven't watched it yet. I've tried to color out the spoilers - we'll see if it works but to be safe don't read any farther. Drag your mouse over the colored parts and you'll see it.

Okay, I am still feeling smug that I knew that Jin wasn't dead. Can I tell you it made my day when Sawyer ran up and hugged him? Yes, I have issues - where have you been?
They brought back the smokey monster but still no explanation as to what it is etc. And why did it snap off the guy's arm and why didn't it attack when they went down to help that guy and did they get that guy out? I'm wondering if they will ever explain it. Hubs and I were coming up with a bunch of little things we've wondered about but not sure if it'll ever get explained. I so hate that!
I so knew Charlotte was on the island before but how creepy that she remembers Daniel? But why did he act like he had no clue what she was talking about? Too bad she died before she could tell him. Does anyone remember when they first announced the fake flight being found and Daniel was some nut job crying?
I think Locke fixing the weird wheel will stop the flashes/time travel but doesn't explain how he dies. I about horphed my dinner when they showed his leg. And thought it was dirty when Ben came in and said that's all I could get for now and she said close enough. Didn't she say a few weeks ago it better be all of them or nothing? It was Jack, Sun, Locke, and Desmond, but did you catch next weeks preview? Looks like Hurley goes along for the ride as well. Wonder if Sun's baby has to go along too?

I wonder if this show will ever make sense. I keep coming back for more as I have to know how it ends!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Political Snark

I think I may need to stop listening to the news. But these are rather funny except there might some truth to it.

BAIL OUT EXPLAINED

Little Johnnie in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.'
Johnnie replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already'
Johnnie said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Johnnie said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!'
Johnnie said, 'Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Johnnie and asked, 'What happened with that dead horse?'
Johnnie said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Johnnie said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Johnnie grew up and now works for the government. He was the one who figured out how to "bail us out".


A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America."
The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America!"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East. I am not American."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"
She says, "No, I am from Africa."
Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."


Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.The new element,Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.


Okay you can boo me for the middle one but the first and third have some element of truth. How spooky. Don't panic, I'm not going to go all Cruella and start fighting the man. Although I think we should hold our own poll on who should run the IRS. What do you think - Mickey Mouse? I bet he paid all of his taxes.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Winter Blues

Mother Nature played a pretty mean trick this weekend. The clouds pulled back to reveal a glorious blue sky with the sun shining. Warm weather blew through the streets melting off a lot of ice which totally and completely teased every one of us with the hope of Spring.

Then reality showed back up.

It's cold. And I heard there is suppose to be a bad thunderstorm later in the week turning over to snow.

Oh snow, how I really hate thee right now.

I have a theory - I think Al Gore got a bunch of fans and blew all the warm weather up here for the weekend to support his claims of global warming. I'm wondering why he hasn't cured the Internet of all it's viruses and what not. Since he invented it and all surely he should be able to fix it, right?

Don't mind me, my brain was on a slight thaw. It was so nice to see that blue sky and to feel that warm breeze blow across my face. And with another storm coming on it's heels it just feels like the blahs rolling right in behind it.

Every February we hit a home school-itis. You look at where you're at and where you need to be. Chances are high they aren't lined up and that makes you feel down. Then you have the kids just don't want to do it leave me alone junk with your own fine I don't feel like doing it either. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

I trudged into church today and then heard person after person is looking at being laid off and facing some up hill battle. It was to the point where I just wanted to slink to the floor. Who knows maybe someone dropped some quarters and I could gather them? Or not.

The biggest thing I see lacking right now is hope. So many unknown questions. So many hurting people and not a darn thing any one of can say or do to help with the situation. Very frustrating!

We were driving home and I was thinking of the song "I lift my eyes up, to the heavens, where does my help come from?" As that song was playing through my head, I looked up and the sun was shining bright with a cloud partially trying to blocking it.

How like life is that? The circumstances try to block out the Light and make everything look dull and grey but the clouds can't block it for long.

Lot of unknowns right now and lots of clouds. Right now I feel like I need to hang on to hope. Spring is just a few more months away - I hope. But regardless of the clouds and what I can see, the sun is still shining.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Time To Make The Doughnuts

I'm sitting here just staring at my computer screen trying to come up with something to blog. Nothing really funny going on, just trying to survive life. Thought I would take this moment to just kick around a little of what God's been challenging me on lately.

Believe me, the list is very long so I'll just pick a few.

A little more than a month ago I was reading where Jesus came to give us life more abundantly. I remember telling God if this is the abundant life then it sucks. Clearly this ain't it and where could I find it? I got to thinking about why I was feeling so down. The more I thought about it the worse I felt. I looked at the to do list and everything had turned into an obligation. It was enough for me to want to crawl back to bed and pull the covers over my head.

I was feeling abundance alright just not in a good way!

I pulled out my trusty, and at this point dusty, journal and just dumped it all out there for God. I felt a huge load being lifted. In my prayer time I felt like my to do list was crowding out my time with God. That spending time with Him was regulated to another check on the list rather than the source that I need. Desperately need.

I was reading in Acts the other day. What jumped out at me was that they served out of their love for God. I had to re-read that a few times. I've felt like I've been dragging through the list - time to make the doughnuts and there has been no joy in that.

I kept thinking about it.

How were they able to handle being in each others mess without getting distracted, to keep their family life in check, and to serve out of their love for God without it being an obligation? Again - they served out of their love for God.

My love-o-meter has been on the dry side. Do I love God - absolutely. Am I receiving God's love - what the heck does that mean? And if I answer a question with a question than I'm thinking the answer is a big ol' no.

What does that mean to you? How do you receive God's love? Do you know, as Romans says, the height, the depth, the width of His love - for you? I don't, at least not fully, or I wouldn't be dragging my face through the oatmeal of life. Sadly, I'm quick to point the finger and I'm constantly asking why and show me first before I move.

So to come back around, to have that abundant life, that peace, all I need to do is receive it. How I receive it will reflect how much time I put in to it. Am I putting Him first? Am I boldly going after it? I have been working on that one! I didn't say successfully but I'm working on it.

I've also found that God's list and my list are two very different things. Again, it comes down to balance. Nothing could be further from my personality. I don't do balance - it's not in my nature!

And oh how interesting the things that want to distract me!

I try to sit and pray but I feel the need to jump up and go shovel the dishes out of the sink. Which is odd as I was neglecting them quite nicely until that very moment. Try to read a (gasp!) non-fiction book and suddenly the dust bunnies mutate into tumbleweeds. And we won't discuss the gang colors the laundry has been sportin' lately because I have no clue what that means.

This makes me rather suspicious of the list when I peer closer at it and it's time that is my nemesis. Time to get it all done.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you." Matt 6:33

I'm trying to tithe my time so to speak. I'm giving Him my first thing in the morning - no matter what time that may be and trusting Him to bless my time whether it's work or play. Found out He told me to play a little bit more, to relax, and stop worrying about stuff.

Who knew the whole spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down had some truth to it? And before we rail on sugar - God made it so nanner nanner.

Oh thank you Lord for the crack known as shug-gah. Although I don't think He meant I can have that in abundance. Unless it's wrapped in chocolate. Hallelujah, Amen!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Pick Me!

There is a blog contest going on. Mabel's Labels is having one and oh my gosh there are not enough words I can use to say just how badly I want to go to the BlogHer '09. So when I saw this contest I thought I would give it a shot.

Answer the question: What have been the rewards and benefits of participating in the blogging community?

Blogging has changed my life as it has forced me to let down some of my walls. I’ve threatened my children to behave better or I’ll blog about it. My husband is patient with me as he knows if I’m honked off chances are it will end up in a blog post. It has been a way for me to keep my sanity while finding others. It has been therapy gone blog.

I discovered blogging while I was going through a lot of depression. I was around people but just felt disconnected. My own life is busy with home schooling and family stuff that anything extra was hard to do let alone finding the time to do it in. I could blog when I had the time rather than try to schedule it in. I started reading what other’s were going through and I didn’t feel so alone.

I’ve met some incredible women that I never would have ‘met’ in real life. I have laughed until I peed myself, cried buckets of tears, cheered for their triumphs, prayed for them when life gave them sorrows or just a hard time. I’ve been moved by their faith in difficult times, felt encouraged to keep going on in my own struggles. I've also been awed by that strong drive to achieve whatever is set before them even if it’s just another casserole dish. I've been inspired on many levels as a mom, a wife, a woman.

I’m honored to have glimpsed into these women’s lives and humbled that they come back to read from my blog. We all laugh and understand when the topic of blogging addiction comes up. If I were to see them in real life I would scream with happiness, hop up and down, and cry all at the same time. Hopefully security won't be alarmed and drag us away.

I have found a family of sorts through blogging. There are times I feel more myself around my blogging friends than the people I see on a regular basis. They get IT which is blogging, as well as they get that part which is me.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Blonde Moments

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bath robe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'


THE PREGNANT BLONDE

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, 'I have some really great news!'
I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so happy.'
She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant.
I knew she'd been trying for awhile so I told her, 'That's great I couldn't be happier for you!'
Then she said, 'There's more.'
I asked, 'What do you mean there's more?'
She said, 'Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!'
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.
She said.... 'Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam's Club and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!


THE VENTRILOQUIST
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: 'I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, 'You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee!'


A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a TGIF tee-shirt.
'Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?'
'Oh Hell! the blonde says. 'I didn't realize it was a religious T-shirt. I thought it meant Tits Go In Front.'

Some people can have all the lights on and still be in the dark ...

Monday, February 2, 2009

I'm Alive!

I think. I have a heartbeat so I guess that is close enough. Speaking of hearts, thought I would put some up for February. Could someone please explain to me how it is February already?

Sorry for being gone. It's really hard to come up with anything to blog about when you just feel plain cruddy. It seems I'm now beyond the give me chocolate or die stage to I want something salty stage. I think it's my body's way of saying I am needing some assistance pah-lease!

Did you know that when you're a bit low on blood supply that cold meds can affect you with twice the punch? Yeah, me neither. Found that out the hard way. I was getting loopy from Tylenol cold. I could either be conscious but not breathe or I could actually breathe through both nostrils only not keep my eyes open.

And cramps while having a coughing fit? Yeah, I don't recommend those either. I was bent over a heating pad trying to cut off the oxygen to my lungs so it wouldn't feel the need to horph itself out of my body. Although I can't say as I blame it, I wanted to leave too. Thankfully, I was able to swallow the lung back down before it could escape.

Since I was juiced up on meds, my brain decided to go on a vacation. I wonder if it was trying to take the lungs? Is this what they mean by having an outer body experience? No? Well, gravy what is my problem?

Don't answer that.

Hubby almost had work but turns out it's not ready yet. So I'm stuck with him for another week. It hasn't been too bad if you over look the needing of an income - it's been great. Wii have been playing, he's organized stuff, and his back has finally quit hurting.

He's helped M with his math which is good because we've both explained ratios as well as finding the lowest common denominator as well as the lowest common multiple about 20 times each. I was getting ready to pick up the book and start whacking when Hubby quickly threw a piece of chocolate into the other room to distract me.

I don't think M realised how close he was to sudden doom.

However, when Hubby tried this trick again this evening, it didn't work. I think I heard him say Ruh-roh Raggie. We must be out of Scooby snacks.

I just found out my cousin is moving out of state in two weeks. I am really bummed. We used to get together to scrapbook. Her sons are in the Marines. I think we're both in shock over it. It made me feel very alone. All my extended family is in Indiana or farther south. Now I feel like the last Mohican.

I've caught some wind that my folks are saying junk about me and a lot of it isn't true. Don't you just love it when a one sided picture is painted? I wanted to defend myself but to what purpose? No one is telling me anything. Very much feels like I'm the one getting cut out of the family picture.

We've been joking around that we aren't a branch off the old tree - we're an acorn that is starting over. I like that one joke - today's mighty oak is yesterdays nut that held its ground.


Oh yeah, I'm a nut all right.