Monday, February 16, 2009

Whatever

Here's to hoping that this week will go better. Much better.

I was all set to pull the plug on my blog and retreat into a hole with no forwarding address. I kept slamming into one snafu after another that I thought why am I doing this? I didn't even place in the contest. I didn't expect to but it was just getting the news at exactly the wrong moment in my emotional stew.

Hubby flat out told me if I touched the delete button he would whack me in the hand with a ruler. He caught me with my hand hovering over the button. Then I had a few people threaten to show up on my doorstep to get the blog live and in person. Since I'm usually in my jammies that would just scare/scar people on levels they just aren't ready for so on with the blog.

Dagnabbit.

I told Hubs that it is rather difficult to blog anything that doesn't sound like "We're doomed!" and it is rather hard to come up with snarkiness when there is no snark to be found. I've been around blogdom to know that there are people facing some serious issues and my batch of crazy is nothing compared to what others are going through.

Yet I still find the need to whine about it.

Hubs also said I need to add my trademark of therapy gone blog to the title. He's really starting to get quite demanding and it's starting to annoy me.

Work had better start picking up soon or someone may need to be medicated. We're still debating who that someone would be. He works one day, home the next, jobs get rescheduled so the full week we thought is back down to hit or miss. This is more drama than what I can handle.

I think I should be drama-ed out. Why can't I have a get out of drama card? Yoohoo, life? Um, there seems to be a mistake here. I've been to crazy and back so I'm thinking I would like to pass this time around, m'kay?

I was just muttering the other day if he picks up one more of Tom Clancy's ginormous novels to devour I was going to whack him in the head with it. My eyes just happened to fall on an interesting article of why more Christians aren't seeing more victory in their lives.

Care to guess?

Strife. The definition is contention, fighting or quarreling; struggle.

As I lowered the book, I wondered if I was experiencing some strife. As I thought about it that pretty much summed up my whole life. It went on to say to repent and then try to make it right as far as you can. Keep the strife out. Be quick to forgive.

Same day - I read a devotional about if I'm not talking to my parents then that isn't going to cut it with God. Say what???

I am so screwed.

I haven't heard anything from either one of them. Totally reinforcing that they only want me around when they want something. I've heard all their stuff was packed up and put in storage by a friend of theirs. She's even gone to see them but I haven't heard a thing.

The fact that it bothered me made me wonder if I like being smacked around verbally or something crazy.

If that wasn't enough - for the first time in a long time my brother was on my mind. Immediately I started bargaining with God because I really do not want to go see him let alone start any communication going on.

Talk about a very fine line!

The whole relationship with my family is a toxic stew. I know I was to put down boundaries and I've had to enforce them all the time I'm around them. I've worked hard not to be bitter. But toss in that strife and that's a whole 'nother ball of wax.

My brother could sell snow to a polar bear. Uses guilt and manipulation as his weapon of choice. The last time I saw him he was telling me how I am so not right with God and was going to face judgement. I heard the same thing from my Mom right before Thanksgiving.

And now things are sucky.

I'm totally creeped out.

How am I suppose to make peace with these people? They think my purpose in life is to be a doormat to their agenda. Which is a good thing I said no or I would be in stripes right now wearing shackled bracelets. And let me tell ya - they ain't comfy nor are they stylish.

That hole to crawl into is sounding really good right about now.

9 comments:

bermudabluez said...

Sending some hugs your way along with some blessings. Hope things start looking up soon for you!! And that's why we all have blogs...so we can whine when we want to...or when we need to ... to prevent us from being medicated!!

Kaye Butler said...

I can't tell you what to do about the family. I don't speak to my mother.

I can tell you this. Yesterday, the message was Christianity is fulfilling and difficult. We as Christians struggle everyday. God has his hand on us more during the hard times, guiding us in what to do. Difficulty molds us into the people we are today.

Hang in there.

Oh, YOU SO BETTER NOT PULL THE PLUG.

grandmamargie said...

This blog is life support but You. can. not. pull. the. plug. You will come through this. Anyone who cares as much about pleasing God as you do, God is going to take care of. He takes care of the birds and flowers. He'll take care of you too. As far as the family goes, pray and go with what your heart tells you. And you can love from a distance.

Sarah said...

Hugs!

You CAN NOT pull the plug. There would be moaning and gnashing of teeth. ;)

Seriously - I like your blog. Leave it alone, woman!

Kerri said...

God says as far as it goes with you, live at peace with everyone. If they can't live at peace with you, you ask another Christian (you've gotten plenty of opinions on your situation from Christians), then go to a pastor about it. If the other party still refuses to live at peace, GOD says,, have nothing to do with them. I dont' care what devotional your reading, you can't just use a blanket statement that if you're not talking to your parents your relationship with God is hindered. What if your parents are satanists?? Come on. I think you're doing the right thing. If they bring an olive branch, and prove themselves trustworthy, fine. But they havne't.

Kerri said...

Oh, and no pulling the plug. I know where you live.. : )

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I think you need the blog as your therapy. Don't pull out. If you need a break, just take one.

Julie said...

Two thoughts:

1) Your mom says that you're not right with God? ... Weird how SHE'S the one in jail. *rolls eyes*

2) PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't delete your blog!!!!

jubilee said...

Um, yeah, pulling the plug is out of the question. End of discussion.