The Cowboy Boots
(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this.)
Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?
He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.' She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'
She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?', like she wanted to.
Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, 'They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em.'
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?' He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'
She will be eligible for parole in three years.
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while he dad gets his hair cut, while eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, ‘Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.’
She says, ‘Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs, too.’
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read "…and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, the sky is falling!"
The teacher then asked the class, "And what do you think the farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said, holy sh*t! A talking chicken!"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.'
'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'
You're welcome. Belly laughs count as extra ab work.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Cowboy Boots