Thursday, April 30, 2009

4 Dudes and 1 Wuss

The subject of movies has been coming up a lot lately here in bugville. The new X-men movie is coming out and all four guys are just a buzzing about this. And I mean they are bugging the living snot out of me. Every few seconds they'll all look at each other and just tell each other how excited they are and have an one going count down of how many days until it comes out.

Today was just a hoot and a half. I thought they were going to start body checking each other.

I am surrounded by testosterone. I bet you this is why my uterus is going wonky. It can't remember what estrogen is like. No joke, aunt flow showed up for two days and gave up! I bet it's waiting cuz it just knows my in-laws are coming up next week. That's always a pleasant time to have an emotional meltdown.

I am so frustrated with all of this it's not funny. First thing I said to Hubby today was why do I even have a uterus? I think he was afraid to come home for a second.

I've noticed all of our movie choices usually involves some form of explosion lately. The other night we were going to sit down and watch a movie. Trouble was we couldn't agree on a single movie to watch. The older two are constantly wanting to see movies that are older. So much so that they even agreed to watch both Father of the Bride 1 and 2.

Light bulb moment! I bet this is where N thought pampering involved painting toe nails. Behold the power of the movie! I'm thinking I need to amp up their chick flick exposure.

How sad is this? We now look to see what is it rated for and we're happy if it's just violence. Adult situations? No! Massive violence? Okay. Such a proud moment.

When I was growing up, my folks took us to see lots of movies. I was seeing R rated movies by the time I was the twins age. Suddenly my potty mouth makes a lot of sense right now.

We had one rule - no horror flicks. I was okay with this for two reasons. One, I've seen people get delivered from demonic influences and had no desire to watch this on a large screen in a dark room. Two, as I've said, I am a total wuss when it comes to blood, guts, and gore. This was a rule I was totally in favor of and enforced even when adults weren't around. Much to the angst of my brother because I was such a narc.

I think the guys were watching Ultimate Warrior the other night and there were a few scenes I wasn't able to watch. My soon to be 10 year old was my spotter on when it was safe to look. Bones is another show that the first 10 minutes is rather gruesome and again I usually have to have a spotter.

However, just about every single movie out there has something in it that doesn't need to be. It didn't add to the story, didn't have something critical to the character unless you really wanted to drive home the fact that 5 dollars would get you far with the chick. Usually one look and you could figure it out. To have it shown in detail is rather frustrating as a parent.

I saw a lot of movies I really shouldn't have watched growing up. I made sure I didn't do that to my kids. But as they are approaching the higher age I find it to be more difficult. They can handle it but I'm not sure about J. I say no to error on the side of caution.

The funny thing about all of it is Hubby has to keep reminding me that they are boys and what I would freak out over isn't going to phase them. He has been proven right on several occasions.

Such a fine line. The teenager thing is a different beast entirely. Especially boys. If I tell them no there is language and violence it's like I'm insulting their manhood. If I tell them there are kissing scenes that would make them turn a deep shade of red they shake my hand for saving them. This leaves the blood, guts, and explosions to watch.

We're all going to see the new X-Men. The guys are all pumped. They have been talking about this movie for months. The good news is they haven't been talking about Bionicles for a long time. But I did notice that Star Wars and Legos seem to be back on the front burner.

I think my ovaries may have committed suicide.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Truth - Ouch

They say Truth sets you free. So what do you do when you get knock upside the head - repeatedly - with truth? To be truthful, my flesh would like to go screaming in the other direction.

I heard a good word Saturday night but it was a hard word. While studying about being a mature Christian, we came to how we are to be about reconciliation. An example was given about being wronged, able to forgive the person, but the relationship is severed not restored.

Ruh-roh.
Couldn't you just hear me squirming in my seat?

I was able to talk with Pastor Dave, thanks to Kerri. I'm really glad she had the boldness to call it on the spot a question regarding my folks. He was able to answer a lot of questions for me I was really wrestling with. For example, with all my joking around about the rapture and all, I was wondering if my parents would go or not. He reassured me that they are confessing believers therefore their salvation isn't in question.

He did say they are not to be allowed in our home, and answered a few other questions for me that really put my mind at ease. But he did tell me I need to love them and try to get them to focus on a relationship that doesn't have the whole tax issue. Agree to disagree.

Hubs had to jump in and say we've tried that for a year and they will not let it go. Just hearing have a relationship with them about caused me to flinch.

He did speak some powerful truth but it was a painful truth on reconciliation that expose some stuff about myself.

I was on the phone with Margie a few weeks ago and we were talking about my folks. Something she said had been jumping out at me. She said I need to make sure I'm honoring my folks. That sort of raised a question in my head. Kerri asked my folks' names and I made a crack about Cruella. Very lovingly, the Pastor said right there is step one. Stop calling her Cruella.

Oh snap!

I had felt that while I was talking with Margie. It wasn't very honoring to call them Cruella DeVil and Howard the Coward but I blew it off.

He said my next step is to get her a card and put in it thinking of you and praying for you - love you.

Double snap!

With a doh! thrown in for good measure.

I almost said if you met her you would understand but the bottom line was I wanted off the hook. Come down off my high horse? Don't think so.

And let me tell you, I have got my hiney spanked all through the Word on the subject. Nothing like God laying out all my sarcasm to show me how my humor was biting me in the butt. I will tell a joke or say something stupid rather than press in on the painful issue. Did you know God is not impressed with a knock knock joke especially if you're using it to avoid a hard thing? Go figure.

I have made many a joke where there needs to be a dark side of Hallmark cards - cutting but on the light side with a touch of snarky. The whole Mother you were always there for me makes me want to shred every pieces of paper. And then light them on fire.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Pastor Dave did say I've been orphaned. Oh, he's good y'all. I'm reading the O'Malley series where they were orphaned but chose each other and legally changed their name. They are there for each other and oh how it has pounded home the fact that my family has not been there for me - ever.

And I mean ever. I could list a lot of important areas where they were a no show on the subject. So to hear I need to try and focus on a relationship with them - I'm having a hard time looking beyond all the hurt and disappointment. There were good times but now I feel like it was all a lie.

God had been dragging leading me through a lot of scriptures on forgiving. What really stinks is I've been down this road before. I had God make me pray for someone every single day for a looong time to help me get over the offense. Would wake me up in the middle of the night just to pray for that person. Several times a day. Talk about your kill joy.

To see this road - again - was very much like circling the desert for 40 years. Here?? AGAIN?? Oh, heck no!! I know I've seen that mountain before. That rock looks really familiar to me.

Dad tried calling twice on Monday. I spent all day Monday just praying and praying. I was battling it and finally said I don't want reconciliation with my parents. Okay God go ahead and smote me. Or is that smite?

I waited a few minutes and I didn't smell anything burning so I opened my eyes to discover I'm still here.

There is more to the lesson that we'll be covering over a few more weeks. I'm looking forward to it but a tad bit leery.

I was whining to Kerri today that it's rather annoying when God asks me to extend the olive branch - like when I apologized for selling their dishes. I know I didn't do anything wrong so why am I bending over backwards? Kerri told me that I'm storing up treasures in heaven.

Dagnabbit. Way to go all practical on me. ;)

I sat down to write a letter to my Dad and the first draft was still too raw and just bitter. That isn't what I want to send. I don't want it long winded but I want to get my point across. Another part in the lesson was "I don't want to be right: I want to be true to God's Word."

Did I mention I'm sort of leery of next weeks lesson? Because when I sat down and read my bible and used it to examine myself and my motives - holy cow I want to be right. And if God's Word backs me up - excellent! Double the points.

I had to sit there for a bit as I wondered how in the world did I get to that point? Joyce Meyer had a devotional about pride wants to be right. She said that there are some people that are so full of pride that they get almost violent when you disagreed with them. That is my Mom's behavior spot on.

Battle of the flesh? Oh, it.is.on!

I'm still not there yet on what to do next. I have a feeling God isn't going to let me off the hook nor is He going to give me the 12 step program either.

My Dad is still calling twice a day. Clearly he wants some type of relationship with me. But I've been down this road before. When he is away from my Mom, he just tells me what I want to hear. I've watched a lot of promises get broken over this last year. I don't want reconciliation with that. And I know that sometimes reconciliation isn't possible. Dad said he's at peace with where he is at and what he's doing so they aren't planning on changing any time soon.

This is rather raw for me. You have no idea how bad I want to hang on to my justification of what they did wrong and how they wronged me to keep them at arms length.

Forgive them? Fiiiine (said threw gritted teeth). Love them? What, with a brick?

At this stage in the game I don't see reconciliation happening. But I was encouraged to at least do everything on my end to be blameless before God.

I'm starting to wonder if there is a Proverb for Truth - kicks you in the gut but picks you back up and points you in the direction to go.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Oh The Horror

Aunt Flow is not doing me any favors right now. I have been craving these jalapeno Doritos chips lately but I’m such a wimp on the spicy stuff I have to have a glass of milk to put the fire out in my mouth. All while being mocked by Hubs who I don't think has taste buds anymore.

To add insult to injury I haven’t wanted chocolate. Instead I want salty stuff but find my feet are swelling even as I type this.

I discovered that I’m low on the stuff one needs to survive with dear auntie. It’s another week away to grocery shop so this means I have to go into the store just for the stuff. Oh could we have a price check on it while we’re at too?

I have no idea when I’m suppose to go do this. Plus it is so much fun to drag three boys into a store. For some reason they think it's all about them and what they can get. Maybe I should go bra shopping while I’m at it. That will make for a fun trek.

The worst part is I think I am growing an alien on my chin. It’s either that or a really big zit. I pressed on it and the force that shot the puss out of my pore about broke the mirror. Sadly, it hasn’t gone away. Matter of fact, it has its own pulse. I think it said it was going to make me an offer I couldn’t refuse. I just hope it doesn’t decided to join my feet in the swelling department. If it does double in size I may have to name it Vinnie.

I was complaining about this when I noticed the boys have me beat in what I call a large zit. M had one on his nose that almost needed it’s own zip code. I wish I were kidding. N had a nasty one in the corner of his nose and that was a doozy to try and get at.

What a fun bonding experience - zits.

I saw pictures of Hubby at this age and lets just say woof. Thankfully he out grew that fugly duckling stage. But I did notice Hubs had some nasty zits that looked like angry islands roaming around on his face. It’s looking like the boys are following along that same oily, clogged, pore road.

What I want to know is why am I at the stage where I have to still battle zits but also wrinkles? Did I loose a bet with someone and wasn’t aware of it?? So, so wrong on so many levels.

I was complaining to Hubs about this and told him I need some new potion that would make all my skin woes go away. He said what I have now dubbed as a cheap man’s way out of it – but you look beautiful just the way you are. Yeah, okay cheap-o, I'm on to this ploy.

Since I have to go to the store, I'm rather tempted to wonder over to the lane of false promises. Where else can you find promises of clearer skin, minimized pores, less wrinkles all with the bow-chica-bow-wow eyes to boot in one place?

The health and beauty department. Like any of that junk is actually healthy for you skin. Here smear this chemical on your face and after it lifts your second chin off your chest you'll look years younger. Of course, your skin will break out as it tries to breathe through all that junk but hey you got those bedroom eyes going on.

I don't think this is going to happen any time soon. M wasn't feeling very well. He had a slight fever and didn't feel like eating. That was a sign - these guys think eating is a hobby. It didn't help that N kept asking him if he thought he had swine flu. Hilarious child. We're not exactly sure where he got it from.

Wha? I can type that with a straight face.

Dude took this ball and ran with it for all he was worth. M was too out of it to tell his brother off but I have a feeling that there will be paybacks.

Let the games begin!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Well I'm Spent

Here I sit looking at my blog. It's rather irked with me. I would have blogged last night but I was on the phone with my MIL until 2:30 am. After that my brain was just mush. And one really shouldn't blog with a brain full of mush.

Blogging responsibly - the new craze.

Believe me, you should be grateful. My emotions were like a limp cloth that came out of the spin cycle. They have been all over the place with different situations. I came home from church fully at peace but fully spent. After lunch I crashed HARD. Slept like I hadn't slept in weeks.

I got up this morning only to discover that the cleaning fairies yet again blew me off. I am so reporting them to the special helpers league. They could help the cobbler while he was sleeping but couldn't load my dishwasher??? How rude!

It took me awhile but the dishwasher is humming right along. I can now see the counter top. I then go upstairs and my laundry leap out behind the door and tackled me. Rubbed my nose in some stanky laundry to boot. I thought for sure I just got a bunch of laundry done. I did - the kids' laundry. Now it's time to tackle mine.

While I was battling the evil forces of stinky clothes, I remembered when I was growing up we had a laundry chute. Everyone had to dump all their clothes down the chute and then magically clean, folded clothes would appear in baskets. I remember both my brother and I lived out of the baskets until we got busted and mom went bazerk.

Then she made me get in on the laundry magic - I had to sort all the dirty clothes down in the basement. That was not fun. But I think it helped prepare me for having life with boys. It's a smelly job but someone's got to do it.

Now if I could just find that darn fairy....

I remember when the boys were babies, we had to wash their clothes separate from ours as they needed special detergent. They still do but we just all went to dye free, scent free stuff. But I still wash our clothes separate! There are some things like light colors I'll wash with my stuff but that is it.

While I was upstairs doing some mad ninja moves to wrestle the clothes into baskets, I noticed some stray Lego pieces decided to come watch this poetry in motion. On further inspection I found out the guys totally trashed their room with Legos. The toy room is littered with bionicle pieces while their room is now covered in Legos.

The throbbing vein in my head should come down shortly. The bulge that was in my neck has already gone back to normal. I think my coloring is back to my own brand of pasty white. Oh yes, it is a Monday.

Oh look! Aunt flo decided to show up for a visit. Mercy! I better find some chocolate to keep that chick in line pronto!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Better Late Than Never

My MIL sent me this story today and I really liked it. And because it is me, I tagged on a couple jokes so it didn't stand alone. Have a happy Friday!

Mouse Story ...

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package."What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning."There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you but it is of no consequence to me.
I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap-- alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife.

The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness. So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

REMEMBER:
Each of us is a vital thread in another person's tapestry; our lives are woven together for a reason and a season. One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a friend.

Switch gears...

What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife, Ann, listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.'

He then addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?'

Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered, 'Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?'

And thus began Walter's life of celibacy.


(Thanks Margie!)
A woman in her fifties is at home, unclothed, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks: "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the brea$ts of a 20 year-old."

The husband replies: "Well what did he say about your 55-year old a$$?"

She replied….."Your name never came up!"

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Guess What I Discovered?

Teenagers are hilarious! All day today, I was ready to tie them up and beat them with a pillow but couldn't because I was cracking up laughing.

For example, the subject of Mother's day came up. N informed me that he wasn't about to pamper me in any way shape or form. Okay. I asked didn't he think I deserved to be pampered? He looked right at me and said, "I don't do nails. I'm not going to paint your toe nails even if you paid me."

It took me a good 5 minutes to stop laughing. I have no idea where that came from and I'm not really sure I want to know. He got mad that I laughed so then went off about why should he have to devote a whole day to me.

Yes, how stupid of me to think that for one day the world didn't revolve around him. Whatever was I thinking?


Something tells me that one is going to eat a lot of humble pie in his time.

Later in the day the guys were playing a video game together. They had this brilliant plan to plug in their MP3s together and sing together and try to find a harmony.

They are actually pretty good once they find it the right spot but they are VERY loud. Hubby has some pipes. Dude is on the worship team and a lot of times has to have the microphone far away from his mouth. The boys have Hubs pipes but have you ever heard a 13 year old sing? Every now and then that darn voice will slip and oh my word, I about wet myself from laughing so hard. Sounded like a puppy that let out a loud yelp.

How J keeps a straight face with them I will never know. That boy has got some serious survival skills!

Then they got to trash talking about who had the better move on the video game. Some of the come backs were pretty impressive. "I laughed, I cried, and wanted to come back for more."

At least until they started directing that snark towards me later in the evening.

We went grocery shopping and the whole time N was totally mocking me that we were going to miss LOST. I wasn't happy about missing the show but figured I would read the highlights online and see if they'll show it early next week before the new one. But it absolutely tickled him that we were going to miss it.

He wouldn't stop rubbing it in. I looked at him and asked if this was payback for all the times we've made him miss Mythbusters as the shows come on at the same time. He nodded his head with that gleam in his eyes.

It was funny at first, but then he kept pushing it and pushing it. M - wise beyond his years - saw the warning signals looong before his twin and started telling his brother he better knock it off. N was not to be denied and kept at it.

You would think he would have learned a few lessons by now. Seems he's bent to have his lesson learned once he's dropped kicked, repeatedly, through the goal post. I, at least, learn once I land flat on my face. That one? Not so much.

A friend of mine told me one time that teenage boys is like living with two roosters. Roosters will try and get the hens to do what they think they need to do and will fight other roosters. My little rooster in training was pecking at this hen and about got his butt fried.

I don't know how many times he gave me that look. All I can tell you is he did it one too many times and Momma had had enough. I got up right in his face and deflated that balloon. As there was a slight pause in the moment, M said very quietly in his low voice - told you so.

Glares were exchanged. Scowls were present and teenager angst was in full bloom. At least until N's stop-watch beeped that the show was over. That smug look on his face really was priceless. Part of me wanted to smack it right off. It took every ounce of his strength not to say one word. He looked like he was going to loose it for a second but M pulled him back with one raised eye-brow and a slightly tilted head.

M is the most like Hubs. He is the calm one while N has a lethal combination of Hubs stubbornness and, God help him, my mouth. Three things keep him in check. When I fully loose it and the wrath of mom shows up, his Dad's strong rebuke, and his twin's look of warning. They don't cross the Dad. Me, on the other hand, has found out that boys have a favorite hobby - see how many grey hairs they can produce on their mom's head.

That male ego is such a fragile thing and more so as a teenager. One minute they are full of it and then next a whipped puppy.

I had to laugh though, while we were going through wally world I noticed their mood change rather quickly and M was walking around like he had this wide chest and his arms were set in a ready position to take on anything. N was just sort of strutting along rather cocky and J was in his own little world using his jacket like it was a parachute.

One second they're irked then the next second, whoosh out goes the nasty tude and in comes in a heymomyourthebestandIforgottoaskyouif blah, blah,blah.

What's faster than a speeding bullet? It's a teenager's mood!! I thought I had hormone issues. Pah-lease! I have now discovered the reason why I'm all over the place is that I'm just trying to recover from the teen whirlwinds.

Speaking of teenager - MaryMargret is having a scripture challenge.

Photobucket
She was talking smack about old people using Twitter.
Eccl 11:9-10 "Rejoice, O young man, in your adolescence, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth; Walk in the ways of your heart, and in the sight of your eyes; But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgement. Therefore remove [the lusts that end in] sorrow and vexation from your heart and mind, and put away evil from your body, for childhood and youth are vanity."
Joanna translation - seek after God while you're still young. Store Him in your heart and protect your heart for it is your life. Stay away from evil as it ends in sorrow but youth thinks it knows everything while us old ladies have been there, done that. ;)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Sigh

Well, it's with a heavy heart that I finally crack open some issues at hand. There has been some issues that have been going on at our church. Strangely it's nothing I can put my finger on. There isn't well this one problem so... But after months of praying neither myself or Hubs can come up with any type of solution.

I've heard if you aren't part of the solution than you are part of the problem. And the problem for us is that our hearts are no longer at the church we have attended. What is worse the outcome isn't looking too bright either. We have invested a lot at that church for many years and have served in a lot of areas. We have found friendships that will last into eternity. It is heartbreaking to see it come down to this.

I can honestly say we're not mad at anyone there. I truly hope that we can continue on with our friendships. My brotha from anotha motha is NOT getting off the hook. I will hunt him down and torment him and his wife. (I'm sure I still have some old Y2K toilet paper floating around I could put to good use.)

I'm kidding - on the toilet paper part. I know where you live. You can't ignore me as I still have pictures from last summer's pool party. (insert evil cackle)

I never did come up with some name for John. I will have to work on that one and I'm sure Jen will have a few suggestions.

*Sigh*

It really does make me sad. And I know I personally have been wrestling with this for a lot of months and it has soooo killed the bloggin mojo to boot. Hubs has prayed a lot himself. He said he doesn't want to get into any strife. The division is so thick that he can't go another week. We've had lots of discussions with the kids. They have all felt that God was saying it's time to go.

The message we heard Sunday was confirming it and even tonight the pastor shared some stuff that further confirmed it to the point where God was saying, "Are ya coming?"

Hubs said this Sunday is our last Sunday there. I had to hide in a corner cuz I was not going to cry in front of Carl. I hate crying in front of other people but that was just a level I wasn't ready to go to.

On the way home I noticed a weight was off everyone's shoulders. I also know this has been the reason why the boys have been acting out lately. There has just been tension all around that has settled in and I could see what was behind the boys' behavior. With all the ups and downs we had with Hubs being unemployed, the church issues didn't help.

While it's sad, I know God is doing something new. I felt peace just settled over us in our van on our drive home.

And it was nice.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Doh!

Yes, I am running behind schedule. I have a few good reasons for it. One being we thought the monitor on one of our computers died. Couldn't do school stuff today cuz it's sort of hard to work a computer if you can't see what you are doing. Turns out the cord was knocked loose.

And there was rejoicing in the land - from the parents - while there was a great deal of tears - from the children.

Part of me is rather suspicious of this especially since N was in the middle of an English quiz. A quiz that wasn't going so well. He was a bit happy when I had to pull the plug thinking his score would be wiped clean. Boy isn't he going to be ticked off when he finds out that it saved everything and he didn't get out of anything? I'm already feeling giddy about it.

Let me tell you, those boys have pushed every last button I have on this whole homeschooling thing lately. I've said last year was awful with N while M sailed through it all. They rotated this year. But now the N with an attitude decided to show up again.

Dagnabbit.

I was looking at school stuff for next year and that is just depressing. Not only is it a bit overwhelming to pick out school stuff, but it's also hard to sit there and wonder what is going to get them to actually do it so I'm not going to have to fight every stinking day? Not to mention gosh what can I afford?

The kicker is they want to home school. When they get on something they like they are all over it. However the English terms and junk is enough to cause me them to go screaming out the door.

They say that girls will have their cycles in line with their mom. Sadly, my boys are showing a cycle like mine - all over the place with no rhyme or reason. Hubs asked how I was doing today and I said I feel like I've had two weeks worth of PMS and nothing to show for it.

And holy smokes we are busy. I have been getting behind on reading blogs and checking up with people not to mention all the other stuff. My cousin sent me an email asking if I was in the land of the living. I emailed back how about the land of the busy?

There has been just some junk to work through on top of it. Do you ever find that when something sort of comes up and you are working on it that suddenly everything in life goes crazy to try and distract you from it? Just me? Well, that is soo going on!

I've been making some progress with God on trusting Him to provide and I'm doing good then the next thing I know three days has gone by with no time with God and then I'm faced with a bill or something and I freak out.

One step forward, three backwards.

For example, not only am I frustrated over school stuff but J's b-day is coming up. Yet again I feel like dude is getting the short end of the stick. My folks were able to get the older boys something and even though they are a pain, J has always been the most forgiving. Here is another birthday that they aren't around. I want to do a lot for him and Hubs is having to jerk my chain a bit.


He's turning 10. I'm so in denial.

I told Hubs what all I was thinking about doing and got the hairy eyeball of no. I feel bad for him. My folks have just pooped all over this kid. His older brothers get a lot more attention and I feel bad so I want to make it extra special. And what do I do? Throw a hissy fit with God of why can't You just make life a bit easier rather than focusing on those scriptures and focusing on God and what He has said.


I'm letting my emotions roll with the situation rather than tell the situation AND the emotions what God's Word says and to have peace and not let my heart to be troubled.

I think I need to get a Sharpie and write that on my arm! Especially with the in-laws coming in for a visit, a crazy schedule that needs to be cut back, and to get caught up on everything. My Dad always said, "Prior planning prevents piss poor performance". I've heard that my whole life. Yet no one told me that life has a way of messing with all that prior planning.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Note To Self - Clean This Pig Pen

Please tell me I'm not the only person floating out there that hasn't had life sneak up behind you and say boo! Anyone? Anyone at all? Show of hands?

Crickets chirping

Dang it really is just me, isn't it? (hangs head)

It seems that we've been on the go a lot lately and things around the house have uh, well lets just say, I've been slacking in the cleaning department. Yes, I did clean all those cookie sheets but that was because I needed to use them and there were none clean. And there were none that could have pulled the twice upon a cooking time either.

Don't look at me all innocent like. Who hasn't been there? 'Crud, need to toss this in the oven or the natives are going to go bazerk.' (Scraps cookie sheet with spatula) 'Yeah, that'll do.'

I think I've had a that'll do for the whole house as I've raced all over the place to get things done. Trouble is the place is now a disaster! Don't come knock on my door cuz I won't answer it. I will claim we've been quarantined.

We've been going through boxes upon boxes of random junk and have been donating things like crazy. Last week it was old toys. It was a sad moment of self-reflection when I was willing to get into an argument with Hubs over Rescue Hero toys.

I'm not exactly sure what this self-reflection revealed other than I'm still attached to old toys for what they represent.

We have three LARGE bins full of them. Do the kids play with them? Not any more but back in the day, these toys were the favs. I really have no idea how we ended up with so many. Personally, I think that Wendy Waters got around cuz holy smokes we had a mess load. I'm starting to think some toys got busy when the lights were off. Just saying...

Hubs wanted to donate all of them and I said NO. We agreed to one bin. He even cleaned them up and I think I heard him telling each and every one of them to go make some other kids happy far, far away from him. I bet if it were his Legos it would have been a whole other story. I'm just glad he forgot about all the Mr. Potato Heads we have that are rotting away in the basement.

I really need to go through the clothes too. J got dressed this morning and had a bit of a struggle to find a short sleeve shirt that would fit. I just did his jean draw. Dude was still wearing size 7 jeans when he can fit into a size 10. Trouble is he's so skinny that I had to pull those adjustable straps for all they were worth to get those pants to stay up.

But there are piles of just crap everywhere. We had a box of kitchen stuff that was my brother's - lots of pots I have no idea what to do with. But this huge box is sitting on my couch - my laundry folding couch. Doesn't help that there are laundry baskets waiting to be folded sitting near by sighing a rather loud mocking sigh.

Luckily, I can tune that out.

Then there is the ironing board that is out right behind me. I left it out cuz Hubs needs some patches ironed on his work pants. The pants that I still haven't put in the wash to clean first. Those pants.

The sweeper is still down here rather than upstairs. At this rate, I might as well sweep again. My winter coat is still on the chair where I tossed it - last week. There are tons of nasty towels I need to wash that we had to use to clean upstairs where the ceiling was leaking. I still have a lot of the laundry to do.

And the books. I lurv me some good books. But as you can guess I have the attention span of a gnat. So I'll pick up a book like how to be a better person in 12 easy steps, spend less money with these quick tips, how to use less sarcasm and find inner peace.

I made it to page 6 on all 3 books. This leaves piles of books just sitting around mocking my failure at reading.

But I'm reading Dee Henderson's O'Malley series - again - and I can't put them down.

Suddenly my house's condition all makes sense now. I'll get right on that as soon as I finish this next chapter.....

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Everything But The Kitchen Sink

So how's the weather where you are at? Thankfully it didn't rain today as we found out our ceiling decided to spring a leak. Thankfully it stopped pouring down and so far it hasn't collapsed - yet. But it's been a big ol mess.

When we first bought our house, it was a dump. Matter of fact, we called the house T.O.D. as it stood for This Old Dump.

While we've come a long way there is still a long way to go. Hubs says he can patch it until it's warmer out and then fix it. Now if only he could remember where he hid the map to the buried treasure we would be all set.

I was watching the news and had to chuckle at all the Tea Parties protesting the taxes that the Obama administration is passing. I think theses were all the same people that gushed that Mr. O was going to save us, solve all the problems, end hunger, and grant world peace. Guess they got a look at the price tag.

Read my lips: fine print. It's a lot like marriage - you found out after the fact. I'm suppose to do what??? I think Hubs decided at a young age that laundry sucks so therefore to get out of doing it, he needed a wife. And I fell for it.

Today was a day where we had no where to go. Nothing during the day or the evening. And there was much rejoicing in the land cuz we were on the last pair of undies. It was mandatory pj day with snarly undies and a sports bra.

I was working it!

That cat looked better than I did. I bet she didn't have to do the dishes. Well let me rethink, she did the dishes and had a snack all at the same time. Now that's what I call multitasking.

Since I was looking oh so nasty, I thought I would tackle cleaning all the cookie sheets. When they are all clean I usually think we have waay too many. Then use one, just one, and next thing you know there is a leaning tower of metal pans ready to take out your children. Mom, where's the aaahhhhh!! (crash, bang, boom!)

(Me at the computer) What did you do now? Is there any blood? Walk it off and clean up your mess.

You can almost hear the Chariots of Fire theme music in the back ground as I make the final pass to that snarky mom's award. I read somewhere we're suppose to be running a race or something like that.

Speaking of reading things, you would not believe the letters I have been getting from my Dad. One would think dude would get the hint but clearly I was wrong. I think he mixed up the definition of stubborn to annoying donkey. He has called three times a day at different hours. His last letter said either he's had bad timing or I don't want to talk to him.

Do tell, genius. However did you come to this conclusion? I shall lie down in the presence of super mental powers.

According to his letter, my mom has decided that she's mad so doesn't want to talk to me anymore if I'm going to be this way. I told Hubs I savored the fact that he admitted she's mad, but he sort of burst that bubble when he said, 'as in upset not mentally out of it'.

Dabnabbit! I thought this was a confession.

He will be released Dec. 28, then to a halfway house for 30 days. And there was rejoicing in the land that my holiday AND b-day shall be protected. Bit tired of them pooping on my Christmas. I guess this means when they are out, they're out and no more supervised visits etc. They'll be free and clear.

Talk about taking your tax protest a wee bit too far.

Letter goes on and on about how he's at peace with the direction God has them on, how his blood pressure is doing, that he's in the same unit as he was last time, what books he's been reading and would like to talk to me.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

He did say he took offense at something I said the last time we talked and wants to talk about it on the phone. I wanted to tell him to take a number and get in line but for $15 for 7 minutes I think I'll pass. I will have to find new and improved ways of causing him to take offense at me.

I'm kidding but at the same time rather ticked off at the darn gall he has about the whole ordeal.

So right now what we have here is a battle of wills. I know that he is calling me at all stinking hours of the day to wear me down. However he has overlooked a major flaw. I'm his spawn and I have some Cruella floating around in there. Usually I can keep her quiet with some cookies but I think I may release the beast and write him back.

I did tell Hubs that I feel if I respond to the letter, I loose. I feel like he's taunting me into a debate, a conversation, or an open dialogue. Have you ever had conversations in your head and try to figure out how you're going to word something just so? I've had some whoopers going through my head. I was scrubbing those baking sheets with full gusto. It was sort of hard to toss in a snap when my hands were covered in soap suds. But somehow I managed.

He addressed his last letter Dear Twerp. Any suggestions on how I should address his letter? Dear stubborn mule? Jerk who won't take a hint? Person formally known as Dad? How about To Whom It May Concern? I'm sure that will go over really well.

Did you watch LOST? Hurley is the best! Totally cracks me up. I so could play his part, btw - big chubby person with some face fuzz that makes goofy comments. Me, me, also me.

I will say it's getting beyond weird. They are back in time, with the Darma people just doing their thing? I would keep thinking I left normalville for this? I didn't see Danial Ferriday climbing out of the sub coming.

This show is causing my brain cells to give up the will to live.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Because You Asked

Golly gee, I just don't know why my picture didn't show up. I thought for sure I added it. I had no clue y'all were so interested in what type of glasses I got. You'll have to excuse Babs as she wasn't at her best in this picture.


Wha? I thought it was funny. Just mio?

The boys did force me to have my picture taken. Trouble was they got a little bit camera crazy. Lots of pics I had to delete because, oh what a shock, my mouth was moving through all the pictures. J got right up in my face and I started to say something smart and this is what you get...Oh yes, this is me. I even look like a smarta$$. I can only hope this will help me take top prize in snarkiness.

Hubs said my glasses gives me the naughty librarian look. I'm a bit skert to think what library he has been at to think this.

Now that I want to horph, I hope you people are happy. Can't believe I bowed to peer pressure. There goes my chances at role model for 09, dagnabbit! I really hate getting my picture taken.

And just because it's me...

TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY (thanks Kaye!)

1. At Lunch Time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice!
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
5. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'For Marijuana'.
6. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.
7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
9. Sing along at the opera.
10. Five says in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
11. When the money comes out the ATM, scream 'I Won! I Won!'
12. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling 'Run for your lives! They're loose!'
13. Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.'

I'm slightly disturbed that I've done more than 5 from this list.

And this one is from Kerri - awesome!

Clutching their Kohl's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit...no flies, no smell.

'What business could that poor kitty have had here?' murmured Ellen.

'Come on, Ellen, let's just go.'

But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, 'I'll just put my things in your bag, and then I'll use this tissue.' She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Kohl's bag and cover it.

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell. They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to Luby's Cafeteria. They went through the serving line and they sat down at a window table.

They had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Kohl's bag still on the trunk. BUT not for long! As they ate, they noticed a woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car. She looked quickly this way and that, and then took the Kohl's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement. It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond.

'Can you imagine?' finally sputtered Ellen.

'The nerve of that woman!' Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the female thief.

Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her gaze, Kay recognized the woman in the red gingham shirt with the Kohl's bag hanging from her arm. She was brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier.

Helplessly they watched the scene unfold.

After leaving the register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat. After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure.

Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag. Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest.

The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered the Heimlich maneuver. A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived.

In a matter of minutes, the woman with the red gingham shirt emerged from the crowd, still gasping, and securely strapped on a gurney. Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings. The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar was as she disappeared behind the ambulance doors.....the Kohl's Bag perched on her stomach!!

God does take care of those who do bad things! (AND once in a while...He allows us to witness it!)

Monday, April 13, 2009

I C U

We went and got the new glasses today. Lets just say, we ain't use to them yet. I turned my head really quick and about fell over cuz my eyes went whoa! But I'm not all squinty so that's good.


I actually got before and after pictures of the boys. But the first batch were really blurry as I didn't have the camera set a the right setting. When I went to fix the blurry ones, they took off on me. They said it was a one shot deal. Turkeys.


This is N before.





This is the new pair.

This is M before and really this picture doesn't show you just how sad they were on his face. He had to slightly tilt his head back just to see through them.

This is after.

Is is just me, or did they like age right before my eyes? Maybe its the glasses and my eyes are just seeing things. Yeah, that's it. I also think it was rather dirty of them to pick out really close looking glasses. They said no one can tell them apart anyway so it didn't matter.

J was all pouty because he said he feels like he's missing out on something. I asked him if he wanted to be part of the headache, fuzzy looking world club and he said heck no. I said than quit your complaining.

I'm so full of warmth and compassion. I just want to make sure I get 1st place in the snarky mother category this year.

But to whoever anonymous donor was - thank you. Your gift helped and we made sure to use the money you gave to go as you intended.

Speaking of moolah. We finally got the unemployment stuff. Turns out they held up the money because Hubs didn't register with Michigan Works. But according to their rules if you don't lose your job you're not required to register. Fine print: we'll hold up all your money until we run you through a lot of red tape.

But Hubs is back to work full time, and may he continue to be. But thank you, Jesus!

Maybe now the bank will stop sending me endearing letters like, dear sucky homeowner - you suck as a customer. Although we used a lot of our tax return money to get them off our backs. Nothing like getting a intent on foreclosure to suck the life right out of you.

And I am happy to send off a double payment for Hubs' truck because their callers have taken harassment to a whole new level.

The down side is the tax return money was to go for property taxes. The unemployment doesn't cover what we had to shell out to the mortgage company but we're trusting God that it's all going to work out. We're planning on making a trip to the city and see what we can work out. I just hope they don't want one of the kids as a down payment. I'm rather attached to them.

But I can not thank y'all enough for all the prayers and support. There was many a time I felt totally alone through this and that no one really cared. I was proved wrong. We would still appreciate your prayers as we aren't totally out of the woods yet. Have to see what the city says and also what all God will provide. I'm also asking for wisdom on what to do, not only with our finances, but in several other areas as well.

What can I say? I'm really needy.

It doesn't help that my Dad continues to call every.single.day. Right now it's the battle of wills. He sent me a letter and mercy I'll have to blog that one later. Wisdom - me needs it in large quantities.

That is going to do it for me right now, because my eyes are done for the day.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

To My InTents Girls

I read an article this week that just has me chuckling. It was talking about the first Easter. Tonight I was flipping through the channels and landed on a Christian station. It was giving a very gloomy look at that first Easter. How everyone was dazed, confused and emotionally spent.

Wow, sounds like last week.

It wasn’t a good time. The disciples were basically out of a job. Their faith was not to be found and they went back to the life they knew before stepping out with Jesus. The article posed a question of do you know who Jesus chose to reveal Himself to?

A bunch of women. How awesome is that??

I heard a preacher say, ladies next time a fellow gives you grief about being in the ministry ask him where were the guys at that Resurrection morning. The women didn't go back to fishing. They dropped everything and went to anoint Jesus' body with oil. The women would not, could not, stay away from their King of kings.

And that love and that devotion is why Jesus revealed himself to the women. Same preacher joked that if you want the word to get out, get a woman on it.

The article contined on saying that after the women saw the stone rolled away from the grave they were flat out excited. But when they ran back and told the men, the guys didn’t believe them and had to go check it out for themselves. And then they were excited.

I know a bunch of us are flat out excited right now. We see something God is doing, and others may not be where we are at or don't believe us. Don’t despair. The time will come when they will see it for themselves. And then they'll be flat out excited.

The article said that most Christians are living in a grave today. God has been laying it on my heart for a long time and several other women have been getting the same thing - that it is time to come out of the grave. Time to take the grave clothes off. Man may have rolled that stone over your grave but God removed the stone and called us out by name.


Jesus. What a beautiful name for Savior. He’s all that and then some, all rolled into a package we could handle.


What strikes me the most is that we GET to worship Him as a small token of thanks. Thanks for His love and His acceptance. May you look at worship as a way to say thanks. Worship is about Him and what He has done. Being in His presence just fills that cup and nothing else matters. There are still hurts and struggles to deal with but then there's God. Just who He is. While He doesn't always fix things the way we want Him too, He certainly knows how to improve what is there.

I pray that you all have a good Resurrection Sunday. Jesus rolled away the grave stone and called us out by name. How cool is that? May we all come out of our graves, no matter how deep they are or how long we've been in them.

I'm taking the rest of the week off. Now if you'll excuse me, there is a chocolate bunny with my name on it.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Bunny Trail

Does this ever happen to you? You get a make-up catalog and suddenly you feel like your face has been deprived? You look at this model, who has enough goop on her face to grease several large baking pans, yet looks young and somehow fresh with a touch of bow-chica-bow-wow bedroom eyes.

Then you look at price of said goop and resign yourself to just plain bow-wow eyes from stuffmart.

My Mom had the top of the line make-up stuff. Went to stores that only sold make-up. When I was finally allowed to wear the stuff you just better believe I got the local drugstore variety not the top of the line.

When it was time for me to shell out the green for my stuff, my Mom suggested I go buy the nicer stuff. I said no.

Then, my at the time, psychotic sister-in-law decided to sell Mary Kay as a way to make money. If ever there was a definition of a train wreck, that was it. So in a sad attempt to help her business, and I use that term loosely, I was forced got to buy some of MK's stuff.

I'll give MK credit, she's got some really good stuff but there is some ridiculously over priced stuff. My make-up budget never did make it beyond wally world, much like my bra and underwear budget but that is another sad tail tale.

Recently I was invited to a MK party. I was all set to go and just ooh and aah over stuff but thankfully, I was just given a catalog instead. I'm sure my hostess has no idea what bullet God just saved her from. How would she have recovered when I would have screamed holy crap that's expensive? Then said something stupid like speaking of crap I bet this stuff probably has guano in it, which is bat poo. Then I would have gone on and on about all my bat stories.

Because clearly, I have no class.

This is what happens when one spends all their time around guys. I asked Hubs to just shot me if I ever hold my leg up and fart, especially if I'm in public.

In other news, my Dad has tried calling me three times a day, every single day. Oh the words - they fail me right now. I'm taking a survey cuz I've always wanted to shout - "Survey says?" and then give the loud buzzer noise.

I have no idea what my deal is lately, but I've had these game show themes suddenly brought to the surface. A couple weeks ago at church, we were asked to look up scriptures and have quiet time to read it all during the service. I so wanted to play the song from Jeopardy.

Luckily for the congregation it wasn't on the computer, nor could we access the Internet or I would have done it in a heart beat. Some day I'll get my wish.

My joke supplies are down. I think my MIL might be mad at me. I haven't gotten any coupons from her either. I think I'll need to give her a call this week. We usually email a lot but I haven't heard much from her in over a week. Sort of get the feeling she's honked off about something.

Ruh-roh, Raggie.

This is just so me - start off about make-up, then hop over about my dad which then takes me down the bunny trail of game shows, then I pull a rabbit out of my hat about my MIL. Suddenly I'm in the mood for jelly beans and a chocolate bunny.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Weary

Surveying what needed to be done, she adjusted her big girl panties and took a deep breath. Books flew across the room as they were launched from her hands. More items scattered out of her way as she shoved things around flinging her arms about. She knew what she was looking for was in the pile of books she just tossed but couldn’t summon the energy to care at the moment.

Frustration coursed through her veins but had to press through it and focus. Okay, this needed to be done. Or life as she knew it would end and it wouldn’t be a pleasant ending. She leaned over and picked up the books that she had thrown and slammed them back down on the table.

She flopped into her chair and picked up her pen. She slowly pulled air through her nose and exhaled through her mouth attempting to slow down her breathing and ultimately slow her racing thoughts.

"Come on girl, focus." She whispered to herself.

Her hand, slightly shaking, grasped the pen with one hand while she grabbed the paper.
As the pen dragged across the paper, her mind refusing to cooperate, zoned out on her. She was thousands of miles away, running through an open field.


She could hear a far away voice getting louder and louder while her vision dimmed.
Mooooommmm the ghostly voice echoed across the valley.
It caused her to shudder as a chill crawled up her spine.
Moommm
It came again, louder.
Mom! The voice called out loud and clear snapping her back to reality.
Her eyes focused on what she had been writing.
Milk, eggs, cheese, bread….


I so hate doing a grocery list.

I can’t handle the pressure. I have to see into the future and know what we’ll need for the next two weeks cuz you just know if I have to make another trip that will spike the already ridiculous bill even further into the holy crap zone.

How am I suppose to know that suddenly they're on a milk kick or a pb sandwich only thing? One month they like nothing but yogurt or string cheese then the next month it is so gross to them. The next month hard boiled eggs are in order and now they will only eat them if they are deviled.

Oh, I'll give them deviled but I bet it's not what they had in mind.

At least J is starting to get wise in this department. He now is the one that makes the most suggestions knowing that this will increase his chances of getting what he wants on the menu. Smart boy.

I've also noticed that any and all suggestions from Hubs comes in a dessert form. He suggested a truck load of stuff and zilch for dinner until I toss a pillow or five at him. I wonder how long it's going to take him to figure out that I purposely make the meals I know he's burned out on when he does this to me.

As I picked up the pillow with the crazed look in my eye, this sudden desire to live forced him to come up with a meal and one that he cooks.

Smart man. I think I'll keep him.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Yeah, Whatever

Well mah Interpeeps, it has been a busy few weeks!

Sorry I have been MIA, but duty as a friend and some other areas took over so we have been on the go. And amazingly enough I find myself with some serious writer's block. I was just struggling to think of what to write when suddenly the phone rings.

The drama - it likes me. I can't say as I'm a big fan of it.

My Dad is still trying to call collect. He tried twice. This makes me mad on a few levels. We're in a situation so collect calls - not high on the priority list. He's aware of this, yet continues to call.

I stare at the phone as it rings in a rather mocking tone, I might add. I can almost hear him on the other end begging me to pick up the phone. The thoughts start in of what if.....

Too stinking bad! Should have thought of that in the first place. (Uh-huh! *snap, snap, snap*)

In other news, we aren't traveling for Easter. I got to say, this is a bit of a load off. For many a year for us to make it to the closest relative, we would have to skip church and leave early just to make it in time for lunch. This year, we decided to downsize the number of annoying trips and visits so this was first on the chopping block. I will wait and see what else we may be force to let go.

If nothing else, this will let everyone feel free to gossip openly about my folks. Whatever. I did find out that grandma told my Dad he can't come live with them. I thought that was funny. Dad was all noble in his letter that he's to take care of his folks. Try staying out of prison - it'll do wonders.

Suddenly it dawned on me - I will need to cook an Easter dinner. Well this should be interesting. It's not that I can't cook a big ol meal - far from it. It's just the timing of it all. I think we are looking at an Easter dinner rather than an Easter lunch.

Spring break is in the air - sucks to be my kids as they aren't getting one. It's called too many days we took off equals no stinking break. I've been going though home school magazines which is enough to make me want to crawl into a corner and rock myself to sleep. But all it does is hammer home the fact that I do not have a strong finish and what a shock we're behind.

This sort of explains most of my life actually.

I'll get all geared up and surprisingly enough, I have a plan. Even more amazing, I stick to said plan for a while. And then...

Life drops kicks me through the goal posts of life, causing me to loose focus, then I stumble through the rest of it, finishing in a total flop, no where near what I had hoped and dreamed, asking if I'm done.

My favorite is about this time I get asked if I ever thought about doing something different.

Every.dang.day.of.our.lives.

Why did God pick me to teach stuff? I don't understand stuff. All my Spanish I learned from a talking dog for Taco Bell. I can't even remember the crap that Dora teaches. Of course, it was probably the mallet I used to render myself unconscious that blocked the learning but minor detail.

Science? Me? I was the kid that mispronounced organism to orgasm. During an oral report. Had no idea why the teacher about choked to death to keep from laughing, but found that laughter isn't always bad thing. It can cover up the fact that 1) you suck, and 2) you didn't study and/or have no clue what you're talking about. After that botched little report, because hey you're suppose to be prepared ahead of time, I decided this thang called science wasn't my cup of tea.

The thought of Algebra makes me zone out and start singing nursery rhythms. History is very true - if you don't learn from it, you will repeat it. How else can you explain why I'm teaching this crap that didn't make sense back in the day?

So by not going I will spare myself the usual questions of am I sure of what I'm doing. Not to mention the obvious I'm not the most qualified person to be doing this. Thanks a million grandma! Your vote of confidence is so moving.

And they wonder why I'm just gonna pass this year.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

You Know You Want To Laugh

THE PASTOR'S @SS

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S @SS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S @SS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST @SS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS @SS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER @SS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is.... being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery. Even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's @ss and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!


"Catholic Bubba"

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended mass. and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

(Thanks Margie)

A MESSAGE FROM GOD

God looked down at the earth and wanted to know what kind of behavior was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."

God was disappointed but thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion."So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time, too.

True enough, when the second angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true - the Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good."

God was not pleased. He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them to continue being good.

Do you know what that E-mail said?

Neither do I; I didn't get one either.....


This brain tickle was brought to you by the letter Z as in zzzzz because I've been lacking in that department.