Wednesday, April 1, 2009

You Know You Want To Laugh

THE PASTOR'S @SS

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S @SS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S @SS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST @SS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS @SS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER @SS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is.... being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery. Even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's @ss and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!


"Catholic Bubba"

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended mass. and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

(Thanks Margie)

A MESSAGE FROM GOD

God looked down at the earth and wanted to know what kind of behavior was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."

God was disappointed but thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion."So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time, too.

True enough, when the second angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true - the Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good."

God was not pleased. He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them to continue being good.

Do you know what that E-mail said?

Neither do I; I didn't get one either.....


This brain tickle was brought to you by the letter Z as in zzzzz because I've been lacking in that department.

13 comments:

Debbie said...

I love Bubba and the catfish! Too cute.

jubilee said...

I didn't get that email either. Hmmmmmmm.

Femin Susan said...

Those are absolutely fascinating. Wonderful post! I love Bubba .....

Kristen said...

haha that was too cute!

Lilly said...

Ha ha those were good and I needed to laugh, you are so right!!! I wont be worrrying about anyone elses ass either!!!

Kaye Butler said...

OMG. The one about the bishop getting burried, too funny!

M & M said...

I didn't read the first one because I'm pretty sure since I'm not suppose to cuss I can't read cuss!!

Shellie said...

Thanks again for the laughs!

Dianne said...

I put the last one in our church bulletin awhile back but mine ended: "Oh, do you want to read my copy?".

tommie said...

that catfish totally made me laugh...but then again, I was reared in the southern babtist church!

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