I'm starting to get a complex. I've had several people ask me if I'm mad, sick, depressed, and/or dead lately.
Yes, I'm butt-white. I can't help it. I'm the color of never seen the light of day tushy. I have a cousin that is even paler than I am. Her sister loves to take her pulse just to make sure she's still living.
Last year I got sick just from being outside in the sun for a couple days straight. I'm still recovering from losing half my blood supply. I am a delicate flower. Lily among the thorns maybe? Make that a very pale lily.
I wouldn't say I'm depressed but something is off. Tonight was the last night of one bible study. When I got home, Hubs asked if I was tired. Seriously, stop trying to cheer me up. Makes me feel oh so good about myself.
I've been a bit neglectful on the sunless tanning lotion. So what if it isn't a natural glow? My pale self reflects the light causing the sun to scream, 'my eyes'.
Been a rough week. Had one situation after another where I walked away feeling bad about myself. I showered and used deodorant. Brushed my teeth and my hair - even used separate brushes for it too. Yet I find myself feeling like I'm off.
I had 2, count them, 2 occasions where I made eye contact with someone I knew. They knew that I saw them, yet made sure to walk by and not say anything. Because I can be a stinker, I called them out on it. And this happened like 2 days in a row. Not feeling the love, people.
No offense to anyone at bible study, but I got zilch from the whole thing and it was just another thing on a long list of stuff to do. Had I known what an ordeal it was going to turn out to be for me, I would have said N-O. Not refreshed just flat out drained. And I so need some refreshing. I got the worship music going on, I'm reading my bible, I'm quoting scriptures, I'm trying to do fun things but I'm still feeling very, very dry.
It has been a rough year. This stuff hasn't blown over in just a few weeks or a month. But it has been going on and on for months. I sit and listen how things are working out for other people and the battle is on. I'm not feeling it.
First person that tells me we're not moved by our feelings but by faith will get my faith filled, bible turning middle finger.
Gosh, it's such a mystery as to why people avoid me.
The thing that really frustrates me is I can't put my finger on what is bothering me. What is so off that it is like a splinter in my head? Am I hormonal? Probably, but that's not the cause. Not being able to identify whatever it is that is bothering me, I slapped the label funk on it and try to keep a lid on it to contain its funkiness.
It's not working.
The thing that I find interesting is it seems like a lot of people are just in a funk as well and are struggling to put their finger on it too. I've heard 'maybe I just need to get away' - 'maybe I'm coming down with something' - 'maybe I need a cookie or 20'.
And like the true sheep that I am, I try what everyone else is doing. So after taking enough vitamin C that I might be a light shade of orange, downed a box or 4 of cookies, I'm feeling no better and still feel that something is still lingering in the shadows.
I would like to get away, but that's not possible. My happy place is closed for maintenance and repair. What's up with that???
Kerri and I were just discussing how can we make more room for God. Right now I feel like I'm face first in a mud puddle blowing bubbles and I'm running out of air. Do I lift my head or not? What's that noise? Oh yes, my children requesting dinner or clean clothes or something like that.
The only good news is I've seen a huge difference Hubs lately. Talk about waking a sleeping giant. I bet that satan is kicking himself because Hubs has come out of slumber and is fighting back like I've never seen before. There have been some whoa moments. I told him I may snag some of his stuff and blog about it but he said it would steal his thunder. Whatever.
I guess that's something, right?