Friday, July 31, 2009

My Name Isn't Casper

I'm starting to get a complex. I've had several people ask me if I'm mad, sick, depressed, and/or dead lately.

Yes, I'm butt-white. I can't help it. I'm the color of never seen the light of day tushy. I have a cousin that is even paler than I am. Her sister loves to take her pulse just to make sure she's still living.

Last year I got sick just from being outside in the sun for a couple days straight. I'm still recovering from losing half my blood supply. I am a delicate flower. Lily among the thorns maybe? Make that a very pale lily.

I wouldn't say I'm depressed but something is off. Tonight was the last night of one bible study. When I got home, Hubs asked if I was tired. Seriously, stop trying to cheer me up. Makes me feel oh so good about myself.

I've been a bit neglectful on the sunless tanning lotion. So what if it isn't a natural glow? My pale self reflects the light causing the sun to scream, 'my eyes'.

Big baby.

Been a rough week. Had one situation after another where I walked away feeling bad about myself. I showered and used deodorant. Brushed my teeth and my hair - even used separate brushes for it too. Yet I find myself feeling like I'm off.

I had 2, count them, 2 occasions where I made eye contact with someone I knew. They knew that I saw them, yet made sure to walk by and not say anything. Because I can be a stinker, I called them out on it. And this happened like 2 days in a row. Not feeling the love, people.

No offense to anyone at bible study, but I got zilch from the whole thing and it was just another thing on a long list of stuff to do. Had I known what an ordeal it was going to turn out to be for me, I would have said N-O. Not refreshed just flat out drained. And I so need some refreshing. I got the worship music going on, I'm reading my bible, I'm quoting scriptures, I'm trying to do fun things but I'm still feeling very, very dry.

It has been a rough year. This stuff hasn't blown over in just a few weeks or a month. But it has been going on and on for months. I sit and listen how things are working out for other people and the battle is on. I'm not feeling it.

First person that tells me we're not moved by our feelings but by faith will get my faith filled, bible turning middle finger.

Gosh, it's such a mystery as to why people avoid me.

The thing that really frustrates me is I can't put my finger on what is bothering me. What is so off that it is like a splinter in my head? Am I hormonal? Probably, but that's not the cause. Not being able to identify whatever it is that is bothering me, I slapped the label funk on it and try to keep a lid on it to contain its funkiness.

It's not working.

The thing that I find interesting is it seems like a lot of people are just in a funk as well and are struggling to put their finger on it too. I've heard 'maybe I just need to get away' - 'maybe I'm coming down with something' - 'maybe I need a cookie or 20'.

And like the true sheep that I am, I try what everyone else is doing. So after taking enough vitamin C that I might be a light shade of orange, downed a box or 4 of cookies, I'm feeling no better and still feel that something is still lingering in the shadows.

I would like to get away, but that's not possible. My happy place is closed for maintenance and repair. What's up with that???

Kerri and I were just discussing how can we make more room for God. Right now I feel like I'm face first in a mud puddle blowing bubbles and I'm running out of air. Do I lift my head or not? What's that noise? Oh yes, my children requesting dinner or clean clothes or something like that.

But this is sounding dangerously close to whining. Like that is a shock to anyone.
Right about now you're thinking maybe I should go back on a bloggy break. I'm wondering if that would be a good idea myself.

The only good news is I've seen a huge difference Hubs lately. Talk about waking a sleeping giant. I bet that satan is kicking himself because Hubs has come out of slumber and is fighting back like I've never seen before. There have been some whoa moments. I told him I may snag some of his stuff and blog about it but he said it would steal his thunder. Whatever.

I guess that's something, right?

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Double Ugh

Sorry I've been MIA - again. There really is no other word, I can repeat, for the emotion of getting my Internet cut AGAIN. I'm not going to go off and whine about it, simple because some of you people scare me. I don't need a major flood of hate-mail telling me to suck it up and quit whining.

If I want that type of abuse, I'll talk to my mother.

But do know I missed y'all very much. I still can't blog worth a lick but I missed ya. Does that count? You would think I would have put my time to construction some blog topics to glean from in this lean season when my brain gives me the finger when it comes time to write. But no, we can't have that, now can we? That would mean I have a plan.

Stares at computer and contemplates what a plan would look like.

Rub eyes to get the grit out of them from the glazing over. Wipes drool off of chin.

Still have no clue what a plan is.

Which means I'm still stuck with bloggy block, my brain is still giving me the finger, but at least I'm back to...to...do something with all this snarkiness.

At least I have chocolate.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Weekend Randomness

Well we blew through another weekend. Just a bunch of randomness. I never know what to do with this blog. Do I smush a bunch of who cares into a run on post or do I don't bother to blog at all?

Randomness 1) Earlier this week I was given some zucchini. I looked for the relish recipe and could not find it anywhere. It became so annoying that I couldn't find it that I started tossing stuff to see if I could locate it.

Zilch.

I bet my Mom swiped it. Granted it was her recipe but thought I was up the creek without a paddle. UNTIL I remembered I blogged the whole thing. Dug through old post of last year - bingo! I even did step by step instructions.

Blogging saved my life. True story.

If I would have not been able to make more relish I think there would be a bounty on my head. The older boys have discovered the wonders of this relish and now we have been going through more of it.

Randomness 2) Having all guys really stinks when it comes to watching movies. I can't even get them to indulge me into watching a cartoon or 20. Noooo. They all picked out PG-13 movies and have been pushing to see a few R. I told them they would need to scrub their ears out with soap from all the f-bombs. This only gives me the oh mother look.

Hubs is no help either. We stopped to rent a couple movies thanks to our cable getting yanked again. We've been making payments but they decided it isn't fast enough. Hubs doesn't get paid for a few days sooo nothing to watch. This leaves movies.

Trouble is none of us can agree on a movie.

They came out with guy-o-rama movies. (Although I will admit Eagle Eye was a really good movie.)

We took those back and were just stuck with our movies. Again not being able to agree on a movie is really a pain. Hubs came up with each person picks out a movie and then we roll a dice to see what number it picks and that is the movie we watch.

I guess he really IS a genius.

This has been keeping the peace lately. Except I have been stuck watching testosterone induced flicks for the past two days.

Randomness 3) I finally got some of my scrap booking mojo back. Of course, that may have to do with the fact that I took 2 evening primrose oil pills one day. I'm now thinking of bathing in the stuff because it mellowed me out and I was actually in a good mood. Mercy! I'll take 20 more of those thankyouverymuch.

I pulled out all the early pictures and decided to scrap from the beginning and see if I can work my way up. The twins are pushing 14 so I already know I'm waaaaay behind so my theory is that takes all the pressure off. Right? Worth a shot. So this leaves me with their baby pictures to look at.

I have stopped myself from grabbing them into a bear hug and singing Sunrise, Sunset so I'm thinking those pills are doing their thing.

I think my scrapbook style is old school. I like the papers, cutting out titles all that junk. My favorite part is to take some element out of the picture and try and remake it with paper. Example: I took the exersaucers and redid it. Granted it's not the best looking thing in the world but that's besides the point.

The whole dude in the exersaucer (or however you spell it) I did it all on my own. I did the teddy bear and the chain with just circle punches. The cookie, the animals on the seat part as well as the binky were all stickers but everything else was paper. What can I say? I'm freaky. And I find this enjoyable.

I love my circle punches. While this is so yesteryear's way of doing things I figured I bought the dumb things I might as well put them to good use. The only down side was it took me all day to do a 2 page layout. But I'm hoping to get the creative mojo back to keep at it. Although knowing a mountain of laundry waits for me is so not helping.

Maybe by doing this it will counteract all the feelings of life sucks.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

All You Need Is Love

I felt this week God was challenging me to find the boys' love language. When that thought went through my head it was more of a what? Are you serious?? Why that came up was beyond me until I had a few conversation replayed through my head. At first I blew it off. Really? You want me to do this? Now??

Felt like that would be a duh. I tried to reason it away - they know I love them. They're still breathing aren't they?

I then said I would get to it after I finished doing the ninja chop on the laundry, shoveled the dishes out of the sink, catch up on (fill in the blank) and then, THEN I would be able to sit them down and remind them I love them.

Cuz they're still breathing. My own special gift to them.

That may or may not bring the warm fuzzy feelings. I'm thinking more not.

N in perticular made a comment that he's not always sure I care. Dude was on my radar. I have tried different experiments with him. I was getting ready to give him a hair cut and I just hugged him from behind and said in a munchkin voice 'I wuv you'. While he laughed I felt like I was bumping up against a wall.

More experiments were tried and I was still coming up blank. I finally asked Nicholas what he thought it would be. There is touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service.

We both thought it might be words of affirmation. I tried that and while he liked it, it didn't really set him over. Still processing I thought I would go all out on acts of service. I loaded some new songs on the boys MP3s, played some video games, made s'more bars, cooked a big dinner and made sweet tea. Dude was over the moon.

Acts of service - check.

The other two were just eh. They may not show it to the same degree so I'm still working on that. They liked the s'mores bars, that we pounded on like white on rice. They liked the music and slaughtering me on the video games. But it was no where near the degree as it was with N. Again, it could be they show it differently.

I will say, Nicholas has totally chilled out and has been pleasant to be around this week. It's not like he has been getting his own way or getting out of his chores, but the nasty tude isn't there. He has been a joy to be around and has actually been quite funny. We've been joking around with each other quite a bit.

Hmmm.

So now I'm on to Michael to find his. I think for him words of affirmation is more up there. There are a couple of men at church that when they talk to him just means the world to him. (Hey Laura! N and M were discussing how nice Bob is and what a great encourager he is.)

M emptied the dishwasher and I went on and on about his wonderfulness. While he didn't say much he was grinning ear to ear. It may be touch as he hugs the longest and the hardest. Dude about cracked my back. I said to take it easy on his mom. He thought that was funny.

Jared is still a mystery. He is a snuggler. I'm thinking touch is one of his. Then again he loves it when I watch a movie with him so it could be quality time. Still working on that one.

But I found this is hard work! To stop what I'm doing and what I'm focused on and take time to study my kids and see what their reactions are has been interesting.

And my God does that with me.

So does my enemy.

I know what my Husband's love language is. Dude still looks at me like we're newlyweds. Tells me all the time I'm beautiful. I had to remind him words of affirmation isn't one of my love languages. While it's nice it doesn't send me over the moon. He said he knows, but wants to say it to counter all the millions of times I've heard I'm not pretty, I'm not loved, I'm not good enough.

Well dang if that isn't enough to make me swoon!

I was at bible study and we were talking about marriage and someone said what all they were doing lately to show love and what a change it has brought. The response was but that's hard work. A bunch of us all busted out laughing it IS hard work. Marriage is hard but it can be good.

At times that can be hard work. To stop with all the daily grind and make sure each one knows 'hey! I love you!' especially if you ain't feeling the love right now.

Love.

Four letters. One word. Many different meanings. What speaks love to one doesn't another.

Hubs words 'you'll spend time on the things you love' is still ringing around my head. There is so much obligation to other things that most of the time I find myself drained with nothing left to give. Not sure how to balance that one.

I got to thinking about God and how He shows love. He sent Jesus in flesh - touch. He gave us His word - words of affirmation. We read His word, have praise and worship, praying and talking to Him - quality time. After Jesus restored us to right standing with God we were sent the Holy Spirit who helps us, leads us and guides us - acts of service. Salvation is a gift and we have gifts of the Spirit. God is love.

When I think about God's love for me, I feel all warm and fuzzy. I'm not such a pain to be around and a lot of my attitude falls away.

Yet another lesson God uses my kids to show me - ME.

Doh! Totally walked right into that too.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Yeah, Well

Guess what we found out? We have bats living in our chimney. How do I know this? Because we heard a bunch of bat chatter all coming from our chimney near the kitchen. So while I'm cooking dinner they're all discussing the smells.

Then we were coming home in the evening the other night when we noticed a bunch of bats come flying out of the chimney.

Yuuuck!!

My kids starting making jokes about this while I was cooking this evening. They said they're not sure which is worse - the bats screeching away in the chimney OR the next door neighbors that like to screech at each other and cuss each other out.

Sigh

How about I just post some jokes? Some of these you'll end up saying Oh! Funny, but wrong.


Recent study found out which days men prefer to have s*x. It was found that men preferred the days that started with the letter 'T'. Examples:
Tuesday
Thursday
Today
Tomorrow
Thanksgiving
Thaturday
Thunday
Thisday
Thatday

A recent survey was conducted also to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night. Here are the survey results: 5% said it was to get a glass of water; 12% said it was to go to the bathroom; 83% said it was to go home.

What's the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 45 pounds.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a really sharp knife.

What's the Cuban National Anthem? Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo? A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale? A Northern fairy tale begins 'Once upon a time....' and a Southern fairy tale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t'.


A guy went to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asked him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replied, "Yes - caffeine."
"Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he replied. "I did 2 combat tours in Afghanistan."
The interviewer said, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asked, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy said, "Yes...an IED exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles."
The interviewer grimaced and then said, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. - and plan to start at 10:00 A.M. every day."
The guy was puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me to be here until 10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer said."For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."


A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember....fairies are female.



A little known fact....
The first "cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
That’s right—it took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

What's For Dinner?

I was glaring at all my cookbooks wondering why they didn't just cook the darn food for me. Since that would make life waay too easy, not to mention a tad bit creepy, that just won't be happening.

Thought I would share a recipe I came up with all by my onesie. And for added effect I even took pictures in a vain attempt to pretend I'm a real blogger.

I guess there is even a story to go with this - ooo now I'm getting dangerously close to authentic.

Every time we go camping (shudder) there is always baked beans and kielbasa. I usually cook up some corn bread to take along and we dump that on top or eat it on it's own. I think I tried coming up with this to bring the camping to the indoors hoping, beyond hope, that this would eliminate the desire to go.

Yeah, well that didn't happen.

I still haven't come up with a name for it. Maybe Camping Casserole or Kielbasa Corn Bread Bean Bake. But you'll need these ingredients.


1 1/2 cans of baked beans (can even have onion free for the picky people)
1 package of Kielbasa, sliced
2 boxes of Jiffy corn bread mix
2 eggs (not shown)
2/3 cup milk (also not shown)
Raw sugar

(The tea bags, that weren't suppose to be in the shot, are for sweet tea of course! Just pretend they aren't there, m'kay?)

On the corn bread box is the recipe for making johnny cake, I think. I follow that. I think you set the oven at 400 degrees. Check the box.

In a 13x9 casserole dish, dump the beans in and spread evenly. Cook kielbasa in skillet until slightly brown. (Or talk on the phone and let them get real black.) Place kielbasa on top of beans.

Mix up the corn bread. Which is dump 2 boxes of the mix in a bowl, add 2/3 cup milk and 2 eggs; stir. I add 1/3 cup of my secret ingredient which is the raw sugar. I don't know what it is about the raw sugar in the corn bread but with the baked beans it makes a really good combo.


Scoop on top of the kielbasa beans and spread evenly. Then sprinkle with more raw sugar on top. Got to have it on top as that melts and just adds some yummy goodness.

Put in oven uncovered for 15-20 minutes. You'll want a slight golden brown on top. This gives the raw sugar a chance to do it's thang.

Then you'll need to grab your oven mitts and take aluminum foil and cover it up and place back in the oven for 25-30 minutes. This will cook the corn bread all the way through and it will be even darker. If you're not sure if it's done, stick a toothpick in the center and if it comes out clean you're good.

Sorry I don't have a finished picture but this was on a night I had bible study and went out the door before it was done. The guys like it (except J but that's normal) and I even made it to take a meal for someone after surgery and they loved it.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Can You Burp Your ABCs?

Oh my word, we are so weird! Pop, or soda for mah southern gals, is sort of a rare treat around here. Far be it that I’m all healthy, it’s just these guys would suck it down more than food. And I’ve seen them eat. Up in Michigan we pay an extra 10 cents a can so it's rather dumb not to turn in the pop cans as you've already paid for it. Needless to say this adds up real quick.

Having to share has sort of developed some other sides in me. Several years ago they had a full blown fit that I had a can of pop and they didn’t. This caused me to channel my mother and said 'suck it up, cupcake. I’m the adult so nanner nanner boo boo'. After all the tears and drama I got real good at hiding a can or five so I didn’t have to share.

Don’t look at me all innocent like. You guys thought I was a genius when I stashed chocolate in the tampon box.

Since they are a bit hip to all my hideouts and I’m lacking the desire to simply care, I just cut back on it. Lately the cravings will not be denied. The trouble is I have pop police. They freakin count the cans every stinking day so they KNOW if I had one late at night. While they have learned not to say a word, they have been skilled in the art of eyebrow arching disdain.

After holding out on them all weekend, as they reminded me I went out twice and just knew I had some, I let us have some with lunch. Like the us part?

I don’t know if the sugar rush was what did it or the lack of oxygen to the brain from the burp off, but we got down right slap happy. I mean pound the table, roll on the floor and grab your sides hilarious. Trouble is I have yet to grow up and we tend to feed off of each other just like junior high.

Wait, two of them are in junior high! Such a wonderful roll model I’ve turned out to be.

Jared is able to squeak out noises that would make a dog twitch and at times when appropriately applied it is just freakin hilarious. But this is the child that has been known to choke down a pill on spit alone and then flop on the floor because he won’t take a drink.

So what do you think this brain child came up with? Tried to take a drink of pop while the rest of us were cutting jokes. All I can say is he may have lost the burp off but he took first place on distance from the pop that shot out of his nose.

It’s probably a good thing their Dad has no clue what we do with our days. I would get another round of eyebrow judgement.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Sorry I've Been MIA

I know, all three of you wondered where I was at. Been a week with ups and downs and finding myself rushing from one thing to the next. Rest assured the rumors aren't true. I'm not depressed - I just don't give a rat's patootey about life in general right now. I would say it's more like a funk then depression.

Big, big difference. I've been through both.

At the beginning of the year, I really felt like God was telling me to watch my time. During one of the bible studies I'm involved in, the question came up of how do you serve God? Is it doing all the church functions or not? I can say yes but at the same time no. We serve each other all in the name of God to encourage us to keep trudging through...life.

But is this serving God? Hubs got me thinking, which he may regret. He said you will spend time on what you love. That whole time thing keeps coming back up. Seems like life is more of a to do list than a journey that I'm suppose to be enjoying.

I have spent years doing something I am good at but not something I love to do. I don't mind helping but I don't like spending all my time doing it. A schedule would actually be nice. One week I could do it, another week someone else does it. But then that would mean life is fair and we just can't be having that now can we?

So I decided not to go to church this week and now Hubby thinks I'm depressed. I brought up the whole time thing to him again. I have been trying to recharge my batteries. Pulled out the scrapbook stuff but sadly my creative mojo has not been working.

Hubs took the boys camping this weekend. Oh those lovely peace and quiet moments can be the gem of life sometimes. Granted, I don't look forward to life with nothing but quiet time. But it was nice.

I went out Friday night for some girl time all with chips and salsa. Came home and curled up with a good book. Saturday I slept as late as I wanted and then did some McTalking time with Kerri. My wise friend said I'm a tad bit overwhelmed with life and I need a stinking break. It has been nice just to open up with each other where we are at. Love ya woman!

All this was said while slurping on a frappe. This is, of course, the best way to have someone tell you, yes girl, you is in a funk but dang doesn't this taste good?? Seriously, we need to have some sort of law for this. Mandatory bear your soul while having a frappe. I only consumed one although I thought about grabbing another one for the road but resisted.

I came home as it was time to go out the door and head to church. I've had a long week. Like I said ups and downs on different levels. I chose to stay home and listened to a teaching tape instead. It was what I needed to hear, but the bonus was I had my own praise and worship. I don't get enough of that! One on one time with just God singing praise music.

I had read earlier this last week that the beginning of Godly wisdom starts with reverential worship. It may be me, but I struggle with putting everything else to the side and worship when I'm at church. Lot of times I'm not able to do it. I started wondering if reverential worship is more of a private thing than a corporate thing. Not sure on that one. But it seems to mean more to me by myself than with others.

And that may just be part of the funk. Who knows? Right now, I can say I'm tired of do this, do that all with attitude from others which doesn't help my attitude. Now it's figuring out the balance is the next trick.

I can say, all and all it was a good weekend. We ended it off with me getting totally talked into watching the Matrix series with the guys. Which means we had to pause the stupid movie every 10 minutes to explain what was going on and what was just said. Good times.

Boys all said they had a great weekend so that was a score. Right now, my house looks like some sort of freak camping, laundry, dish explosion happened. I'm thinking we may need to use paper plates for a week and mandatory pj week so I can get caught up on this mess. This means we can't go anywhere but I'm willing to make that sacrifice.

Can anyone tell me why having fun always seems to make a mess? The messier it is, the more fun is to be had. That has got to be some sort of Murphy's law, right?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Momma Didn't Say There Would Be Days Like This

I think I need hazard pay to live with these guys. Of course, right about now I would take regular pay. I can't entirely blame all this on them - but I will try.

1) It seems some people, born with outdoor parts, can't aim too well. Unless, of course, they were trying to hose the side of the toilet down in a sorry attempt to hit a fly. I've gone a bit postal over this and have even parked my butt near the bathroom and staged a bathroom check after each person left a million few times.

This has stopped the mysterious phantom pee-er for a while. A very short while. I have also gone a bit postal about yes accidents happened but we clean it up. Their brilliant idea was to just toss toilet paper on the offending puddle thinking it would all magically disappear.

Such a proud moment for a home schooling momma. I can already see me putting THAT little tid bit in my Mother of the Year achievement speech. I'm now starting to feel relieved I fell out of contention.

2) Lately it seems that the older 2 are reverting back to toddler hood where they are throwing their food around. N got to waiving his fork around while talking lately. I wasn't that worried as I've been known to do that myself but the big difference was my fork wasn't loaded. Again, back to the whole aim - he flung a whole fork full of food that went kerplop on his shirt. The shirt he bugged me several times to iron. That shirt. We just sort of looked at each other.

In a rare show of mercy, I told him to not worry about it. He didn't. At least I'm starting to think he refuses to show it but deep down it's another story. Sort of like a hard shell with a soft center.

I hope.

3) Like any true broke frugal person, I cut the boys' hair. One time a looong time ago, I was on the phone while cutting J's hair. Not paying attention too well, I caught a bit of skin around his ear - on both sides. He's still not letting this go even though it hasn't happened in years.


Is it wrong that I'll sometimes hold up scissors and look at him and then pick up the phone? Wha? It's not like I chased him or anything, I just sort of walked in his direction.

4) I had asked the boys to unload the dishwasher. That didn't happen. It was left for me. This evening I went to get something out of the dishwasher when this gross looking bug with like a bazillion legs came running out.of.my.dishwasher.

Needless to say I'm running the thing empty with a dishwasher cleaner.

Ick, ick and double ick.

Can.not.stand.bugs!!

The bonus was all four guys came running. It may have been because of the bloodcurdling scream but that's just a minor detail. Although I can hold my own because the scene they all came upon was me beating the thing into a mangled mess. I may or may not have been speaking Yiddish during this slaughter. We simply don't know.

I was going to be snarky about something, which now I can't remember about what, but decided I should probably knock it off with certain word phrases. Tends to get me a lot of traffic - all from Washington D.C.
This post got me in the most trouble all from two little words. Care to guess?

And after spending waay too much time going through old posts just to find that one, I did find that stupid
bat story I couldn't find. Apparently I really suck at labeling my posts. I know, you're all horrible shocked and need a moment to recover. I have close to 400 posts. All of them very long winded. At that is after I edit myself. *hangs head in shame*

"You know in my defense all your labels look the same." Kronk from Emperor's New Grove.

Monday, July 13, 2009

TV Disgust And Randomness

Oh TV, how you have let me down. I have zero life going on right now and I was so hoping you would fill that void. Actually that's not true, I've been running from one thing to the next that I'm at the point of looking for brain fluff. If it wasn't for The Closer I think I would just shut the thing off completely.

Trouble is I find myself leaving it on channels while I desperately look for something - anything slightly entertaining to watch. This isn't a high standard either. I did say desperate. Not like Lifetime channel desperate but close.

I picked a news station to park it on - stupid me. All I heard was more Michael Jackson drama AND about Jon from Jon and Kate plus 8 has a new girlfriend. The fact that it's the daughter of Kate's doc that gave her the tummy tuck is just so wrong on so many levels. Say it ain't so.

Because I sometimes act like I'm in grade school...

Did you hear that thunder Monday night thru Tuesday morning? Well it turns out that wasn't thunder after all. The ruckus you heard was Elvis kicking Michael Jackson's a$$ for marrying his daughter!

I know. I'm terrible. Either that or completely bored.

As I listened to the commentators voice their shock about Michael Jackson being handled did cause me to scratch my head in wonder. Did they forget about Anna Nichol Smith and Brittany's bizarre behavior? Wasn't there some big thing about this sort of stuff happening with Judy Garland years ago? Seems like nothing new in tinsel town.

But after 3 minutes I couldn't stomach the commentators any more. *Click!* Turned off the TV.

Rather than dwell on that pile of weirdness, I did discover the wonders of the McD's frappuccino things today. Oh my word! I'm not a big coffee person but I lurv this stuff. I now know why there is an addiction to this running rampant through our churches. Ladies, move over on the bench. Hi, my name is Joanna. I've only had one frappe but I am hoping to soon fix that problem.

I blame Kerri and she brought it to me. My boys complained to their Dad that I didn't even let them sample a taste. Now that I think about it, they were giving me odd looks. Much like a dog drooling at your feet while you eat. I've told you how N has no shame in pestering me for my chocolate. Oh well. Get over it boys! Cackled the evil mother.

Should I just pucker up now and kiss that Mother of the Year award goodbye?

In other who cares news, I never did mention that I got a letter back from my Dad in response to my card AND Hubs got a total suck up letter from my Mom. See how I did not refer to them as Cruella and Howard the Coward? I think progress has been made and therefore no further momentum is needed at this time.

Translation: I balled up the letter and threw it across the room. Well as far as my sissy self can throw which really didn't make it that far. But that's not the point.

Only reason why I even mention them is because I got a few emails and phone calls lately from various friends of theirs trying to find them. Seems the word is slow on the chain gang. How I got stuck being the designated person to handle this just sort of frustrating.

On top of that joyous duty, I have been kicked to the curb by family. Apparently the same people that all told me to sell their clothes to Goodwill and to drive my folks to a homeless shelter are just shocked and outraged that I am wounding my Dad and Mom by not taking their phone calls. Sheesh who do these people think they are? The Jackson clan??? It's not like the cameras are rolling for their reaction and response.

I'm not that upset over it. Just one more annoying speed bump on the road of life. The real trouble is that there have been several speed bumps one right after another. I'm starting to wonder if it would be better to just floor it and mow down all the speed bumps and/or small pets, children, and most of those people who let their children scream at Wal-Mart.

And since we need to grocery shop this week I think people should suddenly be concern for the crazed woman flying over the speed bumps screaming, "No more casseroles!! I quit!!!"

She may have a Frappuccino in her hand. Thought I would toss that out there because I know there are a few other crazy people who would resort to the same thing and pin all the blame on me.

I'm thinking Hubs should drive just in case I get that crazed look in my eyes.

Speaking of the loading of the carts, I am having some serious casserole blues. It's so bad I've resorted to just randomly tossing open cookbooks to see what I can come up with. This could go either very good or very bad. Much like pin the tail on the bad casserole. That they still won't let me live down.

I did hear the guys may go camping this weekend. Hmmm, suddenly I'm in a better mood.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Well Dang!

I think all my days are blending into a long blur. I am always shoveling out dishes from the sink, the ongoing battle of the gangsta laundry will never end, and the casserole blues is singing it's 54th verse all same as the first.

I got the dust bunny blues to boot.

Hubs, because he is awesome, has encouraged me to goof off and do something fun. Yeah, right. I think I may have mold growing on those dishes now.

I pulled all my scrapbook stuff out. It has been more work than fun. Just amazed at how much junk I actually have. There is a lot of stuff I'm stuck with knowing I'll never use it but it came with other stuff I've used or going to use. I hate that.

The other day a lot of pink paper sat mocking me. I had all these thoughts of a daughter I will never get to make pink layouts for. It has been a lot of years and found it odd that it actually bothered me, but for some reason it really did that day. Then as I'm going through pictures of the boys as babies, because I am THAT far behind, I got hit with a ton of mommy guilt.

What is the deal???

I'm not really sure how to put it into words. I feel like my emotions have been under a full scale attack lately. You name the topic and I can just tell you it has been poked at to the point of bleeding.

And it has left me gasping for air. Don't feel like talking about it, I've journaled pages but can't seem to get it off my chest, and I've come up blank on how to blog it without it sounding horrible bad. I can put life sucks into many a word. Even paint a rather dark and dreary picture but who wants to read about that?

After reading that book Walking with God (what do you mean you haven't read it yet?) I can see how much of a war I'm in. The agreement of resignation is just hanging over my head, pressing in at every side. My 5 senses are telling me we're screwed. My reasoning is saying the same thing.

The funny part in all of this is that I was going through old posts looking for a reference on something when I came across three posts that basically kicked me in the butt and slapped me upside the head. Exactly what I needed to hear - and I wrote it.

I'm not sure if I'm going to laugh at myself or smack myself repeatedly with a hammer right about now.

Today, I am not feeling it. Sort of have a kiss my grits attitude going on. Then to read this, this, and this knowing I wrote it is just so dang humbling on so many levels.

My snotty little tude reads those posts and I can't even say easy for HER to say, SHE'S not going through what I am because I am. And how embarrassing to be right back at the starting gate after some good life lessons.

That would be 3 steps forward and 5 backwards because I seem to have my face firmly planted in a bowl of life sucks attitude. Such a proud moment for me. Sigh

Thursday, July 9, 2009

In The Name of Funny, Poor Taste, And I Got Nothing Else

Since I'm now stuck with a mountain of mess from all the scrapbook stuff, thought I would just post some jokes.

A STORY OF A NUN (thank you Margie)
A nun was sitting at the airport, waiting for her flight to Chicago. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune and thought to herself, 'I'll give it a try and see what it tells me.' She went over to the machine, stepped up on the scale and put her nickel in, out came a card that read, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO.'

The nun sat back down. She told herself that the machine probably gives the same card to everyone. The more she thought about it the more curious she got so she decided to try it again. She went back to the machine and again put her nickel in, and out came a card that read: 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A FIDDLE.'

The nun says to herself, 'I know that is wrong, I have never played a musical instrument even once in my life.' She sat back down. From out of nowhere a cowboy came over and sat down, putting his fiddle case on the seat between them. Without thinking, she opened the cowboy's case, took out the fiddle, and started playing beautiful music. Surprised at what she had done, she looked over at the machine, thinking, 'This is incredible, I've got to try this again.'

Back to the machine she went, put in another nickel, and another card came out. It read, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS , YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.'

Now she knows the machine is wrong, as she thought to herself, 'I've never broken wind in public a single time in my life.' But getting down off the machine she slipped, and as she was straining to keep herself from falling to the floor, she broke wind.

Absolutely stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, 'This is truly remarkable. I've got to try this again.' She went back to the machine, put in another nickel and another card came out. It read, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO CHICAGO'


LEMON SQUEEZE
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

LOOKS OF DISAPPOINTMENT
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're cute.'
The wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful,' it was now 'cute.' She asked, 'What happened to beautiful?'
The man replied, 'The drugs are wearing off.'

CATHOLIC DOG
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

DONATION
Father O'Malley answers the phone.
'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can.'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'

SENILITY
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'
'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'


A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results:
God is like ~ BAYER ASPIRIN, He works miracles.

God is like ~ a FORD, He's got a better idea.
God is like ~ COKE, He's the real thing.
God is like ~ HALLMARK CARDS, He cares enough to send His very best.
God is like ~ TIDE, He gets the stains out that others leave behind.
God is like ~ GENERAL ELECTRIC, He brings good things to life.
God is like ~ SEARS, He has everything.
God is like ~ ALKA-SELTZER, try Him, you'll like Him.
God is like ~ SCOTCH TAPE, you can't see Him, but you know He's there.
God is like ~ DELTA, He's ready when you are.
God is like ~ ALLSTATE, you're in good hands with Him.
God is like ~ VO-5 Hair Spray, He holds through all kinds of weather.
God is like ~ DIAL SOAP, aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?
God is like ~ the U.S. POST OFFICE, neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.
God is like ~ CHEVROLET, the heart beat of America.
God is like ~ MAXWELL HOUSE, good to the very last drop.
God is like ~ BOUNTY, He is the quicker picker upper, can handle the tough jobs, and He won't fall apart on you.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

House Cleaning - Sort Of

I think my house exploded. Or barfed. Stuff is just everywhere. I pulled out all my scrapbook stuff and just started going through things. What a mess! I can barely get to the computer.

And wouldn't you know it, I need to pick up more adhesive stuff. I don't know what it is about it but I actually like cutting out letters for a title or what have you. I like the paper, the scissors, the stickers and just putting it together. Granted it might not always be the best looking page in the world, the titles aren't the most wittiest things, and you can just bet something is misspelled but that's a minor detail. I find the process fun.

I found a truck load of old scrapbook magazines. Anytime I come up with zilch I like to go through those and see if I can get an idea. Usually works.

Whatever the case, I am trying to find a happy place. Believe me, I have desperately needed one too. Not much to look forward to lately.

I'm doing double duty bible study and man has it been some good stuff just lining right up with where I'm at and giving me oh moments. The trouble has been these oh moments has stirred up some massive backlash.

For a couple of weeks we've had back to back junk going on. Everything from the gas getting shut off to Hubby pulling out of our driveway and ended up clipping someone. The whole money thing has just been beyond nail biting. The emotional outbursts have been hurricane force - and those were just from me.

I've been hesitant to share what all I've been studying because I usually get someone all pissed off about it. My opinion on a book is suddenly slammed and the emails get to be interesting. Who really wants to put out a disclaimer on something they feel God is showing them and speaking to them? Thought that was sort of a duh.

What I got and where I'm at shouldn't make people feel I'm out to attack them. Unless they happen to be satan's little sister, than by all means they should feel attacked. Hope they like it hot - crispy or extra crispy? Just saying.

To make a long story short, I find it rather interesting that all three books and studies I've been reading have been lining up right next to the other and adding something deeper. I also find it down right exhausting on just how bad we have been getting pounded. I've also been surprised just how much unbelief I have floating around. For a BELIEVER that is rather discouraging to see so much unbelief tangled up in just about every area.

If I really believe God is going to take care of me then why am I freaking out? Because things got shut off that's why! Because this, this, AND that has been rather sucky and I have no idea what we're going to do. Then the whole yeah buts roll in. Pretty soon I've found I just made a bunch of agreements that contradict the Word of God. I find myself REALLY struggling to believe that God will provide at all. Especially when we are so far behind.

Dagnabbit.

The sucky part is I find my emotions get so played. I feel.... therefore it must be so. Not necessarily. In the No Other God series, there was this whole section about how satan didn't lie to Eve ex: you won't die if you eat of it. That was true as they didn't physically die but they died spiritually. He left that part out. Sneaky bastard.

So I find myself saying oooh. I repent, break off old agreements and some lies thinking things are turning around. Next nano second something else has come along that gets the emotions totally freaking out. One day I'm feeling confidence the very next I'm on my face sucking carpet wondering if God is even going to pick up the phone.

Nice, huh?

I can say the cool thing, and there have only been a few through this whole ordeal, has been to watch mah Hubs just bloom. Walking with God by John Elderidge - I can't say enough good stuff about it. Totally woke dude up where he was at and saw a lot of tricks that had been holding him back.

Then he pulls out Waking the Dead by the same author. We did a bible study on it years ago and I don't think he even read the book. Now he has about a notebook full of stuff he's gleaned from it. I keep teasing him asking if he's writing a sermon. He looked at me and said he feels like he's going to burst if he doesn't tell someone about it and suddenly we're talking about it.

Who is this person? Can I just tell you the man is deep? He has come up with some good stuff!

I can tell some serious bondage has fallen off of him because the amount of garbage has just been intense and exhausting. He's had some wacky dreams all while I'm up all night praying against some stuff.

Again, I've been hesitant to share. Only reason why I'm even sharing is I have nothing else to blog about. It was either this or go on a full blown rant about the MJ memorial. With all the over exposure I'm sure you would rather not read one more thing about the man.

So my InterPeeps, try to find something fun to do this week. That is my goal. I feel like I may need several days to try and get some life back. There is only so far chocolate can take you.

See?? I told you I was in a bad state - I'm now questioning the goodness of chocolate. Mercy!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Just A Weekend

I hope everyone had a safe and happy 4th of July.

We were a bunch of party poopers. Nothing like last year which is both good and slightly bad. Good part - didn't have all the drama or sickness. Bad part - didn't really do anything. We did managed to leave a bit earlier to see the fireworks and definitely passed on the elephant ears this year.

Fireworks were awesome. Boys said that almost made up for all the people we were sitting near. They are not a fan of the smoking of the cigarettes. None of us are. Hubs grew up with both his folks smoking and once he moved out, asthma attacks went away.

I think the smell of Marlboro and hot pavement will always remind me of waiting in line at Cedar Point. We went every year when I was growing up. I was a huge rollar coaster freak. Was being the key phrase. The thought of it now about makes me turn green. Both the cigarettes and the too many rides.

I'm not a smoker. My brother was much to the dismay of my folks. Lot of times it would just be the 2 of us waiting in the long lines, so he had to smoke. For his part it was a great cover - gosh Mom the people in front of us were smoking like crazy, blah, blah, blah. I had a strong sense to survive and never said a word. They say pick your battles - that was one fight I did not feel like fighting. Especially in public.

I had to chuckle because I have a feeling my kids would have hated being around their uncle.

I looked over at my 3 boys. J was hopping in his seat all excited and kept asking me questions every few seconds. M was jamming out with his MP3 totally ignoring the rest of the world. All while N had his shirt up over his nose and glaring at all the offending parties. The older 2 just sat there, much like their Dad, and did not say one word during the whole display verses J and I had to say something after every single one.

There's a shock for ya. I'm sure you didn't see that one coming. Who would have thought I tend to talk too much?

I tried to cork it, I really did, but it's like this horrible disease. My mouth starts moving before my brain can stop it. I'm not sure if this is proof I'm fast on my feet or if I have a slow brain. The vote is still out on that one.

In answer to Jubilee - yes, Hubs does read my posts. Nothing I say can shock him any more. Dude totally knew what he was getting into when he proposed to me. "Mr. Wiggly being on bread and water" was a quote from a movie - Bird on a Wire with Mel Gibson and Goldie Hawn. For whatever reason, we tend to quote movie lines to each other during our conversation. 1 million and 1 little inside jokes that no one else will get. I've noticed my kids are doing this more and more.

Just one more weird gene floating around in the pool.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Laugh For The Day

Oh my goodness! I read this joke and I couldn't stop laughing! Put the drink down as you don't want to spray your computer, k? Don't say you weren't warned.

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was 'something wrong' with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me. 'I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?'
I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. 'Honey,' I called, 'come look at the lizard!'
'Oh, my gosh!' my wife exclaimed. 'She's having babies.'
'What?' my son demanded. 'But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!'
I was equally outraged. 'Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce,' I said accusingly to my wife.
'Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?' she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!)
'No, but you were supposed to get two boys!' I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).
'Yeah, Bert and Ernie!' my son agreed.
'Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,' she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. 'Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,' I announced. 'We're about to witness the miracle of birth.'
'Oh, gross!' they shrieked.
'Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?' my wife wanted to know.
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.'We don't appear to be making much progress,' I noted.
'It's breech,' my wife whispered, horrified.
'Do something, Dad!' my son urged...
'Okay, okay.' Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.
'Should I call 911?' my eldest daughter wanted to know.'Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.' (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
'Let's get Ernie to the vet,' I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. 'Breathe, Ernie, breathe,' he urged.
'I don't think lizards do Lamaze,' his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake).
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
'What do you think, Doc, a C-section?' I suggested scientifically.
'Oh, very interesting,' he murmured. 'Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?'
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
'Is Ernie going to be okay?' my wife asked.
'Oh, perfectly,' the vet assured us. 'This lizard is not in labor... In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen . . . Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male and occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um... um... ma$turbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.' He blushed, glancing at my wife...
We were silent, absorbing this.
'So, Ernie's just. Just. .. . excited,' my wife offered.
'Exactly!! the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence...
Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
'What's so funny?' I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness...
Tears were now running down her face. 'It's just that...I'm picturing you pulling on its . . . its. .. . teeny little. . .' She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
'That's enough,' I warned.
We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car... He was glad everything was going to be okay. 'I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad, he told me.
'Oh, you have NO idea,' my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
Two lizards: $140.
One cage: $50.
Trip to the vet: $30.
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie: Priceless!
Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class. Lizards lay eggs!


And just because I can't help myself...
He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me . . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said. . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said to me. . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him. . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me. . . Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him. . . They don't have time.

He said to me. . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him. . . I don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
I said to him. . . They already have boyfriends.

He said. . . What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.

He said to me . . . Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

This side splitting humor was your stress reliever. If you are STILL feeling stress, go kick the cat or beat the stuffing out of a helpless pillow.