Friday, August 28, 2009

How Ya'll Doing?

Me?? Well if you see a rather large lump in the middle of my floor that is probably me. Don't step on it as I bite.

I was working on this post for Friday. The date even says Friday. I am all for rewinding the weekend and trying it again but I don't think that would work. For whatever reason, the computer just locked up and I had to pull the plug.

I bet it was mad about what I was saying about it.

The computer switch-o change-o didn't happen yet. My computer is a sad thing. It has crossed over into hooptyville. It has the speed of a snail and the brain power of a gnat. (Veggie fans will pronounce that ga-nat)

Gangsta Ninja (who so wishes to remain anonymous because who would really want to acknowledged that they read this blog any way. Right bro?) helped us out by giving us a better, faster computer. Since I avoid change like the plague, and I have no clue what I'm doing, I just let it sit there next to Hoopty collecting dust trying to ignore it's promises of faster connections and actual brain power.

Not that I have any trust issues or anything. Nope, nooo sirreee. None whatsoever.

So hoopty computer has some information I need to get off of it. No prob, right? Yeah. Plugged in the flashdrive - in the back - and this caused the mouse not to work. Makes it a bit hard to get info without a mouse. Suddenly I remember someone saying hoopty not having enough power to handle both. The poor thing was so confused that it kept winking in and out. Thought it was going to self-destruct.

I almost rebooted it - the hard way.

So I spent some time to see if it really had any info I was going to miss, printed off what I could, and came to grips to kiss the rest of it good-bye.

I was telling Hubs this and he said he would take a look at it later.

Dramatic pause for angst to build up.

Ex-squeeze me?? I couldn't make it work, therefore he would be able to pull his powers of persuasion and get hoopty to work? Like all the other times didn't count because......?


He gave it a once over and declared it wouldn't work. Do tell. Should I bow now or later, super genius?

It didn't help that what I was mad at him about earlier this week bit US in the butt - just like I said it would. He forgot to deposit his check but said we could deposit it through ATM and then go write a check to grocery shop and the bank would cover it.

Yeah it didn't work. Like I said it wouldn't. But what would I know? I'm just comic relief. At least that's what I tell myself as everyone laughs as I bash my head into the wall 20 times. And fun was had by all.

So those dreams of a fully functioning computer is put on hold for another day or 3.

With all this loving feeling that was floating in the air, I kicked the fam to the curb and peeled out left to go do some McTalking time with Kerri Thursday night.


Kerri and I had an awesome time at our suppose-to-be-bible-study-but-Joanna-was-a-crazy-loon time. We laughed, we cried, and had chocolate. I have to tell you, of all the people I love to make laugh, second to Hubs, it is Kerri. Just makes my day.

At first I thought there was something sick about enjoying making a person with a trach laugh but after thinking about it, only makes it better. Big smooches girl, you're a hoot!

I like making people laugh and if I can get you to spray your drink than all the better. I have like a secret tally card of all the people I have made spray their drink from laughing so hard. I'm rather proud of it because I've nailed just about every person I know. Even people I don't know and have told me via email OR watching them hose themselves down from listening in on my conversation. Serves them right.


It's got to be some sort of sick disease or something. I wonder if there is some comedic recovery group. My luck I would be stuck with a bunch of dead beat clowns trying to get me to pull the balloon out of their pocket. Thanks, but no.

I'll pause while you try to get that visual out of your head.

Ready?

Anyhoo, we came to the conclusion I'm having some depression issues. I thought everyone went for a few months without sleeping, telling random people they suck, and over all saying 'you people make my a$$ twitch' (quote from French Kiss)
So that sort of shocked me. Who knew that wasn't normal??

In other news...

Dianne and Kaye sent me a nice little video message. Totally made my day. Ladies, I need to defend you. I got a couple emails of my InterPeeps asking if ya'll are really mad at each other. At this point I don't have a clue, but it's freakin hoolarious. But now I'm left hanging of the fate of the innocent watermelon. Did it survive or is it still being held as a hostage? Will someone snap and smash it? The world may never know.


No, they aren't mad at each other. But don't you just love all the snarkiness in bloggyland? Seriously starting to wonder if I have some issues. I mean, above and beyond the usual ones.

But I hear that they have started an eating club in honor of our McTalking time. I had to wipe the drool off my chin as they showed me pictures of chocolate dunking.


Ah, chocolate. How I have such a deep bond with thee. Both good and evil. How could chocolate be evil?

Wonder if I should admit that I got really mad at my brother one time and made a pan of brownies. I know, not a big shocker of omission. Except I may, or may not have, ground up a few or 10 of the Exlax laxative chocolate pieces and put it in the brownie batter and then baked it. Then stood there and watched with smug satisfaction as he and a couple of his friends ate the whole thing.

Nah, no one would actually believe that I would do something so...so...evil.

Crickets chirping

Right?

Silence

He had it coming, I mean, if I really would have done it.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Gasp

Is it a bad sign when it suddenly dawned on me that I haven't even sat down to write my blog post at 1-ish in the morning? No? You're right, it hasn't stopped me before. But usually I have the oh my gosh what am I going to blog about rolling around in my head.

So here I sit. Very tired, dazed and may, or may not, have a ring of chocolate around my mouth. Got into a rip roaring, intense disagreement with Hubs as we were about ready to go grocery shopping. All this brought me was a silent drive to Taco Bell, of all places, and suddenly near perfect children as they tried to stay out of the storm.

I'm starting to think Hubs has a hankering for the colon bomb known as Taco Bell whenever we get into it. When the view points don't line up, we tend to run to the border, fill up our stomachs with questionable food and then spread the noxious gas clouds all over Stuffmart.

Others have screaming children, I have atomic fart bombs.

I could try to look at this all bright and cheery like 'a family that farts together, laughs together' but that only causes more fumes. Not to mention there is more laughter when unsuspecting people walk right into it, thus creating more fumes. Vicious cycle.

Nope, not feeling it. If you're looking for sunshine than you are in the wrong place. Please head towards the exit for your own safety. The rest of you have been here long enough and know what to expect.

I have finally learned that when I'm in a mood to just keep my trap shut. I've walked into too many clouds of mexi-death, with my mouth open, all because I was griping about something. I can tell you the Heavens have rejoiced upon hearing this declaration and there are a few people out there that won't believe it. (I never said for how long.)

I was now hip to the boys' digestive tract guerrilla warfare. I swear men will stick together verses women will claw each others eyes out for the last piece of chocolate. Those guys zipped around every corner and made a bee line for the end of the aisle while I had to commando crawl through the green clouds of doom, grabbing whatever I thought might have been on the list.

It was hard to tell as my eyes were watering so bad.

If all this wasn't just a barrel of monkeys, there was some lady that had a screaming child that was in the same aisle as we were. While she was out of our scent danger zone, as in ahead of the guys, we were smack dab in her hearing danger zone.

Normally we just hear the wails as they echo over the entire building. This time it was up close and personal. The last nerve was starting to pulse.

I actually did something that shocked Hubs. He had this look of awe and wonderment and came real close to shedding a tear. No, I didn't cut one in the middle of the cereal aisle, but it was just as shocking.

By the 4th time we had to be stuck in the same aisle with the screaming urchin of terror, I decided to let my inner Cruella come out to play. The mother was completely ignoring her kid. It wasn't the 'I'm exhausted and I don't know what to do' type of thing, it was the 'I'm talking on the phone and could care less what is going on around me'.

I kept hoping we would pass her up and let her get a whiff of the cloud of doom but I think the green hue gave us away and she made sure to stay ahead of the stench. She so deserved to get a mouth full of the fart cloud. I finally said rather loudly to the boys, 'that is why birth control was invented'.

Suddenly the whole store came to a screeching halt. Even the brat stopped howling long enough to look at me as did the mother. She glared at me only to have a glare already standing there waiting for her.

I kid you not, I had that whole scene from Fried Green Tomatoes I had blogged about going through my head. Where she slammed into that other car simply because she had had enough. That and more insurance.

There I stood, with that last nerve twitching for a showdown. Granted, it's a little rusty since my Mom isn't around to kick it into shape, but the old broad was still willing to give a good slipper slap down. Wisely the gal said nothing and made a fast exit. Both relief and disappointment had a moment of who was going to reign supreme. I was still standing there twitching and, I think, snorting wanting to unleash hell but the intended victim was already gone. I sort of snapped out of it, which is I beat Cruella back into her coffin, and realized that Hubs, the boys, and the rest of the aisle was giving me a standing ovation.

I almost wonder if I should start carrying a disclaimer. Warning! If you see the vein on this side or that side starting to pulse you have exactly 6 seconds to exit the area. Signed: from the people that have to live with her, acknowledge her in public, and/or the good of all man-kind.

It would explain why people give me the double-take and then dive out of my way when I'm shopping. I've been known to walk by people totally clueless as I am in the zone. Get the food and get out all before the plan is shredded to heck.

I've actually tried to run my life that way. Hasn't stopped the plan from going totally wonky though. Go figure.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I Got Nothing In My Noggin

Ok, it is 3 am. I'm tired and cranky. All I want to do is go to bed. Looong day. But I can say the new Skillet album totally rawks! Get the deluxe - you won't be sorry.

So with nothing in my noggin...

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him....He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."

(Thanks Jubilee)
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said....
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."

BUS RIDE
Two women's golf teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana.
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she had not heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go upstairs and conduct an investigation.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered,
'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!'


A BLONDE'S YEAR IN REVIEW (Thanks Kerri)
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!....bottles won't fit in printer!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months. Box said '2-4 years!'
April - Trapped on escalator for hours ...... Power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition. Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... Car swamped because soft-top was open.
September - The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ... Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December - Couldn't call 911. 'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!


A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'
To which she replied, 'There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying ...'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'


HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim. I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside.
'Cooter'

Monday, August 24, 2009

It's Not Fully Clean Unless It's....

Who knew the drama of a dirty sleeping bag could cause people to be concern for my well being? Either that or they knew which laundry mat I was referring to. Rest assured Hubs got home early and braved it. We now have a clean sleeping bag AND it's all packed up. So camping mess is 100% packed up.

Glad Hubs went and not me. He was smart enough to look the part. Still in work clothes - check. Brought MP3 and rocked out to some heavy metal - check. Closed eyes and slightly head banged to the music thus eliminating all attempts at conversation to zero - check.

He is good. He also says it's a lot nicer than some of the ones we used to go to. He had to go and bring up that memory.

With the whole anniversary and all, plus me wading through all the baby pictures my slacker self is just now getting around to scrapbook, we've been strolling down memory lane when he reminded me of all the fun times we had at the laundry mat in those first few years.

Again, a memory I tried to dislodge with an ice cream scooper. But thanks dear, you proved your Jedi mind tricks can bring anything back from the dead.

What could be so bad you ask? Imagine a Geo Metro car loaded with 2 car seats, a diaper bag, and about 14 loads of clothes. There was the art of bringing everything in. I hauled in the boys and stayed with them while Hubs got stuck bringing in everything else. It got harder and harder the older they got. Plus keeping them entertained all while trying to do a truck load of laundry proved to be such a joyous time.

Go do that every week and see how long it takes for the twitching to stop.


Toss in the fact that everyone wanted to stop and tell me their twin story. For whatever reason, people feel the need to comment on multiples and wanted me to know that they were related to a set of twins twice removed on their uncle's side of the family. I bet their family tree didn't even fork. Many moms of multiples have come up with the don't make eye contact with people so they won't ask you questions. Doesn't always work.

The stories I could tell. The questions I've been asked. I'll have to save that one for another blog post. Titled 'how not to make an arse of yourself with a mother of multiples' - please do not point and stare. Yes, she is glad it's her and not you too. And we fail to see how they were conceived is any of people's business.

Hubs always got the pat on the back with the you did it twice in one night, right? Thanks Cletus for asking. It's both fascinating and disturbing as to why you would want to know the answer to this.

Wow, I had forgotten all of that. Now I remembered why I chose to block a lot of that out.

Where was I? Laundry.

Back in the day when gas was cheap, we figured out it was cheaper for the tank of gas to go to my folks house, do all the laundry all day long so the boys weren't pinned into their car seats for hours on end and come back home. And Mom usually fed us so that was a bonus. Granted I was driving home at like 1 am but it was better than the laundry mat.

You know, suddenly my night owl tendencies are starting to make sense.

Then we moved into an apartment that had a stackable washer and dryer that could hold like 3 pairs of jeans. 4 if you used the broom handle to cram it all in.

Good times.

So while I do whine and complain joke around about doing the laundry, I will still take it over the laundry mat any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Now that the camping stuff is all put away, I'm hoping to start on the den tomorrow. I make no promises as the new
Skillet album is out and we're making a trip to go hunt this bad boy down. Guys are all excited about it.

Which means they will have me up at oh dark thirty for the quest for awesome metal. Which is why I was slightly tempted to taint their sweet tea with liquid Benedryl at dinner. But luckily for them I was all out.

I left a note for Hubs to lock our door so they can't come pounce on me. Too bad there is no way for this to happen. Old house, old doors - I'm just thankful we even have a lock. That is the reason that room is ours. I'm a firm believer in the sound of a lock as the first step to foreplay. I did say FIRST step.

Moving on..

Forgive me for not answering in the comments. SITS stands for The Secret is In The Sauce. I have their blog button over on the side. It's a blog support group where we try to pass on the comments and find new blogs. When I get a lot of SITS comments it's because I was still up at 2:30 am and got on roll call before 100 other people.

Hopefully that makes it clear as mud.

What is weird about all of that is - I can't seem to be able to pick 3 posts of mine that I think is worthy to submit to be the featured blog of the day. I've asked Hubs what 3 post are the all time best, which he replies no clue.

His support is underwhelming.

Then I get hit with why bother, so I don't.

Overachiever, I'm not.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sheer Randomness

What? You actually thought I could think this junk up into a consistent post? You must be new here.

You would not believe how many subjects I completely jumped around on this one. It was so bad I had to edit myself and delete a bunch of it. A tool I'm not familiar with. I think I tossed in everything but the kitchen sink.

A lot of times I'll sit down to write a post with nothing in mind. This should shock no one. I find myself just randomly tossing things out there to see where I end up. I've come to the conclusion I have no sense of direction whatsoever.

Good news is all the camping junk is 98% put away. A sleeping bag needs to get washed and no it's not mine. But I have to wash this thing in the tub or go find a front loader. The local laundry mat sort of scares me and I'm not sure I could haul in the sleeping bag, a weapon of choice, plus soap, and some form of book to entertain myself to make it worth all the hassle. Now I just have to come up with a way to line dry it. In the tub.

Sadly, the school stuff is still all over the place. Still working on all the scheduling. We aren't starting tomorrow like I had hoped. The boys are thrilled. Now that the camping stuff is out of the way I now have laundry baskets in its place.

Not to mention the mountain of bills, unpaid bills, 2500 pounds worth of notices of unpaid bills, and some random junk mail. I'm still confused as to why I will get a bill but then 5 other notices of the same bill demanding my attention to its delinquent status and my need to fix it pronto.

Why thank you. I just knew I was forgetting to do something today. Now that I have a butt load of mail to deal with I'm going to have to save getting around to paying the darn bill for another day.

I have this stack of things I need to go through and shred. Then I noticed that all my scrapbook junk is blocking the shredder sooo...

I've sort of been avoiding all that.

I hope I'll be able to get this last layout scrapped and then I'll tackle all the scrapbook stuff and get the den all cleaned up. Then I can work on this computer that I have been avoiding for months. Right about now there is someone out there giving me judgemental looks. Since I can't see you nanner nanner. But I may have to call a time or 20 to walk me through all this computer stuff.

I can handle the programs, it's loading of the programs that cause me to wring my hands. And possibly fill up the cuss jar. Which is why we don't have a cuss jar. One more thing that is overflowing and looking sadly messy. We just can't be having that, now can we?

So when I look at this pile here and this other mountain over there and this thing to deal with, I get hit with this massive dose of I-don't-want-to-itis and sit down until that feeling passes.

I thought I may have adult ADD but after reading about it I don't. I'm just lazy and unorganized. One more thing to make me feel oh so good about myself. I just can't seem to make up my mind which path I'm going to go down first, so I try to see if I can go down all the paths at the same time. You only get so far before you realize this ain't gonna work, Maude.

What can I say? It's the special sauce of my own brand of crazy.

Am I the only person out there that forgets which emails they have responded to and which they haven't? Anyone?? I have about 5 emails that I need to reply to but I know that I responded to 2 of them. I just can't remember which 2.

Maybe I DO have issues with attention. Or maybe I tend to zone out and then snap back and forget where I was at. I use to do that when I was a kid only to end up saying something along the lines of 'I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention but I find the topic you were on really didn't interest me nor did I feel that it mattered to me'. About that time my brain showed back up to say, 'oh crap, we're screwed' because this was said to a teacher or 4, the principal, not to mention my parents on several occasions.

Proof that Jesus really does love me.

But I've noticed my attitude for things that hold little interest for me remains. The attitude of cleaning the house has been a big one for a long time. Again, our place isn't like those shows where there are piles of junk all over the place. You can enter each room and sit on the furniture. It's just the dust, the mail clutter, the mutant dust bunnies that have been known to Tarzan swing on the cobwebs is what I usually ignore.

When I was first married, anytime my folks would visit my Mom would always comment on how poorly I did on cleaning.

What a shock. My Mom criticizing me - who would have thought?

Growing up, Saturdays we always cleaned. I can tell you I hated it because I never cleaned to my Mom's standards. It's not that I was a slacker but it was very discouraging to do something to the best of my ability and it not meet the standard.

After a while I got an attitude. I know, y'all are just terribly shocked over this information. I can't even claim that was before Jesus. I did repent - later. A lot of years later. But I noticed the attitude did remain regarding housework and a few other areas.

Where was I? Avoiding housework? Always. Making a point? Rarely, but I try. What was it? Oh yeah, something about attention or lack of it.

I had this long winded part about how something inside me said screw it, why bother and I've been blocked on a lot of things. I was telling Hubs that the whole why bother has been going strong last few weeks. There are things to do and stuff to get done and effort to be made but I slam into a major wall of why bother. So I don't.

We've been talking a lot lately about making agreements and who's side are we making that agreement with which has been pretty eye opening. He did say I should ask God why bother and see what He has to say about it. I've posed the question and I'm waiting on the answer. I know He'll answer it, I just never know when.

I think I've made some wrong agreements about not meeting a standard no matter how hard I try so why bother. Hmm, very interesting. What have you agreed with?

Friday, August 21, 2009

It Was A Good Day

Thanks for all the well wishes. We had a great time.

Before I describe the day, I feel I need to say that Paint is a pain in the butt as that header was really hard to get right. Can't say as I'm fully satisfied with it, but it got to the point where I better stop before I hurt something. Like the computer. I don't have a better program to work with, so make lemonade with what you got type of thing.

But glad y'all like the new look. It took me about all blooming day long to get it to finally work. Pant, wheez, snort!

The slaughtered Jelly Bellies were a mixed flavored bag. Bulk no less. Made for the squishing easier. Since the said squishing was going on while they were in the pocket, I have no idea what flavor I demolished. He laughed when he saw the bag but ended up seeing it by lunchtime. Then he read my post while I was out of the room. Totally killed my planned.

Actually the day did not go according to plan. It turned out better. How much like life is that?? Has not gone according to plan - ever! Only I'm still waiting on it to get better.

Hubby was home really early as they were rained out. We ended up seeing a movie earlier in the day and that ended up working out better. Time Traveler's Wife. Oh my word, good movie! Have Kleenex on hand. I want to get the book, thinking if the movie is this good, the book should be better. That quest shall be for another day.

We came back home and got pizza for the boys and left again. This teenager thing isn't too bad! We went out to eat and had an awesome meal and a great time just talking. Then we went to 2 bookstores and I got some books.

Wonderful sigh

Hate to break it to ya ladies, but Hubs does have some romance in him. After reading my blog, he pulled out a poem - again. He has a thing for poems. My marriage proposal was in a poem. How can you turn that down? Honestly? He sings too AND can cook.

With permission....

THE MAN THAT YOU DESERVE
For so long, I've wished to be
More than what I thought
And now His hand is making me
The man which be I ought

For all the love you've given me
I owe more than I have shown
His Spirit molds what used to be
To the man you've always known

For you saw God's man deep inside
The outer shell I'd hidden in
All my self-loathing could not hide
The future that you saw within

For all these years, I've longed and prayed
For God to change me into that man
For all these years, you've loved and stayed
And waited for God's plan

I love you much more than I can say
With words, I cannot show
I'm so grateful that you chose to stay
This I hope you know

I'll learn to love you like the Son
Who lives to love and serve
As God makes me into the One
The man that you deserve

*swoon*

Back off ladies, he's mine! hee hee

And before we take him too seriously. We were goofing off with the camera. I told him I needed a new picture for my FB profile. I can't even begin to explain the ordeal this turned into. Nor can I fully express just how goofy we got. The boys were on the floor laughing. So you can say fun was had by all.

I'm mean, doesn't he look like he's having fun??

Couldn't stop laughing after that one. Took me forever to try and have a straight face.

But then I realized - it's just my face. That is as straight as it's going to get.

Now could someone please get the theme song from Farmville out of my head? I actually had a dream about it last night. (hangs head in shame)

Thursday, August 20, 2009

To The Love Of My Life

I'm sitting here trying to come up with the words. And not just any words but the RIGHT words. Sadly, I'm at a loss.

How can I wrap words around all the feelings, the ups and downs, the good, the bad, and the ugly emotions? Words just don't cover it. They don't touch it.

How can I express all the little inside jokes and what they mean to me? How I would be lost if I couldn't share them with you? How you'll catch me smiling for no reason other than just because or the smug look one of us will give the other one just because.

I love how we laugh.
I hate when we fight. But making up has got to be some serious icing on that cake.
I really don't like how 'not enough time' has been crowding into everything lately.

I've noticed a lot of our fights can be linked back to feeling unconnected to each other and how hard it is to stay connected. It seems like everything is against us. At one point I thought I had all the time in the world now it has turned into an enemy.

Last week the thought of 15 years hit me. It no longer feels like it was just yesterday. There is very much been there, done that feeling. We no longer have babies or even little kids under foot. Dang, where did the time go?

You don't know it yet, but when we go out later tonight I have a pack of Jelly Belly jelly beans for you. You'll get it as soon as you see it. You'll remember how we were hanging out, just friends, when I was wearing your coat and you had a huge pack of them in your pocket. You'll remember I teased you that I squished some of them and you didn't believe me. But when you found a few squished beans later you had to hunt me down because you couldn't believe the nerve I had on what was it? 'killing an innocent jelly bean for no good reason'. Good gravy did that ever start a jelly bean war. May they rest in pieces.

I think you were hooked from that moment on. All because I was weird enough to squish a jelly bean and all because you were weird enough to think it was cute.

Love just seems too small of a word to wrap it all up in.

Happy Anniversary, honey. Here's to not killing each other and for living to fight another day. I love you more than words can say. I'm forever grateful that you get me. Even when I don't.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

This May Just Prove I Am A Goob

So what did I spend most of Tuesday doing? Well that would be a cross between bawling my head off after finding out the payroll check bounced and going farm crazy on Facebook. They should call it Facecrack or Crackbook.

I've heard of people getting addicted to games and what have you but I wasn't even interested. Then the whole, gosh I'm bored and in about 45 minutes I need to start cooking dinner, when I was pulled to the dark side.

Remember Sylvester saying, 'one little bird, no one will know'?? Yeah.

Hubs asked how was my day. After all the wringing of the hands and his annoying calm reason of we'll be okay, I think my voice returned to it's normal pitch. He said his boss already told him about it and they'll cut him another check and all the fees will be covered as well. So yes, we'll be okay. But this so did not help the situation.

So after all that, I was telling him about how I've been getting confused on Farmville and Farm Town and all the blah, blah, blah and this crop grows faster on that one but I get confused as to which blah, blah, blah...

It took me a while to notice the deafening silence that was coming through the phone. I thought the call was dropped. He started chuckling at me. The nerve. I said it was no shock that I was a dork on many levels so why should one more level be any surprise to him. More chuckling.

Me: Okay, what is so funny?
Hubs: You are.
Me: Why?
Hubs: Because you take like 20 minutes to explain, and justify, why you are doing yet another thing on the computer.
Me: And this is hilarious because?
Hubs: I just find it amusing.
Me: Why do you find it amusing?
Hubs: Oh no, you're not tricking me into one of those long winded conversations of explain my every thought behind every feeling. Forget about it!
Me: Dang! I rushed it. Usually you walk right into those.
Hubs: more chuckling

And just to keep him laughing...

Remember the mouse? The larger than life mouse, Vinnie, that winked at me?? Oh happy day he wasn't a rat. Repeat - wasn't. How do I know? Because his fat caboose got kersnapped in the mouse trap. Booyah!

So when Hubs walked into the mud room/pantry and saw the dead thing, he yelled, "I caught you, you fat bastard!"
To which I replied, "Okay, I'm sorry! I was hungry and wanted a snack."
After much laughing, he said not me. Proving he is rather smart. A bit slow, but smart.

In other who cares news, my fingers are still hurting from all the erasing of older workbooks. I told Hubs that for the Latin book I'm going to just type it out and print it off. I don't think I have enough erasers or finger strength! Ouch.

Also found out that the air-conditioning until from upstairs is leaking on the downstairs one and cold water has soaked the carpet all around the window. I spent most of the evening sucking that up with the shop vac.

Good times.

Found out the boys knew of this much earlier and never said anything about it. Then I had to fight the urge not to smack them, and myself, upside the head. I may have said repeatedly, 'frontal lobe misfire' a time or 2. Hundred.

After the guys all went off to bed, I snuck back over to the computer to check my crops only to discover my friend Missy who got me started on it was hanging out at her farm. We were chatting away on her farm when she said hold on and my phone starting ringing. It was her. She walked me through a few more things and we got to chatting.

Proof that I may be a goob but at least I have a good time doing it.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Well

I know. Don't even looking at me all accusing like. Seriously.

I even got a phone call from The Gangsta Ninja to complain. Now I don't know if he'll go all ninja-y or gangster-y on me. Not sure I want to find out. Sorry I haven't had a chance to call back. That is on my list of things to do for Tuesday.

Afternoon-ish.

Lets see, what am I missing? Oh yes, a post. Did I get any scrapbooking done for those few of you who care? That would be a big ol' N to the O. It took me all weekend to get the stupid relish made and canned and blah, blah, blah.

By the time I got the guys out the door, (as in toss them out, slammed the door, and locked it) I was pretty tired. I took my gifty from Jill and had a chocolate shake smelling bubble bath. I sat there until I was a prune. If only it would melt away the fat...

Once that was all done, I sat and watched a couple girly movies. One being Fried Green Tomatoes. I don't know why, but the scene where Kathy Bates snaps at losing her parking space and slamming into that other car like 6 times cracks me up. Every.single.time.

Then when she told her elderly friend, who's name I can't remember, her reply was 'how many of them hormones are you taking, honey?' - gets me to snorting with laughter.

I'm sure you really wanted to know that. But that all happened Friday night.

Last night I sat down around 9 p.m. and was out cold. Hubs woke me up to say he was going to bed and I should too. I didn't argue. I hadn't been sleeping a whole lot for a couple weeks so I was surprised I sacked out so fast and so hard - so early.

Today's project was starting to erase some older workbooks and getting stuff prepared for school. My arm is a bit sore now. Then I got a bit over farmed out on facebook. Farmville, Farm Town, and Farm Pals. This is my idea of dealing with nature without all the smell.

Wha? Me? A slacker?? That would be correct.

Boys are excited about their science. May I just stress the word science. Found something that explains English a bit better. We're in the process of seeing how to work all that in. This is the part where Hubs earns his keep on the homeschooling front. Otherwise, I would be sitting in a corner, sucking my thumb, humming 99 bottles of something on the wall.

Oh Lord, the rapture thing would really help me out about now.

Seeings how that hasn't bailed me out on a few other ish-yahs, lets not hold our breath, m'kay?

The rate we're going, I'm starting to stress about starting next week. I would like to start next week but can't make any promises. It just takes a lot to figure it all out for all three boys and figure out schedules and what have you plus to make sure computers are all functioning. On top of that we're in the process of saving stuff from one computer to switch over to another computer.

Just a lot of juggling schedules of who's going to use which computer at which time and who's using this book for that subject at what time. And I bet it's all going to have to be tweaked by the time it's all said and done.

Sigh

The boys said how they've had a very busy yet boring summer. I feel bad but nothing can be done. They are on the countdown to the new Skillet CD being released. I so need to find them some friends their own age.

Slacker mom strikes again. When we moved, we lost all our homeschool connections. I had the boys in a large co-op but oh my word it was soooo much work. Major burn out. Haven't wanted to do one since.

I did hear something that made me feel better. Most of the time comments people have about homeschooling ranks right up there with having multiples - glad it's you and not me. So I'm used to hearing the negative. But my aunt told me she's had a change in heart towards homeschooling. She did some volunteer work at their local school and was appalled by the behavior. She told me to hang in there, keep it up, and to be encouraged.

Can't even begin to tell you how big that was for me. This is the same aunt/uncle who's appeared judgement I was a fearing.

Friday, August 14, 2009

TGIF

While that saying is usually reserved for the working people, I still think I qualify even though I chose not to get paid for my work. I didn't think that one through too well, did I? Anyway, I am happy it's Friday. Why, do you ask? Okay, you didn't but lets just pretend. Hubs is taking the boys camping.

Cue heavenly music

I feel like this is my last weekend for scrapapalooza and then I need to put it all away and crack down on the school stuff.

Cue dooms day music

I'm not sure I'll actually get a lot of scrapbook stuff done. I need to finish up canning some relish which means I'll probably spend tomorrow grinding up veggies and letting the stuff soak over night. So my goal is to get it done during the morning (yeah right) and then have the rest of the time to scrapbook.

Not making any promises. I've left it all out and have come and gone on stuff whenever I felt like it, but I know I need to get it put up. I'm actually a little sad to do it. Most of the time I don't scrapbook is because I don't want to pull all the stuff out and deal with it.

Hence the reason why I still have baby pictures I have yet to do. And we are waay past the baby stage around here.

The boys are a bit put out that I didn't work on their books. Who knew? Most of the time they could care less what I'm doing and then when it's done they ooh and ahh then that's nice. Hmm, sort of what I do to them when they show me their latest Lego creation.

Had a good time with Kerri at our McTalking/bible study. I did get a chuckle that there were a few people that seemed to be enjoying listening in on our conversation. One lady clearly did not like us sitting there with our bibles. She glared at me most of the time so I made sure to flash her a big ol' smile.

This only made her glare all the more. Made a mental note not to frown so much when I'm an old biddy because this created creases that could have swallowed the french fries whole. And you wouldn't have noticed it.

I guess I was on a lot of people's minds this week. I got a phone call from my cousin on Dad's side and my aunt on my Mom's side. They wanted to know if I was still in the land of the living. I said the jury was still out on that one.

They both thought that was funny.
I wasn't kidding.
Dang it.

It turns out we may actually be able to save our house under the Obama plan. This may mean I can't post anymore snarky comments about the government in general. We shall see what the fine print has to say. So the jury is still out for now. But we have to make sure to get a payment in before September or our house moves into foreclosure status.

Good times.

Oh and Hubs isn't working tomorrow.

As I told Kerri, I am pretty shocked at how much I struggle to believe. So easy to say yes amen when it's going good but it's another when all your senses are screaming you're screwed.

Other than that not much to blog about. Hope ya'll have a good weekend.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Sound Of Me Falling To The Floor

Trip to wally world - check. A ton of screaming children - check. Got home in record time - check. Everything put away - check.

Later that evening saw the biggest mouse slowly waltz across our kitchen floor - check.
Same large mouse made sure to turn around, make eye contact with me, and I do believe had the nerve to wink at me, as well as give me the bird before squeezing his fat butt under the dishwasher - check.
Me running the dishwasher if the vain hopes that the biggest mouse I ever saw gets zapped - check.

Okay, I can't come up with a blooming thing after that other than AAAHHHH EEEWWW EEWWW! EEEKKKK! AAAHHH! Doesn't make for good reading does it?

So...
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the Chip Monks.

You didn't even see it coming did you?? ;)

If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat tinned pork because of swine flu ignore it.
It's just --SPAM.

Think about this:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow...

THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Congress is this --you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians - it creates a hostile work environment.

CASH FOR CLUNKERS..........I QUALIFY
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it -- Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires. CASH FOR CLUNKERS..........I QUALIFY - How about You?

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD
Well, .... I forgot what it was.

THE COAT HANGER
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever.
She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse.
She said, 'You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.'
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, 'I don't know how to use this.'
She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes a beat up old motor cycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, 'This is what you sent to help me?' But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, 'Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?'
He said, 'Sure.' He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.
She hugged the man and through her tears she said, 'Thank you so much! You are a very nice man.'
The man replied, 'Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.'
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, 'Oh , thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!'

Is - GOD GOOD - or what!

(Thanks Margie - not only for the laughs but for your constant encouragement. You mean a lot to me.)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

You Got To Be Kidding Me

You can tell it's getting closer to back to school time. Angst is in the air. Parents all winking and giving each other high fives - unless you're homeschooling, then it's business as usual.

Last week I had to go to stuffmart to pick up a few things, while there we went by the school supply area. As we were walking by I snagged a bag of pens and a few other items. I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible from the lady with the truck load of kids that were tossing each other into the bins of school supplies.

What can I say other than 75 cents for a 10 pack of pens was worth it?

Later that day, I was looking at the package of pens and it just sent me to boil. "Bic Cristal Celebrating 50 years in the USA" the package boldly stated. So in honor of their 50 years in the USA they are having a give away of find the pen with the gold ink and you can win a 14 K gold bullion bar. It said to see details on back. Okie-dokie. Turned it over and it said made in Mexico.

WHAT??

Celebrating 50 years in the USA but now made in Mexico?? I happened to noticed our toothpaste and a few other goods that have on the darn product with something or another about it being a proud USA product on the front but flip it over and a lot of it says made in China OR made in Mexico. So why slap a USA label on it?

The company I am most angry with is Hershey. I lurv me some Hershey. If I were to have an autopsy I can guarantee no drugs would be found but you can take it to the bank that there would be some form of Hershey floating in the system.

We even toured the place 3 summers ago. I wanted to test their security system. My MIL and I had a plan that both of us would dive into their vat of chocolate and see how long it took to be rescued. Sadly their security turned out to be very well as we could only ride their little ride with singing cows telling us how they make the wonderfulness known as Hershey's chocolate all on the other side of some very thick Plexiglas.

It took about 2 months to get the darn song out of my head, btw.

Let me tell you, my MIL and I both searched our purses to see if we could cut through that thick Plexiglas. We were even willing to toss FIL at the thing a time or twenty to break it.

It's the little things that can make you bond.

However, we knew our efforts were lost when we saw the darn beaters. It wouldn't have shaved off those troubled areas - it would have sliced and diced us to bits. But what a way to go - smothered in chocolate. Guess it really would have been death by chocolate.

We took yet another tour to hear how Mr. Hershey originally started with caramel and had gone bankrupt 2 or 3 times to finally get his dream up and running. It said several times how proud he was that his product was an American made product.

Would you like to know it's now made in Mexico?

Bet old man Hershey is doing a twirl or two in his grave over that.

What did crack me up about the whole Bic pens was their game was only open for legal residents of the 50 States and Washington D.C. Got to love that - legal resident.

If you'll excuse me I need to meet a new friend - a Mr. Nestle and see where he's made from.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I Have Egg-cellent Peeps

Well y'all were nice - not even one mean email. I guess it helps to throw out there an ahhh, I'm a chicken so don't send it. This seems to have hold off the you're a (find the adjective of choice) comments.

So that was a relief.

Trouble is all those nasty comments turned into nasty people that are stalking me on Twitter. I'm having to block a few people daily either from comments and/or pictures. I am a bit clueless on the whole Twitter thang and have no idea how people are finding me. Sort of feel I'm such a tiny blimp on that screen why bother with it.

I love how that almost makes me sound important. Most people have thousands following them or are following thousands. I don't even know enough people to respond to the chain emails I get. You know the ones - send this to 10 people and say a quick prayer and God will come through with a miracle by 10 am tomorrow.

So far my belly button hasn't fallen off so I'm thinking a few of those have been false. And the 2 I did send, did not come through like it promised. The shock and the horror of it all. I may now need to send out apology emails.

I need to apologize on my emailing too - I have totally neglected all my email buddies. I'm not clever enough to send out a mass email of dude, or dudettes in this case, so sorry - me, with egg on my face.

Continuing on with my chicken theme, I haven't called back my uncle yet. Hopefully I'll get on that before he calls me back. And speaking of phone calls... I got 2 calls from my Mom's "friends". (You have to say that with a sarcastic tone while doing big air quotes as it sets the mood.)

Seriously, how do these people find me?? My favorite part about all that is they all say the same thing. "I have something that might help your folks. Give me a call so I can send it to you so you can get the info to them quickly."

Hold the phone there, Skippy. If it's so important and has to absolutely get there overnight, FedEx the thing to them and leave me out it. If they want to send them a file and some hand tools, then they can have their own return address all over it - not mine.

I was talking about it with my MIL today. This last week I was really praying on my folks' behalf. Against my will. Did you pick up on I really didn't want to go before the Lord with a request on their behalf? Especially when I could think up of several other topics - like who really is the father of Paris Jackson?

So what seeking MIL's thoughts on the matter. She did not agree with sending out cards to them. She said the best mature Christian route to take with them is to whack them upside the head with a boat ore.

She may be onto something there.

But in the course of the conversation she asked when were we going to start school. In my special brand of crazy, I was pretending it was still July. That sort of shattered that so I looked at the calender and screamed holy ****.

I'll leave it to your own decision what you thought I said. And for the record, many words only have 4 letters in them so get your mind out of the gutter.

Wait, this is me we're talking about. Okay, scratch that.

Anyhoo, this had me sitting in the corner breathing through a bag trying not to hyperventilate. (Not true! Total exaggeration. I was never allowed to hyperventilate.) About that time my eyes landed on a book that sort of helped me get a grip.

Lorraine, thank you so much for sending that my way and thanks Jill for dropping it off. I think you knew it was going to hit me before I did. Or you've read this post and knew it was going to happen again. While I'm still a bit overwhelmed with it all and my hands are still shaking, I think it's rather funny I'm on the section of "Out Of Fear And Into Freedom."

Of course, my definition would be the rapture so I'm off the hook. Something tells me I'm not that lucky.

I was doing a little bit better when one of the boys strolled by asking what was for dinner. Then the thought dawned on me I have to make a grocery list. Once again I muttered holy **** and tried to reach for my pretend paper bag in a vain attempt at comfort.

I asked N if we were going to have a good school year. He said he made no guarantees. *Sigh* At least he's honest. That has to count for something, right?

Monday, August 10, 2009

Stupid Computer

So did everyone have a nice weekend? It got up into the 90s and we had some nasty thunderstorms.

Which means it cooked what little brains I had left.

How else can you explain why I can't figure out how to put the post I chickened out on as a new post?

Eh, if you're interesting scroll down or click here.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Ch-Chicken

Yes this is a bit late. But in my defense I stayed up late working on a blog post. It's still sitting there in draft mode. I'm just not sure if I'm brave enough to post it.

Was having some ooo moments during my bible study that got me to take another look at a verse I hadn't seen before. One of those go through all the surface stuff and got right on the mark. Oooowwwieee!

Just not sure if I want to post it exsposing that raw spot. It's still a bit tender.

As my mouse hovered over the publish post button, I started to cluck and ended up laying the biggest chicken egg I've ever seen. And here y'all thought I was brave. Nope!

Hope you have a great weekend. I'll see if I can find my backbone over the weekend. I make no promises.

(Thanks Jill! Jared caught a whiff and demanded a bubble bath. So far I'm ignoring him. :D)

My Heart Is Lying On The Floor

This is the post I chickened out on. And it's not over the reasons you think. Usually I get a flurry of email after posts like this - some good and some bad. That's what caused me to say wait a second - I don't feel like dealing with this.

I goofed off today. I didn't clean but sat and smelled the roses - literally. Hubs wanted to know if anyone was impressed with him. Since my calling is to keep his ego in check, I said no but a few of us wanted to know what took him so long?

Is it wrong that I laughed when he got a sheepish look on his face? Really? Huh. Yeah, I don't feel bad about it. Not one bit.

Especially after reading my bible and sort of got an ooo and an aahh moment, only to be followed by an ouch moment. God is having way too much fun reading my mail. (As if I think it's a secret from Him, but denial is more than a river in Egypt.)

Kerri, I am on the mat from this weeks bible study section. Don't think even a frappe could revive me!

To say my heart is lying on the floor would be close. Sitting here, I'm finding it hard to even type this out. Rather hard to open up and say I'm dealing with envy. Just looking at that sounds all wrong. I keep thinking envy is jealousy and I know that isn't what I'm dealing with here.

Looked up the words and jealousy is envy with bitterness. They're close but one has more spite involved.

I got to thinking about that. Do I want other people's stuff? No. Am I mad about other people having stuff and I don't? No. But I find it's hard to sit and watch as things just fall into other peoples' laps or an opportunity opens up for someone else while I'm still waiting.

It's usually right at that moment when someone says to just trust God as they skip off to go pick flowers, totally ignoring the thundercloud over my head dumping buckets of rain all over me.

So is that envy or is that jealousy? Neither. I'm not wishing ill on the person but find it difficult that everything is sunshine for them and crappy for me. I think that falls under envy.

To know I am doing everything I know to do and still have a hard go at it and watch others not struggle to my degree and things just fall into place is enough to make me...well want to slap my momma.

What? She really has it coming.

Don't look at me all innocent like. I'm not the only person out there that just went through a toilet bowl flushing and did not come out smelling like a rose. I'm not sure what that is suppose to mean, but this is what you get when I'm still up at 2 am.

There have been a few other times God has really zeroed in on the whole envy thing. It is sneaky. Simply because I don't envy people having stuff BUT I've found myself envious of other peoples' ability, opportunity, even approval.

My uncle called and left me a message. I found myself unable to call him back. He was just checking in but for some reason I could not face, what I presume to be judgement and disapproval of my life and situation. He'll ask questions, out of genuine concern, but it only seems to make me feel more ashamed. It's already bad enough I get to be the spokes person for stupid gone wrong, a.k.a. my parents, but to toss in the whole money thing as well...

And the more shame I feel, the more I want to run and hide. How messed up is that? I am so getting Adam and Eve right about now. The kicker is I didn't sin and yet here I am with egg all over my face. I didn't open a door to this. On the contrary, I prayed long and hard that this wouldn't happen. Yet here it is.

It almost seems like envy will feed off of shame. It builds, lie on top of lie. Agreement made upon agreement. Nothing but a lie. So why does it look like a mountain of truth?

The reality of that lie played out leaves a mess in its wake.

Pain, unanswered questions, disappointment, confusion - all of it can twist things around so up looks like down and left is really right. That's how a lie can slide right in.


I know I've been trying to pull away. I feel very disconnected with people. The scary thing is I know that any decision I make will not only affect me but people all around me. I'm frustrated about a bunch of little things that no longer feel little. I've prayed several things inside out and still not getting a direction or an answer. So the frustration just builds.

It has been my experience that when you go through a hard time for a long time, people get weary of being along side you. And before long you find yourself telling people 'I'm fine' because you know there isn't anything more to be said or done. Rather than admit the truth, it's easier to just say I'm fine, pull away, and keep going.

I bet this was the stuff that was hiding in the corner I didn't want to know about.

I'm still working on all this. It was a lot to have God tap me on the shoulder and point out all this junk. That's a lot to chew on wouldn't you say? So is it any wonder after all that, I was told to go scrapbook but to play some music?

MP3 was on a section of just worship music. I bet He planned it that way. Good thing. I was ready to crawl under the table.

God time, praise music, and being creative all at the same time. Oh happy sigh!

And believe me, this was no small task! I have been struggling for months on the whole 'be still and know that I am God' thing. I can't seem to shut my brain off. If my butt is parked before the Lord, rest assured I am praying about something. To just sit and listen? Holy smokes that is so much harder than what it sounds like.

I think the permission to goof off was the reprieve from the smackage. James 4 was talking about you have not because you don't ask or you ask with wrong motive. This always gets me scratching my head. How is it wrong to want your electric bill paid? How is that request asked with a wrong motive? Seriously.

But it does list having envy as being one of the culprits. A long time ago God showed me I had murder in my heart. I was appalled. I would not - never, but if I hate anyone that is the same as murder in God's eyes.

Well ouch!

Any show of hands on who has hated someone?

Yeah, just me.

This is that whole lets pull all this junk out, clean it up and get the closet all cleaned out. Dagnabbit.

Well, 1 area dealt with - 305 to address. Something tells me this is going to take awhile.