Wednesday, September 30, 2009

It's That Time Of Year

To say there is a bite in the air is an understatement. It's been c-c-cold last couple of days up here in frozen snot city. Dark rain clouds, lots of rain and coldness. Lots of coldness. Do we turn on the heat? Noooo. Told the kids to toss on another layer of clothes and find a blanket.

The thought of the gas bill just sends me hiding behind the pillows pretending I'm sitting on a warm beach and therefore do not need to turn on the heat. Matter of fact, I think I'm getting too warm and I'll need to shed my 3rd layer of clothing.

Or not.

I saw a better version of a Snuggie. It's a blanket that wraps around you but snaps down the front and it has sleeves. I want one. I don't care if it only comes in redneck orange and hunter brown I want one. When I'm blogging at 1 in the morning it gets freezing in here. I dropped about 30 hints to Hubs. Bet you he still has no clue.

I am happy Hubs got the air conditioners out of the windows Monday night. I was ready to break out the ski mask but I'm sort of concern that I've worn it so much that it's starting to be a turn on for him.

Isn't that cute? I'm his princess! Granted his ice princess but that's just a small detail. Although judging by all the screaming, the whining, the boo-hooing that he does, I'm thinking it means something. Just not sure what.

But it's that time of year where mice have no problem showing you that they are alive and well and living in your house. Just a little bit ago I went out to the kitchen when I walked in on a special Olympic game of mouse marathon. Thankfully this mouse was much smaller than Vinnie not to mention faster but he was on my counter top!! While he didn't flip me off like Vinnie, he did leave me a present. Basturd. Yes, I spelled that wrong on purpose.

Make mental note to bleach the entire kitchen tomorrow. Hope the fumes kill them off and not me.

What gets me is that I am super careful to not leave stuff out, fold up bags and clip them, anything that gets open goes into a large storage bag or whatever, but nothing is left laying out in the open. Except...I'm not that on top of taking care of the dishes after super. I swear I spend most of the day cleaning up the kitchen and getting the dishwasher loaded up and then it's time to cook dinner. After dinner I'm d-o-n-e. I don't even want to look at a dish. The screw it gene is working its thang. Only now that is totally backfiring.

So I'm hiding in here trying desperately to ignore the cheering of the crowd of mice as I think they are working on the backstroke in the sink.

Ok, so it's not THAT bad but just the thought of it gives me the willies. Suddenly Ratatouille isn't such a cute movie any more.

And did I mention the rain? We have another roof leak upstairs. There is a section of board that is slowly sagging. Except this must have been going on for a while cuz I notice it had mold growing on it. I am so observant, aren't I? So looking at this saggy, nasty, moldy board it decided to rip open and pour out it's thoughts in a very wet display of emotions. I keep asking that board to hang in there until Hubs can get outside and fix it before it collapses on us. It's been raining so hard that I've had to dump the bucket twice. Good times.

Makes the nighttime trip to the bathroom interesting as you try not to kick the bucket.

*snicker, gasp, wheez, snort* heehee, I crack myself up.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Bummer

So I was going through some old post from last year. I can't remember my reason for it now. Sometimes it's like watching a slow train wreck. Which makes no sense to me as I'm the dork that needs a spotter while watching TV if it's safe to look. At least the 10 yr old feels good about his roll.

When it dawned on me that Hearts at Home is going on this weekend. And I can't go. First, it was the money issue but then a wedding falls on the same date and the wedding won.

I won't get to see my pretend BFF Sally. Which I'm sure she can't remember my name by now as I haven't emailed her in forever. The nerve of me going through this whole screw it stage. Should I do this or that? Screw it. Should I say this or that? Screw it. So-and-so has been on my mind should I give them a call? Screw it. Should I care that I don't seem to have a brain that is fully functional? Screw it.

Really takes a toll on little things like relationships and such. It's not that I don't think about people or pray for them when they come to mind but I just seem to have no follow through lately.


Much like my dieting and exercise program. SCREW IT.

This is major faux pas on my Dad's side of the family. Those gals had a card for every occasion known to man. Except a congrats on your parole card. Pity cuz Dad is going to need one soon.


I remember being a wee little thing, so this tells you it was a loong time ago, when my Grandma pulled out her card box and her planner. She had everyone's birthday, anniversary and graduation date in there and had her calender all marked on who was to get what card for that month.

Clearly I did not get this gene. Grandma's fuzziness - yes, able to keep track of things and um, care - that would be a big NO. Bet my Mom's gene pool drowned that one out.

Sure enough for Hubs b-day a card from Grandma and my aunt came right on time. It's sort of sick and disgusting for someone like me who has a snowball's chance in hell at being that on top of well, anything like that. I think it makes my Hubs OCD heart go pitter patter. It's just too bad he didn't pass along that organization gene to our spawn.

Oh genetics how you can be such a cruel prankster.

I wonder now if dude thought he could teach me in the ways of Jedi organization skills but had no clue just how strong the dark side really is for me. What can I say? They had cookies and had a grass roots feel about them in a 'we sort of care but not really' dark side way of doing things.

Or not.

My Mom NEVER came close to getting someone's birthday right or even close until now. The envelope was address to me but the letter was sort of for Hubs but not really. And sort of was saying, 'hi, I'm doing fine' but not really. I can't remember the rest as my eyes glazed over.


But at least she didn't ask for a favor. Well, that's not true. She's learned to reword it so it doesn't sound like she's asking a favor when she really is. Like she needs so-and-so's number and could I pass that on to someone else. Then goes on and on about how they are still getting pieces of the puzzle.

I think she is the puzzle.

I told Hubs I want to get her a Christmas present. I want to get a rock that says how to keep a stupid an intelligent person on the quest for knowledge on the right path - please turn over. With the same thing on the other side and then count how many times she turns it over and over. If I could find it with the strike through all the better.


I knew she was going to send a reply to the card I sent her for her birthday that arrived like a week late. Told you that gene was a strong one. I should probably get a card for Dad as his birthday is next week. Which means I'll send it out sometime within the next 2 weeks.

Just keeping the family tradition alive and well.

And I have to laugh because this was a cause for some serious angst with my Grandma over the years. She thought it to be horribly rude not to do the whole card thing. My Mom said at one point they were spending $200 for cards, stamps, and what have you around Christmas time when they said no more. My Grandma is still mad about it.

Now that I carry on the screw it gene, my Mom complains about it. She dropped a lot of comments about how she would like a letter. I find it sickly hilarious. My Grandma even commented on it in her letter - that we could barely read. She said she knows Mom didn't raise me right on the proper way to correspond but I really should send my Dad a letter or someone in the family a note just to let everyone know we're doing okay.

Um, yeah I'll get right on that. Maybe. Kind of. Well, not really. What's wrong with a phone call? But since they all look at us as the bad guys now cuz of the hard line we're taking with my folks, I'm thinking screw it.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Yeah About That Title

This should be a sign that the noggin is not functioning at a 100%. I'm not sure it that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I'm sorted weirded out that the last 5 posts have 5 comments. Very freaky.

I suppose I should come up with something. Except I was working on my farm. I had to explain the whole farming thing and was met with a look that told me 'Welcome to Loserville'. What can I say? It's how I'm coping with life right now. Actually I have fun hanging out and chatting with people as sometimes you can get into some playful banter.

And lets face it - I am all about the banter. Playful is just the adjective. Banter is the verb. So I guess bantering is what I do.

Had some awesome fish at a fish fry. Got to chat with the peoples. Came home and I was able to take a nap. I really needed it too! Last week was one busy week but this week looks like a slow one. Now I get to deal with all the stuff I blew off cuz I was too busy to deal with it. Vicious cycle.

Maybe I'll get to get caught up on my emails and blog reading. It's a goal at least. And some days that is more than half the battle.

Couple chuckles to get you on the week -

I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up.
She said she wanted to be President some day.
Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'
She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'
Her parents beamed.
'Wow! What a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.'
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'
I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'
Her parents still aren't speaking to me!

The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new Obama health care proposals:
The ALLERGISTS voted to scratch it, but
The DERMATOLOGISTS advised not to make any rash moves.
The GASTROINTEROLOGISTS had sort of a gut feeling about it, but
The NEUROLOGISTS thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The OBSTETRICIANS felt they were all laboring under a misconception,
The OPTOMETRISTS considered the idea shortsighted.
PATHOLOGISTS yelled, "Over my dead body!" while
The PEDIATRICIANS said, "Oh, Grow up!"
The PSYCHIATRISTS thought the whole idea was madness, while
The RADIOLOGISTS could see right through it.
SURGEONS decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The INTERNISTS thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and
The PLASTIC SURGEONS said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."
The PODIATRISTS thought it was a step forward, but
The UROLOGISTS were pissed off at the whole idea.
The ANESTHESIOLOGIST thought the whole idea was a gas, and
The CARDIOLOGIST didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end,
The PROCTOLOGISTS won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a$$es in Washington .


HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE
1. Open a new folder on your PC.....

2. Name it 'Housework.'
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you, 'Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?'
6. Calmly answer, 'Yes' and press mouse button firmly.
7. Feel better?

Works for me!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Busy, Busy, Busy

Thought I would shock anyone reading this blog on a weekend. Look! Your desperate hopes of just a little bit more crazy has come true.

Then you realized you're just stuck with me. Muwahaha!!

Sorry I didn't have a blog post up earlier. Thursday night I escaped from the house and got to see Love Happens. Good movie but NOT what I expected. When I came home, Hubs had shut off the computer which was a very loud hint. Hoopty takes sweet forever and a day to boot up. I swear this thing needs a cup of coffee before it'll work. His evil plan worked.

I have been butt dragging tired. Long week, things to get done, places to go. So I took the easy way and crawled to bed. Only to have to get up and run more errands. But it's all good in the hood cuz I got to see my hair guy. Due to financial issues and, of course, the wonderfulness of Babs, I haven't had my hair cut since last year Dec.

My hair was just sad on all the many levels it was sporting. I sort of got this crazed look in my eye and pulled a Popeye of I can't stands it no mo. Although that sort of sounds like a ghetto Popeye. Anyway, whatever it is he says and then things happen. Minus the canned spinach cuz yuck.

So me and my posse headed out for holy crap we have so much to get done palooza day. I got sheered and thankfully it is much better. Not sure how it will work with Babs but at this point I don't care. Looks like I need to be washing some grey right out of my hair as well. Picked up some of that all while getting a wedding gift for next week.

I did venture into our Christian Bookstore. A place that I'm not allowed to enter without supervision. Hubs B-day is coming up so I thought I would pick him up the new Ted Dekker book Green. While there I also snagged him another John Eldridge book. I had to dig deep not to pick up a couple books I had my eye one. I may have permanently scarred my children as they watched me have this long debate with myself and at one point I had to physically dragged myself away. All while muttering, okay talking rather loudly, how much it really sucks to have to walk away.

And because I'm me, I gave him the books as soon as he got home. He made a comment about how sad and pathetic I am for not actually waiting for the day. I held up my hand with my wedding ring and wiggled the finger at him. He sheepishly laughed and then shut up. Dude had called me the day he bought the ring because he was so excited. Thus forever killing any surprise and excitement I would have had from my marriage proposal. Should have been a red flag, but he was so darn cute it only added to his charm.

But the sad part is I now go out of my way to ruin any surprise for him just out of spite. Which I found out years later he prefers it that way because he HATES surprises of ANY kind. So yet again his evil Jedi mind tricks worked and I played right into it. Dang it.

Looks like we have a couple busy weekends back to back. Feel like I'm trying to juggle too much stuff. And I can't juggle! I'm still trying to get my school legs, so to speak. Still working on some computer issues and just trying to get it done. It's going good just still trying to get back in the swing of teaching.

What can I say? I'm a slow starter. Come to think about it, I don't finish too well either.

I'm starting to get the emails and the phone calls that my folks will be entering the scene in a few more weeks. Dad is set to go to half-way house in Indiana where most of my relatives are. Thank ya Jesus. Mom won't be released until end of Dec. How she got out of going to a half-way house is beyond me. Lots of 'hey your Dad needs this do you have it' questions which thankfully I get to say no, nope, and no way to all of them.

My attempts at selling off my parents on eBay has failed miserably as well as my attempts at getting adopted. Little orphan JoANNIE is still stuck in a hard knock life. Where is my Daddy Warbucks anyway? Doesn't he know I would like to spend his money, have a medicated happy outlook on life, and then sing about it?? Sheesh!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Didn't See That One Coming.

My goodness it's been a long week. And it's not even over with. Nor does it look like it's going to slow down.

I'm tired, brain fried, and just spent a record high at wally world tonight. I'm not happy. But it was one of those out of several things not to mention the boys needed a couple pairs of pants.

But I can say that while I was taking deep breathes so not to freak, I was able to get a grip. Wasn't really expecting to try out this new self talk. Dang, I'm kind of scary.
I got the whole 'is freaking out going to change anything?'
'Well, no.' I said to myself.
'Will it change the bill total?'
'Um, no.'
'Then chill out!'

Sat there blinking for a few seconds. 'But what about this bill and that bill and a few other things?' I tried to counter.
My crusty inner self said, rather sarcastically too, 'how are you going to eat a whale? One bite at a time. While no, you didn't get everything you wanted to get done, just focus on what you can get done FOR TODAY and leave the rest for tomorrow. You got groceries so you're set in that department, done. Tomorrow you can face something else.'

I was a bit skert to say anything else so just said um, okay.

And with that I'm off to bed.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I Can't Get No

So I snuck away for some McTalking time with Kerri. Fabulous. Total life line lady. My family is happier, and safer, after I spend time away from them. They just don't know it.

Holy smokes, y'all need to get this book Me, Myself, & Lies by Jennifer Rothschild. A lot of whoa moments. And a few ouch. The truth sets us free. Sometimes that truth is a little painful to look at. It really gets you to focus on your self talk and just how unhealthy it really is and how to replace it with the truth. 'Think about what you're thinking' as Joyce would say.

I've had you're not good enough going through my head for as long as I can remember. I've had several people in my life reinforce that thought over and over. Hello? You've read about my mother.

Walking with God by John Eldridge had said that sometimes the very thing that is holding you down will try to jump onto other people, when in the end, reinforces its hold. The example is a person is lonely so they go out of their way to be the super friend to where they go too far and then start to be annoying. People start to avoid them and pull further away. The relationships they so desire slip right through their fingers. And rejection is reinforced failed relationship, after failed relationship.

While at bible study last week there was a definition for satisfy. Part of it was 'to have enough'. It jumped out at me because hearing 'not enough' means dissatisfy. I was hit with the thought that I haven't felt satisfied for a long time with just about everything. I feel 'not enough' about myself, or for others, and lets not even mention the money thing. Not enough is the theme that has been going on strong.

I had a person, who I thought was my friend, tell me a long time ago that she didn't want to be my friend because she said I wasn't happy no matter what she did so why bother. The weird thing is, she had constantly made me feel like I wasn't good enough to be her friend no matter how hard I tried and any little crumb I got from her I was to be grateful. So it shocked the snot out of me when I heard her say that. And darn it all, if her words don't still float around in my head no matter how hard I try to get it to stop.

A few other things jumped out in the book about Jesus is what sets us free and we're to focus on Him NOT all the other negative thoughts. We need to change the soundtrack so to speak of our self talk. Jesus is what satisfies. So I asked Jesus to be my Snicker bar because lets face it a Snicker satisfies. (Kerri, the look on your face was priceless when I told you that.)

Yes, I'm a nut but I really don't feel like an Almond Joy right now.

But the cool thing about it is even though I've had a hard week, I have been going right to Jesus and tore off the wrapper of myself and said satisfy me!! Exposing what is going on and where I'm at and by God's grace taking captive every vain thought or imagination that rises itself up against the knowledge of God. (I'm not looking up the reverence cuz it's 2 a.m.) After all, it is the truth that sets us free.

And very much like a Snicker bar - He takes the edge off.

Come to think of it an entire dinner of Snicker bars sounds really good about now. Hmmm, 'come, taste and see that I am good' is starting to take on a whole new meaning.

Before you clap and say well done you, I have to tell ya I was in rare form. And not in a good way. I'm just thankful Kerri didn't toss a fry in my direction and boogied out of there. The look of surprise and shock on her face as I owned up to what a real pill I've been lately was a bit sobering. Like I said, I can be a pill. Just asked Hubs. Who was stuck at home dealing with computer issues not to mention the mortgage company sent someone to the door to get him to answer the phone to discuss where we were at. Nice.

They basically said he makes too much money to help him and we spend too much money on food and too bad, so sad can't help you. (In my defense, the national average on food is banked on kids eating a school breakfast and/or lunch and dad or mom going out to eat for lunch. So if you're just covering dinner for 5 nights a week that will cut your over all grocery bill down. I make cheap meals, I buy cheap snacks. So little miss you spend too much money on food can kiss my grits.)

Needless to say, I did not come home to a happy home. Plus he'll be pissed off that I blogged this. Do me a favor and pretend you don't know nothing, m'kay? While they aren't coming to toss us out they aren't being very warm and fuzzy either. Basically same crap different day.

Not to mention we've been crossing paths for over a week with it not slowing down. He's now slammed at work and has been working Saturdays. I'm not complaining about him working - far from it. It's just hard knowing that we're doing everything we can do and it's, dang it, not enough. (At least for right now.)

While the first thought was to panic, after having some serious smackage on the whole think about what you're thinking and the truth sets you free I was actually a bit calm. And for me that's pretty huge because I don't do calm. I sort of see wringing my hands and jumping up and down as a sport - a way of coping even.

Except my own words floated back up in my mind that worrying is constant torment. No joke! And worrying can't change a thing. The book said that statement is a what is rather than a what if. What ifs have got to be from the pit of hell. So what are we to be thinking about? Whatever is pure and good and excellent and praise worthy and lovely and some more adjective that are slipping from my mind. It spells out J-E-S-U-S, baby.

So let the games begin as I'm rearranging my thought closet. How do you eat a whale? One bite at a time. How am I going to do this? One thought at a time.

Um, Lord? I think I need a case of Snicker cuz ah, I'm going to need a lot of help.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Words Still Fail Me

Much like my computer and all my plans. Hoopty reminded me that hey it's still a bit special. I think the CD player, or drive D, is no longer in a working state. Hubs and I both thought about taking a piece of this computer and beating the ever-living tar out it, but what type of message would that send to the spawn? So another day of no math for N. Let me tell you, he's not shedding any tears over this.

Oh the words - how they fail me to capture the true depths of what I'm feeling.

Well that's not entirely true. I about filled the cuss jar but that is neither here nor there. And further proof why it's a waste to have a jar. Unless you're trying to prove that a glass jar only has a limited amount of space for containment.

Now that I think about it, I think all cuss jars need to be glass jars. Because it sort of has a comedic ring to it that as you're pelting your coins at the darn thing for losing your cool to have the speed and velocity of the coin, over a period of time, shatter the thing thus causing you to really lose your temper and let out a string that would make any sailor proud.

Just hypothetically speaking, of course.

Wow, there for a second I almost sounded smart. I'll pause why you laugh uncontrollably.

Welcome back riders! Oxygen is a good thing so take your time, catch your breath, and remember - laughing at others especially when they can't see you is a wonderful thing.

So now that I wasted all that time to say not much of anything, I guess I should actually come up with some sort of topic. Although it's rather doubtful that will happen. Why start now??

Today was a good school day in spite of all the computer issues. Older boys are loving their Latin. I'm just happy this isn't something I have to teach. Hand dude the CD, thank God for the invention of earplugs while I work with other spawn on his stuff, dude puts answers in notebook from workbook. Hope Hubs will grade it.

Besides it's all Greek to me. (snort, chuckle) I slay myself.

We were watching Drive Thru History. All dealing with Greece and Rome. While it's pretty cool, I'm noticing it's a good filler rather than being the main source. Older boys have covered this so this has been a crash course refresher. So ye-haw.

The cool thing is it tied right into J's bible stuff for today. After I did the happy dance I had to quoted a fav, "I love it when a plan comes together." (If I really have to tell you this is from the A-team just move away slowly.)

Something else that has been sort of cool - I've been reading to the boys The Case For Faith by Lee Strobel. Whoa baby! I know this won't come as a shock to you but I'm not the most logical person out there. Yet I married a man who's thought pattern runs on logic and reason. Cruel irony.

Anyhoo, the book was covering free will and most people's assumptions that A+B=C. (Walking with God by John Elderidge also covered this topic. Which I'm kind of geeking out over.) If I'm suffering and God hasn't stopped it from happening then God must not exist or doesn't care. Not so as that equation leaves out free will and/or spiritual warfare.

In the book it had in there about it's rather arrogant for a finite being with limited wisdom to question an infinite being with unlimited wisdom. Granted I had to look those words up, but thought it was really cool as this guy uses logic and reason and many atheist's conclusion right back around on them. We're only on the first objection but man it'll stretch your noodle.

While I feel this book may be a bit beyond the boys, I'm hoping it's planting some good seeds for later. It has led to some interesting discussion with Hubs at the dinner table. Wow, don't I sound like the fun teacher? Bueller? Bueller?

Lot of good stuff but those darn words are just failing me on how to put it all together. Of course, it doesn't help when I try to type this late at night!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Mock And Scorn

Can you just hear the wails of anger? That is my response as Hoopty computer was saying nanner nanner boo boo I knew you'd be back.

Hangs head in shame

Yup, had to plug hoopty back in as speedy has yet to be fixed. N's math is on that computer and dude had all of last week off because of it. Not cool. So we plugged hoopty back in and I'm deleting just about everything I can off of it and then I'll have to load the math back on. Which means I'll have to call their 800 number to get yet another code from them to activate the program. Then I'll have to add in the answers to get him caught back up to where he was at because I know that if I tell him 'do over' he'll lose it.

And so would I.

Makes me so mad I could just spit!! Or cuss but I already did that. This is like the third time we've had this happen. Get everything up and going and whamo! crash and burn. The trouble with this is I find myself totally cynical about the whole thing. All my hopes and dreams of a faster computer gone in just a few short weeks. One step forward and 300 back.

We've had computer issues, after computer issues, after issues, after issues. Not to mention all the other issues. Dude. Enough is enough already.

I so hate viruses and the jerks that make them. As if someone doesn't have anything better to do with their time than to crash people's system. Hope they come back as a Lego piece or a Polly Pocket piece only to get sucked up into the vacuum cleaner, stuck in the belt, slowly melting away as they're broken bit by bit. Muwahahaha!!!

Except I don't believe in any of that crap so totally takes that fuzzy happy thought away. Dagnabbit.

Did I mention hoopty was a very slooow computer? Hubs said a watch has more memory than this computer. I takes it about 15 minutes to boot up and think about working. Speedy was much faster but I guess not too bright on the whole don't touch that! Actually it was my fault. How was I to know a trusted site wasn't so trusted after all?

I so hope we can get a new computer by next year.

The part I really don't want to deal with is the math program company. Since we had a computer go kerblewy last year I've had to reload this program a few times, not to mention I have 2 kids using this AND they didn't finish it last year so, by golly, we're using it again this year. I had to delete it off and then reload it. Except I maxed out the number of times I can use the code and I've had a few different codes.

Blah, blah, blah - they weren't too happy with me. Blah, blah, blah for what I paid, they should be thanking me for purchasing the darn thing. Customer service?? That is a thing of the past. Don't believe me? Go to Wal-Mart and check out their new packaging.

I've had a running conversation with people on the new wrappers at wally world. We've decided they're going retro because everything is white with dark blue lettering. We've gotten so use to the old package that ALL of us have searched high and low for something when it was right in front of our faces.

I've bought the wrong stuff because I'm been thrown over the packaging. Like butter, grabbed the wrong one. Big ol' goof up not to mention how gross.

I really hate change. Life is going along when kerwhamo! Everything is all messed up and then I have to change it all around and learn something new. And I hates, I hates it forevah!

For all the amount of blood, sweat, and tears it takes to get money to have people try to steal, harm, or just totally disregard your efforts is rather frustrating.

Makes me want to double my rapture practice. 1,2,3...jump! Still here? Dagnabbit.

I was sort of muttering about a few things while praying. Although now I'm not so sure if that could be counted as prayer as I was going on and on and on. I found myself just going off on a few things. I think God got tired of waiting for me to take a breath so just jumped right in - sort of.

Every have those moments where you'll come across several things all stringed together? While cleaning and going on and on I came across a partner letter from a ministry we support, a couple "random" articles, as well as a blog post, not to mention a book I'm reading on top of the bible study I'm doing - all with the same theme. You just know there is some exasperated angel going "hey chick, get a clue!!"

'Think about what you're thinking'. 'Take heed of your thoughts'. 'Meditate on the truth instead of lies'. What are you thinking? What is running through your head? Chances are a lot of what is going through the noggin is NOT truth.

I'm liking the thought closet from Me, Myself, and Lies. If you picture your words, whether spoken or thought, as pieces of clothing - just imagine how goofy the outfits are when you dress yourself with a bunch of lies or hurtful words about yourself.

So how am I dressing myself with my words? Good gravy I'm a bag lady. Is it any wonder why my relationships have been taking a blow lately? Bag lady 2 o'clock! Aviod, avoid!!

The weird part is none of this has been shocking news to me. I've heard this stuff before and I've read same stuff from Battle Field of the Mind by Joyce Meyers to several other books. What makes me frustrated is why isn't this stuff sticking? Years later and I'm like 'oh wow, that's what's going on, hey I've heard this before'. Why am I still circling the wagon? And what wagon?? I didn't see a wagon? So why am I to circle it???

Can I have a cookie?

Where was I? Something about change and not liking it or not being a fan of it or not having a clue how to do it? Or something along those lines.

Frustration is the name of the game now if I could just find the instructions I think I'll be doing okay. Maybe. Hopefully. I mean, I would if I could - sort of.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I'm Tired - Again

Well gravy! My head is pounding and my butt is dragging. I got nothing connecting between the ears. While this normally doesn't stop me, I think I should heed a warning and not say anything before I get myself into trouble.

Soooo how about a few jokes?

APPLES AND WINE
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now men . . . men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the sh*t out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

To be fair...

Sam stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner asked, 'What in the world is taking so long?'
'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,' Sam explained. 'I want to make a perfect shot.'
His companion said, 'You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here.'

PENGUINS (thanks Margie)
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go? Wonder no more!!! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
Freeze a jolly good fellow. Then they kick him in the ice hole.


You didn't really think I knew anything about penguins now did you?

WAL-MART INTERVIEW

Jennifer a manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT..' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer. 'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'

Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It 's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said. Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said BUBBA.. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already sh*t my pants.'

BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you! You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on!

I just couldn't help myself. Hope this made you laugh.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Aw Man

When we last left our heroine, her computer caught a nasty virus. As it hacked and coughed and blew her right off her blog, she sat totally shut out of all the bloggy goodness. Not to mention her crops on various Farmness.

There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

She had to use the tiny computer with the majorly uncomfortable chair and hunch over to even see the darn screen all because she missed her InterPeeps. And while this post is far from anything note worthy, she simply felt totally lost without checking in several times a day.

Not like she has issues or anything.

So she found herself walking around aimless, trying her darnedest to ignore all the other things that needed to get done. She was rather successful. When she thought she could stand it no longer, she grabbed a couple pillows to sit in the pain-in-the-rear-chair to hop onto the blog and say -

"Whatsup?"

Other than feeling totally lost, I spent the day bawling for no reason, slammed back some chocolate and my inner Cruella showed up to say howdy. I'm sensing aunt flow will be here shortly. This started to trigger a few warning sirens and I had to give a red alert to the guys that I'm just a tad bit emotional right now.

Their eyes grew wide, the size of dinner plates, and they backed away slooowly. At one point they tossed a piece of chocolate at me and screamed, "save yourselves!" Over actors. Sheesh.

After I inhaled the chocolate, I had to tell them it's more of a yellow alert meaning I'm more weepy than crabby. When they realized their lives weren't in any danger, they suddenly remembered the chocolate.

Suckas!!

I did hear one of them say next time to wait for 'that tone of voice' and 'the eye twitching' before they lose out on the chocolaty life preserver.

What cracks me up is they never seem to notice the Reese cups in the freezer door. Oh yeah, man, the mighty hunter, and all his powers of observation is something to, um, well, I guess behold.

Knock yourself out dudes, but I've got the bag of chocolate goodness.

I do have to say, Dianne I am so sorry I bailed out on you to harvest the trees but that was right when my computer had shut off as in o-f-f off - shut down, do not pass Go, do not collect $200, buh-bye. I did spent today on mini-puter getting my farm back into shape.

Cuz it's all about priorities.

Kaye your video clips are hoolarious but it was really dark and I couldn't see your smiling face and Taylor wasn't even there. Only MM was visible. I bow in your techy presence cuz I wouldn't have a clue how to do that. Now I have to ask if you send all your blogging buds video 'hey theres' or is it just moi?

Inquiring minds want to know - like me.

Monday, September 14, 2009

I'm Sort Of Forgetting Something

What could it be? Oh yeah! My blog.

Yeah, sort of behind. Got that. Sorry I did not have much time to really post. I've been having some computer issues still. Only this time it's different. My computer has been booting me off the Internet which is probably Al Gore getting back at me for all my smart remarks about him and his creation. On top of that, I got a bunch of messages from other friends that their Facebook account got hacked all due to FarmTown and Farmville. Not sure if I got hacked or something cuz the computer goes nuts anytime I try to play it.

I can hear the comments from here.

Mainly from my family that whine comment I'm on the computer too much. And don't even get them started on what has been dubbed 'that lame farm thing she does'. But Hubs has said that if I would just stop playing the lame game everything would be fine. Just because I don't find splitting wood therapeutic I get to be the weird one. Whatever.

I'm finding fewer and fewer things I can zone out on relax and unwind with simply because they won't leave me alone. Read a book? It appears to be Jared's new mission if someone is holding pages all held together in a book like state to decided that you must really need to know his latest opinion on whatever it is he can come up with.

For the most part I'll play along but lately it's been wearing thin. I'm not sure what exactly is going on with him. The older 2 never were like this at this stage. I know he's bored. He's been cooking through his school stuff so that's good. Trouble is he gets done a lot sooner than his brothers and won't go find something to do. So pester Mom until she snaps is the new game.


I'm hoping he'll develop it into a video game and make us millions but I usually snap back to reality to find he is still telling me some made up thing with a stuffed animal. I wipe drool off of my chin and try to refocus on him until I feel that 'had enough' pulse through my veins.

It doesn't help that N was on another I am upset hear me roar rampage. I really hate it when I find out afterwards - days later. It's like dudes, there is a problem come get me so we can deal with this now NOT days later.

We were getting ready for church when I find out N didn't want to go to bed so was being a royal jerk and was smacking J with his shirt. M stepped in and they had a wrestling match to get N to stop it. From what I gathered M won and was trying really hard not to be smug about it. I remember yelling up at them for the last couple of nights to knock it off but no one said anything until it was time to get ready for church and then I get the low down.

Way to set the mood as we're off to praise the Lord. Amen.

Chewed dude a new one and I was late, so Hubs and the boy went off while I got the rest of us put together. Did I mention we were having a potluck? Got as much together as I could and declared it good enough.

Talked to N today and he is doing better. He even said he should have taken his frustrations to God instead of taking it out on other people. I'll give him a gold star once I actually see him do it rather than just say what he should have done. I can give a nice long list of things I should have done yet continue to do the same stupid thing over and over.

But that's for another blog post.

So here I sit with a computer that goes berserk anytime I try to play FarmTown or Farmville (totally lost a crop too) a kid that won't leave me alone, not to mention another kid that is just going through some growing pains.


I forgot to respond to a few emails and I saw Anna's comment about seeing a doctor. Lumps are already gone and judging by the cramps I was having, aunt flow should be due to arrive sometime in the next month.

Welcome to my fun house of crazy.

Last night I got to finally sit around 8 and I crashed hard. Hubs suggested I just go to bed or I would be up until 4. I actually listened and headed off to bed much to his shock. So did not want to get up this morning. I hope my bod has decided sleep is a good thing and will aim to have more of it - at night.

Looks like school is going good and doesn't need to be tweaked or anything. But my schedule is out of whack and I'm trying to figure out how get it back in gear. Like blogging. I'll have all these good blog posts rolling through my head but no time. Once I get time all those ideas are looong gone and I'm left with the drivel I end up posting and really shouldn't.

Someone asked how I would describe my blog. After coming up blank with anything normal, 'praise the Lawd and pass the choc-o-light cuz I am a mess, Ethel!' was my reply. What blog category would that fall under? Mommy blog? Get thy spawn awayeth from me-eth. Political blog? Give thine thou chocolate before thy scratcheth thou faceth off-eth - sort of has a nice ring to it.

Except I'm not really sure what I just said.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Pick One

Where do I start? Right about now I am slamming back some serious chocolate. Today was one of those days where the hormone factory said overtime for all. When the alarm went off I was ready to launch it across the room. While the melatonin is helping it's not fully fixing the problem just yet.

I stumbled down the steps, bleary eyed, only to see my children sitting at the table ready and waiting for me. I couldn't help but wonder what they were up to but thankfully they were ready to tackle another day. It took me a few private moments to cram the cynical self back into it's coffin, but it wasn't having it. It wanted to come out and play.

When I looked in the mirror I noticed I had a zit that needed it's own zip code on my chin. This thing was either giving off Morse code or it had it's own heartbeat. I tried squeezing it only to have an oil slick that rivaled an Exxon spill. This only made it angry and it expanded in size. Not only did it have it's own heartbeat it now starting to talk in a funny Italian accent and demanded I order pizza if I knew what was good for me.

Not believing my new symbiont, I tried again. He called in for back up and more exploded onto my face as the day went on. Not to mention I've had lumps in my armpits for a week. First it was in one and went away, then it went to the other side and is already getting smaller. But it was painful to put on deodorant. Not to mention my left ovary has been throbbing. I've never really noticed my ovaries before but this one has certainly been putting up a fuss lately.

At this point, my inner Cruella showed up to say howdy. This means that aunt flo may, or may not, be showing up for a visit sometime in the next month or 2. Hey it took me a while to recover from last time. I dipped my Midol in chocolate as it makes it go down better. That's my story anyway.

I'm starting to make sense to you now, aren't I? The light bulb has finally gone off that this chick is messed up. There is 'dude - messed up' and then there is 'dang! that is messed up'. I take it to a whole new level.

To make things interesting, and slightly cruel, we went grocery shopping. Why I decided to wear flats while grocery shopping is proof that I operate without a fully functioning brain. My feet hurt and my ankles had swollen to the size of grapefruit.

There I was at Wally World. Limping before we even got to the grocery section. It probably didn't help that I actually picked up a birthday card for my mother. (Further proof that oxygen was dangerously low to what was left of the brain.) This ordeal took about for-evah. Nothing quite captured the feeling I was going for but then again they don't publish cards like that. I went for any card that sort of made me smirk. Trouble was it said sorry about your loss or in this difficult time of grieving.

Boooo

Don't think it would have put her in a festive mood. But at her age and the level of stupidity she has been sporting, not to mention where she is residing right now - I'm thinking festive is the last thing on her mind.

After that painful debate, I think I about filled my cart with pain relievers and chocolate with a case of Kleenex thrown in for good measure. Hubs took one look at my inventory and said, 'dang toss in a bag or 5 of Reese's for me'.

As I limped through the store, I did notice that now that school is back in session nary a screaming child was present. However, the geriatrics ward must have decided it was time for the annual 'take the old people out to air them off trip'.

Why do I hear booing?

I understand that Maw-maw and Ethel need to shop just like everyone else but I don't understand why they will park their cart in the middle of the aisle making it impossible to get around them.

Once we were able to negotiate all 3 carts around them - yes negotiate, as in she'll move her cart if the nice tall gentleman who sort of looks like Carry Grant would get her something off the top shelf - we were on our way. Cracks me up every time. Hubs has had a lot of elderly people ask if he's related to Mr. Grant. There's poor Hubs trying to answer these nice people while his wife has fallen on the floor laughing. He didn't complain as I had the cart with all the chocolate. Smart man.

Then we get to the next aisle where we encountered a gentleman who thought there was no need to be putting on airs and getting all fancy like by wearing a clean shirt with sleeves - or his teeth. I was just glad he remembered to wear his pants. He started hollering that he needed to talk to someone who worked there. Turns out he didn't like the drink that he opened before paying for it and gosh darn it they weren't going to take his money.

I felt so sorry for this gal who listened to this man go on and on and on about how gross that drink was and why would they sell that drink to the public and no way was he going to pay for it. Do remember he didn't pay for it. I noticed he had 2 bottles, like half gallon size, of the stuff and both were opened and about half gone. And he's complaining.

I moved away as quickly as I could. That did prove to be rather difficult because our Wal-Mart has shifted everything around - again. This wasn't the whole this is here and now that is back over there sort of thing. Oh no, this was much more evil. Same crap in the same aisle but what was on the left is now down on the end but on the right hand side.

Curse you aqua scum!

Their evil marketing ploy worked as they made sure to put some form of chocolate at the end caps which magically jumped into my cart. Before you go all tsk tsk, I remembered how pathetic Hubs check was and put it a lot of it back.

Thankfully no one had noxious fumes for me to limp through because I would have been a goner. Now if you'll excuse me, there is a bag of Reese's with my name on it.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

It's A Miracle!

I'm still alive! And so are my kids!! Actually we had a really good first day. This is good news. In years past, I would be sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth, saying there's no place like home - cuz this ain't it.

Boys all handled it rather well. They have a challenging load but not overwhelming. At least I hope. I thought about going on and on about how well everything went when it suddenly dawned on me that this was only day 1. Ruh-roh, Raggie.

muttering: there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home.

I'm hoping that this 'off to a good start' will continue. I know, I'm such a bowl of sunshine. Or maybe that's bowel. Some sort of weird super hero power - able to see the positive in any crappy situation. Whatever the case may be - I don't have it. I'm rather glad because that sort of sounds gross and possibly painful.

You want me to cheer up? OOowww. My spleen!

Can't be having that here with all those bugs in my teeth. Positive outlook? Negative.

Heehee I crack myself up.

Anyhoo, I can tell you we started with a lot of prayer. Even had the boys all pray for their attitudes and that God would really help us. So far it's working but again - day 1.

We've had a few computer issues with the oh so much faster than hoopty computer. I can't seem to get my email connected to my blog and I get kicked off of Farmville and FarmTown. We didn't have any issues UNTIL we loaded our anti-virus thing and then it screwed it all to heck. So this means Speedy is fine, we just loaded something stooopid on it. And sad to say, we'll be stuck with it until we can buy something better.

Lets not go there, shall we?

Even with the computer goof, I'm thinking today was the best 1st day we've had. By the time I got done with Jared though, I just wanted to sit and read a book. But for some reason he wanted to keep talking to me about video games and some game he made up blah, blah, blah.

I could feel that tension starting to build up where it would only be a matter of time before I snapped and sternly tell him to get lost and leave me in peace for crying out loud. I think the only thing that stopped me was knowing he would burst into tears and then I would want to slam my head into the door repeatedly. Or at least I would once the guilt arrived in a day or 4.

At one point I did hide out in the bathroom just to get away and to enjoy my hidden stash of chocolate in the tampon box. If he keeps this up I may have to install a mini fridge in there. After my time out, I emerged from the royal hideout only to have the little twerp sitting at the table waiting for me to continue on with his story.

Lawd have mercy!

It's not like I've neglected the child. I watched Toy Story 1 and 2 with just him, made him popcorn and let him have a can of pop in the living room even. We've played a few games - just the 2 of us - and the kid is coming back for more.

Thankfully I was able to peel the spawnage off, put it in B for Boogie, and went for some McTalking time with Kerri. I almost walked into McD's with a disclaimer sign hanging around my neck. Something like: Warning! This chick has spent the day working with her spawn and while not down to the last nerve, she's a bit frazzled. Please buy her a frappe or she may rip your face off. Thank you!

We did have a good ol time. At least this time we didn't almost get kicked out for creating a public display of weirdness. Nor did we cause any old woman's face to twitch. Pity. I wanted to see if we could hide a hamburger in her scowl line.

It was a bit sad as we're now done with the NOG book, and believe me we had to hustle to get it finished. Lot of ground to cover. At one point during the conversation I was nodding my head saying, 'yes, I know all the right things to say, but why do I still feel so numb? It's like my arm fell asleep and I only have some feeling going on. I can tell something is off but if I move in any direction it hurts. Oh, does it hurt!'

The point of that bible study was having No Other Gods, or functional gods, in our lives. We're to make room for God. When I was on my way, I was sort of in a fit. I did this study LAST SUMMER and had thought I made a lot of steps. This time around it went much deeper but I was hit upside the head that here it is a year later and not much ground had been gained.

While we're finished with that book, I can tell my journey isn't done and didn't end on time with the ending of the book. Dagnabbit. I still feel like I'm in the desert walking away from comfort and I'm thinking about turning right back around and heading back. Back to Egypt, back to bondage.

When I thought about that, I wondered why I would do it and it hit me because I don't feel free. I feel like I'm still in bondage only this time, I'm in the desert and nothing feels right. And I'm trying to walk with a foot that is asleep - hobbling along saying ow, ow, owieeee!

The next book Kerri and I are going to tackle is Me, Myself, & Lies by Jennifer Rothschild. I've never been so excited for a butt-whooping in my life. Wha? I'm the only person that can look at a study and tell this is going to hurt? Yes, stupid, that's why we avoid it. Ooh.

I can not encourage y'all enough to grab a friend, maybe 2, and do a one on one bible study. Something about having a person to hold you accountable of did you read it? helps. It has been a life line. Just getting away from the kids and hanging out with 'whoa did you see my booty flying through the air from what was on page 65? All that screaming? That was me.' It has done wonders. While we love our little spawns dearly, we love them better when we get a blooming break. This has helped me keep on keeping on.

And with that I need to head to head off to bed. For tomorrow is another day. Dang it.

Monday, September 7, 2009

And Here We Go

Right about now I'm feeling the urge to breathe through a bag. Although I have no idea why people do that, but it lets other people know that 'Hey, this person has issues'. Granted, I'm used to people looking at me that way anyway but this is a prop that is to be taken seriously.

But knowing I would get about zero percent sympathy, I tossed the paper bag and found an M&M bag. Much better!! Although I about horfed up my lung when one got stuck in my throat. The dangers of sucking down an M&M. Let this be a lesson for all to chew it, not inhale it.

Ah, yes. I see I'm already sporting my teacher 'let us learn something' state of mind. This is good. Most years my mind is in another state saying, 'you can't make me'. So I would say progress has been made.

We had a good weekend. Got to hang out with friends, and we played a few games of Risk with the boys. M won the first game, I won the second, and N won the last one. There was some gruesome battles but fun was had by all.

Computers are up and running (thank you Gangsta Ninja! I owe you some form of dessert)

I need to make a couple phone calls to reinstall codes for programs and some time this week copies need to be made of one workbook. All an all, I would say we are all systems go for a new school year.

Luckily for me, I will be having McTalking time tomorrow night. I will so be needing it.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Isn't That Special?

When we last left our heroine, she was on the verge of a new cyber frontier. All her hopes and dreams were building up to something with more memory than a smushed pea and faster than a speeding gnat - with it's wings on fire.

Gruesome, isn't it?

Only to have it dashed to pieces as we tried mouse after mouse all to no avail. As it's sort of hard to do anything without a mouse, we had to pull the plug on it. Our heroine sat and watched as it flatlined, taking all of it's cyber goodness away with it.

Hoopty, btw, totally mocked us as we had to plug it back in. Our heroine choked back bitter sobs as the smushed pea's memory further shriveled. (Ok, side note I just had a virtual memory too low flash at me. I got to quit making hoopty mad.) It even booted her off FarmTown just for spite. Cries of why could be heard....in the next room.

Mark my words, hoopty - you're days are numbered.

I trust that it's just a small glitch. Otherwise my Jedi will turn it to the darkside. Help me, Gangsta Ninja - you're my only hope. HOWEVER, tell it to Hubs because I won't have a clue what you said and it will cause my brain to breakdance right out of my head. I can't dance but rest assured I can break something.

It just dawned on me, why do I refer to myself as the heroine?? Um, I ain't saving nothing. I certainly am not fixing anything. Last I heard, there was a petition to get me tossed off my blog going around. The judges were Me, Myself, and the Crazy One. Right now it's in a grid lock. Doesn't look too good for me.

Because I'm stuck with a hoopty computer that is full of spite and sarcasm!!! Oh the cruel irony of it all.

In case you couldn't tell, I'm getting really slap happy from the lack of sleep. This can't fall asleep until 4 am thing is getting old. I must be stopped. Because who knows what I'll say or do next?

And with that our heroine leaves the room.

Can you believe I post crap like this and people still like me??? I KNOW!!! Anna even gave me an award and accurately states I have a "slightly warped sense of humor". This is me on my good behavior. (Tosses head back and cackles) I guess I'm really going to have to amp it up and go all batty to get the full warp speed sense of humor.


Thanks, Shug! Yer the best. I raise my glass of sweet tea, of course, and salute you.

I'm to pass this along and I think it's rather fitting that I pick Kaye. She's as crazy as me. Well close as I'm still training her in the art of crazy. But she is Anna approved. Even without the begging - cuz she's nice like that.

Kerri - If I wasn't so lazy I would post the link to her rooster story. It is hilarious. She's also has some well written stuff about chronic illness and the challenges she faces on a daily basis.

Jubilee - would be another one I pick. Besides the fact she's as addicted to the whole farm thing as I am, she has some great book reviews and all around good email buddy.

Speaking of email buddies, Margie if I could edit this for best email person you would take the crown!

I'm also giving a holla to rthling(Diane) - us crazy homeschool people need to stick together. She also cracks me up and suffers from a crazy mother as well.

I hope y'all have a great Labor Day weekend. We took the boys to see G.I.Joe which was a really great movie. Not much planned. I got the last of the scrapbook stuff all packed away and we're gearing up to start school. So for those of you who are about ready to enjoy the weekend - we salute you!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

You Know You Got It Bad When

The sad thing is I can apply this to both blogging and now farming. I have to say I prefer FarmTown over Farmville. But that is another post all together.

But you know you have it bad when you toss and turn in your sleep thinking you are still on the computer writing a post, or harvest/plow a crop. So you end up dreaming about it all night long.

You wake up and rush to the computer to either check the mistake on your blog you dreamed you made, to check out the truck load of comments you dreamed you got, OR to harvest your crops before they go bad. Only to find out you were wrong about it and none of it happened.

You're willing to send out a friend invite to people you don't even know just so they'll be your neighbor on FarmTown.

You want to kick the computer for booting you off a good harvesting job because you timed out on the server or move super duper slow.

Your family and friends roll their eyes at you or glaze over because they have no clue what you are talking about.

You also know you got it bad when you noticed today out in public that one of your boys could not take his eyes off of some bewbs. It didn't help that this gal had them locked, loaded and hoisted up for all to see. I think the other one noticed but was much smoother at checking em out.

You all can shoot me now.

You also know you got it bad when you inform your Husband that his spawn needs a proper talk about where to keep his eyes and he asks over what. Then when you say bewbage at 2 o'clock, you slap yourself for showing your man to check out better totties than what you carry.

I'm sensing another man-to-man hiking trek coming on in the near future. Hubs can tell them to either knock it off or teach them the art of stealth check-em-out verses the howling, drooling idiot that refuses to make eye contact with any woman. Although I don't know why I get my hopes up because they always end up coming back to me to verify everything.

Homeschooling Mom - blessing or a curse? I think I'll go back to farming and blogging thankyouverymuch.

We're pulling the plug on this computer sometime tomorrow. Which means I'm going to lose all my emails and my jokes. While I've printed off some, the thought of typing all that out is just more than what I want to think about right now. I'm posting a lot of them here so this will be long. Thanks Margie, Kaye, and Kerri for all the jokes you send me. My MIL still holds the recond on the best ones but I'll take them. Remember all the ones I've posted are the clean ones. Stop and let that soak in.

TIRED NURSE
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says: "Well, that's great....that's just great....Some a$$hole's got my pen."


THE IMPORTANCE OF WALKING
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,......just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
AND
Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.


ONLY THE IRISH HAVE JOKES LIKE THESE
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
'So,' says the cop to the driver, 'where have ya been?'
'Why, I've been to the pub of course,' slurs the drunk.
'Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening.'
'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile.
'Did you know,' says the cop, 'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?'
"Oh, thank heavens,' sighs the drunk. 'For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.'

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. 'Brenda, may I come in?' he asks. 'I've somethin' to tell ya'.
'Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?'
'That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery...'
'Oh, God no!' cries Brenda. 'Please don't tell me.'
'I must, Brenda. Your husband, Shamus, is dead and gone. I'm sorry.'
Finally, she looked up at Tim. 'How did it happen, Tim?'
'It was terrible, Brenda He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.'
'Oh my dear Lord! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?'
'Well, Brenda... No. In fact, he got out three times to pee.'

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, 'So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?'
She says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.'
The priest says, 'Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?'
She says, 'That he did, Father.'
The priest says, 'What did he ask, Mary? '
She says, ‘He said, please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

And the best for last
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, 'Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!'



Two men were sitting next to each other in a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.'
The other guy responds proudly, 'Yes, that I am.'
The first guy says, 'So am I, and where about from Ireland might you be?'
The other guy answers, 'I'm from Dublin, I am.'
The first guy responds, 'sure and begora, and so am I. And what street did you live on in Dublin?'
The other guy says, 'A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.'
The first guy says, 'Faith and it's a small world, so did I. So did I.. And to what school would you have been going?'
The other guy answers, 'Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course.'
The first guy gets really excited and says, 'And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?'
The other guy answers, 'Well, now...let's see, I graduated in 1964..'
The first guy exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it? I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self.'
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer..
Brian the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night here tonight.'
Vicky asks, 'Why do you say that Brian?'
'The Murphy twins are drunk again.'


THREE MEN ON A HIKE
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, The first man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'
Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'
Poof! . God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, The third man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, The tools and the intelligence to cross the river'
Poof! .. He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.



THREE MEN MARRIED WIVES FROM DIFFERENT STATES.
The first man married a woman from Michigan. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Missouri. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Texas . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.



RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere....But she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"


THINGS THAT MAKE YOU WONDER
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car-pool lane?
Why does Goofy stand up while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

Hope you have a great day!