Thursday, December 31, 2009

Dear 2009

Just so you know I thought you were a sucky year. From start to finish you haven't been very kind. As you are breathing your last breath, I wanted you to know that I wanted to dig a hole, shove you in, and then dance on your grave.

And that was just by summer time.

While that sounds a bit extreme for me, it did remind me of someone. After pondering for a few moments who could be that mean and cruel, it dawned on me. It sounds so much like you, 2009. All the promises of something new and wonderful only to be the pit of despair and smell like old dirty socks.

You have to admit, you have the sneer of angst coming your way. With Hubs starting and ending on unemployment and all the mess that has brought with it, you have left a bad taste in our mouths, 2009.

I will concede on a few points as there was a slight glimmer here and there sprinkled throughout the year. The war of Nerf was a huge hit. I hear tomorrow there is going to be another epic battle. We've had nothing but great visits from the in-laws all year. Been blessed with the shopping anointing, had the in-laws bailed us out - again. Both Hubs and I have been battling major giants and have slowly been making progress on crawling out of our graves. There was even a break from my folks.

But true to form, you managed to smash that to pieces as your final kick out the door. Not to mention being forced to file for bankruptcy. On my good days I don't think about being homeless.

I would like to think there were more good moments than bad but that wouldn't be the case with my over active imagination. While it is late and my mind is a bit fuzzy, I still say it has not been a good year.

You have brought us many days of pain, lots of tears, as well as fears. Sure the bonfire of 09 will go on to plague Hubs but in his defense that was one of the worst days we had all year. You may even try to say that it exposed his hidden talents of drop-kicking but I say that is just a ploy on your part to muddy the waters.

In short, it has felt like a year of grieving. One very long drawn out graveyard experience. It has also been very humbling. People I thought would care - didn't, and people I thought wouldn't care - did. Reminds me of the time when I was a kid and fell off my bike and a neighbor lady ran out and helped me. Her son hated my guts and went out of his way to torment me but she helped when I had a bloody nose and a chipped tooth.

In a weird sort of way, 09 has been like that. I feel bloody and chipped. There is the bitterness of being kicked to the curb and the surprise of who you find on the side of the curb.

There were times when I had slipped and fallen on my face, and times when I was shoved and held down. When there was no one to stand with me, there has been One who hasn't left my side. Even though the lies have pressed in hard and the chains of despair have dug into my skin, I choose to say I trust my God. When the what ifs are hounding me at night and I have soaked my pillow in tears, I've told my self to trust in the Lord and to put my hope - my fragile, broken, and bruised hope, in God.

What you don't know, 2009, is that while you have done your best to knock me out, I am still here. I am still moving forward. And you can't stop that. I'm coming out of this grave.

While we face a lot of unknowns in the next couple of months - things that have rocked me to my core - today, right this moment, I can say, "It is well with my soul". I have no clue how I will be in a few hours, tomorrow, or the next day but right now I'm holding on to it.

I hope in God. I hope 2010 goes well. I hope things will work out even though I have no clue.

I can say from experience that the sting of this year will fade away as it always does. I just hope it fades quickly. And I know as I hope, it will help.

So good-bye 2009! May you never repeat yourself, Mr. Stinky McStinkerton.


Dianne said...

First, let me say I love the new header and background. As far as everything else? Right there with ya girl

grandmamargie said...

I think there are a lot of people who feel the same way you do. I'm hoping 2010 is a better year for a lot of friends and family members. Keep hoping and trusting.

rthling said...

I love you, Joanna!
Your post moved me to tears. You have such a way of expressing yourself that makes me feel like I know you very well. Maybe it's because I truly know your pain. Well, some of it, anyway.
I think about you often, and pray for you whenever I do.
If I had money to spare, or an extra house to give you, I would totally help you out. But I don't, and you probably wouldn't want to move to Tennessee, because there's nothing going on here.
I pray that 2010 works better for your family, that your hubby finds reliable work, that the boys don't outgrow their clothes quickly, that your folks get a grip and realize life is too short for such nonsense, and that Dove delivers fresh chocolate to your door weekly. :-)
(and that I might bring a smile to your face occasionally...)

Joanna said...

Y'all got to know I love ya. Just big old sloppy kisses love ya. Not weird scary woman with poison apple love but chocolately love.

And if you get that - all the more reasons. hee hee :)

Kerri said...

Stinky McStinkerton. {snort} You crack me up. LOVE the new background and header!

Seriously, this is an awesome post...I know this year has been poopy for both of us, but hey, we have each other!

And you are so right...our Hope is God, and He will see us through!!

Love you!

jubilee said...

Your determination is inspiring. So glad you are purposing to rise above (with God's help) it all and push on.

You go girl. {hugs}

Anonymous said...

You tell 'em, girl! Lol. Good riddance '09; helloooo twenty ten! Trust in God. Sometimes I just have to keep repeating that to myself. But whatever works...

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Julie said...

I certainly hope that 2010 treats you better than 2009!!!

I know one thing for sure, you are one tough broad!


Anna K. said...

Yep, some things about this year have been downright poopy...I'm hoping that the poopy serves as fertilizer for some big, beautiful blooms this year and may your "yard" be full of them!

The new look is awesome, by the way! And Stinky McStinkerton is what I call the Bubs...especially after Taco Bell!! ;0)

Kristen said...

Happy Happy New Year!! I know 2009 sucked but 2010 will rock!

Anonymous said...

This message, is matchless)))