Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Now What?

So it's like 1:30 am. I'm not sleepy. I'm wiped out! Just got a serious amount of cookies baked. And there is still a serious amount more to do but those will wait for another day. The guys all came flying into the kitchen to see what smelled so good. First batch of cookies. They all grabbed a few and then disappeared.

Um, you're welcome.

Yesterday was interesting. Hubs had been brilliantly plotting about switching around a couple rooms. Bernie turned out to be too hot for a dining room but great for a cozy family room. We swapped the 2 rooms and oh my word the work this involved. It turned out really nice. Our dining room now feels sort of formal. Bit weird, but we like it. Once the Christmas tree comes down, we'll rearrange that room and tweak my pit, I mean den.

Had to have the guys help move stuff around. Went through tons of junk and cleaning and more cleaning. After moving everything around looks like it all needs cleaned again. Mutant dust bunnies are not to be messed with.

I would take pictures but, um, I'm still going through junk and cleaning so it's not ready. Someday I'll get there. Just not today. Hubs did give the guys a hard time for not getting school work done to which I asked where their books were at. After about 5 minutes of searching, the book were a bit buried. I told Hubs to cork it.

Needless to say we were all very happy he had work today. It just wasn't a very long day. Boys have already asked when we start our break. I was all for pulling the covers over my head to avoid reality, as well as their schoolwork, but I was out voted. I still think God cheats. I don't recommend playing rock, paper, scissors with Him. Just saying. He seems to win all.the.time.

Do me a favor, please pray for us. The whole mortgage thing - lets just say it is designed to screw you over several ways. I am beyond spent on the whole thing. I was listening to the new Steven Curtis Chapman CD - oh my word is it good. I was just snotting myself. Spoke a lot about loss and the pain but trusting God in the middle of it. I find my own faith so very little staring up a this huge mountain that just won't go away.

I so want to do the Nestea plunge of just trusting. But I find myself unable to do it. Does not help when the people around me prove to be untrustworthy. I have a long list of where things did not go according to plan. There is not trust. So when God tells me to trust Him - I struggle really bad with this.

Hubs was reminding me of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. He had to take a leap of faith in order to continue on the journey. It looked impossible. When he stepped out, there all along was a bridge cleverly disguised to match the surroundings.

I am so there.

Except I've got a death grip on the side of a rock having a really hard time prying my own hands off. People are willing to toss my butt off the cliff but I have a feeling they would miss the bridge.

Houston, we have a problem.

To just keep piling the poo on, Dad called again. I picked up the phone. I got off the phone and then spent the next 3 hours just bawling my head off at the stupidity of it all. It was a decent phone call just made me really miss the way it use to be. Another gravestone to look at.

I keep waiting for life to make sense. It's not cooperating. Darn it all. I just turned on my MP3 and Hold Fast by Mercy Me just came up. It goes "Hold fast, help is on the way. Hold fast He's come to save the day."

Hilarious, God.

At least He hasn't lost His sense of humor.


Chris said...

christmas cookies... sigh:)

rthling said...

yeah, those conversations with wayward parents seem innocent, and we are fooled into thinking they might have grown into normal people while we weren't looking, then they stomp all over us and we drag our bleeding emotions home, licking wounds and asking, "WHY?!?! Why do I think anything has changed? When will I learn that NORMAL is never in the cards?"
And yet, we do it at least once, sometimes twice a year. We let her get close enough to see something that matters, and then she calls the next morning to sweetly ask, "Good morning, honey, I was wondering, after you left last night, did you happen to call your brother's ex, whom he loathes, and tell her that he had a vasectomy? You are the only one I told, and it just seemed odd that after I'd known for a week, the next day after I told you, she just HAPPENS to know about it."
Why on God's green Earth, would I do that?
No? Then it must just be me. :-(

Joanna said...

Yay, you're both alive!!!

Kristen said...

I'm praying for you! sorry I have been mia, school took over for just a bit! Have you heard Chris Tomlin's new Christmas cd? amazing!! but just hang in there!

Joanna said...

Kristen - you're fine. I haven't been able to keep up with people's blogs. Life happens.
Yes, I got the Chris Tomlin CD - good stuff!!

Anna K. said...

Speaking of songs with great lyrics, there's one that my Dad has sung since I was little that popped in my noggin as I was reading your post~

"When I think I'm going under, part the waters, Lord.
When I feel the waves surround me, calm the sea.
When I cry for help, hear me, Lord, hold out your hand.
Touch my life, still the raging storms in me.
Knowing you love me, helps me make it through the day.
Hearing your footsteps, lets me know you're on the way.
In the night of my life, you chase those shadows away.
Here is my pain, heal it once more."

Kerri said...

I'm sorry honey. I'll call you later.
Love you.

jubilee said...

Sigh . . .

I feel for ya. Can't say that I know exactly, but I feel for ya.