Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Peeps Have Spoken

I know I haven't posted much jokes lately. Right now I have a few extra political ones. Don't throw the tomatoes at me - it's nothing but jokes. All I can say is these are the ones I can post. And there are only 4. Let that one sink in for a minute.

I do have a question. I heard there is a court date to prove if the Prez was legal to even run. If they find out he wasn't, what the heck does that mean? Is there a recall or what? Oh my gosh does this mean he's really from China??? I just knew I should have paid more attention in my government class waaaay back when.

POLITICAL ONE LINERS
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
America needs Obama care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
Heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser.
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary? A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.
Obama has ordered GM to come out with a new model called the Pelosi. It's a convertible, but no one wants to see it with the top down.
On Halloween you put on a false face and trick people. This year Barack Obama went as – Barack Obama.
If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved? America!
Q: What’s the difference between Barack Obama and his dog, Bo? A: Bo has papers.

JOB OPEN FOR A LEMON PICKER
A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; Have you ever had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times and I voted for Obama."

(Thanks Kerri)
The Department of Defense briefed the President this morning and told President Obama that two Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone's surprise, all the color drained from Obama's face. Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.
Finally, he composed himself and asked, "Just how many is a brazilian?"

(Dianne wins this one!!)
After a President has been in office for 6 months it is customary for the last President to send a note of congratulations to the new one.
So yesterday when the note came from Bush to Obama, the President was somewhat troubled because it was written in code and all it said was: 370H-SSV-0773H
This troubled him as he had always heard from his peers how former president Bush was perceived to have been scholarly challenged.
So he took the note to his wife. She was unable to decipher it.
They called in the VP, and he was unable to decode the message. They called in the chief of staff and the head of Secret Service detail and they were unable to determine the meaning of the note.
Next he called in the head of the Senate and Speaker of the House. They both were mystified by the meaning of the coded message. Now there was complete panic in the oval office. They called all of their contacts in the media and sent copies of the note to all of them, and not one was able to come up with an answer.
A special emergency meeting was called by the staff. All branches of the military, counter intelligence, CIA, FBI were called in, and the best minds were unable to crack the code. After a sleepless night, a now humbled President picked up the phone and called the former president, and asked him the meaning of the note.

Bush chuckled and replied: 'Dude.... You're holding it upside down!'

(Just so you know, I had to look at the 'code' sort of sideways to get it and then proceeded to fall out of my chair laughing.)

And just because....

FLU UPDATE!
What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?
For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.


Wow! I can hear the groaning from here!! At least you laughed, right? Right???

10 comments:

grandmamargie said...

Yeah, I laughed at the note from Bush. :)

jubilee said...

I didn't see the 370H-SSV-0773H coming at all. *snicker*

Julie said...

FUNNY! Love the note from Bush! ;)

http://scrapgrrl.com

Anna K. said...

You. Slay. Me!

Dianne said...

BBBWWWAAAHHHAAAAHHHAAAHHHAAA, u get the picture, snicker, snicker

rthling said...

brazilian: LOLOLOLOL!

Kerri said...

Bo has papers...{snort} Bwah!!!
YAY for Joanna's jokes!!!
LOVE the oinkment. hehehheeh
Have a good one!

Lauren said...

Oh my gosh! Those were hilarious, and my entire family would love these! Haha. I'll have to email them this link, because they'd get a good crack out of all of them. Can't wait to read more jokes!

Visiting from SITS.

Aleta said...

LMAO - loved the code message!

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!