Sunday, December 6, 2009

What Can Ya Say?

I'm not sure whether I should laugh or even blog about this but since that doesn't stop me....

We visited another church and honestly I was almost attacked with the church giggles. I'm sitting in this church thinking thanks, but no. The worship was not my speed and I think I may have been the youngest woman there. For some reason I found the whole thing just funny. Not sure if that's a sign that I've truly lost it, or what. Since I've said you have to have something first before you can lose it - I think I'm safe.

The guys were all pounced on by the grandma brigade. Since that was most of the congregation, I think they were a hit. At one point M sneezed and he had several women from behind handing him tissues. And not just your typical snot rags, no - the good kind. Kleenex that were so thick and soft we could have sown those bad boys together to make a junior snuggie.

I'm just hoping none of them tried slipping him their number. Something like "For a good stew call Edna. She likes baking cookies and is looking for a man in her life." No, nothing like that, she just wants someone to hug, do grandma-ly things with and call him George since her grand kids all live out of state.

N did say they were in the market for a new grandma but said he would be worried the competition would turn fierce and was afraid for these ladies very lives. He's so considerate to be thinking of only their welfare. Which means he didn't think it through to see how they would be fighting over him and could have scored big time. Oh well.

It seems no matter where we go everyone insists they know Hubs. During the meet and greet one lady was just sure she taught his English class and he had to tell her repeatedly he didn't go to school in Michigan. Bet it's those Clark Gable looks of his.

The preaching was a lot better than the worship but what cracked me up was we almost made it out the door before anyone would talk to us. They sent poor Maw-maw and Ethel to toss their oxygen tanks at us to trip us up so we would crash into their welcome table that was cleverly disguised as, um, a wall. So I guess it was their welcome wall.

But this allowed the pastor to grab some of their latest literature and really pushed for us to give blood.


I know it's important and all, but call me old fashioned as I would have liked to at least been introduced before trying to schedule me to give blood. As in I'm being invited to some Christmas cantata and told I should arrive early so as to give blood and have time to recover for the program.

Alrighty then.

And this is me we're talking about. Any discussion about blood causes my stomach to do the mambo, then I get dizzy and feel the sudden urge to puke and then pass out. Clearly this is the reason I'm invited to so many parties as who wouldn't want that wild action at their next gig?

They were trying to hand me tickets and telling me to bring a friend. What's that Ethel? You have extra tickets??? How is this possible? With my side show performance I'm sure that will leave a great impression on them.

We were walking to our van and I muttered I wasn't sure if it was a church or a vampire club. Unfortunately my spawn heard this and busted up laughing. J wasn't amused as he really like the kids church. I asked how many were in his class. Counting him - 5. I asked him what his lesson was about and if there was one he didn't remember it. I think they just walked around the room making animal noises.

Knowing him, he had a grand time. A bit concern that he doesn't seem to have standards in what he's looking for in a church. I think he enjoyed the grandma attention. My kids certainly got screwed in that department. One lives far away and the other one we wished stayed far away.

And speaking Dad tried calling all weekend. Then I get an email inviting me to his side of the family Christmas thing. The email said that Dad won't be able to be there but according to Dad's message that's not the case. I smell a rat.

Doesn't matter as the in-laws will be coming up same day so unable to attend. I'm trying to keep my snickering at a low level. I almost sound like that cartoon dog Muttly. The guys are all shouting their praises of God's deliverance.

At least we're thankful and some days that is more than half the battle.

I told Hubs this probably isn't the best time to be church shopping with all the holiday stuff going on. Sort of hard to get a feel for something when there is extra stuff going on. Actually we've sort of had fun with it. I think we could book out next year just shopping all the different churches.

It's too bad you can't do what some of those commercials offer. Where you have the long line of choices but you keep saying what you are looking for and it keeps narrowing it down for you until it's what you want.

But we can't be having that or things would get too close to making life a bit easier.


Kerri said...

He He he ehe he...asked you to give blood on the first visit. WOW!! I wonder what the encore is...donate an organ?

I see their point, BELIEVE ME, because I'm ALWAYS thankful for people who donate (that are ABLE to) because I receive plasma every 3 weeks...but to jump on first time visitors...Dang!

Julie said...

They asked you to come to the cantata and give blood before hand???? ... Now that just seems a little off. *lol*

Totallyscrappy said...

LOL! You had me at the tissue thing, but then the whole blood thing... I think I may have diet pepsi spewing out of my nose!
On Sunday one of my sons was in denial that he needed a tissue and the lady on the other side of me kept trying to persuade him that he really did want one of her cool tissues. Heck, I wanted one! It was one of those cool, $1 mini packs with reindeer printed on them!

jubilee said...

Muttley! I love him! Well, you know, as much as a real person can love an animated character.

We visited a church where we were pounced upon. Quite uncomfortable. Especially when someone needs a tic tac. BG