Sunday, January 31, 2010

Fatty Batty Goes Splatty

And so does the ceiling fan!!

All I can say to all the "what, another bat?" is I KNOW!!!

For those of you new or tried to forget the bat stories
here and here would be some entertaining reading. Or not.

For those of you keeping score, we are now at bat number 10. Number 10 is d-e-a-d - dead, dead, dead!! Thank goodness! Little rat was harassing the boys, who get the big kahunas award for not screaming like 2 year olds. How they didn't just amazes me. Nicholas said the bat crashed into his bed. Dude! And you didn't scream???? He said he couldn't because his heart was in his throat.

About 3 am Michael finally made a break for it and tipped-toed into our room. Ever so gently he said, "I think there's a bat in our room." I think that phrase and "I just barfed" will wake you out of a dead sleep faster than the speed of light.

Needless to say, both Hubby and I flew out of bed. They told me how it crashed into the ceiling fan - twice and grazed the side of the wall and that little bit of crashing into Nicholas' bed. This was going on for hours but no one was brave enough to get out of bed to get us. Say what?? Scream peeps, scream! I know I would have.

We looked - nothing. We waited in ambush - nothing. We gave up only this time we said yell if you see it or hear it. I still can't believe they let that go on for hours without yelling. I would have been screaming to the point of getting hit to shut up.

Surely this will put me in the running for the Rotten Parent Award.

So around 5-ish, Jared yelled loud enough to wake the neighborhood as well as the dead. Luckily there are no cemeteries around or that would have been freaky. Dealing with a bat was bad enough. There is only so much my ticker can take, people.

We went running and sure enough the bat was in their room flying around. Only this was the biggest one yet. Figures. Bat numbed 10 was the big fatty.

There was Hubby with his bat slayer 2000 and me with an old yearbook, aka bat slayer junior, both swinging away. Hubs got real close but ended up getting the chain from the ceiling fan instead. As fate would have it, the chain got tangled up in the ceiling fan and ripped the chain out and throwing the room back into darkness. With a bat flying around above my children.

Welcome to my hell - I'll be your tour guide.

On the left we have Michael who shrank into the tiniest ball, buried under his covers. You'll see Nicholas has also done the same thing with Jared trying to crawl up my back with a mountain of blankets over his head. All while Hubs is swinging the bat slayer.

I can't even make this crap up.

The chain for the fan part was stripped out and had the fan on high but since it was tangled in the motor the thing was trying to move but couldn't. Luckily we have a separate switch that kills power to the whole thing. So fan is off, had to turn on lamp, children all undercover and a bat was still flying all kamikaze style over head.


Then the sucker started to dive bomb us.

Oh happy day.

It landed on the curtain. Trouble was there is glass behind that curtain. With the adrenaline a pumping we decided that maybe we should use something soft to hit the dang thing. Hubs grabbed an old towel and smacked the thing. Granted it knocked the curtain off the rod but the bat was stunned beyond stupid. Hubs threw the towel over it with me tossing the yearbook on top. I think I might have screamed yer momma too.

Hubs looked at the book on top of the towel and then at me and started laughing. That is until the big fatso commando crawled out from underneath the towel and squeaked.

I give my Hubby major credit. I screamed eww, eww, eek, eeeekkk kill it!!! He remained calm and was able to get it pinned again and gave the book a couple good punches. Then like the woman that I am, I started to yell at him not to get blood on the carpet.

Again, not making this crap up.

He said he would clean it up. I'm picturing ripping up carpet and whathaveyou. After another punch, Hubs lifted to book off and saw blood seeping through the towel. He scooped up the bat in the towel with me saying throw them both away. He nodded and tossed them both into a wally world bag.

Luckily no blood was on the carpet but he scrubbed the area down anyway. Got the ceiling fan all de-tangled but now it needed a new switch. Whatever. I was just happy the thing was dead.


So we stumbled off to bed around 5:30-ish. A.M. When it was time to get up for church, lets just say no one was willing to go. Well Hubs and N were ready to go but neither one looked too with it.

We ended up having to run and get a new switch. The light works and 2 of the speeds on the fan works so close enough. So much for a day of rest!

The words - they fail me right now.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Very Long Post

I feel the need to put a disclaimer. I'm trying to figure out how say this without sort of slamming a few people. That isn't my intention and not really the focus. While I could go totally off on the hurt, it's not the point I want to make. I really have no way to put this without saying a few things.

With that said...

I am so blaming Jared for this as he started it. I've always said you know you're in a bad spot when God has to get your attention through a kid's video.

About a couple months ago he wanted to watch VeggieTales Jonah. Since then I have been coming across boat analogies from like every where and from everyone. Sort of freaky and I'm thinking I would like to avoid boats for a while.

Last year we left the church we were attending. Just felt that it was time to jump ship. We attached our boat to someone else and sadly that didn't turn out well at all. We went through some hard stuff and I found myself on the outside very quickly. I was told that I was too negative and basically I didn't get my junk squared away fast enough for people and got the cold shoulder.

I had tried to go to people and find out what was wrong and every single person looked me right in the eye and lied. No one said the truth to my face. I found out it was all discussed behind my back so then when it did come time for the face to face, everyone had their ducks in a row and I wasn't welcomed and was shown the door. It was sort of slow motion as the realization washed over me that there wasn't a blooming thing I could do or a word I could say that could have changed anyone's mind.

Totally sucks on a normal day but it was a thousand times worst in the midst of all the crap we've been going through.

A few days later, my MIL sent me an email and said she had a dream about me. She said I had gone to the Fairgrounds. She said the word fairgrounds was in bold letters. I got on a seesaw and this other woman, who I had respected, got on the other side. She had a lever on her side and when she held it down, my end stayed down while her side stayed up in the air. She said in the dream this woman was pointing and laughing at me while she held me down. Another girl came over with her kids and they were laughing at me and her kids where pointing me out to other people so they could laugh that I was down.

She said in the dream I kept looking at the word Fairground thinking people would be fair. She said then an angel appeared and said I'm loved with an everlasting love thus sayeth the Lord. After that everyone stopped and walked away from me. She said it was so vivid that it took her a few minutes to figure out where she was at when she woke up.

Interesting.

In the middle of all the junk we were going through - to have people just turn their backs on us because they didn't want our junk near them was very confusing. Nothing I said was right and only seemed to make things worse so I pulled away. I heard a lot of people say that we were in the wrong so us going through hard times was God dealing with us. I also heard nothing would have made me happy so that was the excuse used to wash their hands of their obligation.

Oh could you please kick me while I'm down?

It wasn't long after that I started getting all these boat themes. I even read a few blogs back to back about Jesus walking Peter back to the boat but didn't calm the storm until after they were in. I can relate to that. I have been hit in the face with more than one wave and I was going down. Jesus has been with me the whole time but the stinking storm is still a blowing.

We're doing a bible study and it's about listening prayer and the different ways to center down and focus. Boy do I have issues with the whole focusing part! The biggest thing is be aware of Who's presence you're in. I've found that is actually hard to remember. I have my agenda, my list, my urgent requests that I find many a time my prayer is very much like Martha, Martha, Martha instead of Mary taking in what He has to say.

It's been interesting stuff. I'm glad we're doing it as I need all the help and tools I can get to help me to stay focused.

So I was using one of the techniques about palm down - laying it all out before the Lord, getting my hands off of it and then palm up - receiving what God has to say. I was really struggling with the rejection of the whole thing that day. When I got to the point of just okay God what do you have to say about it, I immediately had this picture of being in a boat. Dark clouds where all around it and huge, angry waves was just rocking the boat like crazy. I was then tossed overboard by the people in the boat.

As I'm treading water, I heard a few people say that God would deal with me and was angry with me because the proof was all the stuff I was dealing with. The boat sailed away and I watched as the people all patted each other on the back at how well they handled the situation.

I'm still treading water thinking I was going to be swallowed up by a whale at any moment. According to all of them I was the one in the wrong. But as the boat got farther away from me, the dark clouds followed it and the waves settling down. It took me a while to notice that Jesus was standing on the water a few feet away and was just waiting for me to notice Him.

I was so relieved!! I thought He was on the boat sailing away from me and here He had been with me the whole time. While I'm not saying He isn't with those people, I was just relieved because everyone keeps telling me that I'm the problem. I had been told I was in rebellion and I think everyone was pretty sure I was going down - fish food. Bad me, why else would we be up to our eyeballs in junk?

That junk is being used to bring some changes. I can't say as I'm totally thrilled with all the changes but it's been good in interesting ways. I can say now that even in the middle of all the uncertainty there has been huge amounts of peace. The more I'm letting go the more I'm just leaning back and finding Him.

And the farther that boat gets away from me the better I'm doing.

I was flipping through the channels when I landed on a preacher that said be careful who's boat you're in as it may take you to a place where you don't want to go. No kidding!!

I can say the depression has been lifting. But I still struggle with not wanting to be around people. What can I say? I don't want to walk the plank again.

I seem to have this ability to step my foot right in the middle of something. Open mouth - insert foot. Someone says something - misunderstandings fly - next thing I know I'm the bad guy in the middle when I wasn't the cause nor did I start it. But when the other 2 parties kiss and make up, I'm the scapegoat. I get blamed for just about everything. Who knew I had so much power? I'm thinking of trying it on the weather next.

But I do find myself feeling very vulnerable and scared out of my whits that I'm going to get chewed up and spit out - again - left on the side of the road thinking I so should have seen that one coming. Again.

I've heard I've been tossed under the bus again on an old subject from the old church. No one will own up to their actions so it's easier to pin the blame on me as I don't go there. What the hey people? Another case of kiss me on the cheek and stab me in the back and for what purpose? I do not understand why people turn so many things into a competition.

I wonder if they sell bullet/blade/bomb proof bras? The church is in huge need to those. Now you too can enter in any church, in any area, fully protected from your siblings in Christ. Yes Jesus loves you but you made the mistake of not sitting in the leper's pew. Wear this baby and you won't have to watch your back as it does it for you.

Wha? I'm just trying to find sarcastic humor in the midst.

I've been told by a few people that I can come across very prickly. My Mom is as cuddly as a cactus, to hear that I'm sort of like that....not sure what to make of that. I don't think I know how to be myself. At least not around others. I don't seem to be accepted in a lot of circles. I have been shot down in too many situations that I'm trying to avoid it for the 600th time. Oddly enough I find that I end up backing into it instead.

But I'm trying to get over that. I know of One who accepts me lumps, bumps and all. I think as I focus on being in His presence all the other junk really won't matter.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Freak Out

I just looked at the clock and thought, "Oh snap! What am I going to blog about?" While I know it doesn't seem like I give this hardly any thought - and you would be right some of the time - it does require some brain power.

Something that made my brain very happy - LOST will be on Feb. 2 starting at 8 pm on ABC. Set your time, your watches, heck camp out in front of the TV. Goodness knows I've already staked out my spot. It may be the same spot I end up with for the super bowl. It's the spot closest to an outlet so my cute toy can stay plugged in.

So it's been a few weeks with the new love of my life. While Burnie will always be there for me, he's only a seasonal thing that will end when people start mocking me for wearing a ski mask - in June. Hubs has accused me of playing with the laptop more than...wait a second, that doesn't sound right. He's just bitter than I sort of freaked snarled at him for touching it. I rushed to the laptop and promised never to leave it out of my sight again.

Okay, it didn't really go down like that.

But the boys have been teasing me non-stop. First it was Babs, now this. No respect!


Today I ended up on all the computers at one point or another grading different stuff. This was more than what my brain could handle. Each one was different and had a different way of doing things so by the end of the day brain said, "see ya chick" and made a play for the keys.

Except it had no where to go.


And I so saw that one coming.

I have noticed that I now really hate one keyboard. It is the oldest and I feel like my fingers are now on some cruel stair master compared to the sleek design of the others. But I'm still not use to the notebook's keyboard. This has slowed my typing waaay down. Instead of sounding like a machine gun, I now sound like an average typist. Oh the shame and humiliation!! This must be what Hubs feels like every time he touches a keyboard. At least he does when I'm done mocking him.

He had a few things he needed typed and I was thrilled it wasn't a new camping list. I sat down and had it done in less than 5 minutes. I was irritated it took me that long. He, of course, said I'm scum. Not my fault I use all my fingers to type with. And on bad days when some jerk has me in a white jacket, I've used my toes.

I am so kidding! I don't really have toes.

I'm now wondering if they may be a birth defect. Stumpy little things that are just sad to look at. I try not to look at them. I'm usually glad that most of the year they are hidden from sight. But once summer rolls around, I can't rock a nice pair of sandals because then my nubbins are exposed. The horror of it has been pretty damaging. One gal needed shock treatments to get the imagine out of her head.


True story - sort of. Maybe. Well, in a general sense. There was some mental scarring but now that I think about it, I don't think it had anything to do with my toes.

Um, where was I? Toes!

I think they may have toe nails. I'm not sure. I just try to paint something on each toe to make them look like toes. I just hope like heck that people are distracted by the pretty color and don't comment that they sort of look like those cocktail wienies. All wrinkly only without the BBQ sauce. More like a pale white sauce.

I think I just barfed a little in my mouth at the visual.


I think I'll change topics. Besides, I have no idea how I got on this subject to begin with. All I know is it's now why-am-I-up a.m. and I really should have something on my blog. How else am I going to get discovered to become a great writer and have all kinds of cool things open up for me??

Cricket, cricket

Well, I can dream.


Or have massive panic attacks if it were to happen. Because people are freaking me out. I've had over 10 people in the last 2 months tell me I need to write a book. And I'm talking off the wall, in my face, several people and not just my imaginary friends. I find that funny and disturbing on many levels.

Lets pretend I actually have talent. Can one really write a whole book on sarcasm alone? Because that is all I got going for me. Michael calls it the spark of snark.

Let us also not forgot that I can't stay on topic or make a point.

And I have written a book before but it ended in disaster. Several years ago I had just about finished it when we started having computer issues - big shock - and I put the whole file on a disk. Only to have said disk see it for a handful of times and then declared it was now blind and could no longer see anything. It went on to self-destruct and about blew up the computer.

Now I'm handed this bad boy and a few people telling me to go forth and write.

As I sat there blinking back the hysterical laughter, I managed to asked what would I write about??

Someone said I should do a tell all on the many adventures of Cruella and Howard the coward. The problem with that is I don't think I could get their consent to give me legal permission to use their names. And I have a feeling my parents would sue me if I tried it anyway as some sort of copyright infringement as they've had their names registered.

Wow. That sounds like a page turner - for a textbook example of coo-coo.

Maybe I could write something encouraging for a homeschooling mom except I would have to title it The True Confessions of a Home School Slacker. Dude, that's true on both levels. I was and now am - way to make myself depressed. There goes that audience.

So back to square zero.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Flame Broiled

When we last left our heroine she was poised with a fork in her hand ready to poke. Thankfully she was talked down by the spoon, who conveniently had some cookie dough on it.

Believe me that spoon had to talk fast.

We have a wood burning stove that is my winter love affair. Burnie (yes, I know that's not how you spell that) really can heat things up and I have to say has burned me a few times with our hot romance. But I just can't quit him. Especially when I live in frozen nose hair land and live in an old house that no matter how much crap we shove around the doors, the warm goodness known as heat still runs out.

So Burnie got a little smokin hot after Hubs loaded it up as we were going to wally world for the loading of the carts. We were all in the living room, no where near Burnie, finishing up the grocery list. I was just coming out to grab my coupons when I noticed Burnie was making the noise that drives fear into my heart - God bless that chocolate covered lump as it's still a bit shaken.

I tend to freak when the metal heats up and makes a ticking noise that I've asked Hubs a brazillion times if it was safe. After hearing a brazillion times that it is safe, I still get a bit skert. So when I heard the crackling noise in the pipe, I may have shoved J out of the way, jumped over the coffee table and closed the air supply to kill the fire. I didn't need to see the temperature gage of 650 to know there was a fire in the pipe - not the chimney - but the pipe leading to the chimney. The crackle of creosote catching on fire and falling, the smell of hot metal, the screaming of me for Hubs to get off his butt and do something. What fun.

While there was no damage or anything, it's just further proof why I keep Clairol in business. Scared the willies right out of me.

Then came the blame game of why did you cram so much wood in there? Only to receive the explanation of we were leaving and didn't want the fire to die out. I said I would rather deal with a dead fire than a dead house.

I'm so demanding. How he stands me, I'll never know.

But I did give that fork a loooong look. And that spoon was really a sweet talker.

Once things had cooled down and everything was safe, Hubs announced it was time to go.
Me, being me, suggested we wait.
The guys all claimed we were out of food and needed to go.
I said I wasn't so sure.
Hubs reminded me I would have to cook something if we didn't leave so out the door we went.

I was feeling a bit spiteful and suggested taco bomb. I was given the look and was reminded we had coupons for BK. I already felt flame broiled from Burnie and I can't say as I was sure this was such a great plan. After I watched N and M inhaled a double whopper and J eat a triple stacker, I wasn't sure if I was impressed or slightly nauseous. I couldn't even finish the single whopper and Nicholas asked to finish it. And I'm the fat one! Where is the fairness of that?? It's like my metabolism was murdered in my sleep or something. Not only do I have the crazy woman thing, the yeti gene, but the fat gene as well.

Can I have a different pair of genes?

But I was happy to go to the grocery store as we were out of lotion. My dried skin cried for moisture and horror of all horrors was out. All I had was tanning oil which is hilarious because I can't tan. Not that I don't try - can't. So there I was in the irony called my life, spraying my butt white self down with tanning oil to give my skin some sweet blessed relief.

Jared ask me why did I smell like summer and I told him he was smelling things. Yes, I lied to my child. It's called parenthood. I even went a step further and pulled out lemon oil and rubbed down a few things. I think it was the guilty feeling rising up to smack me upside the head.

When Hubs caught a whiff of the lemon oil, he asked if there was a reason. I think he smelled the guilt through that lemon smoke screen. After I explained it all to him, he gave me a really weird look which makes me ask myself why did I bother. They don't get half of what I do. I don't get half of what I do, let alone have to explain it to the guys.

Right about now there are a couple of people that will declare progress has been made at me admitting I don't have a clue.

I will, of course, deny everything. Regardless that this blog could be used as proof.

There's always the fork.

Just saying.

Monday, January 25, 2010

To Bludgeon Or Not To Bludgeon

Oh the angst! All on my side. It's time to do a grocery list, k? Do you think the walking stomachs would be much help? Noo. Would the picky one that gags at most of what I make come up with stuff that he is willing to eat? Nooo. Does dear Hubby come up with something to help me out? Heck no! Matter of fact, he was a bit miffed that I dared to bug him about it.

I'm thinking of fork stabbing them all in the middle of the night.

Nothing gruesome or anything. Just take a fork and give them each a poke and declare them done and ready to eat. Then claim I was sleep cooking because they bug me for food all.the.time!!!

Revenge is a dish best served cold as the saying goes. I bet a man came up with that one cuz you know a woman is going to serve it up hot, fresh, and right now.

So I've had to pester the boys what they are in the mood for - chicken, hamburger, what? They said yes to all. But when I start to list stuff, I get an eh to everything. But when I tell them I quit and I refuse to cook any more they act like I just announced the end of the world.

I watched as the older 2 polished off dinner, as in fought over the last bite. Then later ask for a snack, a cup of hot cocoa and anything else they could get their hands on. We've noticed that J will stock up on the stuff he likes that way he's sure to survive his hungry strike. Good gravy! Momma did not say there would be days like this, just so you know. Y'all might have had smarter mommas, but my mom has left a few details out.

Not that I'm bitter.

Any more.

Although the last time I did talk to her she was saying how horrible my brother was at this age. I about dropped the phone. To hear a negative word about the golden child - well color me shocked. She did say she doesn't envy me and wonders how I'm surviving. I think I'm now skert because I'm not sure this is surviving.

Oh, I kid. I have awesome boys. They just like to eat. J's feet are almost as big as mine. Mark my words, that one is going to end up over 6ft. I have a feeling this summer they are all going to shoot up.

I was complaining to Kerri that I have been freaking out that next year is high school and that the twins are 4 years away from being adults. I really got hit with a devotional that said to enjoy people where they are at today. Lately, I have been so focused on the next 4 years that I feel that I've been in teacher mode a bit much, then slip back into mom mode only to jump over to hey you, pick that up mode.

Am I really enjoying my kids? Right now where they are at? Regardless of how much of their stuff is done?

That would be a no. (hangs head in shame)

I have mentioned a time or 20 that I can't juggle. I can multi-task, I can have several things going on at once. But there are days I feel like I'm missing the point. I'm not homeschooling because I think I can teach math better than the pros. Far from it. We felt to do this to keep our family together.

My brother was a pain. We were raised to be better than where he is at right now. That freaks me out and I wonder am I doing enough. I was in tears about this in prayer and had God tell me good gravy Joanna take a chill pill!

What? Like I'm the only one that spazes out when they pray? And then had to have a time out? Truth be told, I waited too long to take the burden to God so by the time I'm prying my hands off of it - well you just know it's a mess. Or I'm a mess. Maybe a bit of both.

I had someone say this in an email. "We skip things daily that could be life changing in our lives or someone elses but we are sure to have the laundry done. I was just thinking this morning about my relationship with my daughter and how I would tell myself "no I don't have time for you, I have this that and the other that needs to be done before I give you my undivided attention." I was comparing that thought to our relationship with God and our relationship with others. I feel like I never live my day to the fullest because I am too busy to make an impact, to live out daily what I am here to accomplish."

I would like to give her credit for it BUT no one wants their name mentioned on my blog. People ask for code names. It's like my blog is some dirty, guilty secret no one wants to know about. So thanks Nasty Girl (don't look at me, I don't come up with them). I have to agree with you that we get caught up getting our check list done that we forget to enjoy where we are at and who we are with.

We're doing a bible study and it said about Martha vs Mary that Martha forgot who's presence she was in. Wonder if that will help me keep it together? Ah, perspective how you often show up late.

*Sigh* Ok, I'm not going to fork stab them. They have no idea how close they came. But I may need intervention if they don't help with the groceries.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Not Sure How I Would Label This

Looks like we survived the week only to have it jump all over me today. I woke up with a horrible headache and wished the guys the best of luck and sacked out. When they got back from church, they all piled onto the bed to talk to me. This cracked me up. Only gone from each other for a little bit and then they have to give me the low down.

Any time they do something I'm not a part of, I get to hear the whole thing. I love hearing their opinion. Well, I should clarify. I love to hear their input on things. I know all about their opinion on some stuff but as long as we're not talking about school stuff, it's not bad.

But I didn't have to make lunch so I was happy about that. We got a couple hams from people around Christmas so I cooked up a ham Saturday and we did eggs Benedict for lunch. At least that was what it was supposed to be. I'm thinking the chef was a big chicken as he didn't even try to poach an egg. Instead he fried the egg. Eh, who cares? I didn't cook it. Muwahaha!

Although the boys did say the fried egg stayed on better as a poached egg tends to slide off. I think I'm of the opinion that it doesn't matter as long as there is hollandaise sauce. Yum-O. Pour that bad boy on my head and my tongue would beat my brains out to get to it. Then again the same could be said about chocolate.

Not a very picky tongue. And I guess it doesn't care for my brain very much.

After lunch, I got the boys laundry all folded then shuffled back to bed for a nap. Got up in time for the older 2 to head off to youth group and Jared and I crashed on the couch to watch Up. Good movie, bit sad but better than some of the other stinkers we watch this week.

I am still ticked off about those movies too.

None of the previews gave any warning and neither did the ratings. Since I really don't want Google sending unwanted people I'm not going to name them. There was one that sounds like amer and starts with a G that had so much nasty gross stuff, we ended up fast forwarding through a few scenes. I figured it was going to be bloody, shoot 'em up bang, bang NOT bewbage galore.

The only upside is after seeing that many bewbs, I don't feel so bad with what I'm sporting. Gave my girls an ego boost. Too bad I now need to scrub my brain with a toilet brush. Or maybe I'll just pour some sauce on my head and let my tongue beat the memory out.

The other one ended up slamming Christianity. Maybe they thought it was poking fun but we didn't take it that way. Made it sound that it's all based on a lie. I think when the dude had about 10 rules written on the back of pizza boxes is when I had it.

But it frustrates me. Some of the previews look great but the movie doesn't deliver. Nothing like wasting the time on total trash. Hmm, maybe that's why I had the headache? Smacked myself one too many times in the head with the toilet brush.

At least the boys have clean clothes so I guess it wasn't a total waste of a weekend. I'm sure once the pain meds kick in I'll forget all about it. Luckily my folks didn't show up but I'm a bit concerned at how paranoid I now sound.

Great.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Is This Normal?

Is it wrong to laugh at someone even though they aren't laughing? Let me explain. Hubster is a whiz at organizing. He has managed to tackle every room on the 1st floor in the last few weeks. I love everything that he has done. Now that everything is in order, I'm worried he's going to lose it with nothing to organize.

And that sort of makes me laugh.

I was trying not to snicker when I asked, "This is what will cause a brain cramp for you?" He pointed out that I liked everything that he did and it all works so much better. I totally agreed. But I thought getting it all done would bring inner peace for the crazy organized soul.

Silly me. What would I know?

Amazes me just how much junk is able to pile up in a short amount of time. I'm starting to wonder if stuff goes at it like a bunch of rabbits when I'm not looking. Sort of like the laundry. I have noticed that about the time I think I need to do a load or 20, it triples before I get around to it. So not fair.

Speaking of not fair.

My spider senses are telling me to be prepared for a parental visit. I'm betting either Friday or Saturday. I think they tried to call. Dad is using a calling card so when he calls nothing comes up on the caller id. They didn't leave a message. But I have a feeling this isn't over.

But of course this has to happen this week. Can't space out the crazy over a few weeks. No sir! Got to cram as much crap into one week as humanly possible. And then we go for the kitchen sink. The sink that started leaking and Fred had to fix - twice. All this week.

Goodness knows why people tell me I'm a drag to be around. I'm sure everyone who is picking out which cardboard box they want to live out of has such an upbeat out look on things.

Cricket, cricket

I am not that person.

Before I forget, I got an email asking me about Jared's eye. I know I posted that his eye is good as knew but I couldn't remember if I twittered it, blogged it, or put it on facebook OR all the above. Now that is just sad.

I have a good memory. I can even remember conversations in great detail. But I have noticed that I will space out on weird things. I'll ask Fred a question, he'll answer it, and then like 45 seconds later I will have forgotten that he answered and will ask him again. It's usually when I do this about 3 times in a row is when he snaps. A special something that drives him nuts. I wasn't even trying. Yet I tend to do this at least once a day. Not sure if I should laugh about that or run out of the room and silently chuckle. I think he can smell the mockery or something.

Which makes me think why he's trying to organize me is a form of payback. I told him to give up. I've made huge strides in that department in the 15 years of marriage. He calls them baby steps. Whatever. Forward momentum has been made. According to him, I have a long way to go.

He so needs to go back to work.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

How Is It This Late In The Week Already?

Seems like the week has flown by. It hasn't been the best of weeks as things are still up in the air. But then again that seems to be par for the course around here lately.

Ever have one of those days where you wish you could just blow it up, then scoop up the remains and set it on fire? Just me??? I knew it!

The other day was not a good day. So much so that when I sat down to blog nothing good came out. It was due to being at the lawyer's office, signed stuff and signed more stuff. Looked at where we are at with the moo-lah and just how sad we look on paper.

So very, very sad.

And then minus that by a lot. S-s-sad.


We may or may not have to move. We don't know yet. I do know it came down to the wire as our house was set to get sold Thursday at a sheriff's sale. Thankfully getting stuff filed will put the brakes on that.

Still not the best of feelings churning through the brain.

At one point Fred and I made eye contact and a lot was said but not spoken. I smirked and held up my hand and pointed to my wedding ring and said for better or worse...and we agreed, no one gets out alive. I've told him I am so proud of the changes I've seen in him. I said I know society and people in general measure a man by his career choices, his castle, by his wife and children, even his pee-pee size for crying out loud.


I know what this is doing to him. There is so much more to him than what we are going through. Yet to see that label of failure that wants to try and stick - sucks dirt. And to have no clue what the next step is just feels so overwhelming, so discouraging. A lot hangs on him getting off unemployment and that is beyond his control. Both of us have been looking for jobs and not much luck there to date.

Both of us have had our own battle of being wrestled to the mat and totally surrendering to God on everything but on different levels. We've had weeks of trying to negotiate with God. Yes, I know. Like that has ever worked. And I'm sure I'm in the only one that has tried this.


Mmm-hmm.

We did get to tell the boys some good news that their stuff isn't going to get sold off. While I still feel bad I think the guilt has eased up a bit. Although I still seem to have these weird moments where I feel like I'm on the runway receiving The Worst Parent Award. I'm doing some in your face dance to the runner up, complete with the cabbage patch thrown in for good measure. Right when I go to grab the award I get tackled off the stage. Maybe there is hope for me yet.


After a few blinks, I'm back to normal. Or at least as close to normal as I get. I wasn't even medicated for that little moment. Amazing, isn't it?

More unknown stuff on the horizon. More battles of surrender. More letting go. I'm finding the more I let go, the more I'm finding peace. Then again, this might just be me totally giving up. Who knows? Some days it feels the same.


I so do not want to be going through this. I look around my house and every corner we've fixed. There isn't anything we didn't do - and still have to do - to this place. The thought of losing it - no words describe the pain.

Ah, pain. How you're such a royal pain in my butt. Go the flock away! Seriously! You are so cramping my style. I am tired of just crap and being full of sorrow. I want peace, I want joy.

I told Fred I felt like I was giving God a bad name. Here we've been saying all last year that we're leaning on God and trusting He'll pull us through, yet here we are not looking very victorious. I've had a few people tell me that this is the fruit of something bad we've done. While I would like to counter, you without sin throw the first stone, but I find no energy to bother.

But as I was pouring out my frustrations to God, again, I'm finding more peace in the midst of a huge storm. And I finally had this peace wash over me as I felt totally spent.


Today it is well with my soul. All I can do is hope tomorrow will be well and the next week and the next month.

Monday, January 18, 2010

I May Need Intervention

So what is up with this - I woke up with this going through my head.

"Previously on LOST..."

What the hey?? I'm already obsessed about the show - this is nothing new to me, but in my sleep??

Am I the only one out there that is so very, very happy that this is the blessed end? The very last season? I have been on this crazy journey from the beginning and it has caused me to ruin many a pillow from tossing and tearing it out of frustration. Many a time my brain has given up but knows it is completely addicted and has to find out what happens. At this point I don't even care how it ends. I just need for it to end so I can have closure and move on with my life.

That sounds even sadder once I typed that out.


So sad. So very, very sad.

But I can't help it. I get invested in things and I just can't walk away and not know what happens regardless if it's fiction. Does that make me a control freak or slightly off?

Wonder if they have a pill for that? I wonder what THOSE side effects would be?

I was in a strange state of being me, when I saw a commercial for meds to help with depression when it listed all the side effect that was longer than the actual ad. One was suicide. While I'm no expert, but wouldn't that be a step in the wrong direction? I think I'll just stay in the funk and call it good, m'kay?

I asked Hubs what would happen if I was allergic to myself. He went to grab more evening primrose oil pills. I think he was muttering too. At least he wasn't trying to hand me a white jacket with buckles and straps on it. I guess that's a plus.

Kaye sent me this - he better not get his hands on this stuff. I think my head would explode.


This isn't my idea of intervention.

Matter of fact, I know one fictional character who would not approve. She is my MIL's hero.


"Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
"So she got up, unplugged my computer and threw out my wine. She's such a b*tch."

Maxine cracks me up.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

The Darker Side of Joanna

Got your attention, didn't it? And while you're used to my whining and complaining, this isn't a post like you think.

I would like to introduce to you the one, the only, dark creepy part of me - Hubs. He has begged and pleaded for me to keep his anonymity but most of you already know his name. And me wanting to give credit to where it is due - I'm going to rat him out.

Bloggy world meet Fred. Say hello Fred.

*sighs deeply* "Hello, Joanna's imaginary friends."

*smack* Hey!

"Joanna has been hounding me to do a guest post. And even though I've been considering it, I was at a loss as to what to say."

Funny, he wouldn't shut up the other day.

*Gives stink eye* "But considering Joanna's blog subtitle of therapy gone blog, I'm going to stick with that concept and talk about what I need to hear the most."

"With everything we have coming up this week, continued unemployment, bankruptcy filing, and court dates, the outlook seems bleak. This is something God has been teaching me and I'll share a little bit of it with Joanna's imaginary friends. And I figured it's safe since she only has 3 readers."

It's InterPeeps - get it right. And they're not imaginary. Plus, I have 5 readers - I'm moving up.

"I found a quote in Philip Yancy's book The Jesus I Never Knew that really spoke to me and where I'm at right now. "The other 2 days have earned names on the church calendar: Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Yet in a real sense we live on Saturday, the day with no name. What the disciples experienced in small scale - we now live through on cosmic scale. Human history grinds on between the time of promise and fulfillment. Can we trust that God can make something holy and beautiful and good out of a world that includes Bosnia and Rwanda, and inner city ghettos and jammed prisons in the richest nation on earth? It's Saturday on planet Earth; will Sunday ever come?"

"Of course what Philip Yancy was talking about was the Second Coming. The human race struggles in the Saturday in between His promised return and it's fulfillment. That's the big picture. But what struck me was on a smaller scale. Am I the only one that ever feels trapped in Saturday? Caught in between seeing His promises written in His Word and seeing His promises fulfilled in my life."

"I hope I'm not the only one."

"We read about His promised provision and yet the mailbox is full of overdue bills. We read about His healing power and yet the sickness remains. We read that He has His hand in our relationships and yet the distance between us grows. We read of His love for the lost and yet that loved one we keep praying for keeps running away from God. And sometimes it makes matter worse when we see answered prayer all around us. We're plagued with thoughts of why not me? Why haven't my prayers been answered?"

"It's like being in the waiting room of the doctor's office for your 9 am appointment. Here it is 4 in the afternoon, and everyone who came after you got to go in before you. You go up to the receptionist and asked if they forgot to call your name, or perhaps you got the date wrong and she tells you, "No, we haven't forgotten you and yes you're supposed to be here, but it's not time for you yet. That's why a doctor's clients are called patients."

"Am I the only one who believes that patience is not a virtue, it's a four letter word?"

"I mean does anyone really like waiting? Some people handle it better than others, but I don't think anyone likes waiting. And if you do, that's disturbing, seek professional help."

"Don't we all want things right now? And it seems that faster is never fast enough. We used to make coffee in a percolator and then it got faster with the automatic coffee maker. But that wasn't fast enough. We put timers on the coffee maker so it can start brewing before we can even wake up. But that still wasn't fast enough. You still have the horribly slow process of pouring the coffee into the mug and adding your own cream and sugar."

"Who has time for that?"

"Now we have drive thru gourmet coffee and still it isn't fast enough. "I only ordered a tall vanilla latte with skim milk, but a double dose of whipped cream and a sprinkle of cinnamon and a fresh baked blueberry muffin. How can it possibly be taking this long? I've been waiting for a full 60 seconds!"

"But we don't have much of a choice, do we? We've already ordered the coffee and we've already paid our money. So we have to wait, don't we? We're not going to drive off without our coffee since we already paid for it. We'll just sit there and gripe and complain about how long it's taking and then we won't even enjoy it. That gourmet coffee we've been looking forward to all morning is lost behind the thoughts of well it took them long enough, I'm never coming back here."

"So how does this parallel our spiritual life? We bring requests before God, we invest our time and hope in that request, and then we gripe and complain about how long it's taking God to "fill our order". So when we do get an answer to our prayer, what should have been gratitude is now "well it took you long enough, God. If it's going to take you that long to answer prayer, I don't know why I even bother". And sometimes we do the unthinkable: we just drive off without our answer. We stop waiting on God, we stop expecting our order to be filled and we just leave the throne of God, never wanting to return again."

"So many times our impatience costs us our answer. Instead of waiting for God we storm off like a 2 year old who didn't get his cookie. God has been waiting to give us our answer but our attitude has gotten in the way. I know for myself that I need to set aside my impatience and replace it with gratitude before I can expect to receive anything from God."

"Did I mention that I hate waiting?"

Believe me, that's an understatement.

"And yet I find myself waiting on my answer from God, praying that things don't fall apart around me. I now really know what God means by surrender because I cannot win this battle and have no choice but to give in to Him. All I have left is trust and it's enough."


Didn't know you were going to get a sermon, did you? I wonder if I'll ever get him to do this again. I wonder if I'll even want him to do this again. Will he ruin my blog and drop my readers down to 3? The comments will tell the tale. Please, no veggie tossing - he's fragile right now.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Wild Night At The Old Inn

So here it is, Friday night, and I am blissfully playing away with my new toy. All while a Nerf war is going on. Hubs keeps telling me to try the web cam but I'm not sure if I'm ready for the techie awesomeness just yet. I'm not sure y'all are ready for me live and in color.

Most people need meds for that experience. I try to make sure I have made some form of awesome goodness so people will put up with me. For the most part it works.

I wasn't able to post last night because I goofed off until about 5 am the night before and last night I got to go see a movie. The movie was It's Complicated. Oh gracious was it ever! Best line from it was "I see you've stopped getting a bikini wax - you've gone native." I think I laughed so hard I snorted my popcorn - out of my nose.

My nose still sort of burns.

By the time I got home I was too tired and all I could think was big happy sigh.

Makes for a boring blog post just so you know. Granted it doesn't stop me but it just seems so wrong to have a blog post that says - happy sigh - the end. I could almost picture a few of you screaming that's it???

Oohh! Jared took another nut shot. I'm thinking I will be going to the dollar store for some cheap hot pads. My future grandchildren may be at stake. Hope dude gets better at guarding.

Been a rough day for him. He poked himself in the eye with his pencil this evening. Clearing the table and bam right in the eye. Part of me wanted to smack him as it ranks right up there with the dumbest thing I've seen. Thankfully the gosh I'm a concern Mom rushed in before the evil Mom could hand him his lunch. Some days the evil Mom is faster out of the gate.

I think that's why we keep her locked up with chocolate so the nice part has a chance to get there first.

I can tell his eye is scratched. Every place I called for an eye doc was already closed for the day. When Nicholas did this when he was 4, they told me not much can be done. Give the eye a rest for a couple days and don't rub the eye. I got him an eye patch. I'll look at it in the morning and see if the Wal-Mart eye doctor will get him in.

Oooo Nicholas took a shot right in the lip! Oh! He popped around the corner and tagged his Dad right in the nose. That's gotta hurt! Ah revenge from the J! He just unleashed the thunder on them. Crazy guys.

Just so you know - Hershey has a new Raspberry Hugg. It's white chocolate with a raspberry chocolate center. Wonder how long it will take the guys to notice what I'm eating? Hopefully never as I'm sneaking it to keep the evil Mom at bay.

Eww nose shot on Nicholas! Michael just did a taunt with a butt wiggle and a snarky comment.

I bet you wished you were here, huh?

What's that? No?? I don't blame you. I just had to yell that they were getting the darts too close to the Mom-ster. Sort of like monster - only with power as I have all the chocolate.

I'm thinking this eye patch sort of gives J a hardcore look about him. He just got the drop on Michael and said "Dodge this." I'm thinking that was for the booty shake.

The carnage is looking pretty fierce. Darts everywhere and the bull is getting thick. I wonder if I can get a Motrin shoved into a Hershey's Kiss. Chocolate covered pain killer. It's cheaper than crack.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Whee!

Coming to you live from my living room! I'm not in the cold den - I'm sitting here at 2 am watching a movie- while blogging - on the couch. Sweet!

We were blessed, and I mean BLESSED. Someone gave us a new computer AND a new laptop. Cute little notebook - I'm thinking of getting it's own carrying case. Except my new purse, aka the duffel bag, would be able to handle it just fine. Cute little puppy only this won't poop on my stuff. Bonus.

Hubs was telling me all the places I could go and do with this. Except I don't go any where or do anything. Dude said one never knows what is around the corner.

It even has that new computer smell! Fresh out of the box. Not even been touched by human hands until Hubs touched it to set it up for me. Hoopty is in the process of being no more. Nothing could thrill me more. Hubs wanted to know if I wanted to say a word before he pulled the plug. I couldn't stop giggling.

When we got the news of this, it was a good thing I was sitting down. Could have knocked me over with a feather! The guys were having another Nerf war upstairs. When I told them, it shocked the snot out of all of them. Nicholas sat right down on the floor and kept saying WOW! He looked right at me and said, "God really does provide."

Let me back this up. Just a few weeks ago we were filling out paperwork for the bankruptcy. We were having to put a price tag on what we own. The boys heard this and Michael looked at me with the big eyes he gets and asked if he would have to sell his guitar - that he got - with his own money. Nicholas got this look on his face and wanted to know if he would lose his MP3. Jared said he would sell some of his toys if that would help. Nicholas said he wouldn't eat so much if that would help.

I felt like the worse parent in the world.

We told them no as it's all under 100 bucks. I told Nicholas to never apologize for being hungry and that it would help if he would grow and be happy. He has to get taller than me after all. This got a chuckle and a request for a snack.

I later bawled my head off.

I sometimes struggle showing the boys on this whole thing of walking with God. The ups and downs, the misunderstandings - all on my part. Walking it out and staying real. Knowing I blow it but still trying. I know that crap happens. But this - this cut deep. My kids have never been fussy about having the latest and greatest. They've been pretty content with life. They've lost a lot. The struggle on understanding how to process that, deal with that, and move on at their age - they so impress me more than what they know.

We have scriptures focused on God providing on loop 24/7. We go to sleep hearing it and wake up to it. It has been interesting at how much unbelief it has uncovered. It's been getting better. It has been a battle.

It has been a hard battle. One that at times feels like has cost me much. It has been a struggle to pry my hands off a situation that I can't even control. But letting go and leaning back to find peace. I still don't know what is going to happen but there has been peace.

I was researching for next years school stuff. That is a huge battle in and of itself. Trying to balance everyone's schedule is always fun. It became painfully clear that we were going to need another computer as Hoopty would not be able to hold a picture let alone the school stuff.

We're doing a bible study and it talked about palm down, palm up. Taking the problem to God, pouring it out and then palm up to receive what God has to say. So I was pouring out my heart to God. The whole homeschooling thing isn't an easy decision and it requires all your heart, guts and wits about you. You very rarely have anyone tell you hang in there or it will make a difference or you're not wasting your time.

So to get this - this huge blessing - in the middle of everything? Whoa! I'm moved to tears. My boys said God really hears.

Jared looked at me in wonder and with awe in his voice he said, "your blog is that good?"

You know who you are - thanks. You were able to teach my boys a lesson I wasn't able to. May you be blessed for it. Not to mention this is so cool!! I'm still geeking out about it.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Wonder If This Falls Under Potty Humor?

This was the post that was for yesterday so without further delay...

Jared and I were watching a movie together Sunday night. He stretched out and I caught a whiff of poisoned pit. He must have caught a whiff of it too and he declared himself 'stanky'. This surprised me as his brothers didn't have the stinky pits until a bit older.

He must be an early bloomer.

Whatever it is, the boy stinks.

Luckily we were heading to wally world, so I asked J which deodorant would he like - solid or gel. I grabbed one of each, told him to raise his arms, and tried one on each side. He screamed and said that the gel was too cold. It didn't help that I sort of laughed at him or more like a smig of an evil cackle.

He wasn't amused.

He liked the solid so when we reached the aisle of stink-be-gone, I had him sniff out which scent. 2 of them like Speed Stick and now 2 of them like Old Spice. Hubs made the twins get Speed Stick as it was cheaper. I got this stuff on clearance. And as little as the other 2 use theirs, I'm thinking J may be shaving by the time he needs another one.

I wish I were kidding.

I have heard that boys aren't a fan of soap at the ripe age of 11-14. And I put a lot of emphasis on ripe. The only time the boys remember to brush their teeth on their own is when the moss has turned a dark yellow.

Enter the cruel part.

I have a delicate nose. My nose can pick up on smells. While I'm not bothered by perfumes or flower smells, I am really bothered by b.o. and stank. Especially boy body odor, sweat, and stank.

And I live with 4 guys. 3 out of 4 really don't care what they smell like - ever. I keep telling Hubs he needs to get the boys on with the program. Dude just grins and said give it a year or 2. I'm now skert by what that could mean.

All of them like to get up in my face to talk to me about something but as the stench waifs over my face, my eyes start to water and I have to suppress my gag reflects. I tend to not focus too well on the conversation when this happens. Something, I'm starting to think, they take advantage of.

Did I do something to deserve this?? Wait! Don't answer that. I really don't want to poll that question.

It's probably good I am the only female of the house. Goodness knows I do
strange and unusual things to myself. Julie's comment about lady town still cracks me up. Mother Nature gave me a gift for my b-day. A grey hair - residing at lady town.

Now that's just mean.

I don't know why but I didn't think that was possible for that area to change color. Chalk it up to another brain fart. As I was staring in disbelief and horror, I suddenly remembered that my Dad has grey hair on his chest, as did a couple of my aunts. The yeti gene can be strong. But Mom's eyebrows have turned grey and come to think of it, she said her eyelashes were turning too.

Great.

So I have a gene pool that has mated with Chewbacca, and if the hair doesn't fall out then it turns grey. A lot of my cousins have gone grey right as we hit our 20s. This little gift just felt really mean and spiteful. Totally killed off any happy thoughts for the day. And this did not make me want to whistle while I work, I can tell you.


Sort of besides the point that I can't whistle, but you get my drift.

Then it was one of THOSE days where the emotions would not be reasoned with. Everything the boys said sent my eye twitch into hyperactive over-drive. Hubs got home and asked how my day went.

Me: "We are at Death con 2."
Hubs: "I keep telling you, it's Def Con."
Me: "No, it's death because someone is going to get it. Def Con is what you wish for so you can't hear it coming."
Pauses for a few moments
Me: "Don't even ask me if I took a pill or so help me you'll regret it."
Hubs: "Good to know. Thanks for the heads up. Chocolate?"

Me: "Yes."

Sadly, I was a total rotten stinker. I tried to keep it in check. I was praying for some supernatural mood changer - anything to try and curb it but I failed miserably. Just like the craziness that it is, it hit me that all 3 of my boys now have deodorant. I started to get a bit teary eyed. No, it wasn't from the smells. It was the thought that we're all reaching new milestones. Mine might feel more like a millstone but it's still a stone.

Then I had the whole Sunrise, Sunset song going through my head. At that point, I was about a puddle of goo right there in the stank-be-gone aisle. I sniffed as I pushed my cart into the next aisle where there was hair dye. Immediately the tears dried up and I started to wonder if anyone has ever, um, dyed lady town.


Yeah, this is how my mind works. I don't think there is a pill to help fix it. Trust me, many have tried but all have crashed and burned.

So there I was, train of thought going full tilt. I couldn't even stop myself. I started to snicker at the thought of dying the ladiness a bright red or platinum blond and not telling Hubs only to surprise the ever-living crap right out of him.


I have color resistant hair thanks to that yeti gene and was worried I would need something like shoe polish to cover it.

Not that I was even thinking of trying it.

I swear!!


The shaving wasn't pleasant so the last thing I want is a chemical burn. Talk about THAT trout pout. Good gravy gracious! The poor hoo-ha would probably go postal and would start carrying a weapon just to protect itself. It could always use a tampon if need be.

But all that to get to the actual point. I know! Who knew I could make one??? I actually read an article - I can't even remember where - about there is BIG business in uh, um, lady art, I guess we'll call it. The most popular is what was called the strawberry. It's where the hedges were trimmed into a strawberry shape and it even gets dyed strawberry red with a little green stem - AND actually had little beads put in so it makes it look all authentic like.

And I thought I had issues. Who are these people??


I wonder if this comes with a complimentary body spray - strawberry scented, of course. What got me was what women were paying to have this done to them. We're talking hundreds of dollars.

All I could think was I bet that would hurt if one of those beads got snagged on something. Talk about ruining a good pair of panties. Me, personally, I think I would go for a dollar sign. Maybe even add little wings to the thing to represent the whole ordeal.

Isn't it amazing how fast I can go from being weepy over deodorant to talking about the lady hedges? I'm sure you're scarred enough as it is. But I find it funny and disturbing all at the same time. I may call testosterone stupid juice but estrogen is crazy juice. At least whatever it is I got.


I guess I better be glad I'm stuck with a lot of stupid instead of a lot of crazy.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Techincal Difficulties

Hey there, this is Joanna's brain. It's almost 3:30 am. Why she is up - even she doesn't have the answer to that one. She actually wrote a post but for some reason Blogger isn't letting her post it. She's getting really steamed. She tried it a few different times. No luck. And as wacky as she has been today, it's probably best not to push it.

It may be a good thing because it's just well, classic disturbing Joanna style post. Wonder if she'll post it when reason comes back to say you might want to rethink that one.

Who knows with her.

But I'm thinking probably not.

She has noticed that lately a bunch of anonymous comments that link to other places have been popping up like crazy. Smells a bit like spam.

While going through older posts she found a few here and there tacked on in the comments. To that she says not cool. And as her brain, I would have to agree with her. Go pee in your own pool thankyouverymuch. If I, or my InterPeeps, want to read your article about the perky peeper - we'll google it. Not need to to bother the 5 people that read this blog.

Hopefully we'll get this resolved in a timely matter.

Sorry for any delays that this might cause - but even I am feeling a bit brain dead. Bwahaha! Sort of brain humor there. Oh dear, I'm starting to get slap happy and I'm the calm one - level headed even. *snicker* couldn't help myself.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

*Enter One*

Ok, I can not think of any title. My brain said whatever. Lets not anger it, shall we?

My facebook page exploded with happy b-day wishes. Thanks y'all. That was mighty nice of ya.

The day started off with a phone call from my folks, who sang to me - off key. Waaay off key. My Dad said he thinks he might have hurt himself. I said, I know I felt it.

Dad was able to talk about not much of anything important. Tried to keep it happy, happy and light. Then handed the phone to my Mom which sort of killed of that train of thought. 45 minutes later, I am now up to date on all the latest conspiracy theories. All in all, it really wasn't that bad. I've had much worse. We weren't screaming at each other so I guess this is progress.

Mom did ask what I was planning on doing for the day and I said didn't really have any plans. She said that's surprising as last few years I've been busy with friends and stuff. I said yeah stuff changes, people change, things change. She said she understands that. I think we sort of had a moment.

Got off the phone with them and Hubby checked the mail and sure enough there was the card from them. Nice card - had potential. Then I read the note my Mom slipped in. Good feeling gone. All I can do is shake my head. They want to come up next week so she can get some of her paper work as she has things to file, all her fabric, and the cutting table. The cutting table we've sort of been fighting over. Hubs just - as in I'm on the phone with them while he sets it up just - for me to use for scrapbooking.

At this point she can have the darn thing. I simply don't care any more. We went to a second hand store and found a couple tables that would work to replace it. They couldn't get to any of their clothes. Whoever packed their place up didn't do a great of job and didn't mark any boxes. They ended up going to Salvation Army and got a whole new wardrobe but she wants to sew a few things.

It sounds like it's a good thing they are with my grandparents. My grandpa is in the hospital and they have been driving my grandma all over the place as she's legally blind. I can tell this is going to get old real quick for my Mom. She said rather flatly that 'it's her house'. Thankfully I said nothing and didn't even snicker.

All I can do is laugh. I think I'm pretty much stuck with them whether I like it or not. I'm not sure if they are just clueless or stubborn or a bit of both.

I asked Hubs about it as I'm sure they will be calling to see when they can come up. He said yes if they are coming to take their paper work with them. The boys weren't too thrilled with it but said it's only for a day.

Ah, how the mighty can cave!

So was able to get off the phone unscathed. Putzed around, got cleaned up, ditched the kids and just hung out with my Hubby for the day. Had a nice time. We went and saw Sherlock Holmes. Good movie BUT a lot of occult junk in it that I wasn't happy about. While it was all explained away at the end, I was glad my kids weren't with us.

Dragged Hubs through a few stores and just looked, commented, and goofed off. So it was a nice easy day.

I was teasing Hubs that I didn't think it was fair that he won't make me a birthday cake. He asked if I really wanted a cake. I said that's not the point. I just wanted to know why he wouldn't attempt at making one. He said he would if I wanted to. I have a feeling if I would have said yes, he would have come home with a store bought cake. Then he would have had the nerve to say ta-da!

I said no to the cake but he did get me flowers. And the card he got me made me laugh.

Then today I went and had some girl talk time and had a chai latte. Oh my word! I think I may have to be supervised with that sucker! So yummy good. Luckily for me I was with a cooler head that said just one. Don't laugh Gangsta Ninja, if she hadn't of cut me off I may have licked the cup.

Nice weekend. Gearing up for a busy week. So busy I may need a chai latte or 7 to help me through it.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Just Shoot Me

I am TIRED of the Nerf wars!! This has been going on for days. They took last night off just so they could watch Man vs. Wild. *shudder* Every time I walk in the room that dude is buck naked - doing jumping jacks. Even though it's blurred you can tell something is flopping around.

I may be scarred for life.

I wasn't thrilled that my only break from Nerf invasion was back to back to back episodes of Bear. We took this week off from school so I could get all the grades down and tried to get caught up on all the laundry. Extra week of break? It has been all day, all the time, darts flying everywhere, time outs after eyeball shots, and serious smack talk. My eyes have given up trying to stay focused as I get to hear all the glory of darts avoided.

I will say it again - guys are weird.

Actually I've heard all of them griping about me being the weird one. They said they don't understand why I wouldn't want to join in. They have these darts called the whistlers where you hear it coming at you. One whizzed by my head and I swear the dart screamed, "kiss yo grits good-bye!!"

And they wonder why I don't want to join in? Those bad boys don't just tag you, they mark you. Every major owie has come from those darts. No thank you!!

Hubs made a fatal mistake and asked when I was going to start up school. I know the eye twitch said, "that did it" and went into some sort of Morse code of "hey stupid, you're about to be handed your head."

Rather than say anything I grabbed the nearest Nerf thing and shot him. Made a nice thwack sound right on the forehead. The gleam in his eyes suggested "hey, let's play". The menacing glare from mine said, "play shmay, you're going down!"

That was how we spent our Sunday evening. And I did hear the guys say for being weird and all I'm a lot of fun. Gee thanks. I'm overwhelmed with the warm and fuzzy feelings. Suddenly I want to have a pop quiz or something to get even.

Why yes I'm feeling a bit hormonal - why do you ask?

With all the holiday stuff I felt like I needed a little time to recover before jumping back in. I'm not sure the kids are even retaining any of it. They'll do fine on the lessons but bomb on the tests causing me to throw my hands in the air and pray for the rapture before any of them have to graduate high school.

Yet another proud moment for the home school slacker.

But I did sit down with each of the kids and sort of gave them a pep talk on how I thought things were going and what I would like to see improve. Showed them their grades and what I expected from them. They gave a few suggestions and I agreed with them so they were happy. We shall see what comes of it.

On top of that wonderful fuzzy feeling of failure, the laundry has exploded. Not even armed in my Jedi Snuggie was I able to battle and win this behemoth of stank. A laundry basket collapsed into pieces - while I was carrying it down the stares. That wasn't pleasant. I think I pulled the pj day a little too much as the guys were waiting on clean jams before they would go to bed last night.

I proudly claim my laundry slackerness. Matter of fact, I want a merit badge. Surely I would take regional on that one.

Kerri and I went out to TRY and finish our bible study Tuesday night. We're sort of having problems getting to the topic at hand as there just seems to be a lot going on right now. Did you know denial is NOT the way to cope? Who knew?? Chocolate seems to work just fine until you wake up from the chocolate hang-over - where you vow you'll never touch another piece again so help you Hershey.

Don't look at me all innocent like. You know you've tipped the bag a few times.

All this talk about chocolate is making me a tad bit emotional. Out of the good chocolate and was willing to dig around in the jar of rejected candy. This amount of desperation means I'm over due for Auntie. I gave up trying to keep track. It's been a few months. Either way the emotions were a bit out of whack for a few days.

When the emotions get rough say hello to my little friend - evening primrose oil pills. Last time we were at the store Hubs insisted I get a bottle of it. I said no I still had half a bottle but he kept saying we needed to have some on hand. After a full 5 minutes of this banter my brain went, "heeey! what's he trying to say here?" I even asked that question and the look he gave me said more than enough.

I asked if he can tell when I take it and when I don't. The sentence wasn't even finished and he said yes. Not believing him because hello? why would I? I asked when was the last time I took one. He said a week and a half - closer to 2 weeks.

Holy crap!! Clearly this guy has Jedi Master status. I felt like a paddiwon next to him. And I don't even know how to spell that!

As he was bringing me a pill the other night - sheesh talk about your hints - he asked if I was ok. Dude, you're basically telling me hey psycho take this pill because you're being a pill and you ask me if I'm okay???

Darn Jedi tricks.

Me: "I don't want to talk about it."
Hubs: "You must be ill."
Me: "Why do you say that?"
H: "You not wanting to talk must mean you're either very ill, really honked off, or dead. Since you're still in an upright position that would rule out dead. You actually answered me so that rules out honked off. Soooo"

Me: "What if I'm honked off but too tired to let you know I'm honked off?"
H: "That's how I know - when you stop talking."

Puts hand on forehead
H: "You feel fine."
Me: "Hilarious."
H: "Wondering if your folks are going to call sometime this weekend?"
Me: "Oh great! Now that you mention that, now I'm going to wonder. Something else to think about."
H: "Hate to burst your bubble but you should be prepared for it."
Me: "How are you suppose to prepare for a bubble burst? If you're in the bubble - there's nothing to hang on to so how can you prepared to fall flat on your face?"
H: "Why don't you try 2 of those pills?"

Me: "Why don't you take one? That way we can ask each other if we've taken our pills before we start to speak."
H: "They have a pill to cure you from talking???"
Me: "It's not a pill. It's called marriage."

Hardee har-har

If you need me I'll be by the jar of misfit candy. Emotional meltdown for 1? Your table is now ready.