Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Freak Out

I just looked at the clock and thought, "Oh snap! What am I going to blog about?" While I know it doesn't seem like I give this hardly any thought - and you would be right some of the time - it does require some brain power.

Something that made my brain very happy - LOST will be on Feb. 2 starting at 8 pm on ABC. Set your time, your watches, heck camp out in front of the TV. Goodness knows I've already staked out my spot. It may be the same spot I end up with for the super bowl. It's the spot closest to an outlet so my cute toy can stay plugged in.

So it's been a few weeks with the new love of my life. While Burnie will always be there for me, he's only a seasonal thing that will end when people start mocking me for wearing a ski mask - in June. Hubs has accused me of playing with the laptop more than...wait a second, that doesn't sound right. He's just bitter than I sort of freaked snarled at him for touching it. I rushed to the laptop and promised never to leave it out of my sight again.

Okay, it didn't really go down like that.

But the boys have been teasing me non-stop. First it was Babs, now this. No respect!

Today I ended up on all the computers at one point or another grading different stuff. This was more than what my brain could handle. Each one was different and had a different way of doing things so by the end of the day brain said, "see ya chick" and made a play for the keys.

Except it had no where to go.

And I so saw that one coming.

I have noticed that I now really hate one keyboard. It is the oldest and I feel like my fingers are now on some cruel stair master compared to the sleek design of the others. But I'm still not use to the notebook's keyboard. This has slowed my typing waaay down. Instead of sounding like a machine gun, I now sound like an average typist. Oh the shame and humiliation!! This must be what Hubs feels like every time he touches a keyboard. At least he does when I'm done mocking him.

He had a few things he needed typed and I was thrilled it wasn't a new camping list. I sat down and had it done in less than 5 minutes. I was irritated it took me that long. He, of course, said I'm scum. Not my fault I use all my fingers to type with. And on bad days when some jerk has me in a white jacket, I've used my toes.

I am so kidding! I don't really have toes.

I'm now wondering if they may be a birth defect. Stumpy little things that are just sad to look at. I try not to look at them. I'm usually glad that most of the year they are hidden from sight. But once summer rolls around, I can't rock a nice pair of sandals because then my nubbins are exposed. The horror of it has been pretty damaging. One gal needed shock treatments to get the imagine out of her head.

True story - sort of. Maybe. Well, in a general sense. There was some mental scarring but now that I think about it, I don't think it had anything to do with my toes.

Um, where was I? Toes!

I think they may have toe nails. I'm not sure. I just try to paint something on each toe to make them look like toes. I just hope like heck that people are distracted by the pretty color and don't comment that they sort of look like those cocktail wienies. All wrinkly only without the BBQ sauce. More like a pale white sauce.

I think I just barfed a little in my mouth at the visual.

I think I'll change topics. Besides, I have no idea how I got on this subject to begin with. All I know is it's now why-am-I-up a.m. and I really should have something on my blog. How else am I going to get discovered to become a great writer and have all kinds of cool things open up for me??

Cricket, cricket

Well, I can dream.

Or have massive panic attacks if it were to happen. Because people are freaking me out. I've had over 10 people in the last 2 months tell me I need to write a book. And I'm talking off the wall, in my face, several people and not just my imaginary friends. I find that funny and disturbing on many levels.

Lets pretend I actually have talent. Can one really write a whole book on sarcasm alone? Because that is all I got going for me. Michael calls it the spark of snark.

Let us also not forgot that I can't stay on topic or make a point.

And I have written a book before but it ended in disaster. Several years ago I had just about finished it when we started having computer issues - big shock - and I put the whole file on a disk. Only to have said disk see it for a handful of times and then declared it was now blind and could no longer see anything. It went on to self-destruct and about blew up the computer.

Now I'm handed this bad boy and a few people telling me to go forth and write.

As I sat there blinking back the hysterical laughter, I managed to asked what would I write about??

Someone said I should do a tell all on the many adventures of Cruella and Howard the coward. The problem with that is I don't think I could get their consent to give me legal permission to use their names. And I have a feeling my parents would sue me if I tried it anyway as some sort of copyright infringement as they've had their names registered.

Wow. That sounds like a page turner - for a textbook example of coo-coo.

Maybe I could write something encouraging for a homeschooling mom except I would have to title it The True Confessions of a Home School Slacker. Dude, that's true on both levels. I was and now am - way to make myself depressed. There goes that audience.

So back to square zero.


Kerri said...

You're hilarious! Just start puking words and worry about topics later! Let the mo-jo flow!
Oh, and in my writing, I don't name the doctors that were idiots because they'd probably sue me for slander and win, because they have more money than me, BUT...I do put a disclaimer in there that I'm only not using their names for that reason, not to "protect their incompentence!"

rthling said...

I'm with Kerri.
You have so much to say. Just don't put their names. You could name them anything you like. Wouldn't that be fun? heehee!

Julie said...

You must have your family laughing All. The. Time. !! *lol*

Anna K. said...

What keeps me coming back is your perspective on life. Go with that, Joanna! You could do an e-book or start sending in submissions to publications (web-based and paper). What about your local paper?

Go for it, Sweets. Just start typing and worry about editing later. Maybe this will be therapy gone book...?

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