Friday, January 8, 2010

Just Shoot Me

I am TIRED of the Nerf wars!! This has been going on for days. They took last night off just so they could watch Man vs. Wild. *shudder* Every time I walk in the room that dude is buck naked - doing jumping jacks. Even though it's blurred you can tell something is flopping around.

I may be scarred for life.

I wasn't thrilled that my only break from Nerf invasion was back to back to back episodes of Bear. We took this week off from school so I could get all the grades down and tried to get caught up on all the laundry. Extra week of break? It has been all day, all the time, darts flying everywhere, time outs after eyeball shots, and serious smack talk. My eyes have given up trying to stay focused as I get to hear all the glory of darts avoided.

I will say it again - guys are weird.

Actually I've heard all of them griping about me being the weird one. They said they don't understand why I wouldn't want to join in. They have these darts called the whistlers where you hear it coming at you. One whizzed by my head and I swear the dart screamed, "kiss yo grits good-bye!!"

And they wonder why I don't want to join in? Those bad boys don't just tag you, they mark you. Every major owie has come from those darts. No thank you!!

Hubs made a fatal mistake and asked when I was going to start up school. I know the eye twitch said, "that did it" and went into some sort of Morse code of "hey stupid, you're about to be handed your head."

Rather than say anything I grabbed the nearest Nerf thing and shot him. Made a nice thwack sound right on the forehead. The gleam in his eyes suggested "hey, let's play". The menacing glare from mine said, "play shmay, you're going down!"

That was how we spent our Sunday evening. And I did hear the guys say for being weird and all I'm a lot of fun. Gee thanks. I'm overwhelmed with the warm and fuzzy feelings. Suddenly I want to have a pop quiz or something to get even.

Why yes I'm feeling a bit hormonal - why do you ask?

With all the holiday stuff I felt like I needed a little time to recover before jumping back in. I'm not sure the kids are even retaining any of it. They'll do fine on the lessons but bomb on the tests causing me to throw my hands in the air and pray for the rapture before any of them have to graduate high school.

Yet another proud moment for the home school slacker.

But I did sit down with each of the kids and sort of gave them a pep talk on how I thought things were going and what I would like to see improve. Showed them their grades and what I expected from them. They gave a few suggestions and I agreed with them so they were happy. We shall see what comes of it.

On top of that wonderful fuzzy feeling of failure, the laundry has exploded. Not even armed in my Jedi Snuggie was I able to battle and win this behemoth of stank. A laundry basket collapsed into pieces - while I was carrying it down the stares. That wasn't pleasant. I think I pulled the pj day a little too much as the guys were waiting on clean jams before they would go to bed last night.

I proudly claim my laundry slackerness. Matter of fact, I want a merit badge. Surely I would take regional on that one.

Kerri and I went out to TRY and finish our bible study Tuesday night. We're sort of having problems getting to the topic at hand as there just seems to be a lot going on right now. Did you know denial is NOT the way to cope? Who knew?? Chocolate seems to work just fine until you wake up from the chocolate hang-over - where you vow you'll never touch another piece again so help you Hershey.

Don't look at me all innocent like. You know you've tipped the bag a few times.

All this talk about chocolate is making me a tad bit emotional. Out of the good chocolate and was willing to dig around in the jar of rejected candy. This amount of desperation means I'm over due for Auntie. I gave up trying to keep track. It's been a few months. Either way the emotions were a bit out of whack for a few days.

When the emotions get rough say hello to my little friend - evening primrose oil pills. Last time we were at the store Hubs insisted I get a bottle of it. I said no I still had half a bottle but he kept saying we needed to have some on hand. After a full 5 minutes of this banter my brain went, "heeey! what's he trying to say here?" I even asked that question and the look he gave me said more than enough.

I asked if he can tell when I take it and when I don't. The sentence wasn't even finished and he said yes. Not believing him because hello? why would I? I asked when was the last time I took one. He said a week and a half - closer to 2 weeks.

Holy crap!! Clearly this guy has Jedi Master status. I felt like a paddiwon next to him. And I don't even know how to spell that!

As he was bringing me a pill the other night - sheesh talk about your hints - he asked if I was ok. Dude, you're basically telling me hey psycho take this pill because you're being a pill and you ask me if I'm okay???

Darn Jedi tricks.

Me: "I don't want to talk about it."
Hubs: "You must be ill."
Me: "Why do you say that?"
H: "You not wanting to talk must mean you're either very ill, really honked off, or dead. Since you're still in an upright position that would rule out dead. You actually answered me so that rules out honked off. Soooo"

Me: "What if I'm honked off but too tired to let you know I'm honked off?"
H: "That's how I know - when you stop talking."

Puts hand on forehead
H: "You feel fine."
Me: "Hilarious."
H: "Wondering if your folks are going to call sometime this weekend?"
Me: "Oh great! Now that you mention that, now I'm going to wonder. Something else to think about."
H: "Hate to burst your bubble but you should be prepared for it."
Me: "How are you suppose to prepare for a bubble burst? If you're in the bubble - there's nothing to hang on to so how can you prepared to fall flat on your face?"
H: "Why don't you try 2 of those pills?"

Me: "Why don't you take one? That way we can ask each other if we've taken our pills before we start to speak."
H: "They have a pill to cure you from talking???"
Me: "It's not a pill. It's called marriage."

Hardee har-har

If you need me I'll be by the jar of misfit candy. Emotional meltdown for 1? Your table is now ready.

9 comments:

Kerri said...

Hey, table for 1, right here. Emotional meltdown ensuing.

rthling said...

Okay, I'm glad Hailey isn't the one doing fine on lessons, then bombing tests. I'm not glad your kids are bombing tests, though.
(can't talk my way out of that one, can I?)
You do SOS, too, right?
Hailey failed a test right before Christmas, which I reassigned to her. My rule is that if she fails a test, I reassign the whole chapter, regardless of individual lesson grades. So she was pretty hacked that I erased a few 100s. Sucks to be her, is all I say.
I think she is just opening new lessons, and going straight to the problems, just looking for what she needs to know for each question. Then she doesn't retain any information. I am really getting frustrated. Meltdown frustrated. Yesterday I lost it completely. Like, "should I still be doing this" lost it.
Pray for us.

Julie said...

When we tried SOS my kids were BOMBING on the tests too... That was one of the main reasons we went back to using Bob Jones. It may be more expensive, but the kids do better on it...

Joanna said...

I hear ya D. I'm wondering if Julie is right. I picked up other books this year but only have SOS on 2 subjects and those are the 2 subject they are struggling in. But I have been really bad about grading. I mean really bad so I have no idea how well they are doing with the books but they seem to like it better. I don't know what the answer is - SOS sort of keeps us on track BUT....

Praying for you! Rest in knowing you're not alone. I heard someone say homeschooling is really in the trenches of spiritual warfare as we're taking on the whole enchilada. I spent a few years asking God to let me off the hook - I quit! The answer I got was now I'm a few years behind so I should stop complaining and get at it. Sigh

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