Thursday, January 14, 2010


Coming to you live from my living room! I'm not in the cold den - I'm sitting here at 2 am watching a movie- while blogging - on the couch. Sweet!

We were blessed, and I mean BLESSED. Someone gave us a new computer AND a new laptop. Cute little notebook - I'm thinking of getting it's own carrying case. Except my new purse, aka the duffel bag, would be able to handle it just fine. Cute little puppy only this won't poop on my stuff. Bonus.

Hubs was telling me all the places I could go and do with this. Except I don't go any where or do anything. Dude said one never knows what is around the corner.

It even has that new computer smell! Fresh out of the box. Not even been touched by human hands until Hubs touched it to set it up for me. Hoopty is in the process of being no more. Nothing could thrill me more. Hubs wanted to know if I wanted to say a word before he pulled the plug. I couldn't stop giggling.

When we got the news of this, it was a good thing I was sitting down. Could have knocked me over with a feather! The guys were having another Nerf war upstairs. When I told them, it shocked the snot out of all of them. Nicholas sat right down on the floor and kept saying WOW! He looked right at me and said, "God really does provide."

Let me back this up. Just a few weeks ago we were filling out paperwork for the bankruptcy. We were having to put a price tag on what we own. The boys heard this and Michael looked at me with the big eyes he gets and asked if he would have to sell his guitar - that he got - with his own money. Nicholas got this look on his face and wanted to know if he would lose his MP3. Jared said he would sell some of his toys if that would help. Nicholas said he wouldn't eat so much if that would help.

I felt like the worse parent in the world.

We told them no as it's all under 100 bucks. I told Nicholas to never apologize for being hungry and that it would help if he would grow and be happy. He has to get taller than me after all. This got a chuckle and a request for a snack.

I later bawled my head off.

I sometimes struggle showing the boys on this whole thing of walking with God. The ups and downs, the misunderstandings - all on my part. Walking it out and staying real. Knowing I blow it but still trying. I know that crap happens. But this - this cut deep. My kids have never been fussy about having the latest and greatest. They've been pretty content with life. They've lost a lot. The struggle on understanding how to process that, deal with that, and move on at their age - they so impress me more than what they know.

We have scriptures focused on God providing on loop 24/7. We go to sleep hearing it and wake up to it. It has been interesting at how much unbelief it has uncovered. It's been getting better. It has been a battle.

It has been a hard battle. One that at times feels like has cost me much. It has been a struggle to pry my hands off a situation that I can't even control. But letting go and leaning back to find peace. I still don't know what is going to happen but there has been peace.

I was researching for next years school stuff. That is a huge battle in and of itself. Trying to balance everyone's schedule is always fun. It became painfully clear that we were going to need another computer as Hoopty would not be able to hold a picture let alone the school stuff.

We're doing a bible study and it talked about palm down, palm up. Taking the problem to God, pouring it out and then palm up to receive what God has to say. So I was pouring out my heart to God. The whole homeschooling thing isn't an easy decision and it requires all your heart, guts and wits about you. You very rarely have anyone tell you hang in there or it will make a difference or you're not wasting your time.

So to get this - this huge blessing - in the middle of everything? Whoa! I'm moved to tears. My boys said God really hears.

Jared looked at me in wonder and with awe in his voice he said, "your blog is that good?"

You know who you are - thanks. You were able to teach my boys a lesson I wasn't able to. May you be blessed for it. Not to mention this is so cool!! I'm still geeking out about it.


grandmamargie said...

I'm happy for you. God is good, all the time.

Kerri said...

Okay now that I'm bawling! That is wonderful! You deserve it! that is awesome! God WILL take care of you...I love you!!! Whoever did this gets a BIG HUG from me too!!

Sarah said...

I have been absent, and am out of the loop...

But I'm glad you received a huge blessing!

Julie said...

THAT is so AMAZING! ... And YES, the Lord does provide!!!!

God bless you and your family. :)

Young Wife said...

I am so thrilled you got a new laptop! Yippee! Thank you also for sharing your struggle. I was really encouraged by this.