Sunday, February 28, 2010

Kiss Me, I Might Be Irish

So after 3 days of searching for a blog background and having issues upon issues, I had to scrap a few that just weren't fitting - at least not what I could tell. Then after hunting for a header to match and goofing around with Paint, which I really hate, I give you this month's look.

I now need a lot of pain meds. And chocolate. Definitely some chocolate.

The rolling in of March means McD's has Shamrock Shakes and all things minty will be what's in. Which is good thing for my minty smelling jeans.

It also means this month we find out what will happen to the household of bug. Personally, my fingers are in my teeth. We got something in the mail that the mortgage company does not want us to keep our house and it looks like the court granted whatever is was they were asking for. Just like that. Granted, I can't tell what the heck it means through all the legal speak but it doesn't look good.

Has not been fun discussing a lot of what now. I know that God is going to take care of us. BUT I don't know if what I have in mind and what He has in mind are the same thing. It's really starting to come down to hour by hour on where the emotions are at.

Something tells me this will be record sales for the chocolate industry.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Double The Trouble

If I had a nickle for every time I heard someone say they wished they had twins or had some twin story to share with me I would be stinking rich!!

I never really have understood the whole fascination with multiples. Don't know if it's because I knew a set a twins or what. Those girls were a lot older than me but I did see some of the grief twins can go through.

I read Twin magazine and it talked about how a lot of moms of multiples always complained how you can't go anywhere without someone stopping you and talking your legs off. And just when you made a break from that person, someone nails you.

I can say this is very true.

There was a joke that most moms of multiples try very hard NOT to make eye contact with people for that very reason. You try your hardest to pretend that you are totally deaf and had no idea about the conversation people are having about your kids that are standing like 3 ft away from you. You know as soon as your eyes click that it's coming. I remember the boys were a little over a year and we actually had someone ask me to make them do a twin thing.

Good gravy!

It did settle down once they reached a certain age but thanks to teenage angst it seems to be a topic lately. The boys' latest gripe is the name the twin game. They said every time they go to youth group a couple people make them stand next to each other until they can figure out who is who.

I guess this is considered rude and offensive.

When I asked for more info they went off. They said they really don't like just standing there for 5 minutes while people look at them like they're freaks. Then if the person gets it right the winner acts like they just solved a major crime and are so pleased with themselves.

I asked them if it is insulting for them to be called the wrong name. They said no. They said a lot of people can't even get my name right so they really don't hold that against anyone. But they do not like it when someone makes them stand next to each other and then talk about their differences right in front of them as if they can't hear. On time someone said to Nicholas that he's taller and he whipped back, 'nice observation captain obvious'. Hey it was an off day for him and you do realize what gene pool he crawled out of?

For the most part they won't say anything but every now and then - look out.

I was doing my hair one time and was talking with the guys. I turned around and gosh sometimes they really do look a lot alike. If they are far away from me, I can't always tell but I've associated certain clothes to them. I see a streak of color out of the corner of my eye and I know who it is.

But I have noticed that some days they feel like people look at them like they are an exhibit.

Case in point, the Dept. of Health keeps sending me letters asking me to do an on-line study about them. As if they didn't feel like a science experiment as it was - lets make it official. I blew it off as I didn't think the $15 gift card was worth a half hour of my time.

Today I got a certified letter asking me again. They keep claiming this is the last letter I'll receive but they keep making statements that they haven't given out my name - yet. Sort of creepy. I can't say as I totally buy their claim that twins are a valuable way to collect data and it will help the general public.

Unless they want to be told to take a hike in stereo, I don't see how that is going to help anyone.

On top of that, they want medical info. They have none. Combo of not having money and them not getting sick. This leaves squat for them to gather. So sorry general public but we're going to pass. Really hope they don't send someone to try and make me an offer I can't refuse. Couple of years ago I would have given them away for a pack of gum, but we're over a lot of that junk so I'm keeping them.

I did feel bad because J asked if they wanted info about him. I have to say as much as the older two complain, they have no idea how he feels being the one left out of everything. He has a personality that is totally different than them and they don't get him.

Who knew me having kids would turn into a weird science project?

Wonder what that means that I've had nightmares of having triplet girls? Hubs said I've woke up muttering no, no, no!! When I told him, he said the same thing.

Ooo I had a thought. Scary, I know. What if this is some sort of secret test for our entry exam for the witness protection program? Could I be messing up our chances of blowing this popsicle stand? Yeah, probably not.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

It Was A Day

Well it was just a busy crazy day. Felt like I was the energizer bunny from the time my fuzzy self crawled out of bed.

Laundry was battled. Let the record show that I do have a reason for washing the boys' clothes separate from mine. Case in point, came down to the last of the guys' jeans but it didn't fill the load so I tossed in a couple of mine. It just so happens that someone left a piece of gum in their pocket. None of it stuck or ruined anything but gosh those jeans smelled minty fresh. Which really was kind of eww.

So my rear end was all minty like and I went on battling the laundry and the rest of the day. I sort of got the kitchen mostly clean, made a few phone calls and played phone tag with a few places we really needed to deal with.

But the big oh-yay of the day is that Hubs truck is now paid off!!! Very happy about that. One less thing to worry about. It still hasn't hit me yet as last couple of days I kept thinking we needed to deal with it. But big happy sigh so that's good.

It was time for the loading of the carts and ended up having to go hit 2 grocery stores. Glad Meijer is near Wal-Mart. Hubby and I ran in there to grab a few things we couldn't find at wally world. Thankfully wally must have heard about the crazies and there was zero hassle to deal with.

Except - you knew there would be one - they had carts full of stuff they were yanking off the shelves. Which I wonder if that was some of the reason why we weren't finding some of the stuff. I was a bit tempted to do a mini dumpster dive but didn't know if that stuff was priced or not. I did noticed that everything sitting in those carts was all name brand stuff. Grr

All the extra carts made it rather challenging to negotiate around. One of my kids may, or may not, have sort of bumped into one. Or 3. Or a few more.

But we had a good time. And we stayed away from the taco bomb so let me stress again it was a good time had by all.

Wally world has no idea how lucky they were. What a difference a day makes.

But they did make me smile. All the Easter stuff is out. That means Spring had better be around the corner. We had hurried up into the store as big fluffy snow flakes were coming down pretty hard. Shook off the snow and saw all the chocolaty goodness just waving hello at me wrapped in spring colors.

Why hello, lover.

And that is what I was thinking when I saw a Hershey's Kiss filled with buttercream. Had to get it. They are pretty good. I'm still mourning not finding any more of those raspberry filled Huggs. Hubby and I got to laughing as we saw a Reester bunny. Big Reese cup in the shape of a bunny. For some reason we found that funny.

We got home, brought all the stuff in and put away. Boys went running for the computers to check their stuff.

I am still rubbing it in their faces for all the grief they gave me about all the time I spend on the computer. They just grinned at me. It has made their year. I've had a couple tackle hugs over it. Luckily they haven't taken me down - yet.

But it was a day filled with lots of accomplishments so it was a good day tater. I am ready to stumble off to bed.

If ya'll could do me a favor, keep Dianne in prayer. She's having surgery Thursday morning. Hang in there lady!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Moaning With Some Groaning

We're sorry, but the blog you have reached is not in a fully working order. While you are use to this oddball behavior the operator who comes up with this crap isn't feeling too well.

You will be happy to know that Hubby did get out of the dog house by getting pizza for dinner. So he's allowed to live to fight another day.

And just to give a shout out to LOST - love it that Hurley got a bit of a backbone and told the samurai dude off. Priceless.

So as not to leave you with nothing...


THE INDIAN WITH ONE TESTICLE
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.
Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

WHY?


Everyone knows...

You can't kill Two Birds with OneStone!!!

Why do I hear all this groaning and booing?? I laughed.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

El Cranky Pants

Is it wrong that right now I want to run away from home? But then when I think about all the stuff going on, I change my mind and have joked about chaining myself to the house screaming you can't make me leave.

I think today ended up being just a 'hand over the chocolate and no one will get hurt' kind of a day. There wasn't one thing that set the eye twitch to overdrive. It just sort of arrived by late evening with no warning.

I didn't lose it when J couldn't do his schoolwork on his computer as it went all crazy on me. I didn't lose it when the guys were talking to me constantly to the point that I had the wooden mallet in hand and about ready to knock myself out. And amazingly enough I didn't lose it when Hubs walked through the door already knowing he was on thin ice.

Rather than proceed with caution he decided to tromp along the surface. Oblivious to the crackling noise of impending doom, he continued on digging his hole even deeper. It wasn't until his foot broke through the ice and felt the cold sting of the murky waters below that he realized his mistake. He immediately tried to backpedal by asking how the boys did with their school work. The guys did really good and having something new to mess with flew through it all. Hearing the woes of the computer, he leaped to fix it in record time.

But sadly none of this would be able to save Hubby's bacon.

Dude is in the dog house. I love him dearly but today - I should have taken about 5 evening primrose oil pills. Instead he took 5 stupid pills. You know it really stinks when you are at that stage where you are trying to barter with God and you just know that this could be held against you and mess it all up.

Like I'm the only person that has tried that.

So there dude is totally in the dog house and right when he went to try and find out how long his sentence was - his dad called. I tossed him the phone and said your turn. And with that I went back to talking to our spawn online.

I'm sort of noticing a pattern. It seems like when the loading of the carts is upon us, el snarkiness goes into overdrive. And the scary part is I'm thinking it's time to run to the border.

Oh yes, it is that bad.

And because I need a laugh....

THE BAPTIST WHITE LIE CAKE

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially all of the ladies who bake for church events:

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa, but forgot to do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack up for Scout camp.

When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed, "Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake!"


This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. She found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing.

Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect.

And, before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone & called her mom. Alice was horrified-she was beside herself! Everyone would know!

What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time.

She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south and to Alice 's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert! Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!

She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "what a beautiful cake!"

Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself.."

Alice smiled and thought to herself, "God is good.”

Monday, February 22, 2010

I Have Created Monsters

I'm not even sure how this came about. It sounded like a good idea - at the time. Now, I'm not so sure.

Hubby, the spawns, and I were all discussing some things. Long story really short, I let them have a facebook account. They were so geeked out over it, you would have thought I gave them the keys to the van and wished them the best of luck.

After it was all said and done, it hit me like a ton of bricks. What have I just done? And what is this going to expose them too? By the time I hit 100 on breathing through a paper bag, I was no longer that worried about it. Right now I'm hoping it will improve their typing skills.

So far, so good.

They sent out a couple friend invites and were all excited about it. We did have to tell Nicholas to reign it in a bit and for Michael to actually say something. Nicholas thanked everyone for accepting his invite to which I read that as a desperate cry for attention and sounded a tad needy. Gosh, who does that remind me of? Verses Micheal has yet to write anything and he's now in a mental lock down as he doesn't know what to say which I read that as oh Lord, he has too much of his dad in him.

My facebook peeps have informed me that there is no cure for that. Dagnabbit it.

We spent Saturday night talking- to each other - online. It was quiet except for the tappity-tap of keyboards and laughter from comments. Hubs declared us all to be losers to which I said, "And that's why I'm the fun parent."

Sunday afternoon it was so quiet. Everyone was talking to each other - online. Who knew facebook could bring peace and quiet? At least it did until they tried playing a few games. They tried Cafe World and the whole computer locked up on each of them.

I think they all feel a bit burnt by that game.

At one point I was talking to 5 people at once. 3 being my own kids.

It did dawn on me that I can't whine about them on facebook anymore. Ah well, there's always Twitter and my blog. Sheesh! As if I didn't have enough of my own junk to follow that now I have to keep tabs on all of their stuff too?

Why yes, I am a nosy parent. Why do you ask?

I did get a kick out of them. Some of their conversations were hilarious. Don't know where they get that from.

blink, blink

notice crickets pointing and laughing

threaten crickets to sell them to a candy store as I hear chocolate covered crickets are in demand

watch crickets stop laughing and turn a bit green-er and go back to chirping

I think the crickets are a bit skert now. They should be as we're getting dumped on with *shudder* snow! Glad I got out when we could. Time to go back to hibernating. At least facebook will keep us company.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Blue Skies

I don't know how the weather was where you are at but today the sun was shining. It was wonderful! The guys have been stir crazy for a while so after lunch I told them to grab their coats and lets hit it.

I was almost mowed down on the mad dash to get out of the house.

One of our stops was Sam's club. When my kids were really little, the one we shopped at loved them. Everyone from the person who greeted to the person who checked us out and everyone in between. Sort of felt like Cheers. We walked through the doors and people would say, "there's my boys!" Their cuteness, and their wonderful behavior, earned them so many extra snacks it was almost shameful.

We'll also leave out how I once ran over one of my kids with a fully loaded cart cuz we were horsing around. I still don't know how it happened. Tough little kid. Who reminded me of it to try and score an extra snack.

Way to pour salt in that guilt wound.

The snacks brought up the free samples and their love for it. I had to inform the guys that they no longer do that. The gasp of shock was rather loud. Granted they were use to not scoring some serious loot now that they are older and this is a different store, but they still like to sample.

They asked me what happened and I said I heard they were cutting back. I've wondered about some of those people since we've moved. Hearing all those jobs are no more really makes me wonder about them.

We walked all around the store and there was hardly anyone even working there. And sadly there were zero samples. But I have noticed there isn't anything really new there so I guess I see their point. I also read that Wal-Mart is cutting a lot of brand names. That one I'm not happy about. While I usually grab the store brand there are some things I want name brand sooo now I'm wondering if I'll be stuck running to 5 different stores just to get all the crap I like to use.

But enough about that. "Did you see the sky today? Talk about blue." "Yes, Kronk. Riveting." - Emperor's New Groove

Did I mention it was nice to see blue skies? After seeing nothing but grey, and every shade of it, I was starting to wonder if we still had a sky or if this was the new store brand. I hear it's supposed to be nice again for Friday. I'm trying to come up with some errand to do so we can see some more sunshine. Just saw the weather report and it looks like Sunday will start off a week of grey sky and more *shudder* snow.

Cousin of mine said he couldn't believe Easter was around the corner. It is??? But, but, but it just turned February for crying out loud!! He told me to look at the calendar. 1 more month to find out our fate. I think I will follow the groundhog and just go hide in a hole.

And because I can change topics on a whim, I watched the men's figure skating. The guy who took silver - big whiner baby. Dude should look up what it means to be a gracious. Or at least what it means when you skate clean verses wobbly. Just saying.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Feel The Burn

I know I do. I've been popping Tums like they're tic-tacs. The guys are swearing I've gone all crazy hormonal and tried to off them. As if. I had to inform them that death by dinner is not the sign of the crazy.

Paranoid little things, aren't they?

I should try to set the story. It was a dark and stormy night...

No wait, not that type of story. Try again.

I was having some serious casserole blues a few weeks ago so I went to re-looking at the cookbooks. The blues were more from I don't wanna cook! I'm talking I started to sneer when asked what was for dinner and since the peeps ask for food like all the time, it wasn't pretty.

I tried to go on strike and refused to cook. We ended up eating late that night. No sympathy.

I told Hubby that when the kids are out of the house I will be packing up my pots and pans and shall declare myself delivered from the chains of the kitchen. I think he may have made some secret deal with the boys. I bet he will hold me to it through graduate school.

Hey, I can dream that one of my kids could go that far. It's not like I stay focused on reality all that much anyway, so don't bust my bubble.

Anyway, I've come across recipes I've, for whatever reason, turned down and tried to give it another go. Wednesday's dinner proved that was a mistake.

Hubby dear can handle the spice. I are a wimp and have suffered from his teasing when I've been known to soak my tongue in milk. I wish I were kidding. He said I was exaggerating as there were no flames shooting out of my mouth. Whatever.

I still blame him as I tried his chili. There I was holding a cup of milk with my tongue just having a soak. In my defense, a friend of his from work tried some and named it Flaming Hoop from what it did to his boo-tay. My tongue has yet to recover.

The older 2 have tried the chili and liked it. J looked at me and said don't even think about it. Although for the Superbowl, I did take some Rotel and Velveeta and made some queso which had a nice kick and it was little mister Jared who licked the bowl clean.

So I took a gamble on a chicken enchilada soup. Jared had snuck a taste and went running for the water only to demand milk. I thought this was just another J response until I tried it. Good gravy! Lets just say, someone ended up in the bathroom later that night and did ask for a snow-cone to sooth the burn.

I'm still pissed they all laughed at me.

Yet I'm the one accused of doing them in??

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

A Laugh A Day Keeps The Doctor Away, So Does A Baseball Bat

I don't think I'm even going to try and come with anything for LOST. Yet another episode where I'm scratching my head thinking what? They promise to answer it all but we just have to hang in there.

I'm going to need more refreshments.

I'm watching the Olympics and eating cheeseburger flavored Doritos. I think this officially kills off the last of any pesky New Year's resolution. Sort of wrong to be sitting on my butt horfing down chips watching someone else work their butt off.

I will say, I'm a bit freaked out about how do they get cheese dust to taste like a burger? Had some onion blossom chips and it taste just like it with dip included. Freaky.

Now that is high quality MSG.

Seems like food is the only thing I have on my mind right this second. I really hate it that late at night is when all the great food commercials start to play. And they wonder why there is a weight issue in our country - blame the commercials.

But trying to contemplate the how'd-they-do-that of flavor dusting of chip makes for a very boring blog post, so I'm just going to post some jokes. Cuz left on my own, I may break out in song for these chips.

TRAFFIC CAMERA (thanks Margie)

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera.
He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding.
Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed.
He tried a fourth time with the same result.
He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

You just can't fix stupid.


AN IRISH BLOND IN A CASINO (thanks Margie)

An attractive blond from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks,
not all blonds are dumb,
but all men..are men.


A WELL-PLANNED RETIREMENT:

Outside the Bristol Zoo, in England, there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 coaches, or buses.

It was manned by a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine charging cars (about $1.40) and coaches (about $7).

This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years. A nice man working in his little hut by himself. Never missing a day of work. Then, one day, he just didn't turn up for work.

"Oh well", said Bristol Zoo Management - "we'd better phone up the City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant."

"Err ... no", said the Council, "that parking lot is your responsibility."

"Err ... no", said Bristol Zoo Management, "the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn't he?"

"NO!" insisted the Council," we have no one on our payroll."

Probably sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, is a bloke who had been taking the parking lot fees, estimated at (about $560) per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million! Quite a nest egg!

And no one even knows his name!!


CUTE QUOTES

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'Not good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
- Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal


With that, I hope you got a chuckle. If you'll excuse me the Doritos are calling me.

Monday, February 15, 2010

What's Your Poison?

I think I may still be in shock over the weekend. But my Hubby did surprise me a bit even with having to put up with his in-laws for Valentine's Day. I figured chocolate would be forthcoming as he values his life. But something I crave even more is books. I swear it is my crack. I'm not allowed to go to a bookstore unsupervised.

Hubby is just as bad as I am. We figure if we stick together, one of us should have the common sense to say gosh, we need food and lights more than the 50 different books we want to get.

So far, so good.

So while I was on the phone with my grandma-ma, he was at a christian bookstore. When he got home I saw the bag and screamed, "Crack!" He thought that was really funny for some odd reason.

He got me Beth Moore's newest book as well as Facing The Giants movie which was on sale. Squeal! I think getting a book or movie on sale is as close to nirvana anyone can really get. AND he picked up The Time Traveler's Wife. We saw the movie on our anniversary. It's a good movie. Ran out and bought the book but found the movie was better than the book. How often do you hear that?? It cut out all the extra junk. Believe me, it needed to be cut out too.

And I was going somewhere with all of this but yet again the train has left the station - and I'm not on board. Really hate it when I do that. One minute I'm full steam ahead and the next I wonder who tossed my butt off the track. It's got to be someone else, right? I wouldn't be all crazy like and jump....would I?

Ah, here comes the train.

It has suddenly dawned on me that I really don't seem to have the time to read like I would like to. I could stop blogging and get a few books in but I'm sort of skert people would show up on my doorstep making all kinds of weird demands. But I have noticed that this does cause the eye twitching thing to amp up a bit.

So the blog must go on.

The only other thing to do is to stop cooking and cleaning but for some reason the guys don't want this to happen around here.

Pity.

Oh man! The train left again. Maybe I should call it a night and go to bed. I seem to be a bit scattered brained anyway. At least more so than normal.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I Just Saw A Miracle

Right now I'm a bit tired and ready for bed. Blown away by how awesome God is. We had a wonderful visit with MY parents. I KNOW!!

I had called Friday but had missed them and talked with my grandma. She vented for 2 hours. I told her to have my folks call me back. I guess she didn't tell them until an hour after they got back and when my Mom called she was a bit pissy. I was so worried that was how the whole weekend was going to be.

As we waited for them to arrive all I could think was what have I done? But at the same time I just had peace I couldn't explain.

I have no idea what happened. I don't know how God got it all worked out but He did. Not a tense mood the entire time, not a mean word spoken - even once - on either side. Both of them were relaxed and not trying to prove their point. And she didn't sound like she was a loony. There were some stuff she has dropped but others she hasn't. A lot of topics were brought up and it didn't spark one fight. It really feels like I got my parents back. As in someone rewound the clock to several years back.

Dad took us out to eat for lunch. At one point both of them went to use the bathroom and I asked the boys real quick what they thought. All 3 boys gave a thumbs up. Nicholas said "I have my grandparents back." He did say he's a bit hesitant as he doesn't want it to bite him in the butt. He said we shall see.

The boys skipped going to youth group and played some Wii bowling with Dad while I helped Mom roll up yarn for a baby blanket she is knitting. We played some games with all of us - just like old times. Michael asked if they would stay another day. Mom said, "don't worry honey - God will restore it all."

When it was time for them to go, I noticed none of the boys were in any hurry to let go from the hugs. About cried on the spot! When they first arrived I gave my Dad a hug and he about squeezed the air out of me. I heard my Mom say "aww, he's been waiting for that".

Mom was able to get their social security reinstated. The full amount. They were able to get an apartment. Much nicer than the one they had before. They're able to live off of the ss which is good as they haven't been able to find work.

And we got to talking and mom made the comment about grandma doesn't always gets things right. I asked what did she mean. She said that her ring didn't get stolen - it's all packed up in their storage unit. She said she can't wait to get the apartment because they have very little clothes as all their stuff is packed up and they couldn't get to it - including the ring.

Well for heaven's sakes.

Very interesting. And a bit mind blowing. Like I said - I'm a bit fried. But very glad I did what God put on my heart to do because I just witnessed a miracle. A big miracle. A big freakin huge miracle. Not one tense word for a couple days? Not one dagger? Not a single snarky sarcastic cat fight? And the kids asked if they would stay another day?? Huge!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Shocking, Isn't It?

Jared must be really bored. Dude blew off some serious dust to play an old computer game of Blue's Clues for the last 3 days. 3 days. Trouble with that is all that junk has been filed and stored away in my brain. No matter how many times I have beaten myself with the wooden mallet - it just won't go away. Hearing it all over again has unleashed it all. Not only have I been singing Blue's Clues songs but I have been quoting VeggieTales and singing those songs as well.

Dianne and I may bust out in song of "I Can Be Your Friend". La-la-la!

And I am driving my teenagers nuts in the process. Muwhaha! I say it is revenge for the stretch marks and baggy skin that no amount of firming lotion has fixed.

I was in a goofy mood and grabbed Michael and started singing to him. The boy never cracked a smile. He was not amused. I then grabbed Nicholas and said, "Stop! Break a fortune cookie." "Beware of grape with wooden mallet." "Aint dat de truth."

Hee hee hee hee!

Took me a minute to notice I was the only one laughing. Minor detail.

We are having some serious cabin fever going on. The guys are begging me to go somewhere, anywhere, as long as they get out of the house. They haven't really gone anywhere during the day for a bit and it's starting to get to them. I remembered going through the same thing and promised to fix it. Soon.

But the goofiness continues.

How else would you explain how God has been turning my world upside down? And my kids are a bit concern I've lost it. Hubby is right there with me and neither one of us can explain it.

As I said in a previous post, that I feel too lazy to link too, I got tossed out of a boat. As the ship sailed away without a backwards glance at me, I discovered Jesus was standing on the water waiting on me. The interesting part is He's not telling me to climb in another boat but instead is telling me to walk on the water with Him.

I have no clue what that means or even how to do it. But I feel like I'm to take a journey with Him. I told all of this to Hubs who cracked a smirk that he's sort of on the same path and getting the same thing. Yay! So I'm not crazy. Well...I'm not alone at least.

I have been so hungry for a real relationship with Jesus and I feel that I have tried to do all the "right" things I ought and should but was amazed that I was left even more empty and more hungry for Him. I've been getting crumbs along the way but still kept feeling like there has got to be more than this. And the more I questioned that the more guilt people have tried to shove onto me for some odd reason. I think a lot of people feel this way but no one knows what to do to change it. How do you fix something when you, yourself is broken?

There has been a lot of nagging things I have not been able to put my finger on but I'm getting a lot of ah-ha moments. I'm happy to say I'm not crazy for questioning a lot. While some may say bad me as I wouldn't conform - I feel like I have my hand in Jesus' and we're walking on water y'all. Not sitting in a boat.

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it.

I'm at peace. I KNOW God is going to take care of us no matter what happens to us. We have been watching Facing the Giants and so much of that has jumped out at me. I'm giving God my best and I'm leaving the results up to Him. I know both Hubby dear and I got to the point of we'll praise Him if we win or if we lose. I'll be honest, there are still lots of times I'll get hit with a wave or 50 and my knees do buckle but my hands is still in His. I'll tell God I really don't want to lose but I'm learning to trust Him regardless of what is going on around me.


I can almost hear Him say, "Aaaand we're walking!"

I finished that book and wow! I'm still trying to process it all. It hit the nail on the head to some of my gnawing questions I've had of late. I have no idea where we'll end up but I feel like we're on a journey. It's sort of freaking the kids out too. There are certain elements they have been used to so to hear us saying going a different path sort of causes them to go tilt.

God has been showing all of us some good stuff. One being I haven't fully understood the love of God. I know all the quotes and sayings as well as all the Christianese speak, but for me to buck as much as I have - I have not known His love for me completely. I'm starting to and being around that love is starting to change me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still a goofball with a slight aftertaste of nutty and duh, covered in chocolate. But...

I got a letter from a cousin who said she saw my folks while visiting our grandparents. She said the air was very tense. My grandma is being mean and beyond rude. She won't let my folks do their laundry there and she'll only let them shower every other day. Now that is just wrong. For my cousin to even say anything about it - it had to be really bad.

My heart just broke. As I sat here and bawled my head off, I really went to praying for my folks and my grandparents. I felt peace slowly calm me down. I sat there for a while just resting in His presence to see what He had to say.

Lord, did I hear You right?

And why am I at peace about this?

I talked to the boys and got their take. I talked to Hubby and got his take. We talked about it all through dinner.

Tomorrow I'm going to call my folks and invite them to stay with us for the weekend. They can bring their laundry and for goodness sakes have a shower. Mom can go through her paper work and other junk and hopefully more of their stuff will go with them. Dad can play games with the kids. He doesn't have to work on any computers, just enjoy his neglected grandchildren.

We've been having some long talks with the boys and they said that they feel they are on the other side of all the garbage with my folks. I said we shall see. I can tell they aren't thrilled and are a bit nervous at getting hurt. I see a little glimmer of hope there but I trust God to keep them protected and told them who they need to put their hope in. You can believe me, I will be on guard. There will be no trash talking to my kids or about my man. First violation will be meant with a strong rebuke and second attempt will result in visit over. Period.

And I'm at peace with this. Before I wanted something from them. I wanted them to be the parents. Now I expect nothing from them. There really isn't anything they can say to me that is going to be earth shattering. I'm learning who I am. I can't change their circumstances and I can't get them to see my way side of things. But I can extend the love of God to them - give them a cup of water in His name and let them take a shower for a weekend.

All of you that know the score on this are probably shaking your head at me. I have no idea how to explain it. I just feel this is something I got to do and if they lash out at me, I can see it as their frustration over their circumstances. If there are attempts at manipulation, I know who and what is behind that and exactly how to deal with it. And I know Who's holding my hand.

I don't know if they'll even do it but I'm still tripping out over the act of extending the offer. And if they turn me down, I'm not that worried about that either. I know they have been on my mind and on my heart a lot lately. A few weeks ago I just missed my dad something fierce. People meet him and say I make sense. He's just as nutty as I am and twice as fast on the comebacks.

I know my boundaries, we've proven to what length we will go to enforce them. I know Hubs won't put up with their crap and will have no problem lowering the boom and pointing to the door if he has too. He is armed with don't mess with me eyebrows, after all.

I feel that this is something that will be pleasing to my heavenly Father and I can trust Him with the results. I'm sure Mom will make me cross my eyes and bite my tongue. I know I'll have to watch my kids to see if they are humming the Cruella DeVil song but I may be surprised and end up seeing a miracle. I know shutting them out hasn't fixed the problem. I still feel like I'm to stand my ground but I'm to extend grace.

Isn't that what the love of God is supposed to be doing to us? We become secure in that love and trust our Father to work it out - no matter how bad satan, or people, try to mess it up or what else is going on. I was never inspired to step out on the water while sitting in a church pew earning my gold star. Maybe because you can't bottle up love and recreate it. It's living and moment to moment. I'm suddenly becoming aware of that.

I wonder if this is what it's like to walk on water - totally out of the ordinary. It's kind of freaky and kind of cool.

Now you guys are going to be wondering all weekend, huh? (evil cackle)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Crazy Is As Crazy Does

I feel the need to warn you that it is now 2 am. Which means anything goes and I can not be held responsible for the following. At least this post will make up for the short post. They say it's all about balance so there ya go.

I do have a really good reason for being late. My whole day has been one long race to beat the clock. Sadly, the clock totally won.

Jared came down stairs about an hour ago and had only a piece of a loose tooth in his hand. Alrighty then. I got to checking out this tooth. Sign me up for the award for worst parent in the tooth category. Dude had a very dead tooth. As in gray dead - dark gray dead and there was only half a tooth with some ugly looking gums.

How long has that been
that way??

Since I was all up in his mouth, I noticed same tooth on other side is half gray. Does my incompetence know no bounds?? Don't answer that. I swear I might have to go all mid-evil on your hiney if someone really is keeping score.

Could not believe the tooth was that bad. I knew there was some bleeding going on when he brushed or flossed. I had him swish with hydrogen peroxide and let me tell you that is a nasty thing to do. The stuff foams up and makes you gag like you've never gagged before.

I'm getting all choked up just thinking about it.

Anyhoo, the bleeding stopped and the tooth looked fine. This was a couple years ago. We haven't been able to do the whole dentist thing. Thought food and electricity were more important. I'm now wondering.

Have you ever tried to wiggle out half a tooth? In a kid's mouth? Who thought it was fun to belch in my face? And then laugh so hard he farted? Which only made him laugh even harder all with my hand on the snaggle tooth. I would like to say we'll look back on this day and think fondly but I doubt it. There were a few moments when the wooziness almost got to me.

I are wimp.

Wimpy did finally get a bit fed up with it and I had a flashlight in my mouth, both hands on the job and kept muttering weh gah, weh gah. Which means let go, let go. Finally got the ugly thing out. Got him all squared away when he said he knows I'm the real tooth fairy so knock it off already and give him the buck.

This brought out my eyebrow arch of momma say knock you out. But then both eyebrows got in on the act when I asked, "Excuse me??" His eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and made a beeline for the stairs.

Never question the eyebrows.

It truly is something to behold. But the mood has to be right. And we try to hide that part.

You may ask why the heck was your child still up at that time anyway? I think it was because we got home really late from grocery shopping. Thank goodness for 24 hour open stores or I think we would be sca-rewed.

Ah Wal-Mart, how we have a weird relationship. Us needing your stuff and you needing our money. You would think this would be a glorious relationship but alas, it isn't. And it's not entirely your fault that everyone made a raid on the place with this thing called winter going on.

It doesn't help when someone in our group will have the mother of all farts that could drop a cow right when there is no way to escape. I'm not naming names but I think someone could go national in the great stink off.

He did give me the stink eye and declared I was going to blog about it. I could neither confirm nor deny it at that time. But as
you can see, his concern was with merit.

In all fairness, in aisle 11 I cut the cheese and it was ripe. But since I'm at the end of our train, none of them noticed. I thought I had the record for the night until we reached aisle 7 when the one who shall remain nameless unleashed a stench that caused my eyes to water and securing his victory. And it wasn't Hubby.

Which did make me question their diet. Which made me question my job as mom keeper of the pantry. Then to have J with a dead snaggle tooth in his head - just feeling peachy.

I have my award speech half written.

I'm still trying to coordinate a dance routine. But I have a small problem as I tend to vomit when I see myself dancing in the mirror. Thought I would put that mental out there. You're welcome.

I'm sure the half a tooth will get a tsk tsk from some list. Usually from my aunt who happens to work for a dentist but lives in another state. What is the point of having relatives if they can't get you some sweet deals, I ask you?

Apparently not much.

And speaking of aunts. Aunt flo said haha just playing and stopped. So I had all the pain for nothing because my craziness will do it all over again. But I have the wooden mallet on stand-by just in case. I did stock pile on all the supplies. I have a feeling she's going to try again in a few days.

I saw a commercial for those birth control pills where you only have 4 periods a year. Ha! I have those for free. Except I tend to scare small children, the elderly, and just about everyone in between.

Just another day in crazy hormone world. That's how I roll. Not how I want to roll but it's what I'm stuck with. Life gives you crazy then ask for the good stuff and make a party out of it.

I will say me and my crazy were in good company tonight. The many adventures at wally world continued. First we got blocked in my some crazy woman driver. Who lets her drive anyway? ;) Then we go in and the crazy people were everywhere! We got to the end of one aisle and Hubs and 2 of the boys made it around the corner when this weird looking dude cuts right in front of me and Michael. Then he takes sweet forever to move, all while muttering and glaring at me out of the corner of his eye. When I tried to go around him, he moved to block me again.

Buddy, you messed with the wrong chick.

I sort of pitied him as he didn't know it was crazy day. He was about to find out.

Michael and I looked at each other. My eyebrows did the talking like 'do you see this idiot?' And M's eyebrows responded 'I know!' We had to let the eyebrows talk as it would have been rude to say this in front of him.

Except we were beyond the pardon me stage. He was being rude. Black finger nails, black hair hanging in his face, the one eye I could see was caked in guyliner, and he had the "hey, I'm really creepy" vibe just screaming off of him.

We made eye contact and my eyebrows said move it. I thought it best to let them have a go at it before I had to get the mouth involved as I wasn't so sure I could trust it. Today was not a day for talking. It was crazy day as I couldn't stop myself as I gave him the business end of the grocery cart when he failed to move. No apologies either. He managed to scoot out of the way at the last second darn it and I went along my merry way.

(This all took place in the span of a minute. Leave it to me to make it sound all dramatic like. We weren't in any peril or anything. I can't say the same for him. Rawr!)

When we were around the corner Michael asked, "What that was all about?"
Me: "Who knows?"
M: "There was something very off with that guy."
Me: "Yup."
M: chuckling, "Were you aiming for him?"
Me: "Yes."
M: "Why?"
Me: "Well, I asked myself 'what would..."
M: "Jesus do?"
Me: "No. What would Grammy do? She would hit him with her cart and tell him to get out of her way."
M: No comment as he was too busy laughing.

What was sweet was while I really was picturing my MIL mowing the guy down, I did noticed that Michael took a protective stance next to me. I think if that guy would have so much as twitched in my direction, dude would have jumped him. That's right foo' don't be messing with me or my posse will bust a cap in yer....eh, you get the picture.

And now my crazy demands that I go to bed. Diva - crazy - it's all how you spell it, I guess.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Short And Sweet

I know, what a concept? Especially coming from me!! It is 3 am. I don't think my brain can even work right now. I'm reading So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore by three authors - I think one is Jake Colsen.

Oh.my.word!! Read this book!! Church ain't doing it for you? Feel like it's all about rules and regulations rather than relationship and focusing on Jesus? You're not alone. Nor are you crazy for feeling that way.

How refreshing.

I'm reading it online. I'm too tired and my eyes don't want to focus to pull up the link. I will try to add it later.

And for now, that is all I'm going to say about it.

We are getting a lot of snow. What is the deal with that? Acts like it's February or something. What? It is??? Huh. Imagine that.

With that I'm going to bed. Aunt flo decided to show up and I think an ovary just tried to do a half gainer - with an extra twist - all while hopping up and down on my uterus. Or I have been hit with some secret ninja punch that causes all the organs to lock up in a painful cramp.

Why yes, that does hurt really bad. However could you tell?

I'm going to down some pain meds and grab the wooden mallet to knock myself out and try to get some sleep. Either way, I better not feel anything.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Pain And Agony

No, I'm not going to talk about the Colts. I've already had a few good natured nanner nanner emails and 1 phone call. That isn't the source of my suffering.

I'm talking about the pain and agony of having to jump through 456 hoops when it comes to filing bankruptcy. We had to do online courses. That took about an hour for the pre-filing. But we had to do that main course which took 2 hours. We finally tackled that tonight but what we didn't know was that 2 hours was for each of us. It kept saying we had to both be present so I sat next to Hubby dear and listened while he answered the quizzes.

Pop freaking quizzes.

As if we weren't already feeling bad enough - there really IS a quiz on this sh-tuff.

Hubs is all done. Then it pulls up mine name and I have to take the same course, listen to all the same material again and do all the same quizzes. Except some of my question were harder. His 2 hours is done and he bolts out of the room and heads for bed leaving me alone to go through another 2 hours.

Any takers on killing me - rubbing me out - offing me for good behavior? Is there an early release program? Cuz this? This bit big time.

But that part is all done. Now we have another month to go before we find out our fate. Except we get to chain ourselves to the computer when we do our taxes. I'm thinking we can put that off for a little bit. Besides we don't have all our info on our giving for 09.

Not that I'm in a hurry to watch my Hubby's head spin in circles while he spews forth curses. Although the nice part is we didn't have any computer issues so I'm hoping that will cool his jets.

On a good note - he's back to work full time and the month is filling up fast. Can I get a ye-haw with a hot dang thrown in for good measure? Keep the prayers coming! We need him working for all of March too for the court date.

Not that I'm sweating it or anything. Simply because this if February. I may need to be medicated come March.

Other than the pain and suffering of loosing 4 hours, it was still a good day. The guys were in a goofy good mood and they had me in stitches. They got their work done quick and got along great with each other. That is always a plus.

I made a comment about LOST and Michael said no way can we go anywhere cuz he wants to see what happens. So do the rest of us! The boys are still razzing their Dad about the whole thing.


I guess I should back up and explain that one.

Over the weekend we were talking about the show. Hubby dear got this blank look on his face. I should have known immediately when his eyebrows did a little "what" dance that something was up. He's caught at not knowing but is trying to cover it up.

I'm telling you those eyebrows have some sort of power to them. They speak without uttering a word. Totally mysterious. Then again he is the mysterious guy named Fred. (Veggie Tales)

He doesn't say anything. Later he goes on the computer, plugs in headphones and I thought he was looking up all the talk about the show. Turns out dude fell asleep for the last 10 minutes!!! He didn't have a clue what I was talking about but rather than admit it, he tried to cover it up by watching the last bit of it online.

Say what?

With his hand fully caught in the cookie jar, he gave me his most pathetic aren't I cute and please don't kill me look. My eye started doing the eye twitch thing which Nicholas saw and informed his dad, "You're toast."

Could not believe Mr husband man tried to pull a fast one!! Too bad it was an epic fail.

Dude has been known to just fall asleep at weird times - church services, red lights, movies - can't tell you how many times we all settle in for a movie night only to have dude out by the end of the opening credits. Now I just ask him what credits does he want to see. I usually have to dodge a pillow or 4 after that comment.


And he has been know to sack out while hanging out with people. He claims they are power naps. I say lack of oxygen supply to his big noggin. Isn't that narcelepsy? I know his aunt has it pretty bad. Gosh, I would feel bad if he really did have that or a mild form of it because that issue has been known to cause a few fights. Nothing like him falling alseep in the middle of a deep conversation or during a sermon and have the pastor give me a look to wake him up.

Good times.

So the boys were feeling very smug that their Dad was a bit on the toasty side and kept teasing him telling him he better go to bed early so he can stay up to watch the show. I started snickering and I'm now being accused of putting them up to it.


As if.

It's called genetics deary. I didn't have to say a blooming thang. They came up with it all on their own. Good gravy! My mouth and his eyebrows? What.have.we.done???

Monday, February 8, 2010

Did You Enjoy It?

Football. I can't say I'm a huge fan but I have watched a few games. Nothing to the degree my mom does. The woman is obsessed. Growing up my mom ruled the TV for one thing and one thing only - football. Once that was done basketball took over but that's a different story. I still remember my mom doing the ironing, drinking a glass of wine, all while watching Monday night football. Classy! She never burned a shirt so whatever works.

Sundays were pretty predictable. Go to church, go out to eat for lunch, come home and do nothing to bother my parents while they slept/watch football. And don't even think of changing the channel because one of them would wake up and claim they were watching it. Yeah, okay whatever.

Now that I'm the parent, my Sunday attitude is to throw the remote at the kids so they'll be distracted enough for me to get the nap.

When I was a kid I thought it was horribly boring. I would listen to the grown-ups talk about their favorite teams. I usually rooted for the ball because I knew it was going to win and everyone wanted it. I thought this was rather brilliant to root for the most wanted thing until I watched in horror as the football was spiked. Strike that.

As I got older, and people became aware of my mad skillz with the food, we got invited to Superbowl parties. I could care less about the game, I was just there for the food and the people. We were actually at my parents house when the whole wardrobe malfunction went down. Thankfully the kids weren't in the room.

The boys are now older and all of the sudden like to watch it. But the thing they have discovered is it's an excuse for the snacking. Oh the snacking! I'm almost ashamed of myself at how much I ate. At least I would have until I watched the boys eat. I still can't believe how much cheese stuff we ate. I'm just glad we had no witness to all of this.

We had picked up a specific snack for each of us and what snack do you think they all wanted? Ours. Never fails. Whatever we get, suddenly the boys think we were holding out on them and want to try some. Then they declare it the most wonderful thing in the world and just new we were hiding something. Lord knows I live just to make their lives rotten (rolls eyes). I think their plan was to eat all of our stuff that way they save their stuff knowing we won't touch it. I think their Dad may do it just for spite.

We may be having a war of the food.

So sad and so wrong on so many levels.

They say you can tell where your heart is by what you spend your money on. Ours clearly is with food. *sigh* But it was really good!

To show you the love affair we seem to have with food - the guys rooted for the Colts BECAUSE Manning was in an Oreo commercial!! I'm not sure why, but Jared changed sides and started rooting for the Saints in the 1st quarter. We asked him why and he said he had a feeling about them. Dude! He called that one.

He did crack up laughing at the half time show. He said the one guy was missing a few buttons on his shirt and was getting rather worried all the buttons would pop off. Is this the new wardrobe malfunction? Old man bellybutton? That may have been just as scarring as Janet's bewb.

We got to cracking jokes that I sort of choked on my drink from laughing. The boys asked if I would need oxygen and then informed me the lead singer looked like he needed it more. That got me laughing even harder. I think it was an evil ploy to get my snacks. They came real close when Michael declared the guy's scarf very unmanly. Just the dry way he said it got me laughing again. Luckily I was able to pull it together and kept my snacks.

I can't say the same about the Colts. The Saint's QB had enough time to comb his hair before throwing the pass. And the Colts should have squirted some glue on their gloves. But I got to say, the Saints played well so good for them.

All in all, we had a good lazy weekend. We ate way too much and played games with the boys. We also had some good talks with them and gave them a challenge on hearing from God this week. I'm interested to hear what they get.

So what was your favorite part of the weekend? Any fav commercials?

Friday, February 5, 2010

Laugh - You Know You Want To

I am tired. So just posting a few jokes. Hope it brightens your day.

Subject: No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they're senile.

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved 'I love you, Sally'.


On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money-fifty thousand dollars!

Andy said, 'We've got to give it back.'
Sally said, 'Finders keepers.'
She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two RCMP officers were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. 'Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?'
Sally said, 'No'.
Andy said, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.'
Sally said, 'Don't believe him, he getting senile'.
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him.
One said 'Tell us the story from the beginning.'
Andy said, 'Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday.....'

The first RCMP officer turned to his partner and said, 'We're outta here!!!!'


ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
and last but not least.....
WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

For the ladies... (thanks Kerri)
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

And for Gangsta Ninja...
BLIND COWBOY
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

And one more because I'm a stinker. Remember it's a joke so just laugh.

Barack Obama at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East
Texas, asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.'

Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said: ''Well, stop clapping, dumba$$!'


Admit it, you laughed.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Blah, Blah, Blah

I thought I would get a drop on the blog post before the clock strikes midnight. Too bad that didn't work as it's now 2 am. It's been a crazy day. We've gone from teenage angst to hilarity all within the speed of smell.

Luckily N has chilled - slightly. It might be from me shoving him outside and locking the door. For a few minutes. While I wave and pretend I can't hear him.

More like I handed him his MP3 and told him to go get his happy on. Which pretty much means your attitude sucks and either you fix or I'll fix it. My way involves a big stick. He smirked and took the hint and thank heavens, he got with the program.


I felt bad because he was disappointed over something, but he needs to learn to not take it out on everyone else. So I had to get him laughing about something because laughter is the spoonful of sugar that helps life to go down. It worked.

Fast forward a little bit and we're all helping Jared come up with a sentence for a number code. This was a recipe for serious goofiness because lately dude thinks just about anything I say is the most funny thing he's ever heard.

This gets old real quick.

When dude flops on the floor gasping for air, I'll give him a weird look which only makes him point and laugh even harder. I then say, "Now you're making fun of me? You saying I'm funny looking?" By this point, he's a lovely shade of pink, mouth hanging open, tongue hanging out which is rather gross and I wish he would quit, and no sound coming out of his mouth. I'm also thinking not much oxygen is getting in either hence the color change.

So there we were, older boys laughing at something I said, Jared on the floor not quite pink yet, and me trying to ignore them so I could write a blog post. I caught myself before I could say, "Sheesh people I'm trying to concentrate and come up with something to write about, not help you figure out your school stuff." Which is a good thing I didn't say it because I really don't want to be on the home school worst parent list.

I have some pride after all.

Word of that getting out and I might take all the awards. Except the abusive worst parent part because that's just wrong to be handing out awards for that. I think that's what they call enabling. I don't care that it comes with matching bracelets and a new wardrobe that involves stripes, there is a mandatory spa treatment that can take 5-10 years and who really has time to commit to that? I know I don't.

Where was I?

I thought maybe if I wrote this post (that it turning out sadder by the minute) that maybe I would actually follow through with the request/strong suggestion I hear every night. It's the 'don't stay up late'.

Define late.

He did.

Turns out I am up waaay past his definition of late.


I really don't get this request. Every night when I come to bed, my honey is out. Hair smushed every which way, face planted in a pillow which serves as both a squeegee for the drool and muffles the snoring. This leads me to think that I'm not affecting his sleep pattern at all so it really shouldn't matter what time it is.

I have told him this is when I write. The only time it's ever quiet around here and I'm left alone so I can actually finish a blooming sentence. I can't even go to the bathroom without someone bugging me for something. Am I the only mom out there that has decided to drip dry just so they could have a few more moments of peace?? If I'm at that stage, then needless to say I'm needing some me time.


So this is like a vain attempt at letting my train of thought try to heal and finish the track it was on. It's a work in progress. Clearly we're not there. (See all my earlier posts for further proof.)

But the train wreck doesn't stop there. Turns out the craziness sort of spilled over into my dreams. Hubster did ask me the other night what in the world was I dreaming about. I can't remember much of it other than I had to explain why I pulled some prank at wally world and I woke up saying, "really officer it was quite funny at the time..."

That got his attention.

Not that I would ever do something like that. Seriously. I'm a chronic chicken. I have been known to cluck and lay an egg when under too much pressure. I come up with sarcasm to keep the clucking at bay.

I think the sarcasm is all I'm left with at the end of the day. I told dear Hubby that I could write some spastic blog or take it out on him. And since I've only been blogging for a couple years, I think Hubs has had his fill and said to blog on.


Either that or it was put the baseball bat down - I can't remember.

I do remember how the dream got started. I was sort of freaking out earlier because I was opening up our mail when it turns out one of the letters wasn't for us. This is the 4th letter this week that doesn't belong here. But the person who lived here before us has the same first name as Hubs so I only saw the first part and opened it up before I caught the blunder.

And because I'm a frequent flyer of craziness and can be totally irrational, I started to wonder if that would be a federal offense and wondered if officer John and mailman Bob were going to show up on my door step to question me and confiscate my letter opener for evidence.

Yes, that is how my crazy rolls around here. I'm trying to come up with a theme song to go with it. You just know I'm hard core as I already have some street creds to my name. Big white chicken. I so would have gone with a jail house tat if it weren't for being chicken and all.

Maybe that is a sign of sleep deprivation. This would explain why Hubby dear has been trying to encourage me to sleep more. Poor guy must think sleep cures crazy.