Tuesday, February 23, 2010

El Cranky Pants

Is it wrong that right now I want to run away from home? But then when I think about all the stuff going on, I change my mind and have joked about chaining myself to the house screaming you can't make me leave.

I think today ended up being just a 'hand over the chocolate and no one will get hurt' kind of a day. There wasn't one thing that set the eye twitch to overdrive. It just sort of arrived by late evening with no warning.

I didn't lose it when J couldn't do his schoolwork on his computer as it went all crazy on me. I didn't lose it when the guys were talking to me constantly to the point that I had the wooden mallet in hand and about ready to knock myself out. And amazingly enough I didn't lose it when Hubs walked through the door already knowing he was on thin ice.

Rather than proceed with caution he decided to tromp along the surface. Oblivious to the crackling noise of impending doom, he continued on digging his hole even deeper. It wasn't until his foot broke through the ice and felt the cold sting of the murky waters below that he realized his mistake. He immediately tried to backpedal by asking how the boys did with their school work. The guys did really good and having something new to mess with flew through it all. Hearing the woes of the computer, he leaped to fix it in record time.

But sadly none of this would be able to save Hubby's bacon.

Dude is in the dog house. I love him dearly but today - I should have taken about 5 evening primrose oil pills. Instead he took 5 stupid pills. You know it really stinks when you are at that stage where you are trying to barter with God and you just know that this could be held against you and mess it all up.

Like I'm the only person that has tried that.

So there dude is totally in the dog house and right when he went to try and find out how long his sentence was - his dad called. I tossed him the phone and said your turn. And with that I went back to talking to our spawn online.

I'm sort of noticing a pattern. It seems like when the loading of the carts is upon us, el snarkiness goes into overdrive. And the scary part is I'm thinking it's time to run to the border.

Oh yes, it is that bad.

And because I need a laugh....

THE BAPTIST WHITE LIE CAKE

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially all of the ladies who bake for church events:

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa, but forgot to do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack up for Scout camp.

When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed, "Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake!"


This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. She found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing.

Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect.

And, before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone & called her mom. Alice was horrified-she was beside herself! Everyone would know!

What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time.

She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south and to Alice 's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert! Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!

She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "what a beautiful cake!"

Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself.."

Alice smiled and thought to herself, "God is good.”

5 comments:

Julie said...

Oh no! That joke is SO FUNNY!!!! *lol* ... Yay for Alice!

http://scrapgrrl.com

Dianne said...

I LOVE IT! And, not that it matters, but I am baptist heh heh heh

Kerri said...

That is AWESOME! Oh if only everything worked that way...

jubilee said...

We could run away from home together. Up for it? ;)

Joanna said...

Jubilee - I am so up for it. :)