Wednesday, March 31, 2010

All Kinds Of Randomness

Typical me, this will be all over the place but it's what has been going on.

I knew it was time to change up the blog background but wasn't having much luck with the soft pastel one I wanted. Didn't help that my eyes got a bit tired and started to throb leaving me hiding under a pillow.

I went with this one and thankfully, I didn't completely lose it when I played around with Paint with the header. It doesn't quite fit but at this point I can either fix it and end up running around the room or I could actually do a blog post.

As you can see, I went with the second option.

Sooo Nicholas is now taller than me and Michael is not that far behind. The cackling from N got to be so hilarious that I tackled him, pinned him to the floor, and didn't let him up until he screamed uncle.

That's how I roll baby! I decided a long time ago that since I have 3 boys there will come a time when they are all taller than me so they need to know I still rule. When I let him up after we were cracking up laughing, he said that I rock. We were still laughing about it when it was time to kick his butt off to bed.

As they were going up the steps, I heard them laughing and just being them and it gave me a nice happy sigh. After all the clashes and ups and downs it is really nice to get to this point with them.

While things have been pretty cool with them, I can tell Hubby is trying really hard not to stress out. There are days where it looks like all doors are closed and the windows are all sealed shut and the tube is filling up with water.

A lot of nos. No clear path, no clear direction - no direction at all. So it has been challenging to say the least. There have been a few times I've wrung my hands and said, "Oh my goodness!" which gave me a flashback to Duffy from the movie Annie. After I slipper slapped myself a few times I stopped.

Hubs was telling me how he wakes up to the disappointment - one less day to be at the house he loves. We've both commented how much more we liked the place after switching the 2 rooms around and rearranged the living room. We're both still a bit dazed at how fast life has just sort of crumbled. You bust your butt off for something and before you know it, things turn real quick and you stand there watching it slip right through your fingers.

Sigh

There are times that I wonder if God isn't getting us out of here for a reason. We've had a continual roof leak that no matter how many times Hubs fixes it still is an issue. Not to mention all the bats we've had to deal with. Lately we've had a ton of ants. Makes me wonder.

And in other news, Babs has been looking a bit rough. My hair, having not getting it cut, is longer than Babs. So I got a longer Babette. Except it's not quite the same - more hair and a bit harder to work with. Brings even more sass. I haven't quite gotten the hang of it yet. Went a slightly different color and it's just going to take me a while to get the hang of it. Pictures will have to wait until I can manage the mop.

But I do have options and that just thrills me to no end. Goodness knows, I can't make up my mind for anything. I mean, sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Captain's Log

I can no longer remember the count of days. Blood supply too low and I'm conserving energy for one last snarky comment.

I've tried to negotiate a truce and aunt flo seems to be leaving. The demand for Reese cup eggs were what was in order to soothe the beast. However, I had to bribe one of my kids who caught me in the act of wolfing them down.

Dang it.

He told me he would make me an offer I couldn't refuse and I now think he's played a bit too much Mafia Wars. May have to rub the kid out if he keeps hitting me up for more.

I did ask Hubby to enroll me in some sort of fat farm. He wasn't amused. On top of just feeling crappy about life in general really hasn't helped matters either. Do you know how hard it is to exercise when you don't have enough of a blood supply to tackle the stairs let alone much of anything else?

I ran into a friend of my folks who went on and on about how heavy I am. Really? I just thought my feet were on vacation. Now that genius here clued me in, I don't have to file for a missing body part. She told me how it's a lifestyle and if I would move more and eat less I would see an improvement. How about I move my missing feet to help her reach that goal of flying?

I tried to get my uterus to go all mid-evil on her but it was distracted by a wayward piece of chocolate in my purse. Very disappointed. What's the point of having issues if they don't come in handy every now and then?

Why so cranky you ask? That baby shower will be next weekend. This is on my Mom's side. Which means there should be emotional warfare to last for months. I'll also get to hear for the 500 millionth time how I am such a disappointment on so many levels. From more than 1 source. Whee. I have a cousin that may just be the next junior Cruella DeVil.

Now if only I could lose like a butt load of weight, gain some confidence, and for once not be hounded by insecurities life would be just great.

Cricket, cricket

Denial is more than a river in Egypt.

I was talking to my Dad and I have to say the man is always stinking positive and upbeat even in the middle of junk. I did not inherit this and he has always pointed out how I am so negative.

Geez, ya think?

He was hoping the boys would come down and spend the day with him but I'm bringing some of my folks' stuff down for them to deal with. Plus I'm giving the box of dishes my Mom didn't want to a cousin. The van is going to be packed out. Besides I'm actually looking forward to some peace and quiet. At least until I listen to a Joyce Meyer's series about not being negative.

The irony is just a bit cruel right now.

I did tell my Dad that they need to come up and go through some boxes. Since we don't know what is going to happen, we want to lighten the load. He told my Mom and I heard the huff with "I don't see why she's making a big deal of it. Can't she hang on to it? I'm sure they'll find another place."

Dad did start chuckling when I realized I was muttering "find a happy place" over and over again. Out loud.

He did tell me he needs me to sign off on their car. Turns out they sold it and their corvette to get a new car. I was really surprised. I asked him if he cried and he said not yet. He said he has gotten a lot of fun out of that car over the last 17 years but doesn't have the money to keep it up any more. I almost bit my tongue off as it took every ounce not to point out why he doesn't have the money for it.

I told him I could always come down early the day of the shower if they need to see my id. He said he would let me know. They may just have me fax it. But then they both insisted I come down early anyway and we could hang out. He even suggested I spend the night. Um, no. I may have extended the olive branch but I'm not ready to go there.

So much of getting rid of some insecurities.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Can You Hear Me Now?

Ever get the feeling like someone is trying to tell you something? Like when your kid looks at you and then over at some snack item and then back at you. They repeat this process of few more times just in case mom's brain isn't fully functioning at any given moment. One never knows if my brain is paying attention or not.

Like this shocks you.

Sooo Kerri and I have in our hot little hands Kelly Minter's new bible study about Ruth - Love, Loss, and Legacy. This study is slated next on our agenda as we've just cracked open Beth Moore's Believing God. I think I may be the only person I know that hasn't done this study but hey better late than never. Luckily for me Kerri is willing to do this again.

Part of me wants to hurry up and get through this to tackle Ruth as I can identify with loss right now. But I also know I need all the help I can get with trusting and believing God. I think I'm starting to get it that it's all about the timing so I'm trying to get the most of what I can where I'm at right now.

While running errands with the boys last week, we were at Sam's club and they had Francine River's new book out that I almost knocked over a kid to get to it. What really shocked me was I saw a book that I didn't even know was coming out by Lizz Curtis Higgs sitting there at Sam's at a lower price. Score! I love her writing. She is able to write both fiction and non-fiction in such a way. I seriously could go on and on about her. Big puffy heart love her.

Seeing this gem, I placed it in my cart without even reading the back of it and went on my merry way. She did a series on the story of Jacob, Rachel, and Leah in an Irish setting and at first I thought this was part of that series as it's sort of set in the same time period. I didn't really care, I was just happy to get it. When I got home I read the back of it and it's a story about Ruth.

Gosh, wonder what I'm supposed to be picking up on?

The sad thing is I am a bit behind on my book reading. So chances are by the time I actually get around to reading it, we should be ready for that study. I have zero energy right now and have been falling behind on some stuff. I'm almost afraid to ask the boys if they even have clean socks as I've heard one of them has been re-wearing his socks.

Lets hope that's not the only thing he's re-wearing. Sigh

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Um

I think I may have survived the attempt on my life. It's not done with me but I managed to go grocery shopping without passing out in the aisle. That's got to count for something.

I am very disappointed that no one got gas. I was hoping to blame the taco bomb for all the fuzziness I'm feeling mentally. But no - I'm just that out of it. I was moving so slow, I had an older lady on a stinking scooter pass me up. To add insult to injury she informed me how slow I was shuffling. Due to a lack of blood supply I couldn't even come up with a single comeback.

It took me 15 minutes to realize it too. So sad.

But I did hustle the guys through the store in record time. I was barking at them to make up their blooming minds already and get going. For whatever reason, it worked. I was okay walking but the minute I stopped and had to stand still I would get lightheaded. Not good.

So no post yesterday as I was too busy sitting on towels and trying to remember why it is I want to live let alone come up with anything. Hubs totally scored as he brought home dinner last night. I'm now trying to see how I can get out of cooking the rest of the week.


Except I sort of zone out in the middle of a sentence. The boys have found this to be great amusement. I have a feeling they've been getting away with some things.

Since I'm still blanking out - a few jokes for St. Patty's day even though that was last week. I think. What month is it again??

IRISH VIAGRA

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.
'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'
'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'...
It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'
'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'
'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Wasn't it good?'
'Freakin' jaysus, 'twas the best s*x I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!'


Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'
'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees..'
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

And this one because it's hoolarious

Question: What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS?
Answer: A crazy b*tch who WILL find you!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Kill Me Now

Dear Uterus,

Seriously??? You must be going crazy, this has become very obvious. But now? Right now, you have to pull this??? Didn't aunt flo just leave 2 weeks ago? I'm almost positive that she did. Explain to me why you brought her back for another visit - one that has gone off with a bang. I don't feel like I have a need for you any more so if you would be so kind as to close up shop, I think I would be happy. If nothing else relieved.

I'm now worried it's trying to kill me off. Hubby came home to find me in a fetal position, curled around a heating pad, under 3 blankets begging someone to finish me off.

No one took pity on me as they wanted me to make dinner.

Bastages.

But Hubby did cook dinner. It was either that or starve and as resourceful as he is, he soldier on. That and we need to go grocery shopping. Won't this be a site to see? Us all loaded up with taco bomb as I use my cart as a walker all while moaning/screaming for chocolate and pain meds.

At least I'm consistent.

I'm trying to figure out why no matter how much I plan out our food, we always managed to fall just a hair short. Couldn't possibly be that these guys can devour food like it's nothing. And all those extras to tied us over seem to vanish into thin air.

Ugh. Double ugh. I told Hubs I can see the next few months being some pretty nasty emotions. He told me he would give me a run for the crazy one.

Oh dear.

Although if he thinks I'm going to hand over my crown and throne without a fight he has misjudged me.

Thanks for the hugs cuz I am so going to need it. Right about now I feel like I'm being dropped kicked through the goal posts of life - again.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Whatcha Gonna Do?

My blog sent me some hate mail about being neglected and all. I told it to hush as it had record comments for the give away but it's feeling all needy. I don't know where it got that from. I had to inform it that I am the only diva on this train wreck and it's only purpose is to take pictures of the mess for the insurance purposes.

It's not convinced.

It has been yet another roller coaster of a week. I think I have hit every emotion on the wheel of doom as one can get. Went to bankruptcy court. The trustee was really cool about the whole thing and was done and over less than 15 minutes.

But it does mean we are on the clock as we are going to have to leave our house. The house we busted our butt off to fix up. The house we use to joke calling it Tod (This Old Dump). Yeah lots of emotions with that.

Sadly, I did get to the point if I heard one more person tell me it's going to be okay, I was ready to punch them in the face. Yes, I know that but the right here, right now what are we going to do sucks.

Ah, but there goes that negative part of me again. I did get reprimanded for joking about being homeless and wanting to find an ally with wifi. Fine. Whatever. The sun will come out - and fry all you happy positive people to a crisp! Muwhahaha!!!

See? This is why I stayed away from the blog. People freak if you say this out loud, and often. So I saw no need to put it out there to drive the 6 people who read this blog away.

I will say on a good note that after the dust settled, an entire box of Kleenex was used, not to mention all the chocolate - felt like God was saying it's going to be okay. We've been wondering if it's time to move on for a while. Just have been running into a lot of closed doors.

So Hubby is already researching and looking like crazy which is good because my way of coping is to wring my hands and run around the room screaming like an idiot.

But I will tell you this because I seriously can not make this crap up.

As we got closer to the federal building, it suddenly dawned on me that I've been there before. Only a mild wave of panic hit me and was able to keep moving in a forward motion. I kept telling myself that all that junk was in regards to my folks, not me and I would be just fine.

We go in and lets just say the security was super duper tight. When they had their 5th dude as tall as a building, and just as wide, as well as 4 other dudes armed to the teeth that came around the corner just as I walked through the metal detectors is when I had a slight thought of hit the deck. It's good that Hubby was behind me and sort of shoved me through.

Me, being the paranoid thing that I am, was moving in slow motion but was thinking in hyper-active overdrive. Thoughts like 'these guys weren't here a moment ago, why did they all the sudden show up? Especially right after I entered the area. Why are they all standing around the entrance way? Why are they eyeing me like I'm a freak? Oh wait, someone just said something. Respond stupid! And for the love of Pete don't cry, you're innocent. They don't seem to believe people anyway.'

Luckily I wasn't taken down for suspicious behavior. I was happy we were right near the entrance and not in the bowels of the building in case of an emergency escape.

Hey, you never know when you need to leave a building quickly.

We're sitting there making jokes with each other trying not to think of all the emotions wrapped up in this. About that time a couple attorneys come in and they were talking about how crazy of a day it had been there. Turns out some other yahoo was doing a similar fight that my folks did and I guess they were worried some para-military group was going to show up and cause problems.


I looked at my Hubby and he about started cracking up laughing.

My luck it would be some of my folks idiot friends. Of all the days that stupid crap like that goes down why, oh why does it have to be when I'm around it? I am really starting to get worried that poo just seems to follow me. No matter how hard I try to get away from it -bam! stepped in some more.

And y'all wonder why I tried to enter the witness protection program. I'm still slightly bitter that they turned me down. Well minus the seeing a crime and all.


I think the hardest thing about the whole week is I had a few people, and a couple relatives, make some nasty comments. Seriously do not understand why folks think if you go through hard times then clearly you are not in right standing with God. Okay, whatever.

But it does frustrate me. You go through a hard time and it seems like people line up to make you feel even more bad about yourself and your situation.


Do you know what I think about that? I'm thinking it's time to run to the border and have questionable food and go gas wally world as we grocery shop. That's what I'm thinking. Might as well make someone else gag and run away gasping for air.

Cuz that's how I roll.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner

What a weird thing to say.

You have no idea what all the drama this thing has caused. N and M feel very strongly that rthling should win as she answered the most quotes. However, I did say that it wasn't required to be entered.

Hubby came up with a very easy, yet involved way to pick a random number. After several coin tosses and a roll of the dice the winner is....

Comment #16 which is Dianne.

Holla out to Dianne!!!

But the boys are insisting I give D(rthling) a runner up prize of a bag of chocolate. Personally I think it's all a ploy to score on those orange kisses. So D I'll see if I can get a bag of them and I'll bug ya on facebook for your address.

You ladies cracked me up, btw. Thanks for making it fun. And ya'll are as nuts as I am!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

500 And A Give Away

Oh my word! The comments!! I'm thinking the 2 D's are going to kill each other. I'm still leaving it open now that you cheaters totally killed my skillz on picking a winner so it might take me another day. I'm slow like that. I add the answers to the movies.

Sooo this is my 500th post!!! As I said last week, who knew this train wreck would still be moving right along? I, for one, had doubts. I didn't doubt that my motor mouth would come up with 500 post but the fact that I'm up to 6 people reading it every other day is something that is a surprise.

I've told 2 people what the prize is and after they stopped laughing, have declared it perfect. The guys wanted me to list a bunch of movie quotes and see if anyone can figure them out and the winner would get the prize. Because I tend to be on the lazy side, I figured I would put up the quotes but you don't have to answer them to qualify.

Personally, my Hubby thinks I'm only going to get 7 people who will enter. He so underestimates the InterPeeps. And chocolate.

I wanted a gift that just screamed me as well as say a big old thanks to the Peeps for coming back for more. I think I should call it a kitchen sink give away. I present you with the prize...



You know how I've joked about hiding chocolate in a tampon box? Well you too can have your very own box of tampons with all kinds of chocolate shoved inside. Lots of Hershey kisses, including some of those orange cream ones as well as the butter creme. Some Dove filled with caramel, a few Twix, and I'm not sure what else. Plus I'll even add the tampons because as I've said my body shoots those bad boys out like a loaded cannon.

As you can see I'm including Ever After on DVD to boot. I lurv me a good movie. Good gravy we talk to each other in movie quotes. Still not sure what that says about us but I'm not going to go there. I was going to add a box of microwave popcorn but wally world changed their whole shelf and I couldn't find any. Don't get me started on that one.

And I'm adding a Joyce Meyer's daily devotional. I love books and wasn't willing to part with any and since lately I'm on this whole walking with God - thought that would be good to toss in. Take the time to start developing a relationship with Him even if it's only for a few minutes. You got to start somewhere. Maybe you can keep it next to the tampon box? A little light reading, some chocolate, and something to stop up the leaks.

Jared was watching me do all of this snagging any wayward chocolates. He looked at the tampon box and asked if those are for runny noses. Took me a few seconds to remember that I really did shove one up my nose to take care of a bad head cold that left me with a drippy nose. So I had to inform him of what they are really for.


I'm not sure he's recovered from it yet.

So here are a few movie quotes. And because it's me, it has a little bit of everything.

1. "That makes you ugly and stupid." Emperor's New Grove

2. "Your pig fiance is too late." Princess Bride

3. "You know I love you more than my luggage." Steel Magnolias

4. "There he is again. Snoop doggy-dog." Run-Away Bride

5. "You know why you're angry Bob? You're angry cuz they make you wear a dress." Last Samurai

6. "Lets be honest, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing." Iron Man

7. "You suck." "I suck or the outfit sucks?" "It's a toss up." While You Where Sleeping

8. "Is this Farmer's Bounty?" "Yeah." "It tastes like saddle soap." Kate & Leopold

9. "This place is a tomb. I'm going to the Nut Hut where it's fun." You've Got Mail

10. "Don't tease me. You know what I do for a living." Grosse Pointe Blank

11. "It's a good day to die!" "Not on my watch, rodent." Bolt

12. "One minute you're defending the whole galaxy, the next you're sucking down Darjeeling with Marie Antoinette and her little sister."
Toy Story

13. "What did he die from?" "Brain tumor." "Nice!" PS I Love You

14. "You just took out a helicopter with a car." "Well, I was out of bullets." Live Free Or Die Harder

15. "I told the truth Lord! How can I learn any moral lessons if you keep confusing me like this?" Ladyhawke

16. "Toe pick." Cutting Edge

17. "It was our love fern and you let it die!" How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days

18. "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." Notting Hill

19. "Curse you, plastic moldsmen." Over The Hedge

20. "Are you ok? Ya sure? Cuz you just went through a wall." Gone In 60 Seconds

If you can get them all, I may hunt down the microwave popcorn. Or not. Think of it as a brain challenge. Or a test to show yourself you're not a loser like me who knows all of these and a lot more. And if you do get them all right then why haven't we done a movie night??

If you would like to be entered just leave a comment. I'll leave this open for a few days. Crazy busy week up ahead and not sure how it's going to pan out.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

It Was A Gas, Gas, Gas

So here it is 1 am. The blog is staring at me with this slightly annoyed look. I think it tried to call me a slacker until I threatened to delete it. Needless to say, it backed off.

It's been a busy few days. This and that had to get done. Been a bit tired so didn't have much drive to blog. As you can imagine from the title, we had to go do the loading of the carts. It did not help that I was in a weird mood. Jared and I had watched Shrek 3 Sunday. For whatever reason I kept saying, "for the poopies" all.day.long. It cracked me up. So much so, that I managed to work it into every conversation.

Bet you wished you were here.

I don't know if all my poopie talk triggered something or if it is our way of paying back the other shoppers at wally world, because the gas was baaad. It probably didn't help that I had to announce every time I walked into a cloud of ick that someone needs help as they have the poopies OR looks like the poopies are trying to escape.

I did get paybacks for all my teasing as I got hit with some nasty stuff once we got home. I was getting razzed for it pretty bad. But I got out of bringing in all the groceries and putting most of it away. Who's the sucker now?

It's probably a good thing I don't have a girl.

I don't know why but wally world was really busy and there were 2 other families that were totally getting in our way while we were shopping. You can just imagine how well this turned out with all our poopie air issues. We did noticed that one family walked into a huge gas cloud as the poopies escaped from all of us - at once. It was all I could do not to laugh. I knew if I did, I would have breathe that stench in and then I would have had to fight the gagging.

The family high-tailed it out of there.

One down, one to go.

Sadly, that other family would not budge. Looking back, I think they had no sense of smell. There really is no other explanation as to why they continued to follow. And then they started laughing at some of my poopies comments. Dude, I don't even know you.

What I thought was funny was they had a girl I would say 8 or 9 that was just head over heels for Jared. She tried smiling at him. He smiled back at her only once and she was hooked. The girl's eyes got real big and she waved at him. He frowned at her and walked away. I watched this girl go from crushed to determined to get his attention which she tried in each aisle to get him to notice her.

Dear Lord, please come back really, really soon!!!

Thankfully, her charms did not work on him. Most of the time he wasn't even paying attention as he was too busy picking out food or helping me get stuff.

I did notice the same thing happen with N and M from the other family that is before we gassed them. They had a girl around 12 or 13 that tried to be all coy about getting their attention. I don't think she got the fact that they were too busy talking to each other and concentrating on what food to get. Food is a high priority for them right now.

They never even noticed her until they almost ran her over with the cart. Polite as they are they apologized and then went on with their conversation not even giving her a second thought. And I saw the same determined look as this girl about threw herself in front of their cart and their cart alone. Luckily the stink bombs did drive her away.

I sort of sat there thinking, 'dang, this could get interesting in a few years'. I'm now thinking we may have to eat at Taco Bell only.

Which means you may want to avoid us if you ever see us at WalMart.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Long Overdue

I have a good excuse for being late with the blog. I was flat out tired! I spent my time talking with a cousin on Skype. Oh my word that sucker is fun! Just had a ball talking with someone hours away.

But there was a down side. The camera did not do me any justice. Ah humility - you always know exactly how to bring me to my knees. Hair in a headband and looking like something the cat horphed up. Nice.

Insult to injury, it hit me at just the right angle that I saw myself with more chins than Chinatown. OMGosh how depressing! I noticed when I smiled my face was like 3 times the normal size. Now whatever happen to it takes less muscles to smile crap?? My smile muscles must get a serious workout from all the poundage it was pushing.

Where was that bag of chocolate again?

The funny part is how bad my kids turned into hams 1, 2, and 3. Hilarious. They tried jumping in on the conversation. Jared over laughed at everything I said. Plus he kept sitting closer and closer to get some part of his body in the shot. I sent all the guys off to bed. When Hubs gave me a kiss goodnight she starting screaming, eww get a room.

Cracked me up cuz I am still new to all this here modern technology. Sort of forgot the camera is pointing right at me and all my chins. I don't know what proper Skype edicate is. Maybe turn the screen away real quick? What if that gave her motion sickness? It's things like this that cause me to wring my hands and say oh dear. Proving I'm really much older than my present age. I say that like it can be all finagled around. Today I'm feeling like the age of....

sigh

Oh my goodness. I need some of my blogging buddies to get in on this. You can download it for free and talk computer to computer for free. So you too could see all my chins in person and see what a whack job I really am.

Wait, then you would no longer be fooled by my suave and sophisticated blog self and would realize what a spaz I am and go running in the other direction. Hmm, this wouldn't be good if the truth were to be known. I don't know what I would do if y'all figured that out.

Cricket, cricket

Bwhahaha!! I crack myself up!!

Actually, I am feeling a bit haggard as aunt flo has just been kicking my arse all over the place. How can anyone bleed this much for this long and still survive is a bit of a mystery to me. I'm now bribing my children with Hershey's kisses to take laundry baskets up and down the stairs for me.

Oh the Hershey with all their kisses! Target must have some exclusive deal with them because they had an orange cream kiss. White chocolate with a ribbon of orange goodness wrapped around it. Not sure if I should admit we came down to blows for the last few. At least the guys did - I knew there was still another bag that I've neglected to tell them about.

Evil cackle echoes through the air

But I sort of got a smack for it all that evil cackling. I'm reading Beth Moore's new book on insecurity. Dude! Ouch!!! And that's all I'll say about that as my Forrest Gump self inhales some more chocolate.

Although I did have a good talk with Hubby about some stuff. I got him to read the book I keep talking about that I'm too lazy to link to. It is going right long with the stuff God has been giving him. He's writing about being on autopilot and getting off of it. The stuff he comes up with....wowzers!! My man is one deep observant person. Them quiet ones? Watch them like a hawk cuz they are watching and taking mental notes. Which is funny because it tied in with some oh moments I'm having reading Beth.

In an attempt to keep it short, it dawned on me that Hubs was right on a few things. Too bad this realization came about 3 years too late. Then when I was telling Hubby gosh dear you were really right and I don't know why I did that, dude nailed me on a few other things. And it sort of felt like that flying ninja kick.

I may or may not have commented that I came to him to apologize not get a laundry list of other stuff. He just grinned at me and wanted to know if I wanted to go for round 2. I sat there thinking about some of it and it turned the light right on more insecurity.

Um, humility? You can stop with the rubbing it in my face and all. Seriously.

It was all good though. Truth really does set you free. I was surprised he owned up to a few things that has been the source for many a fight. Before he had been on autopilot and didn't want to deal with some things. Leaving it up to me. He's off autopilot now and the changes in him have been wow. The stuff we talk about? Deeeeep.

And zeroing in on insecurity in the middle of it? Interesting.

It was weird cuz I know I landed a few blows and took several but rather than being defensive, I really hope I can catch some of this crap and deal with it. Cool beans!

Man this walking on the water thing is both cool and freaky.

Monday, March 8, 2010

It Was A Good Day Tater

It has been a pretty good few days in spite of everything else that has been going on. We had beautiful weather. Thursday and Friday I loaded up the boys and we ran errands.

As it just so happens, I had to get a baby shower gift. There I was at Target in the middle of baby land and I think my ovaries let out a massive sigh as baby fever attacked me. Did I mention I was shopping for a girl? Oh the pink. It called out to me. I looked at all the cuteness and had to sigh. I looked over at my babies - who are almost as tall as me and sighed again.

Then some screaming brat was in the same aisle while I was trying to figure out what to buy. Ovaries said screw that - been there, done that.

But I did get a kick out the guys. Some of the stuff they come up with cracks me up. They still need to work on their snark but for beginners not too bad.

You may want to smack them though. I am doing a give away later on in the week to celebrate my 500th post. Admit it, y'all thought I would have been in the nut house by now. This train is still rolling. Thought I would give some love for the InterPeeps.

Because it is me, I came up with something that is unique and very sort of kitchen sink like to it. But I'm not going to get into that just yet. While we were shopping and brain storming, the guys thought I should make y'all work for the prize that only I could come up with. They didn't feel that just posting a sign me up comment was worthy of what I'm doing.

They give me way too much credit for my weirdness.

So you'll have to stay tune to see what I can come up with.

But we had a really good weekend and was able to bless the guys a little bit. Hadn't been able to do that for a long time. It was nice. And we celebrated with Shamrock Shakes. Life is good.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Blanking Out

I was drowning my sorrows in a bowl of chips when it dawned on me that I should put something on the blog. More like I polished off the bag and now thought I should do something.

It gets a bit muddy when I try to focus on the details.

You will be happy to know Hubby talked me out of tossing my butt off a cliff. We'll overlook the fact that there are no cliffs near by. Plus the guys were all hungry and wanted dinner so they tried playing the guilt card. Which didn't help their cause and almost backfired until dude told me that we don't have to refinance in the next 2 weeks.

Oh.

He seems to be on the calm side and after my third lap around the room flipping out, I decided to let him deal with it and then hold him responsible for whatever happens. Cuz that's how I roll.

I guess my Dad called and invited us down for the weekend for dinner. I know my Mom can cook and all but that is one heck of a drive for dinner. We're not able to as our weekend is a tad bit busy. I will say the whole thing is at this weird what next stage. Which seems to be every stinking area of my life right now.

Not happy about that either.

It seems like there was something else going on but I am drawing a blank. That can't be good. I'm use to blanking out but it usually comes back around.

Nothing.

I will send off this week with some jokes. Who couldn't use a laugh or 2? I know I could.


A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.

'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'


Maxine on "Driver Safety" "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures."

Maxine on "Lawn Care" "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."

Maxine on "The Perfect Man" "All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."

Maxine on "Technology Revolution" "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice."

Maxine on "Aging" "Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a Margarita."


HOW TO BE A GRACIOUS B*TCH

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,' she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.'

A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.

Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.'


And with that - hope you have a great weekend!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Do You Feel Lucky, Punk?

Oh InterPeeps, it is moments like right this nano second someone should tell me to step away from the computer and save the world from posts like this. Too bad no one has the nerve to do it.

Then again it could be because all the normal people in the world are in bed passed out and not sitting all bleary eyed at the computer screen with the pressure to write something.

No, I'm not writing a book. I suck at it as I can't ever come to the end. The story that can't end because there isn't any.

Much like my life. Bitter ending that never ends.

Dang, low on chocolate again. Hang on. GULP! Much better.

Actually the day was a really good day. The sun was shining, kids were cooking through their school work all while I jammed to some music cleaning the kitchen, and then kicked some laundry right in the fabric softener. Didn't cook dinner as I got to go have some McTalking time with Kerri. How she puts up with me, I'll never know. It's her own personal gift.

All an all, it was a nice day of happiness.

But that happiness has tried to float away but I made it too scared to move. What could be that scary you ask? Try I haven't been blogging about aunt flo cuz I think if I did she would up her game. Right now an ovary is doing a triple twist. I bet that's why my right eye started twitching this afternoon. Here I thought it was a code for give me chocolate.

Wrong-O!

But the organ in a knot isn't so bad because it should feel right at home. Home - how I would like to keep thee but Bank of America sucks. I'll just keep working on my voodoo doll. I kid. I don't mess with the dark arts. I have enough problems as it is.

While I put it in B for boogie to go hang out with Kerri, I left Hubs to cook for our spawn and deal with the bank because long story short our lawyer informed us, gosh that is up to us to deal with, not them. Come again? When were you planning on letting us know this? We're 2 weeks away from the court date and you're just NOW telling me this???

Deep breathing...

10 minutes later

Hubs calls, waits forever from all the transfer calls - bottom line? They do not reaffirm - EVER. Now Hubby can reapply for a different loan - again - for the 3rd time and see if the wizard behind the green curtain has gotten his head out of his....

More deep breathing...

20 minutes later

And another thing, you dirty rotten....

More breathing....

We jumped through all those hoops for all those months, all through the fall. Then tossed our house into foreclosure weeks before Christmas when we were only a couple months behind because you figured you would make more money thanks to YOUR bail out and.....

Passes out from all the breathing - who knows for how long

Eh, you know what? I'm really not worried about it. I know God is working it out. I'm not all upset. A bit peeved at the mortgage company but both Hubby and I knew they were going to be jerks about it as that has been what we've dealt with for the last year. We're now looking to see if we can get another mortgage company to help out. Couple of them look promising.

Why couldn't I have know about this weeks ago to plan according so we're not down to the wire on a mad scramble? Again?! Oh, because that would mean life makes sense and would be fair and all that rot. Grr.

I do not like the mad scramble. Too much temptation to wring my hands and pace all nervous like. I gave that up for Lent. At least that is what I'm telling myself. So far so good.

But I know that I know that I know, that God is working it all out and it's going to be okay.

Wonder if I can challenge the bank to a game of mafia wars? The way they do business? I bet they invented the game. Sheesh! But my day was way too good to let them pee all over it.

Now here's the question for you - is it me on meds and chocolate that's all upbeat and singing the sun will come out tomorrow? OR is it the ovary tied in a knot with a bad attitude that is ready for a smack down? I'm betting the organ as it keeps twitching and it did say 'go ahead - make my day' a time or twenty.

Don't anger the ovary. Step away from it slowly and leave chocolate as a peace offering.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Walking On Water

This has come up in topic a lot the last few days with various people.

So.


I have a confession to make. I'm having some issues with the whole church thing. Hubby, the boys, and I have been having a lot of talks about it. Honestly, my kids' observation of church was actually alarming. Very insightful but also very sad.

I have never wanted religion. Saw a lot of religious people growing up. I want a relationship with my God, my Savior, my King - the one I read about in my Bible. Instead, my church experience can be boiled down to rules, regulations, and don't even think of praying for someone unless you have your act together.


I've been taught that don't smoke, don't chew, don't hang with those that do and playing by all the rules is what a good Christian is supposed to do. But I've found that no matter how many gold stars I earned, I still didn't feel that life giving relationship I've been reading about. A lot of times I walked away feeling condemned as well as feeling bad about myself.

So many times I left church thinking surely there has got to be more than this? And my hunger for God kept growing but I wasn't finding Him in all the areas I was told to look.

Yeah, I'm still rolling that book around in my head.

We've been pulling open our bibles and just talking about it with each other and with the boys. We're not talking at them - telling them what to think - but exploring what they feel that scripture was saying to them. The cool part is we have always been a tight family, but we've all said that we feel even closer to each other. I'm watching my boys pray for each other with different struggles and past hurts getting healed. I'm seeing grace where before it was just impatience on all fronts.

We're all doing different bible studies and it's all sort of coming together when we talk about what God has been showing each of us. It's been interesting. And I've never felt more closer to God!! Are we going through a hard time? Yes, but I can say we're all finding peace in the middle of it. It's been incredible!

A few people are freaking out about this. The argument is we'll backslide. I find that kind of funny. We're not saying we'll never go to church again but for now....we need a time of healing. Far from church. I've been burn, peeled, stabbed, BBQ and tossed overboard all from fellow Christians. Friends like that who needs enemies? And why would I want to continue exposing myself to that?

Case in point, I'm going to an evening bible study. I was informed my presence was making people uncomfortable. I felt bad as that wasn't my intention. Felt like God wants me to learn something from the study and/or the DVDs. But I clearly make some people upset and the vibe was very loudly telling me not to come back.


I was sitting there praying about it and asking why do we do this to each other, and got an ah-ha. It's like college football teams and their rivals. The body of Christ has taken church down to if you don't play for our team and wear our team's colors than you are a rival and therefore we won't associate with you.

It feels very much like a game. Play by our rules or we'll make you feel bad about yourself and pour tons of rejection on your head.

And I have God telling me to get out of that game and go walk with Him.

I will toss out there that I'm not saying down with church. I do know people that without it would go downhill very quickly. I'm just not one of those people. We're walking with Him. And oh my word is Hubs coming up with some good stuff too! I'm seeing an answer to prayer before my eyes as I watch how much he's been studying his bible and just walking close with God. I keep telling him to write it all down as it'll be a best seller some day.

I got this email on a new take of the Footprint story that is just fitting.

"Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace. But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns."


"For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling, His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends!"

"This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one."

"This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one."

"This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends."


Now you pray: "Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."
"That is correct."
"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely."
"Very good. You have understood everything so far."
"When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way."
"Precisely."
"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."
There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice. "You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"



I'm off to go dance with Him - as I am, right now NOT when I have it all together or someone else's approval. Because then it would never happen.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Dancing To A Different Tune

Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers. Appreciate that. Hubby talked to the lawyer and we're told this is normal and doesn't mean anything. So we are still at square zero.

Why square zero instead of square one? Because we should all face the facts that I know zero about most things that really don't hold my attention. This ranks right up there but I was able to cope with some chocolate. Denial being more than a river in Egypt and all.

To hear that the crisis sort of side step or really didn't mean a hill of beans left me slightly confused. So there went that bag of chocolate.

But don't worry, I do have back up chocolate for the next crisis I don't understand. Knowing me that could mean just about anything.

Actually, I'm not totally losing it. There are moments it hits but it does quickly settle down. Both Hubs and I keep saying we're trusting God. We'll praise Him if we win or if we lose but we're going to praise Him. And eat chocolate. It is coming up on Easter. What better way to celebrate Jesus kicking some serious butt by conquering sin and death than a chocolate bunny?

Yeah, I don't get that either.

Nicholas and I were discussing this topic - online in a chat box. At least it started out talking about chocolate but then we quickly changed the subject. He is just cracking me up. I was sitting in one room and he was in another room but I could see him. Every now and then he would type "look over at me" and he would make a face. We were cracking ourselves up. Cuz that's how we roll.

Actually we were laughing at Hubs as he has been on this kick of watching old music videos on YouTube. The boys are worried he's flipped his lid as we all decided that those bands suck and suck royally. The boys were asking me why did their dad listen to this junk and I just had to shake my head and whisper that was before Jesus.

Well it was.

But I had all of them laughing about it. Including Hubby who takes my mockery in stride. Besides he can dish it out just as much as he takes it. It's those quiet ones you have to watch cuz he's not that silent around here.

I tried really hard to explain the 80s but gave up. Because really? Can any of us really explain the 80s? The 60s everyone was on drugs, the 70s people were still on drugs or at least trying to kick the habit. At least that's what I'm guessing after looking at the pictures. Maybe the 80s was the rehab decade?

Suddenly a lot of the fashion makes sense now.

I can't remember who he was watching tonight but Michael declared it hippy music and left the room. I started laughing. The little chat box popped up from Nicholas to which he replied, 'He's not kidding. The dude looks like a freak.'

My laughter continued. Hubs was watching someone his dad really liked so heard it a lot as a kid. Our backgrounds are totally different for Hubs and I. My folks listened to Gaithers and classical music while his parents did not. Hubs spent a lot of time listening to music. While it started out to drown out all his parent's fights, he ended up with a deep love for music.

Remember the show Name That Tune? Dude is freaky good at stuff like that. We were watching Mythbusters once and Adam said his head is full of 70s music and Hubs was laughing because so is his.

Way to get your nerd on there, dear.

Nicholas wanted to know how I've survived the different taste in music. I said you just learn to blow things off. Roll with the punches. Everyone is entitled to their own taste. Besides his taste in music has changed so no biggie.

I probably shouldn't tell them about the music I was into. I'm just glad music, especially Christian music, has come a loooong way.

The guys seem to be a bit worried that it's going to be all 80s all the time. After being forced to watch a clip or 7 of some old bands, they are praying very hard that Jesus would come back before all the spandex is back in style.

I think I will have to agree with them on that prayer.

But I did get a bit excited that the movie A-team will be coming out soon. I have been saying, "I love it when a plan comes together" like all week long. I hope it's something I can drag the boys too. I'll need to make it up to them that I'm planning on dragging them to see both Shrek 4 and Toy Story 3. What's the point of having kids if I don't get to see the kids' movies, I ask you? At least Jared has got my back.