I haven't posted any jokes lately. Sooo...
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY...
Women are like phones:
They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your @$$ is disconnected.
With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, good grief, look how smart I am!
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy a half head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some OLD FOOL wants to buy a half head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Texas, sir." the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Texas?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and football players down there."
"Really?" said the manager "My wife is from Texas."
"No foolin?" replied the boy.
"Who'd she play for?"
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F.
Hope you have a great weekend!
Friday, April 30, 2010
I haven't posted any jokes lately. Sooo...
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I think April - especially the last 2 weeks of it - will always be a long a drawn out process for me. Seems like the first 2 weeks of April there was a lot of talk about taxes and then the rest of the month was just a whole lot of nothing. Maybe we were waiting to see if Uncle Sam showed up all freaky like - who knows? Just seemed to take for-evah for May to get here. Then once it does, next thing you know it's Memorial weekend and I'm scratching my head wondering where exactly did May go?
What could cause all this angst? I would say my mother for the first 2 weeks but J gets the angst for the last 2.
11 years ago, I was told my due date for the mysterious, alien life form I was carrying that acted like a kangaroo, was due April 26th. But they did say they weren't sure if that was right or not. Having gone early with twins and was told it was possible to go early again - April was a very long month of waiting.
I know this will shock you, but I'm not a fan of the waiting.
When it hit May, I started to act crazy. Well, crazier than normal. When I went in on May 5th to get induced AND GOT SENT HOME - I think I may have scared the ever-living snot out of my husband. What's the point of scaring someone if it's not to go after the ever-living snot? Who wants to scare dead snot any way?? What can I say, other than this is the product of having boys.
There was my terrified Hubby. He had faithfully tossed me Hershey chocolate bars - with almonds as there really is no other kind - every day to keep me from killing him. After a week of this he begged for the mid-wife to help. On top of that my in-laws informed me that they were coming to stay for a visit.
God have mercy on all their souls!! Cuz I know I threw a fit. I just chose to block that memory out. So did Hubby.
But the end of April will forever seem to drag out for me. Cuz in the middle of all this, a friend of mine from college decided I needed all the help I could get. And ended up telling my MIL she would need to leave before she came out for her visit. Why yes, you would be correct that my MIL was not too happy about this. I still remember those perticular fireworks too.
Rumor has it I begged the entire nursing staff to let me stay a few more days. But those are just silly rumors - can't believe everything you read anyway. Ahem!
Got an email and the in-laws should be coming up next week to celebrate J's birthday. I did have a moment of panic when the thought hit me of what do I do if my folks just show up without giving me any warning. I think I may have sort of blanked out there for a bit. I had these horrible visions but came too with Nicholas in my face going, "Moooom?? Don't worry I'll cause a diversion and the grandmas will duke it out." Sadly, this started a whole conversation of who's mom would win.
Wonder what normal people do with their free time?
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday started off with a bang. I ditched the guys and went to see Joyce Meyer live!
At least that was the plan.
Turns out people had been camping out at the doors since 2 and the doors didn't open until 5. We walked through the doors at like 5:15 and the main place was already packed and they were telling people to go to ONE of the overflow rooms.
So we got to watch Joyce on 3 big screens. While we were feeling disappointment over it, we pressed on. It didn't start until 7 pm and by this time it was only 6. We were sitting there talking away when the chairs around us started filling up. As someone who has junk in her trunk, and just about everywhere else, you try really hard when scootching in a row of seats not to step on people's toes or have any part of your body touch anyone else. While this isn't always avoidable - you at least make the effort.
Someone needed to tell that to the gal who will forever remain big booty Rudy. She faced the people in the row she was trying to get in but her bootay was hanging waaay over the chairs that just happened to have people in it. Like me. I kid you not - this was the firmest butt I have ever been smacked upside the head with. She really should stop her buns of steal routine because I thought for sure she was going to knock me clean off the chair.
Holy butt batman!!
The sad thing is this didn't happened just once. Rudy had to butt-beat her way in the row and then butt-beat her way back out as she wanted to get some food. Yes, Rudy keep your strength up - goodness knows you took out about 5 women and that was just our row. Wonder what she did in those food lines with that thing?
How she had a ghetto booty with not much on the frame was a surprise. It's when Rudy was so stinking rude to butt-beat her way in that row like 7 times is when I started making the big booty Rudy comments. The women behind me heard me and snickered.
I got to work on that volume control.
We did get so tired of getting butt slapped that we were very quick to sit forward anytime someone got near our row. Sort of wished we would have had an alarm system to warn us. She had to have felt her butt slamming into all of us and had to have heard the gasps of pain.
I guess it was better to smack someone you didn't have to sit next to.
Praise and music kicked in and it was pretty cool to see a room full of people worshipping God. Been a long time to see a room full of people that will worship instead of just standing around. Gal in front of me was just too stinking cute to watch worship. This gal was on fi-yah for God. Was surprised that at the end when Joyce prayed to get saved she and her mom prayed to get saved. Her mom was shaking like a leaf.
I have to give credit to this mega church. I was sitting there thinking there is no way anyone would even know if you exsisted in this mini-city. But a lot of the staff came over to this gal and her mom to give her a hug. Thought that was pretty cool.
And Joyce NEVER disappoints. She was talking about peace and just hammered a few thing home for me. Stuff like if you are trying to figure it all out then you will be frustrated and won't have any peace.
You don't say.
Very good stuff. And that is all I'm going to say about that for now.
Saturday rolled around and Kerri and I finally got to go have some McTalking time to do our bible study. Sunday after our bible study with the boys, I crashed.
Lot of cool stuff just coming together. I know our family is going through a time of healing right now so it's just pretty cool to see it all coming together.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
If you've been to this blog more than once, than you figured out real quick I march to a different drum beat. One that may, or may not, be a bit off the norm at any given time.
I had a blog post all set to go when I got a big STOP. I didn't think it was that big of a deal as I had posted something about it on my profile on facebook. The more I tappity-tapped away the more uneasy I felt. So much so that I could not hit publish.
It was a wally world post and yes, there was gas involved. Why this post should cause me to pause I'm not sure. But really felt like God told me to be considerate of the boys' feelings. Say what? This is my place to vent! There are so many times I am on my good behavior in front of them as I don't want to be the example for the day of how not to be - again. While I spend a lot of time on that list - for some reason I felt this was different.
Fast forward to lunch time, we're all sitting around and I asked them about what I said and if it bothered them. Oh yes it did! I went on to tell them about the blog post - even read it to them - they were not amused and did NOT find it funny nor gave me permission to use any of it. Especially one part where I said someone needs to now shave as 3 fu-man-chu hairs are growing off his chin. I begged to add that part as I find it funny. He didn't.
Um, do me a fav and strike that last part out.
I even told them that for me it is hitting me like a ton of bricks how fast time is slipping by. I find it both fascinating and frightening to watch them morph into manhood. They aren't cutting me any slack.
That's some of the reason April as been a lean blog month. There are things I would like to blog about but I'm trying to find that line. Plus, where is it my right as a parent and their right as an individual? Most of the time I would say screw it - I've had to survive this circus and if this is how I cope, so be it. But for some reason, this time I was told not to and I do want to respect that.
Sort of interesting timing too as just a few weeks ago I ended up reading a few other blog posts about other bloggers running into this problem. We're proud of our kids, we love them dearly, yet they drive us nuts and sometimes this is an evil way at revenge.
I don't want to emotionally scar them any more than what I normally do soooo....
Any suggestions on what to blog about now??
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
When we last left our heroine, she was in the middle of a battle trying to conquer all things that stink. One should weep with laughter at the irony that she lives with 4 guys. But the battle was put on hold for another battle. An epic battle of Monopoly. The fighting has been intense. For days this battle has been going on.
The first round I won and I'm still shocked over it. Why you ask? Because I never won before. I now think that my brother probably cheated a few times. Or I finally understand strategy. Maybe a bit of a toss up on that one.
The funny part was Nicholas was so peeved about the whole thing that he was just stewing over it. I suggested another round the next day which he jumped all over it. Battle number 2 took me right out as I was the first one to bite the dust. But their Dad ended up being the champ on that one.
Today he was still stewing over it. Not as bad but you could still see it in the sneer which kept popping up. So when dinner was over you could tell it was on. I looked over at him and slightly raised an eyebrow. I swear I heard some sort of theme song that had the tumbleweed blow across the room.
Darn dust bunnies.
He looked back and gave a nod of approval. He then asked his Dad. Feeling smug from his victory the day before, said yes. He was also the first one to get blown out of the water. Michael was next to go. I thought I had a shot at hanging in there but the evil chance card killed that thought. Advance to boardwalk and it was all over for me. N had put a hotel on it and rent was 2000. Wiped me right out.
Then it took Nicholas and Jared 2 hours to duke it out. I will give J credit - he only had 1 monopoly. With N taking everyone else out - he owned the board. J was able to get hotels on his stuff and just when you think it was all over - bam! he was back on top. I was worried a couple of times N was going to lose it. He finally said enough of this and put houses on everything else and ended up using all the hotels. Needless to say Jared was toast.
There is now peace in the land. At least until I tell them they have to help me make a grocery list. You would think with as much food as these guys eat they would have all kinds of helpful suggestions on what they want or at least willing to eat.
Bet my Mom put some sort of whammy on me as I didn't help her with the grocery list either when I was a kid.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Do you remember last winter how cold it was that I complained, repeatedly, how my washing machine would end up with frozen pipes thus leaving me unable to battle the stench of mount laundry? Hubby did end up having to fix the hose and the battle continued. Only to be taken out again at a later date.
Seems like dearest sort of broke the dispenser while fixing the problem. Picture me looking at him, stating more than asking, "let me get this straight - in fixing the problem you broke it causing another problem?" The look told me yeah but never fear he would sort of fix it.
Fast forward to a couple months ago when the washing machine started to leak. Nothing major but call me picky as I didn't think appliances should pee all over the floor. This went on for a while. I informed hero about it. Hubby looked at it, FIL looked at it. All shrugged their shoulders.
The puddles continued.
Enter last week - where I mentioned every.single.day how Lake Erie was starting to get bigger. Hubs finally had enough, of my complaining, and took the thing apart and found the problem. But it left me a couple days without a washing machine until he got the parts needed. Yesterday evening as soon as he got home, he fixed it.
And there was much rejoicing in the land. Until I realized that there is a lot of laundry to do. Yay! I think. But Hubby is back to hero status.
Few weeks ago, I said enough was enough and took the spawn out for some new threads. I had a Kohl's coupon for 15% off everything and I just so happened to go on a tax free day, not to mention we hit the clearance rack. When I checked out, it said I saved almost $300 which is pretty cool when you figure I only spent $135. Looking at the amount of clothes we got that was an epic score. My MIL would be so proud.
I did have a lot of fun with the guys telling then to go look at stuff. Older boys are at that weird in between stage. For example they take a men's small in shirts but M still needs jeans in the kids area verses N is in men's jeans. Dude has always been an inch taller. We're not sure if we'll call him long legs or bottomless pit.
This means I've had to go through all their clothes and do the 'no way can you wear that any more'. The worst one is J. He loves hand-me-downs. Thank goodness. He's had his pick of whatever and has the most clothes as he gets two of everything. He's hit the chubby stage which is weird when you consider he hardly eats anything. Mark my words, I bet that boy is going to be well over 6 ft. Needless to say, what he wore last year isn't going to fit this year.
We had this huge bag of clothes to take to Goodwill but hadn't had the chance to take it. After going through J's stuff the bag grew. Hubby ended up carting off 2 big bags of stuff. Hooray!
Less junk, washing machine is humming away, and no lakes to wade through to get to it. Not too bad in the ongoing battle of laundry blues.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
I haven't had much to say lately. This has caused shock and alarm from a few people who know me and I got a few emails wanting to know if I did myself in. As if. Y'all can't rid of me that easy.
I don't know what it is. Every time I pull up ye olde blog, my brain just goes yeah don't think so and I'm suddenly super tired. Not to mention that some nights I'm just not in the mood to go there. Don't feel like sharing what has been going on or what has been going through my head. Plus I've had a few nights where I've been Skyping away with my cousin. Sort of weird. Makes me want to be around family yet not.
Not much else has been going on to really blog about. Boys are still making way with their school work, I've been reading a lot and just spending a lot of time with God. Trying to hear from Him and to get answers. Also trying to avoid people so I don't have to get asked for the millionth time what is going on with the house, have we found a church yet, what are we going to do etc. That is just a whole wad of emotions that I don't feel like going there. I've been pestering God on all those questions and haven't gotten an answer yet or any direction. To get asked the very questions I've been asking doesn't always set too well. So some days are just great and some days are just frustrating.
And that is where I'm at right now. Not very exciting or very blog worthy.
Monday, April 12, 2010
That pretty much sums up the last couple weeks. Certainly feels like I've gone from one thing to the next with few breaks in between. It feels like I'm still trying to recover - still feel weak and stairs just about do me in. I hate that feeling. I do, however, have an appreciation for my van now and make sure it's not low on oil.
My folks came up for the weekend. Surprised me. It went well. Both Mom and I avoided a few hot topics that we sort of got into the previous week after the baby shower. My Dad kept saying Mom and I should go to the Joyce Meyer conference together and spend the day with each other. Um, okay. Weird.
When I asked Hubby about it he said my Dad is trying to get us to have a relationship. I said I really didn't feel like spending a day with her discussing all the ways my brother has been wrong and how she is still going to fight stuff blah, blah, blah - eyes glaze over from lack of caring. That is all she can talk about for the most part. If I want that type of boredom, I'll ask one of my kids about some bionicle. That is more interesting.
Not sure about spending alone time with my Mom in public. That has all kinds of warning signs written all over it. Then again it could go fine, just not too sure.
But we did get them to go through some boxes and that is always good. They took a few and we pitched a few stuff. Got a couple more boxes shoved in the garage sale part. That ought to be interesting. Neither Hubby or I have ever done one. Not even sure what is required.
Why yes, we are that pathetic. Thanks for mentioning it.
I did noticed that Jared was all over my Mom. He sat next to her almost the entire time. She's making another baby blanket. A cousin on my Dad's side is expecting a boy. So while Mom was working on the blanket, Jared sat next to her and told her how much he loves reading Encyclopedia Brown and Calvin and Hobbs. They chatted away.
It was really cute to watch. You could see this big old sigh in him that this is what has been missing for a long time. Which really made me want to smack my folks for all the pain and lack they've caused in my kids' lives. Yeah, I'm working on that. Rome wasn't build in a day and all.
Still no clue what we are going to do regarding the house. We have all been praying about stuff and on the house we feel equally divided. Part of me wants to stay and an equal part wants to leave. Really hoping to get a clear direction from God on that one cuz we're all feeling stumped. We've put too much into this place to just walk away. However, there are some serious issues that need fixed that our beyond our realm of fixing.
In other news, my boys crack me up. They are just funny and so insightful on stuff and I know that no matter what comes their way - they are still better people than I am. I feel like I can almost say goal achieved. The paranoid part says lets survive the next few years before I start tootin' my own horn.
Still haven't found my blogging mojo yet. I blame this sudden deep desire for sleep and lack of giving a rat's butt to really say anything.
Friday, April 9, 2010
So I got a few emails asking me what the hey is wrong with me for not blogging. Sadly, I could not devote enough time to that subject and just said really nothing has been wrong just haven't felt like blogging.
Not sure if I should take my temperature or what.
It's not that things are bad - far from it. Had some great days with the guys lately, took them shopping and got some good deals on clothes. Still trying to get over this hack. No clue where we are at with a lot of things. But when it comes time to blog, I'm just tired and can't come up with anything. Nothing is there. Right now, I'm really watching Ace of Cakes and just typing this on commercials.
This does not make a good blog post.
Actually, you can blame my cousin as we've been skyping away with each other. So by the time we're done talking, I'm tired and ready for bed.
I've had a really good blog post that was brewing in my head all day but now I can not remember a single thing. Dang it.
I don't know - it's been fun talking to a relative that just sort of gets it. When I was with my folks, we were driving around town and I was having my earliest memories come floating back to the surface. Makes me really miss family.
My folks did drop enough hints that we should move closer to them. Yeah, I'm not even that nuts. They insisted I bring home a newspaper for Hubby to look through the want ads. I had to laugh as that so isn't happening.
Then I got an email from my MIL saying we could come live with them for a while until we can get back on our feet.
Um, thanks but no.
Then my FIL called later that night. Me, being evil, handed the phone to Hubby dear when I saw the phone number pop up. I knew what was coming and I so wasn't going to be the one to say golly gee that's nice of you but no. I already did that with my folks earlier so I think I fulfilled the bursting one's parents bubble quota for the week.
Is it wrong that I handed him the phone and said, "Toe pick!" and ran out of the room laughing? Really??? Huh. Oh well.
I'm not really sure I want to go to bed as he was telling me I will pay for my treachery. I ain't skert - he should be in a deep REM cycle by now.
But I will try to get some form of my blogging mojo back. Some way, some how.