Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Blah

It was not a good day. I don't know if it is a full moon out or what the deal is but angst has been in the air. At least from me.

The computer refused to print out my grocery chart so I could make my grocery list because the dreaded time of loading of the carts is upon us. Just had several things not go according to plan and just sort of put me in a foul mood.

I know, I know - big shock from the normal.

It was just one of those days were I was like blow it all to hell. One thing after another kept piling up. My Mom is fruitin' out over making relish. She wants us to do it together. Which I've now grown accustom to mean I pay for all the ingredients, do all the work while she stands around and tells me how I didn't do it right and waltz out the door with a case of it.

I do remember as she's pulled this before.

Hubby is sort of working, sort of not. Personally, I'm getting a wee bit nervous over the whole thing. There was talk today that there may be a cut in pay. Seriously?? You want dude to do same amount of work for less pay? What he's bringing home now barely covers groceries and the utilities. So much for saving money.

This is just not setting well with me. We don't know from day to day if he's going to work. We had plans and then those plans get crapped on and then we're left wondering now what? I got a pep-talk from a friend of mine telling me that everything will be okay as she went off to Disney World. Yeah, glad it's okay in your world but that isn't what I have on my plate.

While I was on the phone, Jared came up and handed me part of a baby tooth. Not good. We don't have health insurance, or see a dentist or doctor on any regular schedule. Try never. This is the second time it broke in like a couple days. Now there is a small chunk of old tooth left but up in the gum and I can't get it out. I will be calling the dentist to see how fast they can get him in. I have this annoying feeling it's going to be at the same time I have something else going on for someone else.

Dang. Dang. Double dang.

In other TMI news, I tried 1 of those Fiber One frozen muffins. They are actually not as bad as what I thought they would be but word to the wise, it may give your butt the dry heaves. Just saying. I at least got to finish a book I was reading with all that quality time in the bathroom. I think my legs are still asleep.

The guys have been steering clear of me cuz I was sort of on the war path. I was on the phone with Hubby venting when J dropped a Nerf thing and it crashed to the floor. It was the 5th time he did this in under 10 minutes. I totally lost it. Screw Calgon, give me a vehicle that will not stall out if I travel more than 10 minutes away from home.

Just been a rough year and when you have a day or 3 that just go all wonky - amps up the hey this was a sucky year kind of feeling. Grr! Hate that feeling.

On top of that, it seems like ya'll have a life and have no time for blogging any more. I have like zero traffic right now which just adds to the feeling of where did everybody go?? And why do I do this?

I'm now hoping auntie flo is in for a visit cuz my emotions are just raw and ugly. Makes for a bad blog post but then again, it's not like I put out award winning stuff either.

I would like to thank the Academy Awards of Sarcasm for finally recognizing my potential - that thing which my mother accused me of never reaching. Goodness knows, I've spent years researching and practicing when that right zing moment would be.

Actually, that's not true. I usually blurt it out and then had to ask if I just said that out loud.

Bring.on.the.chocolate.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Captain's Log No. 345

All sense of time and schedule has been banished. No longer can I remember what date it is. Children have to stop and think when was the last time they took a shower. Husband person under foot at all times causing irrational outbursts. I'm coming to the conclusion that he is carting some form of styrofoam around on his person thus weakening my resolve to put up with all these guys.

The spawn are doing their own thing and surprisingly they are all getting along. Hooray for summer. The thing is I have yet to do anything I've been wanting to do. I'm slightly concerned that the moment - the hallelujah moment when I get to finally do what I want to do that will be the moment the utopia feelings of peace of quiet will end.

Some things just never change.

The thing that gets me about all this is I know I've spent most of their lives wanting a few moments to myself yet when it's time for them to spread their wings and take flight, I'll be the weepy one hanging onto their legs bawling just a few more years.

Oh irony, you are such a pain in the butt.

Speaking of...

Boys have been slightly complaining that I have been gone a lot lately. We've been hitting the movies a lot lately. Sort of takes the brain off the whole 'holy crap what are we going to do moments' that just seem to be floating around all the time. We have hit the jackpot on movies lately. Loved Iron Man2, A-Team, Toy Story 3 - Shrek 4 wasn't bad and saw Killers and it was a lot better than what I thought. Hubby and I went and saw Knight and Day with Tom Cruise. Oh my word, loved it!! It was so good I'm willing to take the guys just so I can see it again.


So at least we've had something fun we've been doing. Which is good because come the end of the year it's going to be a whole different story.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

To Infinity And Beyond

We had storms of biblical proportions last night. We were supposed to have more Noah like scenery Tuesday but didn't. Which sort of irks me because we could have done our outside plans but didn't because we thought it was going to rain. Now I hear Wednesday is going to be Noah-ish which will cancel the outside plans.

Thinking it was going to rain, we took the guys to see Toy Story 3. Loved it!! It was great and it lived up to all the hype. There was a moment where the mom walked into Andy's room and all his stuff was packed up and it just hits that he's leaving home and it's not going to be the same.

Sniff.

I will not say how many times I had to tell myself, "I'm not going to cry." I even restrained myself from patting the boys. Or hugging on them in public. Or begging them to not grow up. A statement I'm sure I would repeatedly slap myself for if they are still living at home and are in their 30s.


I got a kick out of Barbie and Ken. Oh Barbie. How we go way back. Played with her for years. I was so proud of myself first time I was able to get the plastic she devil dressed. I truly rejoiced when they could bend their knees. I had many a Barbie sleepover where we played well into the night.

I'm sure with counseling, I'll let go of my brother burning one at the stake. He said it wasn't want he was going for but didn't know the several bottle rockets strapped to her butt would not send her in the air but would just flambe her instead. How he got away with that lame excuse is still a mystery to me.

Whatever.

I will say seeing the Barbie Dream House did bring up a smidge of bitterness for me. No amount of begging, pleading, or any drama my little girl self tossed at my folks could break them down to get me the Barbie Dream House. It did not help that my Mom insisted I play with Julie - the daughter of one of her friends. She was an odd duck but I put up with it at first because she had just about every stupid thing Barbie slapped her name on.

It was Barbie utopia.

It was great for a while. I didn't figure it out at first that she was mocking me a bit. She liked to point out how much Barbie stuff I didn't have. My aunt sewed Barbie clothes and all my attempts to pass them off as 1 of a kind outfits did not go over at snobville.

After enduring yet another Barbie play session where my meager toys were mocked, I had a melt down. That Christmas my Dad got me a Barbie corvette - something that ticked my Mom off and something that what's-her-face didn't have and never got. My one ace in the hole. I was so ready for our next play time just for a bit of sweet in your face revenge.

What? I was like 8. Give me a break.

It never happened. We moved out of state and I didn't see her until years later. She was still a snob but never got that Barbie corvette.

But I lucked out. When all my friends were moving beyond Barbies - I got little cousins. So I graciously (wink, wink) played with them for years because I was such a nice cousin. None of my cousins had anything to do with me because they were soooo much older than me so it was either Barbie or sit in the corner and beat myself in the head repeatedly.

Goodness knows, I already had reasons for that as it was.

I think my Ken had a pretty sweet deal. 1 Ken, 5 Barbies, well 4 since Skipper doesn't count. Dude had it made. Except he had no wardrobe. I could not get him dressed and it didn't help that I ripped his formal pants so he was stuck in casual wear. Forever.

Anytime I watched the Toy Story movies, I would look at all the Lego pieces all over the place and start to get a bit skert that they were planning my doom. After all the times I have stepped on those instruments of destruction, I can confirm that they their plan was a success.

I did hear some good news. Bionicles have been discontinued. Woo hoo! But they'll be replaced by something else that strangely looks like Bionicles.

"Curse you plastic molds man."

Monday, June 21, 2010

I Survived!

Although I feel like I was run over with a mac truck. What could be so gruesome? The annual home school book sale was today and, yet again, it was packed. Picture a gym size room packed with tables full of stuff and then cram a bunch of people in there - with just fans to "cool" you off.

Thought I was going to die.

Hubby wasn't working so I forced him to come with me and we ditched the spawn. Cuz we're livin' on the edge. I got a bunch of books for not much. I kept yelling at Hubs "I need a dollar!" and I stopped making eye contact with him from all his teasing.

I am a bit peeved. The older 2 have a lot of classical books they need to read for Lit. I found a lady that had a truck load of cliff notes on several of the books I needed to get. Hubby dear said no as that would be cheating.

It was another moment in where I questioned why did he pick me.


Although he's never had to go several rounds with Nicholas on how much he'll fight reading. I've found if you tell him he needs to read it then he will refuse to do so. THAT he got from his dad NOT me. Hubby is, of course, denying it. Whatever. I can so get his mother to back me on this one.

In the end, I only got 1 cliff note book. I was bummed. But all in all, we got a lot of stuff for not a whole lot. Books on the cheap? As close to heaven as I can get. That and chocolate on demand...and not having to do any laundry or answer 500 question and...


You get my point.

Phooey. Just had a bunch of thunder go off and the lights flickers. Oh please, oh please, please don't let the lights go out. I won't be able to sleep if I don't have the fans and the air conditioner going. It's only a window unit but it's better than nothing.

Whoa! Looks like I better hop off.

Friday, June 18, 2010

I Have No Idea Why My Blog Posts Aren't Posting

Or some other lame-o excuse I can come up with.

I think my date stamp got out of whack or something. Don't know, don't care. And judging from the zero traffic I've had all week, chances are no else does either.

Tell me again, why do I blog??

I'm not even sure if my bro from another mo even reads this any more. And Gangsta Ninja may have totally given up on me.

Would not be the first person. Wait, that sounded a bit bitter. I would say all things are normal then.

I did get an email asking me to explain the Twitter comment.

The other night we were having tacos. We had extra flour tortillas so Hubby made them double deckers. He was spreading on the refried beans when Jared did his walk-by. He walks by to see whatever food is being made and decides if he's willing to eat any of it. He watched Hubs for a bit and asked what was it. Not even missing a beat, that man told my child it's Mexican peanut butter.

This did not go over well with J. He refused to try it.

I could not stop laughing. Tears, people. Tears of laughter.

Hours later I was still laughing about it. And I have no idea why. I hope this isn't an early sign of something more serious.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

And They Say Women Can't Make Up Their Minds

I'm not really sure who they are but whoever it is, I beg to differ cuz I can sort of make up my mind. And I'm now worried I sound like my Mom in the throws of a full blown conspiracy theory rant.

Anyhoo...

Hubby's truck has had some ish-yahs. It's been in the shop a few times now and we decided, what the hey lets finally pay that deductible and get the stinking windshield fixed. The tiny chip it came with turned into a crack, followed by another crack. Then a couple months ago on 1 of the few days Hubs worked, he got kersmacked with something and it was bad.

Calls were made, appointment was set up. New windshield was to be had. I will give these people credit, they came to us and sent us emails of what Larry the scary guy looks like and a reassurance that they screen for drugs from all their employees.

That was actually reassuring.

Dude even called to let Hubs know when to expect him. He was only 8 minutes late. The funny part is he used to work for a contractor that Hubs knew. Which that just screams all kinds of Run Forrest, run! Go find another job!

So I added that last part.

The guy was very nice and got r done. It looked like it wanted to rain the whole day but thankfully it didn't. Hubby recommends them - I just can't remember what the name of the company is. I'm so observant.

I can tell Hubby is happy to have Clifford, the big red truck, fixed up. I caught him paroozing for a new cap because I think even he's tired of the redneck cap he's sporting right now. We painted it a lot of years ago which is now starting to say adios. Clifford looks to be a bit confused. Pick a color and go with it already.

Speaking of confused. Our van is taking issues to a whole new level, much like it's owners. Hubby was vehicle shopping and wouldn't you know it, we found THEE one. Trouble with that is when we pray about it we don't get any peace. We pray about thee one and get a green light but get a red light for a loan. What the hey??? Anyone out there with some extra money shoved in their mattress thinking it's too full want to part with it?

Yeah, didn't think so.

I really, really, really hate all this limbo and lack of direction. My control freak butt likes to know what to expect and I hate to be sucker punched. Too bad life is a lot like getting sucker punched. Bam! Never see it coming.

Hubs called the lawyer to find out what is going on as we can't get a car loan until we have the discharge papers. Ok, got the papers the other day which means it is only a matter of time before the whole housing is going to be an issue. Then to hear no on the loan but yes to the vehicle has me scratching my head.

It doesn't help that I've been having massive hissy fits over Hubs' job and the lack of it, the lack of paycheck, the fact that we've had to live off our tax return money instead of saving money because the job is sucking. Toss in the vehicle issues and God telling us a different plan but zero on the details.....(pant, pant) it's been confusing to say the least.

I was talking with my oldest friend, something I remind her of often which now answers my question of why we don't talk as much. She pretty much read my mail and proceeded to slipper slap me upside the head. Repeatedly. She said I've always wrestled with abandonment issues and I need to keep reminding myself that God hasn't abandoned me. I won't repeat what I said but it went along the lines of prove it.

Yesterday we found out thee vehicle just sold. I was upset to say the least. Then Hubby comes home and the job they had - signed contract that was to last them the next 3 weeks taking him off of unemployment - got canceled. Looks like he'll be on unemployment a bit longer.

He has been looking for other work. It has just been a lot of closed doors, a lot of unknowns, and a lot of frustration.

And I'm trying not to panic as the clock is starting to tick.

Certainly feels like abandonment to me.

My folks sent me an email saying that they have been praying we would go through the refiners fire and this is something we need to go through. I really wish they would stop praying for me.

I Think I See A Pattern

Seems like every time we go camping, we end up buying a truck load of extra food. This isn't all bad as this cuts down on the grocery bill as I don't have to buy as much for later. Trouble with that is it seems that we get to this point where oh my gosh we don't have anything left!!

You do remember these guys think eating is a hobby, right? Imagine the drama of what do you mean there's nothing to snack on???

The horror.

This means we had to run to stuffmart last night for the loading of the carts. But it turns out I need to hit Sam's as well and a few other places. Whee. Can't you just hear the excitement in my writing?

Crickets chirping

The nice thing about going last night was the place was pretty empty compared to a Friday where you are playing bumper carts. Not 1 screaming kid. I got a little verklempt over it. On top of that not 1 stink bomb was let off.

Boys saved my bacon by reminding me that this weekend is Father's day. Hubs has totally killed my schedule and with the boys on break from school stuff, I couldn't tell you what day it is let alone what month. Looking at the amount of cards we ended up getting, it must be June. My FIL's b-day is right around Father's day so he gets double the cards.

I still wonder if I can get a job making evil Hallmark cards. I can dream, can't I?

I was glad the boys reminded me. And I think the only way they remembered is we were in the men's section picking out a few shirts for them. Vicious cycle - you feed them and they grow. I finally broke down and dragged them upstairs and we went through their clothes. Jared was in a horrible state of denial by wearing clothes that no longer fit.

Turns out the older 2 were hording a whole new wardrobe for J. Which is good because I emptied out all of his shirts and shorts. I think he only had 2 shirts that still fit. I now have a small mountain of clothes to get rid of. Jared gets double of everything so he can go almost 2 weeks without needing to do laundry. I'm sort of skert that we are setting that one up to be a clothes horse.

But the older 2 realized that gosh they have a lot of room in their draws. I think those two wish they were clothes horses. We have to keep telling them we'll buy a bit at a time. Stuffmart had men's T-shirts with a pocket, which is oh so handy for their clip on shades, marked down to $4.50. So they picked up 2 a piece.

We had a 5 minute mini argument that they couldn't get 2 of the same color. Michael only wants to wear navy blue and Nicholas now only wants to wear black or grey. I guess he turned to the dark side and has given up on green. Actually that's not true, he said it has to be the right shade of green.

Mercy!

Then again, I've heard the same thing from Michael. Not sure if it's a twin thing or they just like to see how many grey hairs they can make pop out on my head.

I did find him the right shade of green and it was only $6. Can't beat that. So I made him put the grey shirt back and now that I think about it M did managed to get 2 dark blue shirts. Stinker.

We did discover that Nicholas has my sense of direction - none. I can't find my way out of a wet paper bag and it seems N can't find his way around a stuffmart. Good think M knew where he was going or I'm not so sure N would have made it to the bathroom. Sheesh.

I did make Nicholas' day. We were standing there talking when it dawned on me that I'm having to look up just a hair at him. We got to laughing because at our house, depending on where you stand, the height is different. For example, I'm taller than him in the family room but shorter in the kitchen but only by the frig.

Got to love an old house - how ever long it's still ours.

So this on-going pattern of feeding them and they grow doesn't look like it's going to slow down anytime soon. I have to laugh about it because they were such short little runts for so long I sort of wonder how tall they'll get.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Weekend Flunderbuster

Why no, I have no clue what that means but that doesn't stop me from using a made up word.

The weekend has been a bit interesting. We took the boys to see the A-Team movie and oh my word it was awesome. If you sit through all the credits there are a couple extras that are tongue in cheek at the whole show. But I got to say, I loved it!

Saturday was sort of interesting as I was just in a full blown rant mode. Woke up on the wrong side of the bed so I was trying to get in a better mood. I was praying away and it quickly turned into a rant. And the kerpow moment is when I finally took a breath, a gasp of air ready for another full stream, I had the Holy Spirit interrupt me and tell me to go take an evening primrose oil pill. Dude! I just had God tell me to take a chill pill. Ouch.

I had to laugh about it. As sarcastic as I am and as snarky as I can be, that was a zinger and it was a good one. It didn't help that when I told Hubby, he laughed hysterically and tried to high five God and then went for the fist bump followed up by a chest bump.

Wonder if I remember how to short sheet a bed?

Then my Mom called later that day and she was sort of busting my butt over something. I'm not sure what it was about because she started choking on something and then swallowed wrong and had to get off the phone.

I love it when a plan comes together. And I didn't even plan that.

So after that we ended up surfing the TV looking for something to watch and I must say, I'm a bit disturbed by a few commercials. There is one that a guy takes his shirt off and paints on himself and I guess it's for meds for a heartburn. What sort of freaks me out is I think they spackled his bellybutton.

Eww.

And for the record he wasn't much to look at either. I guess it's a good thing they waxed him or the painting may have been a bit off. But the thing still creeps me out. Keep your shirt on and just point to pictures next time!

Then there is a commercial where this guy walks through an office saying you should try an energy drink. I find his voice so annoying I would like to punch him. Repeatedly. And I'm not a fan of the balling of the fist and causing pain, but for him I will make an exception. Or I'll use a bat so I don't cause myself pain.

Then there are some new shows for the summer. I saw this preview for this repo show and good gravy those people are scary. I'm not sure who lied to this lady but I'm thinking she's a bit too old for ponytails. And Tammy Faye make-up. Just saying. But at least it's a distraction from the rest of her.

I've learned 2 new words - tool and dill hole. I shall be working these words into everyday conversation. "Don't be such a tool and hand me the remote." I think this could work for me but it will only scar my children even more. Goodness knows I live for those moments. Revenge for all the other stuff they put me through. But they're too busy talking about how awesome the movie was so right now I could say anything and they wouldn't even notice.


Bonus.

I'm trying to convince Jared to watch a marathon of Toy Story cuz I can't wait for the 3rd one to come out and there are supposed to be sneak peeks. It's either I watch that or schlep through this horribly written chick book. Glad I got it for only $2 but it still hurts my brain to read it. Really hate it when I read a story and I know I could have done a better job. Because then I get all so why don't you already? Then I have to remind myself that while I'm much better than the crap I'm reading, I'm not as good as I would like to be. Ever read a book and you were totally changed by reading it? Now that is good. I'm not there. And I tend to ramble....sort of like this post.

Sigh

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Details

I'm thinking my brain is working against me. Or maybe it's just worn out. Nicholas has accused me of having special powers of reading his mind. It's called been there, done that, I know what you're up to kid.

It doesn't help when they jump in and interrupting every.single.thought.I ever had. Or even thought of having.

Where was I?

I was either amusing myself with spit bubbles or I was playing yet another round of Farmville. It may be a bit of both.

So I actually had a blog post rolling around in my head but sadly the guys have chased it off and I'm just left with the quivering part of the brain that gets easily distr....hey I found a penny!

You want a penny for my thought? Dang are you going to get screwed on this deal.

My thought for the day is I think my folks are rolling in guilt. Well, I think just my Dad. At least I hope he is. There was a graduation party this last weekend for a second cousin and since I've only seen the kid once, I didn't go. Mom had offered to let me ride down with them. Oh, could I really?? I told her I already had plans, I just left out the details of it being painting my toenails.

Minor detail.

Anyhoo, it has come to my attention, from more than one source, that my Dad ran around telling everyone who had ears that we are absolutely going to lose our house. Come again? Do you have insider information that I don't??

A bit of a side note on that. The mortgage company can't even talk to us let alone work out any plan or even kick our butts to the curb until the bankruptcy is discharged. I'm thinking an angel is sitting on the paperwork because it should have been processed by now. Hubs called the lawyer and while we never got a return phone call, I have heard that the courts are a bit backed up.

So we still don't know jack. Yet my Dad is running around telling everyone it is only a matter of months until we are totally screwed. Wow. Thanks for standing with us in prayer believing for a good outcome. And yet they say I'm the negative one???

I get a card today from my Dad. It went on to say he's been thinking about me. He sent me some money requesting I spend it on just me as God instructed him to bless me.

R-r-r-r-right!

Screams guilt to me.

Honestly, I'm not sure how to handle this. I told Hubby I just don't have the energy to deal with them anymore. I'm tired of getting attacked, I'm tired of having parents that one day want to beat me over the head with scripture and the next tell me I'm full of unbelief and fear. I am tired of all of it. The timing of it just frustrates me to boot.

Hubs and I have been trying to stay focused and in total unity as we are praying and seeking after God for directions on some things. Things that have thrown us both for a loop. I know both of us are very stuck on the details right now and to be honest, I'm having a very hard time seeing beyond those details.

I don't want distractions. I don't need distractions. I need some answers and being around people who speak out of both sides of their mouths does not help at all. All 5 of us have been on each other of watching what we're saying. I think the boys feel this is a new game and are keeping score that some days I totally suck at it.

Right now the detail of how is just one big wall of ruh-roh raggie. How is this going to happen and are you sure we heard you right???

But who needs details anyway? (Me) It's not like people really need them. (I do) Most people are able to just wing it. (My butt can't fly) Everything will work out and I just know someone from my group is going to say, "I just love it when a plan comes together."

You better believe we are going to see that movie, btw. I'm not sure when but it will happen. Mark my words.

Time For A Laugh

It seems my emotional eating has left me in a vat of salsa and chips. This leaves me no other choice but to post some jokes. I suggest you don't drink anything in case you spew it across the room. But then again, that usually makes my day so it's up to you.


A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest inquired.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed.


Then he thought for a moment. 'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying . . .that phrase in no time.'

'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence.

Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, 'Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!'

(I think that may be my fav)

DON'T MAKE A NURSE MAD
A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.


After about 20 minutes, the man's Doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confessed..... "Not with a Daffodil."


Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the Principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the Principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders".

Guess where I am now...

(No, that was not me as a child.)



Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal,
wood, stone, anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

Three young princes took up the challenge.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?
M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking??


A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had s*x before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some cond*m$. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about s*x.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.


The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'

The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'



Hope this gave you a good laugh!

Monday, June 7, 2010

When It Rains, It Pours

We had some pretty nasty storms over the weekend. I couldn't tell you because we slept through it all. Cuz that's how we roll around here.

I think it's now Monday. I can't be sure anymore. I think we're having too much family time together or something because yesterday I was ready to shove all 4 guys out the door and bolt it shut. Just frustrated over a lot of stuff and it didn't help that I got a double whammy of my Mom's opinion of I can't do anything right and my boys who think if I have to drop everything for them.

And yet they all say I'm the crazy one.

Hubs had to get a bunch of errands done and thankfully he took the older 2 with him. I hear they are going to Guitar Center which has turned into the new Chuck E. Cheese for the teenagers. Jared could care less so I'm sitting here watching 101 Dalmatians with him. This is after we played several games of Connect 4.

For the most part I don't mind, but just got a lot of unknowns right now and waiting, waiting, waiting for some answers. Certainly doesn't help the old mood. I'm trying not to be short fused but unfortunately, today, I'm just not able to doing it.

Wonder if I can put myself in time out?

Friday, June 4, 2010

Ugh

Ugh, I say. Just ugh. Oh blogging mojo - where have you gone?? I can't even come up with titles let alone blog posts.

I sit and stare at the computer screen and all my brain can come up with is zzzzz. My schedule is just all over the place and the blog is suffering for it. So sad. It's a really nice blog too. I hate to see it suffer so needlessly.

Not much going on. I got the boys all sheared, did some manscaping on them too. Kudos to them for taking it. Seems like they may have picked up my chewbacca gene. Um, they may find that last little bit a tad bit offensive sooo let's just pretend I didn't say anything about it.

My cousin got her care package. Made my day. It was funny to hear her response to all the stupid stuff I wrote on everything. Like I put on a box of swedish fish - just keep swimming. That's how I roll.

My Mom called and I think I need a mental health day. Or maybe a week. Or 4. I thought about beating myself in the head with a wooden mallet but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have much left over to do anything but drool. As tempting as that sounds, I really think I should just pass. Plan B, pull some chocolate out of hiding, make some sweet tea and get around to finding those darn ruby slippers.

Dianne, I'm with you. Rapture practice in 5 minutes?

1, 2, 3....jump! Dang! Try again.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Huh

I think the weekend's humidity cut the top off my head, scooped out part of my brain that has any chance at ambition, then ran away with it. Can't wait until it realizes it got a raw deal on that as I don't have much ambition to begin with.

The guys watched a marathon of the A-team. Hubby and I totally rocked out with the theme song. The boys wanted to know how come we know it so well. We were like, hello? we lived on this show.

I still have the theme song going through my head. I'm starting to whimper a bit cuz I can't stop myself.

Jared said he had a dream he was on the A-team. He was J.B.A. When we asked, he said Jared Bad Aim. He certainly has a point with that one. Those guys didn't hit much. Hubby had to point out that wasting a guy on TV wasn't kosher back in the day.

J found some old toy machine guns. He got Hubby to put knew batteries in them. I will fork stab him for that later.

J went running through the house singing the theme song hosing everything down. Michael didn't even miss a beat and said, "he's living the dream." Too funny.


We went to wally world last night for the loading of the carts. Since LOST is no more, I guess we have to do something with our Tuesdays now. McTalking is a no way on Tuesday nights as it's family night which means there are twice as many brats that are allowed to run free. So off to stuffmart it was. I'm not sure the wisdom of this because we weren't able to get our regular gal that checks us out super fast. Instead we got Skippy the wonder twit who has 2 speeds - extra slow and reboot.

The lady in front of us wanted to argue with the kid about something. I have no idea what was going on as I was at the end of our train so couldn't hear what the fuss was about. Nor could I drop 500 sarcastic comments (that anyone could hear).

I was so frustrated with this guy that by the time I got to the check out, I didn't even bother with my coupons. I could have saved $5 but was just this shy of going postal and wanted to get out of there before the eye twitching took over.

Took Hubby dear a while to talk me off the cliff. Which was good because we spent a lot of time just talking about some things and what all the future holds. He is freaking me out a little bit. I really do wonder what is in store for us. More importantly I wonder how it's all going to come together and just click.

All that rolling through my head made for some tossing and turning. I was just starting to drift off when we had some serious storms blow in. I've never seen flashes of light that bright before. It didn't help that the other night we watch the Left Behind movie so my half asleep brain was screaming this is the end!

Sort of a miracle I'm not medicated, huh?

All that rolling around in my head means I didn't get much sleep. Wonder if I can take a nap? Probably not. Nicholas informed me he needs a hair cut like now. I forgot I have nothing better to do than fulfill their every whim.