Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Post Where I Figure Out My Issues Have Issues

In other words - duh.

I think I am being stalked. No, I know I'm being stalked. It's almost to the point where zombies are trying to attack me. While they aren't after my brains, partly because they know I'm lacking in that department, what they are after is massive amounts of work on my part.

Oh yes, I have blogged, joked, whined and/or complained about the %*&^#!! relish but it's power is something to behold. And beholding is what most of these people are wanting to do.

Do they offer to help with the gathering of the supplies? No, not really. Except for the boys because they have no choice as I like to assert my "I'm in charge and I'm still slightly bitter at you for your toddlerhood so now is my chance at revenge" abilities I have been accused of possessing.

Good times.

Got to love teenage angst. If they only knew. I've been getting revenge on them for waaay longer than that. But that's neither here nor there.

I have no relatives that are close by. This isn't really that big of a deal to me because life has pretty much taught me that you can't count on people and the only ones that have my back are the people I've either birthed, and owe me, or the man I married who actually picked me, on purpose.

So what does this have to do with the price of tea in China? Suddenly word has gotten out about the relish on both sides of my egg and sperm donors families and requests and orders have been made.

I'll pause for a nano second as you figure out who's big mouth passed that info around. And no, it wasn't me. I'll also pause for a hair longer for you to figure out what I said about those requests and orders.

I have 1 aunt that has helped us out in the throws of gosh I wonder how I'm going to buy groceries so I did add some extra for her. She recently called and I missed it. I'm not sure if I should call back cuz I know questions of the cooked veggie goodness, aka relish, will be brought up. I just don't know if I can take this kind of pressure. I already have my Mom checking in daily on how is it all coming along. I did inform her that I'll get to it when I blooming get to it and if she honks me off any further I'll wait another 2 months just to be a pill.

It really is a wonder where I get my spirit and acid tongue from. At least that's her story and she's sticking to it.

She then asked if aunt flo was in for a visit. I blacked out after that but when I came to I was laying down on the couch with a washcloth over my face. Not sure if I tried to suffocate myself or if I was trying to hide - from life.

Funny thing about that - it doesn't work.

I've heard that so and so would like a jar or 7 and I told Mom whatever she felt like handing out of her stash was her call. She was slightly peeved that I even suggested it but I stood my ground that she's even lucky to get what she's getting. She reminded me that it's all her equipment that I'm using to which I said she could take it all back with her. She declined as she doesn't have the room but said she needs more than the 1 case.


I'm pretty sure the rest was sort of lost in translation. And possibly sign language.


But sadly, my own spawn are starting to turn on me and declared they really don't want to come along as I have to go hunt down like 12 huge bags of celery. I told them I need the muscle so man up. If they care for the goodness, than they were coming and if they gave me lip I would force them to write some How I Spent My Summer Vacation At Slave Camp. So far they are not amused.

For those of you new here, I am completely kidding.

I did, however, breakdown and did the unthinkable. I told them a "when I was your age story". Oh, the inhumanity!

The summer I was 14, I was forced to spend 2 weeks with my grandparents. I'm pretty sure I'm still repressing those memories. But now that I think about it, I've come to the conclusion why I am unable to make a point in a decent amount of time. It's genetics. I am genetically wired to think that it is normal to take 15 hours to make a point. And I'm the fast one on that side of the family.

I reassured my spawn I would not force that memory builder on them. They are ever so thankful and are more than happy to carry all these bags o' veggies for me. Although I'm not letting them cut up the veggies cuz I think it's just beyond parental responsibility to hand your teenage boys knives and say have at it.

My Mom did offer to help but that means I would be in a kitchen with her for 2 days with sharp instruments - together. I've already resigned myself that she is insisting on helping with the draining, cooking, and canning part. I'm pretty sure I'm not that strong of a person to endure 2 long days with her telling me all her untapped wisdom that she has recently discovered.

It really is a shame that all those alien abductions are no more cuz I'm sure she would have made a fine candidate. Although Hubby thinks she's the reason why the aliens have decided to stop that. Either that or they ran out of rednecks to test on which I highly doubt.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Crazy Storms

We've had some pretty nasty storms over the weekend. One night we're just sitting there and the sirens start going off. We turn on the local news and it says right where we are at needs to seek shelter NOW. Holy crap! They kept saying a tornado could touch down at any moment.

Jared about flipped out.

Our basement is pretty nasty. Stone walls, concrete floors - Michigan basement + dirt crawl space = spider monkey love heaven. We avoid the basement. Jared looks at me and pretty much says no stinking way is he going down there. I felt the same way.

Thankfully, we didn't feel the need to go. There wasn't anything major, thanks to praying like crazy. The lights flicked off but came right back on 4 times. Lot of flashes of light and only a couple nasty cracks of thunder.

All in time for this week. The week I'm supposed to make relish. The week my Mom is supposed to be coming up to "help". If you need me I may be trying to pickle myself.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

In Keeping With The Theme...

It really seems like women have been the guinea pigs of fashion. I mentioned the box of lies, as well as the dangers of waxing. High heels hasn't done women's feet any favors. I've mentioned a time or 20 that I look like a wounded hippo on stilts when wearing heels - part of why I avoid it.

On and on it goes. And yet we buy into it. Or at least I do.

I can say, after reading a recent book, I am so thankful we're not wearing corsets. They couldn't eat certain foods as they couldn't keep it down. What could cause such horrible tummy upsets? An apple! The whole area of women swooning? They were passing out from having their lungs constricted. In the book, the women had to have an 18 inch waist. One gal made it down to 16 but basically ended up dieing from it. According to the story it was the only way to keep their men at home rather than prowling around.

Oh mah gosh.

So dude is fooling around and you starve yourself to keep him home? Try a caste-iron frying pan and you smack him upside the head with it while he's sleeping. Once he regains consciousness, tell him there is more where that came from to help cure him of his prowling ways.

So where was I going with this? I think we need to have more awareness of holy crap don't do that to yourself. I'm a firm believer in friends don't let friends wax. I may be the only one out there that didn't know this but when getting fake nails done make sure you go to a salon NOT a storefront in the mall and/or stuffmart.

I was out and about with Kerri. One of the places we stopped at was to get her nails done. When she first mentioned it, I sat on my hands and said I'll pass as I had a bad experience. This shall be my acrylic awareness moment.

While there I was grilling asking the gal about a 5 bazillion questions. I wanted to know her thoughts on the Chinese torture I experienced. Literally was a torturous experience. The whole soak them in acetone didn't dissolve the "acrylic". Instead it gave off a horrible fish smell. It was like I gutted a fish with my fake nails.

I know, gross!!

And the stuff you get at stuffmart only removes nail polish and is very weak. Thought I would toss that out there. I guess Sally's is the place to get the good stuff. But I wasn't aware of Sally's and her goods of all things beauty. Instead I had stuffmart brand nail polish remover with fishy smelling hands.

Since it didn't work, I had to go back to the house of horrors to get the things removed. I wasn't prepared for what happened next. I thought the whole soak it was what was going to happen. Instead the guy pried them off!!! I almost passed out cold. It felt like he was using some sort of ancient torture technique that was passed down from his great-great granny. Guess her egg roll recipe wasn't worth passing along but she made high marks at the prying nails off competition. Bet her specialty was bamboo shoots in the nail bed.

I'm squirming just thinking about it.

While I'm sure some of you are tsking at my ignorance, I had no clue. Friend of mine told me, years later, that they don't use the right acrylic. It's a dental acrylic so when using acetone to try and remove the nail, it gives off the fish smell. I bet that's why they use those masks. They would probably use a haz-mat suite but figured it would alarm their customers. The fumes did help me forget how much money I paid for that torture as well as any and all useful information.

Minor detail.

But I was happy that nary a harmful chemical smell hit my delicate nostril senses while with Kerri. And the gal wasn't talking about me in another language so it was all good. I may go back and get my nails done. At least after the whole stupid relish episode is done. I don't think I should have very strong nails while working next to my mother. Just saying. Safety first.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Oh Box Of Lies, How You Disappoint

Hair - it is a woman's glory or so we're told. There is no need to do a show of hands of how our hair as rebelled against us. Nary a product, iron, or perm has been foolproof. Matter of fact, every perm has let me down.

Don't even get me started on the evils of Sun-in. They should have just put death in a bottle on the label. At least for brunettes. My natural hair is dark brown. Boring dark brown. Not a chocolate brown but this flat brown. Toss in the going gray early, and the fact that my hair is galloping off my head at a scary pace, I haven't stopped abusing my hair.

So I haven't really blogged about my hair enhancer known as Babbette - it is longer so it has the full name verses Babs cuz it's shorter. Anyhoo, I've been having issues of getting my hair the right color to blend with Babbette. I totally goofed on the color choice but hey the pictures they show of the color and the description aren't really spot on. So rather than try to change the Babbette, I'll just change the me.

Insert epic failure music.

I've done fried my hair. I did manage to get it a slightly toned down color but it was still fried. Lately the gray roots where getting to be a bit scary. I grabbed my go to gal - Lady Clairol, aka the box o' lies - only to be let down. Still trying to find that golden spot of color, I picked out a medium golden brown. Yeah, it turned out dark, dark brown. Pretty darn close to black. The only upside is that my hair is acting like hair instead of the straw it was behaving like.

But now when I wear Babbette, it looks like I have been giving myself swirlies in different vats of dye. Okay, it's not that bad but it could be.

I was eying a full on wig that is just sharp, super sassy, and short. I was seriously thinking of whacking off my real hair and going with this other one. The reason is the thought of putting a wig on in this horrible humid weather is enough to make me want to grab the clippers and sing some sort of freedom song. But I think not. I may just wear a beanie hat instead and stencil dork on my forehead.

But of course my hair is going to go all diva like and toss around drama like it's nothing. Must be from all the chemical fumes. That is my story and I'm sticking to it.

Monday, July 19, 2010

How Many Peppers Did Peter Picked?

Or something like that.

And it's not peppers it's zucchini. Good granny gracious, why, oh why, do I put myself through this every year?

I now have 25 cups of ground up zucchini. I have most of the peppers ground up and my freezer is getting too full. I still have more veggies to get and I'm still waiting to see if my Mom is going to bring up her jars or if I'll end up having to buy more.

According to everyone who has tried the relish it is wonderful. It better be for all the stinking work that goes into it. I know the guys appreciate it but....

Not much that is blog worthy has been going on lately, just been chillin with the guys. Makes for very boring blog posts.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Oh Wally World

Wally, wally, wally. I do understand that this episode of the Many Adventures of Wal-Mart isn't entirely your fault but I do have a few gripes against you. The pathetic cart I was forced to used and the lack of cashiers. Never fails. And the fastest cashier they have there, our favorite, has been stuck on the 10 items or less lanes for over a month. Leaving us with Skippy the cashier. You remember that he only has 2 speeds - slow and extra slow.

With the amount of money we spend there, I really was frustrated that we spent such a long time waiting to get checked out. While I do understand that this is how you keep the cost down, it was still annoying and Skippy should be on the 10 items or less cuz I'm pretty sure that is as far as he can count.

But it isn't their fault that there must be a full moon out because the freak-a-zoids were out in full force. It was very crowded for a Wednesday night. One of the reasons why we shop at night is to avoid the over and the crowding part especially when they are combined.

First off, I got the cart from hell. I'm pretty sure that these carts may be older than my children combined. Wait. That's older than me. Yeah, I'll stick to my theory. I've had carts that had one wheel that has locked up, probably from rust, and refused to move. I've had carts where the wheels can't seem to be going in the same direction at the same time. The one I had took the cake. Part of a wheel was melted! Melted I tell you, so it did this wonderful cla-clang every rotation of the wheel.

The eye twitch started to keep time with it. It wasn't pretty.

The frame of the cart scared me because I really did think some of the groceries where going to make a break for it and either just leap out or the thing would collapse sending it scattering all over the place. I think I heard a salad kit scream save yourselves! I knew if I had to give anyone the business end of the cart it would never make it. Thankfully the cart held it together and no bumper cart moves were used. Came close but cooler heads prevailed.

And that guy moved pretty quick.

However, the sites of the people that graced the place was something of an entirely different matter. I think I spotted at least 3 different men that had to be a direct descendant of Sasquatch.

Dudes! I know it is hot. I know it is humid. But if you have that much hair that the entire arm is encased in it, don't wear a tank top!! Wear a normal short sleeved shirt. Otherwise, you can not hold it against my spawn when they say - a bit too loudly - "You can even pet him too. So does that make him man's best friend cuz he's both the man and the pet?"

I was able to save my spawn by letting the eye twitch do the talking for me. Granted, the big bear did growl a bit but he did back off.

Sad to say, we are use to the scream offs by overtired kids. It wouldn't be a trip to stuffmart if there wasn't some serious vocal complaint. Now it was late and I get it that the little crumb crushers were tired but you tell the kid to knock it off. One dad thought it would be fun to keep his spawn all riled up. I was ready to start screaming and throwing things at this guy's goading.

I think I have met my biggest contender for Worst Parent Award. His meanness and deafness to the screams where something to behold. And that wasn't a compliment.

At one point Michael made eye contact with me and rolled his eyes. The guy saw it and said something snotty to my boy. I say my boy cuz I was ready to pull my shiv out and was prepared to cut the man. I now want a shirt that says, "I'll cut ya" complete with blood stains that I will only wear to stuffmart. I now think I need a shiv too - whatever that is.

Again, the eye twitch let it be known that I can survive jail and this seemed to work and jerk and his crew left our presence. No, I didn't say anything overly nasty but dirty looks where handed all the way around.

By this time we were dragging up to the cashiers where there were looong lines. There were only 4 lanes open and 2 of them were for limited items. As I said, our fav cashier was stuck on the express lane leaving Skippy. What didn't help was the next lane over some little girl pitched a rip-roaring fit. And it lasted forever because her parents, who were both there as well as grandma, did nothing about it. There we were, trapped in line desperately wanting to escape and unable to do so.

We finally get out of there and get to the van and it was just creepy. We had people circling around us eyeing the carts. I really wanted that shiv at this point. We've never had this problem before. I had my purse on me and baby-sat the other carts in case anyone of those yahoos thought of snagging a bag or 20 while Hubby did his magic of getting all that stuff in our tiny van.

Good times.

We had to head across the way to stuffmart's competitor for a few things that was needed. There was much temptation to just go home but we pressed on and that place was almost completely empty. Hallelujah! Got in, got out.

I wonder if I can convince the guys to go on a fast so we don't have to go through that again. I'm thinking no but I'll try.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I Don't Know If I Want A Nap Or Chocolate

The fact that this is a tie should be a concern for the masses. I'm not sure if it's the weather or what the deal is but my brain is not letting me sleep. I know you're thinking I'm jacked up on those fizzy drinks but that's not the case. I have more energy than the slow moving turtle I usually am but can not shut down the brain when it's time for snoozeville.

So sad. Especially since I've been getting so much stuff done lately that I should pass out the moment my head hits the pillow.

It doesn't help that we have a rabid mosquito flying around our room dive bombing my feet. And it's only my feet. Hubby sleeps closer to the window air conditioner so is wrapped up from head to toe shivering as the night progresses, oblivious to my tossing and turning. I would insert the word typical and said it with a slight sneer but I'm trying to work on that.

How's my driving? 1-800-KissMyArse!

Yeah, I don't think I passed that test today. But, I will prevail! And tomorrow is another day!!

Hubby was rather cute today. He got home from work and Mr. Postman brought him his new planner with planner type things and stuff. Him, and his inner geek, where in planner heaven. I was even able to keep my mockery in check.

Jared happened to walk by and said he often wondered what people used in ye olden days. I said he used to carve it in stone but the price of stone has gone up a lot so we switched to paper. Just when the child started to ask for reals, the other 2 laughed and gave me away.

I better stop it cuz my Mom did stuff like that to me all the time. Suddenly my lack of proper knowledge and it's source all makes sense now. Annnd I'm doing the same thing. Way to carry on the same sick tradition. I figure if the spawn are going to give me this amount of grief then I might as way make them pay for it. I'm pretty sure that's what my Mom said.

Hubby dear did take a moment out of his planning to ask me why the long face. I said I'm really having a hard time just enjoying the moment. All I have going through my head is stuff that I know is coming up and things that need to get done. I can't seem to settle my mind and just be in the moment and enjoy it. I'm constantly thinking what comes next and it is exhausting. I did tell him if he told me to just stop I would fork stab him to death in his sleep. He wisely didn't say anything along those lines. He did say he's having the same trouble.

Well cwap. Isn't one of us supposed to have their junk together??

Apparently not.

I have tried to do some me things, to have some me moments lately. They are more available in the summer than during the school year. Sort of feel like it's been waaaaay over due! Last week I read. I have taken over the kitchen table to scrapbook. But I was just thinking today I know I'm going to have to pack it up in another couple weeks so I can get the relish done or my Mom will not stop harassing me. Then I'll need to start planning stuff out for the boys' school stuff.

Oh school stuff, how I would so like to ignore you. Forever.

I just feel like summer is slipping away and we haven't really done much of anything. I don't count playing hey it's mine turn to stand in front of the air conditioner much fun.

I've been a bit disappointed that the guys haven't gone camping once because it's been too hot. No one has cried bigger tears over that than me over this tragedy. On top of that we haven't had any wood to send the boys out to chop and stack. It was really more for my benefit than theirs. This has left some short fuses. Mainly on my part. I'm trying to blame that as part of the detoxing. I'm not sure if they fully buy it.

It just dawned on me that my Mom will be up in few weeks to "help" make the blankity blank relish telling me how I don't do anything right and my spawn could be telling her how they so agree and she missed a few finer points.

Is this what they mean by sandwich generation or being an Oreo? Sort of stuck in the middle? I now feel very sorry for the poor cream filling and now want to set them free and twist off all the cookies that are squishing it and holding it in place. Darn you chocolate cookie!

Never did care for that part anyway.

I'm hoping I'll get some good sleep soon or I'm concern you may find me making a royal mess over in the corner singing something about freedom.

Monday, July 12, 2010

My Brain May Have Gone Back To Goo

I spent most of the weekend having Hubs give me the down low on all this stuff which I will answer in a second. My eyes may have glazed over a time or 20. What can I say? I have the attention span of a gnat.

Toss in some teenage angst and I just had a festive weekend. Shout out to Kerri for getting me out of the house and away from the guys for McTalking time. They have you to thank for being allowed to live another day.


So I have to answer a few questions about the whole Herbalife thing. Due to bloggy laws and what have you, I am not being paying me to say any of this - I'm just stating what my experience is. With that being said, if you just want to check out the products - maybe even order some of those Liftoff fizzy tabs or even check out their skin care products, go to Healthy Better Life Mall. It will ask for your email address and will immediately email you a password and you can check it out. This shows you all the products.

If, however, you are interested in losing weight then you'll want to go to Healthy Better Life site first. Reason being is it is important to know how tall are you and what you weigh simply so it can tailor make a plan. For instance, we found out I wasn't getting enough protein and once I had a bit of extra protein around 4 pm (as that is what works for me) it was all good in the hood. On top of that, there are 3 different programs you can use - all depends on how much weight you want to lose and how much you are willing to spend. It's not a diet per se, but it helps you set up goals and encouragement on how to achieve it.

I will say as someone who has barfed every brand of vitamin out there - I haven't tossed my cookies or even felt queasy once. I've also done shakes from a different brand and barfed those just as fast as I swallowed. Not so with these. Hubs has got some awesome shake recipes too. The apple pie shake has got to be my fav so far. I did find out I was detoxing a bit which is known to cause irritability. Would have been nice to know that before hand but hey we're learning this as we're taking it.

Sort of explains that rant about weight post. Yeah, we'll pretend that didn't happen.

But once I got past the first week, and have my protein snack, I feel great! We haven't tried even half of the products but what we have tried - they really are good products. They do have an ultimate program where you can lose 30 lbs in 30 days. Lots of tablets - more than what I'm taking right now as that's not the program I started on. I'm hoping to try that one out next month. We shall see.

So that is the skinny on that. I hoped that answered every one's questions. If not, you know how to reach me. I probably won't post much more on this though as I don't want to come off pushy or what have you and I don't know how to really advertise any of it anyway.

I did tell Hubby I want to make my own button. Something sassy like Kiss My Herbalife! Whatcha think?

Friday, July 9, 2010

Where We Go From Brain Goo To Brain Ooo

So on our wonderful new adventure where I try not to freak out - we have been trying some of the products of Herbalife. They have these tabs that you put in water and fizzes up. Oh my word! Forget power drinks. I was calling them power tabs. I think they're called Lift off tabs. I told Hubby he needs to buy a case of those suckers and just hand them out. I didn't feel jittery but my brain actually woke up and let me tell you that was sort of unusual for me.

Maybe I should apologize in advance to people if I hunt them down and force them to drink it? It's really good! They should have called it wake up juice.

Can I just say holy crap starting this thing up has taken more brain power than I own??? Thankfully this is Hubby's deal. I told him I would put the link to the website but it just shows weight loss stuff not all the products and wouldn't you know it, he's in bed and I have no clue if it's the right one blah, blah, blah. I have no clue what I am doing. It should be no surprise I am not a business person. I am just here for comic relief, people. Anything more than a chuckle, maybe a gut wrenching guffaw from me and you are just shopping at the wrong person.

Lets face it, you don't get award winning points for being the creative type nor for being a smart*ss but that is neither here nor there.

(I get emails asking why the * - it is because of the day of google. I really don't feel like having someone show up on my blog and spread their grossness all over it just from something I typed. Goodness knows I already get that as it is. Just from my blog title alone I get flagged for people who seem to have teeth bugs. Why are so many people having teeth bugs issues? Eww. Brush ya'll. So I guess this is my attempt to keep it clean.)

Now back to our regular scheduled nothing.

The hard thing is just time. My man is a bit stressed. And it doesn't help that his normal job is getting crappier by the day. They are getting under bid by people who are cutting corners that will null and void the warranty of the products. The boss man has some communication issues or lack of them and Hubs is taking the heat for it. He has had to go back to a job that has been the job from hell.

Ya'll he was freaking me out cuz there was a lot of talk of quitting and just packing up and getting out of dodge like right now. Except that actually takes money to get out of dodge. Who knew dodge was so flippin expensive to get out of?

But on the other side, Hubby is Mr. Organized. You may think you can organize but you can't come close. He can pack 20 pounds of crap in a 3 pound bag cuz he's that good. His inner geek is coming out in full force lately. I haven't seen him for quite a few years so it's been nice to see him again and completely reminded me why I mocked him every chance I got. But while these last few years haven't been great, I've watched God do something pretty great. For one, He got my husband's large head out of his tight little....eww a bug just flew by!

Where was I?

Anyhoo, we've sort of watched God just turn some things around and point us in another direction. One where I keep asking are You sure?? Personally, it feels like I was on the merry-go-round a few rounds too many and right now I just want to puke.

Keeping it real, peeps.

So hopefully I will get his website up soon and when I get my hands on the fizzy stuff I will be hunting peeps down because I think that has got to be the best stuff ever.

While I've had my doubts, I can say I do feel better using their stuff. At least I would if I could just overlook how much crap we have going on - all at once - and feeling really stressed over a lot of stuff that I'm sure I'll blog about once I stop wringing my hands with worry over. What dear? They have a supplement for stress?? Um, you may need to hook me up. Better yet, just bathe me in the stuff.

Gurgle, gurgle

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

So Hot It's Africa Hot

I would like to post something funny today but sadly my brain has melted into a pile of goo. I can't think straight, my kids have hopped up and down on the last nerve to the point that I've tried to put myself in time out - like all day.

So far, no such luck.

We only have 3 air conditioner window units. The 1 downstairs can't keep up - at all. We make sure the bedrooms are nice and cool once evening rolls around. We try to close off the living room to make that room cooler but lately it is only slightly less sticky.

Heavy on the slightly.

And it's been in the 90s all week. Very humid and just yuck.

Hubby came home early the other day looking about half dead. We are just a pile of goo right now. And I can't think of anything to say. How odd.

I should be doing laundry but it's too hot to run the dryer and I tried to say I quit as far as cooking goes but no one is buying it. It was worth a shot.

Everyone is trying to get us to move farther south. Friend of mine has been telling me we should come down to visit - in Texas. I'm thinking no. She said the only way to survive is central air. That would be nice but I'm still not going. I have a cousin in Texas and I hear that there are all kinds of jobs opening up down there.

Still not going.

I am a delicate flower - I'm like chocolate, I would so melt and then it would just be gross.

Besides the van would blow up in protest, I'm sure of it.

Not much going on right now. Think I'll go crawl into the freezer to try and cool off.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Heads Up

Again, sorry to send out emails to some of my bloggy peeps - part of Hubby's training I guess. If I understand this right, he's starting his own online business selling Herbalife. We've been taking the stuff for over a week and dude lost 5 pounds. I've lost 2.

I hate him, just so you know.

But we have got to do something different. When there is talk of huge pay cuts - not good. Here's hoping this can bring in extra while we're still waiting on directions on what to do next.

To the peeps that got the email - it's just a link to a video about the products. Hopefully he won't have to do that again or people may start lobbing tomatoes at me.

No pressure.

The hard thing is now I feel all this pressure. Hubby is excited about this - can't say that I am. I am so jaded and skeptical it's not even funny. I know he'll drop weight and will probably do fine. Me, on the hand, is a whole different ball of wax. Do I feel better after taking this stuff? Yes. But I'm looking at my desire for the candy bar is out weighing the desire to lose weight and feeling better. And no pill has cured that as far as I'm aware of.

Emotional eating has been my family tradition going back hundreds of years - I'm almost positive of it.

So now it's not just a matter of weight - it's some other emotions to battle as well. Do I need to remind anyone that I keep the inner b*tch distracted with a bag of cookies?

I'm not all that comfortable of saying hey I'm doing something different. Because now it's out there. I would rather do it quietly, on the sly, that way if I fail or have a set back no one knows about it. Questions like, "Hey how's that diet thing going for you? How many pounds have you lost?" I really hate those because all it says to me is oh look, something else you've failed at. I went through that before and had people judge me week by week if I lost any more weight or ran into someone who said hey I heard you were on a diet and give you the head to toe look.

Shoot me now.

Awkward to say the least. But knowing I would face the firing squad didn't stop the midnight snacking. Because I come to the wall and when I hit it, there is no going around it. No pill, no diet, has fixed the pain. Sadly, that lie of the slice of pie, or what have you, that can put a pause button on the pain and you know that pie won't tell you to buzz off or be too busy for you.

I've gone through a lot of sh*t in my life. I feel like I'm just trying to survive so I can get off this mud ball and go home. Maybe there will be a glimmer of joy here, a bit of peace over this or that, but all and all I can't say life has been a great ride. I may not have the finer things in life but I can have a brownie with ice cream and hot fudge sauce thankyouverymuch.

Great. Another railway on the train wreck waiting to happen. Well, if nothing else it will give me more blog fodder. Pardon me while I slink off to go hide in the corner.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Happy Birthday America

May you not forget what you were founded on.


If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!!

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, 'GOD if you are real then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly
15 min.'

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting.'

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What in the world is the matter with you? 'Why did you do that?'

The Marine calmly replied, 'GOD was too busy today protecting American soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me.'

The classroom erupted in cheers!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Oh My Word

I ended up spending the day in one waiting room after another. I read several magazines. The ads were far and wide. But the one that took the cake had to be the one where there is a chick in a sparkly dress standing with her legs apart, hands on hips, and giving the stank eye at the camera. The title says, "You've never been told to grow a pair" and gives this little bit about having confidence.

Guess what the product was for?

Give up?

Summer's Eve.


I can't say I've had an extra spring in my step and ready to give the world hell after using their product. Call me crazy but if you need their product to give you confidence then you may want to shower more and that should help with all kinds of confidence.

Me, being me, and slightly bored, let my mind go to the dark corners of my brain and started to wonder what would happen if they put menthol in it. Would that give you the holy hannah confidence this chick was sporting? Or would it turn you into some she-beast that is scooting across the floor trying to put the fire out? Or would it give a nice tingly feeling that would make you attack your man first chance you got?

My mind should not be left alone.

I would like to tell you I had a wally world post that would give you a chuckle. Sadly, there is none and I can tell you I am so grateful. Gangsta Ninja suggested I go to a site called people of walmart. If you haven't been to this site before, I recommend you don't eat - for a week. I may, or may not, have barfed a bit in my mouth after viewing some of these pictures. I think I'm still scarred over the DUDE with the balding head but long hair wearing short pink shorts and a pink shirt - with flowers - and pink go-go boots. Who knew hookers r us would sell their stuff to anyone?

All I can say is at least that guy was covered - can't say that about a lot of the others. Which makes me realize that our wally world really isn't that bad. Sure there are the odd ducks but nothing, and I mean nothing, compared to what has been photographed at those stores.

Which makes me think of this joke that I will leave you with. No, don't thank me - you'll be trying to get the image out of your head all day.


Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

Oh, come on! You know you laughed.