Thursday, July 1, 2010

Oh My Word

I ended up spending the day in one waiting room after another. I read several magazines. The ads were far and wide. But the one that took the cake had to be the one where there is a chick in a sparkly dress standing with her legs apart, hands on hips, and giving the stank eye at the camera. The title says, "You've never been told to grow a pair" and gives this little bit about having confidence.

Guess what the product was for?

Give up?

Summer's Eve.

Ewww!

I can't say I've had an extra spring in my step and ready to give the world hell after using their product. Call me crazy but if you need their product to give you confidence then you may want to shower more and that should help with all kinds of confidence.

Me, being me, and slightly bored, let my mind go to the dark corners of my brain and started to wonder what would happen if they put menthol in it. Would that give you the holy hannah confidence this chick was sporting? Or would it turn you into some she-beast that is scooting across the floor trying to put the fire out? Or would it give a nice tingly feeling that would make you attack your man first chance you got?

My mind should not be left alone.

I would like to tell you I had a wally world post that would give you a chuckle. Sadly, there is none and I can tell you I am so grateful. Gangsta Ninja suggested I go to a site called people of walmart. If you haven't been to this site before, I recommend you don't eat - for a week. I may, or may not, have barfed a bit in my mouth after viewing some of these pictures. I think I'm still scarred over the DUDE with the balding head but long hair wearing short pink shorts and a pink shirt - with flowers - and pink go-go boots. Who knew hookers r us would sell their stuff to anyone?

All I can say is at least that guy was covered - can't say that about a lot of the others. Which makes me realize that our wally world really isn't that bad. Sure there are the odd ducks but nothing, and I mean nothing, compared to what has been photographed at those stores.

Which makes me think of this joke that I will leave you with. No, don't thank me - you'll be trying to get the image out of your head all day.

NEVER CHOKE IN A RESTAURANT IN THE SOUTH!

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'


Oh, come on! You know you laughed.

8 comments:

Dianne said...

That's how we roll down here in the South.

Kerri said...

Ar Ar Ar.
Thanks again for yesterday. Sorry you were accosted by a douche!

Julie said...

I admit it... I laughed. *lol*

Still laughing. :)

http://scrapgrrl.com

Lorraine said...

Oh Joanna! I love the way your mind works and the way your fingers give voice to what is rattling around in there!! The menthol musings had me ROTFL!! OK, not really, I'm still in my chair, but the potential was there!

rthling said...

"scooting across the floor trying to put the fire out"
Thought I was gonna fall out!
PS. Beware the people of walmart website. I picked up a virus from it.
...and last but not least...
LOL @ Kerri.

Joanna said...

Thanks Lorraine!

Young Wife said...

Menthol?! Ha! What a weird ad.

jubilee said...

Oh my. Oh, oh my. I don't know which was worse. The joke or the thought of menthol anywhere near there. Ick. :)