Thursday, July 15, 2010

Oh Wally World

Wally, wally, wally. I do understand that this episode of the Many Adventures of Wal-Mart isn't entirely your fault but I do have a few gripes against you. The pathetic cart I was forced to used and the lack of cashiers. Never fails. And the fastest cashier they have there, our favorite, has been stuck on the 10 items or less lanes for over a month. Leaving us with Skippy the cashier. You remember that he only has 2 speeds - slow and extra slow.

With the amount of money we spend there, I really was frustrated that we spent such a long time waiting to get checked out. While I do understand that this is how you keep the cost down, it was still annoying and Skippy should be on the 10 items or less cuz I'm pretty sure that is as far as he can count.

But it isn't their fault that there must be a full moon out because the freak-a-zoids were out in full force. It was very crowded for a Wednesday night. One of the reasons why we shop at night is to avoid the over and the crowding part especially when they are combined.

First off, I got the cart from hell. I'm pretty sure that these carts may be older than my children combined. Wait. That's older than me. Yeah, I'll stick to my theory. I've had carts that had one wheel that has locked up, probably from rust, and refused to move. I've had carts where the wheels can't seem to be going in the same direction at the same time. The one I had took the cake. Part of a wheel was melted! Melted I tell you, so it did this wonderful cla-clang every rotation of the wheel.

The eye twitch started to keep time with it. It wasn't pretty.

The frame of the cart scared me because I really did think some of the groceries where going to make a break for it and either just leap out or the thing would collapse sending it scattering all over the place. I think I heard a salad kit scream save yourselves! I knew if I had to give anyone the business end of the cart it would never make it. Thankfully the cart held it together and no bumper cart moves were used. Came close but cooler heads prevailed.

And that guy moved pretty quick.

However, the sites of the people that graced the place was something of an entirely different matter. I think I spotted at least 3 different men that had to be a direct descendant of Sasquatch.

Dudes! I know it is hot. I know it is humid. But if you have that much hair that the entire arm is encased in it, don't wear a tank top!! Wear a normal short sleeved shirt. Otherwise, you can not hold it against my spawn when they say - a bit too loudly - "You can even pet him too. So does that make him man's best friend cuz he's both the man and the pet?"

I was able to save my spawn by letting the eye twitch do the talking for me. Granted, the big bear did growl a bit but he did back off.

Sad to say, we are use to the scream offs by overtired kids. It wouldn't be a trip to stuffmart if there wasn't some serious vocal complaint. Now it was late and I get it that the little crumb crushers were tired but you tell the kid to knock it off. One dad thought it would be fun to keep his spawn all riled up. I was ready to start screaming and throwing things at this guy's goading.

I think I have met my biggest contender for Worst Parent Award. His meanness and deafness to the screams where something to behold. And that wasn't a compliment.

At one point Michael made eye contact with me and rolled his eyes. The guy saw it and said something snotty to my boy. I say my boy cuz I was ready to pull my shiv out and was prepared to cut the man. I now want a shirt that says, "I'll cut ya" complete with blood stains that I will only wear to stuffmart. I now think I need a shiv too - whatever that is.

Again, the eye twitch let it be known that I can survive jail and this seemed to work and jerk and his crew left our presence. No, I didn't say anything overly nasty but dirty looks where handed all the way around.

By this time we were dragging up to the cashiers where there were looong lines. There were only 4 lanes open and 2 of them were for limited items. As I said, our fav cashier was stuck on the express lane leaving Skippy. What didn't help was the next lane over some little girl pitched a rip-roaring fit. And it lasted forever because her parents, who were both there as well as grandma, did nothing about it. There we were, trapped in line desperately wanting to escape and unable to do so.

We finally get out of there and get to the van and it was just creepy. We had people circling around us eyeing the carts. I really wanted that shiv at this point. We've never had this problem before. I had my purse on me and baby-sat the other carts in case anyone of those yahoos thought of snagging a bag or 20 while Hubby did his magic of getting all that stuff in our tiny van.

Good times.

We had to head across the way to stuffmart's competitor for a few things that was needed. There was much temptation to just go home but we pressed on and that place was almost completely empty. Hallelujah! Got in, got out.

I wonder if I can convince the guys to go on a fast so we don't have to go through that again. I'm thinking no but I'll try.


Kerri said...

Oh, stuffmart, how you entertain me. I have to say, as lame as it is, these are some of my favorite posts. Maybe because I know you guys, and can VISUALIZE every move. The circling of the carts by the buzzards was a little frightening! Yikes~

Joanna said...

My posts are lame??? ;)

Debbie said...

It's like being there - only I didn't have to go! Thanks:)