Monday, August 30, 2010

And So It Begins

Well, we started school today. It went rather well. I did have a few weepy moments that the older 2 are starting high school. How is it possible I have 2 teenagers and a tween? When did that happen?? And didn't we just finish 2nd grade a few months ago? I was warned I better can the Sunrise, Sunset thing which I find funny because they haven't seen the movie let alone heard the song.

I asked if I could take a picture and was shot down with dirty looks. I may have to try something covert later. We started off slow which is a good thing because holy fershiznit, who turned up the heat??? Last few days has been super-duper humid and at one point I tried to climb into the freezer.

No such luck.

I begged the window air conditioner to do something to cool off the room. I think it tried to commit suicide. This was not a good sign.

It has been a crazy few days. Yesterday I was pretty much in a fetal position as auntie flo showed up to say howdy. I have to say that taking a lot of the Herbalife stuff has been helping in a lot of other issues. While I haven't dropped tons of weight, I am feeling better - minus the cramps. But at least the bod is trying to work out some of it's issues. If it could only handle the mental issues it would be a major score.

It was almost 2 months since I had any chocolate but with auntie showing up and all it was the only proper way to greet the b*tch her to help make the visit go as smoothly as possible. I've noticed that it is a lot less dramatic this time around, so score for the herb stuff.

No, seriously - this is me less dramatic.

Saturday we loaded up a couple truck loads of stuff and hauled it over to Kerri's for a yard sale. If anyone in the area is interested in a butt-load of Rescue Hero stuff, this is the sale for you!!

I did noticed a bit of eyebrow judgement coming from Kerri on the amount of crap stuff we have but in our defense, toys are sexually active and will reproduce faster than a rabbit. Don't believe me? Get a happy meal and that toy will mate with your Tupperware and have spawn within the hour.

And that's if the Tupperware plays hard to get.

Please tell me you just sprayed your drink - that you turned your head to the side and hosed your wall down with whatever liquid was in your mouth. I have issues, I am aware of this. But then again, you were already aware of this or you wouldn't be reading this right now. If you are new....I am so sorry, but I have days where I am off my hinge a wee bit. It's the heat, I'm telling you. It has done cooked my noodle. Beyond limp noodle stage. It didn't help that I didn't really get that much sleep last night. I tried to go to bed early and tossed and turned and thought about all these great blog posts that I can't remember once the light of day showed up.

But I'm not bitter. Much.

Speaking of bitter, is it just me or all these fall commercials beyond cruel? Sweat dripping off the butt cheek, clothes clinging to every roll I am trying to ignore, feeling like wilted lettuce and there is some gal all crisp, clean, and sweat free I might add, decked out in the latest fall fashion looking cool and comfortable. Ha-rumph!

Ya'll better wish Kerri the best of luck for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Oh Mr. Cold front? Your presence is requested.

Friday, August 27, 2010

It's Been A While

I haven't posted email jokes in a while and feel it is long over-due.
Remember: Laughter burns calories!

I lost the trivia contest at the church social last Sunday by one point.
The last question was, "Where do most women have curly hair?"
Apparently the correct answer is Africa.
I’ve been asked to find another place to worship.


Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the sh*t inside!"

Subject: Husband and wife sharing....

An old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered - 'THE TEETH.'

For Kerri...

The skunk has replaced the Eagle as the new symbol of America.
It is half black, half white, and everything it does stinks!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Is This The Whirl Or The Wind?

Holy ker-pow! Will someone please hit the pause button on life for me? It has made blogging next to impossible. Go here, go there, get this, get that.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

Last few days have been crazy busy. I mean, beyond redonkulous. Ran like several ba-zillion errands, okay 2, and was able to get Jeremy Camp's new album. This is where I eat crow and say Michael was right - it's awesome. We got a few other CDs and I did pick up a music book that had a lot of popular songs for both guitar and piano.

Michael is still giving me these ooey, gooey looks of love over it. That one can melt butter from across the room with those eyes. Mercy!

I did ask Nicholas what he thought of it and he said Michael has yet to share the book. I told him to hang in there as we'll be using it as part of school. They are all kinds of happy. They are beyond geeking out over music being apart of the school. And in another attempt at buying my way out of worst parent award, we picked up more wanna be bionicle stuff. Jared was so happy we were worried he was snorting Mt.Dew.

The happiness meter could not measure the happy.

Which is good because I am going to need everything they have and then some for the garage sale we are having. Gathering stuff for it has kicked some fluff right out of me. So much so, that it caused my delicate self to end up on the couch the whole day with a massive headache. I think I may be sort of skert that the grocery list didn't get totally finished. Judging from the smaller than normal total, I would say that is a big 10-4 on the accuracy.

I'm still feeling slightly bitter about the stupid grocery list, especially with Mickey Mouse and company making a play for our food. To say I have the casserole blues is a gross understatement. I tried to hand the kids a match, a box of graham crackers, a bag of marshmallows, and a candy bar and wished them the best of luck. But that whole parental safety first thing kicked in and I took away the matches. My attempts at cold s'mores for dinner was not accepted.

Tough crowd.

So when it was time to sit down and magically look into the future and foresee what all we would need, I wasn't feeling it. All attempts at a full on pout was ignored. When I informed Hubs I quit, he informed me that I can't as I signed on for a lifetime.

Darn those fine print clauses.

It didn't help matters that Wally is gearing up to strike a blow. This goes beyond the fist shake of angst while wailing "curse you aquascum!!" Nay, it is a drop to thy knees and whimper pathetically. What could be so horrible?

It's like they have nothing for their employees to do so they are going to have them rearrange everything in the store. Again. At first I didn't believe it was true. But then we started noticing more and more of those pieces of paper dangling down with stock numbers on them. When I realized what was going to be taking place in the near future, I started to whimper. And because of feeling like hammered dog poo in a bag all day, the whimper sort of ended up in a sob.

A sob that no amount of chocolate could cure.

A sob that says we are past the point of no return.

A sob that strikes fear into husbands across the land because they know that their very lives are now at stake over the next few words that they dare to utter.

I should probably say that only works on some husbands. It certainly doesn't work with mine. He just gives me that eyebrow arch that has been known to silence a storm and asks if I'm done. This time he agreed with me and then told me to hurry up so we could get out of there.

Talk about stealing my thunder. Sheesh!

Monday, August 23, 2010

What A Ride!

Well that was one crazy whirl-wind week! What stinks is the whole week I was like I need to blog about that and that. Now when it's settled down and time to do it? Nothing! Can't think of a blooming thing.

So sad. Because this is only what I can remember and it's still long winded. As usual.

Went out Friday for our anniversary with mah Hubby. We went to Logan's in the hopes to get the 2 for 20 deal. We looked all through the menu but could only find the deal where there was a time restriction on it and we missed it. Oh well, we were starving and ordered. I was about half-way through my salad when I found half a bug in the salad, coated with dressing on it.

It had been there for a while.

I fished it out and put it on the side of the plate and asked Hubs, "what the heck is that?" He said, "that's a bug." I asked, "are you sure? I don't want to be accused of seeing things." He said, "it has wings - it's a bug."

Who knew I would literally live out my blog title?

Ick, ick, and double ick. If the other half would have been in my teeth - lets just say I would have put on a show worthy of ticket sales.

Since Hubby worked in restaurant management many moons ago, he knew the drill and there was nothing really to be done. We weren't charged for my meal so it did turn into dinner for 2 for around 20. The last time I found a bug in my salad, I was preggers with twins and went and horfed after finding that little gift. And why is the first thing they offer is another salad? Why so I can see if I can find the other half??

Um, me thinks not.

We were on a time restraint, so we didn't have time to just talk. I was a bit bummed because I have a thirst for deep conversation and Hubby does bring some deep stuff. It's just a lack of time. We had to rush to our favorite Christian bookstore, aka my personal crack house, before it closed and was only able to find 1 book for me but Hubby got the CD he was after.

Speaking of, Jeremy Camp has a new worship album coming out. I feel the need to pass this information off to others cuz I've only heard about it 513 million times. Michael is so excited about it. Or at least as close to excitement as he can muster. He cracks me up in his own way. He has these dry one liners that are just hilarious. Nicholas is every bit as sharp tongued as I am - minus the cussing. How I managed that, I'll never know.

I told him his kids might turn out normal. Or not.

Nicholas and I were goofing around with the camera. I'm not allowed to post the pictures - on facebook. The boy has yet to learn to be VERY specific so I'm sure they will find their way on this blog at some point. Cuz that's how my evilness rolls.

Michael on the other hand, was 1 picture get r done and leave me alone kind of guy. Once Jared saw goofiness was being had, he had to get in on the action. When I snagged hubby dear to take a picture with me, my husband - Mr. calm, cool, and collected - took that photo op moment to do some groping and did get a bit crazy eyed in a couple of them. I refuse to post them simply because why give anyone else more ammo to question our mental stability.

"I woke up married to a pineapple. It was an ugly pineapple. But I loved her." Ice Age 3

The goof gene is alive and well with this little band of crazy people. And as my MIL points out, none of her boys acted this way. To that I say, thank God. Someone had to add some new genes to that pool. What's another word for stagnant pond?

But I do make up for all my weirdness. Last week I was a good wife and went and saw the movie Expendables with Hubs. It wasn't bad. The big blond guy from Rocky 4 - Dolph? Dude.still.can't.act. The only scene with Bruce Willis and Arnie was pretty much what you saw in the previews. Lot of someone just got their but kicked by a bunch of old looking dudes.


So this time around, we went and saw The Switch. That wasn't what I expected but it was good. It was a lot more serious than what the previews made it out to be. I think there is a new movie genre cuz it wasn't a romantic comedy - more like a romantic drama. The little boy in it was adorable and said things that made me think of my husband.

Oh Lawd, have mercy!

I kept leaning over and saying I can sooo see you saying that. Dude was laughing too hard to deny it. Mm-hmm. I think I may have to find a chick to go with me if I want to see the Julia Roberts new movie. Hubs did say he would go just not sure when he'll be available. He has been super busy with work, and different stuff, and just life.

After the movie, we had to run to the grocery store for more milk. While we were there, we were able to find some beanbag chairs for the spawn. The day before we had swapped out Jared's old bed and gave him one that was in the toy room. His bed was pretty much shot. Why are boys so hard on furniture? Cleaned up a lot of junk and made more room for their bionicle stuff in the toy room. My brilliant plan worked. It settled a few arguments amongst the spawn and all was right and wonderful. We came home tired but triumphant.

The next day, the guys went camping. Oh happy day! And to add to the happy, we have a new movie rental place again. We were in deep mourning at the sudden loss of the old place. It was rather weird - upped and closed with hardly any warning. But the new one, different chain, opened like this week. Bonus!!! I cleaned the bathroom and it stayed clean longer than five minutes. I cleaned the kitchen and it was clean all evening. I finished a book I was reading and I watched the movies I rented.

It was nice. It was good. It needs to happen again real stinking soon.

The guys - including Jared - had a great time. They got back and cleaned up in time for us to have Kerri and fam over as we are discussing garage sale strategy. She may hate me as we have introduced her boy to Rescue Heroes.

I am so glad we are doing a garage sale with them because this way it will actually get done verses never. My Mom doesn't want me to sell anything until she goes through stuff. Again, this goes in hand with the never going to happen anytime soon.

What she don't know won't hurt her.

I did noticed that Hubs was a bit overwhelmed. He wanted to go through all the stuff to get rid of more and pretty much has run out of time. I told him we'll just get rid of what we know is going - goodbye Rescue Heroes - and worry about other stuff later like a moving sale. This seemed to rally him and I guess we're all good in the hood again.

At least we were until Hubby reminded me we need to go grocery shopping this week. This can not be happening. Buckle up passengers because it looks like another blur of a week is on the horizon.


Thursday, August 19, 2010

Reasons I Can't Explain

It is with sadness that my brain is refusing to cooperate. Much like the clock that is driving me a bit on the batty side.

I've tried writing like 3 different posts but just can't seem to bring it together. My brain doesn't want to play nice and focus enough to write the blog but nor does it want to settle down and go to sleep.

To further the sadness that is, the clock is needing new batteries in the worst way. Right now it sounds like it is being slowly strangled to death. V-e-r-y slowly. Pitiful. With each passing of the hour, it is starting to sound like some sort of clock death rattle which this late at night is just a bit creepy. Also makes it hard to concentrate.

I would just take it down and do it myself but it's too high up on the wall and I can't reach it. This means I would need to heft out the ladder to git r done.

We all know that ain't gonna happen.

I thought about taking a broom to knock it off the wall but thought that would sort of defeat the purpose, especially if the clock crashed to the floor into a bunch of pieces. Whoopsies.

What could be so sad you ask? The clock sort of represents a first. It was the first thing WE bought when we became a we instead of just a me and a him. With it being close to our anniversary, I'm not sure Hubby would take it too kindly if I knocked it off the wall only to have it smashed to bits. After 16 years of marriage, I'm pretty sure he won't buy that I was practicing my golf swing. Especially since I don't golf. Or swing much of anything.

But much like a marriage, it needs new batteries or the thing runs a bit slow and sounds funny. It doesn't have the crisp chime to signal the passing of the time. Granted, lately it was saying, hey doofus you wasted another hour playing facebook games, get with the program. Suddenly the broom is sounding better. Make it an offer it can't refuse.

When I was younger I thought time stood still. Now I feel like that bad boy has wheels on his feet and is zipping along.

I promise I won't break out into Sunrise, Sunset.

But it is just sad. I was working on my list of things to get rid of when the clock gave off it's impression of a strangled duck. I wasn't sure if it died or farted. I looked down at my list and back up at the clock and for a moment it almost found itself on the buh-bye list. While that list is getting longer every day, the first clock is not on it. It did remind me to call my mom - more sadness - to let her know for all that is holy come get their crap or I'm selling it all for a nickel. I think I may be making some progress on that point.

Maybe sad isn't the right word. Ever have that experience where you are so into something but one day you just ask why? and then want to get rid of all evidence of it? Sort of how we all felt about the 80s once the 90s was here. Or is that just me?

But all this talk of clocks and things to get rid of caused me to realize that we have a grandfather clock that my mom bought in a garage sale that was broken. She bought a broken clock on purpose. I'm sure there was some reason for it at the time but no one can remember or we don't care, I'm not sure which. I'm now worried our status as redneck is almost complete. We have this clock that can't keep time. Um, why?

I told Hubby I want to purge this junk like never before. He looked at me with such love and adoration that it was almost a bit embarrassing. I think I just found some sort of battery. Who knew?

Monday, August 16, 2010

Of Mice And Men

When we first moved into t.o.d. (this old dump) is was apparent the critters had run of the place. We were in a desperate situation and really didn't have much of a choice. For my faithful 4 readers, you recall all the drama with squirrels, bats, and raccoons. Thankfully, they have all moved away. Well, I can't entirely say that as we have some bats in the chimney again. I have no idea why they think this is their summer dwelling. As long as they stay in there and not try to get in the house, oh well.

But those darn mice have refused to move on.

I think it was during all the bat and squirrel issues that my FIL was telling us about getting electric traps. I'm not really sure as I really don't pay that much attention especially when my FIL is talking about alternative ways of getting rid of critters. I want to keep my lunch down thankyouverymuch.

So it was a couple Christmases ago that the electric mouse trap was gifted to Hubs. It's this black box that the mouse crawls in and stepping on the pad connects the charge or some sort of technical jumbo and buh-bye mouse. The sick part is the flashing light that let's you know you got a full trap.

I'm sure Jeff Foxworthy would be so proud of us.

This last week they upped their game. There are 2 normal traps and the house of horrors. Peanut butter is the best bait in da world. The normal traps were licked clean and not set off but so far the den of doom has claimed 4.

Moving away is sounding better and better

And in response to a few emails - I'm not quite ready to announce the state we are moving to as a way of keeping the allure of suspense and mystery. Frankly, why give people a heads up so they can plan to move away themselves? It just doesn't seem real yet so if I don't say anything I can still sort of say, 'oh well, it's that darn chili.'


In an attempt to not think of the grossness known as rodent, I have been buried in school books. The plotting and the planning has sure equaled to the feelings of being overwhelmed. I worry wonder if all the research and all the time I've poured into this will produce good fruit. Lot of praying.

Then it hits me - my boys are starting high school. Oh dear Lord, how did it come to this??

When we first knew we were to do this, it was so overwhelming. All I could think about was Algebra and how much it sucks and how much I never wanted to think about it again. I can balance a checkbook no problem but Algebra is something totally different.

After Hubby used some smelling salts, he reminded me that was years away and I could handle the basics. For the most part I have. While I'm not the sharpest pencil in the box, I'm not the dullest either. But here we are now facing the ugly thing.

It is still hitting me after finding that pink bible. Where I was at in my walk with God, having small children, and just trying to figure out life and how to survive it. To know that we're about to embark on the last leg of this journey has just been overwhelming on so many levels.

I may, or may not, have burned through a box of tissues with all the blubbering, the boo hooing, and the crying. And I might have been caught humming Sunrise, Sunset.

I think Fredly dear took pity on me, or knew I was going to snap and go loco on him - came to the rescue. We sat down and figured it all out and listed what our goals were for the year. There were a few choice words as we don't quite see eye to eye on a few things but, oh well. I am thrilled that he is taking over the foreign language department. I don't even understand English let alone something else. The guys had started off doing Latin last year and then hit a wall and quit. I wasn't able to help them scale that wall cuz hello? this is me we are talking about.

We sat the boys down and told them the goals and they are on board with it. I can say attitudes have improved all the way around - including mine. So it's looking good so far. Been very happy with the attitude improvement. I still have no idea what turned that table around but I'm glad for it.

So it's with wobbly knees and glazed over eyes that we're about to take it on. Like I said before, I know there is a lot of change on the horizon and ready or not, here we go.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Oh My Cheezers!

I think I my have my heartbeat back to normal. The other night after I sent the troops off to bed, I decided I better shovel those dishes out of the sink. When my folks were up, typical of my Mom, she took my sponge that I use for dishes and started to scrub down everything.

Thanks Mom.

Now say that in the most dripping sarcastic tone you can come up with.


I looked at my half dead sponge and went out into the pantry to get another one. I heard a rustle noise and I stopped. I listened. Heard it again. Noticed a few, ah, mouse drops around the cereal box. Do you have kids like mine? Can't fold up and close a cereal box?

So what is a mouse to do when all this bountiful goodness is just sitting there? Apparently they will move into the box. I grabbed the box and looked to see how much was left in the box when I noticed a FEW tails and FEW lumps of fur trying to bury themselves into the cereal.

It is only by some miracle I didn't launch that box across the room screaming like I was trying out for a part in some horror movie.


I didn't because I wanted them out of the house which is rather a joke if you could see the back door. I ran out the door and slam dunked it into the trash dumpster. Trouble is that the dumpster was pretty full. I'm sure they waited a bit, finished off the cereal, and then came back in the house, convinced they had some bad acid trip cereal.

Needless to say, I threw away all the cereal.

This did inspire me to clean like never before. After slamming back a few LiftOff drink (shameless plug) I had the energy to do it. I do clean but the guys I live with make it look like I don't. Ever. The spider monkey love we have going on, combined with the dust bunny Tarzan swing, certainly doesn't hold my claim that I clean. But I do!! I have the dishpan hands to prove it.

Which I have to ask if this happens to anyone else. Can anyone tell me if their dirty dishes multiply every time they walk by them? Just me, isn't it?? I knew it!!! Darn those nasty dishes.

Anyway, it was during this cleaning session that I came across my pink NIV Women's bible. It was sort of cool cuz I had all these flashback backs of all the lessons I learned studying that bible. My kids were little - starting school - and it all came flooding back. All the memories where right there. I had to stop in mid-clean and just hug it. Had a good a cry over it too.

I know it's sort of weird but this is how I am. Deal with it!

I tried to get Hubby to take a little stroll down memory lane with me. It was a very short walk as I was accused of being hormonal.

When will they learn? If you suggest, or even think, it's a hormone day than it will become a hormone day!

Since I wasn't feeling the love, and I just battled mice, cobwebs, and general grossness - I suggested we run to the border since it was time for the loading of the carts. Why yes, I was feeling spiteful. Why do you ask?

The new taco where you squeeze the lime? Not a fan of it. Didn't like the wrap. If they would have used their normal flour wrap it would have been fine. It was like eating raw corn tortilla. I wasn't happy with this so I was really hoping to have some serious revenge at stuffmart.

Believe me, we needed every bit of stinkery we could muster. The place was a zoo!

While I wasn't able to take anyone down, Jared was able to come through for the team. I mean dude was a trooper! Thought he might have sharted himself but once the steam evaporated he was good. And he scored extra points that he made sure to set the stank free way behind me so I didn't have to commando crawl through the green cloud of doom.

The boy loves his momma! Cuz that is just love to go to the back of line to cut one off.

Even after fighting off the masses with super stank power, we were still stuck with craziness. I have never seen so many people clogging up the lines before at stuffmart!! Our favorite cashier was super busy too. We still went to her line and she said everyone has been out school shopping. That was part of our loading of the carts. We had gone to Old Navy earlier that day to see if we could find the booty reader but no luck. I did manage to muscle my way in a pile of jeans and scored a few for the guys. With men's jeans marked down to $15 they now have some happy booties.

They begged me not to put that so mums the word, a'right?

Sunday, August 8, 2010

In Spite Of It All...

God is awesome! I have to laugh because even though I've been deemed unworthy by other people's standards, I know I have found acceptance with Him.

It sort of sounds corny but it is so true!

I've had a few people say but look at what all you guys have gone through. If I had a nickle for every time I've heard that 'God must be judging us and beating our brains out because of all the financial hardships', then we wouldn't be having the financial hardships. Even though it has been painful and confusing and hard to go through all this - God is up to something. That gravestone has been rattling for a few months.

Change is on the horizon. The who, what, when and how in the heck is that going to happen are still very unclear. And this just does not sit well with a closet control freak. I can tell why I was drawn to Hubby dear. Dude is a planner and I came from a family that doesn't believe in planning - anything.

I was just telling Hubs that I find it interesting that it's just down to us because no one else would stand with us and believe with us, for us. For whatever the reason, we've been behind the 8 ball in a lot of people's opinions. Either there has been goofy competition, which I still don't get, or someone has had the opinion that they are better off than us and we have nothing of value to offer.


Back when we went camping, God used that trip to shake Hubby up. We had been praying for months about everything. At one point we started praying if we should stay or leave the state. We weren't getting much as far as answers go but we kept praying about it. Neither of us felt any peace about being closer to our folks, which is such a shocker so we kept praying.

While on the hike Hubby had to take to call the garage to get his truck back, him and God had a chat. That night he had a dream and in that dream there was a state mentioned. I'm still scratching my head over it cuz it still makes no sense to me. When Hubby told me about the dream I sort of chuckled and told him he had one serious chili dream cuz it may have cooked his noodle.

I can tell you God doesn't appreciate it when you chalk up a wake up call, a direction, an answer to prayer as indigestion - just so you know.

I even came back and told a few people trying to get them to declare it a chili dream as well. It wasn't well received and I thought there's my answer. Before I could even finish the thought I had an unsettling feeling hit me. The more I tried to blow it off the more it wouldn't go away. Hubby started researching the state on the web and is following through with it.

And there is me in the background trying to offer him Tums because Lord have mercy, dude has totally lost it!!

I can't say I really want to stay in Michigan. Truth be told, I came kicking and screaming when I was 8. Haven't been a fan of living here. You would think I would be jumping up and down and there are times I really am. It's that whole unknown thing that starts to make me wonder. One of the boys said anything has got to be better than what all we've gone through. True that!

To to see my man come alive and change direction has been pretty exciting to behold. That is until reality shows up and then I go back to rocking in the corner trying really hard not to make the agreement we are so screwed.

There are days.

The down side of putting it out there like this is now I get asked a lot when are we going. Golly I know ya'll are anxious to get rid of me but we don't know and not ready just yet. But on the other hand, dealing with the same old, same old has not been pleasant and the thought of something new and different is like a cold drink on a hot day.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Part 2

In my defense, I did say this was going to take more than 1 post.

Seems a few people have taken offense to the air quotes on the word pastor. Seriously people. Anyone can claim to be something. You can pay a fee and have the title but that doesn't make the person a pastor. Just saying.

Now before you think we held hands and skipped off into the sunset, my Mom did manage to drop a few. Like how she's picking a fight with the MDOC regarding my brother and if anyone comes knocking on my door refer them to her.

Say what??

I said no one better come knocking on my door regarding any of them. Not a part of their group thank you very much. She said she's not sure exactly what will happen and just to give me a heads up.


She did say that she is very happy we've been talking about leaving the state and wonders how soon that will go into affect.

This is so not encouraging.

I did get the whole it was my fault they were arrested and blah, blah, blah again. That's where I came right back at her and told her she was full of it. She said they had won but since I signed the bond papers that gave "them" permission to come after them. I'm still surprised I didn't have any rage emotion take over and went off.

Instead I told her if she wants to play the shame and blame game to go find the nearest mirror. If they would have put my name on their bank account like they said they were going to I wouldn't have been arrested. Granted, I was never charged but to sit here and tell me it was my fault that they spent a few years behind bars just doesn't go over too well with me. On top of that, they didn't bother to tell us several things and left us totally twisting in the wind. I told her to stuff it on the whole it was for our protection because it didn't protect jack so to sit here and tell me why it's still not her fault she can see herself out the door - permanently.

The hard thing about my Mom is that there are times she can be spot on the money. And then there are other times she has been sipping way too much kool-aid of someone's messed up brew. I've seen her take crap from no one and stand her ground and I've seen other times where she's been obnoxious and needs a time out. Where do you draw the line with that?

I still have no clue what to do with them. They want a relationship with me but on their terms and I'm not interested. Call me crazy but I don't want to have bonding moments over prison stories. My Mom's motives have been to get my brother out of prison and it looks like she has picked up the battle again. No thanks.

And Kerri wonders why I want to move.

She keeps going on and on about a word from God I got a lot of years ago. I told her that I find it interesting that her and my brother are now hanging on to that when at the time I took a ton of crap from both of them regarding it. Mom said well she understands where he was coming from. But of course she does.

I was talking to Hubby about the whole thing. Really makes me wonder if that is why God has been gearing us up to move on. But then that is a whole other blog post that I've been sitting on. It's funny about that too. I can air all my dirty laundry without batting an eyelash but every now and then I'll just freeze up and can't hit that publish button. It's like a new little plant and I want to protect it rather than expose it to the elements of public opinion.

I can be so weird some times.

That was something that was hilarious. Mom, Dad, and I were in the kitchen working on the whole relish stuff. Mom was teaching Dad cuz they took all the equipment to make relish as they are going to make more. I think they are bored or something. Anyway, they were zinging each other back and forth. I looked up to see Nicholas with this weird look on his face. I gave him an eyebrow arch and he sort of nodded his head. I laughed and asked if I made sense to him now and he didn't miss a beat - said totally.

That is the sucky thing about family. No matter how much you fight it, you're still a part of it. I really do wonder how God is going to work it all out. My Dad told me to keep in touch. I asked why. He looked rather pained about it. Mom kept telling him to pay us for the relish and I could tell money is tight for them. I told him not to worry about it. Yes, it was a lot of work. Yes, they took a case plus the extra jars for my aunt but I know God is taking care of us. Besides if she has all her stuff, I won't have to hear about it.

Mom was telling me all the stuff they have been doing for my grandparents. She said they do it not because they deserve it but to honor them. I know you will be just shocked to know my Mom and her mother-in-law haven't gotten along too well. What is a bit of a concern is that Mom keeps looking at me, telling me what she expects down the road. I keep telling her to get my brother paroled so he can take care of them as he owes them big time. For whatever reason, this doesn't go over too well.

Yet another reason to pray for the rapture.

My Mom did give me a lecture that I need to be very careful what I post of facebook. Some of my cousins where laughing that I can be funny and she wants me to make sure I'm careful. What momma don't know, won't hurt momma. One of my cousins did ask why I'm just playing facebook games. The boys kept bugging me that they needed another neighbor so I did it for them.

Besides it's easier to just play Cafe World and Frontier Ville then post stuff and have more drama blow up in my face.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

It Has Been A Week

There is so much to cover. You may want to have a snack just to see you through this post.

I was working on this whole other post on something that happened last week. And to whoever that has been stalking my blog waiting to read my reply to the never ending drama that occurs on facebook - hang tight, I will get to it.

I seriously can not make this junk up.

Ok, ya'll comfy? Got yer snack? Potty break all taken care of? Good.

I can tell this is going to take more than 1 post. I'm still slightly surprised by the whole thing. Yesterday my folks were here. The relish is all done and I didn't even once try to pickle my Mom. However, I had a really interesting talk with her. There was no wailing and gnashing of teeth and everyone behaved.

We were talking about what all God was showing each of us and just how cool God is and has a way of turning things around. My folks are in 3 different bible studies, taking care of my grandparents, more at peace than I've ever seen them. Here's to hoping they are staying out of trouble.

We were talking about books we've read lately. All safe subjects. I was telling my Mom about the 1 book with the whole corset thing. Something that high society did was to cut someone. If someone didn't measure up or wasn't acceptable enough they were cut. It was to totally embarrass and humiliate the person. They wouldn't make eye contact, would openly shun the person who was being cut.

My Mom didn't miss a beat and said well that practice is alive and well and still going on with church leaders.

I pulled out my best innocent look and asked, "Why Mother, whatever could you mean?"

She gave me a look telling me I wasn't fooling anyone but went on to say that for whatever reason most church leaders have such huge insecurities and need their egos stroked all the time that they end up wounding a good deal of people and do it all in the name of God.

Well, I can't argue with that. I told her I just went through another round of cutting.

I was friends with a pastor on facebook and he was posting stuff about how we need to be accepting of each other and not to throw stones at one another, that we need to walk along side of others and love them where they are at as it will bring unity and maturity. There where a few comments before mine and the person right before me said if only the Church would do it. In agreement with that comment, I said too bad it rarely happens. Most people only keep you around so long as you fulfill their agenda.

The "pastor" not only deleted my comment but also unfriended me! Which ironically proves my point. While it frustrates me, I can't say that I'm all that surprised.

I was telling my Mom that back in the winter I went to a bible study at this man's church and he made it very clear I wasn't welcomed there as did a few other people. I was praying about the whole thing. So not fun to get cut. I really had God show me a few things that makes sense. I didn't share what God told me but what was funny is my Mom stomped all over it, said it way better than I could and had no way of knowing she was right on the money with it.

I said I've always heard about the shepherd leading the sheep but I've never seen it - always saw the leaders beating the darn flock over the head in order to get them to behave the way they thought best. I'm not part of this man's flock nor do I care to be. I have no desire to set the record straight especially when he really doesn't care what I have to say anyway.

My folks said that is a huge sigh of relief. I asked them to clarify. My Mom asked if this same pastor is the one backing "that woman who thinks she's to run a church". I'm quoting her. I said yes. Both my folks looked at each other and chuckled.

Mom kept saying it's a good thing we are out from under that. She said a couple other things which lined right up with what God was showing me and she had no way of knowing it.

And momma didn't let it go at that.

Mom: Jo, this is a God thing keeping you safe from the spirit they are operating through.
Me: That is pretty much what God was telling me.
Mom: You'll see. He's got something else for you to do and to be around people that actually care.
Me: You know, this pastor was the one that told me to send you a card that I'm praying for you.
Mom: Let me tell you, God would have - and does - work things out NOT because some over-inflated ego of a man made the suggestion.
Me: I wouldn't have sent the card had he not told me to do it.
Mom: Not true. He made the suggestion - you were the one that did it. God is the one that heals situations. God has been showing me that we are different and handle things differently. Doesn't mean your way is right or wrong, it's just your way.
Me: Gosh, that almost sounds like an apology.
Mom: Yeah well.
Long pause - still nothing
Mom: I know it hurts, but they really weren't your friends.
Me: Why do you say that?
Mom: And you will be better off without them dragging you down.
Me: According to some of them, they didn't want to be my friend because I was so down.
Mom: They're full of it! They were crappy friends and the minute you couldn't stroke their ego, they kicked you to the curb. Some friends! God isn't going to bless that and He really is about justice. You are so much better off to shake the dust from your feet and go find others that actually like you for you NOT what you can do for them.

And you people think I stand up for myself? I don't hold a candle to my Mom. I can tell you the woman doesn't take sh*t from anyone. Her favorite thing to do is to make eye contact, wave her hand to make sure she has your attention, and tell you you're full of crap and doesn't give a kitty if you own up to it or not as the smell will rat you out ever time.

I did say that I knew something was going to happen because we've been praying that God would break off old authorities. Before I could even finish she was all over that.

Mom: Please tell me you broke off anything to do with that woman doing her own church. I have a real problem when a woman wants to start her own church. I'll bet you 10 bucks her husband isn't even involved.
Me: Why is that a problem?
Mom: A woman's coverage is her husband and if he isn't in the picture then she's under someone else's coverage - that she's not married to. Doesn't that strike you at all odd? On top of that, what angle do you think she's going to "preach" from? Wives submit unless it doesn't further your agenda? Declare him not in right standing with God and go find someone else to back you? Let me guess that "pastor" is the one backing her?
Me: No comment.
Mom: Listen you don't want any part of that man. Any "pastor" that is going to encourage women to be out of line with the bible isn't someone you want to be a part of.
Me: Again, he was the one to encourage me to give you guys another chance.
Mom: Again, it is God that would see to it. Do you remember that word God gave you years ago? Restoration! God is going to restore this family - regardless of some piss-ant man that has a weird thing for women that can't submit.
Me: Geez Mom! Tell me how you really feel.
Mom: It gets me mad that people like that hurt you and then you start to question yourself all over again. Then you start to wonder if you are in right standing with God because you go through junk like this over and over. Just because you don't measure up to someone else's opinion does not make you off, doesn't mean you're wrong, doesn't mean that God is cutting you off. You be the best you can be.
Me: Hilarious. Even if you don't approve? Make constant comments about how wrong I am, how I don't do things right, and can't possible do anything right thus sayeth you? It has made me wonder if my own Mom is telling me I'm wrong than maybe every other person out there that tells me I'm wrong must know something I don't.
Mom: Well like I said God has been showing me we're just different from each other. You have to be and do what God tells you to do. God is always about the heart - what is the heart's motive behind the action. If I've hurt you...
Me: If?
Mom: it's because I've tried to push you in the right direction - my heart only wants the best for you.
Me: But when your mouth doesn't line up with your heart? You say I don't do this right but your heart is for me? Oddly enough I seem to find other people that carrying on the same twisted junk. Say what you mean, say what's in your heart because I can't tell what a heart's motive is - no one can.

Needless to say, the subject was changed. But it was interesting to say the least.

There was more to the day that I will have to put in another post. Like I said no one was harmed in the process. She even said a few things that would have normally cut me to the core - did me in. But it didn't even get a reaction from me. I'm still sitting here slightly shocked that I'm not livid.

I came right back at her, with no emotion, telling her she was full of it and I didn't give a kitty if she owned up to it or not cuz the smell already ratted her out.

She smirked at me and said very good.

Dang it.