Friday, August 27, 2010

It's Been A While

I haven't posted email jokes in a while and feel it is long over-due.
Remember: Laughter burns calories!


I lost the trivia contest at the church social last Sunday by one point.
The last question was, "Where do most women have curly hair?"
Apparently the correct answer is Africa.
I’ve been asked to find another place to worship.


WHY DO SHARKS SWIM CIRCLES AROUND YOU BEFORE ATTACKING?

Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the sh*t inside!"


Subject: Husband and wife sharing....

An old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered - 'THE TEETH.'


For Kerri...

The skunk has replaced the Eagle as the new symbol of America.
It is half black, half white, and everything it does stinks!

4 comments:

Dianne said...

Love the shark one

Fuschia said...

Oh how I've missed this!! Thanks. :)

rthling said...

I'm so tired, I had to read the first thing about hair, twice.
Then it came to me.
You are wrong.
funny,
but wrong.

Kerri said...

BWAHHHH HA HA HA HA HA Oh my GOSH I'm so glad I've learned not to drink while reading your blog. Africa. Where do you FIND these???
I'm SO stealing these.

LOVE LOVE LOVE the last one. You go girl!!!