Monday, November 22, 2010

I Doubt I Can Come Up With Something That Would Make Sense

I have no idea what it is about Saturday nights but I can't seem to sleep. I toss and turn and finally drift off only to have the alarm go off to get up for church. While there isn't a problem with the alarm right now as there isn't a church to go to BUT I still find myself tossing and turning on Saturday nights.

I spend a lot of that time praying for people. I had a few things on the list. My cousin called me to tell me some good news for things I had been praying for her. Huge happy sigh. Gave God the high-five of I love it when a plan comes together. Huge - just huge. Weeks of praying with her and to see God work it all out is just priceless.

Feelings of ooey gooeiness were floating all around. Cue the phone to ring. Watch ooey gooey float away. Why, yes it was my mother, why do you ask? Did your sphincter pucker up too? Dang, the woman has talent I never knew of.

It is so weird. She doesn't ask, she tells me how it's going to happen, when it's going to happen and a slew of 500 things that golly gee, I guess I'm just not bright enough to figure out. Does anyone have any Prozac they could spare? I would like to stuff the turkey with it so we could ALL have a great time.

Speaking of time - my Mom has no sense of it. She said she wants it nice and casual and said we should have it around 1 - 1:30 to 2pm. I asked which one she thought she could manage as keeping food warm for an hour is rather challenging. She said it would give me a challenge. I now know Hubs better keep all sharp objects away from me that day. Anyone think I can get away with an insanity plea? I drifted off picturing the guys drooling over the food and my freaking parents still an hour away and the time is 2:30. There is no way I'm making them wait and when I said as much she said that would be rude.

I think it right at that moment I said if you care for me you would either shoot me or go pester someone else. She said I'm not funny. Clearly there is no affection for my being. I said what is rude is inviting yourself to a dinner and then not showing up on time. She blew me off.

Then they inform me that my grandparents, so far, don't want to come but said they wearing them down. Hold the phone - what?? I'm slightly confused. Mom called pitching a fit that grandparents would not be alone on Thanksgiving. Now the story is they want to be alone but my folks won't let them. They've given about 20 reasons why they don't want to. I am so feeling the love. Is there some sort of geriatric abuse hot line I can report my parents to?? Please. I'm desperate.

The crappy thing is the guys have voiced their angst. I said if they ruin Thanksgiving then we can keep them away from Christmas. I was congratulated for my quick thinking but I have been informed by Hubby that this is my own damn fault for extending the olive branch. I said I know but I already know come judgement day, God is going to look at me and say this is going to take a while and I thought maybe doing WHAT HE TOLD ME TO DO was sort of a good move. I will try to remember to just let that feeling pass next time around on the crazy train.

Note to self: check into the price of a lobotomy.

My Mom did go on and on about how we need to honor the grandparents not because they deserve it but because it brings a blessing on our lives. I said if she truly believes that then why is she forcing them to come if they don't want to? She said they want to, they just don't know it yet.

P.S. on note: figure out plan to have the patient be my mother. Wait, why should she get the good drugs? Scratch plan. Re-contact the witness protection program and report a geriatric crime.

I would just like those nice ooey gooey feelings to come back. My spider senses are tingling and I think my parents are up to something. She is insisting on being here. And I can't figure out why. They are involved in several bible studies and are super active at their church - there are people they can go be with. For her to tell me how it is going to be and drag grandparents that never really had much to do with me come kicking and screaming? Something is fishy.

When is it ever enough? I feel like I talk to walls and no one ever listens. Ever. If I make a banner that says Go Away she'll ask if I'm mad at that neighbors. 0 to crazy in .3 seconds.


Joanna said...

Seriously?? You're going to give me a spam-atisement on a whine post? Now that's just low.

Kerri said...

Hey. Hope your Thanksgiving goes well.