Thursday, December 30, 2010

Stuffmart Strikes Back

Oh Interpeeps, I am thinking of starting a campaign of never leaving the house. I hear you can order food online and it will be shipped to you. I may have to look into that because it would be better than having wally world go all gangsta on me and get it's revenge.

Yet again I was dragged kicking and screaming from the safety of my home to the cold world of stuffmart to load up the carts so I can then try to make it into something edible.

As if.

I think I need to demand a raise. Except Hubby usually says you can't get blood from a turnip. I think he's still mad at me that I took that as a challenge rather than just a saying. Why else did he gas me up one lane and down the other? Evil ploy to keep my mouth shut. It worked to. I must say, he's been upping his game lately. He's been snarky and sassy for the last week. We had a telemarketer call 100 times 1 day and he answered, "Buddy the elf, what's your favorite color" and then hung up. It took me about 5 minutes to come out of shock because while dude will joke around with me, he doesn't do that. Ever.

It was a proud moment for me.

So while gas fumes burned my eyes, I ran into a bit of a snafu that stuffmart has yet to restock their shelves and was low on like everything. At least all the stuff I needed to get. As far as stuffmart stories go it was uneventful...until we headed to the check out. I'm not sure if it was the fumes or the sprain from rolling my eyes back into my head about 20 times as there were only 2 lanes open and 1 of them was for 10 items or less but it was painful.

For reals? 2 lanes??

After standing there for 15 minutes, the line started to get a wee bit backed up as in all the way back to the dairy section, so someone called for a all hands on deck. We jumped lanes several times only to get cut off by several other people. With a 3 cart haul, we don't move too fast. Hubs almost made it but a woman elbowed him out of the way. If I could get security to replay the tape I am willing to bet she just lifted up her unwashed arm and gassed Hubs. After what he put me through, I thought it was funny.

Thankfully, I was able to keep it to myself. Especially after I got a whiff of her.

Another 20 minutes goes by and I came to a quick conclusion that a lot of people there were unwashed and seemed to have just smoked a whole carton of cigarettes right before they came in. People, I know it's the holidays and all but soap is your friend. I promise.

Good granny! I was just relieved the spawn didn't start to gag or toss bars of soap at people. Hubs, in rare form, grabbed a sample hand sanitizer and was able to toss it in smelly-McSmellerton's cart. I didn't know if I should applaud him or pull an intervention. He's supposed to be the calm one on this crazy train and now he's pulling stuff I wouldn't. Heaven help us!

That was only the beginning of this sad tale of woe. More torture came when we were already in line when the gal directing traffic insisted we get in lane 9 when we were already in lane 7. She kept making a fuss even though my gut was telling to stay put. V8 slap to the head for not following the gut. In my defense following that gut on occasion has lead to some serious regret of choices of food I have consumed but I digress.

After being bullied into lane 9 and waiting another 10 minutes is when the real torture showed up. The cashier seemed super sweet, however, she was super slow. Not like Scooter slow but like all those beeps and buttons where just too much for her to handle. If that wasn't bad enough right when it was our turn - as in food was already on the belt, we ain't taking it off, we're in for the long haul - evil Edna took over for slow sweetie.

We all recognized evil Edna and squeaked out a group groan.

Evil Edna is about 82 years old and wants you to feel her pain by moving slower than the speed of smell. She slowly dragged each item across the scanner not convinced it picked up the bar code and then tried again. I can not tell you how many times she ended up double scanning things. Then she had to tilt her head back to look through her bifocals to see which button she should push.

I think by the 15th time Michael was starting to whimper for mercy. Jared had already passed out and collapsed on a bench and Nicholas and Hubs quietly discussed how horribly slow this woman was and we've had her before. And she is still just as evil.

I think every negative thought anyone has ever had about me all came together to resided in evil Edna. I know because she then took another 5 minutes to scan my pathetic amount of coupons. She then argued with me and refused to scan 1 of my coupons said I was trying to use 2 coupons for 1 item. I said we had 2 of the same item and therefore 2 coupons. She wasn't having any of it.

My spawn, at this point, were twitching and were asking me with their minds to just let it go so we could get out of there. And because she is evil she then screws up my debit transaction. I swear she does this on purpose to get back at us for having to bag everything. Every time we've had her, my card is declined and I have to do the whole check thing. And she makes me show my id. Twice. After pushing the wrong button.

I so wanted to push her buttons. Oh how I hate evil Edna! It's one thing if you don't know what you are doing, it's another when it's done on purpose. And the evil sneer she gave me left me no doubt that it wasn't an oops-adent.

I bet her depends gives her a wedgie and that's why she was so evil.


Julie said...

Sounds like a "fun" experience at Wally World. *lol* ... Ours has some slow checkers too, but we manage to avoid them for the most part... But I have never seen only 2 checkers open before. That's insane!

Melissa said...

You are brave taking Hubs to Stuffmart with you. I took my hubs with me once and the stress of everything got to be too much for us. We ended up having one of the biggest fights we ever had right there in front of the yogurt. Suddenly, WE were the trash at Stuffmart! That place just has bad Karma all over it!


Kerri said...

SNORT! LOL! I'm sorry for your experience, but I can SO SEE it happening. Was your ass twitching?? : )