Monday, February 28, 2011

I Should Be Stopped

But that will never happen.

(Insert evil cackle)

I think I've forced the guys to watch Megamind like 4 times now and we just got the movie Saturday night. Love it! Luckily for me, Jared was all for it. I am going to be so screwed when he outgrows these kid movies.

On another topic that I will never be stopped on, I sort of got to feed my addiction. Monday was the last day for me to get free shipping on books. Who am I to pass on such a great deal like free shipping? I tried to make it sound all noble by tossing in a couple bible studies for myself to go along with school stuff but I'm not sure who I'm trying to fool with that ploy.

I'm slightly bummed because while I got Jared all taken care of I am really struggling on what to do for next year's curriculum for older 2. I have some stuff, I know what I'm going to get on a couple others but hoping beyond hope it will pop up on eBay. But there are 2 subjects that I find myself face first on the floor screaming who the heck cares anyway?!

This type of behavior usually gets me a chocolate bar or 4 tossed at my head with a slight smattering of applause at my dramatics, but I was terribly ripped off this time around. Hubby said he wasn't prepared for the outburst and handed me a post it note with 'I owe ya' written on it.

Hilarious.

I hope all evidence points to him for the loss of my sanity.

On the bright side, we donated our hoopty van to science. There is some trade school not that far away and they are always looking for vehicles for students to work on. The poor thing would not make it very far. Nor would it get us much for a trade in towards another one. At least this way we'll get a tax write off for next year. While I don't know how much of a write off this will be, it should be more than what we were offered for it. Maybe this will make Uncle Sam be nice to us next year. Goodness knows he was rather kind this year as well as last but that's because we fell under 'wow, you are broke' category.

The hoopty-mobile was hiding out in our garage because Hubs has this fear that if he doesn't keep the space filled then something will come along and fill it. You can't really blame him. Every time he got the garage straightened up, my folks' junk ended up there. But he sees this as progress on moving forward.

I'm trying to get him to put my mom's dog down as that falls under my forward progress, but that will have to wait for another week as we are trying to get a van. Hubs was hoping to do this over the weekend but no such luck so we shall see what the next few days will bring.

The thought of wheels and some sort of freedom makes me a tad bit giddy and I feel the maniacal laughter starting to build up. This could be a great week or an epic amount of pouting.

On the say what topic, BofA must have read my post that I'm too lazy to link to because now we got a letter in the mail with them saying hey, we aren't getting money from you so we are turning this over to our foreclosure department. They even sent someone over to verify that the place was occupied. I'm not sure where they are going with this or how this is going to happened as that happened the end of 09 leading to the bankruptcy. It basically looks like we were lost in the shuffle but the deck is starting to get stacked. When I stopped breathing through a paper bag, Hubby said this is all part of moving forward. I'm betting money with a new month rolling in, dude is going to start secretly packing stuff.

Wonder where I put that bag?

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Ya Just Gotta Laugh

I was going through all my emails and trying to clean them out and came across some funny jokes. Thanks to everyone who sends them my way - goodness knows a laugh a day keeps you from killing people.

And that's a true story right there.

Sit back, don't drink anything, and have a good laugh...

(Thanks Margie!)
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So, they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about nine months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' Said Bob.

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'

I didn't see that one coming!


(Thanks Dianne!)
We were in slow-moving traffic the other day and the car in front of us had an Obama bumper sticker on it. It read: "Pray for Obama. Psalm 109:8".

My wife's Bible was lying on the dash board. She got it, opened it up to the scripture and read it. She started laughing and laughing. Then she read it to me. I couldn't believe what it said. I had a good laugh, too.

Psalm 109:8
"Let his days be few; and let another take his office. "

At last - I can voice a Biblical prayer for our president!


The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mr. Obama and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Obama replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!"
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!

AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY!

Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?


Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some old guy is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are y’all sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a$$-hole$."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Business must be good... only two left."


A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof.

So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers." He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his te$ticle$ and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."


SUBJECT: CARRYING

Seems a guy cruises thru a stop sign, or whatever, and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver's license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.

"Okay, Mr. Smith," the cop says, "I see your CPL permit. Are you carrying today?"

"Yes, I am."

"Well then, better tell me what you got."

Smith says, "Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There's a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I've got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot."

"Okay," the cop says. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, back in the trunk, there's an AR15 and a shotgun. That's about it."

"Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?"

"Nope."

"Well then, what are you afraid of...?"

"Not a damn thing..."


Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5.. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and....
13. Potential Murder Suspect


A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'

The husband said, 'Oh my Gosh! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'

'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'


Sheer Nightgowns Can Be Deadly...

A husband walks into Victoria’s Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price. The more sheer, the higher the price.

Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife (she's no dummy ) has an idea: 'It's so sheer it might as well be nothing... I won't even put it on. I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Monday at Noon. The coffin will be closed.


*Amish People Amazed By Elevator*

A 15 year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a 60-year old fat lady in a wheel chair moved up to the elevator and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady got in. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the elevator light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 20-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the blonde, said quietly to his son. 'Go get your Mother.'


Ah! Now don't you feel better?

Monday, February 21, 2011

Busy, Busy

Which it has been a while since I could say that. Boredom has been an all time high around here. Toss in a little cabin fever and there were threats of swinging from the chandelier.

And that was just from me.

Hubs and I went out on a date Friday night. Very nice to go do that. We sat and talked for a while and then went and saw a movie. Saw Unknown with Liam Neeson. The reviews were far too generous with this movie. Thought his other move Taken was a lot better. But hey, it was something to do.

Funny how your standards will lower when you are bored.

After the movie, I had to use the bathroom. The main bathroom was closed for construction which left the tiny bathroom. Needless to say, a line was to be had. Right before I go into the stall a lady ran into her friend blah, blah they just saw the same movie I did and thought the same thing I did. One lady was going on and on about Liam Neeson and a movie he did that was in Ireland but it was a while back. A while back is the understatement of the decade. I'm not sure I was even married. I could be wrong but I had to blow the dust off my memory.

I'm doing my thing listening to her go on and on about this movie and I'm sitting there nodding my head knowing what movie she was talking about. I get done and am washing my hands and she still hasn't given it a rest. Finally I couldn't take it any more and said, it was Rob Roy. She exclaimed THAT'S IT!! and thanked me profusely. As we were making our way to the door she asked if I knew who the lady was who played his wife - Jessica Lang.

I find this so sad that I can remember all this information. Can't remember half the crap I'm supposed to know but can remember crap I could care less about.

We were laughing as we came out of the bathroom to our spouses who kept looking at us with that fake smile with the look of 'oh man, am I supposed to know this person' look. As I walked up to Hubs he gave me a look and I just shrugged and said I was making friends wherever I go. The way the lady kept thanking me made him think I knew her. When he found out I never met her before, he started laughing and said only me. When I asked what he meant by that, he said he has never seen someone else besides me who can get people to open up and tell them their life story.

I have had this happen - a lot. Usually while we are grocery shopping. And you can't stop these people. They are going to tell me their life story, or some story, and I never know if I'm supposed to stand there listening to how their great aunt Ethel ran away and it soured the family line for generations, or if I keep on shopping, or run screaming away from them.

I'm not even sure how I do it. No one approaches Hubs as he usually has a go away look about him. I must have a beacon to come near me all you lonely people. Hubs jokes I can make a dead tree talk as he was the tree.

Too bad he's not kidding. I'm afraid he's infected one of our spawn.

Saturday was the last nice day around here before old man winter reminded everyone who rules the roost. Having nothing better to do, we loaded up the guys and went up to Grand Rapids and hung out at their mega mall. I guess everyone else had the same idea OR the mall rats have truly taken over society. We weren't inside for even 10 minutes before Nicholas said that our future society is totally doomed.

The older 2 were observing the kids that were around their own age. They are so not impressed with people. But Michael has it the worst. For a long time, I couldn't take Hubby dear into crowds or he would get super grumpy. Michael didn't get grumpy, but he was so annoyed with people. Thank goodness no one bumped into him. But the guy was not a fan of walking around the mall! I thought once we found him some picks for his guitar he would be happy about it but I thought wrong.

When he was little, he sometimes got overwhelmed with just people and just sort of shut down. We had sat on a bench and parked it for a bit having a drink and he just had that same overwhelmed look. I kept asking him if he was okay and he kept saying yes - more annoyed at each question. The boy, like his father, is not a fan of people. The whole ordeal totally drained him. I felt bad. I was just hoping to get out and blow the stink off of them.

It was also funny to let them look at clothes. Michael is very conservative and will only wear navy blue and 3 other colors. He's not flashy. Most of the clothes we saw usually had him muttering how people must be color blind. So when they actually saw some clothes they liked, I went to investigate. Right before I got to where they were at, they pulled out the price tag and very vocally said the shirt was nice but not THAT nice - right in front of the salesman. I had to laugh. Then I looked at the tag and about said the same thing they did. Wowzers! It's been a looong time since I've shopped at the mall. Saw a cute shirt for well over a hundred dollars. For that price that bad boy needed to camouflage ever lump and roll, make me look smoking hot, and stay wrinkle free.

Needless to say, we kept on moving. It was nice to get out. The boys asked if we not do that again. But we did hit Olga's which is like our favorite mall restaurant to go to. My Mom used to take us there a lot when the boys were little. Good times.

Then just to mess with their heads (not really, Hubs needed some work pants) we went to the Salvation Army store as they were having a huge evening sale. While we were there I was able to find a few pair of jeans for Jared and the Michael picked out the same navy blue shirt x3. Nicholas found a shirt that is just so him. It said, "By reading this you have given me temporary control of your mind."

That is so him. I can't even type that it is a mystery where he gets it from because too many people know the real truth.

We got a bunch of stuff for like $20. Michael asked why would someone pay $150 for a shirt when you can get something similar for way less. I had to give him a crash course on name brand verse knock off brand. He said he thinks his early opinion that our future society is doomed still stands to be correct and no wonder the economy is in the toilet. We did ask him about quality and he said it should depend on what the item will be used for. And that should determine whether you spend the bigger bucks or cut corners. He said it makes more sense to spend $1 on a T-shirt that he's just going to wear with either pjs or under another shirt than some name brand.

I'm thinking he's going to fly through consumer math with the greatest of ease.

But he did say it was nice to get out and enjoyed Olga's but asked if I could come up with something different next time.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Holy Smokes

Where has everyone gone?? I feel like I'm just talking to myself here on this blog. Wait, that is normal. Oh well. The blog must go on, even if I'm down to 2 readers. Not like I ever thought this was going to go places but it's weird how a lot of the blog community shifts. My regular Interpeeps have stop commenting and a lot of blog buds have stopped blogging.

While I'm sure there are some people that really wish I would pull the plug, and there are days it sounds pretty tempting, I'm worried I would be forever stuck playing facebook games because I am that bored. The blog at least gives me an excuse to do something else as I avoid the laundry.

I ran into a lady we used to go to church with the other day. After she recovered from her shock, she started in with all those questions that I have to wonder why she would care anyway. I guess the watering hole needs some new gossip. I had to chuckle as I got hosed with the questions. What's going on with the house? Where are we going to church? And my favorite - What are you going to do???

We still don't know what is going on with the house. BofA whole foreclosure department was shut down due to fraud. There are bigger fish to fry and here we sit. And we are okay with that. Do I like not knowing what is around the corner? No. But we don't have much choice in the matter so we took a deep breath and leaned back against God and figured He'd let us know.

I could get all technical about how we are the church and all that but I'm not. All I can say is I know that our family is right where God wants us. We're doing bible studies together and individually and I'm seeing good fruit and growth on all accounts. And I still feel that people suck. Have I forgiven? Yes. But I'm still struggling on what to do with the hurt.

I was listening to a series on being in the place you are meant to be and walking in that grace to carry it out. I can so see - NOW - how there were certain people we should not have attached to and how it had opened us up to attacks. Needless to say, I'm in no hurry to attach to the wrong people. I'm tired of people jumping to conclusions and thinking they know what I'm thinking - all without asking me. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's a pretty dumb approach to relationships. It doesn't matter how well you know someone, you can't possible know what all a person is thinking.

On top of that, we have a feeling we will be leaving the state before the year is up. We've run into too many closed doors and have no desire to stay. Of course, the unknown is oh so tempting but oh so scary as well. There are some days we are chomping at the bit to come on already, LET'S GO!! And other days we're not ready. We started this year with all of us having a sense that change - good change - was coming and that it's time to move on. Things are in motion but the waiting, waiting, oh dear Lord, the waiting is a struggle.

I was having a really down day. Being the natural social person that I am and not having that outlet made it worse. However, I took comfort in scriptures on this particular day, to stir myself up. To talk to myself of hang in there girl! You've come a long way and on a road that a lot of people have not traveled. Those down, dark days want to say that the story is over and there is no happy ending but I have to hang on to the hope, and the belief, that that is a load of bull. Better days are coming. We may be tired of winter, even though it's only February and have ways to go. We may want Spring but the season hasn't run it's course yet. The bug isn't out of the system yet. It ain't over yet and there is nothing I can do to make it hurry up and get over with. No amount of wringing my hands has made this ship sail faster.

So what is a person to do? Joyce Meyer said might as well enjoy the journey. I have not enjoyed the journey! But I am learning a lot. And whether I have friends applauding my steps or not, or "friends" throwing stones in my path, I know that God is right here with me walking along the same path. I've struggled with being mad at Him for not making the path stone free, or having a better cheering section but, thankfully, He's still here.

I know all of us are going through something. If you aren't, hang tight, I'm sure you will shortly. No matter what path you find yourself on, YOU CAN DO THIS. I say that with confidence because you must being doing something right to be taking this much crap. Hang on to that fact that Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith. In Joanna speak that means He's not done yet. It feels like it's over and there is nothing good left to be had. If that where true, we would go home to heaven. You're still here. I'm still here. The story ain't over.

But I have been told by a lot of "leaders" I am not someone of quality, have no worth other than to stack chairs or work in the nursery, that I don't fit the mold, I don't have the IT factor going on for me.

And that's before they get warmed up as I've heard worse.

It's like I'm too naughty to be a good girl but too good to be a bad girl.

I keep waiting for God to say, "Oh myself, will you just hold still so I can wipe that gunk off of you?" I have boys and had one that I had to tackle and pin him down with my legs just to wipe his nose. It was after one such wrestling match that God said, "Huh, reminds me of you."

Hilarious.

But oh, so stinking true!

May you be encouraged to keep on keeping on. No, things have not gone to plan but keep pressing into Him, find your place so you can get your grace. I find it interesting that once certain relationships have been severed that while some circumstances had to run its course, a lot of other things got better. A lot better. Coincidence? I think not.

A cousin of mine sent me a CD of the dangers of not being in church and how people backslide. Stuff like that makes me wonder - didn't they take their relationship with God outside the 4 walls? If it takes sitting in a church pew to keep my relationship with God on track than dear me, I have a problem. I want a relationship with God. I want to know Him. To be in the place that He wants me to be.

It's just too bad that some people have gone out of their way to block that but I know that He knows and at least we gave it a try but now it's time to shake the dust off and move on.

I find myself in situations over and over where there is no one to walk along side me, no one to encourage me as they are too busy jumping to conclusions or completely stabbing me in the back. If you're in that same boat, take heart - be encouraged and do what David did; he stirred himself up, encouraged himself, and no one was going to keep him down. What satan thought for sure would take you down, you're going to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep at it. It will drive him insane. And that is worth the price of a dust bath!

So how's that semi-sermon for not having my butt in a church pew?

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Whoops

Why I am upright at 3 am is beyond me. It was a long day to boot. I even gave all the guys hair cuts and I'm sitting here all itchy from the hair clippings.

It was sort of a day where there was much wringing of the hands. I am a very close personal friend to procrastination and have fallen behind on grading the boys' algebra. Slugged through all of that - times 2 - and have come to the conclusion I still hate algebra.

The guys are doing really well and are holding down an A/B. If I would get around to it and figure out all the percentages and averages I would know if they fell on the A side or the B side.

I'm sure I'll get to it some day.

The funny side to this is thanks to Hubs having to help the boys out and explain math junk, karma has decided to reward him. While I'm not supposed to say anything, Hubs is taking some online courses as he is in the process of huge change but can't go there yet. He had 3 sections on math and wouldn't you know it, he flew right through it. He said helping the boys blew the dust off of those early math stuff and totally came in handy.

The boys, however, hearing that algebra would come around again in the future did not cheer them up. Matter of fact, a very long rant of the evils of algebra was had after this realization. And that was just from me.

So all this math talk brought out the need for chocolate. The guys polished off all the Valentine's candy and they were pilfering through my stash. Desperate times call for desperate measures and I made a Hot Fudge Pie. It was easy and good but wasn't what I was expecting.

Pie Crust
Brownie Batter
1/2 cup chocolate sauce
chopped nuts - walnuts or pecans.

Pie crust is my nemesis so I only use the cut open and unroll type. Put in pie plate; mix up brownie batter and dump into pie crust. Squirt chocolate sauce (duh Hershey's - what else?) on top and sprinkle with nuts. Bake 350 40-45 minutes. Serve warm with ice cream.

It was really good and weird all at the same time. You would think there would be a brownie texture but you would be really wrong. It turned into hot fudge sauce with a slight cake like topping but all in a pie crust . Serve it with ice cream and this was beyond yum.

And I just remembered that some of you are dieting and on a sugar fast. You now hate me. And you really should because that bad boy was awesome!! I don't know which I like more, this or the peppermint brownies.

I better go into hiding before people start throwing things in my direction. If it makes you feel better, I've been neck deep plotting and planning for next year's school stuff and I was beyond miserable.

At least I was until I had a slice of this pie.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Hot Babe I Ain't

Especially when I have been battling the power of the pillow. For whatever reason, I didn't get much sleep the night before. Went to bed at the normal time of oh, dear Lord, why do I do this to myself? But some evil telemarketer called at oh dark thirty and it woke me up.

There was much cussing to be had in my head and I may, or may not, have wished a thousand evil Mondays on that person's head.

Tossing and turning was to be had until I gave up and got up. This may have been a fatal flaw, because ever since then my pillow was singing come back to me love songs that I just can't seem to get out of my head.

Everything I had done had not revived me.

I had a nice dinner all planned out for the guys and now I'm thinking screw it, time to thaw out hot dog buns. Which is a shame because call me sentimental, or just mental, but I think Valentine's Day is just another day. And I say that totally in a non bitter tone. I know. How shocking for this blog to not have a bitter tone for once?

How weird.

Hubby does not like to be told WHEN to be all romantic. And the first few years we were together he worked as a restaurant manager and he still shudders to this day at the mention of certain holidays and restaurant are all in the same sentence. Once this happens, it is safe to say that Elvis has left the building because dude is trying to find a happy place.

Besides we both think the day is lame but hey bring on the chocolate and we're all cool with that.

I did serve up hot dogs but made a Coney Island meat sauce and had canned cheez, cuz we are classy, and served it up with a can of Coke. After all the burping, the guys cheered me as being a true chick any man would be proud to have.

I'm still not sure how to respond to that. Especially since that came from the 11 year old.

After dinner I knew I was in trouble and didn't stand a chance at staying awake. I had laid down on the love seat which was a mistake but I can say my eyelids are free from any pinholes. Many hours later, after my bladder threatened to make a huge scene, I got up. I went to move and my left knee was sort of locked in a bent position.

So there was my hot self, hobbling to the bathroom with massive scare hair and hangover chocolate breath. I was so not feeling it. Hubby dear said I am really cute when I sleep. He's not fooling me, he likes me unconscious so I won't bug him with questions like tell me what are you thinking and every thought you had all day. Questions like those usually cause him to twitch and run screaming from the room.

If he ever catches on I do that on purpose, I may have a problem on my hands.

But this means I may be in for a loooong night. I don't feel fully awake so maybe I'll get lucky and Mr. Pillow will knock me out. One can hope. Sort of gives a whole new spin on getting lucky doesn't it?

Friday, February 11, 2011

Long Day Of Epic Fail

I'm not sure at what moment it dawned on me that there really isn't a good time for life to have a hissy fit. You always end up muttering not now. Okay, if not now, then when? Because I'm betting money there never is a good time.

The day started off with a clogged toilet. Not just any toilet - the dreaded upstairs toilet. When this house was built, indoor plumbing didn't exist so we have a tiny little bathroom. This bathroom has always grossed me out so I avoid it and only use it for emergencies like in the middle of the night so I don't have to look at it. Ever.

So there I was with a trembling hand, wielding a nasty plunger. There is no waiting till Hubby poo gets home. There should be a law about a ratio of people vs. toilets. The more people you have, the more toilets are needed. Going down to one is just not an option. Got that done in like 20 seconds flat. It was not my first turd wrangle.

I just grossed myself out. That may be a first.

Then the next wrinkle in the day came with the realization that it has been super cold here. Wednesday I could not get warm enough. I was layered and was wrapped in blankets. That was all good until I had to get up. It's been c-c-cold!! I've been avoiding the laundry for days. Jared is holding his last pair of jeans hostage for emergency and since we just went grocery shopping, I may be able to hold out for another day or seven.

Probably not.

But I did check the washer before going to all the hassle of pretending to do laundry. I had to run hot water in the bathroom before trying to turn on the washer. It worked but I still put off doing a load. Maybe that was when my good house keeping karma decided to attack.

I was cooking dinner and was just minutes away from putting a casserole into the oven when sparks, flames, and me screaming was to be had. Turns out the heating element in the oven went ker-blewy. Literally.

Dinner and a show, except no dinner.

Oven was dead. Would not heat up. We had my folks' stove in our garage. There was nothing wrong with it other than just sitting in a garage for the past 5 years. Hubs tried to clean it up in the garage but the hot water quickly froze over. So he dragged it into the kitchen and totally cleaned the thing up and switch-o-change-o. Hauled the broken stove out onto the porch, helped me totally clean the kitchen, and then I was able to finish dinner well over an hour later. I could tell the guys were starving because I'm not sure how much even touched their plate before it was gone.

Guess it was a good thing we weren't able to sell the stove during the garage sale. It was also a good thing Hubby was able to get to it and it wasn't buried under stuff. It was also great that we aren't having to buy a new one. Saving all my pennies for a van. Hopefully.

But I think I better do laundry before I anger anything else.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Staying Alive, Staying Alive

Ah, ah, ah, ah - staying alive!

At least for the moment.

So things went well with Mom. Couldn't get her to shut up but hey, no yelling was involved. I didn't even flinch when she told me I'm a bitter person who will be destroyed unless I get rid of it. I had to chuckle because golly gee, with encouragement like that, it truly is a wonder why I don't snap out of things faster.

Cricket, cricket

I think the guys are just now forgiving me for the visit. But Jared was all snuggled up to his grandma as we watched a movie, loving every second of it. Seems like there are no easy answers. I hear people say that life is black and white. On some issues, I'm not so sure.

On happier thoughts, Mom got a lot done and the bride-to-be is getting all excited. I think a certain bakery needs to thank me because ever since my wedding many moons ago, all the family is STILL talking about how wonderful the cake was. We're going on 17 years of marriage here people and that cake comes up at every family reunion.

Who knew I had such power? It's really more like behold, the fat chick will know what is the best thang out there. Thankyouverymuch.

So Mom was rubbing it in that they got to sample stuff and sho'nuff they went with the raspberry cream filled just like we picked out. Many.moons.ago.

I sat and listened to all the details and nodded. My Mom gave them tons to think about as there were details they hadn't even thought of. What can I say? This is not Mom's first rodeo. She knows what she is doing. I'm just happy never to go through that again in my life.

Mom and I were up early and just chatted. I got her to cut my hair. I think she thought I said I wanted to be scalped and she delivered. I know you're thinking you can't believe I let her near me with a sharp object, but she saved me money on a cut, not to mention I would have had to wait for Hubby dear to take me.

Ah, no thanks.

She pixie cut it and Sassy fits even better. With my hair now almost down to the nub, Mom kept going on and on about how much gray hair I have. I had just did a root touch up job about a week ago. I told her she should have seen how bad it was then. Mom was telling me I should stop coloring it. I don't have gray hair - my temples are silver - just.like.my.mom's!! I will pause for a moment to try and come up some nice way of saying NO!!! Maybe when I'm 40-ish I'll let it go. Or not. I'm still slightly traumatized from a cousin telling me I'm spitting image of my Mom.


Oh, I was spitting but I'm not sure if it was from my image.

Hubs was a bit traumatized from how short it is which really cracks me up. I wear a flipping wig you nut job - who cares what my real hair looks like? This is coming from the man who thinks I should stop coloring my hair for the same reason.

I'll just let out a sigh that says men, you can't explain some things even if you draw pictures.

All in all, Hubby dear was happy to come home to a in-law free zone. And then we loaded up the spawn and went grocery shopping because we like to live on the edge.

I felt really bad for Hubs. It was one of those jobs where the furniture was supposed to be moved but wasn't so they had to move everything and then plaster the ceiling and then move everything back. Dude was dragging his butt through stuffmart. I felt so bad I drove Clifford home for him.

I'll leave out that I almost got us stuck in our own driveway. I guess the back end did not appreciate going over that mountain of snow. Whoopsies.

I would like to tell you something hilarious happened to us at wally world but that would be a big no. I am, however, still creeped out. I was chatting away with our favorite gal cashier when 4 guys - not much older than my boys - came right up to me and one kept trying to get a peep at my pin number on my debit card as I was trying to pay. I used my billfold to block the key pad but he was constantly hovering near me. I noticed he was looking at my card. Now I'm sending massive prayers that the jerk didn't get the full number. I put my card away and dude was still checking out my wallet.

What really gets me is this little punk hasn't had to work a day in his life. None of them did as you could tell by their clothes and yet he's trying to find out my info to rip me off??? I'm still bothered by it. Michael was really bothered by it as well. He said the guy was only inches behind my back and the way he was acting - this wasn't his first time spying on someone.

When we were leaving, they came right up behind me. I made sure my purse was in front of me and God help them if they would have even breathed on me. It would have been go time. I am beyond frustrated with money. New year means redo all the unemployment crap. Hubs did and we are STILL waiting to get money from January. I've been late on our vehicle insurance because I want to make sure we have food before I pay the bills. Phone calls have been made and we are still waiting. So for some little jack-wagon to think he's going to snatch my purse? I don't think so!

I have been taught to always be aware of my surroundings. I gave them no opportunity. But I could tell they were looking for one. Creeped me out. It's one thing to know evil is out there, it's another when it gives you a once over.

All while just trying to get groceries.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Can I Have Another?

Another what you may ask. Why another visit from my mother, of course.

Pause for weeping and wailing

It turns out mumsy is doing another wedding. The woman can make flower arrangements like no body's bizness! I can not count how many occasions she has pulled together over the years. I think just about every cousin on both sides of the family has used her for their wedding and everyone has look very professional. For family, she just has them cover the cost. So it turns out the next generation of cousins has tuned into this and there is another round of weddings.

This means Mom is going to be busy. Having been wing man on these projects many times, I wondered if that was what my Mom called about. The happy note of this is because I don't have a working vehicle, I'm excused from joining in on all this. How I was able to keep from snickering is beyond me. But Mom called to see if she could stay the night with us and then take off in the morning to continue on their massive planning.

Oh happy time.

But at least I'm not being dragged along so I will have to cling to that little thread. However, I am being given the stank eye from the guys. Should remain to be interesting.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Revenge Of Mailman Bob

We no longer have cranky old mailman Bob anymore. If I wasn't so lazy I would link to all the post about Mr. Cranky McCrankerton but I don't feel like it.

Snarky - it's what I do best.

Not sure when he left our route but I can't say as I miss him or his cranky ways. Sure it may have been fun for him to cram our mail in just a way that shredded everything, but for me, I could do without all my mail pre-opened. And as many times as it happened, I'm pretty sure it was done on purpose.

So it was with a light heart that I tried to mow him down while he crossed the road bid him farewell with my middle finger best Miss America wave that I could muster. I sighed a big sigh knowing that my shredded mail days were over. And so far, his replacement has lived up to delivering shred free mail.

It's just too bad he can't get our address right.

Being the crazy woman that I am gracious person that I sometimes pretend to be, I really could understand the first 3 times it happened. After all, dude was a newbie and was learning the ropes. But as the months have gone on, it has gotten worse. One day there was a huge stack of mail in the mailbox. Granted not a one was shredded but there were only two pieces out of the whole pile that was ours.

That's when we started leaving notes.

Little post it notes of gentle reminders that said things like, 'wrong address' or 'wrong again'. Sadly, this did not stop mailman stupid, so it has eventually graduated to 'hey stupid, can't you tell the difference between a 3 and a 7???'

This did cause mailman stupid to straighten up and actually pay attention - for two whole weeks. We're not sure but we think the cold weather froze his brain. Last week he just decided to dump the whole block's mail in our tiny mailbox and probably went home. Huge pile of mail and not one of it was address to either of us.

Hubby put our address number in stickers on the mailbox hoping the guy would get the hint. He restrained from hanging an arrow pointing at the numbers. I hope the guy was insulted but have a feeling he was relieved as he can't seem to remember which house is which on our street. So far, mailman stupid has been able to match the numbers.

But I'm pretty sure mailman Bob is laughing his a$$ off.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Because I AM That Mean

I made the guys do school work and quietly laughed about it and slept in because Hubs was home. Then I spent most of the day reading. It was wonderful.

I have to say that those peppermint patty brownies were delicious BUT were hard as hockey pucks the next day. Had to reheat the things and, of course, served with more ice cream. While a few people are cussing me out for even mentioning it, there are a few that have no clue what I'm talking about.

Peppermint Patty Brownies - make brownie batter for a 13x9, reserve 1 cup worth. Spread rest of batter into greased 13x9 pan, unwrap a butt load of peppermint patties and make a single layer on top of batter. Spread remaining batter on top, bake according to package directions.

I read about this recipe in a book. It is easy and it is good. What more could you ask for?

I got a few phone calls to see if we were surviving. I cracked and said nope, totally did not survive and you are just listening to my finally message. 2 people thought it was funny, 1 did not. Leave it to my Mom to suck the joy out of sarcasm. The only thing worse is people who don't get it. They truly have my pity.

We survived. Didn't lose power. Just another day in frozen nose hair land.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Snow, Snow, And More Snow

I think the weathermen are all bored and are hyped up on energy drinks as we have been pelted with constant SNOW!!! IT'S COMING AND IT'S GOING TO BE BAD!!!!

It's like talking to J when he's all jacked up on sugar. Which is most of the time.

From what I heard this here snow storm of '11 is being compared to the blizzard of '78. I was 4 and I sort of remember it. I remember that the snow was taller than me and I was only outside for a little bit because when everything is taller than you - you can't do much or make it that far.

My Mom called to make sure I've got enough milk and bread, and if we have wood on the porch and gas for the snow blower. Part of me wanted to jerk her chain and tell her no, we are so screwed and have no way of getting any of that just to see what she would do. Luckily for her, I restrain myself because with my luck she would brave the storm just to bring me a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk.

I wish I was kidding. It's not all wow, she has my back. It's more like hey, I'm bored and I want something to do. I so understand this feeling now.

I reassured her like several times that we were set. Sadly a snarky remark slip out that I'm sure after years of living in the snow belt, we got it pretty figured out by now. She said that they are to get ice and some snow. My MIL said that are only getting ice. I guess I'll take the snow if those are my choices.

So if we get snow and Mr. Groundhog doesn't see his shadow as we're too busy being buried alive, does this mean an early Spring? From what the weather people are saying it will take us that long to deal with all the snow so I say we drop kick the rodent and call it even.

But this means that I need to watch Groundhog Day. I might make it a marathon - see how many times we can watch it back to back before one of the spawn start to twitch.

I thought the snow wasn't going to show up until Tuesday evening but it's already snowing hard now. I shouldn't be surprised. Last I heard the weatherman was screaming to run to the store and get 3 melons to prepare for the ice age. Ba-dum-bum-bum.