Friday, February 18, 2011

Holy Smokes

Where has everyone gone?? I feel like I'm just talking to myself here on this blog. Wait, that is normal. Oh well. The blog must go on, even if I'm down to 2 readers. Not like I ever thought this was going to go places but it's weird how a lot of the blog community shifts. My regular Interpeeps have stop commenting and a lot of blog buds have stopped blogging.

While I'm sure there are some people that really wish I would pull the plug, and there are days it sounds pretty tempting, I'm worried I would be forever stuck playing facebook games because I am that bored. The blog at least gives me an excuse to do something else as I avoid the laundry.

I ran into a lady we used to go to church with the other day. After she recovered from her shock, she started in with all those questions that I have to wonder why she would care anyway. I guess the watering hole needs some new gossip. I had to chuckle as I got hosed with the questions. What's going on with the house? Where are we going to church? And my favorite - What are you going to do???

We still don't know what is going on with the house. BofA whole foreclosure department was shut down due to fraud. There are bigger fish to fry and here we sit. And we are okay with that. Do I like not knowing what is around the corner? No. But we don't have much choice in the matter so we took a deep breath and leaned back against God and figured He'd let us know.

I could get all technical about how we are the church and all that but I'm not. All I can say is I know that our family is right where God wants us. We're doing bible studies together and individually and I'm seeing good fruit and growth on all accounts. And I still feel that people suck. Have I forgiven? Yes. But I'm still struggling on what to do with the hurt.

I was listening to a series on being in the place you are meant to be and walking in that grace to carry it out. I can so see - NOW - how there were certain people we should not have attached to and how it had opened us up to attacks. Needless to say, I'm in no hurry to attach to the wrong people. I'm tired of people jumping to conclusions and thinking they know what I'm thinking - all without asking me. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's a pretty dumb approach to relationships. It doesn't matter how well you know someone, you can't possible know what all a person is thinking.

On top of that, we have a feeling we will be leaving the state before the year is up. We've run into too many closed doors and have no desire to stay. Of course, the unknown is oh so tempting but oh so scary as well. There are some days we are chomping at the bit to come on already, LET'S GO!! And other days we're not ready. We started this year with all of us having a sense that change - good change - was coming and that it's time to move on. Things are in motion but the waiting, waiting, oh dear Lord, the waiting is a struggle.

I was having a really down day. Being the natural social person that I am and not having that outlet made it worse. However, I took comfort in scriptures on this particular day, to stir myself up. To talk to myself of hang in there girl! You've come a long way and on a road that a lot of people have not traveled. Those down, dark days want to say that the story is over and there is no happy ending but I have to hang on to the hope, and the belief, that that is a load of bull. Better days are coming. We may be tired of winter, even though it's only February and have ways to go. We may want Spring but the season hasn't run it's course yet. The bug isn't out of the system yet. It ain't over yet and there is nothing I can do to make it hurry up and get over with. No amount of wringing my hands has made this ship sail faster.

So what is a person to do? Joyce Meyer said might as well enjoy the journey. I have not enjoyed the journey! But I am learning a lot. And whether I have friends applauding my steps or not, or "friends" throwing stones in my path, I know that God is right here with me walking along the same path. I've struggled with being mad at Him for not making the path stone free, or having a better cheering section but, thankfully, He's still here.

I know all of us are going through something. If you aren't, hang tight, I'm sure you will shortly. No matter what path you find yourself on, YOU CAN DO THIS. I say that with confidence because you must being doing something right to be taking this much crap. Hang on to that fact that Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith. In Joanna speak that means He's not done yet. It feels like it's over and there is nothing good left to be had. If that where true, we would go home to heaven. You're still here. I'm still here. The story ain't over.

But I have been told by a lot of "leaders" I am not someone of quality, have no worth other than to stack chairs or work in the nursery, that I don't fit the mold, I don't have the IT factor going on for me.

And that's before they get warmed up as I've heard worse.

It's like I'm too naughty to be a good girl but too good to be a bad girl.

I keep waiting for God to say, "Oh myself, will you just hold still so I can wipe that gunk off of you?" I have boys and had one that I had to tackle and pin him down with my legs just to wipe his nose. It was after one such wrestling match that God said, "Huh, reminds me of you."


But oh, so stinking true!

May you be encouraged to keep on keeping on. No, things have not gone to plan but keep pressing into Him, find your place so you can get your grace. I find it interesting that once certain relationships have been severed that while some circumstances had to run its course, a lot of other things got better. A lot better. Coincidence? I think not.

A cousin of mine sent me a CD of the dangers of not being in church and how people backslide. Stuff like that makes me wonder - didn't they take their relationship with God outside the 4 walls? If it takes sitting in a church pew to keep my relationship with God on track than dear me, I have a problem. I want a relationship with God. I want to know Him. To be in the place that He wants me to be.

It's just too bad that some people have gone out of their way to block that but I know that He knows and at least we gave it a try but now it's time to shake the dust off and move on.

I find myself in situations over and over where there is no one to walk along side me, no one to encourage me as they are too busy jumping to conclusions or completely stabbing me in the back. If you're in that same boat, take heart - be encouraged and do what David did; he stirred himself up, encouraged himself, and no one was going to keep him down. What satan thought for sure would take you down, you're going to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep at it. It will drive him insane. And that is worth the price of a dust bath!

So how's that semi-sermon for not having my butt in a church pew?


Dianne said...

I'm still here. With my perfect self. According to your definitions here, I must be snicker snicker (dang now I want chocolate). After 6 inches of snow a week ago, we are now in the 70's. Come one down!

Kerri said...

So am I one of the good ones left? Or am I the conclusion jumper? Glad you're feeling hopeful. It's good to see!

rthling said...

And here I was under conviction and everything about how I haven't blogged in a while, and now, if I post something, you might think it's just a pity post.
Kinda like when Shawn brings home flowers after I whine about him never bringing me flowers. (isn't that a song?) To little, to late, sucka.
Yeah, well, you can't get rid of me that easily. I have a story to post and you ain't gonna stop me.

Edwina at The Picket Fence said...

I haven't left, I read your post when I get a chance and they always make me laugh or encourage me. You HANG in there, life is rough and no we don't know what is around the corner, but we DO know WHO is around the corner and he will take care of you and me. :)

jubilee said...

Also still reading! :) You have made my "quote post" (will be up tomorrow, btw). <>