Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Clearly I Need To Step Up My Game

Apparently my game of crazy has lost its touch. I know! That statement is truly shocking. Sadly, I am at a loss on how to step it up a notch or 70. I thought I had this crazy train screaming wide open for all it was worth. Maybe not.

I know that I am not the only woman out there that suffers from their husbands lack of attention to conversation, or LOATC, as I am now calling it. I can't count how many times I am talking to my husband and even though he pretends to be part of the conversation, he really isn't. It's like my voice hits a frequency that he can not hear. At first I thought it was some hearing loss but I observed the same thing from his parents.

This does not bode well.

Now it seems my spawn are all picking up this manly trait. I apologize if there are males out there that actually listen but I'm pretty sure that is just an urban myth and they really don't exist.

Judging from my Monday, I'm must be having some PMS issues but it certainly doesn't help when the males of the house all of the sudden stopped hearing my voice and aren't doing what they are told to do. Little things like take out the trash, or go do this or that. I'm getting a lot of "I didn't hear you". Seriously?? I come from a long line of screaming women. When my mom called us, garage doors flew open all over the neighborhood and the dog about flopped over in a seizure. I can bring it when it needs to be brung.

And if you got that - you're my people.

I'm sitting here right now with my left eyelid twitching. It is totally creeping me out. And I can't make it stop. I'm pretty sure if it is left over stress from the day. But it's weird because I didn't think it was all that stressful of a day. Just another same stuff different day.

My eyelid totally disagrees.

We ran a few errands, got the guys shamrock shakes while Hubs and I had frappes, and then I got to finish the grocery list, comb through all the useless coupons I have, and went grocery shopping. Walk in the park.

Have you seen that commercial where the guy walks in the house and proudly sets a can of peas on the table and says peas? The wife looks at him like he's an idiot and says corn and the guy is all like oh corn as he heads back out to the store. That is sort of the story of my life with Hubs.

I have tons of examples where something needs to get done, I remind Hubs, he snips at me and then proceeds to forget some part of the equation thus sealing his 'I are an arse' status, and then I lose it, told I over react only to have this play out all over again with the next thing that needs to be done.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

Like I said, I hope all the evidence points to him for the loss of sanity. And he is infecting my children. Right now I think my eyelid is cussing him out in Morse code or something.

So today we had another example of Dude won't listen and has the memory bank the size of a freckle. Dude went and got all huffy with me and then he proceeded to forget. He also knew I was a bit um, moody and since this was the 3rd thing in a row he didn't listen to, I totally lost it. While I am sitting there - smoke smoldering off my head - the guys all talked about wow, I must be all moody like and asked their dad if he should stop and get me some chocolate so I would chill out. All this was said right in front of me as if I wasn't there and this was their powwow on how to handle mom.

If I make it on the 6 o'clock news - don't be surprised.

I think the frappe was his attempt to buy me off, except it was my idea to begin with. He just agreed to it awfully fast.

I was hoping their stupid would go away because I was having zero luck on getting rid of my crazy. No such luck and what joy, we were off to stuffmart. Normally this would have had disaster written all over it, but the place was really busy and it was all we could do to navigate through the place and grab what we could.

In the middle of all this, Nicholas was picking on Jared the entire time. Once N starts, he doesn't stop. He will push every button the boy has and then when I have to get on N's case, I get the 'you always take his side'. That was from the age 11-14. While these days he is no where near that bad and hasn't pulled this one in a long time, it was still the wrong move for him to take.

There I am getting in his face in the frozen food section. It has been a long time since I've had to do that to him. To my absolute shock and horror, I found myself missing the terrible 2 stage. You know why? You can manhandle them at that stage and people expect you to give them a swat on the butt. Can you get away with that with someone taller than you? I'm thinking no.

By this time, I am dragging myself to the checkout lines only to discover the lines where crazy long. I'll give stuffmart credit, they called all hands on deck and had well over 10 lanes open. But there was still a lot of people.

A lot of ugly people.

Trouble with my spawn is, well they act too much like Hubs and I. What were they thinking? They too noticed the extreme amount of ugly going on. Not to mention that the local trend is to go out in public wearing pj bottoms, snow boots, whatever shirt they could find and some type of jacket. All with their hair either pulled back into a ponytail OR shoved under a hat.

High class around these here parts.

While we were standing in line to check out, there was a group of the uglies who were rather loud and well, just ugly with each other. Trapped in line, no where to go someone from our group said, rather loudly, "What, did they have a sale on ugly? Because there are a few too many people that have more than their fair share."

I couldn't tell you what happened after that. I think I blanked out or something. When I came to we were outside chucking the grocery bags in the back of the van like our lives depended on it.

But it seems my special brand of crazy is going to have to go all gangster like to keep this crew in line. Wonder if I can get a padded cell with a window - hope it has a view.


grandmamargie said...

I don't think they have many windows. So, be good.

Julie said...

My husband converses well with me... But the REMEMBERING what we talked about?! A whole 'nother matter. ;)

rthling said...

I'm guessing since I snorted with laughter about Momma and her screamin, that I'm your kinda people.
Nice to know. =-)