Friday, April 1, 2011

The Day Should Have Gone Better

Last couple of days the twins have been doing a lot of square roots in their math. Those things are still just as evil as I remembered. I took pity on them and had them use calculators when they were hitting 3 digits and had to find decimals. I think it was the only thing that kept Michael's head from exploding.

I still feel it is morally wrong to force my kids to do algebra especially since I hated it with an everlasting hate. But that is the way the cookie crumbles.

Since the sun was shining and we're supposed to get crappy weather next few days, I decided to load them up and go run pointless errands. I listed where all we were going and I was asked what did we need from each store. I asked for the definition of need. I was given the definition of need and was then asked if it was in that frame of definition.

My husband has been cloned and they all stalk me.

I reminded them I'm the fun parent to which they said I'm the one that makes them haul all the laundry up and down the stairs, force them to take out the trash, and harp on them to do schoolwork, as well as insist they bathe verses their dad takes them hiking, builds things with them, has Nerf wars, never comments on their stale corn chip smell, and offers help with their schoolwork where as I tell them to read it again. Therefore they did not feel my definition of fun and theirs was the same.

There's a big shock.

I shrugged and said ok we can go back home and do more schoolwork to which they were real quick to get with the program and said I was loads of fun and to carry on with whatever I was planning.

They picked up on that waaay faster than their father. Must have got that from me.

Nicholas was not happy with me because I had planned on getting Tangled. He also realized I totally forgot about it and so did Jared who is my partner in all things animated. Rat fink did not remind me and gloated about it. Teenage boys have learned not to verbalize this gloating but they have yet to master the smug look that gives them away every.single.time.

There is always another day.

Watched American Idol - loved Scotty/Lauren duet and can't say as I was surprised by the results as I totally agreed with it.

As I was sitting down to write this blog post about what our day was like, the dog started going crazy. As in I'm being eaten alive crazy.

I'll point out that Hubby dear was already in bed. Asleep.

I go out there armed with flashlight trying to figure out what the hey. Thought there was a critter in the dog house. Made boys go grab their dad, who I'm pretty sure didn't have anything nice to say about me, my mother, or the dog that he has been saddled with.

I thought the whole bat thing and squirrel thing were the epic of fail for this place. The bats still hold the record even beating out Rocky Raccoon. We now have a new member of the Over the Hedge clan that seems bent on tormenting us.

First round, Hubs could find nothing. I was given evil glare and he went back to bed. I shot back that if he would have put the dog down months ago like I had suggested, he wouldn't be up dealing with a dog sounding like it's being brutal murdered at midnight.

He did not applaud my observation for some reason.

Round two had more sounds of savage barking with snarling tossed in. I go out with the flashlight and saw the end of a tail behind the dog's house. Came flying back into the house where I quickly and urgently called for Hubby.

It was right at that moment I had the feeling I was going to owe him a booty call.

Turns out it was an opossum. Let the record show that this guy had no intention of "playing dead". It made eye contact and everything. It showed no sign of being scared. Matter of fact, it acted a bit miffed off that we were messing with his new hidey-hole and did not feel like leaving the area.

The worthless dog, that is several sizes bigger than the opossum, did nothing but stand there and shake. If she would have had hands to wring, she would have wrung them. Dear Lord, the dog acts like me!!

I can only hope Hubby doesn't make that connection or there will be no living that one down.

So Hubs thought back to his critter wrangling episodes and remembered that pepper spray worked well with getting rid of the squirrels. That and getting tagged in the butt with a paintball. He grabs the can, he hosed the opossum down - it didn't do squat! Still no playing dead, no making a break for it, just sat there and looked at Hubs with the look of "is that all you got?" going on. I saw the look and everything as I was, yet again, holding the light.

I couldn't tell you what happened after that because I had to go in the house as it was making me hack. Dude could kiss that booty call goodbye!

He was rather surprised that it didn't really do anything but sit there. So he grabbed the shovel and was in the process of hauling out the dog house to club the sucker to death when it picked up on the fact that golly gee, these people want me to scram.

The funny part was as the thing lumbers off - not a get the heck out of dodge pace but a fine, I'm going pace - the dog follows it, ever so slowly but acts all yeah, you better run and don't let me see your mug again!

But now the dog won't go near her house because hello the back end got hosed with pepper spray and is at this very moment by the window whining at me.

Hubby is not happy - he's got to be at work nice an extra early tomorrow and then Saturday my folks are coming in for a visit. I have a feeling words are going to be had. I'm thinking I may have to put the offer of booty back on the table.


Julie said...

I let Jared use the calculator for those kinds of math problems too. I figure that as long as he knows how to work the problems, that using it won't hurt...

rthling said...

I have found, in my 16+ years of marriage, that a booty call covers a multitude of sins. That and a cold glass of freshly brewed iced tea. :-)

Joanna said...

Julie we are thinking alike.

D - you know it! So who gets the iced tea? ;)

Melissa said...

Oh, absolutely there needs to be booty!

However, you need to get something for you too (Maybe booty? tmi!) for doing the math with the kids! I don't know how you didn't end your life right there!

jubilee said...

Wow, what a day!