I think I have lost all sense of time. I even asked the guys if they would go back to doing school work or something to keep me on track. Once they stopped laughing, I was given 'the look' that pretty much equals death warmed over, chilled, and then slightly reheated.
It wasn't a pretty look, I'll give them that.
Hubby hasn't worked in over a week. Luckily, I haven't killed him. We had plans for this weekend but thanks to government being what they are - he didn't get his unemployment check until he emailed them and then the released the money on Memorial Day. Thus trampling all plans that we had because hey! things take money.
So it turned into just another day in paradise.
I could not have that happening, so I forced the guys to take a shower just to mess with their heads because they kept asking, "where are we going?" Only to have me say no where and toss back my head and cackle.
I am so evil.
Keeping with my theme of evilness, I forced Hubs to put in all the window air-conditioner units. So 3 rooms will be comfy and all the other rooms, including the kitchen, will be hot as Hades. Is it wrong that I dream of central air??
We did try to salvage the weekend. I forced my peeps to go see Kung Fu Panda 2. It wasn't as good as the first and I won't be buying it. Besides the fact that Nicholas begged me not to even consider it. I told him rest assured, it won't happen. I have already been informed that the only possible way we can make it up to them is to take them to see the new X-Men movie that is coming out.
I'll get working on that.
We had to run into stuffmart and ran into some former friends. Blah, blah kisses were had, plans were made, promises were given aaannnd then didn't hear anything from them and all attempts at calling went unanswered. I can't say as I'm surprised but I still don't get people. Whatever happened to do what you say? If you don't want to have anything to do with us why sit there and blow smoke up our butts when you have no intention of doing what you said you would do? A hi nice to see you and keep on going is much nicer than that.
It's okay though - another example to show my kids how not to behave. And what happiness! It's not coming from me!!!
But on a happier note, Saturday we got in the mail the whole business fail tax mix up thing is all squared away and even got a we're sorry you sucked at your business. Ok, not quite but that's how it felt. Finally got a couple things squared away. And major sigh of relief was to be had.
Hubby is going to grill maple BBQ chicken while I come up with some sort of side dish which is what I'm supposed to be doing right now. I guess I better slump into the hot as Hades kitchen and get going on that. You can tell I am just bursting with joy to be doing this. I can almost feel the happy starting to build up that will propel me out of my chair and into the kitchen.
Any second now.
Just a few more seconds, I'm almost sure of it.
Or maybe it's a bunch of seconds clump together to equal a minute.
Any minute now....
Monday, May 30, 2011
I think I have lost all sense of time. I even asked the guys if they would go back to doing school work or something to keep me on track. Once they stopped laughing, I was given 'the look' that pretty much equals death warmed over, chilled, and then slightly reheated.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
But American Idol was just awesome. I was laughing about James and Casey trying to argue who was the most shocking elimination. I was so happy for Scotty and got teary-eyed watching Scotty hug is family and then laughed when Jack Black was all like where's my hug?
Lauren and Scotty - could be the new Faith and Tim.
Those 2 were just so sweet together. And makes me wonder how long was THAT going on??? I thought they acted like brother and sister so I was a bit slow on that one.
It was nice to see the whole gang back. Thought there were a few who were sore losers. But it was nice to see that character won in the end.
I really enjoyed this season and I thought Steven made a better Paula. Enjoyed the ride!
And now I have nothing to watch.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Who knew, right?
Hubby hasn't had work this week. Gosh, it is such a stretch to figure out why he's changing jobs. I spent all Monday battling tons of laundry and some other stuff because he's making me look like a complete slacker.
After all this effort, when it came time to cook dinner I had lost the will to cook and tried to hand everyone a celery stick and wished them the best of luck as I passed out on the couch. You can imagine my surprise that this was not well received so a vicious game of rock, paper, scissors was to be had. And I won. So Hubby grilled cheeseburgers and there was rejoicing around the dinner table.
The boys had spent a lot of quality time with the TV and video games so Hubby suggested we go rent a couple movies to kick them off. Only a guy can come up with logic like that and when I pointed that out they didn't see the irony of that statement.
I even used small words and pictures aaaannnnddd they still didn't get it.
But it was an excuse to leave the house with just Hubs. It was so nice to just sit in the van and listen to quiet. With all the video games, smack talk, piano and/or guitar playing, OR someone singing their lungs out - the noise is an issue around here. The angst and the accusations of us mean people stifling their true power and love of music can get to be a bit thick.
Hubby about lost it Sunday. He went off about how there is NEVER a moment of quiet. Do tell. I've only complained about this for months on end. One day I snapped and told everyone to shut the hell up for 1 hour and I heard through the grapevine it was decided I was having a hormone day.
I honestly wasn't but I couldn't take it any more.
So after we sat in the van for 10 minutes to let our ears stop ringing, we headed to the video rental store. Yes, I want to go to the store and look around - anything to get me out of the house and away from the noise. On the way back, I confessed that I am really, really, really happy that we aren't going camping this year and I even apologized for taking a small amount of glee from it. I was thanked for my honesty but mainly because I have not gloated over the fact that we aren't going camping this year. There have been no happy dances
that he's aware of or 5 brazillion comments about glad to not be camping so I was given kudos.
And then I waited until they all went to bed and did the happy dance.
But all that was on Monday and I think I am still to up in the air on the whole Idol thing. I really like both kids but dang if that is Lauren with a blown vocal chord than just hand her the prize right now. Never have I wished so hard for a tie!
Monday, May 23, 2011
That would probably sum up the weekend. I'm just now getting around to write a blog post, mainly because I completely forgot and then lost the will to care.
It also doesn't help that I hit save instead of publish either.
Friday Hubby got home a bit early so we were able to do an early showing of the new Pirate's movie - in 3D. The graphics are just beyond cool if your eyes can handle it. It was a great movie - my only complaint is those mermaids are beyond fierce and I may be slightly scared of the Little Mermaid now. I thought Ursala the sea-witch was bad! She has nothing on these chicks.
But they left it open for another movie and Hubs said that cow ain't dry so why stop a milking?
I was pleased to see the world didn't end and we ended up hitting a couple sales on Saturday. Turns out these kids need clothes. What is up with that? You feed them and then they grow out of everything.
Michael is still beyond picky when it comes to clothes that I may, or may not, have put my head on the table and silently wept. Oh who am I fooling? I never do anything silently. Unless it's passing gas because I find it totally acceptable to squeeze one's butt cheeks together and let things just eek out as I am grossed out when my FIL lifts his leg like a dog and lets it rip.
You so didn't see that one coming, did you?
So the search continues for clothes the boy is willing to wear. He did get a few shirts so I guess I can't entirely complain. Nicholas, on the other hand, may be a clothes horse in the making. Which is sad when you realize we have zero closet space.
The lack of closets is something I am not happy about. I was just complaining about that to Hubs that I just went through all my clothes and weeded out anything that is too big.
Yeah, you read that right - too big.
I've dropped a size in clothes which is great and I'm happy to clean out the closet but I still have no room for stuff. And lately all my plastic hangers brake. I thought a smaller size would lighten the load but it turns out when you have to shove them in tight spaces they tend to snap.
Between cleaning out Jared's dresser, my closet, and shoes that are too small, there are 4 large bags to go to Goodwill. I at least have them bagged up so that has to count for something, right?
Just in time for new clothes to come in and occupy the tiny space. What fun!
Sunday, we are continuing with our family bible study. I haven't really shared a whole lot from what all we've been getting because some stuff isn't my stuff to share but it has been good! We're going through 2 books right now. One is about spiritual warfare and the other one is about total forgiveness. Oh my word, are the two ever connected! And right now I'm still stinging from a few things. Nothing like realizing that I've only aimed at partial forgiveness rather than total.
While I'm sure you're thinking, 'duh, you're just now getting that about yourself??' It's just been interesting to see some things and how they are linked. We've had some really open and honest discussions with the boys about stuff we've been battling and watching them rise up and deal with stuff in their lives. It's awesome to see but also really humbling. I feel like I'm the example of what not to do - again.
And then my mom calls and just dumps a bunch of yuck on my head. Still a lot of pain to deal with on my end before I can say I totally forgive her but I can say I'm willing to be willing. The relationship will never be restored, unless there is some serious change on her end, but I can get to the point where it's not poisoning me and my life. Goodness knows I've wasted enough years as it is.
At least that is my goal I'm aiming for.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Watching Haley get booted off American Idol!!
I've watched as person after person got voted off and she had the cat that ate the canary look on her face week after week. When Pia was voted off is when I first noticed Haley's crappy attitude. Ryan had to get on her for her mouth more than once and rumors where her and Casey were hanging all over each other all the time. While I do like her voice because it is unique, she seems like a real pill. Her performance this last week was the weakest and I STILL think she should have gone before James. But all that aside, couldn't believe she threw a bit of a fit right there on live TV.
She was floored that she got voted off. And when Lauren tried to hug her, she turned her back on her? So not cool! Even my 12 year old said someone was a poor loser. I quipped with loser being the key phrase there. You could tell she really thought she had the whole thing in the bag.
I will say watching Scotty's hometown visit got me all teary-eyed. His reaction to everything was just so precious. And for me to say something is precious takes a lot.
Now I better hope I can remember that the show will be Tuesday/Wednesday instead of Wednesday/Thursday. Except I'm not sure who I can vote for now. Both seem like sweet kids and very humble about the whole experience. Couldn't say that about Haley. Did anyone catch what she was saying at the end of her song? One of the boys said she was giving herself a shout out. Wow! Hope her serving of humble pie will chill her out.
So I was just all wow over Idol and was about to watch the season finale of Bones annnd my folks called. Totally missed the whole show. Sigh I was given the highlights and will have to see if I can catch it on another channel or something.
Toss in the new Pirate's movie coming out this weekend and I think I may need to pace myself.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
I'm sort of embarrassed to admit that I have been a wee bit mopey this last week. And what could be the source of this feeling? Because James got booted off American Idol!
And I can't believe this has me all upset. Sort of.
I told Kerri I think the whole thing is rigged. I think they should change the voting system. If there are 5 people left I think you should only have 4 votes. Or if this is too complicated for some, then same number of people is the same amount of votes - 5 people, 5 votes and whoever is your fav can either get all 5 or you can spread the love.
But this screams way too much like being fair and I just don't see a TV show aiming for the whole fair button.
Speaking of signs, I am a bit surprised that I am just now hearing the end of the world is May 21. Seriously?? I have things to do that day. I think it would be fitting for the world to kerblamy on a Monday. Those who are left could just toss up their arms and say, "Of course! It's Monday."
Then I read the article and found out people actually believe this. I now want to hunt these people down and try to sell them ocean front property in Nevada.
If I have to explain that....then please send me your email as well as your bank account number and I would be happy to show you pictures. And if you act fast, I'll even give you a discount.
I am still chuckling at Michael. I posted a clip of him playing his guitar on facebook and everyone was saying how he should smile. He smirked. And for Michael that technically IS a smile so just go with it. It took him all day to figure out how to respond. He's on facebook a lot but he agonizes over what to say so goes with nothing.
Yeah, he didn't get that from me.
I got a few emails asking what he was playing so now I'm trying to get him to do it again only this time to sing it. He's not so sure about that. He was playing Jeremy Camp's "I'm Alive" but then N said it was from the intro and M said no it was first verse and I zoned out from there. I'm not sure where the conversation ended because when I came too they had already left the room.
And I have been begging Nicholas to do something on the piano for me to record and so far I am getting a big fat NO. I'm in the process of blackmailing/bribing him. We'll see how it goes. If I manage to get a clip of him doing this - believe me when I say it was a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, all on my end, to make it happen. Stubborn mule.
I'll leave that to you to judge who that would apply to.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I was going to title this Monday Mayhem but seeings how it is now Tuesday that just isn't going to work.
The guys are enjoying themselves. Everyone woke up in a good mood and it was a Monday. This may just be a first for around here. Cackling and glee were to be had that gasp no schoolwork was needed to be done. But they still had to deal with trash and then since they didn't bother to bring down the laundry like I asked, I decided to give them all haircuts which means mandatory showers.
My nose said thanks.
How these guys can live in clothes for more than 1 day gives me the heebie-geebies. Technically it's jammies but when you ask your youngest when was the last time he showered and he sits there and truly thinks about it aaaand can't remember?
Eww, man, just eww.
We had some crazy weather here last few days. Last week it was in the 50s and then by mid week it was 80s and then by weekend it was back down into the low 50s. I bet it was because I switched out all my winter clothes for the summer clothes in my pathetically small closet. I told Hubby that I dream about a walk-in closet regularly and he laughed at me.
I ended up laughing at him. He is so restless that to keep
me from killing him himself entertained, he started packing up things that aren't really needed for day to day living. I tried to get him to pack up the kitchen and then try the gosh, I can't cook, but he saw that one coming and told me no. I think his motto is to be prepared. I'm not sure for what but there is probably a plan in case of something.
Dude still has to wait another week before he can then register for his test and then I'm not sure how long it takes before he finds those results out. Just a bunch of hurry up and wait. Which we all know is our fav-o-rite thing to do.
I was looking at dude's grades and it is a crying shame my genetics had to mess up our children because Hubs is smart. Really smart. Our children did not seem to get that level of smart. He held a 98% and got done in 4 months for an 8 month program. I saw what he was studying and my brain said, "buh-bye" and walked out of the room while the rest of me went, what?
Gave me a lot of appreciation for my slave labor position that I am in because if we were relying on myself to do all that? Give up!
I will say this only gave me more anxiety over training the guys on the way they should go. I found myself breathing through a paper bag, not really but it sounds more dramatic that way. As I was trying to calm myself, I got an email asking me what we used for curriculum. I've tried to avoid that whole topic. We've had some lean years and there was one year where we didn't have money for schoolbooks. Our stuff has been very mish-mash of stuff thrown together. For the most part, my way of picking things out is that I pray my brains out and beg for direction.
This method seems to be working.
I think some of the problems we were having a few years ago was the curriculum I was using and had liked but the method it was using wasn't clicking for the boys. Switched up things and things went a lot better. A lot!
I don't feel like I'm an expert or really someone who is achieving homeschool mom awards and wonder if I should pass on advice. On the really bad days, I hold a parent/teacher conference with myself and remind myself that I don't have to share my chocolate and the guys act way better than the little monsters at the store. Actually, I tell myself that I KNOW that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and that God knows who I am and to what level of slacker I can go but, none the less, gave me these kids and wants me to do this for someone's benefit.
I just hope we all live to see who it was for.
I'm kidding. Slightly. It's hard to give something your all and knowing you won't see the fruit of it for a long time. Lot of years to wonder and to worry.
I can say for us there has been no one right thing. It has changed from year to year. So I try to avoid giving suggestions because I have no idea if we're on target or what. I keep praying that God holds up His end and
raptures us out of here so it won't matter that it's not in vain. That and I remind Him it was His idea so He better come through for me.
There is one thing I will point out that there is more to a person's education than just being able to do the 3 R. (Why is it called the 3 R? Reading, riting, rithmatic doesn't sound very intelligent.) And the nicest way to put it is getting a check up from the neck up. If these guys can spout quantum physics but are total jerks and have no regard for others, I would a) fall on the floor laughing because who taught them quantum physics, b) slap them stupid for being jerks, c) re-slap them for having no regard for others, or d) all the above.
If you picked d you would be correct.
Granted one child in particular would tell you he really could care less about others. It's not that he is selfish or a jerk but thinking of others doesn't cross his thought pattern very much. Gosh, just like his dad.
If only I could slap that out of them....
But he is working on it. I can't say that about his dad. So in my book, this is progress.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Blogger was down since last night and when I could FINALLY get back on my last post is gone. For reals??? And it was a good post too. A little peak at something good on the horizon. Aaannd it gets deleted.
Et tu, Brutus, I mean Blogger?
Then I come back on later and the post is there but all the comments are gone.
We are officially on summer break now. There is a lot of singing and dancing, all on my end. I'm not really sure why because honestly, last couple of years I just figure out what they have to do and then grade it. So not much will change for me other than yelling at the spawn to get up before dinner and to take out the trash.
So nothing will change for me.
In an interesting turn of events - not really but work with me - it has been super hot and we've all busted out the shorts and short sleeves. What's the big deal you may ask? This means I will have a lot less laundry to do.
And there is more rejoicing in the land.
I just now have to grade the last stuff, give official grades, and then still wonder what the heck we're going to do on a couple subjects for next year. Then there is staring into the abyss of madness, wringing of hands, consumption of chocolate. Hmm, looks like I'm booked!
Sarcasm - it's what's for dinner.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
It really should be called the vomit comet but I guess that isn't really appealing is it?
It has been crazy busy here! This is the first day where I've had a moment to just breathe. Boys are almost done and will be officially on summer break. The bazerk level is at an all time high right now. I think I've said, "simma down now, simma down" a couple times. When that didn't work I yelled, "try decaf!"
Bugs In My Teeth - annoying her children since the dawn of their existence.
That may have to be a new blog description.
Lot of craziness going on. Our unemployment was suddenly denied and then we got a tax bill from the state that was suppose to be all worked out. Yeah, whatever Michigan - we are so leaving you behind and you're just making it that more easy.
Hubby finished up all of his schooling as of today. The boys are slightly jealous. I told them they could finish off their last 2 biology lessons and be done too - no one volunteered and then they all disappeared.
So now we wait for the letter to say he can now register to take his certification test. He'll let his boss know once he has the date for the test. And then we will really start to freak out.
It's funny when you have a goal and keep pace to reach it and now that it's getting closer, it just seems to amp up all the emotions.
Great! Me - more amped up on emotions, could it get any more fun-tastic? I probably shouldn't even voice that because why, yes! It really CAN get worse.
It has been interesting to say the least. Hubby and I got into a rip roaring fight yesterday and we spent the rest of the evening not talking and then decided at like midnight to hash it all out. It's all good. Got a few things worked out - hopefully. And I think we've just been holding our breath not really wanting to voice all the thoughts floating in our heads. Not fun to only have this itty-bitty nano step and nothing beyond that. That's usually when I'll run into like 10 people and they all give me the what are you gonna do grill and then look at me like I'm a freak for not having it all planned out.
Is it wrong that I silently wish they go through it and then sit back and watch them freak out? Yes? No? How about if I'm eating popcorn and then hand them back all their pat little answers they gave me for what I went through?
Gosh, it is such a huge shock why I don't seem to get along with people too well.
Yeah, I didn't buy it either but hey, work in progress.
But like I said, it's all good in the hood just having to take it one step at a time. Both exciting and scary. Lot of tears, on my end, and waiting...waiting...waiting.....
Did I ever mention a time or 20 I don't like waiting?? I'm sure you are just knocked over with shock at that. Or not.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
I know there are haters. I'm pretty sure my haters have their own group membership with matching jackets. It seems I am no stranger to haters. I'm not that fragile. I have been through more crap than you can shake a stick at.
This now makes me wonder why would you really shake a stick at crap? I mean if you are dealing with crap that is so huge that it has to be beat down with a stick, I'm thinking you are going to need some extra fiber. As well as a plunger.
I can't help it - this is how my mind works.
Where was I? Ah, yes - crap.
I spent all of 2010 just waiting for the shoe to drop. We didn't know what was going to happen and you end up just floating along waiting for the boot to the head. 2011 shows up and we're like ok, what the heck? So since the beginning of the year, we all just ducked our heads down and plowed on with the work at hand, aka schoolwork, and just kept at it. With things winding down, (totally done end of the week) I found myself looking up from the mundane to realize I haven't really talked to anyone nor been around anyone for months. No bible study, no outside interaction, nothing.
But it seems like it is an ongoing conversation I have with God that I tell Him people suck and He tells me not to give up on all of humanity. We're sort of at a stalemate at the moment.
While I don't blog for people's approval, it was just ill-timed. I thought we were going to be scrambling to have to move about 9 months ago and here we still are with everything just twisting in the wind. To add insult to injury, no one has stuck around. And that does make it hard to blog especially without the tone of people suck.
Yeah, I know I don't always keep that tone out too well.
That post was not a roll call for the pity comments. Although I'll be honest, when DeeDee commented, I about slide out of my seat. I'll probably be stalking her when we are all in heaven. She may want to start praying for a few angels for guard duty.
But it was a rough day to begin with and I was just coming up for some air only to have a big cow pie land on my head. I've been feeling completely insignificant for the last few years and it felt liked that was a complete slam-dunk - do not pass go, do not collect $200, go straight to you suck. It felt like conformation of all the negative I've been feeling.
Pity party for 1? Your table is now ready.
Then toss in we had a crazy busy week coming up and I was ready to go back to bed, crawl back in the covers, and not come out. Ever. I didn't really have time to process the emotions. While I'm not sure they can be process, it has been hard to sit for months and fake my way through feelings of holy crap what are we going to do?
At this late hour, all I can tell you we survived our crazy week. The end.
I will go on blogging about our weird little life. Because quite honestly, I have nothing else going on right now and this is one of my few vises I have left. Much cheaper than cookies too.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
I got an email basically telling me that I suck and that I blog about the same stupid crap all the time and whine too much.
Tell me how you really feel.
Believe me, if I had something better to blog about, I would. But there is nothing going on. Lather, rinse, repeat. I truly am at a stand still with life and I keep wondering when is it going to actually turn out. Or do something that isn't laundry, shoveling dishes out of the sink, or listen to people tell me I suck on so many levels.
Who knows? Maybe the blog has run it's course because I'm not really sure where to go from that comment.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
So much rattling through my heart and my head lately.
It has been a crazy few days in the world. We were doing our family bible study Sunday and it was setting the stage of angst on Satan's part to a royal smack down that has rattled through the ages. Seems like it has been amped up a bit these last few days.
I went from watching the royal wedding to tornado destruction. The guys asked why did I give a flying fig about the royal wedding and I said it's a sense of history in a way as well as hope. Who doesn't want to behold hope? To feel it invigorate the soul and to encourage one to keep pressing on?
I'm not sure how it came up but since I have spent way too much quality time with the remote, I said watching the tornado destruction reminded me of spiritual devastation. Things you were use to being there are now gone, people you relied on are now gone, something you planted and worked on is now twisted and has a refrigerator in it all while wrapped around a car.
Nothing is the same. And everywhere you looked, nothing was in it's right place.
I watched as people picked through the rubble looking for something familiar and had that look of where do I go now?
Spiritual devastation can have the same affect. You feel lost, lonely, and you try to come to grips why your house is gone and other's are standing fine. But there is also seeing that your family is still intact while someone else's family is torn apart. Things that kept you propped up and supported are now gone and you find yourself standing there not too sure you can stay upright for much longer.
Then you have to dig through the rubble to try and rebuild. The broken pieces cut deep into you and no matter how much you try, all the pieces will not fit back together. Darn that HumptyDumpty for not going back in his shell!
I think the hardest part is when it shakes your faith, your belief system. I've heard people call it a crisis of faith. Nothing makes sense, everything collapsed, and you try hard to believe. Some days it's all you can do just to breathe.
And just like satan, he'll send someone along to give you the pat answer, the cutting remark that makes you wonder about God's character. It can range from anything to did God really say? to where's your God now?
I can't remember if I blogged about this or not, forgive me if this is a repeat, but we were watching a Drive Thru History DVD a while back. It was talking about how Rome was expanding and basically devouring civilizations and cultures and turning it into Rome. I was hit with the devastation and destruction and was weighed down until the guy pointed out that even though it looks like it was meant for evil, God was able to use it for good because all roads went to Rome and it brought one language. All of this was set in place right before Jesus came on the scene and His message went like wild fire through the whole area.
It was that reminder that has brought me comfort that God is on the throne!
Nothing but gloom and doom and I've walked out the destruction and chaos but I can still say there is hope. No, it is not fun to go through it. It hurts and it is hell. But you can't see things until you are on the other side of it.
I hold onto the belief that God is not the initiator of the pain but I do believe He will use it. We are in a spiritual war and He's not surprised by all of this but He can use it to bring out some good. I have to chuckle - Jesus was a carpenter. Carpenter's will build off from the good. Sometimes things need to be completely torn down but He'll take what is there and work with it.
Whatever weather of life you are going through - be it sunny skies or it's dark and gray - take comfort that God is on the Throne. While I've wanted Him to change my circumstances and confused why He hasn't, I do realize that we need the rain storms to help things grow. The beauty of the flower may only last for a week but it is a reminder that a new season is here with another one waiting just around the corner. Before you know it, things are better, the sun is shining and there is peace for a little while.
"Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]" John 14:27