Sunday, May 8, 2011

To Clarify

I know there are haters. I'm pretty sure my haters have their own group membership with matching jackets. It seems I am no stranger to haters. I'm not that fragile. I have been through more crap than you can shake a stick at.

This now makes me wonder why would you really shake a stick at crap? I mean if you are dealing with crap that is so huge that it has to be beat down with a stick, I'm thinking you are going to need some extra fiber. As well as a plunger.

I can't help it - this is how my mind works.

Where was I? Ah, yes - crap.

I spent all of 2010 just waiting for the shoe to drop. We didn't know what was going to happen and you end up just floating along waiting for the boot to the head. 2011 shows up and we're like ok, what the heck? So since the beginning of the year, we all just ducked our heads down and plowed on with the work at hand, aka schoolwork, and just kept at it. With things winding down, (totally done end of the week) I found myself looking up from the mundane to realize I haven't really talked to anyone nor been around anyone for months. No bible study, no outside interaction, nothing.


But it seems like it is an ongoing conversation I have with God that I tell Him people suck and He tells me not to give up on all of humanity. We're sort of at a stalemate at the moment.

While I don't blog for people's approval, it was just ill-timed. I thought we were going to be scrambling to have to move about 9 months ago and here we still are with everything just twisting in the wind. To add insult to injury, no one has stuck around. And that does make it hard to blog especially without the tone of people suck.

Yeah, I know I don't always keep that tone out too well.

That post was not a roll call for the pity comments. Although I'll be honest, when DeeDee commented, I about slide out of my seat. I'll probably be stalking her when we are all in heaven. She may want to start praying for a few angels for guard duty.

Just saying.

But it was a rough day to begin with and I was just coming up for some air only to have a big cow pie land on my head. I've been feeling completely insignificant for the last few years and it felt liked that was a complete slam-dunk - do not pass go, do not collect $200, go straight to you suck. It felt like conformation of all the negative I've been feeling.

Pity party for 1? Your table is now ready.

Then toss in we had a crazy busy week coming up and I was ready to go back to bed, crawl back in the covers, and not come out. Ever. I didn't really have time to process the emotions. While I'm not sure they can be process, it has been hard to sit for months and fake my way through feelings of holy crap what are we going to do?

At this late hour, all I can tell you we survived our crazy week. The end.

I will go on blogging about our weird little life. Because quite honestly, I have nothing else going on right now and this is one of my few vises I have left. Much cheaper than cookies too.


Julie said...

Even before my blog went down, I had pretty much lost all my readers too. It's depressing, but blog on I must. *lol*

Speaking of blogs, I am temporarily blogging at my old blog, while I get my site figured out:

Joanna said...

Thanks for letting me know Julie!