Monday, June 6, 2011

The Words Escape Me

I wanted to write this fab post about how I got to go see a dear sweet friend Saturday. She truly was my lifeline at the darkest moment of my life. Fellow homeschooling mom who could take one look at me and offer a cookie as I tried to keep my mask on straight.

We were in a hardcore homeschooling group and feel we deserve badges just for attempting it. What I mean is this was the realm of Mary Poppins - practically perfect in every way. And let me tell you the competition and judgement was fierce. And woe to us who couldn't reach the level.

It didn't help that once things leaked about my folks, I was quietly asked not to come back in the fall. At the time it didn't bother me because it was a huge amount of stress to do and my stress-o-meter was in the danger zone for too long. Life ended up overwhelming both my friend and I and we went our separate ways.

Fast forward a few years and the miracle of facebook, we reconnected. Finally got to see her face to face and I was beyond excited. I am beyond proud of her. She has tapped into some inner strength and is changing things in her life. That takes guts! It is so easy to just duck your head and go with the flow. Kudos to my friend.

I came home Saturday to a lovely quiet house because the guys went camping. Oh the peace! Oh the quiet! How I've missed thee! Needless to say, I enjoyed my time. The guys came home shortly after lunch Sunday smelling like bug spray and sweat so showers were had by all. Had to talk to youngest about his attitude and non-stop I don't wanna.

What fun! But we spent the rest of the day just hanging out watching movies so fun was had by all.

That night...everyone had gone off to bed. I was watching Sister Wives which I think I could go off about that show. I honestly feel bad for them, for their kids, but a lot of the junk coming at them is by their own choice. I was telling Hubs that it's no different than what my folks are saying - "this is what I believe and therefore feel that I have to do this because God told me to do it." What I find concerning is as more and more people are saying this is what I believe and live it out that officials will try to squish belief on the grounds of these people are nuts. Wonder where that leaves the rest of us?

But that was not where I was going with all this.

I got up to see if by some miracle some snack would magically appear in the kitchen. I turned on the light and found that no little elves brought me snacky goodness. As I was getting ready to leave the kitchen, I noticed something was flying low to the ground.

Care to guess?

This would be bat number 11.

We've been hearing all kinds of scratching and bat chirping coming from our chimney which is connected to the wood burning stove. Last couple of days it sounded as if they were crawling down the pipe to the stove. I was assured that this was not happening.

What would I know?

Um, the one that had to go get Hubs because a bat came out of the back end of the wood burning stove.

Hubs was armed with Batslayer the wooden sword while I had the spoon I used to ward off another bat. This spoon has seen some action over the years, I can tell you that. I used to spank my kids with it. Hey, it's been retired as my kids are too old to spank but for some reason I find comfort with it because it has protected me from previous bat attacks. The boys said it was fitting because that spoon was an instrument of pain, judgement, and discipline all rolled into a convenient carrying size.

Hubs and I were in the stairway. He was farther down than me as I was keeping my distance as I didn't want to get clubbed upside the head. Quite brilliant if you ask me.

Dude was able to samurai chop the bat sending it flying straight for you know who. Me, being the spaz that I am, was welding my spoon of judgement and was able to basically b*tch-slap the bat. I hit it and the bat slammed into the wall but was still trying to fly so it bounced off the wall where I was able to backhand the thing where where it flopped onto the stairs and Hubby finished it off. All this while I was doing the eww, eww dance.

Surely you know what the eww, eww dance is? It's where you have the major heebie-jeebies and hop around screeching eww, eww. Maybe it's more of an interpretation type of dance than actually dance steps, but I will say you can't get it wrong.

So that was my weekend - girl time, quiet time, tv time, kill the bat time, wait for heart rate to come back to normal time, and then pass out and try to not think about it time. All in time for me to wake up to a Monday.


Julie said...


What a way to ruin a prefectly good weekend...