Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Dear Self

I know this last weekend was rather rough but I have to say it was needed. While I don't understand why life has come to a screeching halt, you have made some serious progress in a lot of areas.

I know the guilt is trying to press in and pull you down. Don't let it! You stood up to your parents crystal clear and I applaud you. I know you feel like crap and really wonder if you did the right thing but rest assured it was needed.

I know the outcome is cloudy and you sometimes wonder if this is going to change anything or not. You can't let that weigh you down because you can't change other people's responses or opinions about you. You stated the facts, you seriously beat them back across the line, and stood there with a big ugly stick daring them to press back. You really shouldn't be surprised that when presented with the truth, they had nothing to say.

And for now there is some peace in the land.

One can never really know what the right thing is to do in these types of situations. All I can say is seething with resentment is not the way to live as you've done that for years. And as you love to ask your kids, "how's that working for ya?" I can tell you, it hasn't.

You made a huge step in finally standing up for yourself. I know what it cost you. I know the angst, worry, and anxiety that played in your head and smacked your emotions around. I know the confusion you're battling wondering why you don't feel better or some form of release to be felt and I honestly don't know the answer to that but the sheer determination you put forth to get out of the same cycle was huge.

And no one can take that away from you.

Keep pressing on. Keep coming out of that grave. You were one wound up mummy with all your grave clothes on but you can't say that about yourself any more. I know you want faster results but you didn't slap all those band-aids on yourself in one night so be patient yourself.

To quote a wise red veggie, "God made you special and He loves you very much." Keep telling yourself that because some day you may just actually believe it.


Joanna said...

For those of us who struggle with mother issues - I salute you! May it make us better mothers with our own kids.

Kerri said...

You ARE special. You ARE awesome! And I am SO PROUD of you for standing up to the biologicals. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!

Julie said...

You've said it... You just have to keep on keeping on... And you'll come out stronger on the other end.



Joanna said...

Kerri - what type of special are we talking about? ;)

Julie - stronger and in need of some serious chocolate. Which suddenly explains my grocery bill.