Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I Stand Corrected

Clearly the craziness is really just code for "shopping at Wal-Mart" because it was a delicate mix of chaos and sheer pandemonium. I must have missed all the warning signs that I was going to enter the danger zone.

I really don't want to talk about the amount of money we spent because frankly I'm still a bit weepy over it. It just turned into one of those times when the boys needed stuff. Like underwear as Jared was apparently wearing his last pair and informed me of this as we were walking out the door. When he said, "at least this time around I didn't have to re-wear a pair."

Say what?!?!

I think my heart may have stopped in my chest for a good 10 seconds.

How the heck did the hillbilly gene get into my baby?? You know how they talk about genetics skipping a generation? Yeah, well. I've mention what a gem my FIL isn't.

On top of that, the older 2 had the nerve to need shoes.

And not only that but I had Pioneer Woman's Mushroom Swiss Sliders (which are out of this world good) on the menu but also her peach whiskey BBQ chicken thighs and.....I needed a dutch oven...not to mention the whiskey.

Word to the non-drinking people - that stuff ain't cheap. Someone explain to me how anyone can afford to drink this stuff?? I'll leave off the why anyone would want to drink it because really is all tastes like the smell of rubbing alcohol to me but I hear I'm not normal.

Like that's a shock.

The grand total of people needing underwear and shoes, whiskey and things to cook them in, not to mention all the food to feed these people came to an ungodly amount. It was so bad my card refused to process it and I had to write a check.

All together now.............OW!

Not to mention we had to go to the other store because Heaven forbid our stuffmart carry things. That is only strike 1 in this story.

I had to pick up a few notebooks for the guys school stuff and a pack of pens. I'm pretty sure I've seen less horror in an R rated movie. The pushing, the shoving, the ripping things from people's hands was at an all time high. And no it wasn't me. The shelves looked like they were ready to dump their cargo and run. Strike 2.

After that happy experience, we had to hunt down clothing. I saw a shirt that was just so Nicholas. I pointed it out to him and he totally agreed with me and tossed it in the buggy before you could say, "um, wait." Then a truly shocking moment happened when Michael saw a shirt he really liked. This almost never happens so I grabbed the shirt from his hands and slam dunked it in the buggy. But without all the force so as not to ruin it as that will only get me a dirty look with mutterings of why can't I act like a grown up.

Because I have children who drove all my sanity away so now they are stuck with what they have created. Funny how they always fail to pick that part up.

Then we had to go to the shoe department. I just love to shoe shop with the twins!! It's almost as fun as shopping for clothes with them!!! (that is code for no way, no how do I enjoy this so please kill me now and make it as slow as possible as that would be far less painful)

(I should also point out that Jared usually just gets all the hand-me-downs and can care less so he's the easiest thing to shop with. The re-wearing of underpants should be further proof of his commitment to not caring.)

I will say that God was very merciful as He knew what the amount was going to be so in all His awesomeness, He lined up everything just so and all items were acquired without any mishaps or incidents.

While it is true those pesky 6 items were not to be found therefore causing a trip to the other store that just happens to be in a middle of a HUGE remodel project which turned into the worst scavenger hunt ever - everything else was done.

Then we went to the checkout area where even Hubby said......well, he too was blown away with the long lines.

And he's the patient one.

It was epic. It was beyond strike 3. I had NEVER seen it that bad. That's saying something when you consider all my posts about the Wal-Marts.

Again God looked out for us because a cashier came out of no where and no one seemed to notice him. Except me. This time around we had 4 carts and in that insane amount of people and tempers flying, we managed to get our crew into the lane without bloodshed. And the guy was fast and could count past 10.

I didn't even have to let the eyebrow arch at anyone. Tell me that wasn't a miracle.

So when the amount popped up, I didn't freak out, just slightly whimpered I thanked God that we got what we needed and we had - had the money to cover it. Now that money is just a distant memory. But hey we've got some awesome stuff and will be eating well at least for the next 2 weeks. Next trip I may force everyone to eat just ramen noodles.


A Complete Thought said...

I have an N & M too. On my blog they go by N:Chess & M:Pele. They are 7 1/2 months apart, both 8th graders. Long story, not for the comments.

Anyway, the comment: I hate Wal Mart with you. If you make a button, I'll wear it. We only go when the guinea pigs and cats are near mutiny b/c their supplies are found there.

Glad you survived. We have to hit the store for shoes for the older two again this month. Killing me softly without any music at all.

Anonymous said...

I really liked the article, and the very cool blog

Dianne said...

but if it wasnt for stuffmart, your blog would not be hear as hilarious. i think you should start posting people of walmart photos cause i'm pretty sure we are shopping at the same one, even though i am in arkansas and you aren't....yet...

Joanna said...

Elle - But it's their low, low prices that force me to shop there. These people like to eat and it ain't cheap.

Dianne - I'm scared to post those pictures. And you are cracking me up as Arkansas just happens to be on the list of states to move to. It's like you know....spooky.

Shell said...

Oh, I just hate trips like that. We had one for back-to-school and I sort of wanted to cry.

Julie said...

If we get out of Walmart for under $300, we consider it a good day. *lol*

Joanna said...

Shell - I think there is something at walmart that makes people crazy.

Julie - I've NEVER had it under 300. Well once and it turned out that I forgot a bunch of stuff because I was out of my mind with killer man crushing cramps.