Wednesday, August 10, 2011

We're All In The Dog House

I tell ya, it is a sad tale of woe. Nary an innocent person resides at this here house.


While this doesn't shock you, because, hellooo? you've been here before. But you can't deny your curiosity is slightly tickled. Or it's a dead piece of curiousness because you know that is what killed the cat. Then I would say you are much smarter than I am.

Anyhoo of whathaveya, it turns out the TV that the in-laws brought up was not a piece of crap that I had condemned it to be. Since Jared has a major video game addiction that I let him indulge in because he drives me nuts with all the talk about NOTHING and never picks up on when I have fallen head first into a coma and my brain runs away screaming. One of the video gaming things decided that it, too, was tired of the same stupid game he was playing and mercifully went silent.

In my defense, I did tell Hubs to recheck the condemned thing before unplugging it and all that jazz. Did I mention this sucker is the size and weight of a very large adult pig? And do you think this was done? The whole checking thing?

That would be a no go, Captain.

We had to resort back to the original TV that is a lot smaller. We were already trying to figure out a way to get a replacement TV - as in welcome to a flat screen because that is all you can find now days.

So yesterday Jared was, once again, playing the blasted thing when the TV went silent. It was right at that moment I had what we call a light bulb experience. And then figured out Hubs and the older boys did all that huffing and puffing to remove the pig....for......nothing.

It was a proud moment for me but I did say to check it before you unplug it. I can tell you they were not amused. But truth be told we were going to sell it in a moving sale because very big pig of a TV takes up space. Now there is still huffing and puffing because it looks like the new TV will have to be put on hold. Little details like needing money seems to slip the spawns' minds.

Clearly it was a good choice to go with personal fiances come fall.

So there was a bit of angst handed out to everyone. Then I had to pull out the dreaded list as the time of filling up the pantry which leads to the loading of the carts was upon us. Much weeping and gnashing of teeth was to be had.

And that was just from me.

I had such high hopes with how fast the list came together. I even found 4 whole stupid coupons to use. Surely this was a sign that the planets were lined up and angels were singing, right??

You must be new here cuz that just ain't gonna happen.

I will say we actually experienced something new at stuffmart. Didn't hear one kid scream but actually heard a kid just belly laugh. Up and down the aisle this kid was just cracking up laughing. Wonder if she was drunk. The parents totally look like they would slip beer in her bottle too.

We got through stuffmart with nary a scratch or scrape and managed to find 5 lanes open! My heart pounded as I thought that maybe, just maybe, I would exit stuffmart without wanting to hurt someone. I looked at the cashier with hope and expectation....

and then it crashed and burned with the cruelness of reality.

I swear if you would have asked this guy to count to 21 he would have had to get naked to use all his digits to get him to the goal. But by some miracle he was faster than Skippy, the eternally slow cashier from hell.

We get done and then had to make a jaunt over to the other grocery store as wouldn't you know it, some key elements were needed like produce. Wal-marts produce scares me. When there are so many bugs hovering around all the fruits and veggies and will pull out a shiv to sword fight you for whatever it was you thought you were going to get - you just walk away, people. The bugs were out in full force and I kept right on going - to another store.

We left the spawn with the food and told them we would be right back only to walk into a store that is under major construction and nothing was where it was supposed to be.

Houston, we have a problem.

After 15 laps of the whole store, because someone thought putting sunglasses with the yogurt was a good idea, we were able to escape there as well. Luckily for us, we got done a lot sooner than what we thought so that was golden.

And on the way home Hubby asked how those transcripts were coming along.

I thought about stopping and kicking him out but I have a feeling that would have been counter productive. I gave him a you're kidding look and asked why right this second when I'm exhausted and still had to put everything away did he think was the right moment to bring it up?

I didn't get much of an answer.

I'm juuuussst about done with those transcripts. At least I will be whenever I crawl out of the corner and stop breathing through a paper bag. I was having some issues figuring out a GPA (grade point average). I bought a book, with CD, that comes with all these forms and such to help do transcripts because I are a dummy. And if el stupido would read the book then he could tell me what to do.

I so gotcha with that one.

In his defense, life has overwhelmed him and he left it all up to me and then points out where I'm dropping the ball. Stellar of a guy. It should be no surprise why I threaten him on a regular basis.

But I love him. Because he would stalk me if I said anything different. I think we made some agreement to haunt each other if anything mysterious were to happen to either one of us. This was after we agreed that the first person out the door gets a bullet in the back. I think that's a fair trade - if you walk out on me, I shoot you, you can haunt me until I croak.

Now that, my friends, is true commitment. You just don't see that now days. Nor the crazy look in my husband's eyes but he doesn't scare me. If you'd met my mother you would totally understand.

You should also know I am kidding. But only on some of the points. And now you are left to wonder. Muwahaha!

Seems like I actually had some point I was trying to make, but in all my silliness I lost it. But can you REALLY lose something you never really had to begin with, I ask you?

Someone throw me a milk bone! Just make sure you dip it in some chocolate first, m'kay? It just feels like a dog eat dog world, and today I am wearing milk bone underpants. Woof!


rthling said...

I'm confused.
Does adult pig TV still work? Why did it seem to die?

Joanna said...

Adult pig TV still works. We thought the sound went out but it turns out it was the game that kept going on not the TV.

And no one wants to move the pig back.

Julie said...

Glad the TV is still working. Once you get used to having something, it sucks when it's gone! *lol*