Hooray!! I'm making progress!!
Cue music for pod people to do something to try and get progress to null and void. Access denied.
Have I mentioned a time or 50 that I am not a fan of being sucker punched? I'm pretty sure that I have. If you have something to say to me or have a beef with me, for all that is good and holy please tell me about it rather than it get to me way of grapevine news and it's usually when I'm up to my eyeballs with some other crisis that people wait to strike. Not that I'm bitter much. Any more.
Long story short, making progress on getting rid of bitterness towards my parents. Next day went out with Kerri, having a good ol' time when I get a weird email from the pod people because I'm still convinced my real parents have been sucked into some sort of vortex and what is left roaming around are just impostors.
While they were in prison from fighting the man, they handed out my address for people to get ahold of them. I wasn't asked and I've been told numerous times to get over it. Whatever. I got a letter for my mom from some person I have no clue about. I emailed my mom and the name didn't ring any bells for her but asked me to mail the letter to her. Okay, whatever I'll get to it eventually.
Then a family friend died and mom sort of gave me the info about the funeral but kept stressing it wasn't confirmed. I was planning on going and thought I would just give her the letter then. Didn't hear another thing from them and the letter was completely forgotten. Then I get a string of emails going off about why haven't I sent this letter yet. I explained my reasoning but apparently this was taken wrong. I seriously have no idea what the deal was but my dad emails me saying I'm disrespecting my mom and what is my problem - love dad.
Just the night before I felt like I had released a lot of junk. And there was junk right back in my face. I was livid. I asked Kerri to read the whole thing and asked to give it to me straight and she couldn't figure out what was so disrespectful either.
Further proof they are crazy.
I really had to talk myself off the ledge too. I knew I had a choice. I was hurt and angry and didn't feel like I deserved that. And just saying that to myself - validating my feelings - I was able to make a good choice to chose forgiveness and telling the junk, yet again, to take a hike.
When I got back home I sent an email and it was short and sweet and, miracle of miracles, completely devoid of sarcasm. I got a response back that oh you must have meant it funny. Nothing I said was even being funny - I was busy and forgot about it. End of story no punch line. After I did a few face plants on the desk I had to take several deep breaths and tell myself it's them NOT ME and I do not need to defend myself to them.
I'm still struggling with that but I am getting better. I have no idea why I think having these imaginary conversations in my head where I tell so-and-so what's what will help because it doesn't change a thing, but it does keep me all stirred up. When I'm stirred up I can tell you I am not at peace. No peace? Well hang on to your shorts because goodness knows what will come flying out next.
So high five y'all! After years of barfing my parents suck - and they still do - it's not taking me down this time.
That's one small step for me and a giant kick to the enemy.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Hooray!! I'm making progress!!