Sunday, January 29, 2012

Okie Dokie

This is in response to a couple questions I got. Again, this is just me and where I'm at and what I feel God is telling me. Always feel the need to put a disclaimer because it seems no matter what I post someone wants to add their 2 cents worth of why I'm wrong.

Beth Moore has a book Praying God's Word which is part of her bible study Breaking Free. Oddly enough, I've never done the bible study part but I have the other book with my journal and bible all the time. It has scriptures to help break off mental strongholds and this has a wide range of topics to break off. Since I feel everyone could use a check up from the neck up from time to time, this is my go to book.

I was on the topic of rejection when I came across a reference to Luke 6:22-23. From Beth's book "Merciful Savior, according to Your Word, I am blessed when men hate me, when they exclude me and insult me and reject me as evil, because of You, the Son of Man. Your Words says I have cause to rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is my reward in heaven, For that is how their fathers treated the prophets."

Ever been there? Especially from your brothers and sisters in Christ? It sucks. It hurts and there isn't an easy way to limp along and pretend they didn't just cut you to the core of your being.

I was still praying, because like I said in my earlier post, I am still mad about the whole thing. Goodness knows how long I've confessed I forgive and I've prayed for that person's well being etc. This is, of course, after I repented for wishing bricks would land on her head.

Work in progress, people. Besides, I'm not the only one, so don't go there.

That snippet raised my curiosity to I grabbed my bible and read the rest of the chapter. It had quite a bit more to say on this subject. Such things like invoke a blessing on your enemy who detest you and pursue you with hatred.

Come again??? Because I thought that ment yer momma and you were supposed to bring it gangsta style NOT bless them!!

"Pray for the happiness of those who curse you, implore God's blessing upon those who abuse you, who highhandedly misuse you."

Ruh-roh, Raggie. That doesn't sound very gangsta style, whatever that would be.

"But love your enemies and be kind expecting and hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great and you will be sons of the Most High..." (I'm paraphrasing through a lot of scripture to pull it together.)

Did I say, gosh I need to do this? Hell no!!! I mean, um, that would be a big n-o. I had a fight on my hands and it was all from me. This person said untruth about me and further more slapped the label God told me to do it that way. There was no way I was convincing myself that this was a good thing to do.

Funny about that because the more I prayed the more I KNEW I was supposed to do this. I gave God all my reasons was this was a bad plan. I was even half-way finished with a power point presentation of why this was wrong and on how many levels of wrong it reached. And I just stopped and surrendered. I was tired of the old junk floating to the top, the same wound gushing open no matter how many bandages I've wrapped it in. I so wanted to be free of the whole thing that I was more than willing to go through what God was telling me to do.

It didn't stop there because after I bought a gift card to the coffee shop I was envisioning the woman spilling it down the front of her favorite shirt or burning her lying lips right off. See? I'm not some great person for doing this. I was in an ugly battle of who was going to win. The running commentary that was going through my head, while freaking hilarious, was so not righteousness. Not to mention the rip roaring fight I ended up getting in with my husband. Which was all him, he even admitted it but it was still unpleasant in the midst of an ugly battle.

Then again, what battle is ever pretty?

I could sit here and quote all the Christian phrases but man it was killing me to actually walk this one out. I prayed over the card - truly asking God to bless the woman, and her lips, from being burned and no spillage please.

There have already been a few of her minions hovering around my blog trying to figure out what I'm up to. I'm not up to anything. I'm a doer of the Word and will act according to what I believe I'm led to do and I actually have scripture to back it up! It said to bless my enemy, so I did. I didn't do this to get back into her group because I am under no delusion that would ever happen even if I wanted to, which I don't. If they can lie and cut me up that bad once why would I want to go again?

Kerri asked if I felt I had closure. I can't say a 100% but I do feel different. I can't really say the hurt was magically removed but I know anytime it does surface I'll pray for this woman because, to be honest, I'm terrified of what else God would ask me to do because that was pretty brutal. I'm not really sure about I'll be blessed because I was such a snot through the whole thing. But I know I did what was asked of me so I hope that counts.

One down, and I hope only one to go. Because I still have to get through the whole shopping trip with my mother! I'm still freaking out about that one. I think I need some more scripture to convince me of that one.


Carrie said...

Good stuff.

And really something I needed to be reminded of.

I love when little reminders pop up when I least expect it.

Joanna said...

Glad you think it's good - I'm still bracing for a backlash.

jubilee said...

Am wondering if the shopping trip or the gift card blessing is the least painful of the two?

Does my curiosity make me morbid? 'Cuz it's all about me . . . lol

Joanna said...

At this point, I'm not sure. I'll tell you after the shopping trip! But if I had to guess, I would say the gift card was more painful. My mom is my mom and even though I think she's off her rocker, I can always seem to find some sort of grace for her. Granted I question my sanity but the want to is still there. Verses I have no feelings of grace OR want to for the other lady.

Kerri said...

Oh mah goodness. I'm still SO proud of you. You're a better woman than I (or maybe just more obedient)because I just don't know if I could have done it.