Friday, February 17, 2012

Rotten Rodents!

I am not a fan of the rodent clan. We've had issues. Lots of issues. But this took the cake in the squirrel department.

For months Jared has been freaking out insisting that there was a squirrel loose upstairs. His computer and school stuff is right near the stairs and he is convinced the squirrel is going to come down the stairs or run all willy-nilly through the upstairs.

Granted, we've had bat issues as well. But I just wasn't buying it that a squirrel was actually in the living area. We know they're in the walls as we can hear them. I kept reassuring him that it's not in the area near the bathroom upstairs but it was in between the ceiling and floor.

Turns out I was waaay wrong.

Jared was doing what Jared does best and that is to freak out. This is my child after all and freaking + out is what I tend to be all about. Now I want to do the hokey-pokey and ponder if that really IS what it's all about.

Anyhoo, freaked out kid. Sent Nicholas to go upstairs and stomp around to see if it would shut the squirrel up because it sounded like it was either training for a marathon, or it was trying out for the ballet. Might have been a tie.

Nicholas came quickly back downstairs to inform me that yes there really is a squirrel upstairs and it peeked it's head out to stare at him near where his keyboard is. Whoopsies. Too bad Jared overheard this because I got to hear I TOLD YOU SOOOO for the next 10 minutes.

Again, this is my child so I don't even bat an eyelash.

Lucky me, I had to go investigate. But I had 2 teenagers right behind me that were suddenly armed with knives, brooms, and a plastic bag.

I will so give their dad credit - they were prepared. I'm not exactly sure for what, but they were prepared for whatever was going to go down.

The only upside to this was the squirrel was rather cute looking and it didn't freak me out to the degree that the bats do. However, the love of his cuteness ended when it charged at me. Me, who channeled her inner 2 year old, managed to scream AND smacked the thing in mid-air with a broom all at the same time. I don't think I have ever been that coordinated in my life.

I was applauded by my posse saying way to connect.

You know it's moments like this that I feel that life has somehow totally lied to me and was playing a huge joke because ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME????

Skippy then decided to crawl up the shelves and start to jump from wall to wall only to slam into the wall and slide down with a dazed and confused look on it's face. If I wasn't afraid of it charging me and mauling my face off, I would have been on the floor, panting for air from laughing so hard.

But I think I ticked him off because then he dove at me again. Chivalry is not dead! Because Nicholas jumped in to save his momma and smacked the sucker with his own broom. Michael leaped around me and had a mop and was going to pin the thing and I'll leave off what he suggested they do next.

Skippy fearing for his life, jumped out of the way at the last second and flew faster than any rodent I have ever seen move. Then again, I can't say as I've observed a lot of rodent movement as I would be too busy screaming to give a fair judgement of the speed it was going.

I had posted a little bit of this on Facebook. I'm still laughing that a friend put "Take the high ground and never surrender!!" I responded that since it's upstairs, it took the higher ground so we're screwed!

After about a few minutes of us not having any luck. I suggested we all go downstairs and let the thing make a beeline out of the house. Sure enough about 15 minutes later it made a mad dash to it's exit. Just wished I knew where that is so it can get sealed up right quick.

Crazy, crazy day. I've had people tell me I will grieve when we have to move out of the house. I'm not so sure about that. I mean yes, there is a part of me that is sad but there are a lot of issues with this house and I'm actually okay with leaving them behind. Once we're settled somewhere I'll be able to just take a deep breath. It's been a lot of years of a lot of unknown. I'm not a fan of unknown. Or squirrels. Or bats for that matter. Or for freezing all.the.time in this drafty house.

Is it wrong that my daily prayer is for the next place to be rodent free?

And what happy day! When Fred heard about all this, he came home with these hurkin rat traps. My eyes may have rolled back into my head, and I'm pretty sure the room spun. It was like a mouse trap on crack, hopped up on energy drinks. Oh my freaking gosh this can't be good!

I now have this mental picture playing through my head of the squirrel tearing all through the house all tangled up in this thing, bleeding all over the place, and squeaking in pain while Jared and I scream right along with it, and Michael whipping out a machete to chop it's head off while Nicholas cleans up the mess.

I bet that was an accurate play on a hypothetical scenario.

I'm still trying to figure out how I got stuck living out an Over The Hedge nightmare.


Carrie said...

Oh. My. GOD!

You are absolutely hilarious! Amazing...this is hysterically amazing!

I would have LOVED to have been a fly on the wall to witness it all!

Joanna said...

That sad thing is I'm not making it up.

At least we have a lot of fun with all my crazy.