Thursday, May 31, 2012

Oh Look, It's Still Hell

Made another trip down yesterday. There was only 1 place that was move in ready as in the construction guys were finishing the last touches. But the neighborhood is scary. Went to look at 3 other places and oh dear Lord! 1 house was broken into, every single place the air conditioner units were stolen, one place smelled like cat pee and the carpets were beyond nasty. And the other place had grass up past my knees and a pack of dogs were living in the bushes. Plus all the ex-hoarder's stuff was still in the house.

We went with the house in the scary neighborhood.

At least I think we did because we are still waiting on lease papers to sign.

We're to pick up a moving truck tomorrow.

I can't stop bawling my head off for multiple reasons. If I get one more Pollyanna email, I may just start punching people in the throat.

Not sure what is going on. Not sure what to think....that I can repeat. I don't understand why life is so flipping hard why others seem to just skate on through.

Don't know if I'll be able to put up another blog post or not. Not sure how long it's going to take us to get Internet at the new place. I don't know, I don't know, oh, and I don't know.

Yes, super stressed out, fighting off panic attacks, and way too much to do.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

To There And Back

Where you may ask? That might just be hell. According to the map it said Indianapolis. But I think this hell was more of an emotional one.

So that new job thing? Had to get dude down there by 9:40 am which meant that we left here by 4:30 am. Saw this weird reverse sunset. I'm told it's called a sunrise. So weird!

Fred and I took off just the two of us because we are smart enough to know dragging these guys anywhere at those hours wasn't going to happen. So off we went and got there a bit early. Thankfully, Fred did the driving because I started freaking out. I sort of drive by visual. Go down to the Walgreens, take a left; then go to the AutoZone, take a right; and right past that ugly store is where you are headed type of driving. Nothing was familiar so I was freaking out a little. Fred said my running commentary was hysterical. I honestly couldn't tell you because I was too busy trying not to lose it.

That would be a huge fail on not freaking out.

And what a shmuck I was because he's all excited and I'm saying I changed my mind, I don't want to move. Fred did all his paperwork and blood work and then we were off to find a rental. It only got worse from there.

Cue evil music. Arrange 'now entering hell' sign in predominate visual spot.

It turned out that most of the stuff we had on our list was leased out. As in day before and/or a couple hours before we called. Then we shifted and went to townhouses and apartments. Oh my freaking word! I can't even call these places dives because that is an insult to true dives. By the time we saw our 4th one I was in tears. There was one more house to see but the guy wouldn't be able to show it to us until about 9pm. We were desperate so we stayed. Should have just gone home.

We were both very panicked because we still have nothing. We paid the $30 application fee. While in the middle of filling this thing out, I started to get sick and we had to follow Sargent Slum Lord to the nearest place that doesn't mind if you use their bathroom and dump a load of poo while sobbing hysterically. We drove off, in tears, no peace, and wouldn't know until the next day if we were qualified for this rat hole. The more we talked about keep looking the better we both felt. So we're still looking.

Dude starts his new job the 4th.

We have to be out of here by the 14th.

I'm looking around my home and I just bawl. Nothing we looked at came even close. Nothing came even close to being decent.

I called my mom because they were hoping we were going to swing up to see my dad because he is still in the hospital. Turns out he had a heart attack and they have been putting stints in. He wasn't doing good last night but today the medicine is kicking in and his heart is pumping better. So much so, that he's off oxygen and will be released tomorrow.

But mom was telling me to keep looking and don't stress.

Yeah, okay. Whatever on the 'don't stress' part.

We drove home. Broken, defeated, depressed. We got home 1:30 in the morning. Guys were waiting up for us. They told us about their day etc. We all headed off to bed. We had just laid down and got settled when we heard a weird noise and then, "Snap!"

Remember when I said there was a squirrel loose? Well, we had set out some rat traps. Squirrel was smart enough not to come back. We didn't hear any squirrel noises, so knew it wasn't that. Went to investigate - it was a bat. A freaking bat! A bat in the rat trap.

I think I bawled through the rest of the box of Kleenexes at that point.

So we spent today making more phone calls, more packing, and more crying. Actually, I did the crying and some packing.

The crappy thing is Fred is super excited about the job but the whole finding nothing has made this awful. He's having conflicting emotions. I'm, of course, all over the place from worried about my dad, to freaking about the mere thought of moving into a dump, and having to walk away from our house. Yup, sure makes that a whole heap of salt in a gushing, gaping wound feel extra special.

I have no idea what to think.....that I can repeat.

Although, I will say I don't think I pay attention very well. Shut up. Stop laughing. I'm feeling very fragile right now. Anyway, about a couple weeks ago while I was praying, I felt very strongly that God was saying not to do anything out of panic and not to take something just because we feel we're stuck. At the time I was all got it, in the moment I was b-b-but we HAVE to get something!! 

I think it was rat hole #3 when I remembered this. They had shoved a floor plan in our hands and told us how there was a waiting list. Matter of fact, a gal was filling out all the forms for one of them. Because finding 4 bedroom anything is down near impossible. At least one we could afford. I had just looked at Fred and said, 'guess we better move on this' when the whole don't do anything out of panic washed right over me.

Hmmm. Maybe I should have thought a little more on that. But, oh no, I had to think we should at least look.

Saw the place and about ran out of there screaming. I tried to picture my boys there, living a normal day, and I could not stop bawling. It was terrible. Especially when I went to tell Fred I couldn't do it and he was just as messed up as me.

Desperation for 2? Your table is now ready.

I managed to keep it together and said we had 2 more appointments but would swing back. The gal informed me she could not guarantee that it would still be available. That was like the 18th not available I heard that day. All I could do was shake my head that there was a waiting list for that place. Naturally after all that emotional upheaval we were in the frame of mind to agree to just about anything that was better. And what luck! It was only slightly better. The guy did call back and said we qualified. Oh happy freaking day! Said nobody.

Ever.

I know folks are praying. I think that is the only reason I'm not sobbing hysterically right now. So thanks! Please keep at it because we have been taking a pounding and not sure what's next.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

What A Ride

Because this is nuts!

Where to begin? No, not enough time. Just a few nutty rundowns.

Took van to get the back dent fixed. The 2-3 day fix took 5. 
Had to go open new bank account as our bank is only in Michigan. Bank teller did not believe my age. Had my ID in her hand and still didn't believe me. Declared her to be the best person on the earth.

Came out of bank and truck wouldn't start. Male person had a minor meltdown. While he was cursing the truck's existence, I pulled out my phone and sent and SOS text to Kerri, who's husband was just getting off work. He gave it a jump and the thing started. (All this drama took less than 15 minutes)

One rental we had our eye on was leased just days before we were able to make the call. Someone is still pouting and believe it or not, it's not me. Had a lot going for it, but no dishwasher. There are days I have to run mine twice. Major strike against it in my book. Another one turned out to be a scam. The search continues for where our party of 5 will end up.

Got to go out with Kerri Friday. She made me some pretties!!! Kerri's Kreations is da bomb! And lucky me, I think I got her first bookmark. So pretty! Leaving her and all our girl time together is just gonna suck. I love making her laugh. I STILL don't know how she put up with me, but so very, very grateful that she did. Go check out her jewelry! I always get compliments anytime I wear her stuff.

We endured Pizza Hut but just barely. All the loud, screaming children were present so we bailed out of there. Had some ice cream and hung out. Came home just in time to see the guys take the cap off of Fred's truck. We're trying to sell his truck to pay off the van. Not too thrilled with going back down to one vehicle but one must do what one must to survive.

So after hyperventilating watching the guys try this, I hopped out of Kerri's van and ran to help. I'm not going to name names, but one of the boys was complaining rather loudly about how heavy it was and our neighbor came running to help as well. In his defense, he was the one holding the back end while Fred was telling Jared what to do.

Epic fail.

Okie-dokie, cap removed! Except now the person formerly known as Fred decided to have us carrying this heavy, behemoth of a cap waaaay into the backyard, smashed up against the fence.  We're still debating if we're going to let him live or not.

After that, we went and picked up our van. Came home and got an email from my mom that she had to take my dad to the hospital. Guess he has fluid build up around his heart and his lungs were filling up. That would explain the lack of breathing. 

I'm really glad she took him. I'm betting money she had to hog-tie him to get him to go. He wasn't looking too hot when they were up for Jared's b-day and I've gotten a few emails with her asking me to pray for him over the last week. I knew my dad kept saying he was healed and that was that so no meds for him. 

Side note: Do you think God had us invent medicine because he was tired of everyone praying about every ache and pain? Don't know but I am putting that on my list of questions to ask when I get to Heaven.

Anyhoo, it's not a drop what you're doing and come but they are keeping him until Tuesday to run tests. Personally, I hope she gives him a big "I freaking told you so!"  I was just telling him I thought he was over-doing it bit but what the heck would I know? She said she would call everyone in the morning. I posted on Facebook asking for prayers and everyone called her so she didn't have to. She said gosh news travels fast on that thing.  

That made me laugh.

Then she tells me to let them know when to come up and help us load the moving truck. Um, I'm thinking NO! Crazy people. I offered to come down to stay with her but she said no, I have too much on my plate.

Gasp!!! Look who's being all reasonable and everything.

So the crazy train is still chugging right along. Hope things settle down here. We got a lot of packing done today and took apart some stuff. Progress has been made!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

So Many Emotions

He got the job!!!!

I am SUPER excited!!!

And I'm SUPER freaking out!!!

The list is long and hideous looking. So hideous it has big, mutant, hairy arms that are ready to reach out and smack me. I is slightly skert.

The thing that has surprised me the most is how much relief I'm feeling. So much so, that it's almost knocked me flat on my back. There has been so much unknown and to finally know - words can't describe it. But everything is just crazy right now. 10 things have to get done immediately with another 15 right on it's heels. Going to be touch and go blogging but so looking forward to get the heck out of this state.

And then it hits me who all I won't get to see and the emotions just tank. But then I think of all the junk we've gone through and how I am so longing to put it all behind me and move forward and up goes the emotions. Then I think about our house and all the blood, sweat, and tears we've put into it and the emotions drop out again.

What a wonderful time for auntie flo and all her crazy to show up, except not.

So with emotions all over the place, I am trying to stay positive that things are going to go well. Then I get an email from my mom saying they'll help us move. I have now scratched "going well" off the list. I think I'll go back to my bag of chocolate and see if tomorrow looks better. I know it already does but this up and down emotional stuff is just brutal!

Monday, May 14, 2012

To Step Into It Or Not

Chances are rather high I am going to step into it. I'm not sure if this is a talent or some horrible reaction to circumstances beyond my control. I will try to not let this be a whine fest.

I did say try.

Facebook - where high school drama just keeps rolling right along. The down side for me is I was home-schooled for high school, so I don't know what the game is nor do I want to. But I find all these petty little games keep bubbling up to the surface over and over again. And by women who are waaay beyond the age of high school, I might add. This leaves me not being able to navigate people and their stupid drama very well.

I'm actually going to take a high road for just a moment and not give all the details. Oh, don't applaud. I just don't know the reasons why otherwise I would. I know, you had such high hopes for me for a full 3 seconds and I just rip it away. I guess I can be cruel like that.

I tried to do something nice for someone (like saved a bunch of Boxtops) and I had emailed her asking her when she wanted them. Nothing. Nadda. Zilch. Squat. She just happens to be really good friends with the lady I had sent the gift card to who, given the chance, would rip me to shribbons. My new made up word where it's a cross between shreds and ribbons = shribbons.

I guess it was an awkward situation.

For who, I'm not sure.

Long story getting longer, I had also sent a former friend a gift card with an explanation. I can't even remember if I blogged about this or not. When I had gone to the homeschool book sale last year I saw my former friend. The last time I saw this friend she was soooo uncomfortable being near me that it did indeed drive the knife in deeper. So me, being the mature person I'm not, walked right passed her and pretended I didn't see her.

Like this shocks you.

But God got on my case about my attitude as He so frequently does. Have gone out of my way a couple of times to bless her. Sent it out, heard nothing back but I didn't expect to because she is also very close to the first lady I sent the gift care to. I hope you are keeping score.

Are we seeing a trend here?

Why God is having me bless people who hate my guts is beyond me but it has been interesting. This isn't my first dance with character assassination from "women of God" but it still sucks. Sadly, it's also shown me some stuff about myself. Do I want to defend myself and justify it? You betcha! But that's all I'm gonna say about that for now.

So back to drama, or maybe it's just a side slant. 

Anyhoo-and-whathaveya, the woman unfriended me on Facebook. There was no reason for it. We weren't really close, I had only known her through church but thought if I was going to get kicked to the curb, it would have been quite a while ago. So to reach out to her that here I did something nice for you, as she asked people to save Boxtops, and her response was to say nothing and unfriend me just went over oh so not well.

The thing is I don't really care that she unfriended me. I was actually hoping she would. She gushed constantly about people who I know are phoney, fake, and lie through their teeth. They talk about the love of God yet their actions to back that up are lacking. Frankly it's been annoying me. I do believe actions speak louder than words and I'm tired of people preaching how to behave yet their actions say something totally different. If you can't get your actions and your words to line up - shut up or fix it!

Needless to say, I needed to sever the connection. Matter of fact, God was on my case about it. The only reason I kept her as a friend was so I could cyber-stalk other people through her friend list.

As if I'm the only one. Don't sit there all innocent like.

The down side is I didn't think it all the way through about this being a good thing and just responded out of hurt and posted a snarky comment about it on Facebook, thus bringing me down to the very level that I accuse all of them and where I know the bottom-dwellers lurk. Geez Joanna, way to make progress! NOT!

And yes, I did sprain my eye from that eye-roll against myself.

I can say I am making strides at getting better. Not there by a long shot but moving forward.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Epic Awesomeness

It has been a crazy few days. Friday we got school wrapped up and I forced the guys to do the happy dance. We do the dance of happy at the end of each school year. Now that I think about it, I'm the only one that really gets into it. 

Whatever.

But now we can pack up all the schoolbooks so that's another step of progress. Got to take the guys to see Avengers. It was really good! But word to the wise, you have to have seen Iron Man 1-2, Captain America, and Thor. Especially Thor or a lot of it wouldn't make sense. But totally enjoyed it so more dances of happy.

Came home, had dinner, and right as we were finishing up in-laws pulled in. We didn't get to do any girl shopping this time around but that was fine. FIL took the wood burning stove and a few other tools we're not going to use. But my beloved Burnie is now gone. I was able to keep it together. I didn't even cry out that I would always remember him fondly. I did get slightly mocked over it too. I heard the guys talking and FIL is planning on selling it but dude has some serious hoarding issues so knowing him, he'll hang on to it until we can use it again. Wherever and whenever that will be.

Jared is now 13! We got him good. He was saying how he really wants presents as in plural. He wanted a Lego Star Wars ship. My feet did shutter from memories of old but it was able to keep it together and not cuss him out. There was some Star Wars Lego mini-movie that came out and it had a mini Lego Hans Solo. I got it, wrapped it, open the box that had the Lego ship in it, and was able to slip it in there. The look of 'hey, wait a second' on his face was rather priceless.

In-laws took us to Cracker Barrel and then they headed off. We came home and washed up all the sheets as my folks were coming up that night and were spending the night.

I'll pause as you process all that.

But it went fine. And we did have a good visit on all accounts. So no complaints from me.

The only ruh-roh of the whole weekend was I had Jared's cake all mixed and ready to go into the oven when I discovered the oven was dead - again. I was just fussing about the old oven was STILL on the porch and could we look any more redneck. Yeah, funny how that works. Hubs to the rescue! Swapped out the heating elements, cleaned up old oven and we were back in business.  Not happy but can't buy a new oven right now so I'll just roll with the punches.

My folks loaded the last of the stuff they wanted, took us out to lunch, and then headed home. Place looks weird with stuff missing but I'm too tired to get all weepy about it. I do have reasons for being tired. And I mean r-e-a-l-l-y tired. My MIL had me up til 5 am talking and then last night my mom had me up til 4 am talking. I know you are completely shocked that I could hold my own in all that talking.Or not.

Right now I'm trying to resist the pillow. If I take a nap now not sure when I'll go to bed. But it doesn't matter as my schedule is now open. Makes me smile just thinking about it. Bring on the summer break! Right after I take a nap.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Technology Imparied

I seriously wonder how I have managed to have a blog and not blown the whole Internet up. What I find even more hilarious is that I've done media stuff for churches for years and by some miracle didn't cause the whole system to crash.

I find this amusing because I remember taking a college computer class and it took me all of 10 seconds to figure out I had no clue what was being said and what I was being asked to do. You could imagine how proud my dad was who owned his own computer business.

But I've seen to be able to stumble through it just find and dandy. I've been told that I seem to take to it real natural like as well. Once I know the basics, I can fake it so long as it stays that way forever and always. Funny thing about technology - it NEVER stays the same! Like just this last week Blogger decided to change their entire layout. 

Did I panic? Why yes, yes I did.

Did I curse their existence? I can neither confirm, nor deny that statement.

But I did find out something. I had a lot more comments that what I thought but because people published it under Anonymous, it was flagged as spam aaaaand I never saw it. Nor do I have any clue how to fix it. I will say I was happy that it blocked the 467 posts of someone advertising all sorts of enhancements etc. I do hope there is a special place in hell for people like that who have nothing better to do with their time than to randomly publish filth on other people's blogs.

However, to the other genuine people who left comments - I am so sorry. I am not a jerk. At least not most of the time. But the comments never came up until now. And now I feel all weird "allowing" a comment from over a year ago on a post that has dust on it.

All I can do is laugh at myself and, yet again, question why on earth I have a blog. Some of the techie stuff does cause my head to spin, I don't seem to bring in traffic very well, and I sort of have this weird need to try and connect with people. Which I find amusing because I'm STILL wrestling with the whole people suck thing. I'm not sure if that is sign of something serious or a bored cry for....acknowledgement?

I think the nasal decongestants are kicking in. This is good because I would like to breathe. The downside is I better end this before I go off on some weird tangent that makes no sense. Wait....I do that already. Okay, it would be worse. Like waaaay worse. Where I'll go off all crazy like of the unfairness of life and come up gasping for breath and then be in the mood for pancakes. 

See? Worse.