Thursday, May 24, 2012

To There And Back

Where you may ask? That might just be hell. According to the map it said Indianapolis. But I think this hell was more of an emotional one.

So that new job thing? Had to get dude down there by 9:40 am which meant that we left here by 4:30 am. Saw this weird reverse sunset. I'm told it's called a sunrise. So weird!

Fred and I took off just the two of us because we are smart enough to know dragging these guys anywhere at those hours wasn't going to happen. So off we went and got there a bit early. Thankfully, Fred did the driving because I started freaking out. I sort of drive by visual. Go down to the Walgreens, take a left; then go to the AutoZone, take a right; and right past that ugly store is where you are headed type of driving. Nothing was familiar so I was freaking out a little. Fred said my running commentary was hysterical. I honestly couldn't tell you because I was too busy trying not to lose it.

That would be a huge fail on not freaking out.

And what a shmuck I was because he's all excited and I'm saying I changed my mind, I don't want to move. Fred did all his paperwork and blood work and then we were off to find a rental. It only got worse from there.

Cue evil music. Arrange 'now entering hell' sign in predominate visual spot.

It turned out that most of the stuff we had on our list was leased out. As in day before and/or a couple hours before we called. Then we shifted and went to townhouses and apartments. Oh my freaking word! I can't even call these places dives because that is an insult to true dives. By the time we saw our 4th one I was in tears. There was one more house to see but the guy wouldn't be able to show it to us until about 9pm. We were desperate so we stayed. Should have just gone home.

We were both very panicked because we still have nothing. We paid the $30 application fee. While in the middle of filling this thing out, I started to get sick and we had to follow Sargent Slum Lord to the nearest place that doesn't mind if you use their bathroom and dump a load of poo while sobbing hysterically. We drove off, in tears, no peace, and wouldn't know until the next day if we were qualified for this rat hole. The more we talked about keep looking the better we both felt. So we're still looking.

Dude starts his new job the 4th.

We have to be out of here by the 14th.

I'm looking around my home and I just bawl. Nothing we looked at came even close. Nothing came even close to being decent.

I called my mom because they were hoping we were going to swing up to see my dad because he is still in the hospital. Turns out he had a heart attack and they have been putting stints in. He wasn't doing good last night but today the medicine is kicking in and his heart is pumping better. So much so, that he's off oxygen and will be released tomorrow.

But mom was telling me to keep looking and don't stress.

Yeah, okay. Whatever on the 'don't stress' part.

We drove home. Broken, defeated, depressed. We got home 1:30 in the morning. Guys were waiting up for us. They told us about their day etc. We all headed off to bed. We had just laid down and got settled when we heard a weird noise and then, "Snap!"

Remember when I said there was a squirrel loose? Well, we had set out some rat traps. Squirrel was smart enough not to come back. We didn't hear any squirrel noises, so knew it wasn't that. Went to investigate - it was a bat. A freaking bat! A bat in the rat trap.

I think I bawled through the rest of the box of Kleenexes at that point.

So we spent today making more phone calls, more packing, and more crying. Actually, I did the crying and some packing.

The crappy thing is Fred is super excited about the job but the whole finding nothing has made this awful. He's having conflicting emotions. I'm, of course, all over the place from worried about my dad, to freaking about the mere thought of moving into a dump, and having to walk away from our house. Yup, sure makes that a whole heap of salt in a gushing, gaping wound feel extra special.

I have no idea what to think.....that I can repeat.

Although, I will say I don't think I pay attention very well. Shut up. Stop laughing. I'm feeling very fragile right now. Anyway, about a couple weeks ago while I was praying, I felt very strongly that God was saying not to do anything out of panic and not to take something just because we feel we're stuck. At the time I was all got it, in the moment I was b-b-but we HAVE to get something!! 

I think it was rat hole #3 when I remembered this. They had shoved a floor plan in our hands and told us how there was a waiting list. Matter of fact, a gal was filling out all the forms for one of them. Because finding 4 bedroom anything is down near impossible. At least one we could afford. I had just looked at Fred and said, 'guess we better move on this' when the whole don't do anything out of panic washed right over me.

Hmmm. Maybe I should have thought a little more on that. But, oh no, I had to think we should at least look.

Saw the place and about ran out of there screaming. I tried to picture my boys there, living a normal day, and I could not stop bawling. It was terrible. Especially when I went to tell Fred I couldn't do it and he was just as messed up as me.

Desperation for 2? Your table is now ready.

I managed to keep it together and said we had 2 more appointments but would swing back. The gal informed me she could not guarantee that it would still be available. That was like the 18th not available I heard that day. All I could do was shake my head that there was a waiting list for that place. Naturally after all that emotional upheaval we were in the frame of mind to agree to just about anything that was better. And what luck! It was only slightly better. The guy did call back and said we qualified. Oh happy freaking day! Said nobody.


I know folks are praying. I think that is the only reason I'm not sobbing hysterically right now. So thanks! Please keep at it because we have been taking a pounding and not sure what's next.


Angela said...

boo. :(

Julie said...

I really hope you can find something decent, and soon!!!!!

Kerri said...

I wuv you. You will find it. All the chaos is temporary. I will see you tomorrow.

jubilee said...

Praying along with you. Just went through the same thing last summer. YOU CAN DO THIS! :)